Monday, December 3, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Nov 2018):
Positive Pain

This is the last and final part of my post about the most important change in Ludwig's and my life. In my first three posts New Horizons, Anticipation and Preparation and Crossing the Line, I told you about a very special and painful event we have gone through. Some of you already mused that it wasn't really a kinky experience I was talking about, and of course they were right. The event I described was my first delivery experience. As I revealed in my second LOL Day post, Ludwig and I already are proud parents of two little ones now, which has changed our lives forever.

As Spearthrower said, in a way my first three posts could be seen as a prank because I implied that I might be writing about a kinky experience, which I was not. Of course, I enjoyed heightening the suspense a bit by not telling you the good news right away. But there is more to it than that. In fact, the whole experience for me had quite some parallels to my kinky adventures, and it also told me some things about how my kink works and where my limits are. And this is what today's post will be about.

When talking about parallels between erotic spanking and giving birth, the first thing that of course comes to mind is the pain involved. There is more to it than that, though. It's not just about pain, it's that these are two of the very few occasions that come to my mind on which someone deliberately chooses to go through a painful event because the outcome, and partly also the experience itself, seem to be worth the pain!

And there have been even more parallels. When I prepared myself for the big event, I used many things that are important to me ahead of kinky experiences as well. I took the time to think about what would be important for me to make this a good experience, about possible pitfalls and about my limits. I chose an environment and people for the big day based on a positive gut feeling. I talked openly to the nurses and to Ludwig about my wishes and limits for the birth experience. I read reports from others and learned as much as possible about the process in general. But I was also aware that things don't always turn out the way one expects, and I tried to remain open for different developments. I used my kinky experiences to build up trust in my abilities to master intimate, scary situations, to deal with high amounts of pain and to communicate with those around me in order to make sure the experience turned out to be a good one.

When the labour pain finally set in, I tried to use my breathing to remain calm. After some time the pain seemed to become overwhelming, though, and I knew from the books that there should still be several hours ahead of me until it was done. So I said that I couldn't deal anymore and asked for an epidural. But I also trusted the nurse's advice and Ludwig's encouragement to try only a light painkiller at first. I didn't work out, but it bought me time. When I was finally about to get the epidural, it turned out that the pain level had been so high because the delivery went much faster than average. It was already in such an advanced state that the epidural didn't make any sense anymore, and I actually managed to go through the final phase without it.

Funny enough, the bearing-down pains didn't really feel painful to me. Instead, I was in a flow, just like some kinksters describe. The contraction was just like a pulse generator which told me to press and bring the baby a bit closer to seeing the light of day. Afterwards, I felt very relaxed and happy and enjoyed having that little bundle lying on me. But I didn't feel high, like many women apparently do, even though after delivering a baby there is as much endorphin in a woman's body as on almost no other occasion in our whole life. It didn't really surprise me, though, that I wasn't feeling high, since I don't have that after my kinky scenes, either.

I was very happy, though, to realise already on the evening after the birth that not only had the outcome been a positive one, but the experience itself had been a good one and not traumatising. Even then, right afterwards, I could already imagine doing it again, something that isn't granted to all women.

Still, for me, childbirth was a much more extreme scenario than anything I have ever done kink-wise.

The first reason is that, in a way, giving birth to a child is an event with no safeword. Once you are in labour, there is no way to stop the whole process. Of course, you can have pain-reducing medication. But, first of all, it can take time until you get it (about one hour for an epidural in the clinic I went to) and until it starts working. Secondly, the medication comes with certain risks and possible complications, so you have to trade off the positive effect against the possible negative ones. Third, this still doesn't stop the whole process, even if you find it, for instance, mentally challenging, and would like to get a break.

Can you imagine setting yourself up for a kinky event that lasts for many hours, maybe even a whole day or more, with no chance of knowing in advance how painful or how long it is going to be, and no chance to say stop when it becomes too much and you realise that the experience doesn't feel good? I have to admit that preparing for giving birth again reminded me that I would never do that. For me, no outcome of a kinky scene could be great enough to take that risk. As I said, I have read accounts from others who have done scenes like that with no safeword and not knowing exactly what would happen. For me, though, obviously only the prospect of having the child I longed for was a gain big enough to do something like that.

Even more, the more extreme kinky events I've read about usually were dark scenarios like kidnappings. I already was scared of an event that is without doubt a positive one with everyone around trying to support the mother-to-be. I definitely would never be able to do something that extreme in combination with a dark scene. As far as I understand it, the fellow kinksters who go for events like that get one or more of the following things out of it: the feeling of letting go completely, the experience of being broken and put back together, and the endorphin high that comes with realising that they have survived.

Opening up and letting go completely is something one also literally has to do when giving birth. Otherwise, the baby can't be born. So this was something I prepared myself for during my pregnancy, but it became clear to me that this is nothing I'm looking for in my kink.

As for being broken and put back together, and the feeling of survival – well, as those readers among you who accompanied us in recent years know, there haven't only been positive developments in our life. As a matter of fact, I've lost all my remaining grandparents and both of my parents, who weren't very old, in the last 10 years. If someone had told me ten years ago that this would happen, I would have broken down and thought I couldn't survive it, or that at least it would leave me mentally damaged. But I have held both of my parent's hands when they died, I survived, and I have learned and am still learning to deal with all that loss. Ludwig and the little ones are helping me a lot, even though having kids sometimes makes me miss my parents all the more. The scary feeling of not having much family left and of being the next in line will possibly remain (and the latter will most probably become stronger the older I get). But I know that I can survive even things that used to be a nightmare for me. It's nothing I search for in my kink, though. Reality has been more than enough in that regard.

Last but not least, extreme scenarios can of course come with a higher risk of causing permanent damage. The ones I have read about, fortunately, were very carefully planned and didn't cause that kind of damage. But very regular players, for instance, who also go for more severe scenes every now and then can at least develop weak spots that easily start to bleed. And of course scenes that don't turn out well can also be a psychological challenge. I, for one, realised that I wouldn't want to do a kinky scene that holds a higher potential risk of causing any kind of permanent damage, mentally or physically.

Having a baby for me was worth taking that risk, though. And unfortunately, having delivered two little ones indeed seems to have caused some problems. I am not only talking about the inevitable marks, the way carrying and bearing a child alters a woman's body forever. I am quite lucky in that regard, I can absolutely live with the rather small changes. But it seems that some intestine damage has occurred that might lead to serious health problems. Thus, I most probably will have to undergo surgery within the next few years. Doing sports during pregnancy and afterwards didn't prevent this from happening, and we will see how much physical therapy can accomplish. Even with the surgery, I am quite sure that the risk of certain health problems occurring, such as incontinence, has increased for me.

We are thinking about maybe having another baby. But due to my health problems, I have been warned. Still, I think that the little ones have been worth it, and I might even take the risk another time. I would never do that for a kinky experience, though, no matter how appealing it might be.

So, having become a mother confirmed one thing for me: kink and erotic spanking is there to make me feel strong and happy, nothing more and nothing less. I don't want to go to any extremes, and I don't really want to push my boundaries (anymore). I leave that to other fields in my life. My kinky experiences help me in extreme situations, though, as my childbirth experience proves. And it led me to the man who is now my husband, closest confidant and the father of my kids. What more could one expect from erotic kink?

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Global Day(s) of Delurk 2018 (Day 2):
1 + 1 = 4

This is the second day of this year's LOL Day event, and today's post will be the most personal and intimate one ever on this blog - which is saying a lot. As I explained yesterday, LOL Day 2008 was the very starting point of our relationship and of Ludwig's and my crazy kinky and vanilla journey that finally resulted in our marriage.

Since then our blogging has become rather infrequent, though. There were several reasons for this. After years filled with lots of kinky experiments and experiences, that part of our life had become less important. Plus, our vanilla life was very busy – job responsibilities, household chores, time with family and friends, a few minor health issues and even medical emergencies in our family.

But that wasn't the whole story. This blog has always been first and foremost about kink. In addition to that we have shared a few things about our development as a couple. It never was and never will be a vanilla couple's blog, though. We don't write posts about the two of us doing laundry together. And while we are very open about our kink, our erotic exploits and our relationship, we are very careful to protect the privacy of our vanilla environment.

That's why Ludwig and I were pondering for a while whether we should share this very special, intimate thing with you or not. But since it might actually be the most important step in our relationship, and since it explains why we have hardly had any time for kink or blogging, we finally decided to let you in on this very personal development. In a recent series of posts, I wrote about a special and rather painful event that altered our life. Some of you already figured out what I was writing about.

Here is the solution of the riddle (which will hopefully also explain why I left out a few details in my account): As the long-time readers among you might remember, I always wanted children. I already
pondered the question how to handle our kinkiness with little ones being around long before Ludwig and I were even married. Ludwig wanted kids, too, and our dream has come true. As a matter of fact, today we already are parents of not only one, but two wonderful little ones, a  girl and a boy!

We ask for your understanding that we won't share any more information about the two for the reasons mentioned above. But we hope that the revelation of our parenthood helps you understand why kink and erotic adventures don't play such an important role in our relationship any more, at least for the time being, and why keeping up this blog has been so difficult in the recent past.

I hope that you feel happy for us, despite the negative effects on our blogging. And I can only encourage the silent readers among you who ask themselves whether they should take the plunge and follow their kinky dreams and fantasies to sincerely consider doing so. As you can see, it can lead to things you might never have thought possible, which go far beyond erotic adventures. Or at least you might very probably find some kind new friends here in the spanking community. You are definitely very welcome to write a comment on our blog, share your experiences and ask questions anytime! A Happy LOL Day to all of you and thank you for reading!

Friday, November 16, 2018

Global Day(s) of Delurk 2018 (Day 1):
10th Anniversary

It's that time of the year again! Time to thank all our silent readers, those among you who read our blog and are interested in what we have to say but whom we don't know about because you don't feel the urge / don't like to / don't dare to write a comment. Some of you might have accompanied us for quite some time already, some might just have stumbled over our blog today. No matter who you are or how long you have been here, this is the day to tell you that we appreciate you taking your time to read this blog.

For us, Ludwig and Kaelah, this institution, invented by Bonnie and now organised and hosted by Hermione, has a very special meaning that goes far beyond celebrating the silent readers of our blog. This is the eleventh time this blog is taking part in LOL Day and at the same time it is the 10th anniversary of Ludwig and me making our first contact. Because on LOL Day 2008 I, being a complete newbie to erotic spanking at the time, left my first-ever comment on this blog under my old nickname K'Ehleyr.

At that time Ludwig thought his new commenter was a German guy, maybe with a Turkish heritage. Well, he found out how wrong he was when we started communicating via email. After a while, I asked Ludwig to lead me through my first erotic spanking experience, because I really came to trust him and felt that he was the right person to take this plunge with. We met in person for the first time, found out that the chemistry between us was indeed great, and shared a very elaborated and wonderful spanking initiation ceremony together.

Not much later we became a couple and started writing about our kinky journey here on this blog. The picture in this post was taken around that time. How young we were! Today, ten years after our very first contact, after a fantastic kinky journey that involved lots of writing for this blog, meeting like-minded people from around the world, participating in kinky events and shooting videos, we are married and living together as mates and confidants, sharing much more than just our kink.

You might have been wondering why our writing has become so infrequent in the last years, though. As we wrote, our day-to-day life is very challenging and our vanilla duties are rather time-consuming. But there is more to it than that. We pondered for a while whether to share this intimate part of our life here on our blog or not (funny to say that on a blog on which we have shared quite some intimate things). We finally decided to do so.

As a matter of fact, I already hinted at it in my last series of posts about a very painful and life-changing event Ludwig and I shared. You can read about the prolo
gue, the preparations and the actual event here. Some of you obviously already realised what happened exactly. Tomorrow in our second LOL Day post (or, Global Day of Delurk, as we like to call it here) we will share more with you.

Until then, we want to use this opportunity to thank Bonnie for having created this special event and Hermione for hosting LOL Day XIII. And a big thank you to all of you out there who have been reading this and have taken the time to accompany us on our journey. We would be very happy to hear from all of you, but of course we also accept your wish to remain silent if that's what suits you. May many of you be as happy as we are and not only get the chance to live our their kinky erotic fantasies but also meet many friendly people here in this community and maybe even that one special person to share your life with.

Friday, November 2, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2018):
Crossing the Line

This is the third part of my series of posts about a very special, painful event which I decided to put myself through with Ludwig's support and which in my opinion altered my life. You can find the first two parts here and here. Today I want to tell you about the experience itself. I won't write much about the exact setting, location and action, though. I will leave that to your imagination. My focus will be on my thoughts and feelings throughout the experience instead. You will learn more about what happened in my next post which will be the final one in this series.

In my last post about the anticipation before the event I told you that I only knew a certain time range when it would take place, but not the exact date and time. I thought that it would most possibly start quite early in the time range, but at first nothing happened. The knowledge that it definitely would happen anytime soon made me nervous, though. It was a time in which I was very busy and I had the feeling that I wasn't ready for such a big event, yet. So I focussed on the stuff I had to do and tried not to think too much about what might or might not happen and how I would deal with the situation.

One evening I had finished yet another important task and I told Ludwig that now it seemed that the event could take place because all the big points on my current to-do-list were finished. When I woke up the next morning, I promptly got the signal that this would be the day. At that point Ludwig almost seemed to be a little bit more nervous than I, knowing that all he would be able to do was to be at my side. We packed the things we were supposed to bring and waited.

We were soon fetched by a van and driven to the location. Ludwig was in the front and I in the back. There were no windows for me to look out on the street, but I knew approximately were the car was. I had been to the location as part of my preparation, so I knew where we were going. The last time I had been there I was very nervous because I was very aware that the next time I would enter the place there would be no way back.

The drive wasn't too long. The van stopped and Ludwig and I were escorted into the house. At first we were guided to a preparation room. A staff member checked in with me and told me that she would be the one to guide me through the first part of the experience. I should explain that this wasn't supposed to be a dark experience. Long-time readers know that I am not into that and that I would most probably never set myself up for an event that is not only physically challenging but contains dark psychological elements as well. Instead, throughout this experience I always had the chance to ask for the help of a kind of mentor to support me mentally and to help me let loose.

A few preparations were done and Ludwig and I were informed that it might take some time for the experience to start. I was nervous, but I also really wanted it to start now that there was no way back, anyway. I took the chance to grab at least a little bite to eat since I hadn't had breakfast and probanly wouldn't be able to eat for a while during the event.

It started sooner than I had feared. At first, I managed to deal with the pain quite well, although it was different from what I had expected. The action was faster than I had thought and there were fewer breaks for me to recover than I had hoped. For a while I managed quite successfully not to fight the pain, instead letting myself fall into it and using it to open up. But after a while I struggled more and more and I started to panic because I had the strong feeling that I couldn't deal, especially considering that this was supposed to be a rather long experience and the worst part was still yet to come.

So I asked my guide for help. I knew that I had the chance to ask for the staff to help me ease the challenge. But that was under two conditions: First of all, the request could only be fulfilled with a time lag. Secondly, it came with the downside of most probably prolonging the event. And of course the aim was to let the experience unfold with as little intervention as possible. Having that in mind my guide tried to convince me to try other ways to help me cope with the situation. Ludwig, who thought that I was very tough and still coping rather well, agreed.

I wasn't really convinced, but I gave it a try, only to realise after a short while that it didn't work out. I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn't deal with such a high impact for what was supposed to be a few more hours! So again I asked for help.

As a result Ludwig and I were brought into another room with a new guide to support me. I was nude now, but interestingly that didn't make me feel vulnerable. The pain became worse and worse, though, much faster than I had expected from what I had heard and read, until it almost seemed like a single steady impact which only increased and decreased a bit over time. That was the moment in which my new guide told me that her advice would be to go through with the rest without any intervention because it would soon be over, anyway, and interfering might stop the process of letting go and make the experience much longer than it would be otherwise.

At first I cursed, feeling that I should have requested help earlier, but then I realised that this held a big chance, too. So I agreed and tried to focus on my final goal to let go completely. My guide suggested new positions which helped me and allowed Ludwig to help me through the final stage. And suddenly it happened. The pain seemed to ease up. Again it came in waves now and I just took it as a kind of impulse to ride the pain and let it help me to let go.

For a moment I thought about the marks the experience would leave. But I knew that no permanent damage had been done, so I pushed the thought aside and focussed on my breath and riding the waves instead. The last ones were announced and I really managed to let go completely. Then it was suddenly over. I was happy and relieved. I had more endorphins in my body than ever before, but unlike others I wasn't flying. That didn't surprise me, though, since I have never been flying from a kinky or any other experience. But I felt very calm and proud.

I got the chance to lie down, covered by a blanket. Ludwig was at my side, telling me how proud he was. Someone came to take care of my wounds. My guide looked after me as well. I got the confirmation that the experience had indeed been shorter and faster than most of the times. It was okay for me. My guide told Ludwig that we should take our time and he could get us something to eat. When he came with bread and other little snacks I realised that I was as hungry as a lion.

At night in our bedroom, Ludwig and I talked about the experience. About what had happened and how we had felt. It had been so intense. We didn't sleep a single hour that night, knowing that it had indeed been a very special event. And regardless of how hard it had been throughout, I already knew that the outcome had been worth it and that I might even do it again. Still, we had no idea at that point how life-altering the experience really would turn out to be. But that's a story for another post...

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Sep 2018):
Anticipation and Preparation

It took me quite a while, but here it is, the second part of my series of posts about a very special experience! As I explained in part 1, I had set myself up for a rather painful event that involved a certain degree of loss of control on my behalf, something I am not usually into. But this experience was something I deeply longed for, and so it seemed to be worth the risk.

As the regular readers among you know, I am sort of a perfectionist, at least when it comes to things that are dear to my heart. My very first spanking experience with Ludwig, for instance, was very well-planned and well-prepared. During that scene I also gave up control to Ludwig, in a clearly-defined framework. When I set myself up for my new experience, though, I knew that this time I wouldn't have as much influence on what was about to happen as I had had then.

Still, I tried my very best to make sure that it would become a good, empowering experience and to prepare myself for what was about to happen. I chose the place and the people who would guide me through the experience. We talked about my preferences, limits, fears and hopes. I didn't know who exactly would be there on that special day, but the whole team and their philosophy seemed to be the right choice.

Of course, I also read accounts from those who had gone through the experience before and I spoke with others who had done it or planned to do it just like me. Ludwig and I talked a lot as well, and it was clear that he would accompany and support me. I also tried to prepare myself mentally and physically. It definitely was an exciting time!

That doesn't mean that I felt good all the time, though, or that I didn't have any doubts. As the event drew nearer (I didn't know when exactly the whole thing would take place, just a time range), the thought of not being able to back out anymore was indeed quite scary. When the prospect threatened to overwhelm me, I tried to distract myself in order not to dwell too much on what might or might not happen. But overall, the anticipation was of a rather positive and thrilling kind, and from deep within my heart something told me that going through this was the right thing to do and that it would change my life for the better.

Looking back, I think that I mastered the time of anticipation so well because I felt that I also did a lot of preparation during that time - as much as that was possible, given I was kind of going into the unknown. It was clear that no amount of reading, talking or training could really prepare me for what was about to happen. But still, my preparations gave me the feeling that I wasn't blindly running into something stupid which would turn out to be a bad experience. I was doing as much as I possibly could to make sure that everything would work out as I hoped it would.

In that regard there wasn't much difference to my first spanking experience. In 2009, I also had no real idea what I was setting myself up to. I knew that I had those special erotic fantasies, I had found a man whom I trusted so much that I asked him to bring one of those fantasies to life with me, I also had certain ideas about the right scenario and mood (for instance, I wanted a rite of passage rather than a dark punishment scenario). But still, I had no idea how a real spanking would feel like, how I would react and whether I would really like the real thing. Back then, my heart also told me that I had to take the plunge. And that was not only the beginning of an exciting kinky journey, it also was a very important step in the process of me and Ludwig becoming lovers and mates.

Still, I think my behaviour clearly shows that I am a control freak, in my kink as well as in my vanilla life. I can and do enjoy anticipation, but I enjoy the act of preparing things even more. Waiting passively isn't my thing. Especially not when the upcoming event is one where I am not going to be in control.

And so, I prepared myself and waited. I tried not to think about what might go wrong but to trust myself and my body that this had been the right decision and that I would be able to handle what was to come. And I enjoyed anticipating how I might feel afterwards and how the outcome of that special experience would enrich my life. That was until that one morning when what had been a mind game so far suddenly was about to become real...

How about you? Do you enjoy the feeling of anticipation? How do you deal with upcoming events that make you nervous? Do you distract yourself, play out things in your head or maybe actively prepare yourself? Is it different in regards to kink or vanilla life? How important are anticipation and preparation for your kink? I am curious to hear about your thoughts and experiences in the comment section!

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Aug 2018):
Ninth Blogiversary

It's hard to believe, but a few days ago was my ninth blogiversary! Nine years of kinky blogging. That's really a long time. The beginning seems so far away already. But I still remember how nervous and excited I was when my first-ever post went online. And how happy when I got really nice and welcoming comments from our readers.

It was one important milestone in a long journey that started with me writing my first comment on this blog as a new reader and someone who was completely new to erotic spanking and hadn't ever tried it out for real. It continued with Ludwig and me exchanging emails, then meeting in person and my first spanking scene with him just a short time later. We finally became a couple and I started writing for this blog at the end of August in 2009.

In the last nine years I've written hundreds of posts about our kinky adventures and about our development as mates and a now married couple. What a ride it has been!

As I told you in my last post, our life is quite out of control right now because we have to cope with the loss of a close family member and are drowned in the work that comes with administering an estate. That's why posts are very rare at the moment and will be for a few more weeks.

Still I am looking very much forward to continuing my series of posts about a very special experience that I've made a while ago which was a life-altering one. I hope I will at least manage to release the second part in September.

Until then I would like to thank you all very much for having accompanied us throughout the years and for all the friendly, thoughtful and personal comments that still make me very happy today!

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Jun 2018):

This is just a short post to let you know that Ludwig and I are okay and to say sorry for not having published your comments in the past weeks. The reason why there haven't been any new posts is that we had another medical emergency in our close family, which sadly led to the death of a loved one this time. Ludwig and I haven't even had much time to grieve, yet, because we are buried in the organisational stuff that comes with losing a family member. In the upcoming weeks we won't have much time to catch our breath, either, so my next Kaelah's Corner post probably will be the first occasion on which I will be able to write another post.

I will definitely moderate your comments in the coming weeks, though! The problem was that Blogger for some reason decided to not send any notification mails about new comments anymore, neither to me nor to Ludwig, even though we hadn't changed anything in the settings. I checked my mails regularly, but didn't see any new comments awaiting publication. So I thought there weren't any. My explanation was that my last Kaelah's Corner post was the first in a series, so maybe our readers would wait and only comment on the later posts.

It was Gustofur's mail that alarmed me and made me find all the unmoderated comments on Blogger. Thank you very much, Gustofur! And thanks to Stephen.sir99 for having created a nickname and for not having given up commenting. I will reply to your comments in more detail, as soon as I find the time, but I want to use this post to at least already say thank you to those who shared their thoughts and own experiences on my last post – Gustofur, Steven.sir99, Canelover and Val. And to the anonymous commenter who informed me about the video clips that don't work anymore: thanks a lot for the notification. Ludwig and I will re-upload the clips as soon as we can, but due to all the work we have here, it might be a little while.

So much for now. Sorry about the silence, and please stay tuned! By the way, the comment notification seems to be working again now. I found out that it was a general issue with Blogger which many other users experienced as well, but apparently, it can be fixed by deleting the email adresses in the settings and then re-adding them. I've tried that and hope it really works (I've already got my first notifications)!

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Mai 2018):
New Horizons

In my last Kaelah's Corner posts, I wrote about stretching my boundaries in the field of how much I show of myself on this blog. Today I would like to start another series of posts on a related topic, another field in which I have defined my limits new and gained so much from it that it can hardly be expressed accurately.

There has always been one form of kinky play about which I have read accounts with great interest, but always knew that it wouldn't be for me. What I am talking about are scenes without a safeword. Now, as Adele Haze once aptly explained on her now-defunct blog, strictly seen there is no such thing as kinky play without a safeword. Because as soon as one participant says something along the lines of "I herewith withdraw my consent. Everything that happens from now on is harassment," that means the scene has to stop immediately, no matter what was agreed upon beforehand.

But nonetheless many fellow kinksters have taken part in spankings or related kinky activities where no explicit safeword was agreed upon and where it even was the understanding of all participants that safewording was not expected to happen. For some this is the setting when it comes to real life discipline. Others also do play scenarios which are explicitly declared as having no safeword. For instance, Emma Jane wrote a report about such a scene here several years ago. Those scenes are usually very dark, designed to take the bottoms to their limits and beyond.

When I read about scenes like that, a part of me always asked why someone would put themselves up to anything like that, given that in real life there are enough dark and sad situations where we don't have much control, anyway. But I understood that there was a difference between those dark scenes and reality. First of all, the participants trusted the tops they played with to make sure that no real harm was caused. And from the description of the bottoms it became clear that they weren't really broken after the scene was over. Instead they seemed to be flying, getting stronger from having survived the experience. And they were caught by the tops who, as soon as the scene was over, pampered them and made sure they were okay.

That was the part that always somehow intrigued me. I knew that for me, setting myself up for such a dark scenario would do nothing good. I would simply be broken and not flying afterwards. And I have made too many experiences with panic attacks in real life situations where I only had limited control for experiences like that to have any appeal for me. Still, I always wondered whether there could be a scenario in which I would experience something similar and gain the same feeling of strength and happiness.

Today I know that this scenario really exists. I have been through it and it resembled nothing I had experienced in my life until then. It was of course different in some ways from what my fellow kinksters described in their play reports. But when I thought about it afterwards, it came to me in how many regards my experience resembled what I had read from others.

In my next posts I will write more about what happened. And I think you are going to understand what I am talking about. For now, I would like to ask you how you feel about kinky play “without a safeword” and about real-life events that require giving up control. Under which conditions would you be willing to set yourself up for either of them? Have you ever gained a lot by doing it? I would be very glad to read about your thoughts and experiences in the comment section!

Monday, May 21, 2018

Sucking the Boss Cock

Recently we had a music industry scandal in Germany, involving a music award and some rappers. I don't want to go into any details here, but the reason I am telling you about this is that it inspired Ludwig to look at some German rap lyrics (he doesn't usually listen to that kind of music).

He told me later how dumb he found many of them. There was one line which was so ridiculous that he kind of liked it, though, because it made him laugh. In one of his songs, one rapper fantasized that his bitch (or however he might choose to call the love of his life) should suck the "boss cock" (which apparently is the nickname for his little willy).

The line was so over the top that it sounded quite funny. What made it even weirder was the fact that the line itself was in German, but contained the wonderful phrase "boss cock" in English! For me it would be really hard to take a guy seriously who talks like that, but I am afraid the creator of this line might actually believe that it sounds ultra hard and cool...

However, his discovery obviously triggered Ludwig's fantasies. When we were about to have some fun one evening, he told me in his tongue-in-cheek way: "So, come on now, suck the boss cock! I bet you would enjoy that, wouldn't you?"

That was the point were the difference between rapper fantasy and reality set in, though! Because his words did not, actually, result in the desired action, but in me pulling Ludwig over my knee, taking down his pants and spanking his naked bottom with my hand, making him squirm. I love that I can create reactions from him with a hand spanking, given that Ludwig can take a severe caning rather stoically! He always tells me that he doesn't know why my little hands (I really have to take children's sizes when I buy gloves) feel like iron. I took my time and continued until my hand hurt quite a bit as well.

After I was done and Ludwig's backside had a nice red glow (just like my hand), I made of course sure that Ludwig got some pleasure, too. After all, I am no big mean rapper lady who refers to her private bits as her boss pussy and believes that her guy should only serve her. But unfortunately for Ludwig (to be honest, I think he is quite happy about that), I am not very submissive, either, and so I prefer to give my husband pleasure under my conditions and not because I'm told to suck the boss cock.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Apr 2018):
Out Of Control?

In my last two Kaelah's Corner posts I explained why I had decided not to show my boobies in my pictures when I started blogging and publishing kinky photos of myself and why I have become more open in that regard nowadays. One of the main issues which I discussed in these posts was the factor of trying to keep control.

I think that having control is often just an illusion when it comes to our lives in general. That becomes painfully obvious when a loved one suddenly gets seriously ill or we unexpectedly lose our job or when we are confronted with crime, terrorism and war. But in my opinion not being able to control everything in our life doesn't mean we shouldn't have dreams, make plans and try to give our life a direction we like.

I think it is wise to take into consideration that things might not always turn out as planned, though, and to stay open-minded. In that regard, I believe that being aware that we can't always be in control actually gives us more control because we stay open enough to recognize unexpected chances and to use them. For example, take a woman who sadly loses her job, but suddenly realises that this is her chance to go into a different field of work that always appealed to her but seemed too big of a leap as long as she had her old, well-paying job. Or a man who becomes very ill and starts thinking about the things he hasn't done, yet, but would love to do. And after fighting the illness he decides to go on a trip around the globe because he has realised that this is something he wants to do from deep within his heart.

And then there are those things in life where we have to deliberately give up control in order to gain something we really want. Giving birth is such a situation. In order for the child to be born, the mother has to open up and hand over control to her body. And all future parents voluntarily jump into a situation that is completely new to them and where they can't control beforehand which challenges they will be confronted with or how that will make them feel. But the wish of having a child is so strong that it seems worth taking the risk.

When it comes to kink, control of course is an important factor, too. As a top, I like the aspect of being in control. Not in a way that I really want to have control over someone who wants to give up responsibilities. But in the way that I like to have control in a setting with a clearly defined framework that was agreed upon beforehand. And with that control I love to provoke reactions, not only reactions to pain, but also – in my intimate play with Ludwig – reactions of arousal.

As a bottom I am a person who openly admits to top from the bottom. I am not interested in letting another person do something to me which I don't enjoy or don't have agreed upon beforehand. That said, both in my more BDSM-centred fantasies as well as in my sexual play with Ludwig, I love the idea of giving up control in certain ways, for instance by being bound. But that's not because I enjoy the feeling of being helpless. Quite the contrary: Being the passive part allows me to completely focus on myself and my own pleasure instead of being in charge of organizing things for myself and others as I usually am.

And what about publishing kinky pictures and videos? As I wrote in my last Kaelah's Corner posts, I had to accept that it is impossible to keep control of what others do with the photos and clips. And I think that I would most probably never have published any kinky pictures of myself if Ludwig hadn't done it before. In the beginning, the only reason I decided to show my face in pictures and videos was because I didn't want to remain Ludwig's faceless girlfriend here on the blog.

Initially, the fact that I couldn't control what others said about or did with my photos and clips scared me. In a way, it made me feel helpless. But I also came to realise how much I enjoyed creating beautiful pictures and bringing to life kinky fantasies. So I became more open over time, despite the lack of complete control.

When I posted a nude picture showing my breast in my last Kaelah's Corner post, an anonymous commenter wrote in a very thoughtful comment: "Did you feel like you were giving up control or more like you were gaining it? In the photo it seems like you are completely at ease and have full control. Maybe ironically when we think we lose control is when we most gain it?"

I think the observation is correct and we often gain more control by accepting to give it up in certain regards. I still have my personal boundaries when it comes to the questions which pictures I publish and I think that is good and important. But accepting that I can't control how others use my photos has made me feel much less helpless and therefore given me more freedom to publish the pictures I like without having to ponder the question what others will think, say or do with them.

And having jumped into the whole adventure in the first place most certainly made me gain more than I could possibly lose through the pictures I've posted. Because the creative process itself and the compliments I have received on the finished photos and clips have made me feel more womanly, sexy and self-confident than I would ever have thought possible. So, I want to take this chance to wholeheartedly thank all of you for that!

How about you? What role does the issue of control play in your life, your kink and your behaviour as a member of the kinky online community? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Ten Per Cent Is Not Nothing

A few weeks ago, Ludwig and I had a little discussion. We had to pay a bill and the question was who would pay how much of it. As you all know, we are married. But we still haven't thrown all of our money together. Instead, we share the costs for our daily lives and the things we buy depending on what it is. Sometimes it's 50/50 (travel costs, for instance), sometimes only one of us pays (because it's something only one of us uses), sometimes we share costs according to our current respective income (living expenses), and so on.

I suggested that we should share the costs of said bill 50/50. Ludwig suggested a different formula which he considered to be more fair given how much each of us had used what we were paying for. "Hey, you just want to save money!" I jokingly complained. "According to that formula, you'll end up paying far less than half!" Ludwig maintains that I said "you'll end up paying almost nothing", but I disagree. In any case, we didn't discuss the topic in more detail or make a final decision, as we had other things to do. The sum concerned was small and it wasn't such a big issue, anyway.

Ludwig couldn't resist using the situation for a scene, though. A bit later he called me into the bedroom and put me over his knee. As he spanked my bottom, he asked me what the highest number of strokes which I ever got with a cane was. I replied that it was 50. So, he asked me, ten per cent of 50 is how much? I said something about being blonde and not knowing the answer. He didn't buy it and spanked me more. So, I finally answered that the correct tally was five.

Happy with my profound maths skills, Ludwig announced that he would give me five strokes with the cane to show me that "ten per cent is not nothing". I protested that I had never implied that he wanted me to pay the whole bill. I had just said he obviously wanted to pay less than half of it. Quite frankly, I was of the opinion that according to the formula he had suggested, Ludwig would have had to pay more than ten per cent, maybe about twenty. But of course I didn't tell him that, given the situation I found myself in...

I couldn't argue Ludwig out of his plan to cane me, though (surprise!), and so I hesitantly followed his order to fetch a cane after he had let me stand up. There were only unpeeled, crook-handled ones in the wardrobe, and so I took out one of them. It was a thin dragon cane. Big mistake, since I don't like sting! I bent over the bed, still grumpy because it was all so unfair, and Ludwig told me to pull down my pants and knickers.

I did as I was told and Ludwig took aim. With a crack, the first stroke hit the target. I moaned and hissed and bent my knees under the stinging pain. We hadn't played in a long time and I wasn't used to the pain anymore. I told Ludwig that. He didn't seem to mind (which top doesn't enjoy getting some reactions for his hard work, right?). But he gave me time to recover before the next stroke hit my poor bottom. I struggled through that one and the next two, feeling a bit sick from the pain, even though the strokes were only moderately hard.

Ludwig and I talked throughout the caning and he told me that I could be happy to have been given a warm-up. And I was! Still, I mused whether I am not really kinky anymore, or at least not a real bottom. Some years ago the caning would probably have made me horny, which might have made it easier to deal with the pain. That said, I was never really good with the first cane strokes, and moderately hard ones were never much easier to take for me than severe ones.

Anyhow, I had made it through four of the five strokes! Only to be reminded by Ludwig that the last one is always the hardest and that he had been quite nice so far. So I prepared myself for the final stroke which produced a hot burning stripe on my derriere. Again I groaned with pain and struggled to deal with the breathtaking fire on my bottom.

Ludwig really seemed to have enjoyed himself (in contrast to me). Of course he couldn't resist closing the scene by asking me what I had learned today. Well, I might have been beaten, but obviously I wasn't beaten - if you know what I mean. Because despite the risk that came with my answer, I replied: "I've learned that ten per cent of 50 is five!" Ludwig and I both cracked up laughing.
"Hey, are there any stripes to see?" I asked. "Yes, indeed!" Ludwig replied. I looked in the mirror and saw five dark red lines on my bottom. Now my kink returned. While I might not enjoy being spanked that much anymore, I still like taking pictures of spanking marks. "Let's take a picture for the blog," I told Ludwig. As I already said, we had lots of other things to do, but Ludwig agreed nonetheless and fetched the camera. Thus I can not only tell you the story of the spanking, but you can see the resulting marks as well.

The marks were visible for a few days, but fortunately not for too long, because I had a doctor's appointment. Well, I suppose I have learned even more from that day. Not only is ten per cent of 50 five, but one should also always be very careful about which cane one chooses - especially when being out of proper practice as a bottom!

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2018):
Boobies? (Part 2)

This is the second part of my post about boobies and the question whether to show them in pictures or not. In part 1 I explained why I had decided not to expose my breasts in the photos posted on this blog when I started blogging and sharing pictures. As an anonymous commenter observed correctly, it all comes down to keeping at least a certain amount of control while already sharing a lot about myself and therefore making myself vulnerable.

Today's post is about what has changed in the meantime and why I am comfortable with showing my breasts today. And I will also answer the question of how much my personal boundaries have really stretched and where my limits are now.

So, let's start with looking at the changes that have taken place during my now almost nine years as a blogger. I'll take the same categories that I already used in my last post when I explained the reasons why I didn't want to show any frontal nudity at first:

My own ki
nky preferences
Those haven't changed much over time when it comes to frontal nudity. I still am not too fond of frontal nudity as a viewer of spanking porn. But there are mainly two scenarios in which I find frontal nudity or full nudity interesting. The first one is an erotic spanking scene. I've seen a few of those over the years which I've really liked. In such a scene full nudity is okay or even attractive for me because it fits the context and the dynamics between spanker and spankee. There is even one concrete scenario in this category which Ludwig and I want to publish on video. In his comment on my fun post about kinks that don't fit Canelover said that in his opinion severe spankings and sensual scenes don't go together very well. While I generally agree, there is one scenario that has a high attraction for me which combines exactly these two things: a severe caning embedded in an erotic sensual scene. After having done my first severe caning as an experiment without any additional storyline and my second hard caning within a consensual, empowering but formal, scenario, this is the scene which is still missing in Ludwig's and my view. And for this scene being nude seems to be the most fitting choice. The second scenario is the one depicted in the photo accompanying this post. As some of you might remember this picture belongs to a set of nude pictures in the snow that I published way back in 2010. I love taking erotic photos outdoors, but so far Ludwig and I always made sure that only pictures not showing any frontal nudity were published. While I still have my limits concerning that aspect, I don't mind posting pictures depicting a part of my breasts anymore. That allows for different beautiful positions and perspectives. When it comes to nudity in nature, I think getting a glimpse of a breast can complete a picture and make it more sexy and natural while still being subtle. And so with this post you get to see a photo that was initially meant for our private collection only.

Fear of objectification
Over time I have learned that the readers of our blog, those who really care about the person behind the picture, won't objectify me or think I am available for at least mental (ab)use. Showing frontal nudity won't change anything about that. And those who are just looking for pictures for a quick gratification aren't a threat to me, either. First of all, that doesn't mean they see me as an object. And secondly, even if anyone had fantasies about how to use "that girl in the picture" in a way I wouldn't be comfortable with, this has nothing to do with me as a person. It is just the image that is used, not me.

Keeping control of how the pictures are used
To keep it short: I've found out that this is impossible, no matter how hard you try. I can for instance post a kinky picture showing my bottom with marks from a consensual, empowering scene, together with a clear description what that scene was all about. And I can still find that very photo in another place accompanied by a comment about how that submissive slut in the picture has just been punished by her husband for being negligent in her household chores and how she is now ready to suck his cock and be buttfucked. Not showing any frontal nudity doesn't mean that people can't put a picture in a very explicit sexual context or in a context that makes me feel uneasy. However, interpretations of strangers again have nothing to do with me as a person. Still I have to admit that seeing one's picture being set in a completely different context can be unsettling, even more so when it depicts oneself in a vulnerable, intimate way.

Not wanting to be reduced to my private bits
Again, after so many years of blogging, I don't fear that this could happen just because I post a picture showing my breasts from time to time. Writing about my kink and my thoughts will always be the central focus of this blog and my pictures won't be just about private parts, either. So I don't think there is any risk of being reduced to private bits, at least not by our readers. And if someone comes across one of my pictures elsewhere and is only interested in the intimate parts, then again this isn't about me as a person, so it doesn't really matter, either.

So much about how my views and fears concerning frontal nudity have changed. But how much have my boundaries stretched?

When I searched for a picture to accompany this post, I realised that I obviously still have my limits when it comes to frontal nudity. While I am comfortable with showing more of my breasts, I still don't want them to be the main focus of the picture. I like to publish kinky photos and photos combining nudity with nature, but I still want them to be subtly erotic only and not to focus on private parts. Maybe it is still about the fears mentioned above, maybe it is still about keeping a bit of myself private, most possibly a combination of both. Now matter why, the limit is still there.

Plus, I've found out that I am still not very keen on prominently showing my nether regions. I think I would be okay with them being slightly visible in a picture taken from the side or something like that, but I came across several pictures that showed me directly from the front which I didn't feel comfortable publishing, even though Ludwig considered them more beautiful. I'm not sure whether this boundary might be stretched a bit, too, some day in the future. But until that happens, I will stick to what Bob S's advice in the comment section of the first part of my post and only show as much of myself as I am comfortable with. And I sincerely hope you'll enjoy what you see!

Friday, March 23, 2018

Have You Got A Cane With You?

Ludwig and I usually don't watch much TV. But in the recent weeks I have zapped a bit through the channels in the evening when I was too tired after a busy day to do something more productive. Some days ago I came across an older German hospital TV series called Für alle Fälle Stefanie.

It's basically a feelgood show, not as dramatic as many of the American hospital TV series. Instead, you are watching doctors and nurses with good hearts who not only cure their patients physically, but also help to solve family quarrels, bring people together and so on. Just the right thing after a stressful day when one's head is already dull.

So I watched a bit and relaxed. There were several patients whose stories were told in the episode I watched, one of whom probably was (I didn't watch the beginning of the episode) a single father who put his life at risk because he refused to quit smoking even though his lungs were in bad shape. Every time he had the chance, he went outside to secretly smoke a cigarette.

One evening when his roommate seemed to be sleeping, he went out on the balcony in front of the room and lit another cigarette. His roommate, who had quit smoking a few years earlier, saw him, though, and pushed the button to call a nurse.

Now, we all know that the plot and dialogues in this kind of series aren't realistic, but I really didn't expect what happened then: First of all, it wasn't one of the nurses who came into the room, but the doctor who had already tried, unsuccessfully, to convince our unreasonable single father to quit smoking. The roommate pointed to the balcony and made a gesture to indicate that someone was smoking again. The doctor signaled him to remain quiet and tiptoed to the balcony.

Then came the really unexpected part as the following dialogue occurred between the doctor and his patient:

Doctor: "Mr Leiser, I will have to fetch a fire extinguisher!"
Patient (throwing away the cigarette and swallowing the smoke): "What a beautiful moon tonight."
Doctor: "You are very ill. If I ever catch you again..."
Patient: "Have you got a cane with you?"
Doctor: "... I'll have to report you and then you'll have to pay for the whole party. There will always be someone who snitches on you, okay?"

Now I was awake! Did I really get that right? Did the guy really ask the doctor out of nowhere whether he might cane him? There was no mistaking he meant, because he used the German word "Rohrstock" which is the kind of cane used for whipping someone. The words for a walking cane and the like are different.

Well, I checked the online media centre to make sure that my tired kinky mind hadn't played a trick on me. It turned out that I had heard correctly. Who would write such a strange dialogue, I wonder? A fellow kinkster? I mean, the episode was aired for the first time in 2003, not in the sixties! And would anyone really ask a doctor that kind of question, kinky or not? I suppose I wouldn't. Would you?

Anyhow, it was a funny discovery. The thing is, there are famous scenes with spanking references in several movies and series which most of us know. And there are the kind of series and films where I would suspect that a kinky reference might come up. But in this case it caught me flat-footed.

By the way, of course the father did quit smoking in the end after he had found out his son had started smoking, too. So, they both promised each other to never smoke a cigarette again. And they lived happily ever after...

What I would like to know: have you ever had a similar experience with an unexpected spanking reference? In which movie or series? And what was it about? I would love to hear your stories. Please leave a comment if you like!

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Feb 2018):
Boobies? (Part 1)

Welcome to another slightly belated edition of Kaelah's Corner. I needed a while to compose today's post in my head, so I didn't manage to write it down before March (unfortunately February is such a short month). I've also decided to split it into two parts, because it would be too long otherwise.

As the title already indicates, this set of posts is about boobies. To be precise, it is about the question whether to show them in pictures or not. In my recent post Pushing Boundaries I said that I don't have the strong urge anymore to stretch my boundaries when it comes to kink. Last year, though, this post led to curious questions.

The reason wasn't something I had written, but the first and third picture that accompanied the post. Some of you might think: What's so special about those pictures? But those who know me for a longer time will realise that with said pictures, I had overcome one of my former strict limits. The picture show one of my breasts including the nipple. Before I posted them, I had always said that I would never show any frontal nudity in my pictures. That included the nether regions as well as my breasts - I sometimes showed them partly, but always covered up at least the nipples.

In the comment section, James M asked what had changed, and an anonymous commenter said he or she thought that I was about to show my more playful side with those pictures. James M also mentioned that he knows one spanking model who regretted having shown her boobies once in a film, which I found very interesting, and thus I decided that the question why I have changed my mind concerning this aspect would be a nice topic for a post. Today's part will be about why I decided not to show my breasts when I started posting pictures and spanking clips. The next edition of Kaelah's Corner will be about what has changed.

So, let's start from the beginning. Why was frontal nudity including the breasts once a hard limit for me?

I think this post from 2010 titled "Pictures of You" gives you a very good idea of my mindset and my fears when I started publishing pictures of myself on this blog. In short, I already had the feeling that I made myself very vulnerable by writing too openly not only about my erotic fantasies, but also about my fears, flaws and so on while at the same time posting intimate erotic photos showing not only my bottom, but also my face. Thus I wanted to keep at least something for myself. And that was my breasts and private bits.

There were several concrete reasons why I didn't want to show any frontal nudity which were:

My own kinky preferences
As I wrote in one of my posts on spanking porn, I am not too much into frontal nudity as a viewer of spanking porn. The reason is that I have a thing for formal scenarios which don't include sexual humiliation, and frontal nudity usually doesn't fit these scenarios. I like to watch more explicit BDSM scenes from time to time, but when it comes to spanking, I'm not into close-ups of private parts. The pictures and clips I am interested in making and comfortable posting are about spanking and spanking-related topics only. While they are supposed to be sexy, I want them to be subtle and initiate kinky fantasies rather than to show close-ups of private bits.

Fear of objectification
As I wrote in my post Pictures of You, posting erotic photos went along with a fear of being objectified by the viewers and of seeming to be available as a person for at least mental ab(use) by total strangers who see my pictures. Not showing any frontal nudity at the time seemed to decrease the risk of coming over as wanting to be objectified.

Keeping control of how the pictures are used
When I started posting pictures and clips, I was very afraid that they could be taken out of their context and linked to a new one. That fear is related to the fear of objectification. I didn't want my photos and films to be used in a context I wasn't comfortable with. Not showing any frontal nudity seemed to decrease that risk, because it seemed to make it at least a bit harder to bring my pictures into a very explicit context.

Not wanting to be reduced to my private bits
Right from the beginning when I started publishing pictures, they have always accompanied and still accompany one of my personal posts and are supposed to underline a certain message, bring alive a kinky scenario that means something to me or show a glimpse of a private scene I write about. I love the creative process of composing and taking photos. When I started writing for this blog, I was scared, though, that posting pictures or clips with full frontal nudity wouldn't bring those people to our blog who were interested in reading my posts and in Ludwig and me as human beings, but people who were interested in explicit photos and quick sexual gratification only. Since I wanted to be seen as a person and exchange thoughts with others, it seemed to me that not showing any frontal nudity made it more likely to achieve these goals.

That's why frontal nudity and showing my breasts was a hard limit for me for a very long time. Usually that wasn't a problem because this blog focuses on erotic spanking and therefore mostly on the bottom. But there were times when it proved to be difficult. For instance, when Ludwig and I filmed my first severe caning. I was completely nude for the clip, because it was supposed to resemble one of the canings by Mood Pictures or Lupus Pictures for which the models are usually naked. To make sure that my nipples wouldn't be visible in the clip we wanted to publish later, though, we spent a lot of time setting up the cameras very carefully and checking every angle. That was even more difficult when we made our football bet clip with Leia-Ann Woods, because that one included a back whipping. There were several pictures (especially the naked ones in nature), too, where I had to adjust my position or explicitly cover my breasts to make sure they weren't fully shown.

I kept up my limit for several years. But then came the day when I decided to change my mind. Why and in how far will be the topic of my next Kaelah's Corner post.

For today, I would like to ask those of you who have a blog or post pictures or clips of themselves about your limits when it comes to how much you show of yourselves. Have they changed over time? And to those among you who are blog readers and viewers of spanking porn: how much do you want to see and how do the limits of amateur bloggers like me and professional models come over to you? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section!

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Kinks That Don't Fit

Ludwig and I were both in the bathroom after a busy day. We were standing at the sink in front of the huge mirror. As he sometimes does when we are both exhausted and preparing for bed, Ludwig began to gently scratch my shoulders and back. I really love that (I have to admit that being softly scratched and tickled for me is almost better than sex) and instantly began to purr.
"You are my little tickle slut, aren't you? You'd do everything for me when I am scratching your back, right?" Ludwig asked. Then he grabbed my hair and neck with one hand while still gently scratching me with the other. "Look in the mirror and see how I am scratching you," Ludwig commanded, "look closely, do you see it?" "Oh, yes," I replied in my best spanking porn voice, "I love it when you pet me so dominantly!"

That was the moment when we both burst out laughing. "Okay," I stated, "it seems that some kinks don't fit together very well." - "But," Ludwig replied, "if we can think of it, there is a chance that someone is actually into doing it." I don't know how big the probability is of meeting someone who is into being petted in a dominant way, but I guess Ludwig is right and there might indeed be kinksters whose core fantasy is exactly that.

Still I think it's a difficult combination. Ludwig and I at least don't manage to combine gentle scratching (which makes me melt and relax) with kinky dominance (which makes me hot if it is the right kind of dominance)! But it was really funny to play with the idea! It made me wonder if there are other funny kinky combinations one might think of.  Ideas, anyone?

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Jan 2018):
Pushing Boundaries

Last year, I showed you this picture displaying severe marks on my bottom as well as my inner thighs. In my next post, I wrote about the caning scene that had led to the marks on my bottom and showed you the picture of the fresh marks directly after the scene. Today I want to tell you more about the marks on my thighs (a closer shot of them is attached to this post) and what they tell about my kink.

When I posted the first picture of my marks, I mentioned that I wasn't sure whether I should go to the public swimming pool while my legs were still so visibly black and blue. In the comment section, many readers made suggestions how they would handle that question and some also shared their own experiences with similar situations. Some argued that most vanillas might not even connect the marks to erotic spanking but assume that there was another explanation for them.

Funnily, nobody seemed to consider the idea that the bruises in fact really weren't linked to any spanking activities! And no one seemed to wonder why I suddenly tried a severe spanking scene that involved my inner thighs, given that I had always claimed a (more than extremely light) spanking on my legs to be off-limits for me.

To solve the riddle – my view on strokes on the legs in the context of erotic spanking hasn't changed and the picture of my bruises might explain a bit why I am so opposed to spankings on my legs and thighs. My legs bruise extremely easily and since I've also got scars in that region just from gaining and losing a bit of weight, I don't want to take any risk of causing damage from a spanking.

There are more reasons of course – I also don't like the view of marks on the legs too much, I don't think that the pain would be the right one for me and there aren't any scenarios which involve a severe spanking on the inner thighs that have a high appeal for me. That said, I can imagine taking less severe strokes on my legs during a very intimate, sexual scene. But none that would leave bruises which are as intense as the ones in the picture above.

I suppose some bottoms who do severe scenes involving the legs and thighs do so because those scenes have a genuine appeal for them. Maybe it's a certain scenario they are into or they are attracted by the special kind of pain or they like the resulting marks. I assume for others a severe thigh spanking holds an attraction only in so far that enduring it means pushing their limits.

I can get the appeal of pushing one's limits in a scene – I have done that with my severe canings. But it seems that my willingness to push limits in the context of erotic spanking is limited and maybe has become even more limited over time, after I had experienced my first severe caning and was able to file it under "been there, done that". As a matter of fact, severe canings were the only field in which I wanted to push my boundaries, anyway, at first because they held such a big attraction for Ludwig, later because I became attracted by them, too. But after my first scene, I had a clear idea what was attractive and okay for me (the severity itself) and which things I wanted to avoid because they made the experience less satisfying for me (too rapid strokes without proper breaks). Other fields in which I stretched my boundaries were playing with others, posting pictures and making clips. But I was careful to take it slow and not break my limits.

When I push my limits, not matter in which field, it's not only about surviving the experience. As I said before, the experience itself must hold a special appeal for me that makes it worthwhile in my view to "go the extra mile". And I want to feel okay throughout the experience, making sure that I only stretch my limits but don't break them. When it comes to my spanking kink, the only scenes where this might be true today, could be more sexualised scenes which I'd like to try out with Ludwig.

The bruises on my legs were linked to an experience of pushing my personal limits, too, but as I said, it had nothing to do with erotic spanking. As a matter of fact, the bruises were an accidental byproduct and not intended, anyway.

So, what did I do? Well, it all started with a birthday party that took place at a grill hut in the woods. Nearby there was a playground for children. Since there were several kids at the party, we spent some time there, the children playing, the adults watching and talking. The playground had a wooden ship with a steel pole like you might know them from fire stations. The pole could be reached from a platform on top of the wooden ship that was about three meters high. We watched the children climbing up and sliding down without fear.

I am suffering from fear of heights, though, and wasn't sure whether I would have the guts to jump from the platform and slide down the pole. But it definitely tantalised me, since I try to challenge my fear of heights and small enclosed spaces from time to time (within reasonable limits) in order not to become more and more restricted because of my fear.

And so, after pondering the situation for a while, I entered the platform. My problem was that there was quite a gap between the platform and the pole. That meant it was possible to put one's hands on the pole while still standing on the platform, but in order to put one's legs around, one had to jump. Ludwig had tried it and of course managed to slide down the pole without any problems. I wasn't sure whether I was strong enough to hold on to the pole after jumping, though. What if I lost grip and fell instead of sliding to the ground?  My hands were wet and my heart was pounding.

Thankfully the children were kind enough not to make any fun of me. Still I couldn't get myself to jump, even though someone was standing next to the pole, offering support. So, I sat down on the platform, grabbed the pole with my hands and finally managed to get myself to jumping from there. I put my legs around the pole and slid down.

That gave me the self-confidence that I had the strength to hold myself, and so I went back up and stood on the platform again. Still the ground looked very far away and my legs were shaky. But I was determined to go through with it. Encouraged by my supporter who still stood next to the pole and by Ludwig who was nearby as well and made sure that no child was getting in my way, I took a deep breath, grabbed the pole and jumped. I made it safely to the ground without any help and was very relieved and happy.

Then I realised there was no proof of my bravery. As stupid as it might sound to some people, I mean we are talking about sliding down a pole on a children's playground, for me it took a lot of courage to overcome my fears. And I wasn't sure whether I would do anything similar again anytime soon. So, while I was in the right flow, I asked Ludwig to film me with our camera and climbed the platform once again. For a final time I brought myself to jump and safely slid to the ground. Ludwig had banned the event on video and so I could happily end my experiment and enjoy the rest of the party.

As we went back to the barbecue, I realised that my inner thighs were somehow hurting, though. Later, when I took a look at my legs, I was slightly shocked to find them severely bruised. Bruised from sliding down a pole on a children's playground three times! The reason was of course that in my fear of losing grip I had put my legs too tightly around the pole and hurt them while sliding down. It also shows how easily my legs bruise, though. But in this case I figured that it was worth it, because the experience had given me a very good feeling and had improved my trust in my own physical abilities.

So, I'd say I still like the concept of pushing my limits from time to time. I just guess that erotic spanking isn't the field in which I have lots of plans of doing so. Today there are other fields in my life in which I want to stretch my boundaries and make special empowering experiences. And sometimes those experiences can be as small as sliding down a pole on a playground.

Erotic spanking on the other hand is just that – an erotic experience and fun. There might be a little bit of edginess and pushing limits involved, but that certainly is not my main focus, even though I still enjoy brave girl scenarios. That said, I don't mind pushing Ludwig's limits if he wants me to! :-)

How about you? Are there limits you like to push in the field of erotic spanking? If yes, which ones and why? And has it changed over time? Is spanking an important field for you when it comes to stretching boundaries or are other fields more important? I am very curious to hear about your thoughts and experiences in the comment section!

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Tenth Blogiversary

Today is my tenth blogiversary. It was on 25th January 2008 that I started Rohrstock-Palast with my first post, titled The Mad King. I've said this before and I dislike repeating myself, but it really does feel like a different lifetime. A decade is a fairly long time in any life, and I went through some substantial changes since that younger guy wrote that first post here. Most importantly, I met Kaelah through this blog, which was the beginning of many adventures for us.

By now, we have moved in together, we are happily married, and we are taking on the responsibilities which tend to pile up as one enters middle age - including taking care of loved ones. 2017 was our busiest year yet, and certainly the busiest year I've had in my entire life so far. That, in itself, is not a bad thing, I suppose - it is better to be busy than to be bored. But it does leave almost no time and energy for kink, blogging or other hobbies. This time last year, I was sincerely hoping to get back to writing posts at least semi-regularly. But it turned out that that simply wasn't possible. First I had more projects than anticipated to take care of in my job, then Kaelah was ill for quite some time, then one of our family members had a medical emergency that required a lot of organisational work from us, then we had to take care of all the stuff that had been left unattended to in the meantime... Whenever one crisis was finally taken care of, another one popped up. And it's still like that. Actually, the last couple of days have been extremely hectic once again, and I certainly wouldn't be writing a post today if it weren't for the fact that this is my tenth blogiversary, which I can't possibly miss.

So, everything I wrote on my last blogiversary still applies. I still have to edit at least five videos which have already been filmed, and we have at least one more to film. I still hope to return to blogging. I still can't make any firm promises about when that will be.

I wish I could offer you more in celebration of this blogiversary. But even though Rohrstock-Palast hasn't seen many new posts lately, I am still proud that we have reached the ten-year milestone. Most blogs never get anywhere near that, even in a semi-active state. And we do have some great posts and videos still to come before we are finished. So, in the meantime, I would like to ask you to continue to be patient, and I would like to thank you again for sticking with us for all these years.

Let's hope that 2018 will have fewer crises in store for us than the previous year and that, as a result, we can be more prolific on the blog again. I keep my fingers crossed!

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Cane Coin, Anyone?

As those who have read my tailor-made LOL Day spanking story might have noticed, I am somewhat fascinated by the current cryptocurrency and blockchain hype. In my opinion, it is all a huge bubble that will burst sooner or later, just like the Dot-com bubble did back in 2000. Still, it is very interesting to watch how the cryptocurrency market and the blockchain technology evolve and in how far they have an influence on the traditional economies and on politics.

Recently, I have become aware of something I found very interesting in the kinky context, though, and thought it would be a funny topic for a small post. You see, there is no kind of business idea that is not covered by some company in the cryptocurrency and blockchain world. Of course, many of the companies are in serious industries such as finance, energy, transport and the like. But there are also coins and blockchains for gamers, gamblers and for the adult industry and kinksters like us!

I've stumbled across two of them, a set of coins named BDSM and fetish and a blockchain named Spankchain. The idea of the former was to attract kinksters and serve as a currency in the adult industry or as a payment in BDSM relationships for "whatever", as the description said. Interestingly, the coins don't seem to exist anymore, so obviously that was a huge flop. The blockchain named Spankchain is still active and strives to offer smart contracts for the adult industry that don't involve expensive middlemen and to fight the discrimination of the profession that often comes from governments.

I don't have any idea how long this blockchain will survive, and I surely don't want to turn this post into a serious analysis of the market potential! What came to my mind were Pandora/Blake's problems with CCBill, though, who used their power as the billing agent who handle the credit card transactions on Pandora/Blake's site Dreams Of Spanking to censor the content on the site according to their policies (which meant, for instance, no consensual non-consent). I guess in that regard the blockchain technology might indeed be able to do something good!

Apart from this more serious thought, most of my ideas centred around the fun potential of kinky cryptocurrencies, though. I imagine a world in which the decentralized blockchain world and the old world of financial intermediates have intermingled and you have currencies for every special purpose. Which means that, for us kinksters, there are coins like spank coin, cane coin, bondage coin and the like. And of course, you can not only get them online, but, for the more traditional ones among us, also at your local bank. So I see myself standing in my local bank, telling the friendly elderly grey-haired guy in his smart suit behind the counter that I need 100 cane coins - or, and I like the sound of that even better, the German version "Rohrstock".

What a weird situation to think of! I can see the poor guy trying to keep a straight face while arranging for my request to be fulfilled. And I can imagine the looks on the faces of the other customers who are waiting in the line behind me and have just heard the word “Rohrstock”. I am not sure whether I would be comfortable in that situation, would it be real. But I find it an intriguing imaginary scenario!

So,what kind of coins would you like to purchase and for what would you use them in such a world? Let your imagination run wild! I am looking forward to hearing about your crazy thoughts in the comment section.

Oh, and needless to say: This post is not financial advice!