Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2012):
Too Real

 (A historical whipping scene. Hot as a kinky fantasy, but undoubtedly horrible for the victims in real life.)

Several days ago when watching TV, I came across a news report about Pakistan where a 14-year-old girl who fought for women's rights had been shot in the head by Taliban extremists. The report showed how awfully women had been treated under the Taliban regime. It also included a short scene of a woman being held to the ground by several men and being flogged. The whole report moved me because the thought of being oppressed and violated like women (and men) are under extremist regimes is one of the most horrible things I can imagine. But the report also made me think about my limits as a kinky woman and blogger and that's what I want to post about today.

As most of you certainly know, I am against any form of physical (and psychological) punishment, be it severe judicial canings or slapping a child with one's hand. The only exception are consensual (i.e. informed consent) discipline agreements between adults who really have a free choice in that matter and the possibility to withdraw their consent at any given time. I don't practise any kind of consensual corporal punishment and I openly admit that I even consider some forms of consensual discipline arrangements to be rather unhealthy for the people involved. But, as long as the above conditions are given, adults should have the freedom to do whatever they want, in my view.

I don't want to talk about real-life discipline, though, but about erotic kinky role-play. Because even consensual kinky role-play scenarios are often based on (historical) forms of corporal punishment which aren't (or weren't) consensual at all in reality. Be it canings in school, judicial CP, naval floggings or maybe even dark abduction and rape scenarios. Now, I am of course absolutely convinced that one can be strongly against any form of violence or non-consensual CP in real life but still enjoy consensual role-plays which resemble scenarios that would be horrible if they were real.

I admittedly belong to those kinksters who easily feel uncomfortable with consensual non-consent, though, and I often prefer at least semi-consensual role-play scenarios - where the spankee, albeit reluctantly, agrees to a punishment. But that is just a personal preference. In my opinion there is nothing morally wrong with consensual non-consent. And even my fantasies can be stimulated by non-consensual real-life scenarios. For example, when Ludwig and I once visited the museum at the Churchill War Rooms in London, a school punishment book caught my attention. The fantasy of brave school boys taking their canings definitely pushes my kinky buttons. But still I am absolutely against any form of real-life CP for school children. Because, let's face it: While I hope that Churchill and his classmates didn't suffer any permanent trauma from the canings which they received at school, it still was a non-consensual act which might have caused mental harm (not to mention the physical one). The same goes for me for naval floggings which I find hot in the not bloody role-play version, but which must have been horrible in the historical real-life version.

I think it is absolutely possible to acknowledge the horrors of real-life violence and to feel with the victims when coming across (historical) references of real-life CP, but to find the idea of a consensual role-play scenario which involves elements of these real-life events appealing at the same time. The question is how to deal with that topic as a blogger. And that is where I have to say that I have certain personal limits of what I would or wouldn't do. I have to admit that I personally wouldn't really feel comfortable to present, for instance, historical newspaper articles about specific non-consensual real-life CP which involve real people's names here on the blog as a basis for erotic kinky fantasies. I can deal with others doing that, though, as long as they clearly distinguish in their writing between the objectionable and horrible real-life event and the consensual erotic fantasy which was triggered by it.

What I can't deal with, though, are depictions of real-life violence (especially when it comes to current events) that are used on kinky blogs without any further comments and without a clear sign of compassion and respect for the victims. For example, a while ago I found one link between several kinky ones which led to a newspaper article about a young woman who had been subjected to judicial CP in Saudi Arabia. The article was presented on a Tumblr blog between erotic kinky pictures. In this case it was a first person real-life account and it obviously was a yellow-press article, so it isn't even clear whether the woman depicted was a real victim. And there was one comment which clearly spoke against real-life judicial CP, too. But there were of course also several "like" notes, uncommented reblogs and even one person who clearly supported the idea of judicial CP.

Regardless of the exact circumstances and the question of whether we are talking about a real victim or a fake in this special case, I would like to use the presentation of this article as an example for the kind of depictions which are clearly outside my comfort zone as a kinky blogger and blog reader. Because looking at it from the perspective of a real victim, I find these kinds of posts, especially without any further comments or with inconsiderate comments which don't distinguish between fantasy and reality, tasteless. If I were a victim of violence and then found a newspaper article or news report about my suffering on an erotic blog (maybe even with people saying how cool and sexy that is or that this is how "naughty women" should be treated), I would feel violated once again. And that's why I am very careful about these things.

I only ever once asked Ludwig to delete a link on our blog. It was a link to a blog that regularly published articles about real-life CP and lacked any kind of disclaimer in which the authors distanced themselves from real-life violence. Ludwig agreed with my request after taking a second look at the blog himself.

How about you? What is your personal comfort zone regarding (historical) real-life references to corporal punishment and their presentation on kinky blogs? I am curious to hear about your opinion!

P. S. Right now, I only manage to write the regular posts for this blog, but not to answer any e-mails and comments or to comment on other blogs. I am still reading, though, and I will come back to your comments and e-mails soon.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Blogosphere Appreciation Day

I was finally going to resume my movie reviews today, but something else has caught my attention in the last couple of days and inspired me to write this spontaneous post. It seems that our fellow bloggers have (also rather spontaneously) declared October 23rd "Bonnie Appreciation Day" to honour Bonnie, the author of My Bottom Smarts, for all that she has done for the spanking blogger community over the years. It is a nice gesture, and quite deserved I think. Bonnie maintains one of the most extensive blogrolls in our community, which often helps new bloggers to first get noticed. She hosts "Sunday brunches" for her readers to discuss a spanking-related topic of the week, like scheduled spankings or the use of mirrors to enhance a session. Last but not least, Bonnie organizes the "Love Our Lurkers Day" every year, where bloggers encourage their formerly silent readers to step out of the shadows and leave a first comment. All of them beautiful efforts that help to bring the community closer together. Thank you, Bonnie, for that!

I am not going to make this an official "Bonnie Appreciation Day" post, though. While I appreciate what Bonnie is doing, I can't claim that I was ever a very regular reader of her blog. So I would feel kind of hypocritical if I just joined in that chorus. However, the "Bonnie Appreciation Day" got me thinking about how the spanking blogosphere, as a whole, influenced my life. Without it and without me getting involved in it, I would never have met my mate Kaelah. Meeting Kaelah was, without a doubt, the happiest stroke of fate I have ever had. I have had other happy strokes of fate, but none comes close to this one. And it all happened here.

Anyone who has read this blog for a while probably knows the story already. For those who are new, here is the highly condensed version. To begin with, everything is Niki Flynn's fault. I first met Niki in 2006. I was mostly a spanking video buff at the time. I had already made some practical experiences with spanking as well, visiting pro dommes, but I did not really know anyone in the Scene privately. Niki was the first person I met who lead what one could call a spanko / BDSM lifestyle, who had a whole circle of like-minded friends who got together for conversations, parties, play sessions. I thought to myself, this is pretty cool.

Right around the time when I first met her, Niki started her own spanking blog. I had never spent time on any blog on any subject and was not a blog reading type of person at all. But I became one of the regular commenters there. With Niki living in the UK and me in Germany, there were few times when we could meet face to face. Her blog was a nice way to stay in touch. It also introduced me to some other interesting people. Niki's blog is where I first "met" Indy, for instance, as well as Pandora Blake. While Niki is responsible for first getting me into this medium as a commenter, Indy and Pandora are probably largely responsible for keeping me there. I remember discussing the finer points of spanking and feminism with them back in the day - those were some great, stimulating discussions. I realised that there were people in the spanking blogosphere who had the same propensity for annoying intellectual wankery as me!

Adele Haze was another early acquaintance from Niki's blog, as were Prefectdt aka Spanked Hortic and quite a few others. Many of them had blogs themselves, so naturally, I started thinking about doing my own as well. I knew that I was a good writer and that my perspective as a male top and occasional switch, as a movie buff and as a philosophical rambler could be an interesting and unique one. I eventually launched the blog in January 2008, and before I knew it, I was also publishing free video clips with Niki.

Kaelah, who was just beginning to explore her long-standing fascination with spanking online in mid-2008, saw one of those video clips on Spanking Tube. Through it, she found my blog and became one of the silent readers. On the Global Day of Delurk 2008, she left her first comment on this blog or any other. So this is the part of the story where I can be particularly thankful to Bonnie - Kaelah was planning on commenting sooner or later, and would have done so even without Bonnie's invention of the "Love Our Lurkers Day", but as things turned out, it was exactly the occasion Kaelah had been waiting for.

The rest is history. If you have not read Where No Man Has Spanked Before yet, I encourage you to do so now. It tells the story of how Kaelah and I got to know each other and became a couple, and it is probably one of the best posts I ever did in terms of the writing as well. A bit verbose as usual, but hey.... That's just moi.

Looking back at that whole string of events, some likely, some unlikely, some of them total coincidences, I marvel at how life works out sometimes. The relationship of Kaelah and me is about much more than spanking, much more than a shared erotic fetish, obviously. But the erotic fetish is how we first met, and the fact that we were right for each other in all the other ways as well is another one of those happy coincidences.

I am thankful to Niki, Indy and Pandora, Spanking Tube, Bonnie, and all the others who somehow were a factor along the way. And so, I declare October 26th my personal Blogosphere Appreciation Day. The spanking blogosphere is a place where good things can happen. And they can happen to you, too.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Short, Sharp Shock

A few days ago, I took a day off from my working routine and went to the sauna in order to relax a bit. The sauna has a pool filled with cold water (19° C / 66.2° F), which not only offers the opportunity to cool down after a sauna session, but is even big enough so that one can actually swim in it for a while. After my first sauna session and a shower, I decided to take the challenge. After all, I am a masochist with brave girl fantasies – and who doesn't like the feeling when the pain starts fading afterwards?

I made an interesting observation, though. My method of entering the cold pool is quite different from what most visitors do. The majority of people definitely seems to prefer the short, sharp shock tactic. Which means entering the pool as quickly as possible, swimming for a short time only and then getting out again almost as fast as one got into the pool. That's not for me. I literally enter the pool step by step. Every time I walk in a bit deeper, the coolness takes my breath away for a moment. I wait until my body has acclimatized to the new level, and then I take it one step further. If I tried to run into the water as others do, I would be gasping for breath for quite a while and feel like I might suffocate. So, I take it slowly. But once I have entered the pool, I stay in there for much longer than most of the others do and I enjoy the feeling of swimming in the cold water. Afterwards,  I leave the pool relaxed and happy.

Now, why do I tell you this? Well, it struck me that what I described is a common pattern for me. I was never good at any sports discipline that requires a short intense explosion of power. I am much better with the things that require less explosiveness but a longer endurance. And: I am not into short, sharp shock spankings, either. Especially with severe spankings the chance that my body freaks out and that I am not very happy and relaxed afterwards is rather high. On the other hand, I don't mind to bend over again and again for sets of severe strokes, as long as the breaks are long enough to give my body a chance to adapt to the situation and to prevent it from freaking out. I know that for several fellow spankos, it is exactly the other way round. Severe short, sharp shock spankings are okay for them, but having to adopt the position again for a second round after a break is what they find horrible.

I am not sure whether this only has to do with different body conditions or whether it is a mental thing as well. I wonder, though, whether those among us who prefer the short, sharp shock tactics when it comes to spanking are the ones who also jump into the cold pool as quickly as possible and the ones who prefer to run short distances? And are those who go for slow spankings with breaks the ones who, like me, take their time when entering cold water and prefer to walk longer distances? I am curious to hear about your observations!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Jason the School Decorator

A while ago, I introduced you to the first-ever severe caning clip with a female bottom that I found on Spanking Tube and liked. I already mentioned then that there was another clip (apart from Ludwig's clips which led me to this blog and are responsible for me finding my mate) which was a kind of revelation for me.

It is an amateur M/M spanking clip, produced by Jason King and his friends. Now, one could certainly find several reasons why said clip isn't perfect. For example, there is only one static camera perspective, the top isn't fully visible, and Jason's clothes could have been arranged better for the caning in order to present the target more fully.

But I love the clip for several reasons. First of all, it definitely is a labour of love made by real amateur spanking enthusiasts. Secondly, while it is not perfect, the clip has a good quality overall, a creative storyline, actors who appear quite natural, a handsome bottom and a solid caning. For me, the clip generates the feeling of watching a light-hearted scene between fellow kinksters with a serious storyline, but a not-so-serious atmosphere between the participants.

Jason the School Decorator was the first M/M clip that touched my heart and made me realise that clips which fit to that rather unusual core fetish of mine really exist. That's why I am very thankful to Jason and his friends and why this little clip will always have a special place in my memories. And here it is:

I have to admit that I am not always keen on the amateur clips at Spanking Tube because of the often bad quality, heads which are cut off for anonymity reasons and missing storylines. Well made amateur clips, on the other hand, can have a certain charm that many professional clips haven't got. How about you: amateur or professional spanking clips – which do you prefer?

Friday, October 12, 2012

Real Life

I arrived at my destination after a smooth journey by train filled with lots of naughty thoughts. Ludwig already awaited me at the station. After a tight hug and a kiss, he gave me a playful swat on the bottom right in the middle of the platform, not caring about the people around us. "It was very careless of you to work so much without giving yourself a break", Ludwig whispered into my ear, "we are going to talk about this later, young lady!" The promising sternness in his voice made me tingle with anticipation.

When we arrived at Ludwig's place it wasn't long after we had put away my bags that I found myself over Ludwig's lap, my pants and panties lowered to my knees, for a lesson about a healthy work-life-balance. Ludwig's hands did a proper job and my bottom was bright red when the lecture was over. "If you want me to keep a better work-life-balance, you could help me with some relaxation", I teased. And that is exactly what Ludwig did after having tied me to the bed. Afterwards I slept like a baby.

The next days saw me tied to a post up in the attic and whipped with a single tail, bent over a desk for six of the best with a cane and spanked in the kitchen with a wooden spoon in a rather spontaneous scene. And we went into the woods where I was first tied to a tree and then made to kneel on a stump, blindfolded and in my lingerie only. Lea asked in her comment whether we would share the second part of the story, too. Well, I wouldn't mind sharing the part with the switching, but I am too shy to share the rest (especially not any pictures).

The morning of the day I had to leave, Ludwig made sure that I wouldn't forget about his initial lecture any time soon. This time the hairbrush spoke as well. And so I went off on my journey back home with a sore bottom and lots of kinky memories and naughty thoughts which are going to carry me through the days until the two of us will be reunited once again.

Envious, anyone? Or maybe thinking that all those adventurous kinky bloggers seem to have so much more fun than you? Well, I guess a real spanking enthusiast could be jealous – if anything of what I have written above were true. It isn't, though. But sometimes, when I read other people's blogs, I feel like their lives must be like that. When I wrote the story above, though, I almost felt compelled to finish it with: "And they lived happily ever after." Because to me, it sounds much more like a fairy tale than the story of a real relationship between real people.

Of course kinky bloggers usually share the fascinating kinky stuff only on their blogs. Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast is a blog about erotic CP and not about boring vanilla topics like the heaps of dirty laundry that require my attention or Ludwig's visit to the dentist. And I think this is totally okay. I wouldn't want to write a blog about my everyday life. But I assume that writing about kinky adventures only (which Ludwig and I don't do, anyway, with all our philosophical ramblings and the like) comes with the risk of creating the impression with some readers that the lives of those who write kinky blogs are much more adventurous, glamorous and full of permanent creative sexual fulfilment than their own lives. I, at least, sometimes get that impression when I read kinky blogs.

So, I thought it would be nice to share the real story of my recent time with Ludwig with you, at least the short version. Safety warning: This could be very boring! But, anyway, here we go:

First of all, my journey wasn't really smooth. There was some problem with the railway track which meant lots of chaos and that I finally missed a connecting train and had to wait more than one hour for the next one. I called Ludwig on the phone to tell him that I would arrive about two hours late and to make sure that he wouldn't worry. I was quite proud of myself, though, because I remained quite relaxed despite of the delay. I sat down on a bench in the sun. But not to engage in any fantasies about the punishment of good-looking railway engineers who had found out to be responsible for the technical breakdown. No, I simply began to work. And working was what I also did during the trip.

When I arrived at my destination, I was very content with my work progress and happy to see Ludwig again after so many weeks. We hugged and kissed and Ludwig helped me with my luggage. A bit later, we had a yummy dinner. I was relieved that I finally had a chance to let go a little with Ludwig being around. But I wasn't really in the mood for any kinky play. I think we had a bit of "vanilla fun" that evening, but mostly it was just cuddling and relaxing. And then we slept for 12 hours, recharging our batteries.

The next days were filled with quite a lot of work (I had to meet a deadline and Ludwig kindly helped me with a few things), some refreshing walks, much sleep, family time, a visit to the famous Oktoberfest, an evening with friends, film-watching, good food, the occasional vanilla intimacy (spiced up with some kinky thoughts) and lots of pampering and cuddling. There was an occasional playful slap but neither of us brought up the idea of a real spanking, let alone an elaborate scene.

What I really longed to do, though, was shooting some sexy photos outside in the autumn sun. As we explained when we recently discussed our results of that fun BDSM test, Ludwig is much less of an exhibitionist than me. Which means that he doesn't like taking kinky pictures in public because he hates the idea of being caught by unsuspecting passers-by. I'm not keen on that idea, either, but I enjoy shooting erotic outdoor pictures so much that I am willing to take the risk.

Despite of his worries, Ludwig accompanied me, because he knew that taking photos would make me happy. He would have preferred going for a normal vanilla walk, though. We found two suitable places which were secluded enough to be acceptable for Ludwig, I stripped, we quickly shot a few pictures and I put my clothes back on again. And that was that. Fortunately, we were both happy with the resulting pictures and post. And so it was an overall good day for both of us.

On our last day together, I broke down, though. I had met my deadline but was quite exhausted, a certain date reminded me of my mum's much too early death, I felt scared about what awaits me next year and the thought of having to leave the next day became unbearable. So, I cried a lot that evening and the next morning as well. Ludwig held me and soothed me, but he was struggling with an upcoming cold and not really fit, either. That didn't leave much space for any naughty thoughts.

Ludwig accompanied me to the train station the next day and asked me whether he could really send me on my journey because I was very tearful again. I reassured him that the pain of having to part would soon start fading. So, I went on the train. I drew a little heart with my finger on the window, like Ludwig often does when he leaves, and we waved goodbye as the train departed. I managed to calm myself down and called Ludwig a short time later to tell him that I was okay and that he didn't have to be worried. And that was the end of our last time together. In fact, it didn't involve so much as one real slap.

But, honestly, while a part of me now wishes that I had been a bit fitter and had asked Ludwig for or otherwise encouraged him to at least one spanking, how we shared our time together is almost better in my view than the kinky fairy tale version. Because this is how, for me, a good couple supports each other in real life. And, even though our life seems to involve less spanking than the lives of some fellow kinksters, it isn't usually as spanking-free as it was the last time we met.

Even though I am still very busy right now and will be for the next two weeks (sorry in case I shouldn't manage to comment a lot on other blogs during that time), I have started practising my caning technique again. After all, Ludwig and I still have a bet to settle. And there is the promised blogiversary clip as well. So, I am quite confident that there will be more spanking action the next time Ludwig and I meet. And we will of course share our adventures with you here on the blog!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Bound in the Woods

She was waiting. Obediently, as she had been told. Not thinking. Just feeling the warm October sun caressing her bare skin. Watching the small white clouds in the blue sky, and the sun beams which flooded through the trees and bathed the leaves in a miracle light. Listening to the sound of the wind and the birds in the trees.

She didn't move when she was approached from behind and blindfolded. And she didn't put up a fight, when she was released from the tree, her hands were tied behind her back and she was gently but determinedly marched away. She felt the warm moss underneath her feet, small twigs, fallen leaves and little stones. At one point, she stepped on what must have been a fir cone and winced. Her attendant stopped for a moment, steadied her with one arm around her waist, picked up her foot with his other hand, studied and cleaned it, put it back to the ground and directed her forward again.

Suddenly they stopped. She was lifted up slightly, told to bend her knees and made to kneel on what felt like a wooden platform. The rough surface cut into her tender skin. But she didn't make a sound. She waited, almost holding her breath. There wasn't much sound around her. But she had the feeling that she was being watched attentively. She lowered her head and then stayed still, curious to know what would happen next.

She was soon to find out.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Do You Have an Inclination for BDSM?

A while ago, Bogey made a post about an online quiz titled Do you have an inclination for BDSM?. Of course, the general answer to that question is clear in my case, so no need to take the test. But the quiz does not only tell you whether you are kinky or not, it gives you a nice overview of your inclinations towards specific directions of kink. That's what I find very funny about the quiz, and so Ludwig and I decided to take the test as well. And here are our results, accompanied with some comments:

I scored as a switch. My complete results are:
Switch 86%:
Not really surprising for any reader of this blog, is it?
Masochist 82%:
That didn't surprise me, either. Masochist for me doesn't mean that I am into extreme pain or that I like any kind of pain. But in the context of spanking, the pain plays a crucial role for me. Without it, a scene isn't real.
Bondage 75%:
This is something I don't write about a lot, but something you might have realised from my picture posts. I love restraints almost as much as spanking. Being bound is extremely sexy to me and it gives me a feeling of great freedom.
Exhibitionist / Voyeur 61%:
Hmm, I write a blog about my sexual fantasies and I post pictures and videos. Who would have thought that I have an exhibitionistic streak? I think I am even more of an exhibitionist than a voyeur. Poor Ludwig has made his experiences with that, especially when I insist on taking kinky pictures outside or at public places.
Sadist 50%:
Yeah, scream for me, bitch! Oops. Ahem, yes, I guess I have an affectionate kinky sadistic streak.
Experimental 50%:
I assume I am less open for experiments than some of my fellow kinksters. But I would say I am more adventurous than the average person.
Dominant 43%:
Being a dachshund, I am a natural pack leader. Okay, just kidding. But I am indeed more dominant than submissive. For me, dominance doesn't mean controlling anyone's real life, though. It is just about control in an erotic context. And even then, the control doesn't have to be about denying my partner anything or making him do anything for me. What gives me the biggest kick is being the one who is in control during erotic play and making Ludwig melt by giving him pleasure (and the occasional spanking). Reactions of pleasure are as good for me as reactions of struggling during a spanking.
Degradation 36%:
I love degradation in one context only: Very explicitly sexual scenes with my mate. And even then, most things only happen in my head. Those things can be very hot, though.
Submissive 25%:
There's not much to say about this part. I have written about it several times. I am a bedroom submissive only. Which means I am only submissive in sexual play and even then only in a context in which I derive pleasure from a scene as well.
Vanilla 21%:
Hey, what do you mean with "pervert", huh? Missionary style sex can be very nice as well from time to time. And maybe one day, when Ludwig and I are in a really experimental mood, we might even switch the lights off and leave our socks on.


So much for my results. I am handing over to Ludwig, who scored as a switch as well.
Switch 93%:
As every long-time reader of this blog knows, I am a switch. Not an "even" 50 / 50 switch, because I play much more regularly as a top than as a bottom, but playing on the bottom side from time to time is very important to me.
Sadist 71%:
Sadism, not dominance, is the core of my kink. I enjoy inflicting pain much more than I enjoy being in control or forcing my will on someone.
Masochist 68%:
Seeing this category rate so highly is probably the biggest surprise of the test for me – according to the test at least, I am almost as much of a masochist as I am a sadist. Well, given that I usually go for pretty hard thrashings when I switch, there might be truth in this.
Experimental 61%:
I do enjoy trying things out, but I think the result is a little too high – I don't consider myself more inclined towards experimentation than Kaelah. I think I am more curious about watching new things than about trying out new things.
Exhibitionist / Voyeur 57%:
I'm a spanking video buff, which is a form of voyeurism. This category should probably be higher for me, but it isn't because voyeurism is lumped together with exhibitionism, and I am somewhat less of an exhibitionist. I think the two should be rated separately. They are quite different fetishes.
Dominant 46%:
As I wrote above, this is a less pronounced aspect of my "toppy-ness" than sadism. It is fun to be in charge every once in a while, though, in a dominant roleplay.
Bondage 46%:
I find bondage interesting enough, especially when restraints are used in combination with corporal punishment. But it is not one of my core kinks on its own.
Degradation 21%:
Thrashing someone and inflicting pain on them is, for me, a form of enoblement, not degradation. I dislike practices and scenarios that are strongly degrading, and prefer those where the spankee can maintain some dignity even under adverse circumstances.
Submissive 18%:
No, I guess I am not very submissive at all, even when I switch.
Vanilla 14%:
Well, I'm definitely more kinky than vanilla. Then again, it's not like I don't enjoy good old-fashioned vanilla sex at all. This should probably be a little higher.

We are curious to hear about your results. Do you have an inclination for BDSM? And if not, what the heck are you doing here?