Sunday, August 4, 2019

Kaelah's Corner (Jul 2019):
Consensual Non-Consent in Space


As the long-time readers among you know, I am a huge trekkie and grew up with Star Trek – The Next Generation, a series that always put a smile on my face. Now, approximately 30 years later, the old familiar feeling of joy is back – every time I watch The Orville. For those of you who aren't as geeky as I am, The Orville is a series created by Seth MacFarlane who is a huge trekkie himself. Thus, The Orville is an homage to Star Trek, but with more realistic dialogue and its own very special kind of humour.

As always, we are a bit behind the schedule here in Germany, because the episodes are shown as synchronised versions on German television. So it was only a few weeks ago that I watched the second episode of season two, called "Primal Urges".

It's an episode which, among other things, discusses the topic of porn addiction. And since the plot is set in the 25th century, we are not talking about watching videos, but about living out erotic fantasies on a holodeck. Lieutenant Commander Bortus, the second officer aboard the USS Orville, and his mate Klyden are struggling with serious problems in their relationship, and Bortus finds mental escape in the fantasy world of the holodeck.

What I love about The Orville is that they often manage to combine serious topics and difficult ethical questions with humorous scenes, making both work side by side. Plus, while most of the time things turn out to be fine at the end, which I love, they don't always give simple answers to the problems described. And they don't mind going a bit further with what they show than Star Trek ever would.

So, the erotic holodeck-scenes in "Primal Urges" are quite graphic (at least for the average American taste, I suppose, and for a mainstream television series). And since most Moclans are male and live in male-male-relationships, all the scenes contain guys only. Plus, they include kink! MM kink! Which, as the more avid readers among you know, is exactly my cup of tea.

Now, the problem is, that kink often isn't depicted very positively on mainstream television. It's either shown as something dark and bad or it is ridiculed. A plot about porn addiction in a series that has become famous for its unique humour holds the risk of both. But, to my surprise and delight, I found that neither turned out to be true. Of course porn addiction is depicted as being destructive, and rightfully so. And of course, the erotic scenes can't be taken too seriously. But, as a kinky person, I didn't have the feeling that this special erotic preference is depicted as being dangerous, sick, not even more odd than other sexual variations.

The most BDSMy scene that is shown is a dungeon scenario, with Bortus as the prisoner and a holographic warden as his counterpart. Now, as you might know, I don't care all that much about non-consensual dark scenarios, but the way it is depicted I have to admit that I loved it. I am going to describe the scene for you (I've looked up the English original conversation):

The scene begins with Bortus entering the holodeck and starting the simulation. The room turns into a medivial prison cell (with torches and all that). There are shackles hanging from the walls, but Bortus doesn't make use of them, he just crouches down in front of the wall vis-à-vis the cell door. The door is unlocked from outside and a warden steps in, carrying a battle axe and a plate with food. Warden: "Your supper, prisoner." He throws the plate at Bortus' feet. Bortus looks up at him: "Please, Sir, may I have some water?" Warden: "Very well." He turns around, leaves and comes back with a wooden bucket filled with water. He takes some of it out with a scoop and holds the scoop close to Bortus. But when Bortus wants to take it, the warden suddenly pulls the scoop back, takes a mouthful of water himself and spits it at Bortus, laughing. Bortus: "I beg you to release me from this dungeon. I have done nothing wrong." Warden: "What is your name, prisoner?" Bortus: "Cheston, my name is Cheston." Warden: "How badly do you want to get out of this prison, Cheston?" Bortus: "Very badly. I am to be executed in the morning." Warden: "Perhaps we can make an arrangement." He starts taking off his suit of armour. But Bortus objects: "No, I can not. I am a virgin in that way." The warden starts turning around angrily: "Then you shall die in the morning, Cheston!" He starts to leave. Quickly Bortus stands up and cries out: "Wait!" The warden turns around again. Bortus: "If there is no other way, then I suppose I must do what you ask of me." He takes a step forward closer to the warden and adds: "And more." The warden puts down the bucket, takes off a belt of his armour and walks towards Bortus. Here the scenes ends and the rest is left to our imagination.

Is this scene and the dialogue clichéd? Oh yes, definitely! In my opinion it's a hilarious parody and can't be taken all too seriously. However, to me it seems like a parody not from someone who looks at kink from the outside. To me it feels like an homage created by someone who understands and appreciates the power dynamic many kinksters seek. And even though it can't be taken too seriously, I have to admit that I find the scene quite erotic in its own way. I also love the wording and intonation. I might be wrong, but isn't the language a bit like what some kinksters might use for traditional upper class school or historical scenarios?

What impressed me the most, though, is how well the topic of consensual non-consent is covered here, in a way that makes the scene attractive even for me. First of all, how more topping from the bottom can one have? It is Bortus' holodeck program we watch, and the warden is just a holodeck figure, doing what Bortus has programmed him to do. Secondly, it is Bortus who in a way initiates the whole scene by asking to be released and by finally agreeing to give the warden his reward for helping him. The greatest part of the dialogue, though, is the very end in my opinion. When Bortus not only agrees to do what the warden wants him to, but on his own initiative adds that he must do even more.

So, my conclusion: My currently most loved TV series showed an episode which contained kink. And instead of spoiling it, they managed to depict kink in a funny way and even push some of my buttons as a kinkster. Sometimes watching television can make for a wonderful close of the day!

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Kaelah's Corner (Jun 2019):
A Birthday Spanking


I think this is the first post that contains a picture from a spanking (or, rather, showing the results of a spanking) in a long time! The reason for my spanking was simple – it was my birthday. Nonetheless, the spanking came to me as a surprise. Because until then my birthday had been a very normal day. No special celebration (we did that on a later day), just the normal time schedule and duties.

But in the evening, when the kids were in bed, Ludwig suddenly surprised me with the announcement that I still had a birthday spanking to come. "Wait a moment, why do YOU get a birthday present when it's MY birthday?" I asked. "Since I am a switch, I could give you a birthday spanking on my birthday like most tops do, couldn't I?" Of course, Ludwig thought I couldn't, and my protest had been only half-hearted, anyway.

So my pants came down and I got over Ludwig's knee. I realised that I'm really getting old, because it becomes more and more important to me (and it is harder and harder to make it possible) to find a comfortable position during a spanking. It's enough to have my bottom hurting, I don't need my hands and my back to hurt as well!

Ludwig started with moderate slaps. After all, I am so old now (and he, too) that he needed to save some power and energy for a crescendo at the end of what was about to become a long birthday spanking! But Ludwig insisted that I should count out aloud, otherwise he wasn't willing to take the strokes into account for the final tally. So I did.

"Hey, that's still lots of fun!" Ludwig exclaimed. I, already aching under the strokes which were by now getting harder, replied: "Well, at least one of us is having fun!" - "I suppose my hand will hurt by the end, though." Ludwig mused. For some reason I didn't manage to feel sorry for him.

Ludwig had a good pace for the spanking, giving me enough time to catch my breath in between the strokes. Which was nice, since I struggled with the pain. But I managed to count all strokes aloud and after a crescendo we finally hit the end. Well, almost. Because I couldn't resist asking: "And what about one to grow?" Of course Ludwig didn't want me to miss out on that one. And since chances of me growing are rather low given my age (instead I'm already shrinking), he gave me not one, but two additional strokes.

After I had been allowed to stand up again, I immediately touched my bottom and asked Ludwig whether the marks were quite visible. He told me that my bottom was very red indeed und so we spontaneously decided to take a few pictures. We did not invest as much time on that as we used to when we were still without kids and not so tired in the evening. But we have enough experience by now with finding positions and angles which we like. And so here it is, the picture from my birthday spanking - for you to enjoy! It's quite obvious from the marks that Ludwig is right-handed, right?

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Kaelah's Corner (May 2019):
Saying It Aloud

Again, it has been quite some time since my last post. The reason is that we were not only very busy, but there weren't really any kinky thoughts or events to write about. Until recently. So here is my slightly belated Kaelah's Corner post.

A few days ago, Ludwig and I visited a (non-kinky) party, where we met several old friends of mine. One of them was accompanied by his new girlfriend, a teacher. They were flirting and joking, which was lovely to watch.

When my old friend was teasing her, his girlfriend all of a sudden turned on her serious teacher voice and said: "Be careful, I can be strict, too, you know." My friend looked at her and replied: "Oh, sorry, I'm not so much into that kind of harder stuff." He turned his head to me and asked jokingly: "But maybe that would be something for you, huh?" Before I could answer, Ludwig replied: "Of course. Why do you think she married me?" Everyone at the table had a good laugh.

On our way home, it occurred to me that I might indeed have told that particular friend of mine about my kink years ago. I'm not sure, though. But at least two other friends who were sitting at our table, too, know about it.

The great thing is that neither Ludwig nor I care about that question nowadays. Those who do know about out special preferences can deal with it, and for the others Ludwig's comment was just good fun. Ludwig and I both like making jokes like that, enjoying the knowledge that there is more behind a comment than others might imagine.

How about you? Do you like joking about kink in vanilla environments? Or do you prefer avoiding the topic? I'd love to hear about your thoughts in the comment section!

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2019):
Never Too Old to Dream

This is the second and final part of my mini-series about the second half of our lives. You can read the first part here.

Some weeks ago, I spent several evenings watching the German version of "The Voice Senior" a show for talented singers aged 60 and older. Not only was the music closer to my heart than most of the stuff which is popular today (they had many songs featuring e-guitars, not only Rock and Hard Rock, but even Metal), the stories of the participants also touched me. After having seen lots of very young talents in other shows, it was great to see people perform who already had experienced a lot in their lives.

Some had already been professional singers / songwriters all their lives, others had always had the dream but had never had the chance to make it come true, due to war, family obligations and all the stuff life brings. All of them saw the show as a chance to once (or once again) perform on a big stage and live their dream. It was great to watch all the enthusiasm and also how people who were formally competitors had fun together and enjoyed not only making their dream become real but also watching others doing the same.

When I thought about it, it came to me that I've seen lots of positive examples like this in the kinky community, too. I've always enjoyed chatting with and meeting like-minded people from all around the world and I have to admit I was especially inspired from older fellow kinksters who had more life experience than me and still followed their dreams, maybe only in a more relaxed way than many youngsters do.

The most important one was our over 90-year-old friend Peter, the ancient mariner, whom we met several times in England and with whom I exchanged many e-mails not only about kink, but also about life, death, religion / atheism and other heavy subjects. And still our conversation was lighthearted and of course very inspiring. Ludwig wrote a wonderful post about Peter in 2010 titled The Old Man and the Sea.

Sadly, a while ago we suddenly didn't manage to contact Peter anymore. Given his age, we must assume that he has passed away. That makes me very sad. What gives me comfort is the knowledge that he had had a wonderful marriage, a great family and that he even managed to live out his kinky fantasies. He was one of those who didn't get that chance when he was young, but when the opportunity occurred as Peter already was an older man, he took it and tried out the things he had always dreamed about. Not only did he find trustworthy playmates that way, but also new friends including Ludwig and me. And I am very grateful to have met Peter!

He isn't the only person of higher age whom I've met through the kinky community, though. Several of our readers and commenters aren't in their thirties or forties anymore and when Ludwig and I visited the Spanking Court in 2015, we met several fellow kinksters in their seventies and eighties, too. With some of them I have been exchanging e-mails as well. Again we have talked not only about kink but about family life and other stuff, too.

Sometimes I am scared of getting older (mainly because I am afraid of having to live with health problems that can't be fixed anymore), but talking to older people who still embrace life and follow their dreams inspires me and gives me hope. I don't know how important kink will be for me when I (hopefully) reach the age of seventy, eighty or maybe even ninety, but the inspiration I get from fellow kinksters of that age goes far beyond kink. What they do reminds me that as long as we live we are never too old to dream and never too old to follow our dreams. However my dreams will look like then, I hope that I will still have the power and energy to pursue them and to try new things when the opportunity occurs.

How about you? Have others in the kinky community inspired you in a way that goes beyond kink, too? Maybe fellow kinksters of a very different age, heritage or background? I would love to hear your stories in the comment section!

Thursday, February 28, 2019

Kaelah's Corner (Feb 2019):
Midlife Crisis or Midlife Serenity

Unfortunately, I didn't manage to write a post last month. The reason is that I had a slightly bigger and more complicated topic on my mind, which took me a while to sort out and write down. So here it finally is, the first of a mini-series of two posts about a topic that occupies my thoughts a lot in the recent months: the second half of our lives. I am currently on the verge of that part of my life, at least if I am lucky. If I only become as old as my parents, then around 60 per cent or even 70 per cent of my life are already over.

But my age isn't the only reason why I think a lot about that issue. The second reason is that I have indeed already ticked off all the big points I always wanted to experience in my life. Except maybe for one, and that is having grandchildren. But that isn't in my hands, so I don't see it as something that belongs on my to-do-list. While having ticked off all the big points one wanted to achieve in life might sound a bit melodramatic, that's not how it feels and how I mean it. Actually, it just means that I didn't have too many unrealistic dreams and that I am indeed a very lucky person.

What is it that was on my list? Well, professionally it was going to university, getting a PhD degree, finding a demanding job with colleagues I like and which allows me to develop not only more professional expertise but also as a person. By now, I've achieved all of that. Of course, I could push my career a lot further, for instance work towards a job in the upper management. But since Ludwig and I don't need much money for our daily life, I sincerely ask myself whether having more creative influence (which is what makes a management job appealing in my view) is worth the extra time one has to invest in such a position. Right now with the kids, for me it isn't worth it, and I've decided that I'll take a closer look at my professional life again in a few years. Maybe I will even do something completely different in ten years, but for now I am where I always wanted to be, and I am content.

As a family person, my dreams were to fall in love at least once, maybe even marry (for quite some time I didn't really believe in that, given that I suffer from fear of commitment) and to give birth. That has now become real as well, and I am in for a very crazy, busy and exciting time.

Finally, I wanted to experience friendship, travel the world and maybe do something crazy most people don't do. Well, Ludwig is not only my husband, but my closest friend as well, and I've got a few more very close people plus a bunch of friends with whom I haven't got such an extremely intimate relationship but with whom I enjoy sharing time nonetheless. I've already traveled a lot as a child with my parents, mostly around Germany. With Ludwig, I've traveled a lot before we became parents. Among our journeys was one from Moscow to Vladivostok with the Trans-Siberian Railway and a trip once around the world with several stops by plane. Things many people always dream of, but never do. And as for doing something crazy most people won't do – well, I think meeting one's future husband through a kinky blog, writing a kinky blog, making and publishing kinky videos, some as amateur film-makers and some with professional producers, and visiting kinky events in different countries counts as that!

So here I am, having arrived in the middle of my life and already having achieved all the things I wanted to do before I die. I think this is the time when many people develop a midlife crisis. But I have to say that's not how I feel. I am definitely not in a crisis. Quite the contrary, to me it feels more like midlife serenity. I've achieved the things I always dreamed about. Some I worked very hard for, some I was just really lucky to get. And that makes me feel calm and happy. If I died today, I could look back at my life and say that I was a very lucky person indeed and that everything is okay.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't at all want to die! I want to see my children grow up. There are many countries I would still like to travel to. I want to meet new people and I want to try new things. But I am calmer now and don't have the feeling anymore that I constantly have to prove things to myself and others (I think you can see that in my kink, too). Instead, I have the feeling that the upcoming years will allow me to step back a bit and take the time to look at my life and decide what kinds of things I would like to do with the second half of it. Without the stress of asking myself things like: Will I ever have the family I am dreaming of? Will I find a good job that pays my bills and which I like? Will I ever feel sexy and womanly and try out all those fantasies that are on my mind?

I have to admit that I am scared of getting older. That's because of the health problems that become more evident with advanced age. But apart from that I feel more free now that I have reached the middle of my life than I did at the age of twenty. Of course I sometimes miss the feeling of having everything lying ahead of me, for instance when I see groups of young people on the bus or look at old pictures from school. The thrill of becoming an adult and starting an independent life with one million plus one opportunities. But I don't miss all the fears that came with that, the stress and the panic attacks.

There is another aspect that has changed in my life. I think that one came especially with the experience of my parents' death and the fact that I had to take care of their estate. I used to keep many things because, you know, one might need them one day. But in the last few years, slowly but surely, I've become much better at giving stuff away. It's especially hard with things which I got from my parents, but even that works now. And I have the feeling that cleaning up not only our basement but with it my life as well makes me feel lighter and free. So this is something I want to continue working on in the next years as well. I never was a person for decoration and rooms full of closets and stuff. But today I want even less stuff in my life and more air to breathe freely than I did before.

So, I am looking forward to the next half of my life. As for kink, I don't know what time will bring in that regard. I've read Pandora/Blake's post about their pregnancy (congratulations!), and in their case being pregnant seemingly doesn't have any negative impact on their sex drive so far. It was different with me, and it still is now that I am stressed out with two little ones and still breast-feeding and full of „mummy hormones“. Sometimes my low sex drive scares me a bit (most of the time I don't even have kinky fantasies nowadays), but I am more relaxed about it than I would have been a few years ago.

My Mum always used to say there is a time for everything, and right now obviously it is not the time for kinky adventures. My only concern is the negative impact this might have on Ludwig. Right now, he is okay with the situation, though, being rather stressed out himself. And that my sex and kink drive is low right now doesn't mean there can't be new kinky adventures one day in the future!

I've met quite a few fellow kinksters of higher age who proved to me that getting older doesn't mean one can't live one's (kinky) dreams anymore. And that is what my second post will be all about! For now I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic of getting older and what it means for life in general and of course for sex and kink, too!

Friday, January 25, 2019

Eleventh Blogiversary

I started this blog on the 25th of January 2008. That was eleven years ago, and it actually feels more like twenty-one or thirty-one years ago to me. My life was very, very different back then compared to today. I was single, I was fairly new to the BDSM scene, and BDSM played a much more important role in my life at the time (which is why I started blogging about it). And when I started the blog, I could never, ever have imagined that I would meet my future wife because of it and that we would have two children a decade later.

So, anyway, today is my eleventh blogiversary. On the one hand, it is a cause for celebration, because very few blogs last that long - even in a semi-active state. On the other hand, I am saddened by the fact that I didn't have time to return to blogging or edit any of our spanking videos in 2018, either. I keep having to postpone it, then another year begins, and I write another blogiversary post where I explain how busy I have been... I'm starting to feel like a broken record.

What makes me feel a little better about the blog is that, by now, Kaelah has revealed to you that we've become the parents of two adorable children in the last couple of years. Truth be told, I was hesitant about letting you, the readers, in on this fact, because I am a very private person and I don't like sharing private information that isn't directly related to kink. This is, after all, an erotic blog about adult consensual CP. It isn't a diary, and it isn't about the other aspects of my life or of my personality. However, now that you know Kaelah and I are parents, you are able to understand why we have been so busy. I don't have to make obscure references to "real life duties" and "we've had many things to take care of". Instead, I can just tell you openly what is going on. And hopefully, you can now appreciate much better why the blog hasn't exactly been a beehive of activity lately.

In January last year, I was genuinely optimistic that this would be the year when I can return to blogging, finally edit and publish those old spanking videos Kaelah and I filmed, and wrap everything up. Kaelah and I had married by that point, we had moved in together, we had even begun to settle into our new role as parents and become accustomed to our routines in that area - okay, I thought, maybe I can even get back to blogging this year. But it was not to be. Before long, we were once again swamped with work. Among other things, as Kaelah already mentioned to you, there was a death in the family, and taking care of all the business that has to be done in the aftermath literally kept us busy for months. That, plus my usual job, plus the two children... There were quite a few nights last summer when I only slept for three or four hours.

Fortunately, that year is behind us now, and things have begun to quiet down a little. Actually, life with two active little toddlers is never really quiet, but it's not as hellishly hectic any more as it was a couple of months ago. So, we will see. I am once again optimistic that this is going to be the year when Ludwig makes a proper return. But I am also cautious, and reluctant to make promises I can't keep.

What I can promise you is that, someday, you will get to read the final series of posts I have been talking about - I still have to wrap up a few things here -  and I will edit the videos Kaelah and I have filmed so you can finally see them. I don't know when that will be, exactly, but it is definitely going to happen, and this blog is not closing down before it happens. It isn't closing down, either, until Kaelah and I have filmed and published one last F/M caning video we are planning (I am not looking forward to the filming of it at all, but getting to see it and publish it should be nice!).

With that, I wish all of you a happy and healthy 2019. Thank you for sticking with us even during the times when the blog isn't very active. Kaelah and I will do our best to make it worth your wait, hopefully this year.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Kaelah's Corner (Dec 2018):
Happy New Year

I hope you all had a wonderful start into the new year. Ludwig and I wish you all the best for 2019, especially lots of time with loved ones and good health! We had a wonderful, relaxed start of the year.

With 2018, a turbulent year for us has come to an end. Family life with two little kids, grieving for a loved one, many private and professional obligations and almost no time for kink. Despite the negatives, it has been a year I am thankful for.

For many people, this is the time for New Year's resolutions. But not for me. My only plan is to take good care of myself and my family and to get rid of even more things which just occupy space and / or time but really aren't of any use for me (I think this is something one really learns when having to deal with the estate of loved ones). This is a goal for the rest of my life, though, nothing I'd like to achieve within a certain time period this year. Other than that I will just see what the year brings and try to make the best of it.

The last five days before New Year's eve, I've managed to practise yoga every evening, and it made me feel both physically stronger and more relaxed. I don't plan to practise daily in the future, but due to the health problems caused by giving birth and handling two little ones, a little bit of sports (core training) about two or three times a week would be great. After all, I am not getting any younger, either! ;-)

As for kink and sex life, I suppose that will play only a minor role in 2019, too. That's okay with me, though. The good thing is, the core training and especially strengthening my pelvic floor again has made my sexual mojo come back at least a little bit. For a while, it had been completely gone, and I didn't have any sexual / kinky thoughts AT ALL, which was strange and a bit frightening because I had never experienced that (in such an extreme way ) before. Maybe I'll write a post about that, too. I just hope this blog won't completely turn into a sex counseling site for elders, though! ;-) Well, let's face it, I've got that in my own hand. We'll see what 2019 brings!

For now, I wish you lots of naughtiness and kinky fun in the new year and hope that this blog will add a few ideas and fantasies to that! How about you? Do you already have (kinky) plans and resolutions? Or are you just curiously awaiting what the new year has in store for you?