Morgen, ja morgen,
fang i a neues Leben an.
Und wenn net morgen,
oder zumindest irgendwann,
fang i wieder a neues Leben an.
Tomorrow, yes tomorrow,
I will start a new life.
If not tomorrow
then the day after tomorrow
or at least one day
I will start a new life again.
This is a snippet from a very touching song of the Austrian band EAV about an alcohol addict. Of course, he never starts this new life he dreams about. But I think the lyrics do not just apply to what many addicts do. In my opinion many people live, or more precisely, spend their lives like that.
Of course there are many reasons for delaying major changes. One reason that is often mentioned are the risks that go along with changing one's life. Life is full of risks. One can lose anything and anyone, any time. There are no guarantees.
Except for one, and that is the fact that we all have to die. Sooner or later. Sometimes sooner than we hope for. I don't believe in an afterlife, so for me the end of my life on Earth will be the end of my existence.
After my mum's early death, these are things I have become very aware of. They accompany me every day. The have taken away the naive trust that everything will always be okay in the end. But they have made me see my life and the risks that I take in a new light as well.
Quitting one's job to do something one really wants to do is risky. Taking a plane to see other parts of the world isn't 100 percent safe, either. Writing a comment on a kinky blog and coming out to the kinky community can cost quite an effort. Sharing one's spanking fantasies with someone whom one has met online can be risky as well. Trying out one's fantasies for real holds the risk of disappointment. Giving someone one's love and trust might end in betrayal. Building a love relationship is a tricky task. Posting about one's fantasies online and even showing one's face definitely involves a risk of being outed one day.
But how big are all these risks in the light of mortality? How much is lost by not living out one's dreams, and how rewarding can it be to give it a try?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those persons who only live in the here and now and don't give a damn about the future. I try to do my best to make sure that my future is as safe and well-planned as possible. But maybe the financial markets will crash completely in the next years and I will lose all my financial securities. Maybe there will be violent clashes. Maybe I will become ill. Then at least I want to have lived my life and my dreams as well as I could without having permanently worried about what the future might bring.
Again, I'm not one of those “You have to try out everything in your life at least once!” people. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked even one single cigarette. I have never taken any drugs. And I miss none of these experiences.
But I would miss the things which I have learned in my professional life. I would miss having seen a bit of this beautiful planet and having been to certain events like concerts of my favourite bands. I would miss this blog. I would miss my kinky life. I would miss the experience of suddenly feeling womanly and sexy. And above all I would miss Ludwig and the experience of our relationship and love.
I'm lucky in that I had a wonderful childhood. I'm lucky in that many of my choices as an adult turned out to be good. But even the ones that didn't work out as planned had at least some positive outcome, in one way or another.
I'm not a fan of blindly taking risks. But like someone told me recently: If you have trust, you can do almost anything that is important to you and it will work out. I might not have that naive trust any more, but I have learned to trust in myself and in the fact that if one way proves to be a dead end, there is usually another path that makes it possible to go on.
I'm glad that my gut feeling told me to take a few risks. I can't say that I would be able to die happily now, without the feeling of having missed out on some important things. For example, I haven't had the chance to raise a family, yet. But I will, if I am lucky enough to have some more time. For now, I'm very happy that I've already done a lot things which were important to me.
I'm also very glad about the friends I have, kinky and vanilla. Friends who like me the way I am. Friends who invite me to share time with them. Friends who organize Halloween Parties and find it cool when I turn up in fetish outfits (photos to come soon). Sharing time with beloved people is a great way to spend one's precious time! (Whereas spending time with people one doesn't like is a great way of wasting it.)
I hope you all have some wonderful friends to share Halloween (or Reformation Day, in case you are celebrating that) with. And I hope you have taken at least a few risks in your life that proved to be worth it. If not, today is your chance! Remember, tomorrow might be too late. Happy Halloween, everyone!