Monday, October 31, 2011

Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2011):

Morgen, ja morgen,
fang i a neues Leben an.
Und wenn net morgen,
dann übermorgen,
oder zumindest irgendwann,
fang i wieder a neues Leben an.

Tomorrow, yes tomorrow,
I will start a new life.
If not tomorrow
then the day after tomorrow
or at least one day
I will start a new life again.

This is a snippet from a very touching song of the Austrian band EAV about an alcohol addict. Of course, he never starts this new life he dreams about. But I think the lyrics do not just apply to what many addicts do. In my opinion many people live, or more precisely, spend their lives like that.

Of course there are many reasons for delaying major changes. One reason that is often mentioned are the risks that go along with changing one's life. Life is full of risks. One can lose anything and anyone, any time. There are no guarantees.

Except for one, and that is the fact that we all have to die. Sooner or later. Sometimes sooner than we hope for. I don't believe in an afterlife, so for me the end of my life on Earth will be the end of my existence.

After my mum's early death, these are things I have become very aware of. They accompany me every day. The have taken away the naive trust that everything will always be okay in the end. But they have made me see my life and the risks that I take in a new light as well.

Quitting one's job to do something one really wants to do is risky. Taking a plane to see other parts of the world isn't 100 percent safe, either. Writing a comment on a kinky blog and coming out to the kinky community can cost quite an effort. Sharing one's spanking fantasies with someone whom one has met online can be risky as well. Trying out one's fantasies for real holds the risk of disappointment. Giving someone one's love and trust might end in betrayal. Building a love relationship is a tricky task. Posting about one's fantasies online and even showing one's face definitely involves a risk of being outed one day.

But how big are all these risks in the light of mortality? How much is lost by not living out one's dreams, and how rewarding can it be to give it a try?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those persons who only live in the here and now and don't give a damn about the future. I try to do my best to make sure that my future is as safe and well-planned as possible. But maybe the financial markets will crash completely in the next years and I will lose all my financial securities. Maybe there will be violent clashes. Maybe I will become ill. Then at least I want to have lived my life and my dreams as well as I could without having permanently worried about what the future might bring.

Again, I'm not one of those “You have to try out everything in your life at least once!” people. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked even one single cigarette. I have never taken any drugs. And I miss none of these experiences.

But I would miss the things which I have learned in my professional life. I would miss having seen a bit of this beautiful planet and having been to certain events like concerts of my favourite bands. I would miss this blog. I would miss my kinky life. I would miss the experience of suddenly feeling womanly and sexy. And above all I would miss Ludwig and the experience of our relationship and love.

I'm lucky in that I had a wonderful childhood. I'm lucky in that many of my choices as an adult turned out to be good. But even the ones that didn't work out as planned had at least some positive outcome, in one way or another.

I'm not a fan of blindly taking risks. But like someone told me recently: If you have trust, you can do almost anything that is important to you and it will work out. I might not have that naive trust any more, but I have learned to trust in myself and in the fact that if one way proves to be a dead end, there is usually another path that makes it possible to go on.

I'm glad that my gut feeling told me to take a few risks. I can't say that I would be able to die happily now, without the feeling of having missed out on some important things. For example, I haven't had the chance to raise a family, yet. But I will, if I am lucky enough to have some more time. For now, I'm very happy that I've already done a lot things which were important to me.

I'm also very glad about the friends I have, kinky and vanilla. Friends who like me the way I am. Friends who invite me to share time with them. Friends who organize Halloween Parties and find it cool when I turn up in fetish outfits (photos to come soon). Sharing time with beloved people is a great way to spend one's precious time! (Whereas spending time with people one doesn't like is a great way of wasting it.)

I hope you all have some wonderful friends to share Halloween (or Reformation Day, in case you are celebrating that) with. And I hope you have taken at least a few risks in your life that proved to be worth it. If not, today is your chance! Remember, tomorrow might be too late. Happy Halloween, everyone!


Ursus Lewis said...

I fully agree with you. Taking risk can inspire life, it's risky yes but changes always are opportunities too.

I'm still glad I realized my biggest dream and moved to New York. Financially I risked a lot, but I gained happiness and the whole kinky world opened up. I never wanted to miss what I explored in the Spanking Universe the last two years and I'm still not sure if I would come out to the scene back in Switzerland.

If I would not have moved over here, I probably still would hide my kinky side in a closet. Changes are opportunities, you trade in something to get back something else.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kaelah,

I'm a doctor who see people die at hospital everyday, so, yes, you are totally right, living ones dreams is what makes our life worth living.

And I'll say it again, living, not surviving...a complitely different thing.

Many people pass their lives without daring to be living somebody else life..the life others want them to live.

To finish just wanted to add that I envy Ludwig :D

Kind regards

Val said...

Outstanding insight, thanks, again.
Happy Halloween!


"I have never been drunk. I have never smoked even one single cigarette. I have never taken any drugs."

Well it's a good thing that one of your ambitions isn't to be in a Heavy Metal band.


! said...

This post came at a freakishly good timing - I might be back in Germany next summer and/or all of next year.

Happy Halloween, and I, myself, have learned, that taking risks is what makes life amazingly fun and fulfilling - as long as they are somewhat calculated risks; so that if plans fail, you can still recover and move on.

Kaelah said...

@ Ursus:
Isn't is fascinating how a decision in one field of life sometimes influences completely different fields as well?! I think this is great, especially if experiences in one field enable us to be more self-confident, more open-minded and / or simply more relaxed and happier in other fields or our lives in general.

@ Anonymous:
Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful comment! I agree with you about the difference between living and surviving. In my opinion many people are prisoners of their fears and of that mean little sentence which we are told so often: “But ONE doesn't do that!”

I think it is sad that death is a topic which is often pushed aside in our society. If people were more aware of their mortality, then maybe they would try to make more out of the time they have.

@ Val:
Thanks for your comment! I hope you had a great Halloween as well.

@ Prefectdt:
Luckily drinking, smoking and taking drugs aren't preconditions for listening to Heavy Metal music. Some of my favourite bands are Heavy Metal bands...

@ !:
Cool, that means we will most probably see each other again next year! :-) I hope you had a happy Halloween. And I absolutely agree with what you say re taking risks. “Calculated risks” is exactly the term I was looking for.

! said...

@ Kaelah,

You like heavy metal? That truly surprises me.

Kaelah said...

@ !:
Yes, I like heavy metal indeed! The three sample bands which you find in my profile are Blind Guardian (heavy metal), Schandmaul (German medieval folk rock) and Jethro Tull (progressive rock). I also like punk rock, Irish folk and other music styles, but heavy metal is definitive one of my favourites! I love the sound, and it helps me to relax, to let go of aggressions and to produce new energy.

! said...


Wow...Schandmaul is absolutely amazing. I just checked them out on youtube. It also helps me with my German skills =)

I really like some aspects of folk/rock type songs; but my music is pretty eclectic. Any other band suggestions? I am trying to expand my music collection.

Kaelah said...

@ !:
I'm glad to hear that you like Schandmaul! Hmm, what else could I recommend?

I'm not sure whether you've already taken a look at Blind Guardian. But if you like Schandmaul, you might also like some of their songs, at least the more melodic ones like "Curse my name", "A past and future secret" and "The bard's song". They are from Germany, but their lyrics are in English.

If you like punk rock as well and want to listen to some more music in German, I can recommend Die Ärzte (for example "Schrei nach Liebe" or "Lasse redn") and Die Toten Hosen ("Alles aus Liebe" or "Niemals einer Meinung").

I'm not really a fan of Subway To Sally and In Extremo myself because their lead singers' voices aren't 100 per cent my thing. I'm rather picky concerning singing voices... But maybe you like one of these as well. In Extremo's "Ai Vis Lo Lop" is one of my favourite songs.

John said...

Dear Kaelah

When I saw the title of this post (I'm a bit behind in my reading!) I thought you might be speaking of a different song of the same title - rather different in meaning and mood, but I hope it might have some resonance for your life - it certainly does for mine!

Und morgen wird die Sonne wieder scheinen
und auf dem Wege, den ich gehen werde,
wird uns, die Glücklichen sie wieder einen
inmitten dieser sonnenatmenden Erde…
und zu dem Strand, dem weiten, wogenblauen,
werden wir still und langsam niedersteigen,
stumm werden wir uns in die Augen schauen,
und auf uns sinkt des Glückes stummes Schweigen...

(John Henry Mackay, as set by Richard Strauss)

Kaelah said...

@ John:
I have to admit that I didn't know these verses (Ludwig is the classical music and literature buff in the family :-) ), but they are beautiful indeed! Thanks for sharing.