In my last Kaelah's Corner posts, I wrote about stretching my boundaries in the field of how much I show of myself on this blog. Today I would like to start another series of posts on a related topic, another field in which I have defined my limits new and gained so much from it that it can hardly be expressed accurately.
There has always been one form of kinky play about which I have read accounts with great interest, but always knew that it wouldn't be for me. What I am talking about are scenes without a safeword. Now, as Adele Haze once aptly explained on her now-defunct blog, strictly seen there is no such thing as kinky play without a safeword. Because as soon as one participant says something along the lines of "I herewith withdraw my consent. Everything that happens from now on is harassment," that means the scene has to stop immediately, no matter what was agreed upon beforehand.
But nonetheless many fellow kinksters have taken part in spankings or related kinky activities where no explicit safeword was agreed upon and where it even was the understanding of all participants that safewording was not expected to happen. For some this is the setting when it comes to real life discipline. Others also do play scenarios which are explicitly declared as having no safeword. For instance, Emma Jane wrote a report about such a scene here several years ago. Those scenes are usually very dark, designed to take the bottoms to their limits and beyond.
When I read about scenes like that, a part of me always asked why someone would put themselves up to anything like that, given that in real life there are enough dark and sad situations where we don't have much control, anyway. But I understood that there was a difference between those dark scenes and reality. First of all, the participants trusted the tops they played with to make sure that no real harm was caused. And from the description of the bottoms it became clear that they weren't really broken after the scene was over. Instead they seemed to be flying, getting stronger from having survived the experience. And they were caught by the tops who, as soon as the scene was over, pampered them and made sure they were okay.
That was the part that always somehow intrigued me. I knew that for me, setting myself up for such a dark scenario would do nothing good. I would simply be broken and not flying afterwards. And I have made too many experiences with panic attacks in real life situations where I only had limited control for experiences like that to have any appeal for me. Still, I always wondered whether there could be a scenario in which I would experience something similar and gain the same feeling of strength and happiness.
Today I know that this scenario really exists. I have been through it and it resembled nothing I had experienced in my life until then. It was of course different in some ways from what my fellow kinksters described in their play reports. But when I thought about it afterwards, it came to me in how many regards my experience resembled what I had read from others.
In my next posts I will write more about what happened. And I think you are going to understand what I am talking about. For now, I would like to ask you how you feel about kinky play “without a safeword” and about real-life events that require giving up control. Under which conditions would you be willing to set yourself up for either of them? Have you ever gained a lot by doing it? I would be very glad to read about your thoughts and experiences in the comment section!
There has always been one form of kinky play about which I have read accounts with great interest, but always knew that it wouldn't be for me. What I am talking about are scenes without a safeword. Now, as Adele Haze once aptly explained on her now-defunct blog, strictly seen there is no such thing as kinky play without a safeword. Because as soon as one participant says something along the lines of "I herewith withdraw my consent. Everything that happens from now on is harassment," that means the scene has to stop immediately, no matter what was agreed upon beforehand.
But nonetheless many fellow kinksters have taken part in spankings or related kinky activities where no explicit safeword was agreed upon and where it even was the understanding of all participants that safewording was not expected to happen. For some this is the setting when it comes to real life discipline. Others also do play scenarios which are explicitly declared as having no safeword. For instance, Emma Jane wrote a report about such a scene here several years ago. Those scenes are usually very dark, designed to take the bottoms to their limits and beyond.
When I read about scenes like that, a part of me always asked why someone would put themselves up to anything like that, given that in real life there are enough dark and sad situations where we don't have much control, anyway. But I understood that there was a difference between those dark scenes and reality. First of all, the participants trusted the tops they played with to make sure that no real harm was caused. And from the description of the bottoms it became clear that they weren't really broken after the scene was over. Instead they seemed to be flying, getting stronger from having survived the experience. And they were caught by the tops who, as soon as the scene was over, pampered them and made sure they were okay.
That was the part that always somehow intrigued me. I knew that for me, setting myself up for such a dark scenario would do nothing good. I would simply be broken and not flying afterwards. And I have made too many experiences with panic attacks in real life situations where I only had limited control for experiences like that to have any appeal for me. Still, I always wondered whether there could be a scenario in which I would experience something similar and gain the same feeling of strength and happiness.
Today I know that this scenario really exists. I have been through it and it resembled nothing I had experienced in my life until then. It was of course different in some ways from what my fellow kinksters described in their play reports. But when I thought about it afterwards, it came to me in how many regards my experience resembled what I had read from others.
In my next posts I will write more about what happened. And I think you are going to understand what I am talking about. For now, I would like to ask you how you feel about kinky play “without a safeword” and about real-life events that require giving up control. Under which conditions would you be willing to set yourself up for either of them? Have you ever gained a lot by doing it? I would be very glad to read about your thoughts and experiences in the comment section!
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7 comments:
I really enjoy reading your blogs because of your excellent English prose and the variety of topics and sub-topics. I particularly like your pictures and videos. But (you knew there was a butt coming), your kink is far more severe than mine. Which makes it difficult for me to respond to all of your posts. Please keep posting, I will keep reading.
Wow. Thank you for such a candid intro to this series of posts Kaelah.
It is really interesting to hear what you say.
I completely agree with you that playing in a scene which is explicitly defined as not having a safeword does take the dynamic to another level.
It involves a level of complete trust and surrender which makes it much more intimate, more real and allows both sides to play their roles more fully.
If you play with a safeword there is always the possibility that consent may be withdrawn at any time. It adds a conditionality and a legalistic element - as you said - to the experience which makes it "safer" but also less real and satisfying.
Setting up a specific scene where no safeword exists allows for the possibility of complete immersion. The top has full responsibility - and has to use that gift wisely. The bottom only needs to feel.
Looking forward to reading the sequel.
Dear Kaelah,
For seven years, my ex girl-friend and I had a relation-ship, which you call a dark world. But I thing, that we were just a normal couple, who liked to give and receive very severe spanking. In our scenes beatings were the most important part but we mixed them with a soft S/M (hot wax, clothes clumps etc.), old-school punishments, and gymnastics exercises. We changed the roles the second time. I believe that it is necessary to have an agreement with rules to be in this kind of relation.
Our main rules were:
The top is in absolute control of the bottom.
The top decides when a scene ends.
No safe word.
No sex during a scene (an anal plug was allowed).
No humiliation.
The bottom must not be tied up.
The bottom must be naked and barefooted.
A beating must be given in 12 strokes series (additional 3 for too slow counting, 6 for miscounting and 9 for not keeping a position).
Every stroke must be counted (sometimes in reverse order) and thanked.
The bottom must take a scene stoic (as long as possible).
Since we both had a high threshold of pain, our bodies were covered with a lot of black, blue or green marks and bruises. Skin on my buttocks must be thin, because I bleed almost every time she did it only some times.
We do not have this kind relation-ship any longer but we are still friends. She moved and has a big house long away of curious neighbors and I visit her some times.
My everyday is full of anxieties and fears but during our spanking plays I felt very secure; strange but true.
Sorry for the long post.
Kaelah I tried posting a comment a couple of weeks ago and it never showed up. Same on your last post - also never showed up. Is there an error on your site? Seems like maybe no comments are getting posted. Please let me know Stephen.sir99@gmail.com
I can’t believe there are no comments!
"Have you ever gained a lot by ever doing it?"
Yes, Yes, and Yes. However, and you knew it that there had to be a "however," the chemistry with the top is the key to a safe and sane conclusion to the scene. Some would argue with the word "chemistry," yet I would defend it: pushing you beyond what you felt that you could accept, yet trusting not to be hurt irreparably, emotionally and physically.
In all these years of seeking and giving consensual impact play, very rarely it happened that either as top or bottom, we were both at the moment of "we are over the top, and this is enough." Call it lucky, or savvy, but the moment comes when as a bottom you feel that you have spent all that you can to resist and fight, and then the instant comes when you don't care anymore, and all that remains is acceptance and if really lucky, blissful peace. The top, when in tune, feels it too, and then gently brings you down - it is all about the bottom's subservience and wellness.
I wish I could comment. Have you not been approving comments?
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