Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Jan 2018):
Pushing Boundaries

Last year, I showed you this picture displaying severe marks on my bottom as well as my inner thighs. In my next post, I wrote about the caning scene that had led to the marks on my bottom and showed you the picture of the fresh marks directly after the scene. Today I want to tell you more about the marks on my thighs (a closer shot of them is attached to this post) and what they tell about my kink.

When I posted the first picture of my marks, I mentioned that I wasn't sure whether I should go to the public swimming pool while my legs were still so visibly black and blue. In the comment section, many readers made suggestions how they would handle that question and some also shared their own experiences with similar situations. Some argued that most vanillas might not even connect the marks to erotic spanking but assume that there was another explanation for them.

Funnily, nobody seemed to consider the idea that the bruises in fact really weren't linked to any spanking activities! And no one seemed to wonder why I suddenly tried a severe spanking scene that involved my inner thighs, given that I had always claimed a (more than extremely light) spanking on my legs to be off-limits for me.

To solve the riddle – my view on strokes on the legs in the context of erotic spanking hasn't changed and the picture of my bruises might explain a bit why I am so opposed to spankings on my legs and thighs. My legs bruise extremely easily and since I've also got scars in that region just from gaining and losing a bit of weight, I don't want to take any risk of causing damage from a spanking.

There are more reasons of course – I also don't like the view of marks on the legs too much, I don't think that the pain would be the right one for me and there aren't any scenarios which involve a severe spanking on the inner thighs that have a high appeal for me. That said, I can imagine taking less severe strokes on my legs during a very intimate, sexual scene. But none that would leave bruises which are as intense as the ones in the picture above.

I suppose some bottoms who do severe scenes involving the legs and thighs do so because those scenes have a genuine appeal for them. Maybe it's a certain scenario they are into or they are attracted by the special kind of pain or they like the resulting marks. I assume for others a severe thigh spanking holds an attraction only in so far that enduring it means pushing their limits.

I can get the appeal of pushing one's limits in a scene – I have done that with my severe canings. But it seems that my willingness to push limits in the context of erotic spanking is limited and maybe has become even more limited over time, after I had experienced my first severe caning and was able to file it under "been there, done that". As a matter of fact, severe canings were the only field in which I wanted to push my boundaries, anyway, at first because they held such a big attraction for Ludwig, later because I became attracted by them, too. But after my first scene, I had a clear idea what was attractive and okay for me (the severity itself) and which things I wanted to avoid because they made the experience less satisfying for me (too rapid strokes without proper breaks). Other fields in which I stretched my boundaries were playing with others, posting pictures and making clips. But I was careful to take it slow and not break my limits.

When I push my limits, not matter in which field, it's not only about surviving the experience. As I said before, the experience itself must hold a special appeal for me that makes it worthwhile in my view to "go the extra mile". And I want to feel okay throughout the experience, making sure that I only stretch my limits but don't break them. When it comes to my spanking kink, the only scenes where this might be true today, could be more sexualised scenes which I'd like to try out with Ludwig.

The bruises on my legs were linked to an experience of pushing my personal limits, too, but as I said, it had nothing to do with erotic spanking. As a matter of fact, the bruises were an accidental byproduct and not intended, anyway.

So, what did I do? Well, it all started with a birthday party that took place at a grill hut in the woods. Nearby there was a playground for children. Since there were several kids at the party, we spent some time there, the children playing, the adults watching and talking. The playground had a wooden ship with a steel pole like you might know them from fire stations. The pole could be reached from a platform on top of the wooden ship that was about three meters high. We watched the children climbing up and sliding down without fear.

I am suffering from fear of heights, though, and wasn't sure whether I would have the guts to jump from the platform and slide down the pole. But it definitely tantalised me, since I try to challenge my fear of heights and small enclosed spaces from time to time (within reasonable limits) in order not to become more and more restricted because of my fear.

And so, after pondering the situation for a while, I entered the platform. My problem was that there was quite a gap between the platform and the pole. That meant it was possible to put one's hands on the pole while still standing on the platform, but in order to put one's legs around, one had to jump. Ludwig had tried it and of course managed to slide down the pole without any problems. I wasn't sure whether I was strong enough to hold on to the pole after jumping, though. What if I lost grip and fell instead of sliding to the ground?  My hands were wet and my heart was pounding.

Thankfully the children were kind enough not to make any fun of me. Still I couldn't get myself to jump, even though someone was standing next to the pole, offering support. So, I sat down on the platform, grabbed the pole with my hands and finally managed to get myself to jumping from there. I put my legs around the pole and slid down.

That gave me the self-confidence that I had the strength to hold myself, and so I went back up and stood on the platform again. Still the ground looked very far away and my legs were shaky. But I was determined to go through with it. Encouraged by my supporter who still stood next to the pole and by Ludwig who was nearby as well and made sure that no child was getting in my way, I took a deep breath, grabbed the pole and jumped. I made it safely to the ground without any help and was very relieved and happy.

Then I realised there was no proof of my bravery. As stupid as it might sound to some people, I mean we are talking about sliding down a pole on a children's playground, for me it took a lot of courage to overcome my fears. And I wasn't sure whether I would do anything similar again anytime soon. So, while I was in the right flow, I asked Ludwig to film me with our camera and climbed the platform once again. For a final time I brought myself to jump and safely slid to the ground. Ludwig had banned the event on video and so I could happily end my experiment and enjoy the rest of the party.

As we went back to the barbecue, I realised that my inner thighs were somehow hurting, though. Later, when I took a look at my legs, I was slightly shocked to find them severely bruised. Bruised from sliding down a pole on a children's playground three times! The reason was of course that in my fear of losing grip I had put my legs too tightly around the pole and hurt them while sliding down. It also shows how easily my legs bruise, though. But in this case I figured that it was worth it, because the experience had given me a very good feeling and had improved my trust in my own physical abilities.

So, I'd say I still like the concept of pushing my limits from time to time. I just guess that erotic spanking isn't the field in which I have lots of plans of doing so. Today there are other fields in my life in which I want to stretch my boundaries and make special empowering experiences. And sometimes those experiences can be as small as sliding down a pole on a playground.

Erotic spanking on the other hand is just that – an erotic experience and fun. There might be a little bit of edginess and pushing limits involved, but that certainly is not my main focus, even though I still enjoy brave girl scenarios. That said, I don't mind pushing Ludwig's limits if he wants me to! :-)

How about you? Are there limits you like to push in the field of erotic spanking? If yes, which ones and why? And has it changed over time? Is spanking an important field for you when it comes to stretching boundaries or are other fields more important? I am very curious to hear about your thoughts and experiences in the comment section!


Fondles said...

I dont think ive thought about what limits i have in terms of erotic spanking. So far butt and light pussy spanks are great. We do play with face slapping (light taps) and that works for me. But i dont think anything more severe would be enjoyable. Bikss usually can tell by my reactions if something is pleasurable for me or not.

Interesting thing about the easy bruising. Just a thought- have you cobsidered doing a full blood count work up to see if everything is order with platelets?

Simon said...

I've been engaging in spanking and punishment for erotic purposes for a very long time,nearly forty years, and over that time my boundaries have been expanded in ways that I couldn't even have imagined when I started. My first experiences were limited to spanking and a little light caning and remained similar for a long time. Then with the encouragement of my Mistress and other ladies I became more experimental. Thigh punishment, front and back, is a recent development which arose because my bottom now has a few weak spots and I bleed very easily when strapped or caned so my thighs were the obvious target. I find it extremely painful but very arousing especially on the front when you can see your Mistress in action in a way that isn't possible if you're bent over facing the front.It also leaves fantastic marks which last for ages so I have a visual reminder of my experience for weeks after;. I've pushed my boundaries in other ways as well, I've previously mentioned on your blog that I've been branded and also punished by men, neither of which did I ever envision when I started. I've been spanked and caned in the open air and in front of groups of men and women and with Pandora/Blake I've even made a film, not yet edited. All of this and other activities not directly spanking related I've tried and enjoyed, to a greater or lesser extent, with the encouragement of some lovely ladies. I will always be grateful to them for spurring me on to try new things and even if I never do some of them again I've had fun experimenting.

Anonymous said...

Love your post Kaelah - thank you.

I can imagine that you are pushing boundaries in thinking about an erotic punishment on your thighs - which it seems you did not have or want, and in showing that part of your body so clearly on the camera.

The photo you posted is lovely. The marks are not pretty of course but the overall theme is great.

Thank you for continuing to push your boundaries.

We look forward to hearing more about what makes you tick.

Kaelah said...

@ Fondles:
From your comment and your posts on your blog I think that you know very well what suits you and what would be too much. And it seems to me that you and Bikss have a very good chemistry, not only because he can usually tell very quickly what is pleasurable for you and what isn't, but also because the two of you talk openly about these things which I think is very important, because while tops can be careful and mindful they aren't mind readers.

About the bruising – luckily everything seems to be okay with my platelets and I don't have any problems other than bruising rather easily on the legs. Thanks for your suggestion!

@ Simon:
Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences! You've really been very open to try a lot of new things. Was your video shoot with Pandora/Blake for their site Dreams of Spanking or will the film be released on another site? I thought Dreams of Spanking wouldn't be updated anymore. I hope you had fun in front of the camera and I am definitely curious to hear more about the film and your experiences at the shoot!

@ Anonymous:
Thank you very much for your kind comment!

Simon said...

Hi Kaelah, the film I made with Pandora/Blake was as part of one of her DIY porn workshops which I attended. During the day myself and six other participants learnt about cameras, sound recording and other aspects of film making and then at the end we all took part in a film shoot. There wasn't enough time for a long piece as we all had to be featured and we all wanted to do different things so I'm mainly just naked being ordered around by a lovely lady who was exploring her dominant side. It was a lot of fun and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. Pandora/Blake is editing the film but I have no idea how it is going to be released.

Kaelah said...

@ Simon: That sounds like a great experience! I'm curious to hear how the final film turned out. Maybe it won't be publicly released but will be sent to the participants only?