Monday, April 30, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Apr 2018):
Out Of Control?

In my last two Kaelah's Corner posts I explained why I had decided not to show my boobies in my pictures when I started blogging and publishing kinky photos of myself and why I have become more open in that regard nowadays. One of the main issues which I discussed in these posts was the factor of trying to keep control.

I think that having control is often just an illusion when it comes to our lives in general. That becomes painfully obvious when a loved one suddenly gets seriously ill or we unexpectedly lose our job or when we are confronted with crime, terrorism and war. But in my opinion not being able to control everything in our life doesn't mean we shouldn't have dreams, make plans and try to give our life a direction we like.

I think it is wise to take into consideration that things might not always turn out as planned, though, and to stay open-minded. In that regard, I believe that being aware that we can't always be in control actually gives us more control because we stay open enough to recognize unexpected chances and to use them. For example, take a woman who sadly loses her job, but suddenly realises that this is her chance to go into a different field of work that always appealed to her but seemed too big of a leap as long as she had her old, well-paying job. Or a man who becomes very ill and starts thinking about the things he hasn't done, yet, but would love to do. And after fighting the illness he decides to go on a trip around the globe because he has realised that this is something he wants to do from deep within his heart.

And then there are those things in life where we have to deliberately give up control in order to gain something we really want. Giving birth is such a situation. In order for the child to be born, the mother has to open up and hand over control to her body. And all future parents voluntarily jump into a situation that is completely new to them and where they can't control beforehand which challenges they will be confronted with or how that will make them feel. But the wish of having a child is so strong that it seems worth taking the risk.

When it comes to kink, control of course is an important factor, too. As a top, I like the aspect of being in control. Not in a way that I really want to have control over someone who wants to give up responsibilities. But in the way that I like to have control in a setting with a clearly defined framework that was agreed upon beforehand. And with that control I love to provoke reactions, not only reactions to pain, but also – in my intimate play with Ludwig – reactions of arousal.

As a bottom I am a person who openly admits to top from the bottom. I am not interested in letting another person do something to me which I don't enjoy or don't have agreed upon beforehand. That said, both in my more BDSM-centred fantasies as well as in my sexual play with Ludwig, I love the idea of giving up control in certain ways, for instance by being bound. But that's not because I enjoy the feeling of being helpless. Quite the contrary: Being the passive part allows me to completely focus on myself and my own pleasure instead of being in charge of organizing things for myself and others as I usually am.

And what about publishing kinky pictures and videos? As I wrote in my last Kaelah's Corner posts, I had to accept that it is impossible to keep control of what others do with the photos and clips. And I think that I would most probably never have published any kinky pictures of myself if Ludwig hadn't done it before. In the beginning, the only reason I decided to show my face in pictures and videos was because I didn't want to remain Ludwig's faceless girlfriend here on the blog.

Initially, the fact that I couldn't control what others said about or did with my photos and clips scared me. In a way, it made me feel helpless. But I also came to realise how much I enjoyed creating beautiful pictures and bringing to life kinky fantasies. So I became more open over time, despite the lack of complete control.

When I posted a nude picture showing my breast in my last Kaelah's Corner post, an anonymous commenter wrote in a very thoughtful comment: "Did you feel like you were giving up control or more like you were gaining it? In the photo it seems like you are completely at ease and have full control. Maybe ironically when we think we lose control is when we most gain it?"

I think the observation is correct and we often gain more control by accepting to give it up in certain regards. I still have my personal boundaries when it comes to the questions which pictures I publish and I think that is good and important. But accepting that I can't control how others use my photos has made me feel much less helpless and therefore given me more freedom to publish the pictures I like without having to ponder the question what others will think, say or do with them.

And having jumped into the whole adventure in the first place most certainly made me gain more than I could possibly lose through the pictures I've posted. Because the creative process itself and the compliments I have received on the finished photos and clips have made me feel more womanly, sexy and self-confident than I would ever have thought possible. So, I want to take this chance to wholeheartedly thank all of you for that!

How about you? What role does the issue of control play in your life, your kink and your behaviour as a member of the kinky online community? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!


Anonymous said...

What a lovely post Kaelah. Thank you for quoting me again in your post and using my earlier comment. What I wrote before was just a small observation based on my own experiences.

It is a fact that the less we worry about what people will think and what we cannot control the more we come across as fully in control and not fearful of unknowns.

I guess that’s what people mean when they talk about “finding themselves”.

It is wonderful to hear that going through this experience has helped to build your confidence and made you feel more womanly.

It seems the out of control / in control / face-your-fear-and-overcome-it therapy is working.

What will the next step be? You are in control now so you get to decide. We are looking forward to seeing this beautiful development.

Kaelah said...

@ Anonymous:
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts!

I very much enjoy your thoughtful comments and would like to make a suggestion if I may. If you like and feel comfortable with it, it would be great if you could give yourself a nickname (of course nothing that reveals anything about yourself, just something like AvidCommenter123) and sign your comments with it (or use the Name/URL option, put the nickname in the name field and leave the URL field blank).

The reason why I am asking is that this would make it easier for me to see that it is you, an avid commenter I've already talked to before, when I read and reply to one of your comments. Right now it is quite easy for me to see that your comments belong together. But that might not be so easy with comments on different posts in the future and then I don't know whether I reply to someone who has already commented before or maybe to a reader who is completely new to our blog.

As I already wrote, this is of course just a suggestion. If you feel more comfortable with that, you can of course still use the Anonymous option without a nickname!

stephen.sir99 said...

Hi Kaelah,

Yes with pleasure. Here you go.

Have a good Sunday.