Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2010): Both Sides Of The Story

(69 for spankos, not as easy as it looks)

I already said a few words about switching in my recent post I Don't Need No Education. But I think it is such an interesting topic that it deserves its own piece of writing. Especially because it plays quite an important role for me, since I made my first experiences with switching only two months ago when I topped Ludwig together with the wonderful Leia-Ann Woods.

I was interested in topping much earlier, but I didn't feel self-confident enough until now. In my spanking fantasies and play my favourite position differs depending on whether the scenario is a sexual or a non-sexual one. As I already mentioned earlier, my non-sexual caring guidance fantasies are usually M/m and I am just an observer taking the points of view of both, the tops and the bottoms. And in that little heroine universe I had developed before I met Ludwig, my role had changed over time. When I was younger, I saw myself as a student, guided by more experienced and wise teachers. The older I got the more my fantasy character changed from a student to an experienced woman and a teacher for others. Or, in other words, my character developed from a bottom to a top. As I explained in one of my first posts, Abenteuerland, I gave up my little heroine universe when I met Ludwig because it didn't fit into my life any more. In my sexual spanking play with Ludwig, however, I sought a more and more dominant behaviour from him the more comfortable I got with our sex life. In my recent post Egoist?! I already described what's behind that longing and why it doesn't go along with a really submissive mindset on my behalf.

So, there is a significant difference here between my sexual and my non-sexual play. In my sexual play, which means my private play with Ludwig, I am sure that I will definitely remain 95 per cent bottom. In my sexual play I haven't got a big desire to switch. Maybe on very special occasions it could be attractive as well. Sometimes I get in a quite dominant mood during our sexual play, but I never spanked Ludwig on such an occasion so far. And since he doesn't have a very strong desire to switch more often than just once or twice per year, this is most probably not going to change any time soon.

In my non-sexual play, however, I would consider myself to be a top as well as a bottom, being equally interested in both positions. This especially affects the roles I would like to play on camera, since this is where I usually live out my non-sexual fantasies. But Ludwig and I also thought about playing out some non-sexual F/M scenes in private, despite of Ludwig's current lack of interest in switching too often. To me it seems that this could be a great counterpart for our sexual role play and Ludwig pointed out that it could also give us the chance to integrate some real life events into our play. Maybe I could even get rid of some of my aggressions that way. This is not what I used the spanking for in my first play as a top, but in the long run it might be possible. But even if that should never work out, there are definitely other things I can get out of topping. I'll write about my feelings during my first experience as a top in the next edition of Kaelah's Corner. All I can say in short is that I definitely felt very comfortable with topping Ludwig! Concerning the future development our idea is that Ludwig is going to train me as a top. Who knows, maybe we'll also do a scene as co-tops one day (and maybe a scene co-bottoming as well)?! I would definitely love to do that. Wherever that leads us to, of course we're going to write about our experiences here on the blog.

Today I would like to focus on the question what it means to me in general that Ludwig and I are switching. Ludwig plans to write a post on his first steps into the world of spanking and why he started his exploration on the bottom side despite knowing that his real desire was to top others. So, you'll be able to read his point of view soon. For me it was always very important to know that Ludwig had switched before. It made me feel extremely safe when we played together for the first time, to know that Ludwig had experienced how a spanking feels like. As I wrote in my comment on Poppy's post “From Top To Bottom” which I already quoted once on this blog before: I’m very much into heroine scenarios and the fact that Ludwig had taken even harder spankings than the ones he dishes out made me feel like he was very experienced, safe to play with and that he had the “right” to dish out spankings like that because he knew what it meant.

Interestingly, Ludwig and I have many similar preferences and limits when topping or bottoming. Of course there are differences, too, but many basic aspects are the same. In my trilogy I Don't Need No Education, Love, Peace and Happiness and Egoist?!, I analysed my preferences as a bottom and the motives behind them in detail. Like me, Ludwig only wants to get topped by tops who have experienced the bottom side as well. I think he is even stricter concerning that topic, since he only switches very rarely and usually only for more severe scenes. And as a bottom, a role he usually only plays in front of a camera, Ludwig also needs a higher degree of control of the scene, camera angles and so on than he does when starring as a top. Like me, he is topping from the bottom in these situations. And he doesn't want to be humiliated in the sense that his dignity is taken away from him. Pushing him is of course okay, teasing and making a bit of fun of him is fine as well - I think more than it is for me, actually. And I also guess that Ludwig would be more open to darker scenarios not only as a top but as a bottom as well. Whereas I am a bit more open concerning possible reactions, at least in our private play, where crying for stress relief is okay for me. I don't think that crying during a spanking would be acceptable under any circumstance for Ludwig, not even in our most intimate and private play. Furthermore, I can imagine playing with a female top as well, even though my fantasies usually don't contain any F/F scenes, while Ludwig doesn't want to play with a male top at all.

As tops, we both enjoy restrained reactions from a bottom. And we both like the idea of leading a bottom to his or her personal limit without wanting to break him or her. It's a mixture of wanting to provoke reactions on the one hand and wanting the bottom to win the battle on the other hand. To my mind, however, Ludwig is more comfortable with stronger reactions. Even though, as he once wrote, very vocal reactions seem to irritate him, he can deal much better with the hysterical crying and the screaming of some of the girls in the more severe spanking films. I usually freak out completely or become at least very sad when I have to watch a scene like that. I think I might be a bit more comfortable with loud vocal reactions from male bottoms, but as soon as they start shaking and sobbing that's not my cup of tea, either.

The only situation in which crying would be absolutely fine with me would be an intimate spanking between me as a top and Ludwig as a bottom in which he could release his stress. On the contrary, in that special scenario I would consider the crying to be symbol for an extremely high amount of trust on Ludwig's behalf. But it seems like that won't ever happen because, as I already mentioned, crying doesn't hold any appeal for Ludwig, not even in a stress relief scenario (I don't think Ludwig is interested in any stress relief spankings at all). And again, I can also imagine playing a scene with a female bottom, while topping a man wouldn't be Ludwig's cup of tea.

So, as you can see, Ludwig and I have many similar basic preferences in our play as bottom and top, despite of some slight differences concerning our limits and of course partially very different motives for playing on the one side or the other. That's why it is such a great experience for me to switch roles and to play as a bottom as well as a top. It's fantastic to be able to exchange thoughts on experiences in both positions with my mate. And I think that his experiences as a switch allow Ludwig to understand my mindset, desires and limits as a bottom much better than he could without having played as a bottom himself. At the same time my first experience as a top helped me to relate to a mindset Ludwig described in his behind the scenes report after his shoot with Mood Pictures. Which mindset I'm talking about will be the topic of the next edition of Kaelah's Corner.

For now I would like to leave you with the question about your experiences with switching or maybe not wanting to switch at all. Are you a 100 per cent top or bottom? Have you experienced both sides? Was there a path of development? And what about those who live in a spanking relationship – is switching an option for you and your partner? Feel free to write down your thoughts in the comment section!