Thursday, March 8, 2012


I recently reflected on a few experiences which I made at the very beginning of my exploration into the world of erotic kink, about which I have not written, yet. So, I decided to share the one or other of those experiences with you every once in a while. Today I would like to write about self-spanking.

When I started exchanging e-mails with Ludwig back in 2008, and trying out spanking for real slowly turned from a vague idea into a concrete plan, I had no clue whether I would like the experience or not. I hadn't been spanked as a child, except for a few slaps with the hand on one occasion (a very unpleasant and definitely not erotic experience), so I had no real idea of what to expect. As well as that, erotic CP was something entirely different from non-consensual discipline spankings of children, anyway. The former had been an important part of my sexual fantasies for a long time, the latter was and is something I absolutely don't condone.

The only experiences that I had with pain were the kind of experiences everyone makes once in a while, like headaches, stubbing my toe and other forms of pain that result from injuries or illness. I knew that I definitely didn't like that kind of pain and that I didn't find it erotic at all. I enjoyed fantasies about spanking, yes, but I didn't feel any pain while fantasizing about it. So, what reason did I have to assume that I would enjoy the real thing?

Ludwig did a tremenduous job as a partner for my first-ever real spanking experience. He told me that most of the people with kinky fantasies he knew had found out that they liked the real thing as well when they had finally decided to take the plunge. But Ludwig also reassured me that he wouldn't be disappointed if I happened to find out during our scene that I didn't like it at all and told him to stop. He found exactly the right balance between reassurance that it would most probably turn out fine and reducing the pressure in case I should find out that I only liked the fantasy of being spanked but not the real experience.

Nonetheless, I longed to have some more reassurance before our first play. And I wanted to try out some of the things which I had seen in all those spanking clips. So, I looked for all the items that I could find in my household which seemed to be suitable for spanking and started to try them out on myself. As far as I can remember, there were wooden spoons, shoes and even a folding yardstick (which I used while still folded) among them.

I didn't own any canes, but the stripes which they produced fascinated me the most. Furthermore, I knew that they were Ludwig's most favourite implement and that we would use one during my initiation ritual. As a substitute which seemed to be quite similar but was much easier to acquire, I cut myself switches from different shrubs. And I tried them out on myself either bent over or kneeling on my bed and watched the results in the mirror.

I found out that I indeed liked the, albeit not too severe, pain that I managed to inflict on myself with all those toys. Self-spanking worked as an additional tactile and visual stimulus for my erotic fantasies. I felt the strokes, I enjoyed the feeling and the sight of being in a spanking position, and I liked the sight of the implements hitting target and the growing redness of my bottom in the mirror. I found it especially cool that I really managed to produce red stripes with the switches. You can see them in the pictures. Not bad, are they?

Of course, my first experience with Ludwig still held a lot of novelty. Being spanked by another person is a competely different experience from self-spanking, and Ludwig spanked a lot harder than I had ever managed to spank myself. But still, I think that my self-spanking experiences were not only fascinating per se, they also supported my belief that I could enjoy the real thing and therefore made me feel a bit more relaxed prior to my first spanking play session with Ludwig.

Interestingly, I haven't done much self-spanking any more after that experience. I mostly use it nowadays to try out new implements, like the wooden hairbush with holes, and to make pictures of the results. I have definitely kept a strong fondness for mirrors, though, which allow me to watch the process of being spanked and the developing marks.

How about you? Have you ever tried out self-spanking? If yes, which implements did or do you use? Does it work for you? Any tops who try out implements on themselves before using them on others? And finally, how did you know that you would really enjoy your first erotic spanking experience? Did that question bother you prior to your first play? Or are you maybe still in the process of pondering whether you should make your fantasies come true? I'm curious to hear about your experiences and thoughts. Please feel free to share them in the comment section!


Donpascual said...

Really interesting post, Kaelah, you surprise me time and again.
As a top, I would not use any implement, I don't have a good idea about how it feels.
But testing it on myself always was the second best thing although I have done it.
I do not switch as a rule, but to try out especially vicious toys, I let somebody test it on me. That is - at best - half a scene, not a really serious full session.
A good top should know what medicine he/she is dishing out.
Self spanking - as you point out - is difficult because of the bad leverage, inaccurate aim and the restraint you are using against yourself. You will usually not inflict real pain.

Bobbie Jo said...

I have done self-spanking in the past and I am doing a bit of it now to keep my bottom in some sort of tone until I see my top again. I have used rulers, both 12" and 18", and also a Maori war club, which is flat like a paddle. Right now I can't find it. Rats. That thing worked very well!

The first adult spanking I got was from a therapist way back in the early 70s. It should not have happened, but that is another story. Fast forward 40 years. I have now seen my top four times and I will be seeing her again in May. I do like having someone else spank me rather than me doing it. Much better. I had my fantasies when I was a kid and also into adulthood. I still have some, but I mostly got away from it.

Spanking for me is mostly non-erotic and therapeutic, though if I was married to a guy who was willing to spank me, it would definitely be erotic as well as therapeutic.

Val said...

Kaelah, yes, you are right, very nice, your success at putting pretty red stripes on.
"Have you ever tried out self-spanking?"
Yes, for different reasons.
"If yes, which implements did or do you use?"
Paddle, short flat ones such as many you can find at; dog whip; hairbrush; strap; ruler; spoon; fresh cut switch.
"Does it work for you?"
No, not really. First, it is not the same feeling, it takes two to spank. Second, the mechanics are not right, in terms of leverage, accuracy, reach, position. Third, yes you could induce any amount of redness if going at it long enough, however it is tough to reproduce the real pain and sting that you might wish for once in a while.
"Any tops who try out implements on themselves before using them on others?"
Yes, we use spanking for erotic fun, and as a switch who is also in charge of acquiring implements, I fond it necessary to try them on myself first before applying to the other. Then, being that my wife until recently did not want to "hurt" me, I had to be very careful and acquire those toys which are inherently nasty. ;-) "And finally, how did you know that you would really enjoy your first erotic spanking experience? Did that question bother you prior to your first play?"
I cannot say how I knew that I would enjoy receiving a spanking of the consensual, erotic nature. I tried to figure that one out, no success yet. So, the first time it happened it confirmed to me that yes, I liked it, and still do. Very much.
"[...] are you [...] in the process of pondering whether you should make your fantasies come true?"
Those lucky enough to have lived to realize their fantasies, or some of them at least, probably also know that you must be careful of what you wish for. For me, each instance proved to be the entry point into a new realm, or motivation to consume even more of that which had just happened. So, to round it up, this is why self spanking may be fun to test the hardware and yourself maybe, but is not something to resolve fantasy.

Peter8862 said...

Self spanking is much more effective with flexible implements like a martinet or a tawse as distinct from canes and rulers. A single tail can be a real exercise in self discipline and willpower, as I'm sure you know.

doclash said...

Peter8862 is right about flexible instruments for self-spanking. Because of the "wrapping" or "whiplash" effect (all to do with changing moments of inertia), which greatly increases the tip velocity, a short single tail or a good Scottish tawse can be excruciatingly painful and can easily draw blood if care is not taken. So if you want some real pain when self-spanking, you know what to use ...

Of course this also applies when a top is doing the spanking, but few tops apply these instruments in such a way as to produce the same effect as can be obtained through self-spanking. If you fancy trying it with your top (ouch!), get the top to stand more or less in front of you, not behind or at the side. A mirror helps here, naturally.

I am sure we would all be interested to hear about your experiences with any of the above.

Finally, I would say that no top should ever apply an instrument that he/she has not had applied very firmly to themselves.

Kaelah said...

@ Donpascual:
Knowing how an implement feels like or at least how hard I can hit without pushing the bottom too much is very important for me as well when I am topping. Indeed, my self-spankings were not as severe as spankings administered by someone else can be. But I managed to reach a level of pain that was high enough to be interesting and that felt quite erotic as well. More severe spankings aren't always that erotic for me, especially because I don't belong to those who can eroticize a spanking experience afterwards even though / right because it didn't feel good while it was happening.

@ Bobbie Jo:
Welcome and thank you very much for sharing your thoughts! :-) It's good to hear that you have found a top with whom you can at least share the therapeutic spankings you long for. Self-spanking can be nice, but I think it is much easier to let oneself fall when another person does the „work“.

@ Val:
It seems that you and your wife are experiencing some very interesting developments in your spanking play. If she isn't afraid of hurting you any more, you might indeed have to be more careful what you wish for. ;-)

@ Peter8862:
Switches are flexible enough, too! Using a single tail on oneself surely is a big challenge. I'm in the midst of learning to apply one to another person and I'm not sure whether I would be skilled enough for self-flaggelation with it, yet! :-)

@ doclash:
Self-applying a tawse sounds to me as if it needs a lot of practise as well, especially since I don't like any kind of wrapping around. As I already wrote in my reply to Donpascual, I usually prefer just a medium level of pain because then the pain itself is erotic for me. That's why switches (which are whippy) work fine for me. In addition to that, I enjoy the marks they produce more than those produced by a tawse or a whip. That said, I tried a tawse twice, one time on the hands and another time on the bottom, with Ludwig applying it, and I enjoyed it very much! We definitely have to get us one some day.

Respecting Mistress said...

Kaelah, I love your thoughts! And the thought-provoking questions you pose. I'd not even remembered my early days of trying to understand my interest in corporal punishment until I read this post.

Between the ages of about 12-16 I used to experiment with self whipping, rather than self spanking. I desperately wanted to know what it felt like to be caned but too much of a goodie, goodie at school.

The only implements I could find in our house were things like washing line, which had a kind on inner thread or rubbery material with a thick plastic coating, and curtain wire, which was literally wire coated with plastic. I found them in my dad's shed and cut maybe 12-18" lenghts off the reels and then tried to whack my bare bottom with them. The curtain wire was just too severe but the washing line left satisfactory tramlines and stung like hell. It never worked for me because it was too easy to stop after one really hard whack and I wanted to experience what it was like to have maybe six to a dozen hard whacks at the time!

What excited me was playing out scenarios in the shed, knowing I could get caught - but never did.

In adult life I experimented with hairbrushes, paddles and even a tawse but alwys found it unsatisfactory, especially when I experienced a real punihsment session and realised just how painful, but satisfying it could be.

How did I know I'd enjoy my first real spanking experience (caning actually)? I was over 40 before I experienced a real punishment session and after a lifetime of frustration, my interest in the subject had never waned and, despite the intense pain, I enjoyed a real sense of satisfaction, pleasure and relief.

murray roberts said...

Your comments about even the most boring things - to me, that includes self spanking - are always readable, so keep going, please.

Kaelah said...

@ Respecting Mistress:
Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences! I'm glad that my post brought up some old memories and provided some thought-fodder. I assume that several spankos have tried out the one or other form of self-spanking to satisfy their curiosity and to add a real sensual stimulus to the fantasies which they played out in their heads. But of course the "real thing" with a fitting spanking partner is even better indeed.

@ Murray:
Thank you! :-)

Rich Person said...

Have you ever tried out self-spanking?

Yes. I tried it out a number of times, from when I was younger to now. When I have partners to play with, I usually don't find it desirable. But when the real action dies down, it allows me to experience a little bit of the feeling.

If yes, which implements did or do you use?

I've used paddles and belts, but mostly I like to use switches (either single switches or the birch).

Does it work for you?

It is a pale image of the real thing, and I think it helps with the imagination more than as any kind of actual sensation.

Any tops who try out implements on themselves before using them on others?

I have had implements used on me to see how they feel. I suspect, however, that this was not a a very good representation of what it's like to be punished with them.

And finally, how did you know that you would really enjoy your first erotic spanking experience? Did that question bother you prior to your first play?

Well, as a top, I was probably destined to like my first erotic experience. As for the girls involved, I worked pretty hard to make sure their experience lived up to their fantasies.

I wasn't bothered by the question. I did take me some time to come to terms with liking spankings. But I never doubted I'd enjoy the activity.

Thanks for bring up the topic, which I don't think gets discussed all that much. It's fascinating to hear other people's experiences.

Kaelah said...

@ Rich Person:
It's definitely interesting to hear other people's experiences with self-spanking! Thanks a lot for sharing yours. :-)

Rich Person said...

You might also enjoy the self-paddling in this darling video by Spanked Princess:

Oh, the inadequacy!

Kaelah said...

@ Rich Person:
Very funny indeed! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Self-spanking (with the same hairbrush my mother had used on me up to a few months before) was my first introduction to sexual spanking and indeed to sexual feelings as all, remaining a big part of my foreplay throughout adolescence up to the point where I began having sex with actual partners, and continuing to be so in between relationships thereafter. But although I increasingly introduced spankings into sex play with my actual partners (first as the top and then later as the bottom as well), it took a half century from my initial self-spankings to introduce them as a show for my beloved wife, whom I found (to my delight) it aroused very much. Having always had issues with pain and cowardice as a child, I discovered that spanking myself, as hard as I could bear it, was also an excellent exercise in self-discipline, as well enlightening as to the interesting ego-splitting of submissive and dominant at the same time. But I never realised till just a couple of years ago what a turn-on it could be to a woman watching me. Now that I do, I love surprising her when I have just emerged from the shower naked by taking that same hairbrush in my hand, telling her "I've been naughty and should be spanked," then turning around and punishing my bottom for her to see. It invariably makes her very, very hot, and the sex that usually follows is always exceptionally intense.

Kaelah said...

@ Anonymous:
It's great to hear that you and your wife found a form of play that works so well for both of you! :-)

Anonymous said...

This may sound silly, but you may want to try a plastic fly swatter for your next self spanking session. The length is perfect and the plastic leaves a very nice burning sensation and reddens the cheeks quite well and the feeling will actually stay with you for few days if you spank hard enough.

Kaelah said...

@ Anonymous:
Thanks a lot for your suggestion which doesn't sound silly at all! I have a fly swatter at home and I would love to use it for a spanking, but it's a cheap one and tends to fall apart. I guess I have to get myself a more suitable specimen! :-)

Anonymous said...

is there a video we can watch?

Kaelah said...

@ Anonymous:
I'm sorry, there is no video available. You can find our videos under the "my videos" label. There are no self-spanking videos, though. But there will be a new one that involves a switching very soon.

Dan said...

Thanks for sharing this Kealah, and the beautiful pictures; I enjoyed your open account of first experiences. I'm happy for you that you have a great-sounding top! When alone, I use a technique by which you can give yourself a light to moderate caning. You hold the cane with your hand splayed out, so that thumb and little finger can flick it with a twist of the forearm. It can be very accurate, and what it lacks in force can, up to a point, be made up for with rapid, multiple strokes. I hope others can find this useful. Un abrazo (a hug) from Mallorca.

Kaelah said...

@ Dan:
Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with self-spanking and for your technical advice! Greetings to Mallorca!