Now it's bound to
happen very soon. The first scene I have ever shot for a
professional producer will be released on Dreams of Spanking. And
what a scene! It's a fifty strokes severe caning and a scenario based
on one of my very personal favourite fantasies. I've already written
a bit about the caning itself and the reason why I wanted to do such
a severe scene again after my very first try in private. In this post
and the second part which will follow soon, Ludwig and I want to tell
you more about the fantasy on which this scenario was based and the
day of the shoot. We thought it would be interesting to integrate
both of our perspectives into one (two-part) post, so you are going
to find Ludwig's thoughts in brackets and bold letters and mine in
standard letters.
The caning scene which
we did for Dreams of Spanking in March 2011 was my second severe
caning. I am not so much into extreme severity in private play, but
like Ludwig I am of the opinion that it can be worth to "go the
extra mile" in order to create a memorable spanking clip. When we
filmed our first private severe caning experiment (which will be
published for free very soon) in December 2009, I was quite convinced
that this would be a "once in a lifetime" experience for me. The
level of severity seemed so much on the edge of / outside my usual
comfort zone that I didn't expect to ever have the desire to do
something like that again. Actually, the main reason why I did that
first severe scene wasn't that I desired the experience in the first
place, it was the desire to have done such a scene as a special,
bonding experience with Ludwig and to have an informed
opinion about the severe scenes which he had done as a top for Mood Pictures
and for Lupus Pictures with which I didn't really feel comfortable.
[When
Kaelah and I did that first, private severe caning back in 2009, I
had urged her to wait a bit longer with it - it was less than a year
after her first practical experience with spanking, I argued, let us
take a little more time and maybe get there in stages. But Kaelah said
that waiting would not make it easier and that she just wanted to do
that severe caning and get it over with. I respected her reasoning and
her decision. Before I ever topped someone in spanking play, I had taken
a harsh, Mood-style caning from a pro domme myself, an experience I
found invaluable as a top and when discussing the sometimes
controversial subject of severe caning videos. I could understand that
Kaelah wanted to be able to participate in those discussions with an
informed opinion, and that she also wanted to do the scene as a gift to
me. However, I made a point of assuring Kaelah that she should not feel
pressured in any way by me to do the scene, and she assured me that she
didn't, that she wanted to do it out of her own initiative.]
That first scene really
brought me to my limit (and beyond) and I wasn't very happy with the
first batch of 25 strokes because I went into panic mode and
hyperventilation. But, to my surprise, the second batch of strokes
went much better and I even enjoyed watching the resulting scene on
video. With that in mind, I suddenly developed the fantasy about a
year later to do another severe scene for a professional producer,
using the experience which I had gained during my first try in order
to make this a good experience all around.
[I
thought that the first, private scene went very well under the
circumstances, and I love the resulting video footage. I hope to be
able to finally edit it over the New Year holidays so we can publish the
video for you (it is going to be a monumental editing job). But no
matter how much I lauded it, Kaelah was never fully happy with the scene
and what she considered to be her "unsexy" reactions during the first
25 strokes. Still, it came as a bit of a surprise to me when she told me
one day that she wanted to do another severe caning, for a professional
producer this time.]
For that, I needed a
producer who wouldn't set me under pressure and who would give me the
time and the breaks in between strokes which I needed in order not to
panic. I also needed a producer who wouldn't insist on frontal
nudity, because that's outside my personal comfort zone. And I only
wanted to do such a special scene embedded into a scenario which fit
my personal fantasies. Given all these preconditions, our lovely
friend Pandora and her actor-driven site Dreams of Spanking seemed
like the right person and place to do this. And that turned out to be
true.
[Indeed, Pandora was the ideal choice. Kaelah and I had shot videos with her the year before, and enjoyed the collaboration a great deal. Dreams of Spanking
also promised to offer an intimate, almost family-like shoot
atmosphere, where Kaelah could take as many breaks during the caning
scene as she needed, without feeling like she was holding up an entire
armada of technicians as would have been the case at, say, a large-scale
Lupus Pictures production.]
Pandora liked the idea
of doing a severe scene and she was also happy with the consensual
scenario which I had worked out and gave Ludwig and me lots of
creative freedom. The idea for the scene was very simple and loosely
based on a scenario which I had fancied very much on Spanking Central. They had shot some caning scenes between a martial arts
trainer and his students which were right up my alley.
I wanted an explicitly
consensual and not punishment-related scenario, though. And so our
scene is about a martial arts trainer and his student who is about to
leave for a not specified journey which is going to be a great
challenge. We left it to the viewers' imagination to decide where the
student is going and why. I had the picture in my mind that she was
leaving for China in order to practise with other students in a
renowned and strict martial arts school. In order to prepare her for
the challenges to come and to give her the self-confidence that she
can make it through, the trainer and the student have agreed on one
final endurance test which will require all her willpower to
accomplish. The trainer completely left the decision whether to do
that painful test or not to his student. She even has to confirm her
decision directly prior to the test again and to take and keep her
position voluntarily without any restraints or any external pressure
to comply.
[I
liked the consensual nature of the story a lot myself. I'm a fan of
"brave girl" scenarios where a spankee seeks out such a caning, for
whatever reason, out of her own initiative. Consensual scenarios like
that are done much too rarely in spanking videos, so ours would stand
out nicely among the myriad of formulaic, standardized schoolgirl /
secretary / housewife punishment videos out there.]
The scene is not so
much to the taste of punishment enthusiasts, but the consensual
setting and the idea of a martial arts inurement practice are at the
very core of my kink. And they are scenarios which are less common,
so I hope that some fellow kinksters who have a similar taste are
going to enjoy them as well. Pandora, Ludwig and I agreed to keep the
spoken parts very short and rudimentary. Instead, we decided to embed
the caning into an almost meditative composition of pictures and music, showing me practising Tai Chi. Given that I don't like my
German accent, anyway, that I wasn't sure whether I would be able to
talk coherently in anticipation of the scene and that I have a thing
for the mixture of colours, music and fluent moves, I loved that
idea. With all these details clarified beforehand, Ludwig and I went
to England for my very first professional shoot.
I have to admit that I
was a bit scared, though, fearing that the experience might become too
overwhelming for me. Ludwig and I had already filmed two clips with
Pandora before (which are also still to be published) which had been
great but at the same time already very challenging for me. I am an INTJ and a
control freak. Furthermore, spanking is something very personal for
me, especially when I am on the receiving end. While filming amateur clips
with Ludwig doesn't cause me lots of stress, making amateur clips
that involve other people as well definitely is a challenge already.
Regarding the action itself, medium severe scenes aren't problematic, either, but my first very
severe scene absolutely brought me to my limit. Having made that
scene in private, though, meant that I had all the time in the world
and could have delayed or even cancelled the scene any time if
necessary. I could also decide not to publish it if I didn't like the
result and I could take it down any time (even thought that wouldn't
delete the copies which would already have been made). But, a shoot
for a professional site which of course meant that I wouldn't have
any influence on the editing and the publishing, and then a very
severe caning, too? I just hoped that I would be fine and not already
a crying mess before the action scene even began.
[Kaelah
and I talked about these insecurities in detail in the weeks before the
shoot, which I think helped both of us be more at ease by simply
getting everything out in the open and analysing it. I understood the
challenges and had Kaelah's well-being on my mind more than anything
else, but I was pretty optimistic and upbeat about the prospect of the
shoot myself. We had done a severe caning scene in private, and we had
done videos with Pandora before. Combining the two would be new, and a
somewhat more daunting task, but overall we would not be doing anything
fundamentally unlike what we had done before.]
We already met with
Pandora on the evening before the shoot to talk through the plan for
the next day. After all, we didn't plan to shoot only one scene. A
geeky science-fiction scenario featuring Pandora, her partner Tom, Ludwig and me
and a sweet little scene between Pandora and me only were supposed to
follow the martial arts scenario. I definitely wanted to do the
severe caning first in order to clear my mind for the next two
scenes. From my first-ever severe caning experience I knew that I wouldn't need a very long time to recover, so I was sure that the
caning wouldn't cause any physical or mental restrictions other than
the need to rest some minutes afterwards.
Ludwig and I also had
the chance to visit the location where we would be shooting the next
day. We used this opportunity in order to try out different positions
for the caning. As you know, I am not so happy with my waist-to-hip
ratio which can make my bottom look very huge when I take an
unfavourable position or choose the wrong angle. I definitely
wanted to bend over a table for the scene, because I needed a place
to rest my upper body upon and an edge which I could grab with my
hands in order to cope with the pain. With Ludwig's help (I am lucky
to have a boyfriend who is very honest with me concerning my look
without making me feel ugly) we found the best possible position.
That meant that I would have to put my feet beneath the table,
though, and stand on tiptoes, which wouldn't make keeping the
position any easier. But, hey, who cares about being comfortable as
long as the result looks good?
[I
could not help but notice the irony that Kaelah's fretting over how big
her bottom looked from which exact camera angle seemed, on the face of
it, a tad out of touch with the "Body positive! Hooray for non-conventional
beauty!" philosophy of Pandora's site. Chuckle, chuckle... But seriously, I
don't think there is a contradiction at all between being body positive,
appreciating oneself with all of one's real or imagined "flaws", and
simply wanting to look as good as is reasonably attainable when filming a
sexy CP video. There is a legitimate difference between unhealthy
obsession and healthy pefectionism-for-the-special-occasion. I do the
same mild, unobsessive fretting before an F/M scene. In the weeks before
filming the Ludwig's Comeuppance
clip with Niki Flynn, I rode a stationary bicycle and did all kinds of
other exercise I had not done in years... There is no better incentive
for finally doing something good for one's health than making a spanking
clip!]
And so we went to bed
to get some rest and catch some sleep before the great adventure
would start on the morning of the following day. I was excited and I
am sure I slept a bit more fitfully than usual in anticipation of
what was about to come.
To be continued...
