The Final Test: Preparations

Now it's bound to happen very soon. The first scene I have ever shot for a professional producer will be released on Dreams of Spanking. And what a scene! It's a fifty strokes severe caning and a scenario based on one of my very personal favourite fantasies. I've already written a bit about the caning itself and the reason why I wanted to do such a severe scene again after my very first try in private. In this post and the second part which will follow soon, Ludwig and I want to tell you more about the fantasy on which this scenario was based and the day of the shoot. We thought it would be interesting to integrate both of our perspectives into one (two-part) post, so you are going to find Ludwig's thoughts in brackets and bold letters and mine in standard letters.

The caning scene which we did for Dreams of Spanking in March 2011 was my second severe caning. I am not so much into extreme severity in private play, but like Ludwig I am of the opinion that it can be worth to "go the extra mile" in order to create a memorable spanking clip. When we filmed our first private severe caning experiment (which will be published for free very soon) in December 2009, I was quite convinced that this would be a "once in a lifetime" experience for me. The level of severity seemed so much on the edge of / outside my usual comfort zone that I didn't expect to ever have the desire to do something like that again. Actually, the main reason why I did that first severe scene wasn't that I desired the experience in the first place, it was the desire to have done such a scene as a special, bonding experience with Ludwig and to have an informed opinion about the severe scenes which he had done as a top for Mood Pictures and for Lupus Pictures with which I didn't really feel comfortable.

[When Kaelah and I did that first, private severe caning back in 2009, I had urged her to wait a bit longer with it - it was less than a year after her first practical experience with spanking, I argued, let us take a little more time and maybe get there in stages. But Kaelah said that waiting would not make it easier and that she just wanted to do that severe caning and get it over with. I respected her reasoning and her decision. Before I ever topped someone in spanking play, I had taken a harsh, Mood-style caning from a pro domme myself, an experience I found invaluable as a top and when discussing the sometimes controversial subject of severe caning videos. I could understand that Kaelah wanted to be able to participate in those discussions with an informed opinion, and that she also wanted to do the scene as a gift to me. However, I made a point of assuring Kaelah that she should not feel pressured in any way by me to do the scene, and she assured me that she didn't, that she wanted to do it out of her own initiative.]

That first scene really brought me to my limit (and beyond) and I wasn't very happy with the first batch of 25 strokes because I went into panic mode and hyperventilation. But, to my surprise, the second batch of strokes went much better and I even enjoyed watching the resulting scene on video. With that in mind, I suddenly developed the fantasy about a year later to do another severe scene for a professional producer, using the experience which I had gained during my first try in order to make this a good experience all around.

[I thought that the first, private scene went very well under the circumstances, and I love the resulting video footage. I  hope to be able to finally edit it over the New Year holidays so we can publish the video for you (it is going to be a monumental editing job). But no matter how much I lauded it, Kaelah was never fully happy with the scene and what she considered to be her "unsexy" reactions during the first 25 strokes. Still, it came as a bit of a surprise to me when she told me one day that she wanted to do another severe caning, for a professional producer this time.]

For that, I needed a producer who wouldn't set me under pressure and who would give me the time and the breaks in between strokes which I needed in order not to panic. I also needed a producer who wouldn't insist on frontal nudity, because that's outside my personal comfort zone. And I only wanted to do such a special scene embedded into a scenario which fit my personal fantasies. Given all these preconditions, our lovely friend Pandora and her actor-driven site Dreams of Spanking seemed like the right person and place to do this. And that turned out to be true.

[Indeed, Pandora was the ideal choice. Kaelah and I had shot videos with her the year before, and enjoyed the collaboration a great deal. Dreams of Spanking also promised to offer an intimate, almost family-like shoot atmosphere, where Kaelah could take as many breaks during the caning scene as she needed, without feeling like she was holding up an entire armada of technicians as would have been the case at, say, a large-scale Lupus Pictures production.]

Pandora liked the idea of doing a severe scene and she was also happy with the consensual scenario which I had worked out and gave Ludwig and me lots of creative freedom. The idea for the scene was very simple and loosely based on a scenario which I had fancied very much on Spanking Central. They had shot some caning scenes between a martial arts trainer and his students which were right up my alley.

I wanted an explicitly consensual and not punishment-related scenario, though. And so our scene is about a martial arts trainer and his student who is about to leave for a not specified journey which is going to be a great challenge. We left it to the viewers' imagination to decide where the student is going and why. I had the picture in my mind that she was leaving for China in order to practise with other students in a renowned and strict martial arts school. In order to prepare her for the challenges to come and to give her the self-confidence that she can make it through, the trainer and the student have agreed on one final endurance test which will require all her willpower to accomplish. The trainer completely left the decision whether to do that painful test or not to his student. She even has to confirm her decision directly prior to the test again and to take and keep her position voluntarily without any restraints or any external pressure to comply.

[I liked the consensual nature of the story a lot myself. I'm a fan of "brave girl" scenarios where a spankee seeks out such a caning, for whatever reason, out of her own initiative. Consensual scenarios like that are done much too rarely in spanking videos, so ours would stand out nicely among the myriad of formulaic, standardized schoolgirl / secretary / housewife punishment videos out there.]

The scene is not so much to the taste of punishment enthusiasts, but the consensual setting and the idea of a martial arts inurement practice are at the very core of my kink. And they are scenarios which are less common, so I hope that some fellow kinksters who have a similar taste are going to enjoy them as well. Pandora, Ludwig and I agreed to keep the spoken parts very short and rudimentary. Instead, we decided to embed the caning into an almost meditative composition of pictures and music, showing me practising Tai Chi. Given that I don't like my German accent, anyway, that I wasn't sure whether I would be able to talk coherently in anticipation of the scene and that I have a thing for the mixture of colours, music and fluent moves, I loved that idea. With all these details clarified beforehand, Ludwig and I went to England for my very first professional shoot.

I have to admit that I was a bit scared, though, fearing that the experience might become too overwhelming for me. Ludwig and I had already filmed two clips with Pandora before (which are also still to be published) which had been great but at the same time already very challenging for me. I am an INTJ and a control freak. Furthermore, spanking is something very personal for me, especially when I am on the receiving end. While filming amateur clips with Ludwig doesn't cause me lots of stress, making amateur clips that involve other people as well definitely is a challenge already. Regarding the action itself, medium severe scenes aren't problematic, either, but my first very severe scene absolutely brought me to my limit. Having made that scene in private, though, meant that I had all the time in the world and could have delayed or even cancelled the scene any time if necessary. I could also decide not to publish it if I didn't like the result and I could take it down any time (even thought that wouldn't delete the copies which would already have been made). But, a shoot for a professional site which of course meant that I wouldn't have any influence on the editing and the publishing, and then a very severe caning, too? I just hoped that I would be fine and not already a crying mess before the action scene even began.

[Kaelah and I talked about these insecurities in detail in the weeks before the shoot, which I think helped both of us be more at ease by simply getting everything out in the open and analysing it. I understood the challenges and had Kaelah's well-being on my mind more than anything else, but I was pretty optimistic and upbeat about the prospect of the shoot myself. We had done a severe caning scene in private, and we had done videos with Pandora before. Combining the two would be new, and a somewhat more daunting task, but overall we would not be doing anything fundamentally unlike what we had done before.]

We already met with Pandora on the evening before the shoot to talk through the plan for the next day. After all, we didn't plan to shoot only one scene. A geeky science-fiction scenario featuring Pandora, her partner Tom, Ludwig and me and a sweet little scene between Pandora and me only were supposed to follow the martial arts scenario. I definitely wanted to do the severe caning first in order to clear my mind for the next two scenes. From my first-ever severe caning experience I knew that I wouldn't need a very long time to recover, so I was sure that the caning wouldn't cause any physical or mental restrictions other than the need to rest some minutes afterwards.

Ludwig and I also had the chance to visit the location where we would be shooting the next day. We used this opportunity in order to try out different positions for the caning. As you know, I am not so happy with my waist-to-hip ratio which can make my bottom look very huge when I take an unfavourable position or choose the wrong angle. I definitely wanted to bend over a table for the scene, because I needed a place to rest my upper body upon and an edge which I could grab with my hands in order to cope with the pain. With Ludwig's help (I am lucky to have a boyfriend who is very honest with me concerning my look without making me feel ugly) we found the best possible position. That meant that I would have to put my feet beneath the table, though, and stand on tiptoes, which wouldn't make keeping the position any easier. But, hey, who cares about being comfortable as long as the result looks good?

[I could not help but notice the irony that Kaelah's fretting over how big her bottom looked from which exact camera angle seemed, on the face of it, a tad out of touch with the "Body positive! Hooray for non-conventional beauty!" philosophy of Pandora's site. Chuckle, chuckle... But seriously, I don't think there is a contradiction at all between being body positive, appreciating oneself with all of one's real or imagined "flaws", and simply wanting to look as good as is reasonably attainable when filming a sexy CP video. There is a legitimate difference between unhealthy obsession and healthy pefectionism-for-the-special-occasion. I do the same mild, unobsessive fretting before an F/M scene. In the weeks before filming the Ludwig's Comeuppance clip with Niki Flynn, I rode a stationary bicycle and did all kinds of other exercise I had not done in years... There is no better incentive for finally doing something good for one's health than making a spanking clip!]

And so we went to bed to get some rest and catch some sleep before the great adventure would start on the morning of the following day. I was excited and I am sure I slept a bit more fitfully than usual in anticipation of what was about to come.

To be continued...