Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Pervertibles From Finland


A while ago, Ludwig and I visited a museum in Finland during our holidays. There I learned that housework and housework items don't necessarily have to be as boring as I always thought. Actually we found lots of traditional housework items which in my opinion would make beautiful paddles. For instance the rolling board which you can see in the picture above.


I am not sure, but I assume that these two specimen are shovels in their vanilla life. In the eye of a kinkster they mutate to rather huge paddles, though. I guess with those two a top could easily combine kinky fun with a proper workout.


Clothes beaters seem to be great pervertibles as well in my view. As you can see, they are available in different shapes and sizes.


These two seem to be very good to handle. I really like the heart on the lower one!


And here is another wooden clothes beater with not only one but two hearts. Well, what is love if not two hearts beating together as one?


Finally we have the item of choice for the severity freaks among us. It comes with a practical handle.


Last but not least, another group of items which I wouldn't have thought of, but which in my opinion would make very exquisite implements – distaffs! I assume some of them would be too fragile to be used for a paddling. But the different forms and colours are beautiful, don't you agree?

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2015):
Bindungsangst

This is the last episode of my Kaelah's Corner posts about my years as a kinky blogger. And it is one of the most personal posts I have ever written. As some of you might have noticed, I skipped last month's corner post altogether because it was so difficult for me to write about this topic.

It all started in the summer 2013. By that time, my professional life became even more stressful than it had already been before. Simultaneously, Ludwig and I talked about our future, about moving in together, having children, the whole package. My father got ill and I even feared to lose him as I had lost my mother a few years before. And then it turned out that Ludwig struggled with some aspects of his (professional) life, too.

This all became too much for me and I started to worry that living together with a partner and raising a family maybe wasn't the right thing for me. I had the feeling that too much weight was on my shoulders and I couldn't carry it. As a result, my libido, which hadn't been very strong, anyway, faded completely.

As I already wrote in my last post, Ludwig and I hadn't had much sex the year before, either. That hadn't worried us, though. But this time it was different. Suddenly I had the feeling that something was wrong with us. If this was the right man, why didn't I want to have sex with him? If we were the perfect couple, why was I so worried about the future and felt like I had been caught in a trap?

Of course Ludwig was scared and disturbed as well. I didn't want to hurt him and I was ashamed of my feelings, especially because the insecurity set in at a time when he would have needed my support. So I tried to ignore the thoughts and feelings, not understanding what was going on. I tried to retain a normal sex life, but trying to convince my body that it should be up for something it wasn't up to made it all worse. Suddenly I started having panic attacks when Ludwig and I were physically close, even when we were just cuddling and not having sex.

I am not new to panic attacks, but I couldn't remember having had them in the context of physical closeness. Which was wrong. The occasions had been so rare, though, that I didn't realise at first that there had already been a pattern earlier. As you can imagine, this situation has had a tremendous (negative) influence on our life as a couple and of course we also thought about splitting up. But we didn't.


On our worst day, when we thought that we might not make it as a couple, we first cried a lot and then spent a long afternoon sitting in the sun talking about our relationship and what it meant to us. It was one of the days on which I realised that my mate is also my best friend. And that even in the darkest hour we deeply care for each other and treat each other with love and respect. So, instead of breaking up, we decided to fight and to work on our issues, as individuals and as a couple.

I've learned a lot of new things about myself during the last two years and about the meta-beliefs I have. To make it short, I have a commitment phobia. That's something which isn't uncommon in our society, but I think not many people who have this kind of anxiety realise it. Because often, it doesn't show in form of fear or panic, as in my case, but a simple feeling of uneasiness in a relationship.

There are two types of people with fear of commitment. The active types are the ones who when being in a relationship suddenly have the feeling of being trapped and of losing their freedom. Those people either insist on living in an open relationship or they push their partner away when the relationship becomes too close, start to look at all the things they don't like about their partner and finally decide that he or she (again) simply isn't Mr or Mrs Right and that they should continue their search for the perfect partner. The passive types usually wouldn't even guess that they are suffering from commitment phobia because they are deeply longing for a loving partner. For some reason, though, they always end up with a partner who can't give them the closeness they seek. The thing is, this has nothing to do with bad luck, it is a subconscious choice to protect them, because they couldn't deal with the closeness if they really found it.

As some of you might remember, Ludwig was my first real partner. I always thought that this was because I was picky and hadn't found Mr Right before. Today I am sure that this wasn't a coincidence. It was a protection mechanism. And choosing Ludwig wasn't a coincidence, either. Don't get me wrong, of course the main reason was our wonderful e-mail conversation and the chemistry we felt when we met each other in person. In addition to that we had quite a few interests in common, not only our kink which led to a great first-time spanking experience for me, and I felt that he was on a similar wave length. Plus of course Ludwig turned me on. But there were also a few more parameters which allowed me to take the risk of starting an adult love-relationship for the first time in my life.

Commitment phobia doesn't come up as long as one doesn't have the feeling that the partner wants more closeness than oneself. That was easy for me with Ludwig. First of all, Ludwig was the one who wrote a public blog and wanted to make kinky videos with others when we met. Secondly, we live far away from each other and I constantly had the feeling of seeing him not as often as I wanted to. Plus, Ludwig is a person who needs a lot of personal freedom, too. And he isn't the kind of guy who hastily starts a relationship or insists on a fast progression, which made it easy for me to take one step after another because it all happened on my conditions and in my speed.

In the summer 2013, the conditions had changed. Ludwig talked about moving in together and raising children while I suddenly started to get scared of the prospect. I wasn't in the mood for sex and kink but Ludwig of course still wanted to be close to me, at least from time to time. Ludwig had made almost every experience he longed for kink-wise and was ready to close down the blog and stop making videos, maybe even to stop making any kinky experiences with anyone else but me. But suddenly I longed for more openness and was scared of missing out on important experiences. That was why my fear of commitment broke through at that point.

We even thought about opening up our relationship to solve the problem, but we didn't do it. Because we both felt that it wouldn't have solved the root cause of the problem. It would just have been a way of reducing the symptoms and running away from the real issue.

Instead, we started to learn more about ourselves, each other and us as a couple. We gave each other time and tried to find a way that works for us. I know where my anxiety comes from and that I need to be more closely connected to myself and my needs in order to deal with it. I have also realised that I've made some negative experiences with physical closeness when I was younger and that this is reflected by my kinky fantasies (I'll write a separate post about this topic). I know the triggers and I can communicate them to Ludwig.

Still, the issue isn't solved completely, yet. Physical closeness still is a difficult topic, not to mention kink and sex. As you can imagine, it has been difficult to keep up a kinky blog during the last two years and it still is. Sometimes reading about kinky fantasies makes me very sad because they seem so far away for me. Sometimes kink even scares me.

But the most important thing is that Ludwig and I don't run away from the situation and each other. Ludwig is making good progress with his issues, too. We will soon move in together. Kink and blogging definitely isn't our most important issue right now. But we still have a few more posts to write and videos to post. And I want to write a bit more about commitment phobia, negative (physical) experiences and how that shows in my kinky fantasies. Because I am sure that I am not the only one out there who has made experiences like that and maybe my writing helps others to understand what is going on.

Right now, Ludwig and I are spending some holidays together. My inner struggling is still there but we are having a good time. It's nothing I take for granted. And it is something I am very grateful for.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

A Bedtime Caning


As some of you might have realised, I didn't publish my monthly Kaelah's Corner post in February. The reason is that it is about a difficult topic, so I need some time to think about it and to write it. But I think I've got a compensation which you are going to enjoy! Instead of Kaelah's Corner, I present you the final of the three clips you could vote for on last year's Love Our Lurker's Day.

It is called A Bedtime Caning and the title already says pretty much everything you need to know. Still here are a few words about the clip: A Bedtime Caning is a rather intimate video. At stressful times it can be difficult to fall asleep at night. So we thought that a bedtime caning might help to release some of the tension and make it easier to sleep well. A short OTK-cane seemed to be the most suitable implement for this endeavour. 


Downunder Don, thelongbean and Katie voted for the clip. I hope others will like it, too! By the way, in case some of you ask yourself whether the caning worked. Well, Ludwig slept like a baby afterwards! I still had some trouble to go to sleep, though. But making this clip was fun nonetheless. Maybe a long hand spanking is more suitable when it comes to sleeplessness?

Anyhow, here is the file for you to download:
WMV format, resolution 720 x 576, 86 MB:
Uploaded.net link

(Click on "Free Download", wait for the counter to count down, then solve the captcha and download the file using the button beneath the captcha.)


Have fun, and please leave us a note in the comment section if you like the clip!

Monday, February 23, 2015

Marks Development


The caning that I received on the Valentine's weekend left quite a few visible marks. The picture above shows how my bottom looked like directly after the caning. I got 32 strokes in total (I was supposed to receive 30, but the last two went a bit low and so we decided to repeat them for the clip). I love the accurate lines which are almost evenly spread over my whole bottom.


It seems that the marks are going to stay with me for a while and I decided to share some pictures with you for those who are interested in how cane marks develop over time. The second picture shows my bottom on the next morning. Quite a few dark blue spots which prove that the caning wasn't about love taps. And you can still see some of the typical lines which the cane produces.


Another day later and in a slightly different light the bruises looked even a bit darker than on the morning directly after the scene. In case some of you are wondering, no, my bottom didn't hurt despite of the strong marking. Actually, it usually only hurts during the caning, afterwards I only feel the bruises slightly when sitting down on a hard chair.


The last picture was taken yesterday, exactly one week after the caning. As you can see, the marks have started to fade. I guess after another week the most visible bruises will be gone. I have to say that for me the marks are the most beautiful directly after a caning. The dark bruises aren't really sexy in my view. But I like to take pictures of them nonetheless because they serve as a reminder that a caning was of a certain severity.

How about you? Are you a marks fetishist? Which kinds of marks do you like best?

Thursday, February 19, 2015

It's No Fun

It's no fun. But what would our children think of us otherwise?

As this cartoon which I have found on Spiegel Online shows, life has become tough for vanillas nowadays. Of course this is just a funny exaggeration. Still, I have to admit that I indeed preferred the times when kink was simply something for those who were really into it...

Sunday, February 15, 2015

A Creative Valentine's Weekend


Hope all those of you who enjoy this holiday had a great Valentine's Day and those of you who don't celebrate it had a nice weekend nonetheless. Ludwig and I did none of the typical things couples do on Valentine's Day. No overpriced flowers, no chocolate (we've been working on getting rid of the one or other pound and becoming fitter during the last weeks and don't want to spoil the results) and no Valentine's dinner in an overcrowded restaurant.

Instead, we stayed at home and worked on a new kinky clip the whole weekend. We had toyed around with a certain storyline for a few weeks and decided that this was something we wanted to bring to life before closing down our blog. It actually took us about twenty hours of preparation and filming because we wanted to get it perfectly right.


I guess one could say that this is far too much effort for an erotic clip. It's much more than professional producers can invest, because for them time is money. But then again, they have people working behind the camera, which means they are much faster than the two of us. We set the scene, position the cameras, do the acting, and then check the footage to see if everything looked okay. Then we repeat the whole process for the next scene, then again for the scene after that... I suppose most viewers won't even notice all the details, like a character wearing two different ties in two scenes which are supposed to take place on different days. Or the little quotes we put in as homages to spanking and mainstream films we like. But, these little things matter to us, so in my opinion it was a good thing to invest that much time.

It's the first time we used two full HD cameras, so the footage will be much sharper than our older clips. Since the action was proper enough as well and left some dark red cane stripes and welts on my rarely spanked bottom, I suppose this will also satisfy the "I don't care for storylines, I am here for the action only" faction. I have to admit that I am very happy with the resulting footage (which happens rather rarely) and I am looking forward to editing and publishing the clip. Which will surely take some time, given that we have about seven or eight hours of raw material.


In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the first brand new screenshots and a short introduction of the scenario: Edward Tillinghast leads a very traditional all-male university. When the board makes the decision to experiment with new ways and appoint the first female professor, he is surprised and delighted to discover that the new member of staff is none other than his old university friend Patrizia Hartmann. But what about the students and the “old boy's club”? Will they accept the new professor as well? And how about the regulations for CP which is still administered at this university? Should a female professor hand out CP as well? Will Patrizia decide to learn how to wield a cane? Quite a few questions which the board hasn't really thought through. Questions that will soon be answered after Miss Hartmann's arrival, though!

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Traditional School Houses


While school girl scenarios might not be among my most popular fantasies, I still have a thing for old school houses. The one on the top of this post is a traditional school house that I visited in Germany. See the canes on the table? I find the one in the middle very impressive. To me it looks like a real thick branch from a local tree which was peeled, except for the part that it used as the handle. I bet it produces more thud than its peeled rattan brothers and sisters.


By the way, I wasn't the only one who showed an interest in the canes that day. For some minutes the barrier which kept the visitors away from the front of the school room had accidentally been left open and so everyone thought it was okay to take a closer look. Thus I watched quite a few people picking up one of the canes, explaining how the canes were used and even pretending to use them. Quite a strange view for a spanko at such a public place!


The second school house is one Ludwig and I came across during one of our holiday trips. I love the lectern in front of the classroom with the candles! And I like the fact that the wall, the floor and almost everything is wooden in this classroom.

In a museum, Ludwig and I also found this depiction of a school scene. One could pull the string that leads to the teacher's hand to let him raise his stick. I wonder who had that idea?


The interesting question kink-wise is of course, where do I see myself in such a classroom? Maybe in front of the black board like in this picture which we took in yet another museum? Well, I have to admit that I enjoy the idea of being a teacher. I love to give trainings in real life and in a kinky context my toppy side would be pleased as well.


Of course being the naughty school girl that I never was could have a certain appeal as well. Playing pranks with my fellow classmates, knowing that this will most probably lead to painful consequences for all of us.


In my fantasy school house I definitely want a traditional blackboard, wooden tables and a lectern if possible. Plus school uniforms of course. While they weren't common in Germany, they are certainly part of my kinky school fantasies. And I want a mixed school class, or, even better, an all-boys school into which I have sneaked disguised as one of them (definitely no pigtails then).


How about you? What would your perfect kinky school house look like? And which role would you play? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section!