Thursday, October 8, 2015

Informed Spanking

In my recent post From Bottom to Top I wrote about how my experiences as a bottom helped me to grow into the role of a top. In the comments section, both Simon and Gustofur explained how their journey had led them from topping only to being on the receiving end of spankings, too. Simon proposed that his experiences as a bottom in his view also made him a more considerate top.

I have said before that for several reasons I prefer playing with tops who are willing to switch. I don't want to indicate that "pure" tops can't be considerate, but in my opinion having experienced a spanking on the other end of the cane or strap or whatever can indeed be helpful. So, the least I expect from a top is knowledge of what a certain implement feels like and how severe it is compared to others. Of course, that can be learned on a theoretical level only, but in my mind the best way is to try out the implement oneself.

Which is why I was happy to have the chance to try out a birch for the very first time during our Guerilla Filmmaking experience last Sunday, because chances are good that I will administer the one or other birching during the upcoming weekend. After my first experience I told Ludwig: "I certainly won't start too rapidly with this implement." Of course it has to be taken into account that different bottoms have different preferences, pain thresholds and limits. But now I know from personal experience that despite its innocent looks and the rather soft marks that it produces, a birch is definitely on the severe end of implements. Thus I can dish out what I would call an informed birching.

And since I am a very considerate person, I wanted to return the favour and give Ludwig the chance to make the same informative experience. Which is (the only selfless reason) why I suggested that I would try out two or three strokes on him, too, after we had returned home from our video shoot.

Ludwig thought he remembered that he had tried out a birch with one of the professional dominatrices whom he visited when he started living out his kink. But since he wasn't 100 per cent sure and obviously didn't remember how a birching feels like, I insisted that a refresher was a good idea. Plus, it would also allow me to practise how to handle a birch as a top.

Ludwig hat a lot of work to do, so when we arrived home, he quickly went back to work. He didn't get much stuff done, though, because I turned up at the door, slapping the birch against the palm of my hand. Ludwig turned around and looked at me questioningly. "Time for our try-out session", I told him.

Ludwig sighed. "Right now?" I nodded. And so he followed me to the bedroom, stepped out of his trousers and underpants and bent over the bed. I didn't have much space to swing, but it turned out that I didn't need to. After the first stroke, Ludwig exclaimed: "Ouch, that fucking thing hurts like hell!" I smiled and replied: "And I haven't even used it with much force. Plus, your first hits came in a much quicker succession when we filmed the clip." With that I added two more strokes, one right after the other. Ludwig jumped up. "Ouch, this thing is horrible! Okay, that's enough of an impression."

He grabbed his pants and got ready to put them on. By now, my inner sadist had been awakened, though. So I grabbed the pants in Ludwig's hands and tried to take them away from him. "You can have them back after ten strokes", I told him. "But you said two or three strokes as a try-out", replied Ludwig, "I am not in the mood for being spanked." He tried to pull his pants out of my hands but I didn't let go. After some moments of struggling (and me maybe mentioning that I had taken a lot more strokes and wanted to have some fun, too), Ludwig gave in.

He went back over the bed and I got to administer seven more strokes accompanied by some beautiful reactions from Ludwig. He also told me when the birch was wrapping around a bit too much or tips of the branches hit the middle crease of his bottom. That seems to be a special problem of that implement because the twigs have different lengths. So the birching really had some learning effects for me, too, aside from the fun. Afterwards Ludwig exclaimed that the birch was almost worse than the cane. Which reassured me that I hadn't been wimpy when I had been on the receiving end.

So, I think we can now both dish out an informed birching, should we get to do so next weekend or some time in the future. And of course I am glad that I could help Ludwig out. I am always ready to selflessly offer him that service. After all, "informed spankings" are very important in my view!

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Guerilla Filmmaking

Today Ludwig and I shot my blogiversary clip. Thank you very much to all of you who participated in the vote! The final tally added up to the round number of 30 strokes. I hope you will enjoy the resulting clip (which might take a few weeks to edit, but I'll try to finish that task as quickly as possible).

In order to make the video, Ludwig and I stood up at 6 am. Ludwig said he couldn't remember the last time he had got up so early on a Sunday morning. Me neither. But special occasions require special measures.

Our first excursion - it was still completely dark - led us to a birch tree where we cut branches (you know what for). Then we went back home and packed all the things which we would need for the shoot. I had ordered a new dress especially for this video because I always wanted to make an outdoor clip in an elvish dress. Before we left, I freed the birch twigs from their leaves and bound them together in a nice, fresh birch.

The main task now was to find a spot that looked nice, held enough space to set up the cameras and was secluded enough to protect us from being seen by passersby. We didn't know such a space and hoped for good luck. Our second problem: It was raining quite heavily. But the weather forecast said that the weather was supposed to be better in a region nearby. The map told us that there were some small forests in that region, too. So we decided to try our luck.

When we arrived, the night had gone completely, but it was still raining a bit and there was no sunlight to see. We went on a little hiking trip and found a place that, while not being perfect, suited our purpose. In the meantime, the rain had indeed stopped so that we could set up our equipment. We had to hurry a bit, though, because we weren't sure that the area was as secluded as we would have liked it to be.

I had never been birched before, so I was very curious to find out how it feels like. That's why I chose this implement for the clip, despite of other good suggestions which had been made by some of the commenters.

As I already mentioned in my blogiversary post, it wasn't my intention to do an extremely severe scene this time, since Ludwig and I already have another severe caning video in line (I will tell you more about that one soon). A birch seemed to be the right implement for the purpose of a medium severe scene, since the German Wikipedia article says that the birch was replaced by the cane in schools because canes were more severe and didn't need to be applied to the bare bottom in order to make an impression. I should have looked at the English article of course, which explains how much the birch was dreaded, for instance, amongst prisoners!

The only time I had tried how a birch feels like was when I had made one for my Santa Claus pictures. This birch was made of branches from some bush, though, which were quite dry. Twigs were flying around everywhere when I tried it on myself. The strokes didn't hurt all that much, although the tips easily caused little bloody spots.

I expected that the experience with our new, real birch would be similar. How completely wrong I was! That f***ing little b**ch
1 hurt like hell. There was no shredding at all since the twigs were still completely fresh and bendable. There were no extreme marks and no blood-drawing, either. There was only pain. Lots of pain. I guess the fact that it wasn't exactly warm outside didn't help, either.

Ludwig was so worried that we might get caught that he dished out the first eight strokes  at a fairly high speed until I cut because the pain became overwhelming. There was no chance that I could take 30 strokes like that without being a complete mess afterwards. I told Ludwig and he continued with a slightly lower speed and less impact. It still hurt, but it was bearable.

When it was over, I took a short look at the footage. I realised that the position I had been in wasn't the most favourable one given the shape of my bottom and the fact that I suffer from cellulite as many women do. In addition to that, I was of the opinion that the later strokes looked too tame on video (important insight: birches aren't good implements for spanking videos – while they sting like hell, they don't easily leave strong marks and don't really look severe). I told Ludwig, who was already taking down the cameras, about my observations.

"I want to repeat at least the last strokes", I said to him. "Why didn't you make up your mind right away?" he asked, "Then I wouldn't have taken down all the equipment already..." As you can imagine, Ludwig wasn't too happy about the prospect of setting everything up again, spending significantly more time on the site and risking being caught. But he obliged. He knows me well enough to be aware of how grumpy I am when I am not happy with the result of something I have put lots of effort into.

So, we set the cameras up again and started a second time, beginning at stroke eleven. At first, I accidentally started counting in German instead of English, so we had to start over a second time. The strokes were severe again this time and I had to struggle through them, crying out and hissing the whole time. But when we were done and I took a short look at the footage, I was content.

Of course, the footage isn't perfect, but that's the drawback of guerilla filmmaking. There is no time to set the cameras up for a perfect angle, there is no time to wait for the perfect light (there was no sunlight at all during the shoot, in fact it started raining again at the end) and the the sound is far from perfect, too, unless you have an external microphone.

We will try to make the best out of the footage and I am positive that we will find a way to enhance the sound a bit, too. I hope I will be happy with the resulting clip (still not content with the looks of the first ten strokes) and I hope you will like it, too.

By the way, I later tried the birch on Ludwig as well. After all, my sadistic side needs some attention, too! The test proved that I hadn't been wimpy. In fact, Ludwig said that in his opinion, the birch we made is worse than a cane. I'll tell you more about that little scene in my next post. For now, I hope you enjoy the preview pictures from our outdoor blogiversary clip.

 1 fascinating little branch

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Kaelah's Corner (Sep 2015):
From Bottom to Top

As you might have realised from some of my recent posts, it seems that I have developed more of a toppy mindset than when I began to practise erotic spanking. Of course, not every bottom goes through this kind of change, as, for instance, Erica Scott has pointed out eloquently in several of her posts. But it doesn't seem an uncommon development. And I have wondered what drives this kind of change.

When I think back to my first kinky fantasies, I was usually only an observer. I think I identified more with the bottoms than with the tops in my fantasy scenarios, but I still imagined the scene from both points of view.

Later, when I started out trying spanking for real with Ludwig, it was clear to me that I would make my first experiments as a bottom. The idea of being spanked turned me on and I wanted to be guided through the experience. I always used to top a lot from the bottom, as is for instance obvious in our account of our very first scene together. But I also sought the experience of letting myself fall, and that is only possible as a bottom.

Part of my kink is about being accepted and admired for something I do, which is most probably the main reason why I live out my kink so publicly and write a blog. Doing certain scenes (for instance, the more severe ones), made me feel strong and granted me Ludwig's and the audience's admiration. Our first scene wasn't an initiation ritual for no reason, and I very much enjoyed the experience of collecting more and more experiences and becoming an active member of the online spanking community.

I think that having achieved a certain level of experience as a bottom was what finally made it possible for me to also try myself as a top. By then I felt comfortable enough to take over control, which proved to be something that gives me pleasure as well. I had done enough scenes as a bottom, some rather explicitly for Ludwig, thus I felt I could ask something from him in return.

Again, the idea of being trusted enough from someone to be accepted as a top and to be allowed to be in control was an idea that turned me on. That's why it was especially thrilling to have Ludwig switch for me, because he is mostly a top and only switches on rare occasions for people he deeply trusts. Therefore, topping also gave me a feeling of strength and was another role in which I could gain experience, acceptance and maybe even admiration.

Today, I see myself as a real switch. In my intimate sexual play, my fantasies are mostly bottom fantasies, which I think has to do with the fact that these fantasies allow me to be more passive, to let go and focus on my own pleasure. In my more formal fantasies and role-play scenes, I prefer the role of a top now. I like the feeling of power, of being in control and of others trusting me. Playing on both sides can make me feel strong and accepted, especially when it is in public or accounts, pictures or videos of it are posted on our blog.

So I think that the shift from bottom to top has something to do with experience and the feeling of having done enough things on the bottom side to become a trustworthy top who can lead others. In my kinky and my vanilla fantasies, the main characters also usually make that development from student to teacher, cadet to instructor or the like.

Maybe the shift also has to do with the fact that pain doesn't really turn me on anymore and that I therefore don't seek it out often in my kinky play nowadays. That's a topic I want to cover in a separate post, though. For today, I would love to hear your experiences with changing (or not changing) preferences and roles in your kinky play. For those who switched from the bottom role more into the top role: Do you have any explanation for that shift? I would love to hear about your thoughts in the comment section!

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Military Discipline Fantasies (Part 2)

This is the second part of our photo set shot in a military fort. You can find the first half of the pictures here.

In one of the bunkers on the side, Ludwig and I tried to picture how kinky military discipline in the quarters of young cadets might have looked. Since the space was only sparsely furnished, a stool would probably have to do as a bench to bend over.

Spankings would surely have been on the bare bottom, either with the hand for minor infractions or with a whip or cane for more serious offences.

And in the first weeks especially, the view of well-chastised cadets kneeling on a stool in a corner, contemplating their misdeeds, would surely have been a common one.

Afterwards, many of them would have slept with a very sore bottom. All in the name of order and discipline. It's not like any of the instructors secretly enjoyed their duty. Or some of the cadets the very special views they got of their fellow mates...

Speaking of spankings and views - if you want to participate in the vote for my blogiversary spanking, you still have the chance to do so until Sunday 23:59 h German time!

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Kaelah's Corner (Aug 2015):
The Dirty Halfdozen

I've been away and didn't have access to the blog, hence a very belated edition of Kaelah's Corner. And a special one, too, because this edition marks my sixth blogiversary. I didn't expect to reach this mark, but Ludwig is so extremely busy right now that we don't manage to edit our final videos and posts and so this blog continues for a bit longer than planned.

I thought about what I could do to celebrate my blogiversary and decided to follow a good old tradition. We will make another (most probably final) blogiversary clip in cooperation with our readers and commenters. It won't be an extremely severe clip because we already have one final severe caning with me on the receiving end in the queue. But I would like to do something very dear to my heart this time – an outdoor clip! I don't know whether we will find a good, safe environment for this purpose, but we will try.

To thank especially those who have been active commenters throughout the last six years, the rules will be as follows: Every commenter on this post will add one stroke to the tally, plus one stroke for every of my last five blogiversary posts and my first-ever post six years ago you commented on. Comments have ceased in the last months, so I am curious to see how many strokes I will get.

I haven't decided on an implement, yet, so I would like to hear your suggestions. Which implement do you think fits best? In my opinion, it should be something that suits an outdoor scene.

Many thanks to all of you who have accompanied me and Ludwig through the past six years (or a part of that time)! Writing a blog would be dull without readers and commenters.

Comments will be counted until Sunday the 27th September 23:59 h German time, so don't post your comment too late! I look forward to hearing from you. (Update: Please give yourself some kind of nickname in your comment, I can't count anonymous comments.)

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Military Discipline Fantasies (Part 1)

A while ago, Ludwig and I had the chance to visit a Cold War field fortification. Luckily, the weapon systems stationed there never had to be used. Today, the whole facility makes for a very interesting museum.

While the idea of people killing each other in war makes me sad, the idea of military discipline is a hot one in the context of kinky fantasies. And so I couldn't resist the temptation to use the old systems for a much more peaceful and sexy purpose than the one they were originally made for. I don't know how long we stayed there exactly, but it was quite some time and we took a huge bunch of pictures!

Bending over like in the picture above would have been rather dangerous, had the gun still been in use. It would be a nice position for a caning or whipping, though, in my view.

This is not exactly a spanking position, but still a familiar one in the world of BDSM. I love the combination of nature and machinery.

While the pictures, or at least the ones shown here, aren't very explicit (hey, there were other people around!), I still like them very much. Okay, despite of the other visitors I couldn't refrain from having Ludwig take a few naughtier photos when no one could see us. I'll show you those in a follow-up post, soon.

Well, except for this one, which is already a bare bottom picture. I guess this position is much safer than the one in front of the barrel. Seems to be quite suitable for a spanking, too, though. Hope you enjoyed the pictures. If you like them, there is more to come!

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Kaelah's Corner (Jul 2015)
A Towel to Wipe Away the Tears

I entered the small establishment leaving the heat outside behind me. Without the need for instructions, I took off my shoes and put on a pair of slippers. I was greeted by two petite women. Quickly, I made my way to the lady's room to make sure I was well prepared for what was about to come. When I returned, I was led to a small compartment, already familiar to me from earlier visits.

It was spartanly equipped and I instantly spotted the one size fits all uniform which lay there waiting for me. I stepped out of my clothes and put on the trousers and the shirt. It covered my modesty, but the thin fabric didn't offer much protection. "Are you ready?" The call came from outside. "Almost." I pinned up my hair to get it out of the way and positioned myself face down on the mattress and closed my eyes.

One of the women entered the room. She had already been doing the job for quite a while, but today, she would only be watching, learning new techniques from the mistress herself. "I'm sorry, today it will be painful with her", she said, sounding serious. Then she joked: "Here is a towel for the tears." I looked up and replied: "Oh, and I thought it would be something to bite on." While the mood was a playful one, I knew that the comment about the upcoming pain was indeed correct. The idea of being a demonstration object scared me a bit, but I knew I was in experienced hands.

Then she entered the room. The session started. My whole body was game. She started with the feet and then went to the legs. The back of my legs is extremely sensitive and soon, I was thinking about safewording. Breath in the pain, breath out of the pain, I repeated in my head in order to calm myself down. My legs were soon on fire, even more so because of the hot cream that was used. It was clear that I would keep a few marks for the next several days.

The apprentice watched eagerly. She remarked how brave I was. From time to time I could see a glimpse of sympathy in her eyes. Not so in the mistress's actions. Quite the opposite: having found a spot I strongly reacted to always seemed to motivate her to pay even more attention to that area.

Most of the time I didn't understand what was said because it was in a foreign language. But I did understand the German instructions that were meant for me. So, I changed my position as ordered, put my hands behind my head, bent down and pulled off the shirt so that the mistress could pay attention to my bare shoulders and back. Sometimes the pain seemed unbearable. Then it took away my breath and made me tap my fingers or wriggle my legs. Sometimes the pain mingled with pleasure as I relaxed.

And finally it was over. Balm to reduce the pain was massaged into the skin on my back. I had survived. And I hadn't needed a towel to wipe away the tears. The whole session had lasted for almost one and a half hours. Without looking at the watch I would not have been able to tell, though. I thanked the mistress and was left alone again in order to get dressed.

When I left the compartment, I was greeted with: "Your tea is already waiting for you." It was time for the aftercare. I paid for my session first and directly made a new appointment. Then I snuggled into the cozy relax armchair and sipped my tea, feeling calm, happy and relaxed.

The next visitors, a young couple, were already waiting for their turn. They were led to the compartments. While I was still slowly sipping my tea, I could hear the woman moan and cry out gently. That's the normal background sound around here, I thought. When I was finished with my tea, I put back the tray and changed the slippers for my shoes. With a final farewell I left the establishment, greeted be the hot sun outside.

In the evening, while lying in bed with my muscles aching, I told Ludwig about my session on the phone. "A towel for the tears? That's cool." He laughed. "If that were a BDSM studio and not a Thai massage studio, the boss would surely be the most dreaded dominatrix", he remarked.

I am sure he is right. Especially because she has a few sayings which would suit a dominatrix very well, too. For instance: "I know it hurts. It must. Because then things will be getting better." Or: "You can scream if you like." And finally: "If you cry, I'll keep on laughing." To be fair, she also frequently apologizes for causing so much pain. And, it doesn't hurt all the time. Some parts of the massage are also pleasurable and relaxing.

And she is really good at her job. The massage helps me with my shoulder problems and makes me more bendable again. Plus, coming to the studio is like coming home. For one hour or more I feel very cared for and closely attended to. Afterwards I am as calm as I rarely am. Going to the massage is like an island in my everyday life, a time just for myself and a place to let go.

Thinking about it, that means it resembles the experience of going to a BDSM studio even more, I guess. I surely don't mind all the talk about pain and the hissing and moaning that can be heard almost every time I am there.