Sunday, July 3, 2016

Kaelah's Corner (Jun 2016):
Risk-Aware Consensual Kink

Welcome to another slightly belated edition of Kaelah's Corner. Recently Erica Scott published a post on a well-written article about BDSM called 25 Facts About BDSM That You Won’t Learn In “Fifty Shades Of Grey”. I enjoyed reading it and I even learned something new – and that not even from the article itself but from one of the comments written by zaftigkitten. Casey Gueren, the writer of the article, referred to the acronym SSC (safe, sane and consensual).

Zaftigkitten commented: The SSC isn’t the most common acronym anymore. Most of the community has shifted to RACK (Risk-aware consensual kink, also risk-accepted consensual kink) which describes the philosophical view that is generally permissive of certain risky sexual behaviors, as long as the participants are fully aware of the risks. Essentially, although SSC sounds good, a lot of kinks do involve risks involved and it is much safer to acknowledge said risks when diving into the BDSM realm.

I have to admit that this was the first time I stumbled across the acronym RACK. While I think that SSC is easier to remember and understand, especially for beginners (a point also made by TheLittleRedHeadThatCould), RACK in my opinion is more precise and correct when it comes to describing what is important when engaging in BDSM activities. Because practising BDSM, as many other things in life, involves certain risks and there is no 100 per cent safety.

Plus, what feels sane to one person might already be off-limit for another person. The latter in my mind is one of the problems you often find in discussions about kink – people judge certain practises or a certain level of severity from their personal preferences and limits. What would feel bad or be harmful to them, given their personality and life experiences, can't be sane in their view, even if others say that to them it isn't harmful at all.

The term of risk-awareness takes into account that different people have different preferences when it comes to the amount of risks they want to take. And it also means that for some people it can be okay to take a greater risk from time to time because the outcome for them that comes from a certain scene is so huge that the balance between profit and risk is given. Also, the very same activity might hold a different amount of risk or potential damage for different people – for instance, going to a public spanking party and being outed as a spanko might be much more of a problem for a famous politician than for someone who isn't watched by the media.

Risk-awareness can mean for some kinksters that they only live out their fantasies in their head or by watching kinky porn or reading kinky blogs. For others it means practising their kink with their partner in their private bedroom. Still others take the risk of looking for a play partner online or going to a public party. And finally there are the few who almost dedicate their whole lives to kink and activities around it – like Pandora Blake whose existence was threatened when ATVOD forced her to take down her ethical trade porn site Dreams of Spanking. Fortunately, she found work for other kinky sites during the trial and used the time to enhance her political activities even more. Now that she has won her appeal, Dreams of Spanking has been re-opened which is wonderful news. But Pandora definitely took a rather huge risk when deciding to create a business around kinky porn in an environment which is as kink-unfriendly politically as the UK.

The risks we are willing to take can also vary depending on the situation. When I met Ludwig for the very first time I had scheduled two safety calls, even though well-known members of the community like Niki Flynn had already testified that Ludwig wasn't some kind of strange, dangerous weirdo. Still, when meeting a guy I didn't know personally, I wanted to be as cautious as possible. Later, I decided to put my face on the internet and join Ludwig in filming and posting spanking porn. Of course that comes with a certain risk of being outed and some people would surely call it insane – even more so because I didn't earn any money from it (rather the opposite). But the idea of making that special experience together was so attractive and the possible damage from being outed so low for me personally that I decided to take the risk.

And not only kink – our whole life is based on taking certain risks instead of trying to stick to 100 per cent safety or complete sanity. For instance, telling someone that one has fallen in love with them certainly isn't really safe, as everyone who had to take a “Sorry, but I don't feel the same for you.” as an answer can testify. Flying to the moon – certainly not 100 per cent safe for the pioneers who went there for the very first time. And giving birth to a child – probably not a very sane decision given all the terror, war and environmental problems we are facing in different regions of our planet. But a decision without which humanity would already have become extinct a long time ago, since life never was very safe on our planet.

What about you? Does the acronym RACK resonate with you? Do you prefer SSC? And what does risk awareness mean to you in the context of kink? I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comment section!

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Kinky Russia (Part 3):
A Hotel Room Fantasy

This is the third and last part of our photo sets from our trip with the Trans-Siberian Railway through Russia. You can find the first two parts here and here.

He had already left a while ago. But her head was still spinning. She replayed the evening in her mind, re-enacting the various stages of the session. How she had waited for him, lying on the bed, completely nude. Anticipation.

How he had told her to put on her panty hose (and nothing else) at his arrival, only to pull it down again roughly to expose her bare bottom after he had bent her over the desk. How the cane strokes had rained down one after another on her naked skin, slowly and systematically. How she had hissed and struggled, but managed to stay in position. Pain.

How he had ordered her to stand up and kneel on the chair in the corner of the room, her hands behind her back, the panty hose still pulled down, exposing her marked buttocks. How he had sat down on the bed and she had felt his eyes resting upon her, admiring his handiwork. Silence.

How he had come over to her, lifted her up and carried her to the bed. How he had stroked her, as she was lying there, whispering words of appraisal into her ear. How he had finally stood up with the promise to return the following week, taking a last look at her, still lying curled up on the bed the panty hose in a puddle on the floor, in the mirror before he left. Bliss.

She stood up, grabbed the panty hose and walked over to the mirror. She looked at herself, smiling proudly. Never had she felt as sexy and womanly as she did these days. This was the best way she had ever decided to spend her money. And he really seemed to like his job, too. A perfect arrangement.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Kaelah's Corner (May 2016):

May has been a very busy month, so there haven't been any posts from us. But I don't want to skip Kaelah's Corner, so here is at least a short post.

Ludwig and I had a wonderful honeymoon! Not many kinky stories this time, but I took the picture above in a museum. Can you guess from the picture where we spent our honeymoon? If you can, I think you can take that as a reconfirmation that you are really kinky...

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Kaelah's Corner (Apr 2016):
Locomotive Breath

The process of moving in together is now almost complete, seven years after Ludwig and I became a couple. A few days ago, I left Ludwig's old place for the very last time. Being the sentimental person that I am, this was an occasion which made me very sad.

I walked through the rooms one more time, remembering all the events that took place here. One thing that comes to my mind when I think about Ludwig's place is my first visit, shortly after we had seen each other in person for the very first time. How I looked around excitedly and a bit nervously, recognizing a cane lying in one corner of the room we sat in and wondering which kinds of kinky implements Ludwig might possess other than canes and whether he would show them to me.

I also tried to find out more about who Ludwig was and remember that I was of course curious to see, for instance, which kinds of books were on his bookshelf. We talked almost the whole time during the two days I visited Ludwig and did some sightseeing as well. I was so overwhelmed that I got a stomach-ache when we ate dinner at one of Ludwig's favourite restaurants before I left on the second day. At that time, most of our conversation was about kink, since that's how we had found each other and since I was thinking about making my first spanking experience with Ludwig.

Another important memory is of the day when we fell asleep together in one bed for the very first time. We hadn't planned for that to happen. At that time we were still just friends and Ludwig had put up a separate sleeping place for me. But then we went to sleep together in his bed, cuddled around each other.

I also remember the uncountable times I arrived for a weekend together either by car or by train, in which case Ludwig always came to the station to welcome me. The many days we were having breakfast and supper together, sitting at the dining table, talking about kink and vanilla topics, getting to know each other better and better. Coming to Ludwig always meant a few days off for me, a time for walks, little excursions, evenings with friends and relaxation.

Of course there were difficult times, too. I also remember the afternoon when we were cuddling on the couch, both being very sad, because we talked about splitting up and it wasn't clear whether I would ever return after leaving at the end of the weekend. Later, Ludwig quickly packed away the extra sheets on the bed before I had even left because, as he told me, he wouldn't be able to stand the sight of them after I was gone, not knowing whether I would ever come back to use them again.

And then there were our first sexual and kinky experiences together, some of which we shared in this place as well. Some were immortalised on photo and of course we have vanilla pictures and videos of the place, too. But still it makes me sad to know that I won't be able to simply walk in there anymore and relive some of the memories from the beginning of our relationship.

On the day I left, the weather was warm and the sun shining brightly. Ludwig and I went for a last walk along one of the routes we had walked so often over the years. One of the cats from the neighbourhood came over to say farewell. And then it was time for me to leave.

I think it was good that I was travelling by train this time. Because otherwise I might a) not have been able to force myself to leave (having had to catch a certain train made it easier), b) have been a danger to others driving a car, given how tearful I was when I left and c) have cried even more driving through the town for the very last time, slowly but steadily getting further and further away from the place I called my second home for seven years.

Ludwig brought me to the train station and we said goodbye. He was staying behind to settle a few more things before the place would be handed over to its next inhabitant. I went to our new place alone, of course knowing that Ludwig would follow me, soon.

You know, the strange thing is, that of course rationally everything is fine. Ludwig and I will live together, not having to travel between his place and my place anymore, but calling our new place our common home. We are married. And we look forward to a new time in life with great new opportunities and adventures lying ahead of us. We even managed to have our closest family members nearby at our new place!

But still I was sad when I gazed at my train ticket which looked like so many I had bought before, showing the destination that had always meant visiting Ludwig and sharing a few days off with him. It reminded me of the song Locomotive Breath by Jethro Tull, one of my favourite bands. I thought about the question what home means and about origin and roots. And I wrote this post on the train, tearing up more than once, using this as a way to process what was going on.

One thing is certain, life constantly changes and there is no way to stop or slow down the train. What we can do, though, is see the chances and opportunities which are awaiting us at every station along the way. And keeping the happy memories from the past in our hearts.

I know we will come back a lot for holiday weekends to visit friends, enjoy relaxing walks and go for little excursions. We might even be more mindful knowing that we won't be there every other weekend. And we will build us a new home together, OUR little home.
In any case, it's not like everything from our old life is gone now. Many of our books, some of the furniture and of course the kinky implements have moved with us. I think we should be able to feel at home like that.

Friday, April 22, 2016

In Court (Part 2):

This is the second part of my report about our adventures at the Spanking Gerichtshof (spanking court) which Ludwig and I visited last year. You can find the first part here.

(Of course Ludwig and I also tried out the court bench and the implements as part of our preparation. Thanks to FJ for the picture.)

The event was very well organised by Donpascual aka Ramon Herzog. All charges were written down in advance and sent to the judges which helped us to prepare for the job. Sometimes they also included suggestions for the verdicts. The ideas for the storylines were often created by the soon-to-be defendants themselves, sometimes assisted by their partners (who usually called for a harsh punishment). In case the accused came to the event without a partner, another attendee was assigned to play the role of the prosecutor, so that almost everyone who actively participated in the event found themselves in both roles. Some of the crimes described in the indictments showed a lot of creativity and love for detail (even pictures taken by surveillance cameras were sometimes attached as evidence of what had happened).

There were also a few requests for special punishments from the participants or their partners which were taken into account as long as those who were supposed to carry our said punishments were comfortable with it. For instance, there were requests for an OTK spanking, a cavity search, a male punisher (for a male miscreant) and a birching on the legs. Ludwig and I read the indict and the special requirements and I gave Donpascual a feedback which law suits I felt comfortable leading as a new judge and which kind of punishments I was willing to carry out as a bailiff.

Since Ludwig isn't really into M/M spankings, Donpascual volunteered to do the M/M scene. It was the first one ever which I had the chance to watch live. As those of you who know how much I am into M/M scenes can imagine, that was a really daunting prospect. It was clear to me that I wouldn't do the cavity search (too intimate) and that I didn't feel comfortable birching someone on the legs, either. I wasn't sure about the OTK spanking and told Donpascual that I had to see whether the chemistry with the potential victim was good enough to make me feel comfortable with that slightly more intimate position.

As I always say, it is important that a top's limits are respected as much as those of the bottom. And since I was a normal participant at the party who paid like anyone else, I didn't feel obliged to fulfil any requests I wasn't 100 per cent happy with. That proved not to be a problem at all during the event, though, and all special requests were indeed fulfilled. But I'll tell you more about that later in the part of my series that covers the actual event.

Before we went to the party, Ludwig and I had a few more things to organise, though. There was a dress code for the members of the court which meant black clothes combined with a white tie that would get a batch showing the Spanking Court logo. Fortunately, I didn't need a judge's robe. I could borrow one from Donpascual (it's a mess that I don't have a picture that shows me wearing it). So, we got all our stuff together, packed a bag with the things we needed and were ready for the big day.

When the day had come, we met our friend Fenris and drove to the location together. I definitely wasn't as nervous as I had been when I went to a spanking party for the very first time. But it was clear that this time, I would be much more active than I usually am at spanking events and that I would play with a number of strangers, albeit not as a bottom (I wouldn't have been comfortable with that). Furthermore, the nature of the event would require role-playing skills and I didn't really know what to expect, for instance concerning the participants, the overall tone and the severity of the punishments. Concerning the aspect of severity I knew that I am not a love-taps only type as a top, but it was of course clear that I would only top at a level of severity that would allow me to safely administer a punishment. One thing I wasn't really sure about, either, was how it would be for Ludwig and me to play with others again after a two-year-period of purposefully not having done that. But this is the story for a separated Kaelah's Corner post.

So, we went on the road, ready for adventures and curious what the day would bring.
(To be continued...)

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Kinky Russia (Part 2):
Lake Baikal

This is the second part of our photo sets from our trip with the Trans-Siberian Railway through Russia. You can find the first part with kinky hotel room pictures here.


Lake Baikal is a rift lake in Southern Siberia. It is one of the must-sees in Russia and one of the stops almost everyone who travels the Trans-Siberian Railway on a holiday trip makes.

We stayed for a few days and went on a little hiking trip to get a better view of the lake from above. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, causing the ripples on the lake to sparkle. When we found a slightly secluded space where the risk of being seen by others was very small, we (okay, mainly I) decided to take some kinky pictures in this wonderful environment.

I hope you enjoy them!

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2016):
On Being Mr and Mrs Rohrstock-Palast

Yes, it's true, folks! Ludwig and I are finally married. While other couples split up after seven years, we decided it was a good time to take the next step.

As you can imagine, I am not the princess type. So, there were no white horses, no carriage, no heart-shaped balloons (or white doves) or any of that stuff. Just a little ceremony followed by a party with family and friends, involving good food, lovely conversation and lots of (progressive) rock and metal music.

I didn't wear a white wedding dress, either. First of all, I don't see why I should spend so much money on a dress which I only wear once in my life. Second, white is a colour that doesn't suit me. And third, wearing a white wedding dress (the colour of innocence) simply would have been a lie! :-) So, I wore my Chinese wedding dress which harmonized wonderfully with the bridal bouquet in warm colours that Ludwig had chosen. Ludwig wore an elegant suit and looked very handsome.

Some of you might remember that I have written about my commitment phobia a while ago. We took that into account by tailoring the event according to our needs and to who we really are. No vows to love each other forever (don't get me wrong, that's of course the plan, but I don't think it's something one can promise to another person), no talk about how we can't stop thinking about each another or about wanting to be together 24/7 (a horrible idea) or about how futile our lives would be without each other (we both wouldn't want to be with a person whose only sense in life comes from being with a partner).

Instead we made a little funny, tongue-in-cheek presentation about our history and years together and the time to come. Well, at least about those parts one would want to tell one's granny about! ;-) It was a very relaxed day, much more than we had expected. And we got the most wonderful compliment that I can imagine by several of our guests. Apart from telling us that they enjoyed the party and felt very comfortable and welcome, they said that they had rarely seen a bride and groom who were so relaxed and easy-going on their wedding day!

Let's hope that this is a good omen for our upcoming years together as Mr and Mrs!