Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2016): On Being Mr and Mrs Rohrstock-Palast

Yes, it's true, folks! Ludwig and I are finally married. While other couples split up after seven years, we decided it was a good time to take the next step.

As you can imagine, I am not the princess type. So, there were no white horses, no carriage, no heart-shaped balloons (or white doves) or any of that stuff. Just a little ceremony followed by a party with family and friends, involving good food, lovely conversation and lots of (progressive) rock and metal music.

I didn't wear a white wedding dress, either. First of all, I don't see why I should spend so much money on a dress which I only wear once in my life. Second, white is a colour that doesn't suit me. And third, wearing a white wedding dress (the colour of innocence) simply would have been a lie! :-) So, I wore my Chinese wedding dress which harmonized wonderfully with the bridal bouquet in warm colours that Ludwig had chosen. Ludwig wore an elegant suit and looked very handsome.

Some of you might remember that I have written about my commitment phobia a while ago. We took that into account by tailoring the event according to our needs and to who we really are. No vows to love each other forever (don't get me wrong, that's of course the plan, but I don't think it's something one can promise to another person), no talk about how we can't stop thinking about each another or about wanting to be together 24/7 (a horrible idea) or about how futile our lives would be without each other (we both wouldn't want to be with a person whose only sense in life comes from being with a partner).

Instead we made a little funny, tongue-in-cheek presentation about our history and years together and the time to come. Well, at least about those parts one would want to tell one's granny about! ;-) It was a very relaxed day, much more than we had expected. And we got the most wonderful compliment that I can imagine by several of our guests. Apart from telling us that they enjoyed the party and felt very comfortable and welcome, they said that they had rarely seen a bride and groom who were so relaxed and easy-going on their wedding day!

Let's hope that this is a good omen for our upcoming years together as Mr and Mrs!

Kinky Russia (Part 1): The Hotel Room

Last year, Ludwig and I travelled through Russia from Moscow to Vladivostok with the Trans-Siberian Railway. It was a very inspiring and wonderful trip!

We didn't manage to take lots of kinky pictures on our way (something I would be careful about in Russia, anyway), but when we stayed in a very beautiful hotel room, we of course had to use the opportunity to shoot a few sexy photos.

Whatever storyline might come to your mind when looking at them is completely up to you.

Can you see the marks on my bottom? There are the remainders of a scene Ludwig and I had a while earlier.

Here is a close-up. We invested quite a lot of time taking the pictures and you will see some more of them in the future. I hope you like them!

We did one outdoor shoot, too, on the shores of Lake Baikal. You will get to see those in the next instalment of this series.

In Court (Part 1): The Prehistory

Two years after having visited our first spanking party in Germany, it was time for another adventure. And a new experience, too! While Ludwig and I had attended one schoolgirl themed party in the UK, we had never been to a roleplay event, muss less in an active role. For our friend Fenris, who accompanied us, this was a new experience as well, so he preferred to take the role of a spectator only this time.

Those among you who read our blog regularly will know Donpascual aka Ramon Herzog. He isn't only an avid commenter, Donpascual has also written a guest column about M/M spankings from a (heterosexual) man's point of view. Donpascual also writes his own German blog called Justitia Dolorem Facit. The title of his blog already gives you a hint what the party we visited was all about. The roleplay event which takes place twice a year is organised by Donpascual and called Spanking Gerichtshof (spanking court).

Now I have to admit that judicial scenes aren't really my cup of tea when it comes to the bottom perspective (except for naval judicial discipline involving young cadets of course). The idea of being charged for some misdeed and punished (maybe even by unapologetic officers) with others watching doesn't push my buttons. But the role of a judge is a completely different thing – exactly the right position for a control freak like me. Which is why I offered Donpascual to take that responsibility as one of three judges for the event.

When Chrystal, my very experienced colleague, greeted his two new female fellow judges via e-mail and told us that he hoped we knew what we had signed up for, I could easily explain to him why I was the right person for the job. Okay, it was just supposed to be one step on my way to taking over the world, but, hey, for a hypocrite and smart-ass like me it was a good one. The real reason why I wanted to be a judge was the little hammer, though. I always wanted to be the one with that little hammer which could be smashed on the table as a sign of authority! Kristall added another very valid reason. The judge's robe looks really good!

The court did not only need judges, though, of course someone also had to carry out the verdicts (read: spankings). And so Ludwig offered to work as a bailiff for the female offenders. It turned out that the correct form was offender because there was only a single female one, but Sissi really rocked the event on her own! I offered to carry out some of the punishments, too, not anticipating how much work that meant. Luckily, I shared my "load" with a wonderful experienced fellow bailiff who already knew several of the miscreants. Together we selflessly punished five errant guys  in order to help them to become better human beings.

(To be continued...)

Kaelah's Corner (Feb 2016): Lucky Seven

This month was the seventh anniversary of Ludwig's and my first-ever play together. It marked my introduction into the world of erotic spanking and also was an important step on our way to becoming a couple. Looking back, I am still very happy that my “first spanking” was such a wonderful experience, with so much preparation and ceremony.

We re-enacted a part of that very first scene in our clip Enter the Dachshund which was my starting point into making kinky video clips. I still like that video, too, even though my reactions might be a bit too restrained for some viewers and I certainly would be more open to showing (at least slightly) stronger reactions today, as you will be able to see in the remaining videos which are still to be published.

I think that both occasions required very similar conditions in order to become the good, empowering experiences that they were for me: trust, open communication, respect and true care for each other. Those qualities, which already played a role in the ceremony seven years ago, are also the cornerstones for our relationship today.

But years later, it also became clear to Ludwig and me that in addition to all the preconditions we took care of, we were simply lucky that everything worked out so well. For instance, we filmed the action scene twice for the clip because when we watched the footage together, we found out that we both weren't quite happy with the look of the first take. I'm very glad that we had an eye on this before editing the clip and agreed on taking the time to shoot the scene again, because otherwise publishing the clip could easily have made me feel uneasy instead of happy.

And during our first play there also was one scene which Ludwig and I described as follows in our original account (Ludwig's comments are italic, mine bold): For the caning, I wanted to up the ante even more. “Since this is the grand finale, you are going to take everything off now” I told Kaelah. “Understood?” She nodded. So, after removing her bra and knickers as instructed, she stood before me in her full naked glory. I ordered her to stand up straight and put her hands behind her head. [You also told me to spread my legs a bit!] “You are very beautiful” I said while I took a good long look at her, first from behind, then from the front. After a brief pause, I stepped up to Kaelah, touched her upper left arm which she was holding behind her head, and ran my finger down the side of her body, barely missing her left breast. She didn't say anything, but I could tell that it was having an effect. [I was at least quite irritated. I hadn’t expected something like that and was trying to integrate the situation into my mindset. It was a strange mixture. In my mindset I saw it as a kind of obedience test. That fitted to the master / student scenario. But of course standing like that in front of a man who obviously enjoyed it also raised different thoughts…]

“It's a bit different from being in the sauna, isn't it?” I remarked casually, referring to something Kaelah had said during our first talk, when I asked her if she would have any objections against being naked. Kaelah suppressed a grin. “Yes, a little” she said quietly. [Since I thought of the whole thing as a kind of test, I tried to be really honest with my answer, like we had agreed beforehand. So, I needed a few seconds to think about the question. It’s not completely different, I thought, because being naked is something natural and I feel safe with Ludwig and not very ashamed, almost like being naked in the sauna. But, on the other hand, this was an erotic situation and being naked was a part of that erotic experience, so it somehow was different. And, of course, I usually don’t stand around in a position like that in the sauna! ;-)]

As you might already be able to see from the text, we both interpreted the scene slightly differently, so that it fitted into our respective mindsets. I suppose we both didn't have a clue how easily that little intermezzo could have given the scene a negative turn. Years later Ludwig touched my breast unexpectedly in a scene that was supposed to be a more formal one in my view. That stirred up bad memories referring to an incident from the distant past I hadn't even been aware of anymore. Of course Ludwig couldn't know about it, either, neither when it happened nor many years earlier during our first scene.

Today we both know many possible landmines we have to be careful about both in our vanilla relationship and in our kinky play. But even the most careful behaviour and planning doesn't guarantee that things can't go wrong at a certain point. So, I'm all the more thankful that my introduction into the world of erotic spanking was such a thrilling and wonderful experience.

How about you? Is there any very special kinky play you love to remember? Are you aware of any scenes that could have easily gone wrong at a certain point but luckily didn't? Or is there a scene that unexpectedly went wrong and in that gave you new insights about yourself or your play partner? You are very welcome to share your thoughts and memories in the comment section!

Please, Please (Let Me be Your Slave)

Recently, I was invited to a party organised by vanilla friends of mine. It proved to be a wonderful evening (and night) with good food and nice conversation. Sometime around two or three o'clock in the morning, we ended up watching old music videos which we enjoyed in our youth.

Among them was one by the great German punk band "Die Ärzte" ("The Doctors"), called "Bitte, Bitte" ("Please, Please"). The song is about BDSM, but the video adds another context. It is a clip against prudery, oppressive regimes and censorship, and it is most certainly very kinky. I saw it many years ago and liked both the song and the video, but I had completely forgotten about it until I saw it again that night at the party.

As explained on Wikipedia the song was definitely meant pro BDSM and in one version a dominatrix who was obviously friends with the group explains the meaning of certain fetish and BDSM terms. Watching the video, though, it struck me as ironic that while the band used a lady with a whip to symbolize oppression and censorship, we in the kinky community today have to deal with the censorship of images and videos showing such ladies.

So I decided to share the video as a memory from my youth with you. Two more hints for those of you who don't understand the German language: The ministry the young man walks into is the "Ministerium für Zucht und Ordnung". The correct translation would probably be "ministry of law and order", but "Zucht" can also be translated as "discipline" or "chastity". The inscription of the stamp says "zensiert" which is of course "censored" which is also what the Z on the banners stands for.

Here is a rough translation of the lyrics:

I have a gift for you
I love you, the gift is me
Do not ask me, you know why, starting today I am your property
You're hurting me what more do I want?
I am your servant, thou the Lord
From today I belong to you alone

Please let me, please, please let me
Please, please let me - let me be your slave

Whatever you order, I'll do it
I kiss the top of your shoe
And if you give me the whip
I know that you love me, too
I'm beyond redemption, whip me, put me in chains
From today on I belong to you alone

Please, please let me, please, please let me...
Please, please let me - let me be your slave ...

Please, please let me, when you want, please, please let me, how you want it...

Let's hope that one day, censorship of speech, music and consensual kink will be history. I have to admit that I don't believe this will happen any time soon, though, if at all. As a matter of fact, when I read the news today I am sure that the song is still as relevant as it was at the time of its release 28 years ago.

Our First Spanking Party in Germany (Part 3): The Classroom

This is part 3 of our account on our first spanking party in Germany. You can find parts 1 and 2 here and here. As in the first two posts, Fenris's comments are in bold and Ludwig's in italic.

We finally decided that we had had enough spanking action for the day. There was also a public reading this evening, an author reading little sequences from her newest BDSM book. We went there in order to cool down a bit. The reading took place in the school room. When it was over, Ludwig, Fenris and I of course couldn't resist taking some pictures in this room as well, as you can see.

[Ludwig: If my recollection is correct, it was mostly Kaelah who "couldn't resist" taking some pictures. She never can, she's such a photography buff! And once she has discovered a motif she would like to immortalise on the blog or just for her private picture collection, she has to go after it. Right now! And perfectly! She'll keep pestering me until everything has been thoroughly and exhaustively photographed in exactly the way she wants to. Actually, she's probably never as toppy as when she's directing her companions of the evening during an impromptu photoshoot.]

And I thought I am very toppy whenever I am of the opinion that something has to be organised, not only during photoshoots? Mental note: It seems I need to become more toppy in our kinky play, at least as toppy as I obviously am when we are taking pictures...

But back to the party: In the meantime, it had become late and there weren't many guests left. This was when I came across the third and last huge difference between this party and the ones I had been to before. When we looked into the main open play area on the ground floor, we could see that there was a paddling going on, a guy being topped by a woman. There were naked bystanders and the whole scene was obviously very sexual. I have to admit that would have scared me at the time I started living out my kink. By then, however, I was already self-confident enough to know that I had the right to decide what I wanted to watch and which kind of play I wanted to participate in. So, after a curious look, we bid our hosts farewell and left.

Fenris: I was very glad that after much doubt, I attended my first party and started living out my kink. For me, this had been the best weekend for a long time. Later, I checked my marks in a mirror and was, at first, a bit shocked, but then took it as a badge of honor. The marks lasted for a week and required a bit of strategy to use the shower in the gym.

Before we went to bed, Ludwig and Fenris had a drink together in our room and talked about the day and about other things. I was already in my pyjamas and realised how tired I was. So, I lay down, listening half asleep to Ludwig and Fenris talking about history and literature. I smiled realising how well they got along and that they didn't need me for their conversation. A while later Ludwig and Fenris decided to call it a day, too. So we went to sleep after an exciting and exhausting day.

The next morning we had a lovely breakfast together and decided to do a bit of sightseeing before driving back home.

Fenris: We had breakfast outdoors and even before sitting down, I realized the wooden chairs were without any cushions. It is quite interesting how a caning can change your perception of the environment.

The wooden chairs were indeed a great coincidence... We went to an old mansion after our breakfast, an excursion which of course gave rise to a few kinky fantasies. For instance, the huge office that featured an old impressive wooden desk.

[Ludwig: Personally, I was even more impressed by the waiting room in front of the office. It featured big, hard, uncomfortable wooden benches for whoever was waiting for an audience with the resident patriarch back in the old days. Huge benches, as a matter of fact, that made you feel tiny as you sat on them. I hate to use the cliché, but it really felt Kafka-esque. That office, plus the waiting room, would have made a perfect setting for an epic spanking film by Lupus Pictures or Dreams of Spanking, I thought.]

Yes, I had almost forgotten about the waiting room and the impressive huge benches! There had been enough play for a weekend, though, (this time I even didn't insist on taking kinky pictures, Fenris just took the "vanilla" one above showing the office) and after our excursion we bid each other farewell. It took two years before we went to the next party together. This time it was the "Spanking Gerichtshof" (spanking court) organised by our avid commenter Donpascual aka Ramon Herzog, which took place in fall of 2015. This party, as you can imagine, involved a lot more role-play. I will tell you more about it soon in a separate post.

Kaelah's Corner (Jan 2016): Why Are Some Women Reluctant To Spank Men?

A while ago, Hermione and her readers discussed a very intriguing topic at the spanking brunch. The question had been raised by Bogey from Our Bottoms Burn. I wrote a comment on Hermione's blog which I am going to reprint here with a few additional thoughts. I didn't want my comment on Hermione's blog becoming too long, certainly not as long as this post is going to be. Hopefully, you have a drink and a bite to eat at hand. This might take a while to read.

So the question I would like to talk about today is: Do you think that most women are reluctant to spank men? Why or why not?

Well, of course there is quite a number of female switches or tops who aren't reluctant to spank men at all. As a switch and someone who likes getting spanked as much as dishing out a spanking, I am one of them. But I think that there is indeed quite a large number of women who are reluctant to spank men. For instance, this becomes quite obvious when you read the comments on Hermione's post. I think I have come across quite a few reasons why women are reluctant to spank men. Here they are:

1.) Initial reluctance to top as a newbie:

I've experienced that myself. Even though I was never opposed to the thought of spanking another person, I preferred to make my first experiences in the scene as a bottom. That way I could rely on the guidance of an experienced top and get a feeling for how it is to be on the receiving end before topping another person. I've seen quite a few (especially young) women who started out as spankees only and developed into switches or maybe even exclusive tops after a while.

The same might be true for quite a few male kinksters as well. Ludwig, for instance, made his first experiences as a bottom, even though he already knew at that point that he was much more interested in topping. He didn't want to top someone without having experienced a spanking "from the other side", though, which is why he made his very first experiences on the receiving end. Fenris, who defines himself as a switch, also wrote in his account on his first more intense spanking experience which he made with Ludwig and me that bottoming was much less scary for him than topping, because the latter meant being responsible for another person's well-being and held the risk of hurting a play partner involuntarily because of his inexperience.

However, I think that, on average, I have heard of more women who took a very long time before trying to top than men. Especially the phenomenon of being interested in bottoming only at a very young age and only developing an interest in topping after several years is one that seems to be more widespread among women than among men, at least that is my impression from the blogs I have read.

2.) Personal sexual preferences:

Even among those for whom spanking is "just" a form of erotic play, some people simply only enjoy being on the giving or the receiving end. Maybe they even try out switching, but decide that it doesn't give them the thrill they are seeking.

One well-known person who comes to my mind, who I think fits this description very well, is Erica Scott. Those among you who have read her blog know that she has tried a few things over time and that her partner is a bottom, too (so she certainly hasn't got any prejudices against male bottoms). But obviously, Erica found out that being on the receiving end of a spanking is her core kink, the experience which pushes the right buttons for her, and so that's the way she plays. It's simply a matter of preferences, nothing more and nothing less.

3.) Spanking in D/s-, DD-, M/s-relationships:

The majority of men and women in these kinds of relationships only seem to practice spanking with their partner. It is more than sexual play here, though, it is about permanent roles in the relationship. One is the dominant / HOH / leader / daddy / master or however a certain couple defines the role, while the other is the submissive / follower / girl / slave (in an M/F-relationship, that is - of course, there are similar F/M-relationships as well).

I've come across very few exceptions from that rule, but it seems to me that usually the concept of these relationships connects the role of the spanker with the role of the leader and doesn't allow for any spanking experiences the other way round. So, if a woman in such a relationship sees herself as the submissive, she has no interest in switching because she wants her man to be in the role of the leader all the time and being the spanker is a part of that role.

I have to admit that this category is one that makes me feel a bit uneasy because of the permanent power imbalance which is inherent to them. Permanently giving up control to another person (at least concerning a certain number of important aspects of life) is something that in my mind doesn't really go together with living a life as a responsible, self-reliant adult. That's especially true when the amount of control covers all the basic aspects of life (of course not all of the above mentioned relationships go this far!) and when the submissive is also economically dependent on the top.

Of course, two things have to be taken into account, though. First of all, many "vanilla" relationships incorporate the same power imbalance and economic dependency of one partner. I've come across quite a few negative examples in my parents' and grandparents' generation, which is most probably why the concept raises such negative feelings on my behalf. But, and that's the more important second point: Every adult is of course free to decide how they want to live their lives. As long as they really have a free choice and their lifestyle doesn't affect others in a negative way or forces them to live in a way they are uncomfortable with, the very important rule "to each their own" applies. The concept doesn't have to be for me and maybe I even see certain possible dangers which go along with it, but that doesn't give me any right to tell others that they shouldn't live that way.

4.) Cultural background / traditional gender roles / religious beliefs about gender roles:

I think this approach is even more extreme than the last one I wrote about because it is based on the assumption that men and women generally have to fulfil certain ("naturally given") traditional gender roles which also define their role when it comes to (erotic) spanking. According to this belief, the fact that men are usually physically stronger than women also means that they are the natural leaders in a relationship who should take their (soft, submissive) woman in hand. Since spanking is seen as an expression of that male dominance and strength, there is only one "correct" way according to this belief - and that is a man spanking a woman.

This is a concept that really scares the hell out of me because it involves the belief in natural or God-given gender roles. And that means, of course, that someone who really believes in this must be of the opinion that these gender roles should apply to all people, not only to one's personal relationship. And that threatens my personal freedom of choice and life (having to live according to those traditional gender roles would be absolutely horrible for me).

Connecting physical strength with certain gender aspects like who should earn the money in a relationship is of course complete bullshit nowadays. There are still a few jobs which require physical strength, but most of our jobs in the developed world today don't. And arguing that gender roles should still be the same as they were hundreds of years ago because at that time physical power played a role doesn't really make any sense. Because with the same argument you wouldn't employ short-sighted people who would have struggled to survive and to do most jobs in the old times before glasses were invented.
 
I could go on like that covering one topic after another (for instance, child care), but I think you have already got my stance. And I am sure that I won't be able to convince those who believe in these traditional roles, anyway (after all, it's a belief, something that is usually very strong and carefully warded off against rational arguments!), while I don't have to convince those among you who have a similar view as me.

One last point I would like to mention: In my comment on concept three I said that of course every adult is free to choose their own lifestyle as long as free choice is indeed given. That's another aspect that makes me feel uncomfortable about the natural or God-given gender approach because it has usually been ingrained very deeply into a person as a child by their parents and / or religious teachers. As our long-time readers know, I once was a religious person, so I know how difficult it is to question religious beliefs which one has been taught during childhood. That's why I am a bit critical when it comes to the question whether choosing such a lifestyle is really based on freedom of choice. Mind you, our upraising influences all of us, but in this special case we are talking about concepts which are claimed to be natural or God-given. I would say it is much more difficult to question such concepts than those which we were taught simply with the argument that they are good or useful for us.

5.) The "Men who seek out being spanked or are spanked can't be real tops / are weak" approach:

I think this one is closely connected to number 4, but I guess you can also find it among women who only seek spankings for erotic fun and go to spanking parties. The idea behind it is that someone who isn't toppy / dominant all the time isn't a "real" top / dominant.

In my opinion, this approach causes even more problems for male switches than women who simply aren't interested in switching. Because even admitting that they have switched / are willing to switch in their play can make it difficult for them to find a play partner.

I guess I don't have to tell you that in my opinion this approach is bullshit, too, because in my opinion people can't be reduced to one trait or interest. When I am topping I like taking control and I very much enjoy what I am doing. When I am bottoming, I enjoy the opportunity of focussing on myself only. As a woman, I have to say that I always found male switches more attractive as tops, anyway, because they are willing to take what they dish out, which in my opinion is a sign of strength. Of course, I wouldn't want any guy to switch if it simply doesn't turn him on. But in my view, the really weak guys are those who would like to switch but aren't willing to admit it because they are scared that this might damage their dominant aura when topping.

So much for the reasons I have come across why some women are reluctant to spank men. I would like to add that especially number 4 seems to depend a lot on the country people live in – it is obviously much more common in the US than, for instance, here in Germany (where there are also quite many spanking parties for men who see spanking as erotic fun and like to be on the receiving end).

Now, this has become a really long post (I have warned you)! Maybe you would like to share your thoughts on the topic as well? It seemed like Bogey didn't get too many answers that helped him with his question at Hermione's brunch (most female commenters just said how wrong topping a guy would feel for them). So maybe you have come across a few more reasons which I haven't covered in my post why quite a few women are reluctant to spank men. Or maybe you would also like to share your personal experiences. You are very welcome to do so in the comment section of this post!