Monday, September 1, 2014

Kaelah's Corner (Aug 2014):
Soap On A Rope


In the last weeks, I cleaned up my place and then rearranged quite a few things with Ludwig's help. In the process, I came across the little item shown in the pictures. Indeed it's a soap on a rope in the shape of a naked behind. It was a present I was given rather a long time ago by a vanilla friend after I had told her about my new discovery of the world of spanking.


I am of the opinion that this item which is so closely related to my early days in our community very much fits this post which marks my fifth blogiversary! So, I have decided to share this little anecdote with you and show you some pictures of this funny and special soap. When I started exploring my kink, it was great to realise that my vanilla friends were so relaxed and supportive about it. And what a journey it has been so far! Right now I am very busy with other things and kink isn't as much on my mind as it used to be which shows in my currently rather irregular posting schedule. We will find out what the future brings, though.


As you can see in the last picture, I couldn't resist to have some creative fun with the soap as well. I think it is even kinkier in its new form. The marks look a bit too bloody for my taste, but I like the neat lines. Five for the fifth blogiversary and one for luck.

Thank you all for your support during the last five years! It would be great to hear from you on my blogiversary. So please feel invited to say hello in the comment section. If you don't know what to say, maybe you like to answer one of the following two questions: Do you have any items or other things that remind you of your early days when you had just discovered the world of spanking? How would you have decorated the soap bottom?

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Kaelah's Corner (Jul 2014):
What is Love?


Welcome, everybody, to a very belated edition of Kaelah's Corner. At the beginning of this year, I wrote a post about the influence that being kinky might have on the issue of finding a mate. This post was supposed to be the first one of a series of posts about different aspects of kink and relationships. As you can see, it took me quite a while to come up with the next one, but here it finally is.

Today's post is about the question what love is all about and how kink and sexuality are related to love. For me, it was a very tough question under what condition it was okay for me to say to Ludwig that I love him. That might sound weird to some of you. But I have been raised with a strict rule stating that lying is bad, especially concerning important things and to those people who are close to you. Now, love definitely is an important issue and I didn't want to tell Ludwig that I love him without being 100 per cent sure that he could rely on my words.

Funnily, the question never really came up until I met Ludwig. For instance, I have always been sure that I love my parents, simply because they are my parents and because they gave their best when raising me and took good care. But, I figured, love between mates was something different. One important difference between a mate and friends or relatives for me was that mates are having sex with each other and feel lust for each other. Plus, I thought, love for a mate should mean that he is the most important person on Earth for me, the one I most long for and most want to spend time with. It took some time after Ludwig and I met until I had the feeling that those requirements were met so that I could truly and rightfully tell Ludwig that I love him. But, was my definition of love between mates really correct?

As you know, Ludwig and I met through this blog and our kink, so spanking and sexuality played an important role in our relationship right from the beginning. But, there was much more than that. When I read his blog posts and we started exchanging mails, it was Ludwig's ability to look at things from different perspectives, his kindness and his care that made me feel understood and safe and made me want to meet him in person. In addition to that, we soon found out that we liked similar music, humour and more. Soon, Ludwig became a friend which for me was the basis for letting him introduce me into the world of spanking.

In our very first play, we listed the virtues our relationship was based on: openness and honesty, honour and respect, trust and responsibility, bravery (and pain, after all, this was kinky play). Our long talks revealed that we also had compatible ideas about, for instance, politics, ethics, work-life-balance, raising a family and sharing workloads between partners. At that time I was still a practising Christian and Ludwig an agnostic. Today we are both atheists, so that difference has gone as well.  All these aspects played an important role for my decision to become Ludwig's mate because they gave me the feeling that we had a good chance to build a happy, stable, well-working long-term relationship.

From today's perspective I would say that the requirements which from my view had to be fulfilled in order to rightfully state that I love Ludwig as my mate only focussed on very small aspects of what love can be. Plus, in a long-term relationship they can't be met all the time. In a long-term relationship the partners don't always feel lust for each other. One also doesn't always long for one's mate the most and doesn't always want to spend time with them. Alone time and time with others is important as well. That doesn't mean one doesn't love one's partner, though.

The German relationship counsellor Michael Mary distinguishes three forms of love which could be labelled as partnership, friendship and passionate love. Here is how he describes them:

Partnership is the basis for joint projects, for example, starting a family or a company, or coping with the daily life together. Negotiations, compromises, reliability, and the balance of benefits play a major role here.

Friendship lives through voluntary good deeds. A friend leaves his or her partner to be as he or she is, and expects the same from him. The central aspects for this kind of love are sympathy, respect and accepting one's partner as they are.

The emotional / passionate love lives off the mutual confirmation and encounter in intimate areas, such as sexuality, or individuality. Lovers give each other the feeling to be meant and loved in all aspects of their personality. In this love, feelings are most important, because one can not consciously choose whom one loves in this way, the decision is made by one's unconscious mind.


In his books, Michael Mary states that the three forms of love don't necessarily support each other. Quite the contrary, often they are contradictory. For instance, passionate love requires a certain level of distance between partners to increase the longing for each other. Too much distance doesn't go well with building a house, raising kids and sharing daily responsibilities, though. Sharing daily responsibilities also means making compromises and giving up a certain amount of personal freedom. That contradicts the field of friendship which requires partners to accept each other as they are and give each other lots of space for individual growth. Which is why the three forms of love usually can't all be similarly strong in a relationship, at least not at a certain point in time.

The thing is that today's media and many life counselling books try to make us believe that our love relationship(s) have to be perfect in all three aspects, that “real” love requires an A+ in all three fields. Which can lead to a lot of uncertainty and disappointment. It can make us feel inadequate. The message is: If your relationship doesn't work extraordinarily well in all fields, it means you haven't worked hard enough to make it happen.

Reality shows us that this is utter nonsense. I think this becomes very obvious in our kinky community as well. Some fellow kinksters say that they have a partner whom they love very dearly and have a great relationship with but who doesn't share their sexual kink. For others, kink and sex are very important in their relationship(s), but they don't share all aspects of their daily lives with their partner(s), keeping a certain level of distance between them feeding the longing for each other.

In Ludwig's and my relationship the three aspects aren't always similarly strong, either. In the beginning, we were still in the process of discovering each other and the passionate love played a very important role every time we had the chance to spend a few days with each other. Now that we know each other very well, our talks have become even more intimate than they were at the beginning of our relationship. We also have started to build a life together and share more responsibilities with each other. Our love is about much more than kink and sex. And even if the sexual thrill right now is less strong than it was in the very beginning (especially since we are both under lots of stress at the moment), that doesn't mean we don't love each other. Sometimes the different fields of love support each other. Sometimes they are contradictory. For instance, when I am feeling weak and burned out, Ludwig focusses on caring for me and supporting me as a friend and partner. This reduces his desire to have kinky sex with me and live out his sadistic fantasies.

Sometimes Ludwig and I both focus on the same aspect of love at the same time. Sometimes we have different needs and desires. That's the time when I easily start doubting that I can rightfully and truly say that I love Ludwig, because I still have my "old" requirements in mind. Can I really say I love him, when he wants to have sex and I don't? Can I really say I love him, when I realise that I want some alone time or time with friends? Can I really say I love him, when I find other men attractive? From what I now know about love I can. But still the feeling of inadequacy and doubt often remains.

Michael Mary's advice is to appreciate the kind of love and the love relationship one has, instead of always focussing on the things that aren't perfect. Ludwig and I have a very special love relationship in many different respects and I think we have a good chance of making it a very long-lasting one.

How about you? What does love mean for you? What are the most important aspects of love which you share in your relationship(s)? And how is the kink correlated to love for you? I look forward to reading your thoughts in the comment section!

Monday, July 28, 2014

Tit For Tat: A Love Our Lurkers Day Clip


I originally intended to post this one week ago, but my video editing program acted up. Working with these large files caused some bugs which I first had to overcome.

And that is the good news: Kaelah and I are pleased to release our first video in high definition. With a resolution of 1920 x 1080 pixels, it is on par with what the most state-of-the-art spanking paysites offer. The file is 455 MB in size, which should not be a problem for the large number of people with fast internet connections these days. I also uploaded a smaller (292 MB) file with a resolution of 960 x 540 pixels for the unlucky ones among you still labouring with a slower connection and for those of you who would like to check out a low resolution "preview" before deciding if they want the large video.


What is the video about, you ask? I almost forgot: it's the F/M plus M/F caning clip voted on in last year's Love Our Lurkers Day. Kaelah and I volunteered to take two cane strokes for each delurker (i.e. first-time commenter) and one stroke for each regular commenter, and you could decide whether Kaelah or I should get "your" stroke(s). Instead of the one of us with the most votes getting all the strokes, we decided to split the video this time into an F/M part and an M/F part. The final tally was 19 strokes for me and 22 strokes for Kaelah, which was closer than we expected and goes to show that there are quite a few fans of F/M action among our readers as well.

In our previous clips, we always cut between different perspectives recorded on different cameras. But since the high definition camera has a different picture ratio than our older cameras, we could not do that this time (we would have had to put black stripes on the sides of the picture in some perspectives, which would have looked awkward). So we are showing you the canings in one continuous scene this time and inserted a smaller split screen showing closeups of the bottom and facial reactions into the upper left corner. It's an experiment of sorts and we are curious to see how many among you like it and how many do not. For Kaelah and me, it was certainly an interesting change of pace to record all the strokes in one take this time and not reposition cameras in between.

Here are the download links. Have fun!


(Scroll down and click on "Slow Download", wait for the counter to count down, then solve the captcha and download the file.)

MP4 format, 1920 x 1080 resolution, 455 MB:

WMV format, 960 x 540 resolution, 292 MB:


Saturday, July 12, 2014

Anticipation

Remember the football bet between our reader Simon, Kaelah and me? Now that the Netherlands were defeated in the semifinal of the World Cup, I am the first among the three of us who knows his final tally: 43 strokes with our rubber flogger. Kaelah's final tally of hand smacks will depend on whether Germany becomes the champion on Sunday, and since Simon (who bet on the Netherlands like me) put some additional stipulations into his wager in case Germany wins the whole thing, he too will have to wait until the last match.

And it's a good thing we did not bet on the exact scorelines of the semifinals. No one would have predicted that Germany would thrash Brazil 7:1!

But that is not the topic of today's post. I would like to write about an element of spanking / CP play which probably all of us know and appreciate: anticipation. As Simon pointed out, one of the drawbacks of our football bet is that "it will be a long time before we know the result" (three weeks between the deadline for submissions and the final match). Maybe that was one reason why no more of our readers were interested. For me, however, the extended time between making the bet and knowing the outcome was an asset. Because, as a matter of fact, things were happening with each match. I found it exciting to watch the number of strokes rise slowly but steadily as our predictions turned out to be sometimes true, oftentimes false. It was a beautiful example of anticipation in kinky play.

Anticipation frequently features in spanking / CP roleplay. We have all read stories or watched videos where the schoolgirl (or schoolboy) is made to wait in front of the headmaster's office ahead of a sound caning. When Kaelah and I played for the first time, we did not do a full-fledged roleplay, but a rather vague master / student initiation scenario. There, too, I made her wait for a little while in front of our "ritual chamber", and later I made her kneel in front of a mirror immediately before the spanking session. Later when we began to switch and Kaelah topped me, she returned the favour once, making me wait and then calling me into the room with our singing bowl. There are all kinds of small ritualised actions that can heighten the sense of anticipation: choosing and fetching the implement(s), the removal of clothing, the arranging of the chair, table or whipping bench over which the spankee is going to bend, and so on.

One form of anticipation I find particularly interesting is the one you get on a blog when you involve the readers. When Niki Flynn and I were planning the F/M scene back in 2008 that came to be known as Ludwig's Comeuppance, we let the readers vote on how many cane strokes I should get. In one way, it might have been a pointless exercise, because predictably, most people voted for the highest number of strokes. But I still found the banter in the comments section and the underlying group dynamics exciting. Kaelah and I held similar votes for our Love Our Lurkers Day videos, including the last one where you could vote for an M/F segment of the video or an F/M segment and both parts would be filmed (that video, by the way, will be ready for download next week). And then there was the recent betting on the World Cup, which also encouraged reader participation. Maybe there is an exhibitionist part of my kink and that is why I enjoy these "public" buildups to a CP session. But that is a complex and ambiguous issue and one that deserves its own post.

What about you, then? In what way does anticipation figure in your spanking / CP play? Are there any particular steps or actions you take to make things interesting in this regard? Have you come up with anything unusual? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section if you like.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Lost in Translation

I recently and purely by accident discovered a Chinese BDSM picture gallery. Well, the pictures are taken from Western BDSM sites, but they were apparently uploaded and shared in a free gallery by a Chinese person. Kaelah and I have been to China, you can read our posts Kinky China (Part 1): The Forbidden City and Kinky China (Part 2): The Great Wall about the (mildly) BDSM-related aspects of our trip. I have always had a great fascination with the country's history and culture, which are among the oldest on the planet. Moreover, it is good to know (and not at all surprising) that there are spanking and CP enthusiasts among the Chinese, too.

The garbled English phrases accompanying the pictures inspired me to write this post. Some of them are short, to the point and entirely correct, like "secretary was punished". Others are unwieldy, but quite understandable, like "the females having their bodies caned". Still others are utterly outlandish and hilarious. I wanted to share my favourites with you, together with the assorted pictures. The pictures are small, but I decided to leave them at the resolution in which they were posted. I will give credit to the original source where I know it.

I would like to point out that it is not my intention to mock this Chinese guy or make fun of him in a mean way. His English is certainly droll, but it is way better than my Mandarin (which only consists of "hello" and "thank you"). So any arrogance on my part is unwarranted. Given how different the languages are structurally, given how difficult it is for the Chinese to learn English (and vice versa), I commend anyone who tries. The aim of this post is to put a humorous spin on language differences and the accidents of translation, not to be mean or condescending towards any nationality or person.

Here are the pictures with the original text in bold and my comments underneath:


"The blonde gets bloody excommunication."

Picture originally from Mood Pictures. I don't recall it having a religious theme. That said, "Bloody Excommunication" is a neat expression. Sounds like it should have been the title of a 1970s exploitation film starring Laura Gemser.


"Calumnious outdoor bullwhipping."

Picture originally from Paingate. I must admit, I had never heard the term "calumnious" before. According to my dictionary, it is synonymous with "defamatory", "slanderous". It certainly does not sound like a word normal human beings would use in conversation. Chinese BDSM picture galleries and obtuse academic treatises are the only places where you will see it. Wait a minute - I don't think normal human beings use the term "obtuse", either!


"Pretty girl restrained over a desk to acquire a brutal hitting exceeding her bared nuisance."

It's not a desk, it's the famous Lupus Pictures bench. Wish I had one. And I have no idea what "exceeding her bared nuisance" is supposed to mean. Exceeding her bare annoying bottom? Exceeding her pain threshold? Anyway, the "pretty girl" in the picture is Niki Flynn in the film Crime and Punishment, reviewed on this blog.



"Spreading shrunken babes pussy for heavy punishing away from whips coupled with crops."

At first sight, that reads like a dish on a Chinese restaurant menu. Shrunken babes pussy! In a hot stew accompanied by tasty crops! Only 30 yuan!



"Hot blonde brutally caned on her unending ripe arse - wise cane stripes."

Well, actually, her arse begins below the lower back and ends above the upper legs, as most arses do. So it is not unending. But I like how that adjective is used as a term of praise here. I also love the "wise cane stripes" - as opposed to, what, "foolish cane stripes"?


"Brutal pompously for a fabulous murk upstairs all fours."

Another Lupus Pictures photo. I can't for the life of me figure out what a "fabulous murk" is supposed to be. If you have any suggestions, let me know. And what does "pompously" have to do with it? And what is going on upstairs? This gets weirder all the time.


"Most severe ass whipping torture for juicy denuded brunette fixed in the whipping bar."

Probably from Paingate. Another wonderful application of an unusual adjective, "denuded". Hey girlfriend, come over here, let's get denuded! On a sidenote, I think "The whipping Bar" would be a great name for a BDSM club.



"Wrapped in tight hemp rope and manufactured to cum."

This reads like product advertising or a description of an industrial process. I like the attention to detail, though: "hemp rope". Not silk, not polyester, but hemp! See, the material is important.


"Juicy blonde is lion-hearted roped mistresses whip smashes into will not hear of in flames swollen clit."

I believe this picture is courtesy of Paingate. I do not see a blonde on it, though, nor a clit, swollen or otherwise. Perhaps that is what the author of the text imagines is about to happen.



"Real fantastic open-air bullwhipping of a hanged up leafless beauty with no keep off non-native someone's skin insulting strokes."

Open-air bullwhipping! What a delightful phrase. Coming to think of it, it sounds so much more exciting than "outdoor". "Skin-insulting strokes" is pretty neat, too. I don't know what "leafless" is supposed to mean here, however.

I must say, the pictures have inducted me into the mood for a brutal hitting on the ripe unending arse of my juicy blonde lion-hearted girlfriend the next time we are together. I want to denude her and keep her in tight hemp rope. Maybe she will return the favour and give me some wise cane stripes as well in the whipping bar, who knows. Then fabulous murk upstairs.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Kaelah's Corner (Jun 2014):
Ich Tu Dir Weh (I Hurt You)


In his post Discussion: Consent and Its Limits and his follow-up post My Views on Consent and Its Limits, Ludwig discussed whether it is morally acceptable that an adult consents to an activity like BDSM that causes injuries and where the limits of that consent should be drawn. At first, I wanted to write about my own views on that topic in a comment, but then I realised that the comment got too long and that it focussed on a certain aspect which wasn't the main theme of the original posts. So I decided to write about my thoughts in a separate post instead.

My personal view on consent and its limits in BDSM resembles Ludwig's, so I haven't much too add in that regard. The topics of consent, informed consent and subliminal pressure have already been discussed at length. But the case of the Rothenburg cannibal which Ludwig used to outline the moral questions made me think about my moral views on acts that cause or are likely to cause damage to a person and the role of the motivation of those involved. That's what I would like to write about in this post.

The act

The first question I asked myself when I thought about the case of the Rothenburg cannibal Meiwes was whether I find it generally immoral that one person takes another person's life with their consent. For me, the answer is no. For instance, I am in favour of assisted suicide in case of severe diseases which cause a person lots of suffering. In my opinion, people should have the right to decide when to end their lives in such situations. Consequently, I wouldn't consider assisting someone in such a situation immoral. The same goes, for instance, when women who have a very high genetic risk of breast cancer decide to have their breasts preventively amputated. While there is no actual need at the time of the amputation to do it, I am of the opinion that it is the woman's right to decide whether she wants to live with that life threatening risk or not. So, the act of amputation or assisting someone in their wish to commit suicide obviously is not where I generally draw the line. There must be an additional factor in the Rothenburg case which makes me feel that it is morally wrong (apart from the question whether the victim Brandes was sane enough to give his consent to this act).

The motivation

What distinguishes the Rothenburg case from the examples I mentioned above is the motivation. Brandes didn't suffer from any terminal or life threatening disease. He simply wanted to die, most probably as a result of a psychological disorder. What I would like to focus on today, though, is Meiwes's motivation. In the cases mentioned above, the doctor assisting with the suicide or amputating a woman's breast (hopefully) has their patient's well-being on his mind. The Rothenburg cannibal, on the other hand, committed the acts for his own pleasure. Brandes was merely his willing victim.

Now that's the part which brings the connection to BDSM. A top usually also derives pleasure from the consensual act that involves hurting another person. Martial arts fights might not be that different. Here the pleasure is not sexual but comes from the thrill of engaging in an athletic competition. The activity also includes the infliction physical pain, though, and in my opinion handling that pain and maybe also inflicting it is part of the thrill.

Pleasure is an acceptable motivation for me in both cases, no matter whether it is sexual pleasure or non-sexual pleasure. But with pleasure being the main motivation, I draw a different line when it comes to the question whether a consensual act is moral or immoral. In that case, I draw the line at the point already mentioned by other commenters, namely at the point where permanent damage is caused intentionally.

Permanent damage in the definition I use here means that a person has permanent health issues (a tattoo isn't a permanent damage according to this definition, cutting off a finger is). The word "intentionally" is important here, too. Martial arts fights, BDSM activities, even crossing the street are all actions which involve the risk of suffering permanent damage in case of an accident. But the important thing is that it is not the intention of the participants to cause any permanent damage. And in my opinion acts like sports fights and BDSM are only morally okay as long as the participants make sure that the risk of accidental damage isn't higher than necessary. Of course, this isn't a 100 per cent sharp definition, but I will try to explain it with an example.

As you might know, I don't have any moral problems with severe canings (using BDSM canes which aren't heavy enough to cause any permanent scars). I've done them myself and I can attest that, while causing longer-lasting marks, severe canings don't cause any permanent damage. But of course there is, for instance, a certain risk of causing real damage when accidentally hitting the kidneys full force. That's why I find it morally questionable when a top who hasn't enough experience and practice to wield a cane at least fairly accurately exposes a bottom to the risk of accidental harm through mishits. Of course, hitting totally accurately is difficult when it comes to full-force canings, but with enough practice the chance of being as far off from the target area as the kidneys is very small. Without proper experience, concentration and care, the risk becomes unnecessarily high, though.

A personal emotional rule

Apart from the moral question it came to me that this is a topic which also affects me emotionally, especially from a bottom's point of view. I realised that I've got the following emotional rule in my head: the more severe (mentally or physically) a scene is, the more important it is for me that the scene is based on the bottom's wish to try it and the more focussed should the top be on the bottom's well-being up to a point at which they focus more on the bottom than on their own pleasure - at least during the scene.

I am aware that this isn't a valid moral judgement, it's an emotional judgement which reflects my personal limits. Some people surely love to do edgy scenes wholly for the pleasure of their tops (because that idea actually gives them a lot of pleasure, if not during the scene then at least afterwards). And some bottoms might argue that they would never want to do an edgy scene knowing that the top doesn't fully enjoy it. But for me, the rule mentioned above is an important one which I need in order to feel safe.

There are several occasions in which this rule became important in Ludwig's and my play. Especially when we played for the very first time, when I decided to do my first very severe caning and when we filmed my severe caning scene for Dreams of Spanking. All three times, Ludwig was mainly focussed on my well-being and put his personal pleasure aside. He didn't only do that for me, though. If you read his accounts of his shoots for Mood Pictures and Lupus Pictures carefully, it will become very obvious that getting the scene right and hitting accurately was Ludwig's main focus. The feeling of pleasure was something he allowed himself afterwards, when the scene was over.

I think I've become a bit more relaxed about edgy scenes and tops focussing on their own pleasure over time. Having gained more experience and also switched sides, I came to realise that this isn't a binary thing. One can have fun as a top and still focus on the bottom's well-being. One can also talk about one's fantasies as a top and hope that the bottom might be up for it, even when it is not their core fantasy. Of course only as long as one doesn't put any subliminal pressure on the bottom to do things they aren't comfortable with. Still, the basic rule in my head hasn't changed. I am okay with fulfilling someone else's (and especially my mate's) fantasy, but the edgier the fantasy is and the more physical damage is caused, the more it must be a scenario that I enjoy as well and the more focus on my well-being I expect from the top during the scene.

How about you? I would love to hear about your thoughts in the comment section!

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Kinky Japan Part 3:
Spanked in a Bath Robe


In the second part of our kinky Japan tales I told you about my naughty adventures in the onsen at one of our hotels. The hotel didn't only have a beautiful onsen, though, they also provided their guests with wonderful looking yukata (Japanese bath robes).



And so Ludwig and I couldn't resist having a little spanking session wearing them. I mean, what could be better after a hot bath than an even hotter spanking?
 
And since that's what naughty girls deserve (in contrast to nice girls who always stick to the rules and finally die of boredom one day), it didn't strike someone innocent. Of course my bottom wasn't covered by the beautiful fabric for too long.


And so I ended up with a nicely warm and red bottom. A good precondition for a good night's sleep!


By the way, if you want some kinky fun, too, you still have a little time left to participate in our football bet (the deadline for making a bet is Sunday the 22nd 23:59:59 German time). It would be great to have some more people play along!