(The poster for H.M.S Defiant.
One of the films that inspired my kinky fantasies.)
In his recent post A Question of Perspective Ludwig asked the intriguing question which perspective our readers take when watching a spanking video – the one of the spankee, the one of the spanker or the perspective of an observer. For me, the answer is rather simple. I am usually an observer when watching spanking clips, and depending on the scene and the people involved I sometimes feel closer to the top's or the bottom's perspective. At times I also think about how cool it would be to meet or to make a clip with the participants or in how far I suppose our chemistry would fit in a scene. But that usually happens after I have watched a clip and I don't see myself in the role of the top or the bottom at the time of watching.
A related question I have been thinking about is which perspective I take in my kinky fantasies in general and during kinky scenes I am involved in. And secondly, how do I see my play partner(s)? The thing is, in many of my kinky fantasies I am not involved as a character. Take for example my naval fantasies. In those fantasies I am a kind of omniscient narrator who switches from mindset to mindset and sees the scene from the different views. The feelings of the bottoms are slightly more interesting for me, but I also need to know the feelings and thoughts of the tops in order to make the scenario complete.
I also have formal kinky fantasies which explicitly involve me as a person, though, or maybe rather an ideal fantasy version of myself. The thing that has given me a bad conscience about those fantasies is that Ludwig usually only appears in them as a background character. He is my partner (and in those fantasies in which I already see myself as a mum he is also the dad of our kids), but the kinky action usually doesn't happen between me and him. In my fantasies I often play with a group of fantasy friends, younger guys who like to be topped by me, a like-minded female friend with whom I top the guys together and who tops me from time to time and maybe also male friends whom I allow topping me.
It's not very different when it comes to more explicit erotic fantasies. Classical intercourse never played an important role in my erotic dreams. When I have sexual fantasies, though, they are more of the rough type and rather semi-consensual. Those fantasies often involve a group of people as well (yes, I am an exhibitionist, never denied that) and I also don't see Ludwig (at least not the real Ludwig) as a person there.
And when I play with others? Well, it's quite simple when it comes to fun play or video scenes. In those cases I usually see the others involved for who they are and not as some kind of fantasy characters. In fun scenes with friends we usually don't use any fantasy scenarios anyway, so it's just us as people. When it comes to video clips, a part of my brain might get into character, but a part of me always remains aware that it is Ludwig, Pandora, Leia-Ann or whoever I am interacting with. That's quite easy for me with friends because we don't have a sexual relationship with each other, so it's easy for me to get into a fun or a formal setting.
It's more difficult with Ludwig and formal settings, though, especially when it's just the two of us, because our relationship isn't formal and it's difficult for me to imagine him as my commanding officer or whomever. I think that's because I am not a very good role-player. It becomes easier when others are involved as well or when we are making clips. Because then the setting is more formal because of the circumstances and that makes it much easier for me.
But how about when Ludwig and I are having sex? Well, that's the part that sometimes bothers me the most. Because then (at least when I am not in a toppy mood) I usually drift away into the rough sexual scenarios I am also sometimes fantasizing of. And then I don't see Ludwig as Ludwig any more. He becomes a fantasy character and I am mixing up the things that are really happening between the two of us with fantasy elements.
It is a bit different when I am topping. Then I am usually more myself and I usually see Ludwig more as himself and not as a fantasy character. Maybe that's because it takes less fantasy for me to get into the right mood for topping and to let myself fall? Maybe it's because my fantasies as a top fit more easily into an equal partnership than some of my fantasies as a bottom?
I guess especially the last part might explain why my kinky fantasies usually don't involve Ludwig and me as partners. The formal fantasies are more easily to imagine with people (often fantasy characters, as I already mentioned) with whom I don't have a sexual relationship in real life. They can be my friends, guides or protégés and our relationships can be rather light-hearted and fun without all the deep-going life questions and issues that come with a love relationship. And the rough, semi-consensual erotic fantasies are only sexy in role-play scenarios with fantasy characters and not in real life with my real, loving mate.
Still it gives me a bad conscience sometimes. Shouldn't I rather be fantasizing about spankings and sex with my partner than about scenes with fantasy characters? Is it okay to drift away into a fantasy world when having sex? Mind you, I don't think there is something morally wrong with this. Fantasies are only fantasies anyway and the mind is free. But still the topic is bothering me from time to time. Especially at times like this when I am not in a good place which also affects my relationship with Ludwig.
I wonder how this is for others? Maybe it is easier for kinksters with domestic fantasies or consensual erotic spanking fantasies to fantasize about scenes between them and their partners, simply because their fantasies fit more into their real-life relationship? Maybe it's because my kinky fantasies only work as role-play scenarios or as formal fun scenarios? What about you? Do your fantasies involve role-play characters or real friends and your real partner? I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic!