Friday, August 24, 2012

Thank You, Tim, For a Spanking Good Time!

(Tim's blog logo, taken from Secret Spanko's tribute post 
which was published after Tim had announced that
he had to stop blogging because of his bad health condition.)

(Update 2012/08/29: It just turned out that the message about Tim's passing was nothing but a horrible hoax! Someone hacked Tim's blogging account and posted a message which Tim had written during his stay in hospital when he wasn't sure how much time he would have left. Tim is fine and the treatment at the hospital obviously also bought him more time, even though his cancer can't be cured. I am leaving this post as it is, because Ludwig and I don't change old posts even if the circumstances have changed. And everything which I have written about Tim and his blog remains true, anyway. I am extremely glad to have Tim back and to know that he is alive and (given his health condition) well!)

Last Saturday our fellow blogger Tim the Tum passed away as a result of cancer. He had written a very touching goodbye post which was published by his wife a few days later together with the information that Tim seemingly died peacefully. The sad news and Tim's last post, full of his usual wit, moved me deeply, and so I decided to write a tribute post to him.

I have linked to Tim's site "A spanking good time" in earlier posts. In case you don't know his blog and style of writing, Tim's introduction on his profile page says it all: 48 years old, fat and balding; more hair on my chin than my head sadly. Somewhat puzzled wife and 2 genetically manic teenage kids, who both still speak to me (don't know why). I love adult spanking, but don't believe in it as a tool for raising children. Everything here is fiction, and the views given may not reflect those of the management.

Tim started his blog in November 2011. I must have discovered it around the beginning of this year and wrote my first-ever comment on Tim's blog in January, on a post about Paternalism in Spanking. Being a switch, Tim was not only into M/F spankings, but into F/M and F/F as well. And so he fought the view held by some narrow-minded spankos that M/F was the only "natural" and therefore legitimate gender constellation in spanking. M/M spankings did not hold any appeal for Tim, which is understandable for a straight guy. But unlike others, he understood that they had a great appeal for some fellow spankos like me, and he didn't confuse his personal preferences with any morale judgements about what should or shouldn't be shown in spanking clips or on spanking sites.

Tim was an avid spanking video fan and consequently published several reviews of spanking sites, among them famous ones like Punished Brats and Dreams Of Spanking and rather unusual ones likes the Japanese site Hand-Spanking. He also published many interviews, not only with well-known spanking models like Pandora Blake and Leia-Ann Woods, but also with several tops such as David Pierson, The Able Amsterdam Authoritarian Mike and Thomas Cameron. Tim interviewed fellow bloggers, too, Chross as well as Secret Spanko. And he wrote several fictional stories which you can also find on his blog.

In July this year, Tim went to see a professional spankee / spanker for a one-on-one session for the very first time. I already linked to part one and part two of his very interesting report in my post Professional Service. What touched me the most about his adventure, though, was that he went there with his wife's blessing, even though this seemingly wasn't easy for her. Tim addressed this issue in a separate post which illustrated how much the two of them had talked about the whole idea and how they had found a way that worked for both of them. The honesty between Tim and his wife, the mutual care and her brave decision to let him go on his adventure with her blessing showed how great and admirable their love relationship was.

There is another post which I would like to point out to you. It's about how Tim came to love his bottom and his body despite the fact that their shapes weren't perfect from his point of view. In my opinion, learning to love oneself unconditionally and to treat oneself with respect can be quite difficult, but is a very important precondition for a happy life. Tim's post is an example of how to do it.

Unfortunately, Ludwig didn't do much blog reading during the last year, otherwise he would have greatly enjoyed Tim's writing! Ludwig was very touched and impressed by Tim's last post and he had to laugh about his wonderful humour when I read Tim's profile text to him. Being fellow video buffs, the two of them surely would have had lots to talk about if Ludwig had spent more time in the kinky online community at the time Tim wrote his blog. Tim's illness and his bravery definitely touched both of us.

Maybe Tim's story moves me even more because of my own experiences with losing my mother to cancer only a few years ago. She was just a bit older than Tim and like him, she was a fighter and tried to make the best out of the time she had left. So, I know how it feels to lose a parent to cancer, which is why Tim's children are so much in my thoughts. It must be even harder for them. I was at least an independent adult when it happened. And ever since my mother died, I wondered how horrible it must be to lose one's beloved partner, which is why his wife, who wrote that she is most probably going to be around reading some spanking blogs, is deeply in my thoughts as well.

Within the last years, I stopped being a practising Christian and became an atheist, realising that I neither believe in God nor in the existence of an immortal soul or any kind of afterlife. Tim didn't believe in these things, either, which was why I admired him all the more for his strength and for having kept his trademark wit in the face of a fatal disease.

I had planned to include Tim's blog in our blog roll for some time. I wanted to add several blogs at a time, though, and introduce them in a special post. Sadly, I waited too long, looking for other blogs which I could include as well. So I decided to devote this post to a special fellow blogger named Tim and his wonderful blog. I know that the stats were very important for Tim and that he was sad at times because he didn't get as many comments as he had hoped for. Tim's blog was a labour of love and he wanted to reach people with it. I'm sure that he would be very happy about everyone who is inspired by one of his posts, even now that his blog has become a historical document.

Tim addressed his readers as his friends in his last post, so I guess that it will be okay with him if I do the same. It's difficult to find the right words, but I definitely can say, Tim, my friend, that your writing and your story deeply touched me and made me laugh and cry. I loved your openness, your honesty and your wit. Thank you very much, Tim, for having provided me and all your readers with a Spanking Good Time! You are already sadly missed and will remain in my memories.


Ludwig said...

As Kaelah mentioned, I haven't been doing much reading of other blogs this year, so I barely had time to look at Tim's blog while he was writing it. I knew that Kaelah liked it a lot, though, and she always kept me fairly up to date - also about the sad news of Tim's cancer. Having read a few posts on Tim's blog now, I realise what I have missed. He was a character, had a wonderful wit and a good writing style - not to mention a selection of subjects that fall exactly within my area of interest, what with all those website reviews, interviews and so on.

I truly was deeply moved by Tim's final, posthumously published post. I can only hope that one day, I will face my own end with half as much courage, contentment and good humour as Tim showed there in his writing.

It is so very sad when someone dies so prematurely. Like Kaelah, I would like to send my heartfelt condolences to Tim's wife, his children and his friends. They are the ones who were closest to Tim in life and will miss him the most. But he is already missed here in the online spanking community as well.

Fenris said...

I read Tim's touching last post this morning.
I always admired his sense of humour and his fortitude when he knew that he was facing death. When he was diagnosed with cancer, he wrote about it on his blog but deleted the post several days later as, if I remember correctly, he wanted to keep his blog fun and lighthearted without bothering his readers too much with his health condition.
Also it seemed to be obvious that his chances were not good, I was shocked to read how quickly his condition deteriorated and I sincerely regret that I didn't get in touch with him or commented on his blog as I was quite a regular reader since I discovered it.
I hope that his last months were as happy as possible and he was able to do all the things he wanted, kink-wise or not.
My thoughts are with his family.
Farewell Tim.

Stan/E. said...

I found a picture, without text on it... Maybe it will better illustrate...

Secret Spanko said...

The Tim thing really affected me. We shared a lot in common, and maintained an email correspondence. I wrote a post about him following his initial farewell- little did I know that he's passed away the night before that was posted. His last posthumous humorous post via his wife really tugged on the heartstings and I got a little sniffle reading it. Funny/Sad how you can feel so connected with someone you've never met. Adios, mi amigo.

Emen said...

This is a beautiful, touching tribute. He is much missed.

Ana said...

This is something new for me, and from your description I think I would have greatly enjoyed his blog as well. What a great sense of humor.

And as Emen says, a lovely tribute.

Lea said...

Very sad to hear about his passing. This is a very nice tribute.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear the sad news about Tim, had a few interesting discussions with him via his blog.Lost my Mother to cancer some years ago, it happens so fast.
RIP Tim, thanks for the blog, lets hope there are some spanking angels up there.Thinking of you and your family.

Kaelah said...

@ Fenris:
I didn't comment as much on Tim's blog as I would have liked to, either. But, as much as I can understand a blogger's desire to get many comments, I know that one doesn't always have the time to write comments, especially if a topic is more complicated (which usually also makes it more interesting, though). And I think Tim knew the problem. For example, he never commented on our blog, either. When I mentioned the clip with Leia-Ann on his blog, though, it turned out that he had watched it and liked it very much.

Cancer is indeed a horrible disease and often it does its destructive work much faster than one would have thought. From what he wrote, Tim obviously used every day as well as he could. And it was good to hear that he at least seemed to have passed away peacefully, even though I would have wished that he had much more time left.

@ Stan/E.:
Thanks a lot for pointing me to the picture! You used it in your tribute post, right? In this case I had chosen the picture including the text on purpose, though, because I wanted to show how the header of Tim's blog looks like and how he described his blog.

@ Secret Spanko:
Your tribute to Tim was very beautiful! I was also shocked how fast Tim passed away. I posted my comment on the post in which he announced that he would stop blogging on the day he died. He most probably didn't read it any more. It is indeed fascinating how close one can feel to someone one has never met. And I guess your relationship must have been even closer since you exchanged private e-mails. I only commented on Tim's blog and still I cried for him.

@ Emen:
Welcome and thanks a lot for commenting! Yes, Tim is definitely missed.

@ Ana:
Tim had a great sense of humour indeed! If you find the time, you can still take a look at his blog.

@ Lea:
It's always a sad thing when such a nice person passes away. But it is even more horrible when someone is as young as Tim was.

@ Al:
Thank you very much for stopping by and for your comment! Cancer is a horrible disease. I guess all we can do is to use the time that we have as well as we can. That's what Tim obviously did.

Tim the Tum said...

Oh my friend, your tribute has me in tears! Please leave it exactly as it is.

Nothing is worth the misery the ignorant bastard who posted my obit has caused my friends out there, but this post almost makes it worthwhile.

You have my abiding love, thanks and friendship.

All the best


Hermione said...

Oh, I'm so glad it was all a cruel joke. I'm happy Tim is still with us.


Ludwig said...

@ Lazarus: Wow, what a strange and nasty prank! Some people really are utter morons. Hacking someone's blogging account and posting their pre-written farewell message while adding a fake message from that person's wife really goes beyond cruel humour. It is just offensive and plain wrong.

Let's not get too annoyed over it, though, because that is just what these trolls want. The overriding feeling for me is one of happiness, because it turns out that you are still around!

Kaelah said...

@ Tim the Tum:
It's a strange situation to have you commenting on your own tribute post! I am very glad that you like it, though. I never thought that I would get your official approval. I've just added a little disclaimer to let people know that the information about your demise was nothing but a horrible hoax. It's wonderful to know that you are alive and even gained more time!

@ Hermione:
That's such wonderful news, isn't it! :-)

Peter8862 said...

Whatever sort of twisted mind could find satisfaction in this hoax. Quite incredibly cruel.

Kaelah said...

@ Peter8862:
It seems that Tim has finally found out who did it. Obviously it was someone he knows, as I had already suspected. He doesn't want to say more because he wants to protect the hacker. I can understand that, even though it might make it more difficult for some readers to believe the whole story. Tim wrote: "I can say that the action wasn't malicious or mean-spirited. It won't be repeated. It was what it was, and there were reasons for it. Not necessarily good ones, but still, ones that I can, on some level, understand. I can't tell you more than that. Well, I'm not prepared to, because of who it affects."