Kaelah's Corner (Apr 2012): I'm Not Gonna Take It

This is not going to be a sugar-coated post. Diplomatic Kaelah is on holiday today and her brutally honest but protective Klingon half has taken over. I have to say a few words, even if I know that some people won't like them. But I think there is a time when one should stand up for oneself as well. And this is the time. If you are a thin-skinned person or easily offended, consider to stop reading at this point. You have been warned!

In light of recent events, I have to stand up for Ludwig's and my right to disagree with people about certain ideas and not to do everything we are asked to do, without people immediately turning away with a melodramatic "Oh, I see my ideas are not appreciated here! You won't ever hear from me again!" message.

I have had to experience this situation far too often recently. Not just on the blog, but also in private communication. People send us emails with all kinds of ideas and requests, which in itself is absolutely fine. But in some cases when we have to turn them down for not only valid but also well-explained reasons, always accompanied by a polite "Thank you for the idea, but unfortunately, we can't do it. We hope you understand!", Ludwig and I suddenly end up with people telling us how unwelcoming we are and that not giving them what they want is offensive. And sometimes, especially in emails, the reactions are so extreme and so latently threatening that I become really scared and ask myself whether it is a good thing to put myself out there like that.

I am not talking about isolated events here, but about a pattern that seems to have developed in recent weeks. It is quite frustrating for me to try to be as open and as welcoming as possible when it suddenly seems to strike back in such a negative way. Being open and welcoming apparently gives some people the idea that they have the right to demand anything they want from Ludwig and me, but that we don't have the right to disagree or to object (at least not without being called spoilsports or offensive).

Funnily, the people who are claiming that they should be treated more respectfully often don't live up to their own standards. I try not to be thin-skinned myself. Even when I am confronted with sulking (over-) reactions, I try to stay very friendly and welcoming. But there is a limit of how much I can take as well. And that limit has been reached. So, I think it is time for a clear statement:

Disagreeing in a discussion or not satisfying every wish is not offensive. It is what responsible adults do!

I can reassure you that both Ludwig and I try to be as kind as we can to everyone who either comments here or contacts us in private. And we are very happy about comments and private messages! Ludwig and I have a different style of writing, but I think every avid reader should recognize Ludwig's sometimes tongue-in-cheek style by now, so I don't see any reason for being thin-skinned with him, either. If you aren't sure about how a certain comment is meant, just tell us and we are very happy to discuss and solve the issue. Several positive examples show that this is indeed possible as well.

But I can't put up with some people being so demanding and at the same time so thin-skinned any more. The fact that I'm trying to be nice doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings or that I can't stand up for myself. This is a blog for grownups, not for sulking five-year-olds! If people want to be treated like responsible adults, I expect them to behave like responsible adults and do others the same favour.

There, I said it! I had to let that out, no matter what some people might be thinking of me now. I'm sorry for the 99.9 per cent of you who aren't in any way concerned by this topic. I thought about not publishing this post in order not to scare you away. But, seriously, I am not willing to take it any more and I had to release my anger.

It takes a very long time to get me there. But I have no desire to be the target of passive-aggressive or even actively aggressive behaviour any more. And if I have to bite to defend myself, so be it! I know that women (unlike men) are often perceived as being hysterical when they raise their voice. But I can guarantee you, I am not. I am very calm right now. I am just pissed off. That's all.

I assure you that my next post will be about something completely different. Most probably about spanking! Thanks to everyone who raised their heads and told a few things about themselves in reply to my last post. I hope that we will soon be having many more insightful discussions about spanking and philosophy on this blog.

Who's Out There?

As the more avid readers might have noticed, there have been many new commenters on this blog lately. And while I have a lot of stress right now, this is something that makes me very happy. I might not be able to answer every comment right away at the moment, but I do read them and I am happy about everyone who takes the time to share their experiences and thoughts, may it be a regular or a first-time commenter.

What I noticed as well is that many of our commenters seem to be avid readers not only of the blog posts but also of the comments written by others. And so there have been many cross-references and discussions among our commenters lately, something which I find wonderful.

It occurred to me, though, that I have no clue where all you new commenters suddenly come from and what inspired you to step out of the shadows and say hello?! Furthermore, I usually have no idea how long and how regularly a new commenter has been reading this blog. That sometimes makes it difficult to write a reply that doesn't repeat things which a commenter might already know because I wrote them earlier somewhere, but at the same time provides enough background information in case anyone doesn't know all the old blog posts. And of course there is also still a big silent group for whom we are writing as well, and I have no idea who you guys are.

I think as a silent long-time reader of a blog, one can easily forget that while one has become familiar with the writers and the regular commenters, those people have no idea that one is out there. Until one takes the plunge and says hello that is. It is a funny feeling sometimes as a blog writer, to know that there are people out there who have followed Ludwig's and my adventures for years but about whom I don't know anything at all. Not even that you exist!

I am aware that not all of you are comfortable with sharing a lot about yourselves, and that is perfectly okay. Reader privacy is an important value for both Ludwig and me. But I thought it would be great and a lot of fun, not only for Ludwig and me but for the other readers and commenters as well, if you were willing to share a few things about yourself, so that we all can learn to know each other a bit better. So, this post is all about you out there, whether you are a regular reader or someone who has just discovered this blog, an active member of the kinky community or an observer, an avid commenter or a silent reader. You are all welcome to join in, either by just saying hi or by sharing anything you are comfortable with, for example how you found this blog and how long you have been following us. It would be very cool if many of you decided to participate!

To break the ice, I am going to make a start:

Hi, my name is Kaelah, and I discovered this blog for the first time around late summer 2008 via Spanking Tube. Some weeks earlier, I had come across the term erotic spanking for the very first time in my life, although I had had kinky fantasies since childhood. On Love Our Lurkers Day in November 2008, I wrote my first-ever comment on a kinky blog (under my then nickname K'Ehleyr). A short time later, I contacted Ludwig privately, met him for the first time in person in 2009 and asked him to introduce me into the world of spanking. Eventually, I harvested him and became his mate (yes, this is the short-short version of the whole story).

In August 2009, I became Ludwig's co-writer on this blog. I'm predominantly a bottom but also an enthusiastic switch. You can read more about my fantasies here and about myself and my hobbies here. I very much enjoy exchanging ideas with fellow kinksters, and I am curious to learn more about the other commenters on this blog. Nice to meet you!

Spanking and Stress

I am totally buried with work right now and consequently stressed out a lot. It's the reason why I don't manage to comment much on other blogs at the moment, by the way, in case anyone was wondering. Of course, being under pressure also affects my current mood. I'm not as controlled as I usually am, which I like in a way, because it means that little things like a beautiful picture or a great song can touch me even more and deeper than they normally do. The downside is that the same is true for sad things and, even more, for everything that challenges me, threatens me or makes me aggressive.

Pandora has written about having been under a lot of stress lately, too, and about how much she longs for and needs spankings in such a situation in order to feel revitalized. When I read her accounts of her spanking sessions with D and with Tom, I found a part of myself saying: "Me wants too!"

But the truth is, I am less inclined to plan or start some spanking play in my current situation. First of all, I'm so stressed out that I don't have the energy to come up with any creative ideas which makes it more difficult to play and excludes topping almost completely. Secondly, my longing for being cuddled and pampered often turns out to be stronger when I'm with Ludwig than my urge to spank or be spanked. And since Ludwig prefers to pet me instead of spanking me when I'm stressed out, we often end up cuddling instead of playing. And third, I have become aware that my opening up during being spanked goes along with the risk of giving vent to the fear and the aggressions which I try to suppress right now in order to somehow remain in working order. Those feelings then can become so overwhelming that I don't manage to turn them into something positive during a scene, so that the scene is ruined.

That's why there is most probably even less spanking play then usual when I'm under pressure, even though a part of me longs for intense spankings and the empowerment that goes along with them. I'm not sure why others like Pandora seem to be able to find a better balance. Maybe spankings work less easily for me when I'm having stress because I'm not all that submissive? Don't get me wrong, giving up some responsibility for a short period of time sounds great for me right now, but at the same time I know that in my current mood I might become quite easily upset and feel bad if things in a scene don't work out like I hoped they would. I often have toppy fantasies at the moment as well. The main problem here is that I usually don't feel like I have enough energy to take a leading part during a scene, though, and to turn it into a good experience for Ludwig, too.

That leads me to a question which I would like to ask you, dear readers. Which of these two things happens to you more often: Do you think that it is more common for you that your current mood affects your spanking play in a positive or negative way? Or is it more common for you that spanking play alters your current mood, either in a positive way as a tool for stress release or something that simply manages to make you feel happy, or in a negative way if anything doesn't work out as planned? When you are under pressure, do you tend to engage more in spanking fantasies and play, or less? Your thoughts and experiences are very welcome!

Two Dozen

A while ago, I told you how great it is to have Ludwig in spontaneous top mode. Well, it happened again! I have the bad habit of trying to put too many things into small amounts of time, especially shortly before I have to leave for an appointment. Consequently, I am often in a rush. And when Ludwig is with me that means he is in a rush, too. So, we were hastening through the streets in order to catch a train, after I had "just posted that short comment", "gathered a few things to take with me" and "quickly gone to the bathroom", when Ludwig suddenly announced that we would talk about that bad habit of mine that evening.

I knew exactly what he meant and his stern voice send a shiver through my spine. The day went by and so went the evening after we had returned back home. When it was time to go to sleep, I had already forgotten Ludwig's announcement. But I was sharply reminded of it when I came into the bedroom and found Ludwig already waiting for me, flexing a cane in his hands.

I explained that I needed a little moment to get ready for the caning and Ludwig told me to go and prepare myself. In the bathroom, two little voices in my head had a little discussion. As you all know, Ludwig and I don't do discipline spankings. So, it was absolutely clear that my bad habit was just an excuse on Ludwig's behalf for some spanking play with the added thrill of a realistic background. My problem was that the habit of being constantly in a rush is something that I really want to work on for both health reasons and for not making others hurry as well or letting them wait for me. And I knew that Ludwig really hadn't been too happy about having to rush because of me several times in the past. But I knew that teaching me some kind of lesson really wasn't the point here, it was all about relieving some stress and turning it into something positive and erotic. So, little voice one told little voice two not to worry about all the more extreme DD stuff which I had recently read and which had made me feel highly uncomfortable, but to enjoy our way of doing things.

With that in mind I went back to the bedroom. Ludwig told me to pull down my trousers and knickers, to bend over and support my weight by putting my hands on a low board. He then lectured me about not making him run around all the time by trying to do too many things shortly before we are about to leave for an appointment. His lecture was accompanied by twelve sharp strokes with the whippy rattan cane. I tried to get into the right mindset, to enjoy Ludwig's dominance and the challenge of dealing with the pain – and failed. Instead, I struggled really hard to take the ordeal and by the end tears had swelled in my eyes from the pain and the frustration of not being able to go along with the scene. Ludwig realised that quickly and ordered me over his lap where he continued with his hand. But even then I wasn't able to relax into the spanking. I tried to cry a bit but it didn't give me any relief, either.

Ludwig stopped and pulled me into his arms. "You just don't get into the right mood when there is a real-life background to a spanking", he said. As I lay on the bed, embraced by Ludwig, my pants still around my ankles, I tried to gather my thoughts and feelings. I told Ludwig that my mind hadn't gone blank like it had before. But there was still that fear that he could really think I needed or deserved a punishment in order to change my behaviour, because that's how many others obviously deal with things. And I couldn't relax into the scene because I was scared that Ludwig was really upset and that I had hurt him.

Actually, I think one aspect that really bothered me, is that spanking would most possibly indeed work quite well to make me change my behaviour - out of fear. It would also mean that I wouldn't feel comfortable to share my faults with my partner any more, as I realised a few days later when I told Ludwig about a mistake which I had made and which I knew could potentially upset him. I need that openness, though, and I think that forgiveness shouldn't have to be earned in a love relationship but granted for free. But that's the topic of another post.

Anyhow, Ludwig reassured me that he doesn't at all believe in spanking as a way to change behaviour in a love relationship. He just enjoys the thrill of adding some real-life background to our play and maybe even using a spanking to release some tension and turn it into a shared erotic experience. I very much like that approach and told Ludwig that I didn't understand why I couldn't get into the right mindset for that. "That's because you feel guilty for things too easily ", Ludwig replied. And he was right!

Ludwig suggested to go to bed but I felt revitalized and had something different on my mind. I pushed myself up on all fours in order to be able to look around the room. Ludwig grinned and told me that I better shouldn't do that, especially not with my pants and knickers still around my ankles. I had found what I had been searching for, though, and left the bed, remaining on all fours. That way I made it to the nearby table, where I had spotted the cane. Like a petgirl, I took the cane with my teeth, turned around and made my way back to Ludwig. We both had to laugh because I realised how difficult it is to grab and carry a cane with one's teeth and lost it twice on my way.

Back at the bed, I put the cane onto Ludwig's lap. He looked at me, puzzled. I explained myself by simply going onto the bed on all fours, lowering my head down and pushing my bottom up into the air. "So, you want me to cane you again?" - It didn't take much to convince Ludwig. And so, the cane bit into my buttocks for the second time that evening. After stroke number two or three, I started questioning my sanity. Luckily, Ludwig granted me a few more seconds in between the next strokes when I asked him for it. After the second dozen on that day, Ludwig decided that I was done. When I looked at the marks, I realised to my relief that I hadn't been such a bad wimp the whole time as I had thought. There were some visible red tramlines.

We quickly took a picture which unfortunately doesn't really do the marks justice. And then I submissively attended to Ludwig, showing him my gratefulness. Ah, wait a moment! Nope. That was not exactly what happened. Instead, for some reason, my dominant side suddenly took over. Which didn't keep me from attending to Ludwig, though.

Could You Do Without?

A while ago, Pixie raised the intriguing question how fetish flexible her readers are. What she particularly wanted to know was: "I am wondering how willing you are to explore beyond your own particular fetish interests to meet the needs of someone else." As I wrote my comment, I realised that this question led to another topic, one that I find very intriguing and important as well. This is what I wrote:

The most important thing in a partnership for Ludwig and me is openness and honesty. So, we openly tell each other about our erotic fantasies and fetishes. Since making one’s partner happy is a fulfilling experience per se, we of course try to make each other’s dreams come true. As long as there are no negative images connected with a certain scenario or fetish, why not try it, at least once? Maybe it even becomes a shared fantasy or fetish over time. If one of us is in the mood to try out a certain fantasy, the other often develops fitting fantasies, too.

But if one of us has the feeling that trying out a certain scene or fetish could lead to a negative experience, we say it as well. I have to admit that living out a fantasy knowing that my partner feels really uncomfortable with it hasn’t got any appeal for me, anyway. I prefer not to try it in that case.

Ludwig and I are lucky, though, because our desires fit quite well. Of course we had to make some compromises, but so far we have always found a solution that works for both of us. When it comes to spanking scenes, I think we are both very open as tops and have more hard limits (for example concerning scenarios) when playing as bottoms. But luckily, our hard limits (spanking and otherwise) don’t affect each other’s core fantasies, which means that neither of us has to do without a core kink.

That said, I am not sure whether I could live with a partner whose sexual desires and kinks were so different from mine that we didn’t have much in common and most sexual activities would consist of one partner doing something just because it was the other partner’s fetish.

I guess that I would always have signed that last paragraph. But some years ago I wouldn't have assumed that spanking could be a part of my sex-life with a partner at all. For me, my kinky fantasies were just that, fantasies, something to play out in my head only. The thought of bringing any of those fantasies to life never really occurred to me. Consequently, being into spanking wasn't a necessary quality for a potential mate.

Ludwig told me that for him it was quite similar. Even after he had found out that the thing which he was into was called spanking, he still was quite happy with only fantasising about spanking and watching videos. And even when he decided to try it for real, Ludwig never expected to find a woman who shared his kink. His idea of an ideal partnership involved love, trust and shared interests, but not erotic spanking. Finding a woman who was also okay with him watching spanking clips from time to time was the most perfect image he could think of.

Now that we have both lived in a love relationship that involves spanking and BDSM for three years, things have changed, though. With the knowledge that this is indeed possible, the idea of sharing one's life with a mate who doesn't share this particular core kink seems much less desirable than it did before. As a matter of fact, we both can't imagine living with a partner who doesn't share our kink any more.

How about you? Is erotic spanking just a fantasy for you or something that you want to do for real? Are you maybe still looking for Mr or Mrs Right? Does he or she have to be kinky? Or are you maybe already living in a relationship? Does your mate share your kink? If no, how do you deal with that? And if yes, how important is that shared kink for you? Has your view about love relationships and the question of sharing one's fetishes with one's mate changed over time? We are curious to hear from you!

The Haunted House

Outside the little village, there was an old derelict house. It had been abandoned many years ago and nature had already started to take back what once belonged to it. There was a rumour about this special house. It was said that the house was haunted. Several villagers who had passed by the ruin on a walk through the woods reported to have seen the figure of a young woman. She looked like a human being but couldn't be alive, since she never spoke nor moved, and her figure was told to be semi-transparent, as if she wasn't really there.

Some had spotted her through the broken glass of the window to the former living room of the house. Others insisted on having seen her outside, on the stairs to the old porch which was now overgrown with ivy. She was also reported to have appeared in the shelter beneath the porch that still was the home of some rotting garden chairs.

All witnesses described her very similarly, her dishevelled clothes and her posture, bent-over, her head turned around, he eyes looking back over her shoulder, as if she was awaiting someone or something. Who she was and what or whom she was looking for, no one knew, though.

But one day a lucky witness managed to take some pictures. And so the desperate villagers decided to publish them in the hope to find out more about the ghost of the old, haunted house.

Maybe someone can help with some hints about the mysterious young woman's identity and history? What has happened many years ago and why is she still coming back to that rotting place? Maybe we can solve the riddle together. Please post your ideas and investigative clues in the comment section!

M/M Spankings: A Heterosexual Man's View

(M/M school spanking role-play. Picture courtesy of Sting Pictures.)

I have written about my F/F spanking play experiences as a heterosexual woman and about the appeal that M/M spanking scenes have for me. There are many posts written by heterosexual men on their liking of F/F scenes and there are blogs written by male gays which feature lots of M/M spanking content. But I haven't come across any posts written by heterosexual men about M/M spanking, yet.

There are heterosexual men out there who enjoy watching M/M clips, though. Ludwig, for example, once had a subscription to Spanking Central because he was curious and, even though M/M isn't his most favourite constellation, he enjoyed the effort which they put into their videos. Some heterosexual men even go one step further and participate in M/M spanking play. I haven't read anything about their experiences though.

For obvious reasons I can't write a post about M/M spanking scenes from the view of a heterosexual male. But for me this is a very intriguing topic, so I decided to ask a heterosexual man who has made experiences with M/M play instead. Our regular readers know him as an avid commenter on this blog – please welcome Donpascual! Donpascual was so kind to answer my questions about his view on M/M spanking play and his personal experiences. I think he has very fascinating tales to tell. Please enjoy.

Donpascual, a warm welcome and thank you very much for having taken the time to share your experiences! Could you please tell our readers a few words about yourself?

Being an Oldie now, I have been nurturing a life long spanking passion: It started out with collecting magazines and books. Later, I found a few terrible 8mm films without sound and copies of copies of VHS rip offs (Soho took a lot of my money over the years). Then digital DVDs became available, and finally downloads of all kinds of kinky stuff followed. Collecting spankobilia certainly was a nice hobby, but far more important: I was lucky enough to find a lovely wife as a spanking partner and tolerant accomplice regarding my activities as a top. I have been a witness to the whole development of the spanko scene. At the end, I also participated in spanking events and even organized some of them myself on behalf of "SpankingFreunde". Getting interviewed by a well known Blogger now, adds a finishing touch to an interesting spanker's career.

That sounds like a very exciting life spiced up with lots of spanking fun. And thank you for that lovely compliment, it is my pleasure that you are willing to share your story here on our blog! Now, the main reason why I asked you for an interview is the fact that you, being a heterosexual man, have made experiences with M/M play. What was the background of your first M/M scene?

The setting or scenario, where this happened for the first time, was a weekend of boarding school play with both genders as submissives. We had some tops as teachers, and I was supposed to play the headmaster. Whoever misbehaved – always deliberately of course - could have gotten away with corner time or a few swats on a fully covered bottom in the class room. At the teacher's discretion, however, it could also mean a trip to the headmaster's study carrying a punishment slip.

There, the culprit would receive a distinctly harsher treatment: the belt or cane given on the bare bottom. As a rule it was a one to one affair, and not much humiliation to endure. The "girls" had no problems with this, nor did I. But since we had a mixed class, the "boys" were liable to get the same treatment when really displeasing the teacher.

Thus I was confronted – fully virginal and unprepared for an encounter with a man – with two "boys" sent for punishment. Both "boys" were experienced bottoms, one of them a wiry sporty type wearing an old fashioned tight Lederhose (leather shorts), which I remembered from my own childhood, seventy years ago, when I had worn such a very practical garment myself. The other one was a lovely transvestite, a rather charming young lady in a perfectly fitting original English school uniform.

How did your first M/M scene unfold and what were your feelings at the time?

I simply had no plan how to handle the situation. You might speculate – at least as a possibility – that I could not force myself to touch a man on such short notice. You would be wrong. Since the rules for playing had been agreed upon beforehand, everyone knew what to expect. I was the top and they had accepted their roles as bottoms. Why should I find it difficult, strange, abhorrent, perverse, or distasteful to spank a male bottom? After all, a bottom is a bottom! Or is it?

With the chronological order of punishments I was lucky. The first six of the best I delivered on the leather pants stretched to bursting point. OK, right, I played for time until cornered and forced to go all the way for a bared bottom. But mind you, I remembered very well from my days as an eight years old - were the stick in school was as normal as nose bleeding in a fight - the fear of the intense sting of a cane thrashing down on a drum-tight leather bottom compressing the cheeks underneath without option to escape. It hurts!

This first caning of a grown man therefore was very much more a trip down memory lane, not at all a question of "should I dare?", "Can I do it?", "Will he resent it?" I had a task at hand and was jolly well going to make it sting! And I knew, it would sting! A lot!

In the back of my head, I also knew that this was role playing, and everybody was participating quite voluntarily. He had been bidding his time for the whole first day, cautiously "testing the waters" until he finally summoned his courage on the second day, and decided to go for the jackpot, so to speak.

So he had to stretch over the low horse, bottom well presented and I made him count out six pretty hard stingers. Of course he got a telling off beforehand. This always was the hardest part for me: Telling off a culprit in a role play can be quite a strain on the face muscles.

This first caning, I do not remember very well; the second and third all the better. For the second caning, I simply increased the number of strokes; and I made sure, he felt them. But the whole thing developed to a sort of a contest. When he turned up for the third time, I had no choice. Following a few scathing remarks about his constant lack of appropriate behaviour, a told him to lower his pants. Down they came as a matter of fact and there he stood - naked. I did not expect that, but I should have (as boys we loved to wear the leather on bare skin).

His bottom was very lean and muscular, not at all displeasing or unattractive. I caned him two dozen times and heard some moaning for the first time. Interesting that I was keen on getting some noticeable reward for my ministrations, instead of pondering about the altogether incredible situation, or refusing to go all the way including baring his butt.

Well, this scene was unusual, in a way, because he was a homosexual in an M/M relationship. For him, it was quite normal to bare his bottom to another man; for me, it was absolutely new territory. Nevertheless, I did not judge it quite as exotic as it most probably was – as seen from the outside.

Were you involved in another M/M scenario on that weekend?

Indeed I was. Later that afternoon, our transvestite schoolgirl paid me a visit. "She" was a carefully groomed young man of middle height with a slim but not particularly athletic body. When I first met him/her, he was discussing sports cars at the bar! There was absolutely no telling that he might climb into women’s clothes within the hour.

"She" later told me that "she" was used to be spanked quite severely by male friends but did not have or want sex with them. With "her" I felt quite comfortable. Evidently, the old M/F pattern took over, particularly when baring "her" cleanly shaven, very womanly bottom. I almost took it easy on "her" as I did with the other "girls". But "she" told me not to hold back and "she" departed with a nice set of welts.

In a way, your first M/M experiences happened a bit unexpectedly in a situation where you had to muster determination not to back out of what was confronting you. Did you ever participate voluntarily in another M/M scene again later?

In fact I did on a few more occasions, however, without much enthusiasm. Probably, I would spank men again, depending on the right occasion and an agreeable mutual chemistry with an attractive bottom. Most likely, my ideal male bottom would have to be a friend, not a total stranger. Altogether, I might accept all kinds of partners except the typical middle aged pain addict and femdom victim. That has something to do with aesthetic limits on my side.

Complete nudity is not really necessary either, as you have stated [in the post about M/M play from a woman's point of view]. It is absolutely possible to think of a tableau with two completely dressed men as nevertheless electrifying. But – as a rule – I would want to bare his bottom depending on the script.

I certainly do not get any sexual gratification out of spanking men, but I also do not resent them as bottoms. My role topping a male bottom is most likely that of the classical helper, fulfilling the bottom's fantasies. That discussion about who is in the end topping whom is age old, of course. No need to go into that now.

Have you ever watched an M/M spanking clip?

I have been looking at a lot of M/M websites and downloaded many videos. Nearly all of them are involving gay bottoms and tops, particularly the ones involving twinks. It is a shame, that especially these young men with rather attractive bodies and well formed bottoms are mostly gay. The plainly sexual mood is not what I would want to get involved in.

As you have put it, we both like the purely punitive nonsexual M/M play which is so dam difficult to find. And you are right, mixed gender group play with several participants is not available on a video.

But once, I have participated in a wild weekend party, where the men got spanked by several tops, male and female. That was also the only occasion, where I have switched. And that is another lesson to be learned: public play follows chaotic rules and you never know whether you find yourself in quite unexpected situations. Simply relax, have fun, and enjoy!

That already sounds like a good conclusion for this interview! If you had to offer a short additional conclusive statement on your view on M/M play, though, what would that be?

If the top is not gay, a man as bottom cannot offer much in terms of excitement. But it can be entertaining spanking another man, nevertheless. The fun factor may be discovered in creative role playing. In mixed company, I would participate in a "free for all" any time, as I once did with a group of friends.

Thank you very much for having taken the time for this interview, Donpascual! I have to say that your point of view on M/M spankings reminds me very much of my own feelings towards F/F play.

Dear readers, I hope you enjoyed this interview. Please feel free to post remarks, questions or your own tales and experiences in the comment section. Donpascual also asked my to publish his e-mail address, in case someone wants to ask a question but is too shy to do so publicly. You can contact Donpascual at donpascual ~at~ aol ~dot~ com.

Non Compos Mentis

I received a wonderful compliment from Ludwig. I am blessed because he always says many loving and complimentary things. And normally, sexual compliments aren't the most important ones to me.

But this was special because it was said wholeheartedly in a mental and physical state that didn't allow for too much rational thinking and planning. One might also say that Ludwig was non compos mentis at the time. After some loving activities, which I won't describe in detail here (I'm shy, you know?), Ludwig looked up at me, still in a daze, and asked in reference to Pandora's kinky merit badges: "Is there a sex goddess merit badge as well?"

Don't worry, I'm not so arrogant to believe that I am a sex goddess or anywhere close to it. But it is wonderful to know that with the close bond and the mutual understanding between us, I can help Ludwig to get into a state of happiness in which he for a short time believes that I might be one after all...

Normally, Ludwig likes to mock me, even in a state of dizziness after I have attended to him. For example, by asking who I am and telling me not to inform his girlfriend about what we have just done. Because she is quite jealous, you know?

I usually don't need to give Ludwig any verbal feedback about his abilities as a lover. My physical and vocal reactions are evidence enough. Ludwig loves to tease me by repeating my expressions of enthusiasm afterwards. He likes to joke that we should make different kinds of videos for those viewers who prefer more vocal reactions. It seems it is only during spankings that I'm rather stoic. Well, not always, either.

Anyway, I am definitely not the most experienced person when it comes to sex. After all, Ludwig is my first and only partner. I'm sure about one thing though: For me, affection, bonding and love are the things that make sex one of the most wonderful inventions on earth. Because with affection it is a rewarding experience to take the time to find out about one's partners preferences and desires and to attend to them. The emotional bonding on the other hand allows us to let go and enjoy what is coming.

Of course that goes for spanking as well. Without affection and trust it can't work out in my opinion. Maybe the two are even more important when it comes to kinky play compared to vanilla sex. With affection and trust we can explore even those things which we might at first be too shy to talk about.

I'm in the extremely wonderful situation to have found a mate with whom I can share all that. One who says wonderful things to me, even when he is not in an ecstatic mental state.

I have to admit that I'm curious, though: What are the most funny or the most beautiful things which you have ever said or been told in a dizzy state after an intense spanking scene or some other sexual activity? Did you ever say something for which you refused to take any responsibility later, claiming that you were non compos mentis at the time?