Kaelah's Corner (Jan 2011): Enlightenment Guaranteed

This is the second and final part of my account of my first-ever topping experience. I wrote about my thoughts and fears prior to the scene in my Kaelah's Corner post from November titled Top Or Flop?. The last edition of Kaelah's Corner should already have been the second part of my account, but then Mr Sacher-Masoch cropped up and I decided to write about him first in my post Curse My Name. So, this post is a bit delayed. But, finally, here we go:

In November we left the crime scene just after Ludwig's back whipping had started and my first stroke had hit the target. After that first stroke something strange and wonderful happened – all my fears faded and I became very calm. Despite of this being my very first experience as a spanker, despite of having to coordinate the spanking with Leia-Ann and despite of the cameras I almost reached a contemplative mindset.

Like a wave the spanking flowed back and forth between Leia-Ann, Ludwig and me. I was in a rhythm of preparing for a stroke, executing the stroke, watching (and enjoying) Ludwig's reaction, hearing him count, watching Leia-Ann's preparation and stroke, Ludwig's reaction and counting, preparing myself again and so on.

This might be a rather strange comparison and I don't want to equate erotic spanking with praying, but the experience reminded me of something I had seen in a monastery. The monks there prayed divided into two groups, one group sitting on the left and the other one on the right side of the room. The first group read out one line, made a short break and breathed, read the second line and then the other group took over without a break, reading one line, breathing, reading a second line and so on. During that experience I had a similar image of a wave flowing through the room in my mind as I had during the spanking.

As a bottom I'm sometimes in a mindset that is quite similar to the one I experienced while flogging Ludwig. But as a bottom all the parameters have to be just right. It has to be a longer scene that allows me to find my rhythm. And I must have come to a point where the fear is gone and I'm sure that I can take it all and stay on top. Then I'm getting into a rhythm of receiving a stroke, feeling the wave of pain, breathing, counting, preparing for the next stroke and so on. I got into that state of mind towards the end of my severe caning and also partially during my very first spanking.

Ludwig wrote about a similar experience to the one I had while spanking him in his behind the scenes report from his shoot for Mood Pictures. In his post Part IV of the Hostel Trilogy: Communion he described his first caning with the brave Rita as his victim as follows: After half a dozen cane strokes, I went into a trance. I forgot the cameras, the people, the room around me. My universe consisted of me, Rita, my aim, the last stroke and the next. Even her screams were mere indicators of how hard I was hitting, disembodied, not fully there. Max and the nurse were vaguely present in my consciousness as well, in case they gave me a signal. But they never did - of all the victims, Rita was the only one to make it through in one single take. She was a real trooper. There was a round of applause. Max Lomp walked over to me, gave me a firm handshake and said "Congratulations!" in English. I mumbled: "Thank you..." My mind was still somewhere else (wait a minute, I think the scene is over). The room came alive again, the crew finishing everything up.

I have to admit that when I read Ludwig's account back in March 2009 it scared me. One of my thoughts was that the description sounded very detached, “clinical” as Ludwig even called it himself. I wasn't sure whether being in such a kind of trance might be dangerous to the bottom, whether the top would still be able to recognize the bottom's reactions, his or her needs, maybe a signal that it was becoming to much, that a break was needed or something like that.

That's another reason why I am so happy that I've started switching, because now I think I understand what Ludwig described. And from my own experience I know that being in a contemplative mindset doesn't mean that one is detached from the bottom. The mindset includes the bottom as an integral part. While I was in something that one might describe as a kind of “trance”, I was still highly concentrated, I noticed all of Ludwig's reactions (from the footage it seems like I even winced in sympathy from time to time) and I was in permanent contact with Leia-Ann.

It seems to be a bit like practising Tai Chi in a group. In order to execute the form fluently you have to be focussed on your own breath, mind and moves, but at the same time you have to coordinate the tempo and the moves with the others. Executing a Tai Chi form in a group creates a completely different level of energy, one you can't achieve when practising the form alone.

Well, that's the best way I can describe it. It all went quite fast, actually. Suddenly Ludwig counted out 28 and I realised that this was going to be my last stroke. Like all the previous ones it was on target and elicited a visible but beautifully restrained reaction from Ludwig. Leia-Ann executed the final stroke and to my regret the first part of Ludwig's ordeal was over.

I could see the marks caused by Leia-Ann quite well and they weren't all too bad, although Leia-Ann hadn't held back, either, after she had noticed that I had administered my first strokes with almost no restraint. But from where I was standing during the scene I could not clearly see the whole area of the marks I had produced. Maybe that was my luck, because otherwise I probably would have done the strokes less hard. Ludwig's skin marks very easily and the marks from our mean little flogger were quite visible.

My first reaction was a very surprised but not completely displeased: “Oh my...” When I inspected the marks closer I realised that I had even drawn a bit of blood. Nothing serious, just one little weak spot that I had already noticed earlier but couldn't avoid with an implement like a flogger. While there weren't any visible marks from Leia-Ann's flogger left on Ludwig's back the next day, the ones from my little mean flogger lasted for more than one week. So I can happily state that my first spanking left a visible fingerprint on my mate. In a phone call some time later Ludwig admitted that he had underestimated the back whipping, a statement that filled me with pride, knowing that he prefers a proper spanking experience on the rare occasions when he switches.

But the ordeal wasn't over, yet. Ludwig still had 18 cane strokes on his bare bottom to come. And I had one little but extremely pleasant job to do before I would step aside and watch Leia-Ann's fantastic caning skills: After having told Ludwig to remove his jeans, I was the one to pull down his underpants. That was something I had wanted to do for a long time and I savoured the moment, taking my time as I slowly removed his underparts and admired his beautiful and at that point still unmarked bottom.

Then I stepped aside and watched the caning standing next to Ludwig. Unfortunately I couldn't move a lot because there wasn't much space. But I could admire Leia-Ann's excellence of execution as well as Ludwig's beautiful reactions. For some brief moments I even managed to make eye contact with Ludwig and I held his head up placing my fingers under his chin in order to make sure that the viewers would have a good sight of his reactions as well.

Unfortunately I didn't manage to get into any kind of special mental state this time. As an observer I was torn between a toppy and a sympathetic mindset. And I was very concentrated on not moving too much and not obscuring the viewer's sight on Ludwig's facial reactions. But at least I could admire the beautifully accurate stripes Leia-Ann had produced once the caning was over. Leia-Ann told me that caning Ludwig was like painting a canvas. Well, all I can say is that she is a very talented painter indeed! I ran my fingers over Ludwig's bottom, feeling the welts and admiring Leia-Ann's handiwork. The marks proved that it had been a proper caning and that my mate had struggled a very brave fight indeed.

After a special little bonus scene which I won't give away to you now and a spontaneous short interview with Leia-Ann our shoot was over. I used the chance to remove my shirt again and ask Ludwig for a back whipping with Leia-Ann's flogger. He happily obliged. And it felt wonderful, I definitely want a specimen like that! A memorable afternoon was concluded with a delicious meal at a pub and a lot more chatting and laughing. Thank you very much for a wonderful experience, Leia-Ann and Ludwig! And as far as playing as a top goes, rest assured everyone that I have tasted blood...

Third Blogiversary

Today is my third blogiversary. January 25th of 2008 was the day when I embarked on this adventure.

As always, it is a reminder of how quickly time passes, subjectively. I am amazed by the realisation that I have been writing for three years already. I guess Rohrstock-Palast has now officially left the wee youngsters behind and joined the ranks of the middle-aged spanking blogs. Not quite old and venerable yet, but middle-aged. The phase of life when the real king Ludwig I named myself after became even stranger and more bizarre than before, until serious questions were being raised about his ability to rule. A bad omen? We will see. The real Ludwig never had a mate like Kaelah to keep him grounded. By the way, Kaelah has now been actively blogging for one year and five months herself, so she is not a wee youngster anymore, either.

Looking back at my second blogiversary, one year ago, I notice that I finished with this passage: "In rock music, they say that it is a band's third album that 'makes it or breaks it' .The first album is your debut, usually well-received. The second one is a sophomore effort that builds on the first. But it's the third album that really, really counts. Does the same apply to spanking blogs? I'll approach my third year as if it did."

Damn, I wish I had not written that. The third year of blogging was definitely my weakest one. As it turned out, I was occupied a lot by non-kinky tasks, I also had some burnout and a bit of a dry spell creatively, and I ended up making much fewer posts than before. Had it not been for Kaelah jumping into the breach, the blog might have run out of momentum altogether. Well, maybe that is the "make it or break it" lesson in my particular case: that I can keep going through a dry time, if necessary with a little help. My thanks go to Kaelah and to the readers who remained loyal followers and active commenters.

That said, with fifty-six posts altogether, many of them having the usual substantial length, it was by no means an unproductive year of blogging by any normal standard. Moreover, while it was also more quiet than 2009 in terms of filmmaking, with no epic productions with the likes of Mood Pictures or Lupus Pictures, I had two very enjoyable shoots with Pandora Blake and Leia-Ann Woods (okay, the latter involved my second F/M scene on camera, so it wasn't enjoyable all the time...). We made some very good "chamber music-style" spanking videos there, which has a charm all of its own compared to the more "orchestral" stuff I had done before. And I was very happy about having Kaelah in front of the camera with me. Filming as a couple makes for a very different, interesting experience as well. The results of these two shoots have not been published yet, but they will be this year, as free content.

Speaking of free clips and filming as a couple, I am very happy that Kaelah and I finally managed to publish our first spanking video just before the end of the year, as a Christmas present for you. That one had already been filmed in 2009, of course. I had never found the time to edit it. But now it is out at last, the response was great and it ended 2010 on a highly positive note for me blogging-wise and filmmaking-wise.

So, Enter the Dachshund is probably my favourite post of last year. The preliminary shoot reports which Kaelah wrote about our work with Pandora and Leia are a good read, My First Day At School - On Camera! and Top or Flop?. There will be more about that. We did a small, fun video with Kaelah getting spanked as a Starfleet ensign, which is what you the readers had voted for. Kaelah was thought-provoking as usual with many introspective posts about her kink, such as I Don't Need No Education, Love, Peace and Happiness and Egoist?!. My personal highlights in terms of writing were probably The Old Man and the Sea, the story of our good friend Peter from the UK, and Paranoia 101, which started out as a little throwaway idea and became what I thought was a really funny post.

As I said, maybe it was not such a terrible year of blogging after all. Still, I plan to make 2011 a better one. I am reluctant to make any specific announcements before the eggs are hatched, but there is definitely some diverse and interesting content in the works. I have been feeling quite inspired these recent weeks and I think that I am over my dry spell. I am looking forward to putting my ideas out there, together with my mate, and I am looking forward to the next times when we will be visiting kinky friends.

The long-term future beyond 2011 is unclear to me. I am not sure that I see myself still doing this another three years from now, so it is quite possible that I am past my halfway mark as a blogger already. On the other hand, who knows? As time passes, I may find that I still have the drive and the ideas to keep going on and on. I honestly don't know. Right now, I feel good, I am enjoying the ride, and I am thankful as always for your continued interest.

Dealing With Pain

Scientists of the Bergmannsheil University Hospital in Bochum found out in a neurologic study last year that the brains of martial artists seem to react differently to pain than the average brain. The test persons who were practising martial arts dealt with pain in a much more relaxed way and were less sensitive. The scientists assumed that this was because inurement is an important part of the martial arts training and therefore experiencing pain is something rather normal for martial artists and doesn't have such a strong negative connotation as it has for the average person. I wonder whether the same could be true for spankees as well?

The thought occurred to me when I had a little medical intervention several weeks ago. I had some problems with my skin and my dermatologist suggested to improve the skin appearance using a laser. The procedure wasn't strictly necessary from a medical point of view. I'm used to different skin problems and to not being able to do much about it. So I had been reluctant about the lasing for a long time as well. But even my dermatologist, who is very hesitant about surgeries for "cosmetical" reasons, saw almost no risk, but a good chance for some improvement. So I finally decided to give it a try.

I didn't know exactly what the procedure would be like and assumed that I would be given several small injections to numb the areas that were supposed to be lasered. I hate needles, but I knew that this was just a mental challenge. So I decided not to make a fuzz about it. After all, I wanted this and no one had forced me into it.

My appointment was in the morning and my doctor had told me that I would be able to go to work afterwards. So I didn't take a day off and just checked with my colleagues that I would be a bit later.  Still I was nervous when I was led into the surgery room because the last time I had been there some years ago I had struggled immensely with my low blood pressure during the surgery.

But the preparations went quite fast and I tried not to think too much about these possible problems. When I was lying on the treatment couch my doc came in. To my surprise I was told that I wouldn't get any injections at all, the pain caused by the laser was supposed to be bearable without any anaesthesia. That was great news!

I guess some years ago the prospect of being shot at with a laser without any anaesthesia would have scared me. But this time I simply trusted in my pain threshold and my ability to deal with pain which from my spanking experiences wasn't lower than that of the average person. And so, my personal episode of Star Wars began. Darth Vader, formerly known to me as my dermatologist, really seemed to love his toy!

And I? I did what I often do during spankings as well: Counting the hits. There were between less than ten and more than thirty of them on the different single spots. The pain felt a bit like the one caused by the tips of our mean flogger, but there was only one hit at a single time. And so the pain was really bearable. When it built up a bit from time to time I breathed out in a controlled manner like I do during a spanking as well. And with every new spot I was coming closer to my desired aim.

Then it was over. In the past I would have been afraid to look at the results, but this time I was sure that it would be okay and that the little wounds would heal. I was even a bit proud that I managed to take the lasing well, even though the marks proved that it was having an effect. The doctor left and his assistant cooled my skin with icepacks, put ointment on it and bandaged the wounds. Just like Ludwig and I did after my severe caning, I thought. And somehow I found the bandages quite cool. I went up, got dressed, happily left the surgery and went to work as planned.

Indeed the healing process went fine. Unfortunately the lasing didn't solve the whole skin problem but my skin appearance has improved a bit at least. The whole experience left me wondering, though: Did my kinky play as a spankee, the resulting self-confidence and the more positive relation to pain help me to deal better with the surgery? It had been surprising for me how much the whole event had resembled my kinky “heroine” fantasies.

But maybe another experience has influenced my way of dealing with surgeries much more than spanking? Because the changes had already started before I made my first kinky experience. When my mum was very ill she had to suffer through many painful and horrid therapies and surgeries. And she handled it with adorable bravery! I often accompanied her and it became clear to me that many things I was afraid of, like blood sampling, were nothing compared to the things she had to endure. So I decided not to make such a fuzz about these things any more. Maybe that experience even played a role in my decision to take the plunge into the world of spanking.

So, is that  maybe the real reason why I'm more relaxed about surgeries and pain today than I was earlier? Or did the spanking experiences maybe have an additional effect? Interestingly, it only seems to work with pain related to examinations or surgeries that I assume to be good for me. It doesn't work for example with headaches or any kind of pain which indicates that something might be wrong. So, what are your experiences? Erotic spanking and the ability to deal with pain and fear in other situations - is there a positive influence? Does it depend on the fantasies one has? Any thoughts?

Parlez-vous francais?

I am pleased to inform you that Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast has been selected as "blog of the month" at Au Fil des Jours, a French spanking blog written by Stan/E. "Blog du mois" is a new feature which Stan/E. started in January this year, and Kaelah and I feel especially honoured to be the first recipients. To my knowledge, it is the first time that I am blog of the month anywhere, in any language (about damn time, too, after three years of writing!).

It is not the first time, however, that Au Fil des Jours has come to my attention. When Kaelah posted a photostory titled To Everything There Is A Season in March last year, showcasing some pictures we had made with her naked in the snow, I noticed through my traffic stats that our post was being eagerly discussed at this French blog. The nice thing about it was that Stan/E. did not simply re-post the pictures with a "Whoa, look at that gorgeous chick!" treatment, as others might have done. He took an interest in us as people, he recounted in detail Kaelah's comments about the making of the pictures, how she almost froze her toes off, and he was full of admiration for "la téméraire demoiselle", the "daring young lady". When Kaelah and I recently published our first spanking video, Stan/E. again featured it on his blog, labelling it "à voir absolument", a "must see".

Now that we are blog of the month, the accompanying text reads: "A German blog which I think is great... I was seduced by the tone, the details and the proposed recent link. Their video 'first spanking' is very pleasant, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did... Their blog for four hands (they take turns posting and the young woman has her own section, Kaelah's Corner, an excellent idea to have two bell sounds, the views of male and female) is in English, which they have mastered perfectly... They are sincere, very active, and you will be as intrigued as me by the sensuello-porno-erotico-spanko experiments of this young couple from the other side of the Rhine, including Ludwig's first steps as an actor in Czech and English productions..." Confirmation that the French do indeed possess a fine sense of taste.

Alright, enough flattery. But really, what pleases me most about this accolade is that it comes from an unexpected corner of the web. It has been my impression that the French spanking community is a bit more isolated than some others, that they largely stick to their own blogs and websites in their own language and don't mingle too much with les étrangers. Of course, this is true to some extent of the German spanking community as well. But I think it is more pronounced with the French, for whatever cultural reasons. So I am delighted about how this contact has come to be.

I am trying to scrape together what remains of my French so I can return the favour and leave a couple of comments on Stan/E.'s blog. Long ago, I learned French in school, but I was never as good in it as I was in English, and I have been out of practice ever since. My reading comprehension skills are much better than my writing. Kaelah never learned French at all, so she relies entirely on online translators, something the humanist scholar in me is extremely reluctant to do. But we will manage one way or the other. It would be great to learn more about les fessophiles (la fessée = spanking) and their particular kinks.

If you would like to take a look, Au Fil des Jours is an excellent starting point. Stan/E. presents a tastefully chosen selection of photographs and drawings from various sources, so even if you don't speak a single word of French, it should be of interest to you. Moreover, even though it is a picture-heavy blog, there is enough text to give an insight into the mind of the author, to provoke thoughts and to entertain. There is also a good link collection to other French spanking blogs.

In closing, I would like this post to be understood as an official encouragement for my French readers to delurk, if there are any. Over the years, I have exchanged spanko email correspondence with one or two Frenchmen whom I recall, a Franco-Canadian and one Belgian (who might have been Flemish or Wallonian, I don't know). But given how many native French speakers there are across the globe, you seem a bit under-represented. So, if you are around, don't be shy. Let us know about it.

Kaelah Not in Furs

The Titian painting "Venus with a Mirror",

from which Severin gets the idea of "Venus in Furs".

In the last edition of Kaelah's Corner I wrote about Sacher-Masoch's “Venus in Furs” and how much energy it cost me to read the novella because it made me feel very uncomfortable. Today I would like to add a few thoughts about the kinky relationship between Severin and Wanda, the two main characters of the book, and why I think that the form of kink described in the novella isn't healthy. To give you an overview of the storyline here is a short plot description from Wikipedia: 

The framing story concerns a man who dreams of speaking to Venus about love while she wears furs. The unnamed narrator tells his dreams to a friend, Severin, who tells him how to break him of his fascination with cruel women by reading a manuscript, Memoirs of a Suprasensual Man. 

This manuscript tells of a man, Severin von Kusiemski, so infatuated with a woman, Wanda von Dunajew, that he requests to be treated as her slave, and encourages her to treat him in progressively more degrading ways. At first Wanda does not understand or relate to the request, but after humouring Severin a bit she finds the advantages of the method to be interesting and enthusiastically embraces the idea; though at the same time, she disdains Severin for allowing her to do so.

Severin describes his feelings during these experiences as suprasensuality. Severin and Wanda travel to Florence. Along the way, Severin takes the generic Russian servant's name of "Gregor" and the role of Wanda's servant. In Florence, Wanda treats him brutally as a servant, and recruits a trio of African women to dominate him. 

The relationship arrives at a crisis point when Wanda herself meets a man to whom she would like to submit, a Byronic hero known as Alexis Papadopolis. At the end of the book, Severin, humiliated by Wanda's new lover, loses the desire to submit. He says of Wanda: 

"That woman, as nature has created her, and man at present is educating her, is man's enemy. She can only be his slave or his despot, but never his companion. This she can become only when she has the same rights as he and is his equal in education and work." 

So the relationship between Severin and Wanda clearly ends in a disaster. Letting one of her lovers humiliate him and leaving him were the two things Severin asked Wanda never to do. And that's exactly what she finally does. And at first sight, Severin's conclusion sounds rather dark and disenchanted, too: There is no such thing as an equal partnership between men and women in his society, one can either be hammer or anvil. But this goes only for the social environment Severin and Wanda live in. Sacher-Masoch's moral, though, is a rather progressive and feminist one. Men and women can only become equal mates when the society they live in provides them with the same rights, as well as equal educational and working possibilities.

I agree with Sacher-Masoch that living in a society that values gender equality makes it easier for men and women to establish relationships as equal partners. But, first of all, I think this is also possible in a social environment which doesn't provide the ideal preconditions. Because to my mind, the concept of an equal relationship depends more on the values of the partners involved than on the legal system. And secondly, I wonder whether the legal system, education and occupation are really the main reasons for the failure of Severin's and Wanda's relationship. Quite frankly, I don't think so. Both Wanda and Severin seem to be of a high education and both seem to be free in their decision of where to live, with whom and how. To my mind their partnership is unhealthy because of two aspects lying within their relationship. 

The first one is that Severin tries to push Wanda into a role she isn't comfortable with. To my mind it is never good for a relationship if one partner tries to form the other into an ideal he or she has on his/her mind. Of course between partners there are always compromises and from time to time one will do something just in order to make the other happy. Living in a partnership might also change people because their mate provides them with new ideas and experiences. But, to my mind, trying to manipulate a partner in order to make him or her fit to some ideal picture is disrespectful and egoistic. And in the long run it won't work out, anyway. At least that's my point of view and my experience from the observations I've made so far. 

The second destructive aspect is that Severin is so afraid of losing Wanda that he is literally willing to endure anything, just to make her stay. He gives up all his self-respect and pride. To my mind this is what finally leads to Wanda losing her respect for Severin as well. Living in an equal relationship is hard work. In order to live as equal mates, both partners must be willing to invest a lot into their relationship, but at the same time they must both make sure not to give up their identity as individuals, either. I assume that living in a partnership with a clear power dynamics is a bit easier in this respect. At least both partners know their role. In an equal relationship the roles are changing permanently and they don't always fit together. 

I think that Severin tries to take the easy and supposedly safe path: If I give up my personality (as he literally does when becoming “Gregor”), don't expect anything from Wanda (except from wearing furs) and let her do everything to me that pleases her, she won't ever have any reason to leave me and I can't lose her. Well, he is wrong because she wants an equal partner and not a puppet on a string. The sad thing is that Severin is convinced that men and women can't be equal mates, despite of never having tried to live in an equal relationship. At first he makes Wanda his “Venus in Furs” and later he treats women with disrespect and cruelty in order to make sure that he is hammer and not anvil... 

The part that is missing in the English plot summary on Wikipedia is that Wanda writes a letter to Severin some years later and sends it to him together with a picture showing her as “Venus in Furs” which had been drawn during their time in Florence. She tells him that her relationship with Alexis Papadopolis is over. And she expresses her hope that Severin is fine and that her brutal way of ending their relationship cured him from his unhealthy desires. So, it seems like she somehow cared about him after all which makes it even more sad that Severin never gave them a chance to live in a healthy partnership. 

And a healthy partnership to my mind can of course involve BDSM! Because with two sane, equal and consenting partners dreaming of a cruel woman or man (in BDSM play) isn't an unhealthy desire. The fact that one doesn't find this form of kinky relationship and play in the novella is what made me uncomfortable when reading the book. I couldn't enjoy the first action scenes because it is obvious that Wanda doesn't really like what she is doing. And I couldn't enjoy the later action scenes, not even the M/M scene at the end of the book, because they show a sadism that is much closer to the detached pathological form of sadism than to the addictive erotic form of sadism. It's not a form of play, but a form of degrading and hurting someone without any respect and underlying feelings for that person. Both kinds of scenarios are something which I never want to experience in my spanking play and in my love relationship with Ludwig. And I'm very happy to know that our partnership doesn't resemble that between Wanda and Severin. 

So, no parallels at all? Well, there might be one little thing. While Ludwig never had to push me into topping the thought of a higher grade of severity still scared me a while ago. But living with a man who calls himself a “severity freak” obviously corrupted me. Having done more severe scenes as a bottom and knowing that Ludwig usually prefers a harder thrashing on the rare occasions when he switches has changed my fantasies. Like I told Ludwig a while ago: If you dish it out you should better be able to take what comes back.

Then Ludwig did the big mistake of challenging me. When he thought about maybe doing one very severe scene on camera one day, it was clear that I wanted him to do that scene with me. “Well, but since you don't know whether you're okay with that level of severity, it's maybe not a good idea to so that scene with you”, he said. “I could either find someone else or don't do that scene at all, in case you don't like the idea of me being topped by another woman.” Doing such a special scene with another woman or not doing it at all because I'm afraid of and don't have the technique to hit him hard enough??? As you can imagine, I had to find out whether I really had a personal limit here. 

And I did, when I first topped Ludwig together with Leia-Ann Woods. It seems that I have much less qualms than I thought! On that day I tasted blood (no pun intended) and since then I'm determined to improve my caning technique. My training has been quite successful so far, and Ludwig, who watched me some weeks ago became a bit nervous. Especially because he has agreed to a rather severe scene between the two of us, featuring 25 strokes with the cane and 25 strokes with the flogger. I already have very delicious pictures of that scene on my mind and I have to admit that the idea of raising some vivid welts and eliciting some restrained but still stronger reactions from my mate holds a hell lot of appeal now! So, I'm not sure whether Ludwig might end up a bit like Severin in that aspect, finally getting more than he wished for. Well, at least Ludwig doesn't have to be afraid of one thing: I definitely won't wear furs...

Kaelah, not in furs

Bring on 2011!

Kaelah and I hope that you had a "guten Rutsch", a "good slide" into the new year 2011. How have the first two weeks been for you? Had any kinky adventures yet? We didn't, but that's because we haven't seen each other since New Year's Day, spending our time in our respective corners of Germany since then. I have no doubt that we will catch up when we get together again, though.

I had plenty of things to do during the first two weeks. In this regard, a pattern continues from 2010, when I didn't pay as much attention to the blog as I should have. I plan to do better this year. The truth is, I'm not too good at multi-tasking. Kaelah is different - she is very organised and structured in her schedule, typical INTJ, able to keep many juggling balls in the air at the same time. I've never been like that by nature. I'm very single-minded and I usually focus on one specific object or activity, for weeks or months at a time, at the expense of everything else. So, regarding the blog, I have phases where almost all my free time goes into it (as in 2008), and I have phases where it clearly suffers (as it did last year).

This is not just a result of my natural way of doing things, but also a conscious decision of mine to prevent burnout. Blogging can become a chore and the pressure of keeping readers entertained even while you are going through an uninspired spell can become overwhelming. Which is why you see many bloggers quit after a year or so, after the initial buzz wears off. To keep a blog alive long-term, you have to be able to take your mind off of it, to deliberately focus on other passions of yours for a time and then come back refreshed. The trick is to not let it die completely in the meantime. I am fortunate in this regard, because I have a writing partner in Kaelah who is capable of running things so well that I am not even missed too much.

That said, I do feel refreshed now and I think it is high time for me to get back into the midst of things before the dachshund takes over the palace completely. The king is not quite ready to abdicate yet. Actually, I have more ideas and more stuff that I would like to write about than ever. It's just a matter of putting it on the virtual page. Maybe I can make some progress at multi-tasking after all, finding the golden middle path between excessive labour and neglect. Let that be my only, and very general, new year resolution. It's a tough one, though, because it is not easy to go against one's nature.

May 2011 be a good, productive and interesting year for all of us kinky bloggers and perverted pornographers, and for you, the readers, as well.