Kaelah's Corner (Nov 2010): Top Or Flop?

In the last edition of Kaelah's Corner titled Both Sides Of The Story I told you what switching in my relationship with Ludwig means to me. I analysed in how far Ludwig's and my tastes as tops and bottoms are similar and where they differ. As it turned out our basic preferences are quite similar although there are of course certain differences concerning the limits we both have. My first topping experience and the feelings I had before, during and after the scene will be the topic of today's and next month's post.

When Ludwig made his decision to pay his football bet debts it was clear to me right from the beginning that I wanted to be part of this special event. And after a lot of thinking and some talk we decided that I wouldn't only be an observer but an active top. To make it a bit easier for me, I would only participate in the back whipping and the wonderful Leia-Ann Woods, who had kindly accepted our invitation to be the main top for the scene, would administer the cane strokes alone. After all, Leia-Ann was much more experienced while this was the first time ever for me to spank someone!

I was very glad that we had decided to ask Leia-Ann to be the debt collector. Despite of many differences between her and my kinky fantasies, I always feel very relaxed in her presence and it seems to me that we are somehow on the same wavelength. When we had met Leia-Ann for the first time for dinner last year there had already been a lot of joking and laughing. And it was exactly the same when we met for shooting the clip.

(Leia-Ann and me fooling around.)

As a matter of fact I've rarely been that relaxed in front of a camera, at least not right from the beginning. Partly this might have been because I obviously feel more comfortable as a top than I do as a bottom on a shoot and because we didn't film any acting scenes which are more difficult for me than pure action scenes, especially in a foreign language. But I think the main credit for this goes to Leia-Ann and her relaxed and happy attitude which blew away my concerns and my usual strict focus on doing a good “job”. Instead I was having fun and enjoying the time with Ludwig and Leia-Ann, of course without forgetting to look for good camera angles and a set-up that would make a beautiful clip.

Of course, the prospect of co-topping with Leia-Ann had made me very nervous at first. After all Leia-Ann isn't only a very experienced top, she is also an incredibly beautiful and elegant woman. I wasn't sure whether Leia-Ann would be fine working with an inexperienced newbie like me. And to be honest, what scared me even more was the thought of looking like a short-legged dachshund next to her. But the fun we had during the shoot also made me forget about these fears. Even though our very first scenes showed that they weren't far fetched.

At the beginning Leia-Ann and I took our share of six flogger strokes each. I was quite happy with my posture, but when I saw Leia-Ann taking position I just hoped that I wouldn't look too clumsy compared to that elegant lady! We both received our strokes with the flogger we were going to use on Ludwig later. It already became clear at that point that my flogger was much meaner than the one Leia-Ann had chosen. Hers was very heavy and looked and sounded very impressive. It wasn't exactly a light flogger, but it produced less pain and marks than the one Ludwig and I had brought. Our specimen looks rather innocent, but it is made of heavy rubber and its tips are quite sharp. Ludwig and I had tried to get a fitting second one for the clip, but surprisingly the company which produced these floggers didn't seem to exist any more. I wonder why?

(Pure elegance and...)

However, I was very happy when Leia-Ann with all her experience confirmed after inspecting our flogger that this specimen wasn't to be underestimated. To my mind it also wasn't too easy to handle. I had only had the chance to practise on a living object twice. Each time Ludwig had had a big pillow tied behind his upper back which made him look a bit like Quasimodo, the famous hunchback of Notre Dame. My aim was to neither hit Ludwig's spine with the tips of the flogger nor to let it wrap around, which meant that there was only a rather small target area left. I realised that therefore my technique of swinging the flogger was different from Leia-Ann's whipping technique. But she told me that my technique looked appropriate for the characteristics of the implement which reassured me a lot.

I always said that accuracy was highly important for me when playing as a bottom or watching a scene. It is something I expect from everyone who seriously calls him- or herself a top. Of course a mishit can happen, especially if someone hasn't got much experience as a top or when experimenting with a new implement. But still the high expectations I usually have of myself made me consider any mishit as being unacceptable. So my biggest fear was that the first stroke might not be on target and that I would probably never try it again, being afraid of injuring someone.

On the other hand I didn't want to hit too softly. As they say, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. And of course I wanted to make an impression on Ludwig as well as on the viewers of the clip. After all my very first experience with topping would be taped on camera and published! I was sure that the video would automatically be compared to the famous Comeuppance clip. Niki Flynn been had been a fantastic top, so I knew that the expectations would be very high.

How could I meet those high quality standards not only concerning the severity and accuracy but also the psychological part of topping? Would Ludwig get anything out of my topping style and would it meet his preferences? I knew that Ludwig only switches on very rare occasions and prefers to be spanked properly when he does. So of course I wanted to fulfil this desire as well. Since the clip didn't only feature Ludwig and me but Leia-Ann as well, it was also clear that there would be no chance to redo the scene or to back out once the flogging had started. Quite frankly all these thoughts had bothered me a lot in the weeks before the shoot.

(...the dachshund version.)

Of course there had been excitement as well. I had been looking forward to this rare chance to top my mate. My attempt was to show him how mean that sweet little flogger which he had so often used on me really was! I wanted to see his reactions on the flogging in the knowledge that it was me who provoked these reactions. And I wanted to know how it is to spank someone, what kind of top I would be and how I would feel during the scene.

It was this mixture of concerns and excitement that was still inside me during the beginning of the shoot. Even though, as I already mentioned, fooling around with Leia-Ann didn't give me much time for worrying. And then suddenly the big moment was there. Ludwig had taken off his shirt and assumed his position. I checked the cameras at least twice to make sure that they were both running. Leia-Ann, being left-handed, was standing on Ludwig's right side and I assumed my position on the left.

Suddenly I realised that Leia-Ann and I hadn't talked about who would start. Within a sub-second time I decided to go first. I made eye-contact with Leia-Ann and gave her a signal. Then I lifted the flogger, took aim and applied the first-ever stroke of my life on Ludwig's bare skin. The flogger landed right on target. And it clearly elicited a reaction from Ludwig. All the fears and concerns that had bothered me during the recent weeks started to fade... [To be continued]

(Finally taking aim myself!)

How about you? Can you recall your feelings prior to your first topping experience? Was there a lot of excitement? Did you have any concerns? Who was involved in the scene and what kind of relationship did the participants have? And where did it happen, in private or in public? Or are you maybe still in the process of deciding whether to take the plunge or not? I'm looking forward to reading your stories and thoughts in the comment section!