Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Professional Service

(Pixie and Lily Anna. Picture courtesy of Punished Brats.)

Tim The Tum recently wrote a very interesting series of posts about the first time he met a professional spankee / spanker for a one-on-one session with lots of switching action. You can read the two main parts of his report here and here. In another post which he wrote before his session, Tim discussed the idea of seeing a professional spankee (or spanker):

A couple of you have dropped me a line to say that you would never pay for spanking any more than you would pay for sex. Good for you. I'm knocking on the door of fifty, I'm fat and a bit balding, and my wife tolerates rather than enjoys spanking. My options are a bit limited; this is a service that, for me, gives real value. […] I think it's nice to feel that you'll be in the hands of a professional. Don't get me wrong, I'd happily session for free with any women who offered me the opportunity, and I like to think that we'd both get something out of the experience, but when you pay for something you're entitled to expect satisfaction. By which I mean, I really do hope that my partner enjoys the experience but, at the end of the day, this time it's about what I want. I'm not usually like that (honestly), but I've waited a long while, and my needs are simple; I want a bottom to smack without worrying that she isn't into it, and I want someone to spank me who won't be worn out after a couple of minutes.

Pixie also published a post about paid sessions a while ago which I think covers the topic wonderfully from two sides, the perspective of a woman who sought a professional when she was new to the scene and the perspective of a professional who now offers paid sessions herself. About her own reasons for having sought to meet a professional spanker, Pixie wrote:

I wanted to play with a top who met with my specifications to live out my personal spanking fantasy. I had a certain vision in mind for the scenario, for the style of play, the type of interaction. Yes I’d have to pay when I could probably meet for free play with someone else, but it’s a bit like coming up with an idea for a movie. You can give someone an idea and let them run with it and you may or may not get what you envisioned in the end, or you can fund and produce it yourself so as to have much more say in the final outcome. I was willing to pay for the chance to have the fantasy that was floating around in my head for years to come to life. I also did not have the fear that things beyond my limits or expectations would occur and that was of comfort to me […].

Pixie put her view as a professional spanker and spankee as follows: There is a big difference between session play and free play [...] in that sessions will be an hour or more of time exclusively devoted to what the paying party is seeking. I’m hoping to fulfill their fantasy just as I had hoped to fulfill mine when I sought a paid pro. It’s their scenario, their outfit requests, their time. As long as it falls within proper safety precautions and the agreed upon limits ahead of time, I do my best to shape myself into what the other person is seeking. Sometimes I absolutely have a blast as we are on the same page in our definition of spanking fun and sometimes it just isn’t my personal preference but that’s not what is important in a paid session. It’s about what the paying person seeks.

(Pandora and Molly. Picture courtesy of Dreams of Spanking.)

And finally, Pandora announced in this post that she is now comfortable with offering two-to-one switching sessions together with her new lover Molly Malone to people whom she knows from the scene. She had made some experiences with private paid sessions accompanying Zoe Montana earlier. That's when she found out that she liked sessions with private customers. Pandora wrote: It turned out that I really enjoyed not only the roleplay and having an audience while getting spanked by Zoe, but I also loved to watch her spanking men. Above all, I loved the opportunity to talk to different people about their spanking kink. I heard some fascinating stories, became increasingly aware of my own good fortune in having regular spanking relationships, and found it genuinely fulfilling to play a small role in providing a beneficial, therapeutic, sexy spanking experience for someone who really needed it.

Now, I have never visited a professional for a paid session because I was lucky enough to meet Ludwig only a short time after I had entered the community and so I asked him to introduce me to the world of spanking as a friend. I absolutely see the advantages of paying for a spanking session, though: the safety issues mentioned by Pixie as well as the chance to bring one's personal fantasies to life despite of not having a partner or close friend with whom that would be possible.

Ludwig has done that for his first experiences as well. He booked sessions with professional dommes who had good reputations because, even though Ludwig is a top, he wanted to know what a spanking feels like before administering one. And so he started his journey on the bottom side. Ludwig has planned to write about these experiences in a separate post one day, but in short, paying a professional spanker turned out to be a great choice, especially for the very first experience. And Ludwig also confirmed what all the different reports from which I quoted some excerpts in this post wonderfully show as well – that paying a professional spanker or spankee doesn't mean that the session has to be a cold or soulless experience. If the chemistry is right, it can be a wonderful experience indeed.

Nonetheless, I think there are quite a few people for whom paying for a spanking session or being paid for has a negative image. And I assume that women are generally more reluctant to pay for spanking sessions than men. Maybe because it is often easier for women to find a play partner, maybe because paying for erotic services is still less common among women than it is among men.

I have to admit that I am not sure whether I would pay for a spanking session if I didn't have Ludwig any more. It's not that I would consider paying for a spanking session morally wrong, not at all. But I probably would not go to spanking parties in order to have a chance to play, either, because I feel more comfortable playing with people with whom I have a close connection aside from kink and whom I have met several times before. And, while spanking fantasies are in my head very often, bringing them to life is not so important to me, aside from the more intimate play in my relationship and the creative act of making videos. But that is the topic for another post.

So, what about you? Can you imagine paying for a professional spanking session? Can you imagine being paid for offering a spanking? Why yes, or why not? And finally: Which special fantasy would you love to make come true if you had both the people and the equipment to make it happen?


Erica said...

Another thought-provoking post, Kaelah.

I've talked about pay-for-play before; most know that I did a short gig in a dungeon years ago, and that I've done a couple of pay sessions in my home. I discovered I'm not cut out for it. Why? Because it requires a degree of professional detachment that I don't possess, and I found that making work out of spanking took all the joy out of it for me. I felt no chemistry with the clients I had, and engaging in something so intimate with them therefore became rather unpleasant.

As for the flip side, I'm all for people visiting professionals if they wish to, for all the reasons mentioned in your post: safety factor, being able to tailor the scene to one's needs and fantasies, etc. However, I couldn't do it, myself.

Granted, I've been lucky enough to play with many wonderful spankers and make many of my fantasies into realities, without paying for it. But that's beside the point. Why I couldn't pay for play comes down to insecurity. I don't think I could get past the fact that the man would be there not because he wants to be, but because I paid him to be.

I need to know the spanker desires to play with me, every bit as much as I desire to play with him. That desire, that chemistry, is part of the package that is spanking, for me.

Pandora said...

I really liked both Pixie's and Tim's comments on this, and I couldn't agree more. It's about creating a custom experience indulging the paying person's fantasies.

The best illustration of this related to the group scene I mentioned in that post, with Molly, another girl called Katy, and two fellows called J and J (all of us switches! It was FANTASTIC).

Now, I'd met J and J before; they were staying at a holiday venue where Zoe Montana had invited me to come and shoot. It was a big group holiday and it was lovely of them to let me and my camera crew invade for a day. After the shoot the models went home (apart from Zoe) and me and the crew stayed behind and we had a bit of a play party. J and J were both there and I ended up playing with both of them; I spanked both of them and one of them (the birthday boy) spanked me. It was a great evening, really relaxed and convivial with fine wine and good company.

Now, if I went to a spanking party again and J or J were there, and I was in the mood to play, I would probably play with him, because they are both lovely gentlemen and fun to play with. But maybe I wouldn't be in the mood to play, or maybe I'd be there with another partner who would occupy all my attention. I'm busy enough, and I have enough local play options, that I probably wouldn't travel across the UK to visit either of them just to play.

So when I was asking D about the possibility of getting together with Molly, Katy, J and J for a paid session, it wasn't a case of being paid to play with people I wouldn't otherwise play with. It was a case of being paid to make time on a particular day to act out a particular fantasy, travel to a particular place, and wear a particular outfit.

It wasn't *who* I was playing with that I was being paid for, but the time, the date and the focus of the experience.

I think there are some clients who perhaps I wouldn't play with just for fun, but at this point in my life I wouldn't have much fun pretending to get on with someone. So at this point, basically I'm up for doing sessions with anyone I could have fun chatting to in the pub for a couple of hours. The spanking is a bonus :)

I have nothing but respect and admiration for professionals who are more open to a wider range of clients. I wish I had the social energy to get on with everyone the way that, say, Molly does. But given I'm still a bit of a geeky introvert who doesn't think before she speaks, I think choosing paying play partners who I get on with is probably wise.

Secret Spanko said...

Anyone who's read my blog for awhile know's I'm a big supporter of pay-for-play. Initially, I'd thought that it worked for paying the top, but wasn't too sure about whether it would for paying for a session AS the top. However, I was convinced otherwise!
It seems to be a bit of a touchy subject, and I salute you for tackling it in your typical analytic manner. No surprise that two of my favorite and most knowledgeable spanking blog friends beat me to this post.

Donpascual said...

I am 75 years now, and I have never had the need to pay for spanking services, although I tried switching for the first time only months ago. I did not even have to ask for it.
And I had more than one offer, too.

Similarly, I have always found a spankee, apart from my wife. But that all happened embedded in a community of spankos. Of course, paying a playing partner was never mentioned. But alone, out in the cold, it would have been over long ago, or the way to a professional.

In my last post, I put a lot of emphasis on the importance of such groups. I can only repeat it. Paying for services may be the only solution for some people. But from my experience, age, bald head, pot belly or fat behind must not be the final obstacle to finding somebody to play with or being played with.

Within a large community of people into spanking, you will rarely find the ravishing beauty with a perfect body or the body builder type of stud. We are all far from ideal sights. Therefore, you have a chance to attend events where you can meet real people and also find a mate. And, you will loose the fear of being turned down.

Now, before Pandora and other professionals get the shakes because they might fear loosing customers, there are enough of them around. And I can think of situations where paying Pandora, Leia Ann, Amy and all the others for a session is a wise decision.

Bobbie Jo said...

Since there is hardly anything going on in my area, I decided the best thing for me to do was go to a pro, and it has worked out very well. I did that also for the safety factor and the top I see is very well respected in the spanking community.

The main drawback is I have to travel to see her and it is a bit costly because I have to stay in a motel for a couple of days. The benefits do outweigh the hassles involved. I just can't see her as often as I would like to.

MasonPearson said...

I think the key element for me is that it should be fun for both parties. Do not like the idea of it being a 'job' for other person. If lady having fun and cash is pin money, then that is different. Just a personal thing, obviously quite a lot of cash does change hands and I would not want to be judgemental.

Kaelah said...

@ Erica:
Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts on the subject and your personal experiences! I absolutely agree with you in that I think that everyone has individual personal limits. Ludwig and I don't even have affiliate links on the blog because we want to keep spanking and kink free from financial aspects. And I definitely wouldn't be able to offer play sessions for money, especially not as a bottom, given that it is already difficult for me to bottom for people whom I know and like. I guess paying for a session wouldn't be so much of an emotional problem for me, though, if I didn't have Ludwig, if I knew and liked the professional and if I had the strong desire to play. But the chance that all this is going to happen seems to be rather low.

@ Pandora:
Being a rather introverted geek myself, I can definitely relate to your current limits concerning private paid sessions! And I absolutely get the thing about switching. As I wrote in one of my recent posts, playing with pure tops and on the bottom side only is difficult for me – and we are not even talking about sessions with paying clients here.

@ Secret Spanko:
Thanks a lot for sharing your opinion! I absolutely agree with you, for me, paid sessions are a good service and I think that they can be very fulfilling for the paying client, no matter whether on the top or on the bottom side.

@ Donpascual:
I think spanking groups and professional services both have their place and their advantages. Depending on one's personality and situation the one or other option might be more suitable. Tim the Tum, for example, explained in another post why in his situation (not so much time to look around and a vanilla wife who respects his needs but doesn't want him to become too emotionally involved with a spanking partner) hiring a professional is a better solution than looking for a private play partner. Ludwig preferred to make his first bottoming experience with an experienced and very kind pro domme to going to a group event. On the other hand there are many people who enjoy group events and the chance to play with several different people very much! And it's wonderful to hear that you have always found enough play partners to try out the things you were interested in. :-)

@ Bobbie Jo:
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences! You mention an important factor - in some areas it can be easier to meet a professional than to travel to a big spanking event. And meeting people one-on-one whom one has met in chat rooms or the like always involves a certain risk that doesn't occur with a well known professional.

@ MasonPearson:
Personal preferences are of course important! That's similar to video preferences – some kinksters are okay with watching spanking clips that involve vanilla models and others have a strong preference for videos with kinky models only. Both types of videos are morally fine but personal preferences can of course differ.

Anonymous said...

As a long term admiring lurker on your excellent blog, I feel compelled to comment on this interesting thread.

I have visited a number of professioanal ladies and with a wife whom I love dearly, puts up with being spanked but absolutely refuses to spank me, this is the only way I can scratch this particular itch. To meet spankos might run the risk of a greater involvement than I can offer - would never be unfaithful to my wife: the formal transactional element of paying for somebody's time keeps the relationship with the person i am playing with on a clear and unambiguous basis. Although there is clearly a sexual element, sex per se is never part of the deal.

Pandora's point is also well made -one must be able to have a connection and a laugh with a play partner. I very much hope that the ladies with whom I play have as much fun as I do; we do always have a laugh.

Tim hits the nail on the head when he says that in pay for play one does not have to feel selfish in expressing and focusing on one's own wishes.

I only wish I could afford to go more often!

Kaelah said...

@ Anonymous:
Welcome and thank you very much for delurking and sharing your story! The level of involvement is indeed an important point. In one of his later posts, Tim also said that meeting a pro holds a smaller risk of becoming more deeply involved than he (and his wife) would be comfortable with.

Ana said...

Really nice post. I think there sometimes is a bit of (unconscious, most likely) judgment (or maybe simply ignorance or slight distaste) of non-marital spanking. There's an established set of DD marriage blogs with a tight community of bloggers, as some mentioned on Bonnie's post. There seems to be a lack of awareness that there are so many other dynamics to ttwd, so many arrangements, and there really are a lot of secret spankos (tips my hat to our lovely blogger of that name) who have limited to no options. Some only have access to professional play. Some don't even have that (for various reasons) and only have the internet. I think it is nice to be aware of that and to put aside judgment.

Kaelah said...

@ Ana:
I think you made some very valid points here. In my opinion, there generally is a lot of black-and-white thinking in our community and its different sub-groups. In my experience, everything that is different from a certain "norm" (which often means M/F spanking in a DD marriage since that seems to me to be the biggest group in our community) is often seen either as strange or even as wrong. I have tried to cover that in my newest post which will be published today.