Saturday, December 26, 2009

Rites of Passage

In my Christmas post last year, I wrote that I hadn't really celebrated Christmas since I was a child. Being an agnostic, my habit as an adult was to simply have a nice dinner on the evening of the 24th.

Well, now that I am happily involved with Kaelah, that has changed quite a bit - like so many other things in my life. She is one of those pesky Christians. [At least I have made my decision instead of being stuck in the middle.] Even though she's pretty cool as Christians go. [Most of the Christians I know are pretty cool.] Also, Kaelah is more family-oriented than me (coming to think of it, 99% of the population are more family-oriented than me...). [No comment!] So Christmas this year was rather more extensive than what I'm used to. [Just trying to save your soul.] It was nice enough, but I'm still recovering. [And I already spared you a part of the Christmas-related appointments and responsibilities. Christmas light for newbies, as I would call it...]

On the plus side, because of Kaelah's charitable influence [Do I sense a subtle ironic undertone here?], you are getting not just one, but two Christmas presents this time. The early one was a picture and a write-up from one of our recent play sessions. And now, as the late one, we bring you the long-awaited account of the very first time we ever played. I've been promising you the full story ever since first introducing Kaelah, and after numerous delays [A certain someone is the king of procrastinators!], we were finally able to do it as a Christmas gift for you.

One of the reasons why we took so long is that we wanted to give you both perspectives, so we worked together on the whole thing. [Read: Ludwig wrote his account and then generously allowed me to add some comments.] My majestic monologue is in the normal text format, and Kaelah is going to make some annoying interruptions using bold text in square brackets. [First of all, I'm not making annoying interruptions. I'm just adding the zest that turns good food into a delicacy. Secondly, I'm quite sure that they already got the bracket thing, Ludwig.] Predictably, because we are both so powerfully eloquent [Some would call us verbose smart asses!], the write-up ended up being a wee bit longer than planned. [As I already predicted days ago.] Instead of doing it in one post, we're doing it in three. However, they will come at shorter intervals than usual.

Without further ado, the tale of Kaelah's first ever spanking... [Don't worry, we won't really get to that part in the first post!]

Losing one's spanko virginity is such a Big Event. For most of us, it is bigger and more life-changing than losing our "vanilla" virginity. It certainly was for me. [Yes, I agree. Although today I'm of the opinion that, with the right partner, “vanilla” sex can be almost as ... ahem ... satisfying as a good spanking.] The same weighting of importance applies for me when it comes to the helping-to-lose part: I never obsessed over "deflowering" a girl (an ugly term, in my view!), the way many men apparently do. [That said, you didn't seem too unhappy at the time it was due to happen...] However, being the first to spank a girl was an idea that held immense appeal, both as an erotic fantasy and in terms of more general values and emotions. Being the first to chastise her with the dreaded cane, my favourite implement, was an alternate fantasy that seemed almost as good.

If you asked me to state, in one simple sentence, what I really want as a top (in private play, not in filmmaking mode), I would say: "To give a special experience to the spankee." Well, what more special and memorable experience could you possibly give someone than their first ever spanking? Conversely, what greater gift could you receive than the trust that you are the right one to administer it? Granted, not all first spankings take place after such careful considerations (in other words, not everyone is a perfectionist control freak like Kaelah and me). [Perfectionist? Control freak? Me?] But many do, and there is something romantic about the idea.

First times are life-changing, but not always in a good way. They are delicate moments. A lot of potential joy can be ruined, or even worse, a lot of long-term damage can be done if things go wrong somehow - if it turns out that that you were with the wrong person after all, or if the circumstances are not what they should have been. So, giving someone their first spanking is also a challenge for the top. As the top, even more than usual, you want everything to be just right, just about perfect. You want to reward the trust that has been given to you.

In several years of exploring my kink, I had done quite a few things already. I had played as a top and as a bottom, I had corresponded with and met various people, I had started the blog, I'd had a play relationship with Josephine, I had shot video clips with Niki Flynn. But I had never helped anyone to lose their spanko virginity, or even their virginity with any particular type of implement (the one downside of being friends with veteran kinksters like Niki is that you are unlikely to ever be first at anything...). I admit that, whenever I read exuberant stories about "my first spanking" or "my first caning" in the blogosphere, I felt a surge of envy for the top. Envy is my favourite deadly sin, anyway.

Then, in the last days of 2008, Kaelah sent me her wonderful "looking for unknown top x" mail (see Where No Man Has Spanked Before for the full quasi-mathematical breakdown). She wrote that her resolutions for the new year included getting her first spanking, that she had decided to definitely try it for real - and that she wanted to get to know me in person, because she felt that I was probably the right x for the task. [You wouldn't believe how nervous I was after I had sent that mail. Usually, I don't ask complete strangers to meet me and to introduce me to any kind of sexual practise. Thinking about it, I'm quite sure that most people don't do that very often, right?] Predictably, I was delighted at the delicious prospect. From our previous correspondence, it was clear that Kaelah was a smart, interesting girl, a fellow science fiction geek, and judging from the photographs she had attached once, also quite attractive. Being the one to initiate her, of all people, was an even hotter fantasy than usual.

But more than excitement or gleeful anticipation, I just felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility. Above all, I was flattered by Kaelah's trust and openness. I wanted to be absolutely sure, probably even more than she herself, that it was justified. I was going to meet her, and if I had any doubts that I was the right guy, I would back out. Rare as these opportunities might be, I was going to do what was good for Kaelah and place my self-interest strictly below that. [Believe me, I did everything one could possibly do to make sure I would be choosing the right guy for the job. Okay, I am a control freak! Remember the control phone calls I got from my family and friends when we met for the first time?! ;-)]

When you accompany someone through their first spanking experience, you are faced with one dilemma to begin with: to a certain extent, you have to give contradictory impulses. On the one hand, you have to try and take all the self-applied pressure away from the spankee and make them feel comfortable. All the more so with someone like Kaelah, who is Ms. Self-Applied Pressure personified. [Hey, I'm already so much cooler and more relaxed than I was ten or fifteen years ago! You should ask my former classmates how I look like under real self-applied pressure...] I would reassure her that there was no hurry and no foregone conclusion, that she should take her time to think everything through, and that it would be perfectly alright if she changed her mind at any time before or during the spanking.

At the same time, I would point out that, if she really wanted to find out, then sooner or later, she would simply have to make the jump - with me or someone else. You can prepare, plan and deliberate, you can build self-confidence and trust, you can listen to the stories of others for months or even years. But ultimately, there are no guarantees and you just have to try it for yourself one day. Only then will you know whether you like spanking and CP for real, whether the reality matches fantasy. Careful preparation is all fine and necessary, but one mustn't fall into the trap of eternal postponement, as some would-be-spankees do. [Hmmm, I think about eight months between reading about the concept of erotic spanking for the first time and trying it for real isn't too long, is it?]

When Kaelah and I met for the first time, I spelled out these contradictory advices to her, and why I felt that they were both sound. We also heeded them in practice: we talked about potential scenarios, implements, limits and so on in concrete terms, because I wanted to get to know Kaelah's preconceived fantasies, insofar as they existed, in as much detail as possible. At the same time, we only spoke in the subjunctive mood, because that made it all a bit less daunting for her. "If we were to play together, what would we do?"

So, we established that - if we were to play together! - some kind of "initiation ritual" would probably be the best way to go. Without actual role-play, but with the two of us being ourselves in front of a ritualised, festive backdrop. [Yeah, that conversation was really strange! Can you imagine how it feels like to have a man whom you just met for the first time sitting on your couch and asking you for what exactly you would like to be punished? ;-) That question was the weirdest one you asked me because I suddenly realised that I didn't want to be punished at all. I just wanted someone experienced at my side to lead me through my first spanking.]

We established that Kaelah was especially curious about the cane, which pleased me a great deal, even though I was too discreet to say it aloud at the time. [Yes, the cane. It looked so elegant, but after all I had read about it I wasn't sure whether I could take even a single stroke.] And we established that she didn't have a problem with nudity. "Getting it on the bare is the whole point of a spanking, isn't it?" she said, and when I asked whether she could imagine being fully nude, she added: "Possibly... After all, I go to the sauna!" I thought that was a droll reply.

[Well, actually I didn't want to be spanked on the bare only because it was such a hot fantasy. I never thought about doing it with the clothes still on because I thought it would be much safer, especially for an inexperienced bottom, if the top could see the marks and possible damage. And the question about full nudity caught me flat-footed! Then I thought about the sauna and that being nude in front of others was something completely natural there. So, why not? Actually, since it was one theoretical question among many others, I didn't expect you to go that far right at the first time, anyway. Yes, I am a bit naïve sometimes!]

Fundamentally, we found out that the personal chemistry seemed to be fine. A few weeks later, Kaelah repaid my visit and came to Munich, where she wanted to get to know me in my "home environment". We talked some more and the initiation ritual idea began to take a more concrete shape. "Do you want me to stop talking in the subjunctive?" I asked her. She smiled and shook her head: "No, keep it for the time being..." [I already had some very concrete ideas in my mind at that point. But I remember that it was still strange to tell you about them because while there already was a quite detailed scene in my head I still wasn't 100 per cent sure whether I was ready to try it for real.]

Later on, Kaelah showed me some Tai Chi exercises with a martial arts-type folding fan she had brought along. She was extremely graceful and the performance seriously tested my professional, unselfish detachment. Damn it, I thought while I sat there watching, wouldn't it be a pity if she decided to back out after all this? I couldn't keep my mind from wandering off and picturing how great she would look bent over [with all the distracting clothes removed], for the cane.

As it turned out, Kaelah decided to go ahead. We exchanged some more emails, fixed the last details of our chosen scenario and targetted late February for the date. If everything worked out as planned, Kaelah would start a new occupation then, one that required responsibility and leadership skills. So it made sense to schedule our spanking initiation ritual around the same time - it paralleled the other development in Kaelah's life, gave the ritual a sort of grounding in reality, and provided us with a definite time frame to prepare for.

Then, the new occupation failed to materialise. It was no fault of Kaelah's and she wasn't even very disappointed in the end, except for the fact that we had lost the "real" background for our play. However, as she told me on the phone that evening: "We will do it, anyway. I'm not calling it off now!" It was one of those cases where you plan to do something one way, you end up doing it another way - and somehow, with hindsight, it all fits together.

[That was an interesting development. At first I needed that real-life event as a kind of fortune wheel to take the final decision on when to make the jump away from me. “If and when the new occasion comes that'll be the time to perform the ritual and I won't have any excuses to back out...” But when the situation changed I realised that I already had made up my mind and didn't need any event to confirm my decision any more. The train was running and there was no way to stop it...]

(to be continued)


Unknown said...

This is a fascinating post, seeing how the concept slowly materialised.

And yet... I feel I'm not giving it the proper weight it deserves, because I keep pausing to laugh at Kaelah's amusing interruptions (later additions?). Especially her gentle poking fun at Ludwig. *continues snickering*

Smallhanded said...

At the risk of not sounding quite original, you are one lucky man, Ludwig... :)

Ursus Lewis said...

Not only Ludwig is lucky here, Kaelah is too! This is only the first part of the story, but for me it's another masterpice already now!

It's so much fun and entertainment to read your blog. I like the idea of adding Kaelah's coments. Very funny!

Peter8862 said...

Superblog, as usual ! Just one point - clothes needn't be a distraction. They can truly enhance the action. Depends how you use/choose them...


Pandora Blake said...

This is hilarious, adorable, fascinating and getting hotter by the moment. I love Kaelah's interruptions! (Although I'd be intrigued to see how it would read differently with Kaelah writing the post and Ludwig adding the marginalia...)

Off to read the next part!

Kaelah said...

@ Morgrim:
My comments have been added later. I just hope they won’t get me into too much trouble… ;-)

@ Smallhanded & Ursus:
You are right, Ludwig and I are both lucky! For Ludwig being the first to spank a girl might have been a dream come true, but for me sharing my first experience with him also was a great gift!

@ Peter:
I completely agree with you! But you know Ludwig’s point of view on the topic, don’t you?! ;-)

@ Pandora:
Glad you like the post! How it would have read with me writing the post and Ludwig adding the marginalia? I guess the comments would have been twice as long as they are now… ;-)

Ludwig said...

@ Peter: "Just one point - clothes needn't be a distraction. They can truly enhance the action. Depends how you use/choose them..."

I fully agree. No, clothes need not be a distraction. Yes, they can greatly enhance a scene. Yes, it all depends on the type of scene (and the type of clothes!). I like different types as well, and my tastes are not limited to one thing only.

That said, I do have a certain fondness for scenes that feature full nudity. And while I was watching Kaelah showing me her Tai Chi movies so gracefully, I just couldn't help but wonder how she would look with *all* the clothes off. Had you been in my place, you might have wondered about the same thing!