Sunday, May 11, 2008

Three Strike Policy

Do you know this joke? Obviously you don't, it is my own creation. But maybe you have heard the "public domain" original which I modified to make it kinkier:

Victorian England. An eligible young lady of good standing is married to an arrogant baron. As usual in those times, it is an arranged relationship, and the two of them don't know each other all that well. Just after the wedding ceremony, the baron takes his bride to his estate. On horseback, of course.

The two of them are riding on one horse, you see, and the animal isn't used to that. Whether it is because of the increased weight or simply because of the unfamiliar situation, the horse suddenly makes a false step, shaking the baron and his wife. Annoyed, the baron loudly calls out: "ONE!" The bride is a bit puzzled by this, but doesn't think to ask what the exclamation is about. Later on, as they ride along a forest path, their mount stumbles again. Clearly irritated, the baron shouts: "TWO!" Again, the girl doesn't dare to speak up and wonder what it is about, with her husband in such a huffy mood.

They reach the estate, but just inside the gate, the horse makes yet another false step, eliciting an angry yell of "THREE!" from the baron. He asks his bride to get off the horse and, after she complies, begins to viciously flog the luckless animal with his whip. Again and again, the baron brings his arm down with unabated fervour while the horse is rearing and whinnying in pain.

Needless to say, the girl is horrified by this display of brutality. She screams at her husband, pleading: "Goodness gracious! Please, stop hurting the poor horse! Can't you see it is suffering!" The baron stops, glares at her and slowly says: "One!"

I know, it's a groaner. Not exactly laugh out loud hilarious, but the original version managed to get a mild chuckle from me. Hey, that one was even worse, about a cowboy who ends up shooting his horse! The scenario is not even in my ballpark, because if there is one thing I cannot stand, it is cruelty against animals. I'm a kinky sadist who gets off on abusing defiant cheeky lasses, not a sociopath! Yes, there is a difference between the two... But hey, as for the animal abuse, it's just a lame joke, anyway.

Unfortunately, I don't really know any spanking-themed jokes. You can see that, can't you? If I had a better one in my repertoire, I would have used it! I'm hard-pressed to think of anything that I could misconstrue as kinky. If you have an idea, you can leave a note here.

Speaking of which: I recently changed the preferences of the blog. Silly me, I only noticed a few days ago that only readers with Google accounts were able to leave comments. I had never tampered with the settings before, and I always assumed that the default is "open for all". But apparently, it was more restrictive than that. So, just in case you wanted to write something before but couldn't because you did not want to bother with the registration: from now on, with the new settings, anyone can comment.

Another movie review is coming up on Thursday, and on the Monday after that, I have a special treat in store for you. You'll probably want to get involved in that, so watch this space.


Anonymous said...

Much as I've tried, I still don't get your joke! (Which is something I find funny in itself... ;))

Maybe I'm not mad enough yet?

Ludwig said...

Actually, that is funny! Here I was, thinking that people would just find it terribly lame, not incomprehensible. Maybe that's because it *is* so lame... You tend to think: "Well, surely that can't have been the punchline!"

Here is a hint: the horse "commits" three misdeeds ("One!", "Two!", "Three!") and is whipped. Now, when the girl talks back to the baron and admonishes him, he says: "One!"

Get it? See, I told you it was a groaner.

Anonymous said...

Good material, Excelent Work.

I propose exchanging links between our blogs. If they agree, Let me a message on my blog.


Ludwig said...

Thanks, Spanking OTK, I'll have a look at your blog.

(I wonder what he means by "if they agree", though. If who agrees? The men in black who really run Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast? And I thought that was a secret!)

Justine said...

:D I like your blog!

Kisses from Justine