Global Day Of Delurk 2011

For the sixth time Bonnie of My Bottom Smarts has organised Love Our Lurkers Day or, as we call it here at the Rohrstock-Palast, the Global Day Of Delurk. Thank you very much, Bonnie, for all your efforts that go into this wonderful little event. This is the first time for me to write our Global Day of Delurk post, which is a big honour, since I've got a very special relation with this campaign.

In 2008 I wrote my first-ever comment here on Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast, in reply to Ludwig's first Global Day Of Delurk post. At that time I still called myself K'Ehleyr. Our long-time readers know how things evolved from that moment on, and the rest of you can read the full story here if you like. What a great journey it has been! Anyway, here I am, being Ludwig's mate for more than 2 ½ years now and writing my first own Global Day Of Delurk post at what is now our joint blog.

Ludwig is no longer available as a mate, but I would like to invite all our silent readers out there to say hello nonetheless. Ludwig and I both love writing and we are lucky to have a wonderful bunch of commenters on this blog. And, of course, we are glad to know that we have many more readers who seem to enjoy our writing but prefer to remain quiet. Still it can be hard sometimes to write mostly for a silent crowd. So, if you are a reader of this blog and if you can spare a few minutes, please use this day to raise your head.

To give you a little additional incentive, we have decided to combine this year's Global Day Of Delurk campaign with a little film-project. Ludwig and I are going to make a clip, and it depends on you how long or short this clip is going to be. The clip will be a rather straight-forward spanking clip this time, so that we will be able publish it in a few weeks' time already.

There will be two parts of the spanking action, one with our riding crop and one with our leather paddle. And you are the ones who can decide how long the two action sequences are going to be! All you have to do is write a comment on this post. For every comment written by someone who has already commented earlier on Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast two strokes with the riding crop will be added. And for every real first-time delurker there will be SIX strokes with the paddle! All comments that are published until the 17th of November 23:59:59 German time will be counted. The only precondition for your comment to be counted is that it isn't anonymous (please think up some kind of nickname for yourself, so we don't end up with a bunch of indistinguishable anonymous comments!).

So, use your chance to say hi if you like, and help us to create a funny little piece of spanking art together! And in case you prefer to remain silent, I would like to use this post to say: Thank you very much for reading our blog and we hope that you are having a good time with us!

My Kinky Therapy

In my posts Therapy? and Speculative Questions, I asked whether kink can be used as a kind of “self-therapy” (in quotation marks; I don't want to imply that spanking can substitute any real therapy in case of serious mental issues). I told you that in my opinion my own kinky fantasies and my kinky life provide that kind of therapy and that I would write about my own experiences in a separate post. It has taken a while but here it finally is.

I have written about my fantasies and the goes and no-goes before. So, I'm going to keep this aspect short today and only focus on the question how these fantasies and my kinky activities are connected to my real-life experiences and in how far they improve my well-being.


Empowerment and self-trust:

The heroine fantasies surely are some of the oldest fantasies I have. They don't even have to be connected with kink, but they can be. I'm very sure that I have developed these fantasies because I often didn't feel very strong and self-confident. I always was very ambitious and I knew that I could achieve the things I dreamed of by working hard. But every time a new challenge turned up, my initial hypothesis was that I couldn't do it. This did not keep me from trying, but always having to prove that my null-hypothesis was wrong cost me a lot of energy. That is why I often dreamed of being a heroine, someone who strongly believed in herself and always knew that she would find a way to make things happen.

My self-confidence and self-trust have improved, but I'm still an emotional human being and can easily be scared or hurt. I've come to terms with my emotions and even see them as something positive now, but still the fantasy of the tough woman who takes new challenges without stomachaches holds a big appeal for me. And I love to make that experience in my kinky play when I take the challenge of a severe spanking. That is why surviving isn't enough for me. Surviving is what I always did in my real life. Feeling strong throughout the challenge is what I was always longing for.

Leading and playing with the big boys:

The idea of someone trusting me enough to allow me to lead them has gained more and more appeal during the recent years. This is a big part of my topping fantasies. The idea of being allowed to lead someone who is normally used to be a leader himself (or herself) is one that holds a special attraction. Even as a child and teenager, I always wanted to play with the big boys. Which is one reason why the idea of topping Ludwig has such a special appeal for me. He is predominantly a top and is very picky on the rare occasions when he switches. The experience of him giving himself to me as a bottom therefore is a very empowering one, one that gives me strength for my day-to-day life as well.

Feeling, not thinking:

I am an INTJ, which means that I tend to plan and organize a lot. And I tend to follow my reason more often than my gut feeling. I've learned to trust my feelings more and more in the recent years and to take care that my rational plans and my emotions are consistent. But still it is very rare for me to stop thinking and focus on my feelings only. In my sexual play with Ludwig, though, I can let go and focus completely on the sensations, knowing that he will do only things to me which I enjoy, like in the scene which I described recently. The kinky tools that help me the most to give up control are restraints and blindfolds. They allow me to feel safe and to focus completely on myself and my feelings even while interacting with Ludwig. This form of play provides a wonderful time-out from real-life issues and organisational tasks and helps me to recharge my batteries. Cuddling and being tickled have a similar effect, by the way.

Feeling safe:

Since my mum died, I'm very aware of the fact that we can lose anyone we love at any time, and that no-one can be there for us or protect us forever. Ludwig loves me, and he is there for me and takes care of me as well as he can. But we are equal partners and of course there are many things in my life as an adult that he can't take away from me and which I have to do myself or have to go through myself. I wouldn't want it any other way between us, anyway!

But when I'm lying in bed alone, I often have the desire to feel as safe as a child again. That's when I indulge myself in my naval cadet fantasies. I'm only an observer in these fantasies (for I can't see myself as a child anymore), but I can go into the mindsets of the different characters. It's always the same universe with the same characters and the same kinds of scenarios which I fantasize about. This way my kinky fantasies are like a good-night ritual.

And fantasy figures have one great advantage: They don't get old, they don't get ill, they don't die. As long as I live they will be there. And so my little navy universe allows me to let go and feel aroused and safe at the same time when I fall asleep.

Letting out my inner geek:

I've been a geek my whole life. But at school, being a geek wasn't cool. I also always liked to write stories and to discuss aspects of life that interested me, for instance, how human beings act and why. I also love to have an audience, hopefully inspire them with my thoughts and get back their ideas in return. That's what I do when I'm blogging. I don't pretend to be someone else here, but somehow, being a geek is okay in our community. It can even be cool. And that is a wonderful feeling. I can sort out my own thoughts when writing blog posts and at the same time let out my inner geek for everyone to see.

Feeling sexy:

I never considered myself to be very female, let alone sexy! I was the grey mouse who watched Star Trek, wore clothes with teddy bears instead of sexy miniskirts and read books. Being in a relationship with a man who loves me and finds me sexy as well as living out my sexual desires has given me a completely new image of myself and of my body. What was equally important for that development, though, was making and posting sexy pictures. It is almost impossible to evaluate how much the pictures have increased my self-confidence.

I used to find myself unattractive on photos, even on holiday pictures or the like. When Ludwig and I made or first sexy photo-shoot with our friends Neil and Eileen, looking at the results struck me like thunder. For the first time in my life I found myself sexy on a photo! Emma Jane has recently written a great post about that topic titled Beautifully me. I can only second her descriptions of what the photo-making can change. Today I also like many vanilla pictures of myself. And I love to dress up from time to time, for instance, for the Shadow Lane party. I still like teddies, by the way, but I think that on the right pyjama, they can even be sexy in their own way.

Being creative:

There are different kinky activities which allow me to live out my creativity. The preparation of private scenes, the blog writing, scene ideas for kinky pictures and last but not least filming clips. Like the pictures, the clips make me feel sexy. But I enjoy the creative process, developing storylines, finding the most beautiful camera angles and finally composing a clip out of the pieces of footage even more than anything else. That's why I prefer to participate in film-making projects that give me as much creative freedom as possible.

I also like to play different characters in front of the camera. It allows me to go into different mindsets and to play around with character traits which I wouldn't ever let out in real life because they are socially unwanted. I can be angry, I can be cold, and all that without having to be afraid of hurting anyone, because it is all just part of a storyline.

And I love to be behind the camera. At Pandora's last shoot for the SM Circus, I had the opportunity to be behind the camera, and it was a wonderful experience! Art always was one of my worst subjects at school. I never thought that I had any feeling for pictures. Now finding the most beautiful and unusual perspectives for photos and camera angles in clips is something that gives me a lot of satisfaction and lets me see the world with new eyes.


As you can see, my various kinky activities and the experience of living out my kinky fantasies have given me a lot of self-confidence. My fantasies and my kinky experiences allow me to be how I always wanted to be, to do things which I never thought I'd be able to do and to feel safe and strong. And all that without having to neglect who I am and having to pretend to be someone else. Therefore my kink makes me feel happier, which I think is the best possible outcome any therapy can achieve!

The Vengeance Demon

So here they are, the promised Halloween pictures! I decided to dress up as a Vengeance Demon this year, so for one day at least I didn't have to hide the real me. In my opinion the job as a Vengeance Demon is cool, spending one's time to hunt down unfaithful men (and women, this is the 21st century, and I'm all for gender equality) and teaching them a painful lesson.

And there are so many creative possibilities for their punishments! You just have to let your mind wander... Cooking them in boiling oil is an interesting method, right? Hmm, the only problem is, I don't own a suitable deep fryer (must take a mental note for my next birthday). Well, here comes another idea: How about blast-freezing?! But then, I think that my refrigerator is too small for that. But of course there is one more punishment method left. And I'm definitely well-equipped for that one...

… yep, indeed, a good, old-fashioned single-tail whipping. All you need is a fiercely determined Vengeance Demon (check), a single-tail whip (check), maybe some restraints (check) and an unfaithful delinquent (oops). Well, I'm sure I'll find one, sooner or later.

Or maybe one of you wants to make a confession right now? Come on, you know you'll feel better afterwards. At least until I get my hands on you ... ahem, I mean ... I'll be very sympathetic, really! Just take a look into my sweet, innocent puppy eyes.

So tell me, what did you do on Halloween and do you have any recommendations for kinky Halloween outfits?

Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2011): Morgen

Morgen, ja morgen,
fang i a neues Leben an.
Und wenn net morgen,
dann übermorgen,
oder zumindest irgendwann,
fang i wieder a neues Leben an.

Tomorrow, yes tomorrow,
I will start a new life.
If not tomorrow
then the day after tomorrow
or at least one day
I will start a new life again.

This is a snippet from a very touching song of the Austrian band EAV about an alcohol addict. Of course, he never starts this new life he dreams about. But I think the lyrics do not just apply to what many addicts do. In my opinion many people live, or more precisely, spend their lives like that.

Of course there are many reasons for delaying major changes. One reason that is often mentioned are the risks that go along with changing one's life. Life is full of risks. One can lose anything and anyone, any time. There are no guarantees.

Except for one, and that is the fact that we all have to die. Sooner or later. Sometimes sooner than we hope for. I don't believe in an afterlife, so for me the end of my life on Earth will be the end of my existence.

After my mum's early death, these are things I have become very aware of. They accompany me every day. The have taken away the naive trust that everything will always be okay in the end. But they have made me see my life and the risks that I take in a new light as well.

Quitting one's job to do something one really wants to do is risky. Taking a plane to see other parts of the world isn't 100 percent safe, either. Writing a comment on a kinky blog and coming out to the kinky community can cost quite an effort. Sharing one's spanking fantasies with someone whom one has met online can be risky as well. Trying out one's fantasies for real holds the risk of disappointment. Giving someone one's love and trust might end in betrayal. Building a love relationship is a tricky task. Posting about one's fantasies online and even showing one's face definitely involves a risk of being outed one day.

But how big are all these risks in the light of mortality? How much is lost by not living out one's dreams, and how rewarding can it be to give it a try?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those persons who only live in the here and now and don't give a damn about the future. I try to do my best to make sure that my future is as safe and well-planned as possible. But maybe the financial markets will crash completely in the next years and I will lose all my financial securities. Maybe there will be violent clashes. Maybe I will become ill. Then at least I want to have lived my life and my dreams as well as I could without having permanently worried about what the future might bring.

Again, I'm not one of those “You have to try out everything in your life at least once!” people. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked even one single cigarette. I have never taken any drugs. And I miss none of these experiences.

But I would miss the things which I have learned in my professional life. I would miss having seen a bit of this beautiful planet and having been to certain events like concerts of my favourite bands. I would miss this blog. I would miss my kinky life. I would miss the experience of suddenly feeling womanly and sexy. And above all I would miss Ludwig and the experience of our relationship and love.

I'm lucky in that I had a wonderful childhood. I'm lucky in that many of my choices as an adult turned out to be good. But even the ones that didn't work out as planned had at least some positive outcome, in one way or another.

I'm not a fan of blindly taking risks. But like someone told me recently: If you have trust, you can do almost anything that is important to you and it will work out. I might not have that naive trust any more, but I have learned to trust in myself and in the fact that if one way proves to be a dead end, there is usually another path that makes it possible to go on.

I'm glad that my gut feeling told me to take a few risks. I can't say that I would be able to die happily now, without the feeling of having missed out on some important things. For example, I haven't had the chance to raise a family, yet. But I will, if I am lucky enough to have some more time. For now, I'm very happy that I've already done a lot things which were important to me.

I'm also very glad about the friends I have, kinky and vanilla. Friends who like me the way I am. Friends who invite me to share time with them. Friends who organize Halloween Parties and find it cool when I turn up in fetish outfits (photos to come soon). Sharing time with beloved people is a great way to spend one's precious time! (Whereas spending time with people one doesn't like is a great way of wasting it.)

I hope you all have some wonderful friends to share Halloween (or Reformation Day, in case you are celebrating that) with. And I hope you have taken at least a few risks in your life that proved to be worth it. If not, today is your chance! Remember, tomorrow might be too late. Happy Halloween, everyone!

Made To Be Submissive

“Don't fall asleep, you've still got some work to do this evening.”, Ludwig announced as we were heading home after a long day in the city. I had just admitted my tiredness by yawning heartily. My mind immediately formed a mental picture of the kind of work Ludwig meant. But like the days before I was rather in the mood for cuddling. And so I decided not to give any answer and to wait and see what was going to happen instead. Maybe Ludwig would become tired as well at the sight of a warm, cosy bed...

Of course he didn't. Sitting on the bed, Ludwig looked at me and asked: “Do you have anything that could be used as a blindfold?” I thought about his question for a moment, finally answered yes and  brought him a suitable item. “But I need to go to the bathroom first.” And so I went off.

Inside the bathroom, the different voices in my head were having a vivid discussion. “I'm not in the right mood for sex, and especially not for any more edgy games.” - “But you have been in a cuddling-only mood for a while now, just give it a try!” - “What if I don't manage to get into the right mood and have to stop the scene? Wouldn't it be fair to tell Ludwig in advance that I'm not in the right mindset?” - “And destroy everything in advance without having tried? After all, Ludwig thought about the blindfold because it caters to YOUR fantasies. Do you really think he will be less disappointed if you say no right from the beginning?”

The last voice won. As the more regular readers of this blog already know I am what Bogey so aptly calls a “bedroom submissive”. Which means that during rather sexual scenes between Ludwig and me, I like to give up control and relax. That's why I love being tied up and blindfolded. But I'm not really submissive in the sense that I only want to please my partner. I rather like scenes in which Ludwig actually does things to me which I enjoy as well, even if the scenario implies that he does things which please only him. Still, I have to be in a certain mindset for that and I wasn't sure whether I would manage to get there that evening. But I was determined to give it a try.

So, I went back to the bedroom again and waited for Ludwig's next announcement. “Do you have a hair tie? Go and fetch it.” I did as I was told and started to tie my hair back when I returned to the bed. “No!” Ludwig bent me forward and gave me a few slaps. “I said: Fetch it! And not: Tie your hair back. I want you to strip first. Fold your clothes neatly together and put them aside.”

As most of you know, I love rituals. And I had told Ludwig that I liked the thought of someone neatly folding their clothes before a spanking. Despite of the voices that were still in my head, I followed Ludwig's order and tried to focus on the soothing effect of the ritual and the orderliness which went along with it.

“Now you can tie back your hair and put on the blindfold as well.” I was kneeling on the bed before Ludwig and did as I was told. After having put the blindfold on, different emotions went through my mind. A certain tense, resistance, the urge to cry and an idea of surrender. But I didn't have much time to ponder these feelings because Ludwig spoke up again: “Stretch out your right hand.” A hand spanking? That was not what I had expected. I felt reluctant because I realised that I wasn't in the mood for pain, either. But my brain told my body to obey.

Instead of a smack I felt Ludwig's hand taking mine and carefully guiding me over the bed. “Now lie down on your stomach, hands above your head.” Again I did as I was told. I heard Ludwig unbuckle his belt and a few seconds later he gently touched my body with it, the belt wandering up and down. So it would be a belting. I tried to prepare myself for Ludwig's heavy belt, hoping that the strokes wouldn't be too unbearable.

But then the belt was gone. Ludwig had put it aside. He sat down on the bed and started to caress and tickle me. I was baffled. That was not what I had expected. I love tickling! On our first play weekend I already showed Ludwig how much I enjoy my arms being tickled. I already loved that as a child when cuddling with my parents. Tickling has an instantly soothing effect on me.

“But don't fall asleep!”, Ludwig reminded me, “Focus on my touch.” I did. Bit by bit my body relaxed and so did my mind. The voices fell silent, except for the one that uttered amazement about how well my partner knew me and how much he cared about me. Soon I was in a completely submissive mindset, willing to be dominated and in the mood for making love.

I wasn't even sure whether there was a hand-spanking after the tickling when I wrote this post or whether I was mixing up two different scenes. I was so much into Ludwig's hands at the time that it is all a bit of a blur. But Ludwig confirmed to me afterwards that there was a hand-spanking, and so now I'm sure that it was the one which I had in mind and which I really enjoyed. And while Ludwig lived out his dominant fantasies with me later on, he made sure that I got my share of joy as well.

Some bottoms like to be forced or spanked into submission. This will hardly ever work for me. Being tickled and caressed into submission on the other hand definitely does!

Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!

Today was the final day of the Rugby World Cup 2011 in New Zealand. The last game ended just a few minutes ago. For those of you who are as unfamiliar with that sports as I was before it raised my interest a while ago, just a short explanation. It is a bit like American Football (which originates from rugby), just for real men. Means, no protection gear and stuff like that. Hey, what would spanking be if we decided to wear protection gear???

My congratulations go the All Blacks, the members of New Zealand's national rugby team, who have just had the French team for breakfast! Okay, to be fair, the French proved to be absolutely worthy opponents who gave the All Blacks a really hard time. The match could also have ended in their favour. But the final score was 8:7 against them.

I don't only like the All Blacks because they are damn good, but also because they perform the Maori haka Ka Mate. You can see it in the picture above. Hakas are traditional war dances. The first lines of the Ka Mate haka are “Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!” which can be translated as “It is death! It is death! It is life! It is life!” or “I may die! I may die! I may live! I may live!”.

You are still asking yourself why I like rugby and why I write about it here? I give you some hints: Thirty muscular men fighting for victory and honour in a game that involves speed, tactics and finesse, but also pure power and the will to beat your opponent's ass. Guys who see themselves as warriors. Lots of ritual and even a warrior dance. Really, how could I find that NOT exciting? It caters to my kinky M/M preference as well as my warrior fantasies. Just like Pro Wrestling and Sumo in their own ways, but that is stuff for different posts.

I'm not sure whether I would be more interested in watching the celebration of the All Blacks, though, or in sneaking into the locker room of the French team to see what is going on there. You see, as rugby is a sport for real men, I assume that the training methods aren't soft, either. And since the French have dropped the ball right before the finish line, so to speak, I guess some proper motivation for the next World Cup is needed. I'm sure that their coach won't let them get away with some mere love taps. I can already hear the swishing sound of the cane, followed by nothing else than heavy breathing and some suppressed gasps. Rugby players are tough guys after all...

Kinky Hotel: The Swimming Pool

During our trip to the US and to Shadow Lane, Ludwig and I found some sweet spots in our hotels that invited us to take some sexy / kinky pictures. I'm going to show you the first set of them today. Of course, having an outdoor pool in the sun is always great. Especially if it isn't overcrowded!

For me, swimming is a wonderful exercise. It makes me feel refreshed and it is a good workout at the same time. But of course, one can also have a lot of fun fooling around in a pool. Ludwig and I did both, swimming lanes and making fun.

One activity to irritate your swimming partner which I can highly recommend is forming a triangle with your hands and starting to hum the musical theme of Jaws while chasing the other person, pretending to be a shark. The only risk: I nearly drowned because I laughed so hard when I chased Ludwig and the same thing happened to me when he turned the tables and started hunting me...

Swimming pools are of course also nice places for kinky play and common settings for spanking clips. Girls and boys in swimming suits are always a favourite. Unfortunately, real action was out of question in our hotel pool since there were too many people around. But at least we managed to take a few quick snapshots when we were alone for a short while.

A spanking under water might have gone unnoticed, but, well, due to the water resistance it doesn't really work. That's why spanking storylines involving a swimming pool usually only start there while the spankings take place on the edge or somewhere outside of the pool. Underwater spanking could provide a good workout for the spanker, though. Maybe it's an idea for a new sports trend?

Have you made any experiences with pool spankings in private play? In a private or even in a public pool? And has anyone of you managed to spank someone in the pool itself (with or without any tools)?