Saturday, August 22, 2009

Fiona's Riddle Unlocked

The truth is out: Niki Flynn is Fiona Locke. After years of speculation about the identity of this celebrated spanking fiction writer (a kinky model from the UK scene? a man in disguise? J.K. Rowling in disguise?), Niki decided to lift the veil and officially fessed up some ten day ago. Well, there goes another of the great mysteries in our kinky community, unravelled by the werewolf girl - and this time, it is a mystery she had created in the first place.

Like most of her friends, I had been in on the secret, and I did in fact participate eagerly when Niki asked us to stir the rumour mill about "Fiona" one last time prior to her coming out. I'm sure you noticed the flurry of posts which started popping up about the subject in July, written by bloggers like Emma Jane, Pandora Blake, me... Now you know what was behind them. Never in our wildest dreams, though, did we expect that it would create such a massive response. Suddenly, there was this huge, inter-blog discussion with dozens of comments, each one of them seemingly containing three new theories about Fiona Locke. I pointed the finger at Pandora Blake, claiming that she was Fiona. Pandora pointed the finger at Haron of The Spanking Writers. Prefectd aka Spanked Hortic decided to get in on the fun and pointed the finger at me:

"Ludwig has denied being Fiona Locke, which of course makes him a prime suspect. I get the impression that he would revel in the idea of having the whole of the spanking internet world running around like headless chickens wondering who Fiona Locke is. He would do this just for the twisted fun of it."

You got me there, mate - I do enjoy twisted fun! Which doesn't, however, change the fact that, in this case at least, the whole twisted fun was all Niki's idea. I'm a virtuous gentleman (in addition to being a pathological sadist), and I don't shy away from accepting blame when it is justified. But in this case, I have to agree with Lucy McLean, who recently wrote: "Given that Niki asked us to do it, I think she should be punished!" So, if you're going to bay for anyone's blood after our collective game of smoke and mirrors, you should bay for Niki's. Mind you, of course everybody and his brother is already doing that now!

But I am getting ahead of myself. So, anyway, Prefectd said that I'm probably Fiona, amidst half a dozen other theories that Fiona was Pandora Blake, one of Pandora's doms, Abel and / or Haron of The Spanking Writers, Caroline Grey, Caroline's dom, or perhaps Pandora Blake's cat, Fatface (of course, this isn't really a picture of Fatface, but it sure is a cute lolcat picture). I liked the cat theory in particular. Oh, and somewhere along the way, my Klingon girlfriend Kaelah put forward the idea that, maybe, "Fiona" was really a collective of authors. You know, similar to what the so-called "anti-Stratfordians" are saying about Shakespeare.

Yeah, it can get a tad confusing to keep track. But that was precisely the point, you see. Wile we were spreading all this merry and deliberate confusion, a few helpful souls who weren't in on the deal started pointing out that, quite obviously, Niki was Fiona. Needless to say, they had all the good, incontestable arguments on their side, too! Niki had written a book of her own, her "spanking memoirs" Dances With Werewolves. Conspicuously, it was under the same publisher as Fiona's work. And didn't the faceless woman on Fiona's book covers, the one with the shapely bottom and the long legs, look exactly like Niki?

We ignored these annoyingly perceptive individuals as well as we could! Fortunately, there was this other (anonymous) guy commenting on Pandora's blog, who earnestly asserted that: "Sorry to be obsessive but no, Fiona Locke is not Niki Flynn. Photographs of her were published on British Spanking at the time of the 2004 Night of the Cane and they are not remotely alike. And Niki was known by then, anyway. Both have posted on that site and their written styles are different."

As I always say, God bless all the spanking forum experts out there, who hear the grass grow and know everything about everyone in the scene. Without them, people like Niki and me wouldn't know what is going on with ourselves!

So, by this point, the really interesting question had become who among the many contributors to the "anti-Flynnean" camp really believed in what they were saying, and who didn't. As my friend Indy wrote in an email to me: "The only mystery behind the Fiona posts now is which commentators are pretending to be dense and which really are... I did write Graham to tell her she was right and that Niki was just having a bit of fun before revealing herself."

Speaking of emails, I received just as many mails about the whole Fiona thing as comments to my blog post. And the post got 23 comments, more than any other since I had done my first professional CP film several months ago. I was almost sorry to see it all end when Niki finally did her own paranoid pre-coming out post, followed by her proper coming out post two weeks later, on August 10th.

As a friend and as a fan, I'm glad that Niki is now able to publicly take the credit for her work as a spanking fiction writer in addition to the many plaudits she has already received for her filming and modelling. She really is a multi-talent, and "Fiona's" stuff is just as good in its own right as "Niki's". Another nice thing, now that the mystery is lifted, is the fact that people who have so far only been aware of either "incarnation" will now probably look at the other one, too. They will find new and interesting things to read or watch, and new facets of the auteur behind it all.

At the same time, it saddens me a bit to think that we're not going to hear any more delightful banter about Pandora's cat. Or about J.K. Rowling's cat. Does it really have to be the end, now that the truth about Fiona is out? Can't anybody think of interesting theories about what other mischief the cats might be up to?

As for me, I'm a historian, not a zoologist. My job is to chronicle things. So, on that note, as the spanking blogosphere's resident chronicler, let me end this post by collecting and archiving all the contributions to the Fiona Locke Affair, by all the authors. I don't think anyone else has made a proper list yet. Here is the definitive blog link history of five weeks when chaos reigned (and if you know something I've missed, please give me a nudge):

July 7th: I am not Fiona Locke by Emma Jane
July 9th: Fiona Locke: Enquiring minds want to know by Zille Defeu
July 11th: Who in the World is Fione Locke? by Ludwig
July 13th: I'm Fiona Locke, and so's my wife! by Pandora Blake
July 16th: Fiona Locke? New photographic evidence by Spanked Hortic
July 16th: Who is Fiona Locke by Leia-Ann Woods
July 19th: Fiona Locke by The Mystery Minx
July 21st: Will The Real Fiona Locke Please Stand Up? by Pixie Wells
July 25th: The Locke Identity by Niki Flynn
July 28th: More on the Fiona Locke Mystery by Zille Defeu
August 9th: That Fiona Chick by Mija
August 10th: Chaos Reigns! by Niki Flynn

Thanks to Niki aka Fiona for inviting us fellow bloggers to be part of her revelation. And you're welcome, it was fun to create so much chaos on your behalf.



Conspiracy theories are fascinating, even though the majority of them seem to be bunkum (the one about the steam trains was proven to be true, last year, so some of them must have some weight of evidence behind them). It is not so much the theories themselves that are so interesting but how people on both sides, pro and anti, react to them and present their points of views.

These theories present us with an insight into the human psyche, in a most fascinating of ways. It was so much fun to have one of our own in the kinky world.


Ursus Lewis said...

Oh, thank you for this "who is fiona?" timeline. So I can go thru this again and see if I missed something. I'm sure I did!

frants said...

Maybe ALL posters knew that Niki is Fiona.
I knew since a good year ago.
But I like conspiracies too. And writing stories.
And I have two pseudonym sm books out, on mainstream labels. And other public sm stunts. And 3 names.
You can do it too.

Indy said...

Now my only question is: is the Mystery Minx HH, Pandora's wife, or JK Rowling's cat? Hmmm, I think only one of those characters goes in for alliteration...


Indy, I thought that they where all The Stig?


Anonymous said...

Given how much of an online community is developing here, I am half surprised there isn't already a social network dedicated purely to spankophiles. I suspect that has not been taken yet... hint hint

Ludwig said...

In regards to the last (anonymous) comment: well, as a matter of fact, there are countless social networks dedicated to pure spankophiles. Forums, chatrooms, personal ads, groups who meet for "munches" (i.e. gathering of kinky people who meet in a "vanilla" place, like a pub), et cetera... No shortage of that whatsoever. The only trouble is separating the wheat from the chaff, and as usual, there is a lot of chaff.