Saturday, November 22, 2008

His Majesty King Football

Unlike most of my German countrymen, I'm not a major football fan. I go along with the mania every two years during the big international tournaments, which is when I tune in once or twice. But I don't usually follow the sport and I've probably seen fewer matches in my lifetime than any of my friends. Except for Niki Flynn, the one person I can think of who is even more clueless about football than I am. The two of us are without a doubt the most unlikely candidates you could think of to make a spanking video about the subject.

But that is exactly what we did when Niki came to Germany to shoot with Loge Cologne. They specialise in interrogation / torture sessions, so if you are into that, check out their movie section (also featuring Amelia-Jane Rutherford aka Ariel Anderssen). In between the electric shocks and candle wax, we also used the opportunity to film a freebie CP clip for our blogs. When the director (and leader of the Loge) Prior Ritze suggested the English-German football rivalry theme, Niki and I were pretty amused - the two of us, of all people, arguing about who has the better team! Between us, we probably know less than five of the current players by name...

But I had never whacked anyone with a flag before, so I was all in favour of the idea. As it turns out, it's a very awkward implement to use because of the air resistance of the cloth. And we didn't have a proper England flag, anyway, only a Union Jack. So I proceeded to a more traditional instrument before long, the cane, which was less cumbersome and elicited a much livelier reaction from Niki, too. I remember the sadistic glee from Amelia-Jane Rutherford and Prior Ritze while they were watching our "match" from the sidelines - their grins got wider with every yelp from Niki. Pity that it's not in the video! But it was an honour to hear Amelia-Jane enthuse about the lovely cane stripes afterwards. I must say, I quite liked them myself.

But don't pity poor little Nikita too much, she wasn't the only one who suffered. Before the scene, I toiled for about 45 minutes, inflating the football beanbag chair with a crappy little bicycle pump that was much too low for my height. I had back pains for the rest of the day. Ah, the sacrifices I make to bring free CP videos to the people... You can watch the result of our team effort in streaming format or you can download it here [Edit: The streaming format is no longer online, but the downloads are]:

MP4 format, 170 MB: link

(Click on "'Free Download", wait for the counter to count down, then solve the captcha and download the file.)

Now, if you think that my exploits in Cologne have transformed me into a football fan after all, I have to disappoint you. In light of recent events, I remain ambivalent. See, when I learned that Germany and England would be playing each other on November 19th, I suggsted to Niki that we not only use the occasion to release the clip, but also make a wager on the outcome of the match. To settle the "Who has the best football team?" question once and for all. The loser would be soundly whipped and caned. And moreover, we'd let the blog readers get involved with their own bets, resulting in additional strokes! Great idea, no?

Well, in light of my usual rotten gambling luck, I really should have known better - hey, I'm the guy who lost Amelia-Jane Rutherford in a game of dice, remember? I didn't lose to her, I lost her! How degenerate is that... Not surprisingly, then, the Germans promptly lost Wednesday's match 1:2, and deservedly so (I may not be much of a football expert, but I know weak and uninspired playing when I see it). Which means that Niki will get to exact her revenge for Cologne with a martinet and a cane. Grrr!

I sympathise with the M/F supporters among you who wanted Niki to be thrashed again. If it's any consolation, she is still getting 6 strokes with the martinet for the German goal. Peanuts, I know... Believe me, as a sadist who feels much more at home on the topping side, I would have preferred a different outcome myself! But betting debts are debts of honour, so there is nothing I can do (blame the ruddy German footballers). As well as that, there also seems to be a sizeable F/M fan bloc, and at least they are happy now (bastards).

Here are the lucky winners who bet on England on Niki's blog. The rules were that the loser will get 2 strokes extra with the martinet for each one:

Niki (yeah, go on and gloat, you snake...)
The Guv

So that is 9 times 2, and together with 6 strokes for each of the 2 goals scored by England, the result is 30 lashes with the martinet. The bet also stipulates that the loser will get 12 proper strokes with the cane, and 2 extra for every reader who successfully predicted the exact final score. Our resident clairvoyants Indy and Sandy both bet on England 2 : Germany 1, which brings the cane strokes to 16. One other comment that somehow got my attention was this one by RPT:

"I so want England to win. Not because I support England or have any interest in football, but I want to see Ludwig caned again. I have no idea why I am so sadistically minded against him, I just am."

That's alright, I always say that sadism needs neither explanation nor justification. It just is. As a fellow unapologetic sadist, I appreciate this kind of twisted affection (which is what cruelty really is, in my view). And so, because I'm jolly well in for it already, I've decided that I'm going to reward this magnificent, honest display of vileness by taking 2 extra strokes with the cane. What the hell. For RPT's personal amusement, and to bring the total to 18, which is a "triple six of the best" and a much more harmonious number, anyway (I really don't like 16 and I obviously can't reduce it, so this is the only option).

Final score: 30 with the martinet, 18 with the cane. More harmony as it all adds up to 48 = four dozen. The bottom line is, I'll never bet on a bloody football match again. Or any other sport, for that matter. But there are some occasions when even the mad ruler of Rohrstock-Palast has to defer to his fellow royal majesty, King Football (and to his gleeful executioner).

You'll have to be patient, though, because Niki and I probably won't get together again until next spring. But obviously, the England vs. Germany match was too good an occasion to pass up, even if it means that the readers have to wait a while to see the aftermath. In the meantime, you can enjoy this clip here of the American brat getting a caning of her own. I certainly had a good time giving it to her. Mm-hmm, gorgeous little stripes (actually, in light of how hard it is to mark that girl, they're really not bad at all). Must be tough for her to have to wait all winter until she finally gets her revenge.


smith said...

There are some things worth waiting for....and this is sure to be one of them.


Anonymous said...

Stop whining, Ludwig. It's not as if I'll be escaping totally unscathed next time we meet. If fate smiles on you (hey, fourth time's a charm, right?), then your caring sadism will be indulged as well. ;-)

Ludwig said...

We'll see if fate smiles on us. Wasn't it "third time's a charm", though? Hopefully, as it will be our third attempt at getting The Project off the ground. And if that happens, it would be the... 9th time that I'm caning you (yes, of course I keep count, meticulously).

So mayne 9th time's a charm, actually. Because that one will be special, Fräulein. *grins*

But let's not lift the veil of secrecy just yet, it's supposed to be a surprise.

Anyway, regarding the football thing: I'm not whining, I am sulking. And with every right, too! Bloody Germans! The one time when I'm interested in the outcome of a match, the one time when it really matters, they play their worst match in ages and lose against the English B team. Pathetic...

Ah well, I have no one to blame but myself, really. My selfish opportunism backfired, pure and simple. If nothing else, it is a lesson learned - don't bet on anything unless you are absolutely sure to win.

Anonymous said...

Ludwig, thank you so much. You made me feel guilty. (but it passed quite quickly!)

I fully expected Germany to win, England is rubbish at football, and I was amazed and delighted to hear the final score.

I was also quite pleased with the final score in the football match.

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, we can wait... ]:->


! said...

I agree with spankingbarbie - this is definately worth the wait =)

Anonymous said...

That's the first flag spanking we've seen... so, have to count that as a cool spanking in our book.

Todd & Suzy

Indy said...

Like Achilles in his tent, Ludwig? Surely you can find a better role model for dealing with minor setbacks like this!

Ludwig said...

I hadn't made the connection to Achilles myself, Indy. But now that you mention it, there is an interesting parallel here. When I eventually emerge from my tent, it will be with the same motive he had: revenge. And you do remember what happened to Hector, don't you?

Mind you, I have no intention of tying your body to the back of a car and dragging it around Munich. You don't quite deserve that, and besides, we could only really do it once. Got to leave the opportunity for more torments in the future.

No, I think some good old-fashioned CP is a much better form of revenge here. And richly deserved for the 2 extra cane strokes I'm getting because of you and your malignent visionary powers. You failed to mention that in your comment, but rest assured, I am not forgetting about it!

Unknown said...

I feel so sorry for you Ludwig. If it's any consolation at all, female subs are pure evil when given the opportunity to do some whacking...oops, shouldn''t have said that I was trying to make you feel better ;-)

Anonymous said...

Niki, how about making Ludwig count his lashes with the martinet in French?

All in the spirt of the Marquis, of course... :D

Indy said...

LOL, Ludwig. If you were actually a King, I would have to thank you for your mercy, but I have it on good authority from the Queen of the World that you aren't, really.

Ludwig said...

Indy: You are really starting to ask for it now, aren't you, Fräulein? Good, good. Let's just hope that your cheekiness comes with the judgment to realise where that path is going to take you. Otherwise, you'll get what you want, but you may end up not wanting what you get...

You're American, so your ignorance about royalty and aristocracy is excusable. But there is no "Queen of the World", really. No such title ever existed. Irelynn and Smudge are just pulling your red, white and blue Yankee leg.

There used to be a King of Bavaria until the November revolution in 1918, so at least my title has a historical precedent. But the truth is, I'm just using it for fun. My true background is infinitely more sinister. I assume you have heard of the Bavarian Illuminati. Not to mention that I'm a pack affiliate of Lupus. And that is just the very tip of the iceberg.

In other words, make sure that you know what you are doing before you "volunteer" to go on any name lists of mine. Just because I don't display them in public doesn't mean I don't have them, too. And you're getting awfully close after your 2:1 bet and the subsequent remarks...