Are All Drummers Kinky?

In order to resume my movie reviews, I obviously need to (re-) watch a movie or two that come under consideration for a critique. This week, I don't have the opportunity to do that in peace and quiet, so I'm going to write a quick, light-hearted post before I get the reviews going again in October.

The in-between post today is one I've been meaning to do for some time, anyway. You see, I'm a fan of The Muppet Show. Especially of Statler and Waldorf, the two grumpy old geezers who heckle the other muppets (and each other) with their spiteful remarks from the balcony. And they always have the last laugh, too. Actually, people who know me have compared me to Statler and Waldorf. But they are being unkind - I am not nearly as grumpy as those two guys. Then again, I am not nearly as old, yet.

But I digress. The trouble is, how do I accommodate The Muppet Show on a spanking blog and make it look at least somewhat on-topic? It took me a while to find a scene which I could deliberately misconstrue as being kinky, but I finally found it. It stars Animal, another one of my favourite characters, and Puerto Rican singer Rita Moreno doing a rendition of "You Give Me Fever". Animal keeps disrupting Rita's composure with his drum fills, until she has finally had enough.

I think it's a hilarious little clip. Anyone who has ever played in any band with any drummer can relate to it. And, yes, I do find that there are points of kinky interest in it. Behold the nice scolding lecture given by Rita to Animal halfway through the clip. It's in Spanish for the most part, a language that in my view has great potential for kinky interaction, with its blend of elegance and fire. Do we have a Spanish-speaking reader who can translate what she is saying? Then, in the end, Rita hits Animal with the clash cymbals, to which he replies: "That's my kind of woman!" Very suspicious. I mean, it could just be an expression of Animal's love for all things drum-related, but maybe there is more to it. Is Animal a kinkster? Kaelah thinks so. Actually, she told me: "All drummers are kinky!" Which is speculation, because she doesn't even know any drummers except the ones I know. None of whom are kinky, to the best of my knowledge.

Are there any drummers among our blog readers who can confirm or disprove the proposition that all drummers are kinky? Well, if you are reading the blog, it means that you are very probably kinky yourself. Otherwise, what are you doing here? But maybe you can comment on other drummers you know.

Six of the Best Search Terms: Volume II

Hi, folks! Time for another look at the strangest search terms which led people to this blog. The first instalment was published quite some time ago and in the meantime, interesting new search terms have shown up. Let's take a look at six of them:

naval cadet spankings floggings canings
Oh yes, in that order please!

darth vader bdsm
That person was obviously wrong on our blog. It's Star Trek, you know? Star TREK, not Star WARS! Sigh. Star Wars is over here.

esthetic spanking blog
This person has obviously found the right place! - What do you mean with "arrogant"???

gluteus maximus spanking
This reminds me of the educational responsibility that goes along with writing a kinky blog or making spanking porn. So, how about changing the vocabulary in kinky stories and clips a bit? Like: "I'm going to flagellate your gluteus maximus with this terginum until you accept me as your prefect!" No?

fuditätsch
A true example for the educational mission and the international flair of this blog! It's a Swiss term related to spanking which was explained by Ursus Lewis in his comment on my post Spanking Terms Around the World. I'm not sure, though, whether being threatened with "fuditätsch" would scare me or make me laugh. The Swiss language is really unique!

why do guys look at spanking porn
Good question! So, welcome to the newest edition of: Ask Ms Kaelah!

Dear Ms Anonymous,
it is indeed quite common for men to look at spanking porn, which means you don't have to worry that anything is wrong with your partner if he is doing it. That your partner watches spanking porn most probably only means that he is a harmless kinky pervert. Try to find out what he likes, exactly, and you might have a lot of unexpected fun in bed (or wherever)! And rest assured that your partner's porn watching activities are neither a threat to your relationship nor a sign that you are in any way imperfect as a woman or lover.

So, just … excuse me for a moment! Ludwig, what the heck are you doing there? Watching one of those five skinny 20-year-old "I don't care about hanging my tits into the camera and showing my private parts" girls in 30 minutes videos from Mood Pictures, huh?! What? Yes, of course, you are just watching it because you promised to write those $%&§!?# movie reviews for the blog again. Hard work, huh? Verbally maybe. Am I not enough for you? What do you mean, I'm hysterical? I AM NOT HYSTERICAL!!! I am only having a bad headache. And this is going to last at least one month, my friend, I can promise you that!

Uhm, where was I? Yes: So, just embrace your partner's openness for sexual kinky adventures. Show him that you don't judge him for watching porn. Only self-conscious, egocentric women would do so. Instead, use your newfound knowledge about your partner's fondness for kinky sex in order to start a new exploration together. Everything will be okay!

Yours sincerely,
Kaelah

The Massage Brush

As I already told you in my last post, I am without Ludwig right now, but with some work that really wears on my nerves and frustrates me. And what do depressed women usually do? Yes indeed, they go shopping! Now, I am obviously not a typical woman because I don't really enjoy shopping for clothes or shoes and I don't like to spend a lot of money on them, either.

So instead I went to the chemist's for my anti-frustration shopping tour. I got myself some bath essence and body lotion and such little things which one can use for a bit of inexpensive wellness at home after a nerve-racking day. That wasn't all, though. I also discovered some beautiful looking massage brushes in the shop.

I carefully took them off the rack one by one and inspected each brush carefully. They seemed like good craftsmanship and the wood felt smooth. I am not sure whether anyone watched me and wondered why I looked so closely at the back of each brush. Not that I care. I finally selected a brush and proudly put it into my shopping basket. It only cost about 8 € and I find that really good value for money!

Especially considering all the different purposes the brush can be used for! I use it to stimulate the the blood circulation in my legs. I don't know whether it really helps against the cellulite, but it is worth a try. In addition to that, the brush can be used for its original purpose - a relaxing back massage. And finally, there is of course another form of stimulation of the blood circulation for which the massage brush can be used as well. Its backside, to be more precise. Yes indeed, it can be used for a good old butt whuppin'!

In the picture on the top of this post you can see the result of a self-test. My back is red from the massage bristles and my bottom – well, I don't have to explain that part to you, do I? I think the bath brush is a lovely pervertable implement. And, as you can see, it is even suitable for a self-spanking because of its long handle. I still wished Ludwig were here, though. And not only because of my desire for a spanking. Uh well, it's only about two more weeks... And in the meantime I can take a cosy bubble bath or have a nice massage in order to relax a bit.

Kinky Games

(Screenshot of Smack and Yield. Game courtesy of Underling.)

I haven't seen Ludwig in more than two weeks and I might not see him during the next one or two weeks, either. Instead, I have to deal with some work that wears on my nerves. So, what can one do in order to calm down and get rid of some of the frustration? One thing would be watching TV, for example sports. But the Olympic Games ended quite a while ago. Well, not everywhere, though.

Some creative perverted minds used the inspiration provided by the Olympic Games to come up with a kinky variant. The first one was Abel, who invented the SpankOlympics. He was followed by the Northern Spanking crew who held a Spanking Olympics event at this year's Shadow Lane party (which Ludwig and I couldn't attend due to some §&$%!?# work that wears on my nerves!). There are lots of reports about the event, for example from Indy, Zille and Emma.

But honestly, when you are frustrated because you are all alone with a bunch of crappy work, reading about other people having fun doesn't help all that much to feel happier, right? So, what about computer games, then? Usually, I'm not much of a computer game player and there's a good reason for that – the risk of becoming an addict is much too high for me!

My parents and I did not usually go to any places where one could play Arcade games when I was a child, but my cousin had a Commodore Amiga and I got to play with him during my visits. One game we played was Street Fighter II. Hey, muscular guys (and a girl!) spanking the hell out of each other, what's not to like about that? Ludwig, who played many more computer games, made the observation that players often choose characters who are very different from themselves. Which might be true – I think I remember that I often chose Blanka, a compact fighter who was half human and half animal and looked nothing like me (he definitely wasn't half dachshund).
 

(Screenshot of Streets of Rage. Picture courtesy of SydLexia.com.)

Ludwig played another game which had even more kink appeal. See the two women figures in the screenshot above? Yes, they are carrying whips! They are part of a game called Streets of Rage, which Ludwig used to play with his friends. I guess he is lucky that he isn't predominantly a bottom, otherwise his friends might have noticed. I mean, the guy who doesn't try to avoid the lashes and mutters things like "Yes, harder, faster..." might arouse some suspicion, right?

However, we both didn't play explicitly kinky computer games before. Until now! Which brings me back to the Olympic Games. Because Underling was inspired by them as well and he invented a game called Smack and Yield (named after the classic Arcade game Track and Field) which has a wonderful retro look. You can play it for free on his site. The premise of the game is simple. Eight teams compete in a paddling event. In order to win, you have to smack the rear end of your opposing team's bottom player faster then the opposing team's top smacks your own team partner, so that the opposing team's bottom gives in first. There are three rounds, the quarter-finals, the semi-finals and the finals.

The game comes with a warning because you have to click the buttons really fast in order to win and it might cause damage to either your keyboard or your fingers. Exactly the right game to get rid of some aggressions! I started with the "Couch Potato" mode which is the easiest one. And I won gold right in the first try. Everything else would have been unacceptable, anyway! I mean, there is no such thing as a second winner. There is only victory or defeat! In case you are wondering, yes, it is no fun to go, for example, bowling with me. I mean, I can have fun and play around at work or wherever, but when it comes to competitions, it's war time and there are no friends in war.

Okay, I digress. I tried the "Spanker Elite" level next, which is the most difficult one. And that one is really challenging! On my first try, I made it through the quarter-finals but lost in the semi-finals. Of course I couldn't give up so easily. And so I made a second try, even though my fingers had started to hurt already. The semi-finals were a nail-biter and I already expected to lose again. But the match ended with a draw. Which meant, of course, that it had to be repeated. By then, my fingers were hurting quite a bit and started to clench, so I knew that I wouldn't be able to play another full game. I focused completely on hitting the buttons as quick as possible – and won the second round. During the finals, I only looked down on the buttons (instead of admiring the sweet graphic and background Underling has created) and thrashed them like my life depended on it, neither caring about my fingers nor about the keyboard. And I made it to gold! Mission accomplished, fingers and keyboard not broken (yet) and aggressions released!

(Screenshot of Smack and Yield. Game courtesy of Underling.)

Hmm, re-reading the last two paragraphs, I am quite sure that no-one is ever going to volunteer as my bottom team partner for any Spanking Olympics. But then, if you aren't willing to sacrifice everything for the victory, you aren't the right one for my team, anyway, loser! Oops, did I say that? Time to change the subject, I think.

So, if you like retro computer games, especially kinky ones, pop over to Underling and give it a try. In my opinion, he did a wonderful job with that hilarious little game.

How about your computer gaming experiences? Any kinky games you can recommend?

Orderly Reviews

When I started this blog back in 2008, my original vision was to have a three-part "chord" consisting of philosophical ramblings, movie and website reviews, and tongue-in-cheek humour. The philosophical ramblings had been a trademark of mine when I was a commenter on other people's blogs. Because I had always been a spanking movie buff, I was obviously going to write reviews (as a matter of fact, my original conception had been to do a pure review blog). Third and last, I wanted to balance the philosophical stuff and my video voyeuristic obsessions with a healthy dose of dark, George Carlin-esque fun. I did not plan on ever writing much about myself as a person. After all, what is interesting about that? And I vowed to myself that Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast would always stay as far away as possible from the style of the kinky couples blogs where people went on and on forever about their boring private lives. "Today, my master and I went out and bought a new whip..." Yaaawn! Screw that nonsense.

Well, it's four and a three-quarter years later, and things have certainly changed. My voyeuristic obsessions with spanking movies lessened considerably after I guest starred in some of my own. As is often the case when fulfilling a long-held dream, things you once considered so very damned important suddenly become much less so. My passion for writing movie reviews waned as well - I haven't done one since June 2010. And after meeting my beloved Kaelah, not only have I learned to appreciate kinky couples blogs, I am kind of writing one myself now. Or actually, she is writing most of it. We even have a post about shopping for whips.

Those are the great things in life - the unexpected, rather than the expected. Whatever "master plan" you have, it will sooner or later be overtaken by reality. And more often than not, reality turns out to be more intriguing than the master plan probably would have been.

But enough with the dime-store wisdom. The real purpose of this post is to make you all aware of a slight novelty on the blog. I have made a list of the movie and website reviews I wrote back in 2008-2010, which you can now find in a "quick links" section on the right. Ordered by production company and showing all the reviews at one glance, it is much more convenient to navigate and search than having to scroll through all the posts from the movie review and website review categories. I had planned to do such a list for some time now, so here it finally is.

The reason I did it now is because I plan to resume writing reviews. Yes, I think that after a break of two years, I have an interest in it again. There are still quite a few titles I would like to review, no shortage there. And while I was somewhat fed up with that particular kind of post two years ago, after having written several dozens of it, I am now starting to seriously miss it. I am also getting quite a few emails from people asking about what happened to the reviews, so I know that there are still a few movie buffs out there who miss them as well.

And who knows, maybe it will be a stepping stone towards getting me back to blogging more regularly again, about other subjects as well. I would love to tell you about Kaelah and myself, or maybe write a philosophical rambling again. But those are more challenging subjects, which I want to pull off just right, and I need to get back into the habit of writing first.

In any case, I think it will be very interesting to have a bit of the old mixed in with the new, and hopefully you will like reading some movie critiques again.

Kinky Fantasies: Leroy Jethro Gibbs

(Picture courtesy of Wikipedia.)

This is the first instalment of a series which I have planned to do for quite some time. It's about my favourite fictional TV characters and the kinky fantasies they create in my head. Having spent most of the time either in bed or in front of the TV during the last days due to a &$§#*%! cold, now seems like a good time to finally start this new blog feature. Pandora recently wrote a post about the TV show Castle and its cool and sexually submissive protagonist Rick Castle. The discussion in the comment section suddenly somehow also involved NCIS and its kinky potential. Since I am a huge fan of NCIS, I decided to make Leroy Jethro Gibbs the first fictional character I am going to write about.

The series and the character in a few sentences:

Gibbs (portrayed by actor Mark Harmon) and his team belong to the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. They investigate criminal offences involving members of either the Navy or the Marine Corps. Gibbs, a former Gunnery Sergeant and a very experienced Senior Special Agent in Charge, is the team leader. In short, lots of crime and suspense, lots of smart uniforms, a team consisting of very cool male and female characters and a very protective as well as assertive boss.

Kinky label:

For me, Leroy Jethro Gibbs definitely is dominant territorial. Oops, I guess that's a label usually applied to dogs rather than humans. But I think it fits quite well. In other words, Gibbs is a top who fosters and challenges his team members and who defends his pack against all attacks from the outside.

Kinky references:

The kinky appeal of NCIS is definitely high. In fact, I don't have to make up any kinky fantasies of my own because there is a lot of spanking taking place in the series, anyway. Or, to be more precise, slaps on the back of the head. As I stated in an earlier post, I am not very much into face slapping because it feels too real for me. But Gibbs wonderfully explains the difference between head slapping and face slapping and why he would never consider doing the latter: "A slap to the face would be humiliating. Back of the head is a wake-up call."

Kinky appeal:

Gibbs' appeal is quite easy to explain, given my kinky preferences. He is a stern but caring boss who has made his way up the ladder through hard work. Having been in the role of a probie (and on the receiving end of head slaps) himself, he now passes his knowledge on to his own team. Okay, okay, I admit it, the eye-candy factor is there as well. There is no way to deny that.

The attitude behind the head slaps and the relationships between the characters involved are why I love the head slapping scenes. The slaps are not about guilt or having to earn forgiveness. Gibbs even forbids his agents to apologize for their mistakes. There isn't a strict gender agenda, either. The female as well as the male members of the team are subjected to Gibbs' special treatment. And he even smacks himself once, knowing that he is about to violate protocol. The slaps are indeed a simple wake-up call, a reminder of who is in charge and, in a way, also a sign of care and affection.

Obviously, I am not the only one who loves the head slappings. There are several compilations of NCIS head slapping scenes on YouTube. Here is one of them for you to watch:


The funny thing is that it all obviously started spontaneously and rather out of character. Michael Wheaterly, the actor who plays Tony DiNozzo, the agent who quite often finds himself on the receiving end of Gibbs' head slaps, and Mark Harmon described the origin of the head slappings as follows:


There is only one team member whom Gibbs never slaps – Forensic Specialist Abby Sciuto. In my opinion, Abby would make a great switch, though. And I am sure that there are lots of kinky guys (and girls) out there who are sad that Abby is only very rarely shown on either the administering or receiving end of any slaps, and never in combination with Gibbs. In one episode, he threatens to slap her, though. I leave it up to you to interpret this scene:


Of course the slaps aren't the only kinky appeal of the series. Have I already mentioned the smart uniforms which can frequently be seen? And the abundance of cool, geeky and strong male and female characters? And the interrogations? Nothing more to add here, I think.

My favourite scenario:

Even though I like the other team members just as much (Timothy McGee even is a favourite of mine), the head slapping scenes with Anthony DiNozzo on the receiving end are my favourite ones. His facial expressions are delicious and the surprised little sounds that he makes are music to my little inner sadist's ears. Do I dream of more explicit spanking scenes? To be honest: not really. It might be strange for some people, but these small references which don't interfere with the adult, respectful, formal but friendly relationships between the characters have much more sex appeal for me than more explicit scenes would. I actually find the head slapping scenes much sexier than many several minutes long, full nudity spankings shown in kinky videos. Not only because I often prefer formal scenarios but also because the familiarity with the characters and the relationships between the characters make a smack erotic and meaningful to me.

Lessons learned:

An American friend once wrote that she had been told only Republicans watched NCIS. In my opinion the above excerpts show that one doesn't have to be a Republican at all in order to like the series – being kinky is all that it takes to enjoy the show. Oh, and I am obviously a uniform fetishist. Who would have thought?

Silly Spankings

The vote for my blogiversary spanking is over. Time to take a look at the final tally. 25 readers participated which adds up to a 75 strokes spanking. Thanks to everyone who has taken part by leaving a comment! The participants are: Fenris, Prefectdt, Lea, Newone, Rich Person, Speathrower, SpankCake, Ronnie, Gustofur, Ana, Erica, Donpascual, Val, Spiceman, Monsieur Fessee, Pete the Pork, Steve from Kent, Stan/E., Mikewill, Fred Bloggs, LittleGiana, Lanie, Mr. Robert, Gaviao and PanPasek.

Unfortunately, it seems like Ludwig and I won't see each other for several weeks because of our work schedules. But we are going to shoot and edit the clip as soon as possible. Both Secret Spanko and OldFashionedGirl recently published posts in which they stated that spanking and smiling should be combined more often. And Ana insisted that she would only add three strokes to the score if I told her afterwards that I enjoyed them.

I can definitely assure you that I am looking forward to my OTK spanking and that Ludwig and I are going to have fun with it! Okay, I am not so sure whether I am going to have so much fun during the spanking, because Ludwig will make the strokes count for sure. But I am absolutely positive that I am at least going to have lots of fun before, in between and after the spanking. You'll see!

As a matter of fact, in my opinion it is very important to mix spanking and sex with fun and to even behave really silly in bed sometimes. Okay, the latter might kill the erotic mood for a moment, but a good laugh definitely has a great value of its own. Ludwig and I recently had such a really silly time with some unusual "pet play".

Ludwig was right in the middle of seducing me when he suddenly laid down on my tummy, looking at me like a cat that wants to have milk. "Oh, that's very sexy and so dominant, my domcat", I teased him. Ludwig wasn't deterred by my statement and left the room to fetch some toys. I was in a silly mood and couldn't let go of the pet play image that had formed in my head, though.

So, when he came back, Ludwig found me on my back behaving and panting like a dog that wants to be petted. "I'm a naughty little dog", I explained with a sheepish grin. Ludwig had to laugh. For a moment, he didn't know what to do. "Laughter kills lust!", he finally explained with a sigh. "Aww, really?" Somehow my sympathy didn't come over convincingly (maybe the suppressed grinning had something to do with that).

Which prompted Ludwig to pull me over his lap, take down my panties and spank me. After only a few smacks I started yowling like a dachshund. "Hey, that's cruelty to animals!" I protested. "No, it isn't. I just give you the discipline that you need. You are the dog and I am the pack leader", was Ludwig's reply as the smacks continued to rain down on my bottom. (Note to myself: I shouldn't invite Ludwig to watch The Dog Whisperer with me any more.) Being the calm and submissive dog that I am, I soon gave in and started sniffing at Ludwig. "I'm taking in the smell of the pack leader", I explained. Which ended the spanking because we both cracked up laughing again.

Our little excursion into the realms of (maybe overly realistic?) pet play didn't kill the erotic mood for long, though. And it remains in my memories as some hilarious, light-hearted fun.

When was the last time you mixed up kink and sex with having silly fun? I hope it hasn't been too long ago.