Being and Seeing

One little item at the Shadow Lane party gave me a lot to think about. It's the name cards everyone wore in order to make conversation easier. The little tags not only showed the name, they also gave information on the spanking preferences of their carrier. There were four options one could choose: “dom”, “sub”, “switch” or “other”.

Of course one might already debate the choice of the words“dom” and “sub” instead of, for example, “top” and “bottom”. I've been told that Eve, our Shadow Lane host, is of the opinion that “top” and “bottom” might imply a hierarchy and an according difference in value, which is why she uses “dom” and “sub”. Others like me simply interpret “top” and “bottom” as descriptive terms that  express on which side someone prefers to play, while “dom” and “sub” say something about the intention and attitude someone has during a scene. I've already written about my understanding of these different labels here, though, and that is not the point I would to discuss today.

What I found highly interesting, however, was how much the choice of one's label says about how people see themselves. Most of the people I know consider themselves either predominantly a top or predominantly a bottom. But most of them also switch, at least from time to time. Interestingly, these people made very different choices when it came to ticking one of the label boxes and that's what aroused my curiosity.

As you can see in the picture above, Ludwig introduced himself at the party as a “dom” (although he too prefers “top”), while I chose the “switch” option. I guess that there are several reasons why Ludwig didn't choose the “switch” label as well. First of all, Ludwig is of course predominantly a top. He does switch, but only on very rare occasions, and he is very picky about the people who get to top him. Without exception, it is either for video clips or for me in private. So, chances for him to bottom on any occasion during the party were virtually zero. Why use a “switch” label then? And last but not least, even when Ludwig switches, he does it with an attitude which he calls auto-aggressive sadism or self-sadism. That means he doesn't really explore the scene in a bottom mindset. Instead, he appreciates the resulting reactions and marks on a video clip from a top perspective. Another reason for him not to choose “switch” as a label.

I, on the other hand, am predominantly a bottom. But, playing on the top side from time to time as well is very important for me. The fact that I switch in my relationship with Ludwig means a lot to me because it shows me that Ludwig trusts me enough to give himself into my hands and that there is no one-sided power dynamics between the two of us, not even in our kinky play. In many of my fantasies, especially the M/M ones, I also switch between the mindsets of the top and the bottom characters, even though the bottom perspective might be slightly more important for me most of the time. And third, when it comes to kinky play at parties and with others than Ludwig, I have more fantasies about and feel a bit more comfortable with playing as a top than as a bottom. In conclusion, switching is very important for my self-image as well as for my public persona, and I feel much more comfortable with the label “switch” than with the label “bottom” (or worse, “sub”).

A lot of different choices could be seen among our friends, though. Paul for example, despite of switching about as rarely as Ludwig does, and I think also almost exclusively with Mija, chose the “switch” label. When Mija brought up the topic, he explained that it didn't matter how often he switched, the only thing that mattered to him when he chose the label was that he switched at all.

Indy and Mija both introduced themselves as bottoms. Indy with the additional hand-written comment “kind of”, though, which I think says everything about this woman and her special attitudes. The label “bottom” of course didn't keep Mija from topping Indy at the party – and Indy's account of the scene clearly shows that Mija definitely has a toppy side as well!

I was especially curious to see which label Leia-Ann Woods had chosen. After all, she plays a lot on both sides and tops very often nowadays. To my surprise, her name tag said “bottom”, though. So, this is either how Leia-Ann sees herself (predominantly) or how she wanted to be seen at the party.

Looking at these different examples, I think that there are several aspects that determine how we present ourselves at a public event like a party and which labels we chose. First of all and I guess most importantly, there are our own fantasies and general play preferences. Secondly the choice can of course also reflect a person's momentary mood and which kind of play someone is looking for right at the time.

But I think there is more to it than that. In my opinion, it is also about how we want to be seen in public, by the people we know and especially by those whom we meet for the first time. For example, I've heard that there are often more male bottoms at spanking parties than female tops and that the females who are willing to top are in great demand. This might keep some women from ticking the “switch” box if they don't want to be constantly asked to top others. My own choice was determined by similar motives. One of the reasons why I didn't introduce myself as a bottom was that I wanted to keep away any men who belonged to the “spanking is naturally always M/F” and the “I want a woman who finds satisfaction in submitting or being made to submit to a man” faction because this is an attitude I don't feel comfortable with.

Maybe there are even more variables that influence one's choice for a certain label at a public event? So, I would like to ask our dear readers about your thoughts on labels at spanking parties: How would you introduce yourself and why?  Anyone who would choose the “other” option? Would you add any handwritten comment on your name tag? Has anyone made special experiences with the different labels at parties? And, last but not least, which value and how much influence do the labels on the name cards have at all for you at spanking parties? You are all very welcome to share your thoughts, ideas and experiences in the comment section!

Kaelah's Corner (Sep 2011): Objects In The Rear View Mirror...

In a few minutes the last lesson of the day would begin. We were standing in the corridor in front of our classroom, a bunch of girls and boys aged about fourteen. Suddenly, one of the cool kids had an idea: “Hey, let's all skip class. The teacher is a jerk, anyway.” Within seconds the word spread. And everyone seemed to agree.

Then, someone said: “But Andrea and Kaelah, you two won't come with us, right?” At once, all pairs of eyes focussed on my best friend and me. We were inseparable, two kindred spirits fighting against the rest of the world. And our points of view didn't always fit to what the rest of our classmates thought. So, the assumption that we might not be game wasn't unfounded.

I didn't have to think very long. Indeed I wouldn't go with them. Not because I liked that particular teacher more than the others did. Just because skipping class didn't feel like the right thing to do for me. Had anyone come up with an idea for a funny prank like in the books that I loved to read... But simply running away?

Andrea and I maybe wanted to skip school once, shortly before our graduation, to see how it felt. But spontaneously, just because someone thought it was a funny idea? No, thank you. Group pressure and group activities weren't my thing, anyway. After all, I considered myself a human being, not a sheep.

It was Andrea who spoke up, though: “I don't know what K's going to do, but I am going to come with you.” That definitely was not what I had expected. I was stunned. But I didn't change my mind. I had my beliefs and I wasn't good at changing them from one second to another. It's still something that doesn't work well for me today.

A few seconds later I was still standing in the corridor, alone. The others including Andrea were gone. This was the day I lost my best friend. A day that has influenced me a lot. And a day that has defined limits for my kink as well.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't tell you this story in order to discuss any ethical questions or questions of guilt with you. Both, Andrea and I, had to make a spontaneous decision. I hadn't been aware that she had obviously become more and more unhappy in the role of an outsider. Skipping class with the others was her chance to participate in a group activity and to gain more acceptance from our classmates.

And I? Looking at it from today's perspective, having skipped one lesson wouldn't have been as evil as I considered it to be when I was fourteen years old. I still don't find it very cool and I would still prefer a funny prank, but I know that it wouldn't have caused the world to stop. At the time it felt wrong, though, and I wouldn't have been able to look in the mirror the next morning had I decided against my beliefs. And so I stayed behind.

Of course, at the time, Andrea's decision felt like betrayal to me. And it conjured one of my greatest fears: Being left behind by a person I trust because they decide that I'm not cool enough for them and that being accepted by others is more important than staying at my side.

It was this special fear that caused some initial difficulties in Ludwig's and my relationship, especially concerning kinky activities.

As you all know, Ludwig had played with different people before we met and he had just started making films when we became a couple. At that time, film-making was very important to him and he had a mental list of producers and models he wanted to work with. I, on the other hand, had never played with anyone else than Ludwig, and didn't have any intention to do so. The idea of making spanking clips had also never occurred to me before I met Ludwig.

Ludwig had already started his journey in the kinky community, though, and again I had to make a decision: Coming with him or staying outside. This time I wanted to become a part of the community Ludwig belonged to. And I wanted to be seen as Ludwig's partner in the kinky community.

Since Ludwig was a public persona and had already published spanking clips with other women, the wish to be seen as his equal partner led to my desire to make clips that had to be at least as important to Ludwig as the ones which he had made with others. That's why I started making clips, despite of knowing that this was something that I did primarily in order to feel like a part of Ludwig's community and to mark my territory, not something that I sought so much for myself.

Ludwig took my concerns re clip making very seriously and never pushed me. But at the same time he was of the opinion that partners who really love each other give each other as much freedom as possible. For him, making spanking clips was something completely different from our private play as partners, something creative and artistic rather than something sexual. And of course the storylines were much more interesting to him the more people and variety were involved. So, the list of producers and models remained. I was very welcome to join Ludwig, but he still wanted his film-scenes with others as well.

Dealing with this took me a long time because the situation brought up my old fears. I had the feeling that, despite of this time having made the decision to follow Ludwig instead of staying behind, this still wasn't enough. I felt that I wasn't enough, that Ludwig still wanted his own experiences with others who were cooler than me in order to show off in front of the community.

It took me a while to understand what was going on with me and to explain the situation to Ludwig. Luckily, the issues disappeared step by step. I found out that I liked making spanking clips, even though only within certain limits. Ludwig and I developed film projects that worked for both of us and that included others as well. And, last but not least, the landscape of producers and models in the scene changed and film-making became less important for Ludwig, so that he didn't mind not doing the one or other project that might have been outside my comfort zone.

The second kinky aspect that was influenced by my fear, though, was private play with others. In the beginning this was something that I didn't seek, anyway, and an idea I didn't feel comfortable with. This never was a big problem, though, because Ludwig wasn't too keen on playing with others in private, either. Not that he didn't like the idea, but it wasn't as important for him as film-making.

But over time, as I realised how much I liked making clips and posting kinky pictures, at least the idea of playing in front of others developed a certain appeal. Still I was reluctant to try it for real. The reason was that I was afraid of getting the feeling that Ludwig and I, being top and bottom, were standing on opposite sides during the scene and that he and the spectators were having fun at my expense. I knew that even the typical little mockery that tops do during a scene could cause that feeling with me, and I didn't want to take that risk.

Again, Ludwig and I talked a lot about this. And we came to the conclusion that it might work after all. We only had to find a fitting scenario. A scene in which he used me as a kind of demonstration object which he proudly presented to the spectators came to our minds. Or a scene with a kind of double-agent storyline, in which Ludwig spanked me in front of others, but behind the scenes we were working together and it would be us against the rest of the world.

Interestingly, we finally didn't need any of these special storylines. At Shadow Lane, I suddenly felt ready not only to play in front of others, but also with others. I think it is still something that I only long for within certain limits and nothing that I have to do every time I meet other kinksters. But after my Shadow Lane experience I'm sure that playing in front of or with others on special occasions will bring me a lot of fun that I don't want to miss out on.

But why is it suddenly possible for me to try these things? I have thought about this question and came to the conclusion that it has to do with different factors: My own kinky experiences, the development of Ludwig's and my relationship and the friendships that I have developed in our community.

First of all, writing this blog and posting pictures and clips has made me a lot more self-confident. From our clip-making experiences I also know that playing with others (at least the way Ludwig and I do it) is something completely different from our play as a couple, and I don't have to be afraid that another woman could become more important to Ludwig than I am.

Over time I have come to trust Ludwig to know me well enough to take care of me and to avoid things that could make me feel bad in a scene. I also know that he won't push me and that trying something out once doesn't mean that I have to do it permanently in the future. That means that I can always listen to my gut feeling and see whether I'm in the right mood for play.

Last but not least, at the Shadow Lane party I also trusted the people we played with and knew that they would never push me and that I wouldn't ever develop the feeling that they made fun of me. They might watch with a sadistic glee, but it would always be affectionate sadism and that is of course something completely different from having fun at someone else's expense.

Still, certain fears will always remain a part of me. And certain scenarios surely won't ever hold any appeal for me because they would bring up negative memories and emotions. But talking openly about everything, developing ideas of things that could work and learning how to treat and to trust each other in my relationship with Ludwig made it possible for me to try out new kinky activities, despite of my fears. I'm curious to see what the future will bring. I'll surely find out, at my own pace and with the partner I trust.

Prisoner of Alcatraz

 

On our way to the Shadow Lane party, Ludwig and I landed in prison. More precisely, in one of the most notorious prisons ever, Alcatraz! We had used our trip the USA not only to meet friends at the party but also to do some sightseeing on the west coast. Now, I'm not too keen on kinky prison scenarios, but even for me Alcatraz was a must. And of course I hoped to be able to take the one or other kinky photo there.

Alcatraz has a very exciting history, and not only as the island that hosted one of the most famous prisons of all times. It all starts with the interesting fact that Alcatraz (island of the pelicans / seabirds) was originally the name of an island next to today's Alcatraz. But then a British sailor confused the two islands, and so they changed their names!

The first building on Alcatraz was a U.S. Army fortress which was built during the California Gold Rush in order to protect the San Francisco Bay. From 1861 Alcatraz housed Civil War prisoners. In 1867 a brick jailhouse was built on the island and from 1868 until 1933 Alcatraz was used as a military prison.

By then the need for a high security civil prison had arisen, though, and Alcatraz suited that purpose perfectly. Not because of any sharks that lived in the water around the islands, as legends sometimes say, but because the water was so cold that it was nearly impossible to survive an  attempt. So, on January 1st 1934, the famous United States Penitentiary Alcatraz Island was opened.

During its usage as a prison from 1934 to 1963, Alcatraz housed some of the most well-known and most notorious criminals of the time, such as Al Capone, Robert Franklin Stroud (the “Birdman”) and George “Machine Gun” Kelley. In Alcatraz prisoners weren't names, though, but numbers. The rules were rather simple. The most important rule for every inmate was the following: “You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter and medical attention. Anything else that you get is a privilege.”

The most famous escape from Alcatraz featured Frank Morris and the brothers John and Clarence Anglin. They had dug tunnels through the back walls of their cells until they broke through to a corridor. Then one night they placed fake heads and bodies in their beds and escaped through the corridor and over the roof of the prison. Their bodies were never found, but it is very likely that they didn't survive the escape and drowned. But of course their story makes people wonder and fantasize and so it isn't a big surprise that it was used as film material. In the movie “Escape from Alcatraz” from 1979 non other than Clint Eastwood stars as Frank Morris.

From 1969 to 1971 Alcatraz played an important role in a completely different important historical event. A group of Native Americans calling themselves the “United Indians of All Tribes” occupied the island as part of their fight for improvements to the situation of Native Americans in the US. Despite of finally having to give up after 19 months due to the difficult living conditions on the island, they managed to raise a lot of awareness and to strengthen the rights of Native Americans.

Most of the visitors who come to Alcatraz today are of course especially interested in visiting the prison, though. And there are many visitors who come to Alcatraz each day! As a matter of fact, one has to buy tickets several days in advance, otherwise only very expensive combo tickets are available, and even those are sold out quickly.

Ludwig and I were lucky to get two tickets, and so we started a fascinating tour into history. Only some days later did I find out that we weren't the only kinksters who did the tour. Leia-Ann Woods has written a report about her Alcatraz experience as well. It would have been very funny had we bumped into one another on Alcatraz!

The island is very beautiful and the prison is indeed impressive. And of course it also triggers kinky fantasies! As you can imagine, it isn't really easy to take any kinky pictures with all the other people around. But those who know me a bit might have realised that I can be quite stubborn if I want something. Ludwig can definitely tell you stories about that character trait of mine...

And so, you can not only see me behind bars in the picture at the top of this post and in one of the small cells in the second picture, wearing my fitting “Hotel Alcatraz” t-shirt that reads: “The Hotel Alcatraz: Guaranteed room with a view, 24 hour security, lifetime accommodations, catering to select clientèle, bars in every room, all drinks are on the rock”. We also managed to shoot the picture below that I like very much. It was taken in one of the dark isolation cells prisoners were brought to when they had really messed up.

Obviously I must have done something that calls for serious discipline and the shadow in the door bodes ill... Isn't it great when one can combine historical studies with kinky fantasies?!

... doesn't always stay in Vegas.

So, this is the second part of my Shadow Lane report. As announced in part one, today's post is going to be about the spanking action. Without further delay, here we go!

The first play session Ludwig and I joined took place on Saturday in Indy's room. Judy Verbena, Indy, Cate Stoker and Mr Allen were already in action when Ludwig and I knocked on the door. Indy and Cate had already made their first encounters with a nasty prison strap and a cane before we arrived, which Indy has described in detail here.

As we entered the room, we saw that Judy was bent over the bed, “testing” different and increasingly severe straps at the hand of Mr Allen who was visibly enjoying his duty. Judy, being rather new to the spanking scene, proved to be very tough and finally even tried the prison strap like the others before her. Meanwhile, Indy and Cate watched with glee and even managed to throw each other under the bus for an additional caning while doing so.

When Judy was finally released, Indy and Cate went over the bed for six of best each, and hard ones this time! Indy even counts that caning as the most severe one she has ever taken so far. By the way, don't take that woman seriously when she tells you that she doesn't play hard. At least Mr Allen was kind enough to give the two some time to catch their breath after each stroke. It really was a joy to watch!

After having watched the others getting spanked, I was eager to be next but at the same time a bit insecure as well because their spankings had looked quite severe and I wasn't sure whether I was in the mood for that. Especially since this would be a cold spanking. I wanted to try Mr Allen's koboo and dragon canes, though, and asked Ludwig for a “not so severe” spanking with them. So, over I went, hands placed on the bed, dress flipped up for the cane.

It was the first time that I played in front of others in a private session. So far I had only done this for film clips. Indy was very kind and thoughtful, reminding me that I could try out the canes without anyone watching if I didn't feel comfortable with playing in front of them. I think it was this atmosphere of no pressure, light-heartedness and care for each other which made it so easy for me to be relaxed and enjoy having an audience.

There were five canes, all medium thick but nonetheless of slightly different severity, and my first idea was to take one or two strokes with each of them. But then Ludwig started out with six strokes with the first cane. I can definitely say that, for me, unpeeled canes are much easier to take than the peeled rattan ones which we usually have in Germany! Admittedly, the strokes weren't too severe, but they weren't love taps, either.

With the second, slightly more severe cane, Ludwig wanted to stop after four strokes. This suddenly felt inappropriate, though, because it would have shattered my cosmos of numbers. So, without much thinking, I asked him to make it six as well. With the next cane, Ludwig accidentally only gave me five strokes which resulted in a spontaneous: “But that were only five, there was one missing!” The spectators eagerly confirmed that one last stroke was left and Ludwig of course wasn't opposed to dishing out an additional stroke, either, and so finally my little cosmos of numbers was in order again.

The others were quite amused by all this and someone suggested that it would be interesting to see what I would do in a similar situation during a very severe scene. “I assume the same as she just did”, was Indy's guess. Chances are good that she is right. I'm a strange girl, I know. Strange but happy!

The next two sets of six went by without any special incidents, apart from my more and more throbbing bottom that is. Ludwig's last strokes were harder but not too severe. Being warmed up now, I suddenly didn't feel properly finished, though. And again, without much thinking, I asked for a final six proper strokes. And I got them! When I told you that I prefer unpeeled canes, I didn't intend to say that they don't hurt. They definitely do! And they can leave quite nasty and deep-going marks and welts, even when used a bit less full-arm than a peeled cane, because they are heavier.

So, after the last six strokes I had a nice set of red welted tramlines and already a few blueish bruises to show off. Ludwig told me to turn around and show the others, who had watched from the side, the result of his handiwork. I was a bit surprised by the big hard welts on my bottom, but felt very happy and also properly caned now.

Then Mr Allen showed me a stunning looking cat-o-nine tails. I would very much love to do a naval cadet scene with Ludwig in the near future and this cat-o-nine would have been just right for that purpose. Since I wore a backless dress, anyway, I was perfectly dressed for a back whipping. So I asked Mr Allen for a little demonstration and he happily obliged (therefore being the first person other than Ludwig with whom I played in a private scene). The whip felt great, similar to the big soft flogger we have. After a while Mr Allen showed Ludwig how to use the whip and he took over.

A caning just of the right severity followed by a soft back whipping – that's what I call a good day! We took a few pictures of the cane marks, so that you can see the results as well, and then went to the suite parties together.

As I already mentioned in my last post, I wasn't involved in any play at the suite parties. But I got to watch two very memorable scenes there. The first involved Mr Allen and Cate who earned herself another caning by teasing him. And since these two don't seem to be so much into light play to say the least, Cate took a very hard thrashing again. There was even a small spot of blood (a little weak spot I assume) on her chastised bottom by the time Mr Allen was done.

Mr Allen's accurate technique and Cate's restrained reactions were both a joy to watch. What was even more enjoyable, though, was the look on the faces of two of the spectators who stood directly in my field of vision. It was a mixture of awe and shock and I had the feeling that they even turned a bit pale as the caning unfolded.

The second scene I watched featured Mr Allen again and at first Lizzie whom Indy had “pimped” to him. Lizzie took a long strapping and caning and it was obvious that she was enjoying it. Maybe a bit too much for Cate's and Indy's taste. The latter went over to the two and passed their thoughts on to Mr Allen. Which of course did not only result in a more intense spanking for Lizzie, but a caning for Cate and Indy as well...

Indy also tried to fool me by telling me that taking the nasty prison strap would improve the blood circulation and thereby reduce the long-term bruising from my earlier caning. Lizzie confirmed that a lighter spanking with a strap or alike might indeed help that way, but definitely not a prison strap! This little prank only augmented the thought that had already come to my mind, anyway. I wanted to get the chance to try out one of the unpeeled canes – on Indy!

Generously, Indy granted my request. Not on Saturday, though. We had already played so much that it was time to get some rest. After lunch on Sunday, the time had come. Cate and Mr Allen had unfortunately left and so Mija, Paul, Judy, Indy, Ludwig and I were gathering together for some final play before Ludwig and I had to leave as well. Mija and Paul had some nice crook-handled canes and I asked Indy to select one of them. She opted out the thinnest one but left me the choice between the other two. I selected the medium one and Indy bent over the couch.

When I took aim, Indy turned around and asked: “Have we agreed on a number of strokes, yet?” I looked at her and said: “I think one dozen should be good, that gives me a chance to start a bit lighter and get used to the cane.” After all, I had never wielded a crook-handled cane before! The “start out lighter” part convinced Indy and she agreed.

And so it happened. I started out rather lightly, but not too softly, and increased the severity when I realised that my accuracy was right. After the fifth stroke Indy asked: “How many were that?” A cruel top would of course have used that question to add some extra strokes, but being the nice girl that I am, I simply told her the accurate number. The spectators weren't so nice, though. Mija guessed that it must have been about three strokes and Ludwig said something about “less than four”. Indy decided to trust my count...

She answered some of the following, more severe strokes with a: “That was a good one.” Now you can make up your own opinion re Indy and masochism... Before long, the dozen was nearly full. “You know what they say about the last one?” I asked Indy, making her chuckle. The answer came from the background, uttered by Paul: “The last one is always very light, almost symbolic.” “Oh really?”, I answered. “That must be a cultural difference between the US and Germany then.” And with these words I gave Indy a last proper stroke.

When I turned to the audience, Paul looked at Mija: “How about you?” And he gently pushed her into my direction. Mija didn't seem to be unwilling and I felt honoured to get the unexpected chance to top her as well. I hugged Indy and thanked her for having been such a wonderful victim and then I gave Mija the same treatment which Indy had faced before.

Mija warned me that she doesn't mark too much, which doesn't mean that she doesn't feel the strokes, though. She was also very stoic, but I didn't want to turn that against her. See, I'm a nice person! Only when Mija seemed a bit bored, I decided to go harder. The audience was not so nice, by the way, constantly reminding me that Mija sounded like the spanking wasn't hard enough for her... Like with Indy, I finished the dozen strokes with a final, more severe one.

I was very happy that both canings and both victims had been so much fun and that I had been safe and accurate. Except for one stroke during Indy's caning that went a bit low, that is. Indy was kind enough to pretend that it only hit the crease, but I think at least the tip also touched her leg.

Of course the canings hadn't been too hard, but that was okay for me. I'm not an experienced top, I had never used an unpeeled, crook-handled cane and I had never played with one of my victims before. Plus, Indy as well as Mija had more play time to come, so going too hard to my mind would have missed the point. Maybe I'm still a bit too nice as a top, though. At least that's what came to my mind after having read Indy's report about a scene in which Mija topped her later!

Paul also proved directly after my caning how much more Mija can take. He told her to stay bent-over and gave her one final cane stroke himself, which made my strokes look like love taps! Mija also took this one with gritted teeth and was finally allowed to get up so that we could end the scene with hugs.

Meanwhile, Indy had decided that she wanted another caning, this time from Ludwig - because, as she explained, she had never been caned by an “international porn star” before. So she wanted to have at least a symbolic caning from Ludwig. I warned her that Ludwig's canings never feel symbolic, but that didn't change her mind. Ludwig of course happily obliged and so Indy went over for her second dozen. We all watched Ludwig apply all of his strokes accurately as always. They were a bit more severe than the ones I had dished out, but not completely over the top either, for similar reasons as the ones I have mentioned above.

After Indy was happy and done, I felt that I wanted to do one little last scene before we left, this time on the receiving end. Mija and Paul had brought two tawses and I was eager to try them. So, I bent over the sofa and Ludwig gave me six proper licks with each of the tawses. They were of different severity but both rather on the nasty side. Directly after the first stroke I realised that one spot on my right cheek was burning much more than the rest of my bottom. It was the spot were the caning from the day before had left a dark bruise. Well, unpeeled canes might be easier to take if you don't like sting, but they can leave quite deep bruises...

I managed to go through the tawsing without making too much fuss, though. But the one or other hissing sound and surprised comments about the amount of pain these nasty little things produced were inevitable. Nonetheless, the tawsing left me with a wonderful warm afterglow in my cheeks once the acute pain was gone. Mija was kind enough to take a picture with her mobile phone before Ludwig and I had to leave. It's not as sharp as a picture from a photo camera but I think it gives you a good impression.

As soon as the last scene was over, Ludwig and I had to hurry up and make our way to the airport. I would have loved to stay much longer and share more time with our wonderful friends. And I would especially have loved to watch Judy's first-ever caning which she received later that day from Paul. Only to support Judy mentally, of course... But even though this was unfortunately not possible, the Shadow Lane weekend will stay in my memory as a great event and a wonderful time with a bunch of fantastic and lovely people!

What happens in Vegas...

Ludwig and I have left the USA and the Shadow Lane party behind, but we have taken some great and lasting memories with us. The saying goes: “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” But we are going to make an exception from that rule and share our experiences with you.

Since this was our first big public spanking party ever, I've decided to write about the general party schedule and my personal impressions first. Maybe this is of interest for those among you who haven't been to a spanking party (, yet), but would like to know what goes on at these events. Of course I'm also going to tell you how we spent our time and about the wonderful people we met. But the play sessions we enjoyed will be the subject of another post. For today, let's focus on an overview of the event as such.

The party took place in Las Vegas and was scheduled from Friday, September 2nd till Sunday, the 4th, but some people arrived earlier or stayed a few days longer in order to share more time with friends. Ludwig and I only arrived at the 2nd, after having escaped a bush fire that had let to a complete closure of a part of the highway to Vegas. Although the whole trip was a bit stressful, we were very much looking forward to the party, especially to meeting old and new friends.

Two wonderful people with whom we only had communicated via our blogs and emails so far and whom we met in person for the first time on our trip were Mija and Paul. Despite of never having met us before, these two gave us a sweet present – the new charity spanking anthology which has just been published by the Spanking Writers! It features spanking stories by various well-known kinky authors and bloggers, and the complete profits of the book are donated to cancer research. You can find out more about the book here. Paul himself had contributed one story to the book, so it was a very personal gift as well.

As you can imagine, this already made us feel very comfortable and welcome when we made our way to the vendor fair, the first official event that took place on Friday evening. We instantly spotted Mija and Paul and a short time later also our friend Indy whom we had already met once in the UK. I think knowing some of the people beforehand made it much easier to feel content and relaxed, but I assume that it isn't really necessary to know anyone in person in order to find a chat partner. Having made some contacts online beforehand surely helps, though, either via blogs or via the Shadow Lane site, to which one gets access when booking tickets for the party.

The dress attire at the vendor fair was mixed but quite casual. And of course there were also some kinky outfits to be seen. Indy, for example, wore a very sweet Japanese school uniform. The fair was smaller than I had expected- You could buy some spanking films, implements (especially paddles) and meet a few models. Sarah Gregory was there and Erica Scott sold and signed her new book Late Bloomer.

I had commented on Erica's blog several times but never met her in person. So, we went over to her and said hello. She was as nice and kind as I had expected and I managed to briefly chat with her twice during the weekend. Unfortunately, Ludwig and I waited a bit too long with buying her book (we were already struggling with our luggage restrictions and weren't sure whether we could fit another book in), and the book was already sold out when we finally decided to get a copy. Our luggage restrictions didn't allow for any toys, anyway, so we ended up not buying anything at the fair at all.

Instead, we used our time for chatting with some more people: Cate Stoker and Mr Allen, both of whom we had already met before at one of Haron's and Abel's parties, Richard Windsor whom we met in person for the first time, Leia-Ann Woods whom we met just briefly that evening but who had obviously done the same kinky sightseeing programme as we did (Alcatraz, more about that in another post), and the lovely Judy Verbena to whom we were introduced by Indy.

The Shadow Lane party doesn't offer too many events and structure, it rather provides a framework that allows kinksters to meet and have fun together. So, the vendor fair was the only official event on Friday, which served as a starting point for the suite parties and the private gatherings that took place later in the evening. We decided not to attend one of the big suite parties on our first day and instead met with Mija, Paul, Indy and Judy for some relaxed talk. It was a wonderful group of people and I felt comfortable immediately. I even started to crave some kinky play, even though there was “just” talk on that first night. Or maybe it was because we only talked? That way, I didn't feel the pressure to commit to any form of play, which allowed me to relax and to play with “What if...?” thoughts.

The next day, Ludwig and I explored our Las Vegas hotel, spent some time in the pool, had lunch at one of the restaurants and watched people gambling. Then we got ready for the second main event of the party – the dinner. This time, the attire was more elegant, women in gowns and men in suits. Mija even had a beautiful flower in her hair and I finally had a chance to wear my Chinese dress. Indy introduced us to her friend Lizzie who looked adorable in her short plaid skirt.

The food was nice but not too special. I think that this wasn't the main point, though. Again, the dinner served as an opportunity to meet people before everyone headed off to the room parties. This time, we decided to explore the famous suite parties as well. Suite parties are privately hosted parties that are open to everyone. The room numbers are announced during the dinner and people are invited to come, have a look, chat, watch, play and stay as long as they like before taking a glimpse into another party room.

We went to three different suite parties and the hosts were always very friendly and welcoming. One party even had a James Bond motto and the whole room had been decorated accordingly. Usually, the main room of the suite was primarily used for chatting and the two bedrooms were used for play. The play was mostly M/F, but we also came across some F/M play. F/F was something that we only saw at the vendor fair (and did in private, but that is stuff for the next post).

Much to my dismay, we didn't witness any M/M play at all. That didn't surprise me much, though, because while the Shadow Lane parties are theoretically open for any play constellations, their videos only feature M/F, F/M and F/F. So, I didn't really expect too many guys who are keen on M/M play to find their way to the party in Vegas.

In contrast to some of our friends, Ludwig and I only chatted at the suite parties and watched others play. Not because I would have felt uncomfortable playing at one of the parties, but simply because it didn't happen.

Instead, we had a little private gathering as well that night which involved rather a lot of play. This time the group featured Cate Stoker and Mr Allen, Judy and Indy. It was a very light-hearted (but much less light in terms of severity) play atmosphere and I enjoyed it a lot. But at the end of the day, not everything was settled. More precisely, I hadn't got my hands on Indy! Luckily, there was another day left...

Unfortunately, Ludwig and I already had to leave on Sunday in the early afternoon. But before that, we had a wonderful lunch with many of our old friends and the new ones we had made during the weekend, and there was much chat and laughter. At the end of the lunch, I suddenly started feeling very sad, though. I definitely didn't want to head off and leave all these lovely people behind!

Luckily, I managed to get myself under control again after a few moments, which was good because I had one last duty to fulfil. It didn't remain the only farewell spanking that happened in the last hour before our departure, though, which meant that I left with even more happy memories than expected. We had to leave as quickly as possible, though, partly because the play and chats had lasted a bit longer than planned and partly because I would have started crying otherwise.

So, how was the party? I have to say even better than I had expected. Not because of the “official” events, though, but because of the lovely people we hung out with. To my mind, Shadow Lane is a great place for meeting people one usually only has online contact with. It offers a wonderful framework for coming together with people one knows and for being introduced to new people (by those people one already knows). The party offers a possibility to play and, more importantly, to chat and have a good time.

I assume that it is more difficult if one doesn't know anyone beforehand, though. Maybe a spanking party that offers more structure and official events makes it easier to get started in that case. But of course, I am a rather introverted person and this is only my point of view. Others might have made very different experiences.

Have you ever been to one of the big public parties? Have you maybe even visited different parties and can you make comparisons? What are your experiences? Or are you still thinking about maybe visiting one of these parties one day? What are your hopes, fears and questions that you have in mind? I'm curious to know, so please feel free to write about your thoughts in the comment section!

Dreams of Spanking

Ludwig has dreams of spanking. Me too. And as you all know, our dreams of spanking here at the Rohrstock-Palast are very diverse.

Sometimes, they involve classical scenarios...

… at other times, we want something more unusual.

Our dream scenarios contain varying gender constellations and roles we play...

… as well as different levels of severity.

We are not the only ones who have dreams of spanking. Someone has stepped up to make some of these dreams come true, soon. We are looking forward to the day it all will start. To find out more, please click on one of the pictures!

Kaelah's Corner (Aug 2011): Dachshunds in Space

It's almost unbelievable but it's true – this is my second blogiversary! I would like to use this post to thank all of our dear readers who accompanied me on my journey. No matter whether you are a new reader of this blog, a long-time reader or someone who just comes over from time to time. Blogging without an audience is boring and it's good to have you here. A special thank you goes to all the diligent commenters and those who provide such a thoughtful input to the discussions in the comment section.

I'm not sure whether anyone still remembers my first blogiversary post, but a brief look back might bring up memories of a little let's-get-the-readers-involved operation that was started there. In short, the readers could vote for a special outfit and strokes with an implement of their choice for a small blogiversary clip.

As a result, I had to face the challenge to come up with a storyline for a clip that involved a spanking in a Star Trek outfit, consisting of two strokes with a paddle, three strokes with a flogger, nine strokes with a riding crop, eleven strokes with a switch and finally twenty-one strokes with a belt. So I did, and after quite a lot of preparation Ludwig and I filmed a little clip back in November 2010.

It took me some time to get all the post-production done (in several phases, amidst all my other work), but now I can finally proudly present to you the result of my first-ever film editing work! Of course, we didn't have any professional technical equipment and no professional set or any assistance when shooting the clip. But I think that, for a little private fun clip, the result is quite nice. And if you take a closer look, you might find out that a lot of love for detail went into it. The clip is completely in English this time, so no subtitles are necessary.

What is the storyline of the clip? Well, you'll find out when you watch it. It definitely has all the ingredients a good Star Trek fan fiction clip needs: A lot of heavy talk and a bit of action, some techno-babble (or rather, scribble), the aliens and planetary system of the week, a lot of rather stiff acting and a profound moral message.

And before anyone asks: Yes, Klingon and German accents sound quite similar! And Half-Klingon's also tend to look quite bored when they talk about their aggressive Klingon side. That doesn't mean that it isn't there, really. It's just underneath the surface, waiting to be let out... Joking aside, those of you who have read my Mind Going Blank post might recognize that there is indeed some real-life background to the premise which I have chosen.

So, I hope you'll enjoy the clip (and kindly overlook little weaknesses, especially my German accent which was quite strong on the day of the shoot). It's made for you and published for free!

WMV format, resolution 720 x 576, 238 MB:

Uploaded.net link

(Click on "Free Download", wait for the counter to count down, then solve the captcha and download the file.)

Again, thanks a lot for being here, and please enjoy! As those who have read Ludwig's Semi-Hiatus post already know, we're on a trip to Shadow Lane. That's means we won't find the time to promote this clip on forums and alike. So, if you like the clip, feel free to recommend it to your friends. And if you don't like it, simply recommend it to people you don't like, either! Anyway, it would definitely be great if you found the time to just say hi in the comment section. Constructive criticism is of course also welcome. So long, let's see what year number three will bring!