Sunday, May 31, 2020

Kaelah's Corner (Mai 2020):
Relaxation Spanking As A Bottom

When I wrote about the question of topping as a way to relax in my last Kaelah's Corner post, I mentioned that Ludwig and I are having lots of stress recently and that Ludwig therefore might want to try giving a spanking to reduce his own stress. But, as I continued: Unfortunately, I'm in stress, too, and in my case that means that I am not really in the mood for receiving a spanking. But we might give it a try, once my mood has changed.

That statement led to an interesting reply by Domhnall the Second, which made me think about how spanking works for me and what might be different from how it works for others. Domhnall the Second commented: I have always, and I do mean always, found that a spanking is extremely effective in relieving stress and brightening my mood. So I was puzzled by your statement that you were going to wait for your mood to change before you give spanking a try. I mean this most respectfully but I believe you have that reversed.

I think what Domhnall the Second describes is how spanking works for many bottoms. I've read many accounts of spanking play in which the spankees described how receiving a spanking relaxes and grounds them. I guess the endorphins play as much of a role here as the psychological effect of giving up control and letting go.

Now, as the long-time readers among you know, I never was into giving up control. I have always been topping from the bottom. Plus, I have never experienced that endorphin high many spankees describe after a particularly long or severe spanking. I often have felt content (and then in a way also calm) after a more severe scene, but that was because of my brave girl kink and as close to relaxation as I could get (in a meditative kind of way). I think that's best displayed in the Final Test video we've made with Dreams of Spanking.

In my opinion spanking has always worked for me in two or maybe three ways: When I am sexually aroused being spanked fits (or, maybe has fitted, more about that in another post) my sexual fantasies. So, spanking has often worked for me as part of a sexual experience. But I have to be aroused right from the beginning for the spanking to do its magic. Plus, there's my brave girl kink and my exhibitionistic streak that made me want to be praised by Ludwig and accepted in the spanking community for being able to take a rather severe spanking. In that case, enduring a spanking has made me proud and content. Since I don't have the feeling that I have to prove anything to anyone in that regard anymore, though, that motivation has ceased. What has remained is the joy of creating beautiful sexy pictures or videos, which could be seen as a part of my exhibitionism or as a third separate aspect.

I believe the motivations are quite similar for Ludwig when he switches. Fantasizing about switching can turn him on. The idea of giving something back, in return for watching severe spanking porn and being a top, by taking a severe spanking is also something that appeals to him. And he loves the idea of immortalising special scenes on video. But he doesn't get turned on by a spanking itself, and I don't think being spanked relaxes him, either.

For me, being spanked without being in the mood for pushing myself, creating art or being sexually aroused is just that – being spanked. It doesn't turn me on when I am not relaxed enough to be turned on easily, and it doesn't give me a feeling of relaxation. When I am stressed out, being tickled and stroked, maybe treated with some delicious food, taking a nice bubble bath or going for a walk is what I crave.

In that regard it seems that I am and always have been different from many spankees. Maybe it also shows that I am not a real bottom (anymore), but that's a story for another Kaelah's Corner post.


Domhnall the Second said...

Not for the first time I discover diversity of thought and that my understanding is too narrow. Thank you for the clarification, and the mention in your excellent blog. I’m honored.


I find that getting spanked does relax me. Not actually at the time but over the days and sometimes weeks afterwards. In the long term it helps me calm my thoughts and be better at evaluating the best decisions to make. As before, not on the day but in the time following.


Kaelah said...

@ Domhnall the Second:
I definitely don't consider you to be narrow-minded! Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and views – it helped me to better reflect my own kink and was the starting point for this post.

@ Spankedhortic:
It's very cool that spanking has this great long-time effect on you! :-)