As you might have realised from some of my recent posts, it seems that I have developed more of a toppy mindset than when I began to practise erotic spanking. Of course, not every bottom goes through this kind of change, as, for instance, Erica Scott has pointed out eloquently in several of her posts. But it doesn't seem an uncommon development. And I have wondered what drives this kind of change.
When I think back to my first kinky fantasies, I was usually only an observer. I think I identified more with the bottoms than with the tops in my fantasy scenarios, but I still imagined the scene from both points of view.
Later, when I started out trying spanking for real with Ludwig, it was clear to me that I would make my first experiments as a bottom. The idea of being spanked turned me on and I wanted to be guided through the experience. I always used to top a lot from the bottom, as is for instance obvious in our account of our very first scene together. But I also sought the experience of letting myself fall, and that is only possible as a bottom.
Part of my kink is about being accepted and admired for something I do, which is most probably the main reason why I live out my kink so publicly and write a blog. Doing certain scenes (for instance, the more severe ones), made me feel strong and granted me Ludwig's and the audience's admiration. Our first scene wasn't an initiation ritual for no reason, and I very much enjoyed the experience of collecting more and more experiences and becoming an active member of the online spanking community.
I think that having achieved a certain level of experience as a bottom was what finally made it possible for me to also try myself as a top. By then I felt comfortable enough to take over control, which proved to be something that gives me pleasure as well. I had done enough scenes as a bottom, some rather explicitly for Ludwig, thus I felt I could ask something from him in return.
Again, the idea of being trusted enough from someone to be accepted as a top and to be allowed to be in control was an idea that turned me on. That's why it was especially thrilling to have Ludwig switch for me, because he is mostly a top and only switches on rare occasions for people he deeply trusts. Therefore, topping also gave me a feeling of strength and was another role in which I could gain experience, acceptance and maybe even admiration.
Today, I see myself as a real switch. In my intimate sexual play, my fantasies are mostly bottom fantasies, which I think has to do with the fact that these fantasies allow me to be more passive, to let go and focus on my own pleasure. In my more formal fantasies and role-play scenes, I prefer the role of a top now. I like the feeling of power, of being in control and of others trusting me. Playing on both sides can make me feel strong and accepted, especially when it is in public or accounts, pictures or videos of it are posted on our blog.
So I think that the shift from bottom to top has something to do with experience and the feeling of having done enough things on the bottom side to become a trustworthy top who can lead others. In my kinky and my vanilla fantasies, the main characters also usually make that development from student to teacher, cadet to instructor or the like.
Maybe the shift also has to do with the fact that pain doesn't really turn me on anymore and that I therefore don't seek it out often in my kinky play nowadays. That's a topic I want to cover in a separate post, though. For today, I would love to hear your experiences with changing (or not changing) preferences and roles in your kinky play. For those who switched from the bottom role more into the top role: Do you have any explanation for that shift? I would love to hear about your thoughts in the comment section!
When I think back to my first kinky fantasies, I was usually only an observer. I think I identified more with the bottoms than with the tops in my fantasy scenarios, but I still imagined the scene from both points of view.
Later, when I started out trying spanking for real with Ludwig, it was clear to me that I would make my first experiments as a bottom. The idea of being spanked turned me on and I wanted to be guided through the experience. I always used to top a lot from the bottom, as is for instance obvious in our account of our very first scene together. But I also sought the experience of letting myself fall, and that is only possible as a bottom.
Part of my kink is about being accepted and admired for something I do, which is most probably the main reason why I live out my kink so publicly and write a blog. Doing certain scenes (for instance, the more severe ones), made me feel strong and granted me Ludwig's and the audience's admiration. Our first scene wasn't an initiation ritual for no reason, and I very much enjoyed the experience of collecting more and more experiences and becoming an active member of the online spanking community.
I think that having achieved a certain level of experience as a bottom was what finally made it possible for me to also try myself as a top. By then I felt comfortable enough to take over control, which proved to be something that gives me pleasure as well. I had done enough scenes as a bottom, some rather explicitly for Ludwig, thus I felt I could ask something from him in return.
Again, the idea of being trusted enough from someone to be accepted as a top and to be allowed to be in control was an idea that turned me on. That's why it was especially thrilling to have Ludwig switch for me, because he is mostly a top and only switches on rare occasions for people he deeply trusts. Therefore, topping also gave me a feeling of strength and was another role in which I could gain experience, acceptance and maybe even admiration.
Today, I see myself as a real switch. In my intimate sexual play, my fantasies are mostly bottom fantasies, which I think has to do with the fact that these fantasies allow me to be more passive, to let go and focus on my own pleasure. In my more formal fantasies and role-play scenes, I prefer the role of a top now. I like the feeling of power, of being in control and of others trusting me. Playing on both sides can make me feel strong and accepted, especially when it is in public or accounts, pictures or videos of it are posted on our blog.
So I think that the shift from bottom to top has something to do with experience and the feeling of having done enough things on the bottom side to become a trustworthy top who can lead others. In my kinky and my vanilla fantasies, the main characters also usually make that development from student to teacher, cadet to instructor or the like.
Maybe the shift also has to do with the fact that pain doesn't really turn me on anymore and that I therefore don't seek it out often in my kinky play nowadays. That's a topic I want to cover in a separate post, though. For today, I would love to hear your experiences with changing (or not changing) preferences and roles in your kinky play. For those who switched from the bottom role more into the top role: Do you have any explanation for that shift? I would love to hear about your thoughts in the comment section!
