Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2011): Morgen

Morgen, ja morgen,
fang i a neues Leben an.
Und wenn net morgen,
dann übermorgen,
oder zumindest irgendwann,
fang i wieder a neues Leben an.

Tomorrow, yes tomorrow,
I will start a new life.
If not tomorrow
then the day after tomorrow
or at least one day
I will start a new life again.

This is a snippet from a very touching song of the Austrian band EAV about an alcohol addict. Of course, he never starts this new life he dreams about. But I think the lyrics do not just apply to what many addicts do. In my opinion many people live, or more precisely, spend their lives like that.

Of course there are many reasons for delaying major changes. One reason that is often mentioned are the risks that go along with changing one's life. Life is full of risks. One can lose anything and anyone, any time. There are no guarantees.

Except for one, and that is the fact that we all have to die. Sooner or later. Sometimes sooner than we hope for. I don't believe in an afterlife, so for me the end of my life on Earth will be the end of my existence.

After my mum's early death, these are things I have become very aware of. They accompany me every day. The have taken away the naive trust that everything will always be okay in the end. But they have made me see my life and the risks that I take in a new light as well.

Quitting one's job to do something one really wants to do is risky. Taking a plane to see other parts of the world isn't 100 percent safe, either. Writing a comment on a kinky blog and coming out to the kinky community can cost quite an effort. Sharing one's spanking fantasies with someone whom one has met online can be risky as well. Trying out one's fantasies for real holds the risk of disappointment. Giving someone one's love and trust might end in betrayal. Building a love relationship is a tricky task. Posting about one's fantasies online and even showing one's face definitely involves a risk of being outed one day.

But how big are all these risks in the light of mortality? How much is lost by not living out one's dreams, and how rewarding can it be to give it a try?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those persons who only live in the here and now and don't give a damn about the future. I try to do my best to make sure that my future is as safe and well-planned as possible. But maybe the financial markets will crash completely in the next years and I will lose all my financial securities. Maybe there will be violent clashes. Maybe I will become ill. Then at least I want to have lived my life and my dreams as well as I could without having permanently worried about what the future might bring.

Again, I'm not one of those “You have to try out everything in your life at least once!” people. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked even one single cigarette. I have never taken any drugs. And I miss none of these experiences.

But I would miss the things which I have learned in my professional life. I would miss having seen a bit of this beautiful planet and having been to certain events like concerts of my favourite bands. I would miss this blog. I would miss my kinky life. I would miss the experience of suddenly feeling womanly and sexy. And above all I would miss Ludwig and the experience of our relationship and love.

I'm lucky in that I had a wonderful childhood. I'm lucky in that many of my choices as an adult turned out to be good. But even the ones that didn't work out as planned had at least some positive outcome, in one way or another.

I'm not a fan of blindly taking risks. But like someone told me recently: If you have trust, you can do almost anything that is important to you and it will work out. I might not have that naive trust any more, but I have learned to trust in myself and in the fact that if one way proves to be a dead end, there is usually another path that makes it possible to go on.

I'm glad that my gut feeling told me to take a few risks. I can't say that I would be able to die happily now, without the feeling of having missed out on some important things. For example, I haven't had the chance to raise a family, yet. But I will, if I am lucky enough to have some more time. For now, I'm very happy that I've already done a lot things which were important to me.

I'm also very glad about the friends I have, kinky and vanilla. Friends who like me the way I am. Friends who invite me to share time with them. Friends who organize Halloween Parties and find it cool when I turn up in fetish outfits (photos to come soon). Sharing time with beloved people is a great way to spend one's precious time! (Whereas spending time with people one doesn't like is a great way of wasting it.)

I hope you all have some wonderful friends to share Halloween (or Reformation Day, in case you are celebrating that) with. And I hope you have taken at least a few risks in your life that proved to be worth it. If not, today is your chance! Remember, tomorrow might be too late. Happy Halloween, everyone!

Made To Be Submissive

“Don't fall asleep, you've still got some work to do this evening.”, Ludwig announced as we were heading home after a long day in the city. I had just admitted my tiredness by yawning heartily. My mind immediately formed a mental picture of the kind of work Ludwig meant. But like the days before I was rather in the mood for cuddling. And so I decided not to give any answer and to wait and see what was going to happen instead. Maybe Ludwig would become tired as well at the sight of a warm, cosy bed...

Of course he didn't. Sitting on the bed, Ludwig looked at me and asked: “Do you have anything that could be used as a blindfold?” I thought about his question for a moment, finally answered yes and  brought him a suitable item. “But I need to go to the bathroom first.” And so I went off.

Inside the bathroom, the different voices in my head were having a vivid discussion. “I'm not in the right mood for sex, and especially not for any more edgy games.” - “But you have been in a cuddling-only mood for a while now, just give it a try!” - “What if I don't manage to get into the right mood and have to stop the scene? Wouldn't it be fair to tell Ludwig in advance that I'm not in the right mindset?” - “And destroy everything in advance without having tried? After all, Ludwig thought about the blindfold because it caters to YOUR fantasies. Do you really think he will be less disappointed if you say no right from the beginning?”

The last voice won. As the more regular readers of this blog already know I am what Bogey so aptly calls a “bedroom submissive”. Which means that during rather sexual scenes between Ludwig and me, I like to give up control and relax. That's why I love being tied up and blindfolded. But I'm not really submissive in the sense that I only want to please my partner. I rather like scenes in which Ludwig actually does things to me which I enjoy as well, even if the scenario implies that he does things which please only him. Still, I have to be in a certain mindset for that and I wasn't sure whether I would manage to get there that evening. But I was determined to give it a try.

So, I went back to the bedroom again and waited for Ludwig's next announcement. “Do you have a hair tie? Go and fetch it.” I did as I was told and started to tie my hair back when I returned to the bed. “No!” Ludwig bent me forward and gave me a few slaps. “I said: Fetch it! And not: Tie your hair back. I want you to strip first. Fold your clothes neatly together and put them aside.”

As most of you know, I love rituals. And I had told Ludwig that I liked the thought of someone neatly folding their clothes before a spanking. Despite of the voices that were still in my head, I followed Ludwig's order and tried to focus on the soothing effect of the ritual and the orderliness which went along with it.

“Now you can tie back your hair and put on the blindfold as well.” I was kneeling on the bed before Ludwig and did as I was told. After having put the blindfold on, different emotions went through my mind. A certain tense, resistance, the urge to cry and an idea of surrender. But I didn't have much time to ponder these feelings because Ludwig spoke up again: “Stretch out your right hand.” A hand spanking? That was not what I had expected. I felt reluctant because I realised that I wasn't in the mood for pain, either. But my brain told my body to obey.

Instead of a smack I felt Ludwig's hand taking mine and carefully guiding me over the bed. “Now lie down on your stomach, hands above your head.” Again I did as I was told. I heard Ludwig unbuckle his belt and a few seconds later he gently touched my body with it, the belt wandering up and down. So it would be a belting. I tried to prepare myself for Ludwig's heavy belt, hoping that the strokes wouldn't be too unbearable.

But then the belt was gone. Ludwig had put it aside. He sat down on the bed and started to caress and tickle me. I was baffled. That was not what I had expected. I love tickling! On our first play weekend I already showed Ludwig how much I enjoy my arms being tickled. I already loved that as a child when cuddling with my parents. Tickling has an instantly soothing effect on me.

“But don't fall asleep!”, Ludwig reminded me, “Focus on my touch.” I did. Bit by bit my body relaxed and so did my mind. The voices fell silent, except for the one that uttered amazement about how well my partner knew me and how much he cared about me. Soon I was in a completely submissive mindset, willing to be dominated and in the mood for making love.

I wasn't even sure whether there was a hand-spanking after the tickling when I wrote this post or whether I was mixing up two different scenes. I was so much into Ludwig's hands at the time that it is all a bit of a blur. But Ludwig confirmed to me afterwards that there was a hand-spanking, and so now I'm sure that it was the one which I had in mind and which I really enjoyed. And while Ludwig lived out his dominant fantasies with me later on, he made sure that I got my share of joy as well.

Some bottoms like to be forced or spanked into submission. This will hardly ever work for me. Being tickled and caressed into submission on the other hand definitely does!

Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!

Today was the final day of the Rugby World Cup 2011 in New Zealand. The last game ended just a few minutes ago. For those of you who are as unfamiliar with that sports as I was before it raised my interest a while ago, just a short explanation. It is a bit like American Football (which originates from rugby), just for real men. Means, no protection gear and stuff like that. Hey, what would spanking be if we decided to wear protection gear???

My congratulations go the All Blacks, the members of New Zealand's national rugby team, who have just had the French team for breakfast! Okay, to be fair, the French proved to be absolutely worthy opponents who gave the All Blacks a really hard time. The match could also have ended in their favour. But the final score was 8:7 against them.

I don't only like the All Blacks because they are damn good, but also because they perform the Maori haka Ka Mate. You can see it in the picture above. Hakas are traditional war dances. The first lines of the Ka Mate haka are “Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!” which can be translated as “It is death! It is death! It is life! It is life!” or “I may die! I may die! I may live! I may live!”.

You are still asking yourself why I like rugby and why I write about it here? I give you some hints: Thirty muscular men fighting for victory and honour in a game that involves speed, tactics and finesse, but also pure power and the will to beat your opponent's ass. Guys who see themselves as warriors. Lots of ritual and even a warrior dance. Really, how could I find that NOT exciting? It caters to my kinky M/M preference as well as my warrior fantasies. Just like Pro Wrestling and Sumo in their own ways, but that is stuff for different posts.

I'm not sure whether I would be more interested in watching the celebration of the All Blacks, though, or in sneaking into the locker room of the French team to see what is going on there. You see, as rugby is a sport for real men, I assume that the training methods aren't soft, either. And since the French have dropped the ball right before the finish line, so to speak, I guess some proper motivation for the next World Cup is needed. I'm sure that their coach won't let them get away with some mere love taps. I can already hear the swishing sound of the cane, followed by nothing else than heavy breathing and some suppressed gasps. Rugby players are tough guys after all...

Kinky Hotel: The Swimming Pool

During our trip to the US and to Shadow Lane, Ludwig and I found some sweet spots in our hotels that invited us to take some sexy / kinky pictures. I'm going to show you the first set of them today. Of course, having an outdoor pool in the sun is always great. Especially if it isn't overcrowded!

For me, swimming is a wonderful exercise. It makes me feel refreshed and it is a good workout at the same time. But of course, one can also have a lot of fun fooling around in a pool. Ludwig and I did both, swimming lanes and making fun.

One activity to irritate your swimming partner which I can highly recommend is forming a triangle with your hands and starting to hum the musical theme of Jaws while chasing the other person, pretending to be a shark. The only risk: I nearly drowned because I laughed so hard when I chased Ludwig and the same thing happened to me when he turned the tables and started hunting me...

Swimming pools are of course also nice places for kinky play and common settings for spanking clips. Girls and boys in swimming suits are always a favourite. Unfortunately, real action was out of question in our hotel pool since there were too many people around. But at least we managed to take a few quick snapshots when we were alone for a short while.

A spanking under water might have gone unnoticed, but, well, due to the water resistance it doesn't really work. That's why spanking storylines involving a swimming pool usually only start there while the spankings take place on the edge or somewhere outside of the pool. Underwater spanking could provide a good workout for the spanker, though. Maybe it's an idea for a new sports trend?

Have you made any experiences with pool spankings in private play? In a private or even in a public pool? And has anyone of you managed to spank someone in the pool itself (with or without any tools)?

Being and Seeing

One little item at the Shadow Lane party gave me a lot to think about. It's the name cards everyone wore in order to make conversation easier. The little tags not only showed the name, they also gave information on the spanking preferences of their carrier. There were four options one could choose: “dom”, “sub”, “switch” or “other”.

Of course one might already debate the choice of the words“dom” and “sub” instead of, for example, “top” and “bottom”. I've been told that Eve, our Shadow Lane host, is of the opinion that “top” and “bottom” might imply a hierarchy and an according difference in value, which is why she uses “dom” and “sub”. Others like me simply interpret “top” and “bottom” as descriptive terms that  express on which side someone prefers to play, while “dom” and “sub” say something about the intention and attitude someone has during a scene. I've already written about my understanding of these different labels here, though, and that is not the point I would to discuss today.

What I found highly interesting, however, was how much the choice of one's label says about how people see themselves. Most of the people I know consider themselves either predominantly a top or predominantly a bottom. But most of them also switch, at least from time to time. Interestingly, these people made very different choices when it came to ticking one of the label boxes and that's what aroused my curiosity.

As you can see in the picture above, Ludwig introduced himself at the party as a “dom” (although he too prefers “top”), while I chose the “switch” option. I guess that there are several reasons why Ludwig didn't choose the “switch” label as well. First of all, Ludwig is of course predominantly a top. He does switch, but only on very rare occasions, and he is very picky about the people who get to top him. Without exception, it is either for video clips or for me in private. So, chances for him to bottom on any occasion during the party were virtually zero. Why use a “switch” label then? And last but not least, even when Ludwig switches, he does it with an attitude which he calls auto-aggressive sadism or self-sadism. That means he doesn't really explore the scene in a bottom mindset. Instead, he appreciates the resulting reactions and marks on a video clip from a top perspective. Another reason for him not to choose “switch” as a label.

I, on the other hand, am predominantly a bottom. But, playing on the top side from time to time as well is very important for me. The fact that I switch in my relationship with Ludwig means a lot to me because it shows me that Ludwig trusts me enough to give himself into my hands and that there is no one-sided power dynamics between the two of us, not even in our kinky play. In many of my fantasies, especially the M/M ones, I also switch between the mindsets of the top and the bottom characters, even though the bottom perspective might be slightly more important for me most of the time. And third, when it comes to kinky play at parties and with others than Ludwig, I have more fantasies about and feel a bit more comfortable with playing as a top than as a bottom. In conclusion, switching is very important for my self-image as well as for my public persona, and I feel much more comfortable with the label “switch” than with the label “bottom” (or worse, “sub”).

A lot of different choices could be seen among our friends, though. Paul for example, despite of switching about as rarely as Ludwig does, and I think also almost exclusively with Mija, chose the “switch” label. When Mija brought up the topic, he explained that it didn't matter how often he switched, the only thing that mattered to him when he chose the label was that he switched at all.

Indy and Mija both introduced themselves as bottoms. Indy with the additional hand-written comment “kind of”, though, which I think says everything about this woman and her special attitudes. The label “bottom” of course didn't keep Mija from topping Indy at the party – and Indy's account of the scene clearly shows that Mija definitely has a toppy side as well!

I was especially curious to see which label Leia-Ann Woods had chosen. After all, she plays a lot on both sides and tops very often nowadays. To my surprise, her name tag said “bottom”, though. So, this is either how Leia-Ann sees herself (predominantly) or how she wanted to be seen at the party.

Looking at these different examples, I think that there are several aspects that determine how we present ourselves at a public event like a party and which labels we chose. First of all and I guess most importantly, there are our own fantasies and general play preferences. Secondly the choice can of course also reflect a person's momentary mood and which kind of play someone is looking for right at the time.

But I think there is more to it than that. In my opinion, it is also about how we want to be seen in public, by the people we know and especially by those whom we meet for the first time. For example, I've heard that there are often more male bottoms at spanking parties than female tops and that the females who are willing to top are in great demand. This might keep some women from ticking the “switch” box if they don't want to be constantly asked to top others. My own choice was determined by similar motives. One of the reasons why I didn't introduce myself as a bottom was that I wanted to keep away any men who belonged to the “spanking is naturally always M/F” and the “I want a woman who finds satisfaction in submitting or being made to submit to a man” faction because this is an attitude I don't feel comfortable with.

Maybe there are even more variables that influence one's choice for a certain label at a public event? So, I would like to ask our dear readers about your thoughts on labels at spanking parties: How would you introduce yourself and why?  Anyone who would choose the “other” option? Would you add any handwritten comment on your name tag? Has anyone made special experiences with the different labels at parties? And, last but not least, which value and how much influence do the labels on the name cards have at all for you at spanking parties? You are all very welcome to share your thoughts, ideas and experiences in the comment section!