Kaelah's Corner (Nov 2009): Open Your Mind

Everything has got it's time in life -
use that time wisely
and never forget
that the definition of our lives
is our mortality;
and nothing lasts forever.

This post is about Ludwig's and my relationship – how it began, how I became his mate and what having a partner means to me today. I'm going to split the post into two parts again. Today's post describes the development of our relationship from my perspective. Part two is going to be about what being mates means to me in general and how the two of us are living that concept today.

I met Ludwig at a point in my life when I had already gotten used to the thought of not finding a man to share my life with. I had been single for many years and there didn't seem to be a high possibility for a change any time soon. So, I had made plans for a family life without a partner and felt quite happy with the ideas I had for my future. Although I never denied the fact that having the "full package" would be the ultimate best way of living – at least from my point of view. But being single to my mind was still preferable over living together with someone who didn't really fit and whom I wasn't truly in love with.

There were a lot of necessary and sufficient conditions at the back of my mind which had to be fulfilled by a possible candidate. Being an INTJ, I simply didn't fall in love with someone who didn't match my requirements. "You'll never find a partner unless you scale down your expectations", that's a sentence I've heard more than once in my life. But that was something I couldn't really control. Hey, it's not like I made an explicit benefit analysis every time I met a new guy and decided not to fall in love with him in case the final score was below my expectations. But something like that happened implicitly and I simply didn't develop any stronger feelings for most of the men I met – with very few exceptions from that rule. I had learned to trust my intuition and somehow knew that my feelings would tell me if I came across the one I was looking for. And they did!

By the time I had developed a plan for my future I felt comfortable and happy with, I started exploring the internet on the topic of spanking. In addition to the personal development I had made at that time, the fact that I had stopped taking the anti-baby-pill which I had taken for many years (for medical reasons, not for contraception, obviously) might be one of the reasons why I started my exploration right at that time. Actually, with hindsight, I was quite shocked about how much the pill can sometimes suppress natural female desires...

So I made the decision to take some time to explore that part of me before I would go on with the other things I had planned to do. At first I read a lot of spanking stories. A little bit later I found the spanking clips on Spanking Tube. It was a fascinating new world for me and I spent quite a lot of time in front of my computer for several weeks. One day I stumbled across one of Ludwig's clips on Spanking Tube and followed the link to his blog. I started reading the blog regularly, being fascinated especially by the philosophical ramblings and the accounts of Ludwig's personal kink-related activities.

During the following weeks there was a growing impulse inside me to write a comment and to get into contact with Ludwig. However, since I didn't have any practical spanking experience and didn't know any other spankos personally, I didn't feel qualified for commenting on that topic. In addition, I didn't feel comfortable writing in English. So I fought an inner fight – until the Day of Delurk. When I read Ludwig's Day of Delurk-post I knew that this was what I had been waiting for. I wrote my little delurk post, crosschecked the grammar and vocabulary about ten times and finally hit the "Publish your comment"-button. Some days earlier I had already decided on the nickname I wanted to use – should I ever write a comment or become a member of one of the spanking forums. So at least that question had already been resolved beforehand.

In his next post, Ludwig wrote how happy he was about all the comments he got on the Global Day of Delurk. He especially mentioned the two „real“ delurkers who hadn't posted a comment on a spanking blog ever before – Rachel and me. This encouraged me to take the next step and write him a personal mail. Again, something I had never done before (not writing mails generally, but writing a personal mail to a stranger). At that time I already had a very strong feeling that Ludwig might be my key to the world of spanking. And there was another vague gut feel which told me that maybe, just maybe, he could even be more than that. Considering how I am wired this was absolutely strange. But the intuition was so strong that I just followed it.

And then – nothing happened. I checked my mails regularly, hoping for an answer. At that time, I didn't know how busy Ludwig usually is and I started getting disappointed. However, an inner voice still told me that Ludwig wasn't someone who didn't answer his mails, especially when they contained a personal introduction and the request for advice. The voice was right, ten days later I received an answer. I read Ludwig's mail and was stunned – all the questions he asked me about my kink and possible ways to explore it hit the mark and dominated my thoughts for the next days.

So our mail correspondence continued and the more I learned about Ludwig (and the guy behind the pseudonym, who is the one I have always really been interested in), the more it became obvious how much we had in common. In my second mail I told him about the picture of the Klingon mates that I had in my mind as an ideal conception for a partnership. Of course I wasn't talking about the two of us at that point. When I'm talking about looking for a mate, I have a picture of two strong animals in my mind – for example wolves or lions. They don't need a partner to survive, they are very well capable of taking care of themselves. But when they find their counterpart they can make the decision to continue their journey walking side by side. Not because they depend on each other, just because they realise that life is even better together. Of course I know that wolves and lions aren't really ticking like that. But this is the romantic picture I have for a perfect relationship. The German word "Gefährte" expresses that even better; it doesn't only mean mate, it can also be translated as companion, comrade, fellow and partner. It turned out that Ludwig liked the „Gefährten“-picture very much and that it fit his vision of a perfect intimate relationship very well.

The more I learned about Ludwig, the more it became obvious that he met all the expectations I had for a perfect mate. From reading his blog I already knew that he was well-educated, intelligent and an excellent writer. The video clips had shown me that he was also very handsome. Our mail conversation revealed that we shared the same kind of humour and liked similar styles of music. It also became clear that we had similar ideas about what constitutes a good relationship: Being honest with each other, talking openly about EVERYTHING, caring for one another but remaining self-dependent and meeting at eye level. Above that Ludwig fulfilled the last two necessary requirements I had – he didn't smoke and he didn't drink much alcohol.

There was just one big difference which could have been critical – Ludwig is an agnostic and I am a practising Christian. But it turned out that, first of all, our points of view concerning belief weren't really that different. And secondly, we could easily respect each other's position on that topic. And all the other different interests Ludwig had just made him more interesting for me. Still, finding a partner wasn't my top priority, exploring my kink with the help of someone more experienced was my main concern. But in the back of my head the little "potential partner benefit analysis calculator" added more and more to the score...

When we finally met it showed that the personal chemistry was also right. I felt very good, safe and comfortable at Ludwig's side. The rest of the story has already been written by him. To say it in my words – it turned out that Ludwig wasn't only my key to the world of spanking, I have finally found the mate I was always looking for!

Looking back, I'm quite sure that the fact that I had already given up the thought of finding a partner any time soon and had found an alternate plan for my future life was an important precondition for the relationship Ludwig and I are having now. While I always had that feeling that Ludwig might become a very special person for me, I didn't feel under pressure. I was happy about every new step we were taking, but there wasn't any necessity to reach a certain level (like having to find the partner for the rest of my life) or to hurry things. I could simply take the time to see what happened and how new developments made me feel; and when I found out that I was feeling comfortable I could take it one step further.

Interestingly, when I'm not being set under pressure things usually go very fast, and the same thing happened with our relationship. Ludwig once remarked that I made the same experiences which took him several years of time (exploring the internet about spanking, first contact with other spankos, first spanking, first relationship, first vanilla sex and so on) in less than one year. Honestly, after not having had a boyfriend for so many years and sometimes of course having asked myself whether there was something wrong with me, with Ludwig it all came quite naturally and without much thinking. There are some points where I'm setting myself under pressure, though. But that will be the topic of another post. I'm trying to become more relaxed concerning these things, to measure the pros and cons of different ways of dealing with them and to see where time takes us.

How about you? Have you ever made the experience that being happy with one’s vanilla life in combination with being open and living out one’s kink can lead to unexpected beautiful moments, good friendships or even love relationships? Please feel free to share your stories in the comment section!

Movie Review: The Thieves

Producer:

Pain4Fem (released in 2004)

Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:
Angry farmer spanks two juvenile delinquents

Victim Appeal:
This early release from Pain4Fem features Nicol, who had also been in their very first movie Illegal Download, and Valerie, a newcomer at the time who would go on to star in a few more videos. Nicol is blond, blue-eyed and fairly sexy. Valerie has pitch black hair, green eyes and is very sexy indeed. I became quite a fan through this movie and the others she has done. She has a great-looking face and body, and takes an impressive beating considering that it is her debut.

(Both girls also appear on Spanking Server, as do most models who have done a Pain4Fem feature film.)

Gratuitous Sadism:
Valerie and Nicol break into a farm, looking for food to steal. They wear nice white dresses and don't exactly look starving to me, so I guess they deserve everything that is about to happen to them. Predictably, the would-be-thieves get caught by the farmer (Peter Schober) and his wife (Helen). They are dragged into the stable where the farmer proceeds to tie them up and whip them.

Nicol is the first to get it, hands above her head, her shirt removed, lash after lash of the single tail landing on her bare back (she keeps her skirt on, no full nudity just yet). I counted 56 strokes. Valerie is next, same position, same state of undress. She gets 74 strokes. There are some that are repeated from different camera angles, as is Pain4Fem's custom. I didn't bother to re-watch the scenes over and over to pinpoint which strokes were repeatedly shown and which ones weren't, but I'd say that you can subtract about a dozen or two from the numbers given above to get close to the real ones. In any case, these are long whippings, and pretty hard, too.

At this point, the farmer is willing to let the girls go free. They are so infuriated, however, that they pick up some stones on their way out and start bombarding the farmer and his wife with them. He gets hit on the head by one (some fake blood on Peter Schober). It's a hilarious scene in its way: the farmer couple stands in an open gate while the stones fly at them, but instead of running back into the courtyard and taking cover behind the wall, they just keep standing there until he gets hit! Epic fail, dude. Anyway, the farmers give chase, catch the girls again, and another round of corporal punishment begins.

Nicol, first once more, has her clothes forcibly stripped off until she is naked except for her socks. She then receives a quick hand spanking from the farmer. The girl is lying in the grass and he is lying on top of her, a somewhat unorthodox arrangement. Next, they tie her to a wooden bench, flat on her belly, to thrash her bottom. The farmer gives Nicol 30 strokes with his belt, hands the belt to his wife who administers 7 more strokes, and then it's back to the farmer for 48 strokes with the cane. Switch to Valerie, who has her skirt removed and is bent over a table in the courtyard for half a minute of hand spanking. Then, she gets tied to the table and the farmer canes her, 53 strokes. A few repetitions again, so the canings are probably in the 30 to 40 stroke zone, really. When it is all over, the farmer leads the two chastised girls through the gate and throws them out. The thrashings are among the harder ones Pain4Fem have done and leave dark, vivid welts.

Best Reactions:
Valerie all the way. And even though I am an avowed fan of caning scenes (it is, and will probably forever remain, my favourite implement), I like her reactions during the back whipping best of all. She is moaning, yelping and writhing wonderfully - movement can be just as sexy as the vocalisation, and Valerie is quite adept at it. I'm fairly sure that there is some conscious acting involved, but it is a serious whipping and there certainly is enough real pain as well, so that's okay.

Best Line:
Halfway through her back whipping, the farmer asks Valerie if she learned anything yet. She spits in his face. He hollers: "Are you mad? Who's holding the whip? You stupid girl!" And continues to beat her. It sounds quite amusing with Peter Schober's Austrian hillbilly dialect, but you have to be a native German speaker to appreciate that fully.

Nice Psychological Touch:
Not nice, perhaps, but interesting. The synopsis on Pain4Fem's website points out that the thieves are "young foreign girls", and in the video itself, there is a line about "bloody foreigners" who "come over the border to rob us". Peter Schober has a habit of sneaking in some law-and-order noise with the spanking porn, and it was already apparent in the early days of 2004.

I'm usually very good at telling satire from the real thing, but honestly, I am never quite sure how serious the guy is. Is he a right winger? Is he parodying a right winger? Pain4Fem work with Czech models all the time, so they obviously can't be all that xenophobic. Then again, maybe Schober is for real and believes that by hiring these girls, he is saving them from slipping into a life of crime? I don't frigging know. He's probably just kidding around and laughing his arse off at me wondering about it.

How Good Is It Really?
The fourth film by Pain4Fem, The Thieves was a step forward in terms of setting and action. It was the first time they filmed extensive outdoor scenes and the thrashings were quite a bit more severe than what they had done before. To this day, the cane welts on Valerie's bottom remain one of the finest sets of stripes that I have seen from this producer. She is a gorgeous girl and makes a memorable debut here. Nicol's scenes are okay as well. The technical craftsmanship is decent, with some good perspectives and closeups during the CP. The story itself is unremarkable, - on the plus side, it wasn't yet another schoolgirl or prison scenario, but it wasn't too creative, either.

In summary, an above average movie due to its action scenes, Valerie's nice caning in particular.

What You Learned:
In Illegal Download, Pain4Fem were ripping off the famous caning bench by RGE / Lupus. Here, Nicol's thrashing with the belt and cane looks just like the type of scene that Russian Slaves have done over and over again. Granted, spanking film producers don't have a trademark on the furtniture and positions they use, but this is getting suspicious! Even so, well done for Schober: he may not be the most original producer out there, but he has the right influences.

Return of the King

Right, I'm finally back from being missing in action. Or non-action, I should say, because spanking and kink have been pretty low on my radar these last four weeks. There is no need to worry, though (thanks, Arjuna): I'm not suffering from autumn depression, and neither is Kaelah. Actually, autumn is probably my favourite season of the year, because it is so well-suited to a nerdy indoor lifestyle like mine. You just sit around reading books while the leaves are dancing in the cold breeze outside, and no one is bothering you about skiing trips yet...

No, I simply needed a break from blogging, that's all. I didn't plan for it (otherwise, I would have let you know about it in advance), it just turned out that way. There was work to be done, and I also had a slight cold that kept me down for a few days. Most of all, however, I was simply lacking the proper inspiration to write anything. It's interesting - I've had phases before when I was busy and / or ill, but I still managed to keep the blog going at full speed. This time, I didn't. I believe that, when these lapses happen, it's a question of inspiration more than anything else.

My least productive month so far was May 2009, when I only made three posts. I had a tough workload, computer problems, a case of food poisoning... But again, I think there was more to it than that. With hindsight, I now notice that it came fairly close after I finished my massive behind-the-scenes report about my first spanking movie shoot. That report took a lot out of me, more than I realised at the time. Fast forward to the recent past: in September, I do the behind-the-scenes report about my second movie shoot, another epic in four parts. And again, after a month's delay, perhaps a little over a month, I run out of steam for the time being and I need an extended break. I'd say there is a pattern here, wouldn't you?

It certainly isn't too far-fetched. Not only do these extended pieces burn up a lot of "creative energy", after which one's batteries need recharging. They also set a pretty high benchmark in terms of quality, and for a while, it can be daunting to sit down and blog again. You wonder, what am I going to do now? How will it compare? That's the downside of having produced something you are truly, unreservedly happy with. Fortunately, it doesn't happen to me very often!

Anyway, I do feel recharged now, so without further ado... One by one, I'm going to answer your emails that have been piling up in my inbox for the past few weeks. I pride myself on the fact that I answer every single mail (except for spam, obviously), so you always get a reply, even though it may take a while. I'll also look at the comments to my posts, so if you left one recently, you might get a belated reply to that, too. And in December, it will be back to a normal posting schedule.

Lastly, here is something where I can use your input: over the winter, I plan to overhaul some of the features of the blog. For instance, instead of the little "About Me" paragraph you can see on the right, I'll create an "About Us" section on a separate page, with mini-biographies that introduce both Kaelah and me to new readers. In another step, I'll revamp and update my link list. I might make some changes to the categories / post tags. And so forth.

So, if you have any suggestions for the blog, now is a good time to speak up. Maybe there is a feature you would like to see, or a link to some interesting new spanking website that you'd like me to add (I can't possibly keep track of everything out there myself, so links are something you can always help with). Whatever it is, just leave a comment or send me an email, and I will consider it. If I like an idea, and if it is doable, I'll include it in my winter overhaul for Rohrstock-Palast Mark 2. Out with the old, in with the new!