Monday, April 4, 2011

An E-Card For My Mate

The last days have been an emotional roller coaster for me, because the discussion about ethics and porn as well as the realization how little most of the things that I find over and over in the online spanking community appeal to me affected my health much more than it should have. I haven't written much about my feelings so far because I didn't want them to interfere with the moral discussion. Luckily, I'm already a bit better now and I've also gained more weight again (three days ago my scale showed an all-time low, at least since I became an adult).

Ludwig was incredibly supportive during the last days. Because he talked to me on the phone for hours, but he didn't tell me how to feel or what to do. Instead, he took me seriously, despite of my emotional state, he discussed his point of view with me and he was at my side in the online discussion. I'm very glad to have him as my mate! I know that many people tend to offer solutions when they talk to someone who is in a state of insecurity, and are upset if their advice isn't followed. And that doesn't work for me. Of course Ludwig also came up with ideas, but he left the decision-making to me.

On Saturday I went to my local sex shop to look for hand- and legcuffs which I knew they had on sale. I took a box from the shelf, went to the pay desk and handed it over to the sales assistant. “Could we open the package so that I can try them on, please?” - “Yes, of course, I would have opened it anyway.” She unpacked the cuffs and helped me to try the handcuffs on. They were incredibly soft and small enough to fit my wrists. I decided to buy them and also handed her a gift coupon for fruit gums. “Do you want boobs or willies?” she asked. “Hmm, if I want to share them with my boyfriend, it might be better to choose boobs?” I mused. But then I decided that I was in the mood for willies. “Right decision”, the shop assistant exclaimed, “these are your fruit gums then.” I smiled: “Luckily, my boyfriend isn't one of those guys who would be scared by fruit gum willies”. Yes, I'm really a lucky woman!

My little shopping tour had made me feel stronger and sexier again, so I decided to shoot some pics with my new toys. I fetched the camera and tripod, searched for a good place, activated the automatic release function and started to try different poses. I didn't use any artificial light, only the sunlight. I shifted back and forth between activating the camera, going into position, checking the result (pose, light, angle), adjusting the camera position if necessary and trying again. And all that with the hand- and legcuffs! Had anyone seen me, it would surely have been a funny sight... But finally I nailed it. Amelia-Jane Rutherford wrote a wonderful post about the beauty of subtlety and that's exactly how I wanted the photo to be. I loaded the pictures onto my PC and edited the photo I liked best, until I had the result which you can see above. Actually, I didn't have to do a lot of editing. I just cut out the relevant detail perspective and retouched a bag that had unfortunately partially been in the picture. The light and everything else was fine with me as it was.

I sent Ludwig the picture and I was so happy with it that I started thinking about posting it here. Now, this part of Ludwig's and my play is something about which I usually don't write much here on the blog. Why? First of all, because it is the most sexual form of play we have. The master – slave scenario that we have created is purely about sex. And, since I'm monogamous, this is something which I usually only share with my mate. And secondly, because I'm always afraid that people might get pictures like this one wrong and mistake me for someone who I am not and my kink for something which has no appeal for me.

When I am in the role of the sex slave, it doesn't make me feel small, it makes me feel womanly and  desirable. When Ludwig ties me up and blindfolds me, it's not the feeling of being helpless that I enjoy. Instead being tied up and blindfolded makes me feel free, it gives me the freedom to concentrate on Ludwig's touch and on my fantasies. Pandora wrote a wonderful piece called Communicating by touch which is about the effects of sensory deprivation and resonates very much with my thoughts, although I'm not ready for trying ear plugs as well... However, I am indeed submissive in that kind of role play and enjoy being dominated by Ludwig, because what he does to me brings me a lot of pleasure! But I am only what Bogey aptly called a bedroom submissive, going back into alpha mode as soon as the scene is over. And I can only enjoy it because I know that this is only a fantasy universe and my real partnership with Ludwig is an equal one.

Interestingly the same is true for Ludwig. He always said that he enjoys the sadistic side of topping but isn't much into control and power play. It was only when I came up with the idea for a master – slave scenario that he developed very strong dominant fantasies as well. But he can only enjoy and explore them when I'm in a strong mood. Because to him these fantasies only have an appeal with a strong partner who isn't dependent in real life.

So, I finally decided to create an e-card for Ludwig out of the picture - and to share it with you. The ones who get it wrong won't take the time to look up my name, anyway. And the rest is going to understand that this is a gift for a wonderful mate. It also is for all those who are still looking for the one to share their fantasies and pleasures with and for those who have already found that special someone! Hope you like it. One final remark: The marks on my bottom are the last remainders of my severe scene at the video shoot with Pandora. They look much more like cane stripes now than they did on the day after the scene, right? 

By the way, today I received another item for our kinky play. It's the “counterpart” of the cuffs, so to speak: a toppy dress which I purchased some weeks ago. I've created an e-card picture with me wearing that dress as well. Anyone interested in me posting it?


Ludwig said...

Thank you for that lovely E-Card. I like the picture very much. I am looking forward to trying out the new cuffs on you.

(I am also looking forward to eating the fruit gum willies. But I'm not gay, goddammit!)

Anonymous said...

Your efforts produced a spectacularly lovely image. I am happy to hear that you are feeling better. Take good care of yourself.

Ursus Lewis said...

Anyone interested in me posting it? Do you really ask this? Of course!

Our Bottoms Burn said...

I see nothing objectional at all in the picture. But, there is always someone....

We are always ready to see whatever you care to share.

ronnie said...

It's a stunning beautiful picture.


Indy said...

OK, others have already commented on what a lovely photo that is, so I'll get right to one of my favorite sports: teasing Ludwig. “Luckily, my boyfriend isn't one of those guys who would be scared by fruit gum willies” has got to be the best concise description I've ever heard of the man!

I hoe you're feeling a bit better after the emotional turmoil of your last post and the ensuing discussion. I think it's very brave of you to try to take on such an emotional topic rationally. Which, of course, as an INTJ, you do very well. ;)

Underling said...

Kaelah, that's a lovely picture and I'm sure it'll have Ludwig hurrying home. I also find myself posing in front of self-timed cameras to get reference photos for my drawings, so I know how awkward it is (and how silly it can feel!)

But the other photo you mention? An attractive young woman in a toppy dress? Oh, no - please keep that one to yourself. I don't think I'd like to see that at all ;).

Anonymous said...

Hi Kaelah,

You've created yet another stunning picture of yourself, which I'm sure Ludwig enjoys a lot. It's also good to see you in good spirits and feeling well!

Kaelah said...

Thank you very much, everyone, for your kind comments! And thanks for the nice emails as well. I'm feeling much better now, but I have to catch up with all the work I didn't do. So, it might take a few days before you're going to hear from me.

@ Ludwig:
Thanks for being at my side! And I'm glad you're not gay. Not because I don't like gays (on the contrary, some of the spanking clips that touch me the most are made by gays) but because it would mean that I would have to become a guy! I knew that their shape wouldn't keep you from eating delicious fruit gums, though... ;-)

@ Burl, Ronnie & Annapurna:
Thank you very much for your lovely comments! :-)

@ Ursus & Underling:
Okay, there'll be another e-card post. Hope you'll like the picture!

@ Our Bottoms Burn:
I don't think that anyone will have any objections against the picture. What I was worrying about, though, were comments like: „Oh, great, another willing 24-7 slave who needs the strong hand of her master to guide her.“ Or something like that. But luckily, that's most probably not going to happen on this blog. :-)

@ Indy:
Couldn't that also be a good description of a new superhero? Hetero Superdom – the man who isn't even scared of fruit gum willies... ;-)

Peter8862 said...

Yes, it really is a lovely E-card, mainly because the subject is so gorgeous. Thank you Kaelah for sharing it with us.

I'm worried about those cuffs though. Too many loners have had to be cut free by the fire brigade, or worse.

Peter8862 said...

I missed your note about the toppy dress. Sounds great. Please post it.

MasonPearson said...

Just had a thought. I think this is the best blog of its type in the English language and therein lies an irony. Many thanks.


Nice image, The "Toppy Dress" one should be interesting too.


Rich Person said...

It's just nice for you to share with us. Also, he's lucky to have a beautiful girl that wants only him!


Sorry to do this in your comment box but as you and others know, I am ridiculously bad with emails.

My blog has been deleted (not by me). I have set up a new Wordpress blog. It is going to take me a little time to figure out how Wordpress works but the new blog is...


and can be found at...


Pandora Blake said...

I only just saw the thread on ethical porn, having not had much time to spend on reading blogs lately. I just wanted to say I really appreciate the extent to which you and Ludwig are voices of sensitivity, humanity and sophisticated philosophical thought on this issue. I particularly admire the way that you are able to honestly express and confront your emotional responses without losing your ability to examine a topic rationally. Thankyou for engaging so closely with these important issues.

I don't know if I'm going to engage with either thread, partly because this topic is SO close to my heart and I've done so much thinking that I don't really know where to start to respond. I've spent a huge amount of time trying to answer the conundrum of how to present non-consensual fantasies in an ethical way and the answers are complex and multi-layered. I'm getting to the point now where it seems to make more sense to go ahead and implement my solution than talk about it. But I'm glad people like you are continuing to engage with the debate, because it's an essential one in my opinion.

Hope you and your domcat (lovely word!) enjoy your time together, and have lots of fun breaking in your new toys :)

And yes, please, post the photo!

Kaelah said...

@ Peter:
Thank you for your kind compliment! You don't have to worry about the cuffs, it was very easy for me to connect and disconnect them during my single photo session. The “toppy dress” picture will follow some time soon.

@ MasonPearson:
Thank you! :-)

@ Prefectdt:
Thanks a lot and there will be a post with the “toppy dress” picture. Don't worry about using our comment section for your information! I hope that you'll get your old posts back and I wish you good luck with your new blog. Obviously many blogs are accidentally deleted on Blogger (to my mind this has nothing to do with adult content), but there are ways to have them being restored. Your blog still exists, the scheduled posts show up in our preview section. We will change the links soon.

@ Rich:
Thank you and I hope I didn't sound arrogant when I said that I'm reluctant to share these things. It's rather about my personal limits and sometimes also fears, not about not wanting to share with our readers. Oh, and Ludwig isn't the only one who is lucky here, I'm very lucky as well because he has decided that he wants only me and he stands by my site! Of course this is only the way things work for us, others are very happy in relationships that include more than just two people...

@ Pandora:
Thanks a lot and I admire your fight for ethical porn and all the time you have invested into these kinds of discussions. I manage to be quite rational in my posts, but discussions like that one touch me deeply emotionally and I'm not very good at protecting myself from the emotional and physical consequences. I think I wouldn't be able to participate as often in these discussions as you do! Since you have a lot to do right now, I think it would be better for you not to engage with either thread, though.

Ludwig and I already tried the new cuffs, they are really comfortable! :-) And the picture of the toppy dress will follow.


Thank you :)


Anonymous said...

easy and difficult in the same time!
Difficult it is punish you, too sexy and cute, but it could be easy in the same time.
Provocative and submissive girl!

Kaelah said...

@ Anonymous:
Usually I am not so submissive, but I love to be provocative... ;-)