Saturday, February 19, 2011

Just a Little Hand

Feeling the warmth of your skin -
touching you;
running my fingers over your flesh.
Withdrawing my hand for a second -
making contact again;
a crack echoing from the wall.
Following the wave of pain
running through your body;
wincing and a suppressed gasp.
Resting my burning hand on your bottom -
feeling close;
watching your naked body relax.
Knowing I'm in control -
just for a moment
you've given yourself into my little hands.

When Ludwig allowed me to practise the handling of several implements on him as a living target, I brought out nearly all the different things I could find: Flogger, hairbrush, belt, switch, cane and some more. I neatly placed them on the table. Ludwig stripped and bent over, hands on the sofa stool which was standing in the middle of the room. I know that Ludwig doesn't like hand spankings. They remind him of domestic discipline scenarios which definitely aren't turn-ons for him. But I really wanted to try it, at least just once. I wanted to know how it feels, wanted to find out whether my small hands with those little fingers (little girl hands, as they have already been called) could make any impression.

And Ludwig gave me his permission to have a try. I placed myself behind him and started to spank him, trying different variants. “Does this hurt more or that?” - “The latter.” So, I kept the latter variant (flat palm) and got into a steady rhythm. And to my big surprise I managed to elicit some reactions from Ludwig. A bit of wincing here, a suppressed gasp there – without the help of an implement, just with my own little hand. A wonderful feeling ran through my body, a fascinating mixture of being in control and closeness to my mate. I watched Ludwig's skin redden, aware that it was just me who was responsible for this to happen. When I finally stopped, my hand was a deep shade of red as well and it stung. But that just added to the feeling that I had done my job well.

After the warm-up I gave Ludwig six of the best with each of the implements. The strokes weren't extremely soft but also not overly severe. The mood was a light one, there was no roleplay or any psychological topping on my behalf. And I learnt a lot from Ludwig's feedback. I once applied the hairbrush too high and my caning technique did not allow me really hard strokes, yet. The accuracy was fine, but with my technique I simply did not manage to achieve a very high velocity. Before anyone asks, yes I have already changed my technique! Oh, and the most difficult implement for me to handle was the belt.

But no matter how much I enjoyed trying out the different implements, the hand spanking caused the most wonderful feeling. I love hand spankings as a bottom as well, preferably lying across Ludwig's lap. Being so close to him during a spanking is a highly erotic experience for me. But I can understand that the picture of a man being hand spanked by a woman, maybe even OTK (a total no-go for Ludwig, even more DD- or age-play-like than the hand spanking itself), is completely different to that of a woman being taken over the lap of her physically stronger partner. As a top I'm not into DD scenarios, either, at least not with my mate, and I don't want Ludwig to switch for a scenario which he doesn't enjoy. The feeling of power and closeness, however, that went along with that hand spanking experience was amazing nonetheless! Damn it, why aren't there any judicial scenarios that give a convincing reason for a hand spanking?!

What are your experiences with hand spankings and maybe OTK spankings? Which images do these kinds of spankings create in your mind? For which scenarios do you use them? And do you also see a difference between male and female spankees and spankers? Bring on your thoughts, please!


Annapurna said...

Hi Kaelah,

I have much to say about your OTK topic, but first I need to finish my post about your first spanking experience.

I will say this: I love a hand spanking! It's so erotic; it's a sign of affection for me, as if my partner has taken the time to show her appreciation of me. I don't see it as punishment at all no matter how hard she tries to spank me with her hand.

Annapurna said...

Part One

Hi Kaelah,

When you ask about OTK hand spankings, you’re asking a very personal question. But I see no reason to hide from you or others so I will share.

I love OTK hand spankings! I love lying over my wife’s lap. I like it when she places one hand on my outside hip while she smacks my bottom. Her hand position is not really meant to keep me in place because I certainly don’t want to go anywhere, and I don’t kick or thrash because the pain is barely noticeable, if I would even call it pain at all; it’s more like a caress for me, and I realize that sounds perverse. (Oh well, I guess we’re not taking about Italian cooking, right?) Because I can absorb everything my partner can give, her hand begins to hurt long before she can make any impression on me.

For me to be spanked at all, I need to feel feminine. What does this mean? While no one would mistake me for a woman by my outward appearance and mannerisms, I have been aware that my internal landscape is feminine. I’ve known about this dichotomy since I was four years old, and it explains in part my choice of screen name.

Before continuing, I want to make it clear that women as a group are not in need of punishment of any kind nor should they be mistreated in any way for any reason. Women are not the property of men nor are they the property of the state. They should be loved, respected, and cherished for who they are, and without them we would be extinct.

However, any woman who just happens to be a spanko bottom for whatever reason possesses a unique set of qualities that we can emulate: this submissive female is yielding, accommodating, nurturing, and tolerant, just to name a few of the more outstanding traits. (It so happens that I, too, have some of these characteristics.) Her bottom is inherently spankable because of its shape, contour, softness, padding, and ease of access to her labia majora, the flower of her soul. To see a woman draped over the lap of a loving top is to witness one of the best sights in all of nature. (I’m sorry for being so prejudiced!)

A well-developed man is not without his own charm, but his bottom is not really one of them. Erotic is the touch of his pictorial muscles and the insertion point of his serratus anterior where it meets the rib cage. To feel the four separate ridges of the rectus abdominis or to run one’s finger up and down the leg quadriceps is a tactile delight. Also, a man’s frame seems to be built more for action, not spanking or cuddling.

Annapurna said...

Part Two

In my case, however, my bottom seems to have many of the same contours of a woman’s anatomy, and I have many of a woman’s emotional characteristics as well. So it’s quite easy for me to project a mindset of femininity, where I’m in a position of receiving, which in this case would be a spanking, rather than projecting a mindset of action, which would not be that conducive to being a bottom.

I realize that some may find what I have said difficult at best, especially for men. By and large, most men feel very threatened about the loss of their masculinity. What they need to understand is that they cannot possibly lose it, for masculinity can neither be given nor taken away; it’s an archetype which we all share, both men and women. And men need to understand that being spanked by a woman is not an inherent sign of weakness. Real strength lies within and is not a matter of musculature or the ability to physically dominate others; it’s a mindset made of resolve, determination, perseverance, and fortitude.

In my own case, I have no need for scenarios. If my partner wanted to concoct one in order to justify my being spanked, I would play along. However, I would still be projecting the image of the inner female. Being the naughty school boy, for example, does nothing for me so I might not feel too comfortable if my partner wanted me to play the part of Blue Boy or wear a dog collar and leash.

From the forgoing it might come as no surprise, therefore, that I prefer female spankees to males, and female tops. But whoever is topping, I don’t want to see violence, brutality, or cruelty, nor do I want to witness humiliation or excessive physical damage to the bottom, whether person is a male or female. In such cases, my first reaction is to call a halt to the proceedings and to give comfort to the spankee by holding and rocking him or her. Once again, my reaction is basically feminine and nurturing in nature.

In Ludwig’s case, there’s not much I can say that’s going to make him feel more comfortable lying across your lap and being hand spanked by you. If it’s something you really want to experience with him, and I agree that it’s highly erotic and intimate, the both of you could always try a course of desensitization in which Ludwig is gradually exposed to hand spanking by small degrees over time. You could also reassure him that such spankings will remain completely private and that by submitting to you in that manner does not diminish his rugged, dominate nature, for even the lion is sometimes called to submit to the whims of mother nature when she feels her capricious desire to chastise both the high and the mighty.

Underling said...

Kaelah, I've had a good number of hand spankings, all of them over the knee and most of them pretty hard! Part of the appeal for me is that it's a little demeaning, but just as important is the intimacy - both the contact of hand on bare skin, and the soft warmth of the spanker's lap. The one thing I don't like about OTK is getting there, and getting up afterwards - there's just no graceful way to do it, especially if the spanker is seated on a chair (it's a bit easier on a sofa or bed where you can kind of slither across). It might sound a bit silly to worry about dignity under those circumstances, but I do! :)

I have heard (as you mentioned) that hand spanking is hard on the spanker, but I imagine the warm afterglow is quite nice, just as it is for the spankee's bottom.

There's also something soothing about an OTK spanking, even a hard one. It's the only type of 'punishment' I've experienced during which I've actually felt really calm, almost sleepy. Maybe it's the rhythm of it - very different from being being bent over, wondering when the next blow from an implement is going to land!


OTK is something that I tend to avoid with a spanking only playmate. I think that you have to keep something for more "special" partners and that is usually my thing. I have done OTK with non sexual playmates but it always felt a bit awkward.

I have always liked to be hand spanked standing up, bent over, with my hands on my knees, while the spanker uses her spare hand to hold the back of my neck, with any playmate. This has a nice feeling of a formal punishment but with an element of physical control.


Kaelah said...

@ Annapurna:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I don't think that Ludwig and I will do any hand spankings or OTK spankings, though, unless we should happen to stumble across any scenario in which it holds any appeal for Ludwig. I guess the main point isn't that Ludwig is afraid of seeming unmanly (although this might be a part of it) because he likes to cuddle and being cuddled and he is not afraid of telling me about his fears or weaknesses and he's not one of the men who always have to play the strong, detached hero. To my mind OTK hand spankings for him are a bit like what you call “cruelty” or “humiliation” during a spanking is for you – he simply can not find it erotic. And I think under these circumstances one simply shouldn't do it!

@ Underling:
I absolutely agree with you, I enjoy the intimacy of a hand spanking very much and even hard hand spankings don't scare me! Oh, and I don't think that your awkward feeling concerning the question of getting down or standing up gracefully is strange at all. I absolutely hate to look clumsy and for me feeling clumsy can destroy the erotic feeling of a scene. I'm not sure whether you mean the position I have in mind when you talk about the bed or sofa. But one position I like for a hand spanking is the one Ludwig and I used for our video clip. It's important that the top sits on the edge of the sofa stool or whatever you use and then it's quite easy to get down and up and it doesn't look too clumsy... :-)

@ Prefectdt:
I'm absolutely with you, Prefectdt, I can't imagine to do an OTK spanking with anyone else than my mate, either. At least not on the receiving end! A hand spanking might be okay, but honestly on the bare it would be almost as difficult (or almost as much a no-go) as the OTK position!

Annapurna said...

Hi Kaelah,

"To my mind OTK hand spankings for him are a bit like what you call “cruelty” or “humiliation” during a spanking is for you – he simply can not find it erotic."

As Spock (my hero!) would say, "Fascinating."

I think it's truly amazing that what some of us find erotic others do not. It's so personal and perhaps unpredictable.

simon said...

i just love hand spanking both giving and taking its so easy and you don`t have to take any clothes off to do simon.

Kaelah said...

@ Annapurna:

It's always fascinating for me to see how different people are in general and how different the desires and preferences of different types of kinksters and spankos can be. Sometimes people generally like or don't like a certain form of play. I assume this is true in your case for "cruelty" and "humiliation". Sometimes people just don't like certain things when being in a certain position (top, bottom, observer). And that's true for Ludwig's relation with OTK spankings. He can find them erotic as a top, but they have absolutely no erotic appeal for him when being in the position of the bottom.

Oh, and: Live long and prosper! :-)

@ Simon:
It never occurred to me that hand spankings are practical because one doesn't have to take any clothes off! Well, maybe that's because Ludwig usually wants me to take my clothes off for them... ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Kaelah,

Would it be too strong a word if I were to say I love Mr. Spock! The phrase I like most from our pointed-ear friend goes something like this: “Logic dictates that….” I find myself saying these words a lot lately.

Because of your OTK topic, I wanted to experience that spanking position again to see what kind of sensations and feelings arose in me during play. So I asked Tigger (my wife) to spank me OTK using her hand and a couple of implements (i.e., the belt and hairbrush). Well, the experience was great, as I knew it would be, but I had to move off her lap for the belt because she just couldn’t get the swing of things. That only meant I got spanked all the harder while sprawled over our bed!

Even though I like OTK spankings, I don’t like them universally. If my mother were to spank me bare bottom over her lap, for example, I would feel terribly violated. The same would be true if I were spanked by a man instead of a woman.

Humiliation and derogatory comments don’t work for me because that’s what I received for years while growing up from my older siblings. Such treatment damaged my sense of self-worth and left me psychologically scared for a very long time. In contrast, Tigger has never used a single harsh word with me in our 12 years of marriage.

I’m making good progress with my new blog. I have spent the last 30 hours or so gathering some really nice pictures to accompany the text I will be writing. My next step is to storyboard the main landing page, and once that task is finished, I can go live.

Annapurna said...

Hi Kaelah,

The last post was from me. I guess I nodded off when I hit the send button so I left my name off!

Respecting Mistress said...

Kaelah, I've never been interested in OTK, preferring instead harsher punishments - although we have dabbled in the past. Mistress doesn't like the fact it makes her hand sting and she says she prefers implements that can pack some power.
But recently we bought a bath brush while we were away n a shopping trip and Mistress tried it out in the hotel that night. We were a bit worried about annoying the guests next door so Mistress kept my spanking to a minimum but I had to lie acros the bed - at 90degrees to the bedhead - while Mistress, hooked ler legs over my back to hold me down and whacked my bottom.
It wasn't so much OTK as UTK but it worked and we were both shocked by the feeling of intimacy it produced.... I absolutely loved the feeling over her legs pinning me. Needless to say we've discussed the possibility of more conventional OTK paddlings for the future.

Underling: I find it a rather demeaning feeling too - even going over the knees of my lovely Mistress. But I suppose feeling a litle humiliated is all part of the process.

Kaelah said...

@ Annapurna:
I guess negative experiences from our childhood often result in "no-goes" for our spanking/kinky play as adults. I'm very glad that spanking wasn't a form of "education" in my childhood (I strongly disapprove of any form of CP for children, even the "little occasional slap"). But one fear I had as a child was the fear of looking clumsy when practising any kind of sports because I'm rather small and not very strong. So putting me into stress positions and making comments about my shaking arms and legs in order to motivate me surely isn't my cup of tea...

@ Repecting Mistress:
UTK – that sounds very interesting indeed! :-) To my mind it is great how often one finds new things which are suddenly much more erotic and exciting than one expected them to be. With Ludwig this happens to me quite often and I'm always surprised which forms of play suddenly become interesting and hot when we are together. I cross my fingers for your Mistress and you to have some wonderful and bonding experiences with the OTK position! Since the spankings in the OTK position might be a bit lighter, you could maybe use the position for "good boy" spankings, in case you have these kinds of spankings at all?

Annapurna said...

Hi Kaelah,

I, too, disapprove of spanking children either at home or in school. When my daughter was growing up, I never spanked her at all for any reason. But she has threatened to spank her own children when and if she has any. I have no clue where she got that idea because she didn’t get it from me. I’ve kept my fetish concealed, sharing it with no one other than Tigger (my wife).

It’s hard for me to believe that you ever had any fears at all. You seem athletic and physically capable of doing most anything. Tai Chi is a difficult discipline, but you seem to handle it quite well, even in the snow without clothing to keep you warm! That’s something I can’t do despite my experience with snow trekking. If anything, you seem rather imposing, especially in the picture of you holding the rattan cane. That picture actually scares me a little because you look so stern! :)

Kaelah said...

@ Annapurna:
Me looking imposing?! That's sweet! :-) Joking aside, I had a lot of fun making those pictures and I guess looking imposing as a top is rather a matter of attitude and self-confidence than size. Which is good luck for me because I'm rather small and my legs have always been quite weak, so I'm not good at all the run and jump disciplines (ever seen a dachshund run fast or jump high? ;-) ). Tai Chi is different because it's more about focus and coordination than about pure physical power.

Ludwig said...

I am late to the discussion (I did not have the time to participate in it while it was "fresh"), but I want to clarify something in regards to what Kaelah and Annapurna wrote.

The reason for my aversion to taking hand spankings as a bottom is not that I fear a "loss of masculinity" or anything like that. It is simply that, for some reason, I strongly associate this particular constellation (female spanking male, over the knee) with age-play and with domestic discipline, which is not my kink. So my aversion is not really about gender attributes, it is about scenario attributes. Instead of age-play, I prefer scenarios where all participants are clearly adults. Instead of domestic discipline, I prefer other, more formal "genres", like judicial scenes, for instance.

I also find that, in visual terms, women lying over men's laps usually look good, while men lying over women's laps often tend to look a bit awkward. This is because of the size difference that you usually have between women and men. Again, my sentiments are not about stereotypical "gender roles" or anything like that. It is simply a visual, aesthetic thing.

I would like to point out that, obviously, these are just subjective preferences of mine about my own kink. If you like age-play and domestic discipline, if you have different mental associations with F/M OTK spankings, or if you think that men all look great lying over women's laps, then that is great. More power to you.

About the whole, very complicated subject of "masculinity": as Kaelah has already pointed out, I am not the kind of guy who has to play the stereotypically masculine, strong, detached hero all the time. I talk about weaknesses and insecurities (even though I only talk about them to a very small handful of confidants). I can cry when I am sad or upset, without feeling "unmanly" because of it. I like to cuddle. I am the professorial, geeky type rather than the sports jock. And so on.

So, I think I am a lot less concerned about being "macho" than the average male today. Still, I think that there is such a thing as "manliness", and I try to be like that. It just happens to be a lot less stereotypical, and a lot more complicated, than what many other people commonly associate with "manliness". But that is a whole different discussion, which maybe we will have on the blog one day.

In short, I believe that there is such a thing as "masculinity" and "femininity". A part of it is biological, a bigger part of it is social construct. In any case, these are "real" attributes. Even in the gender equal society which we strive for, we should not pretend that they aren't.

Of course, men can be "feminine" and women can be "masculine". That really comes down to a matter of personal choice, so if you as a man feel and want to be feminine, great.

Last but not least, about this remark of yours: "A well-developed man is not without his own charm, but his bottom is not really one of them." I disagree. I think that men can have very shapely, sexy bottoms. And remember, I am saying this as a straight guy - being hetero does not prevent me from noticing when a man in a spanking video has a shapely bottom! *grins* I would like to see more bottoms like that in F/M videos.