Monday, July 14, 2008

Movie Review: The Auction

Elitepain (released in 2007)

Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:
Environmentalists suffer to save baby seals

Victim Appeal:
The movie stars two Hungarian lasses by the names of Betty Sweet and Vicky. I like Betty in particular. With her blonde vixen physique and nicely pained reactions (if nothing else), she first caught my attention back in 2004. Actually, it was her debut with Mood Pictures that inspired me to write my first spanking film review, a trite and hyperbolic fifteen-paragraph-monstrosity published under another nickname and thankfully consigned to the dustbin of history.

In the meantime, Miss Sweet has unfortunately ruined her body with a pair of equally monstrous breast implants. Why, oh why do women keep doing this to themselves? 3000 years in the future, when aliens discover the remains of our long-extinct civilization, they are going to find two silicone cushions in every second grave, and what an impression is that going to make? At least it explains where the money for Betty's previous shoots went and why she is back needing more. Unnecessary surgical disfigurement aside, though, her reactions are still great.

The plot? Oh yes. The girls play environmentalists looking to raise money for their save-mother-nature foundation. They will do anything - anything! - in return. An auction is set at the Elite Club. You can imagine where this is going.

Gratuitous Sadism:
The auction has several rounds, each one resulting in a scene of torture. I need to take a look at my notes here. Okay, so first Betty gets her bottom caned, 11 strokes. Followed by 20 single tail lashes on her back. Then Vicky receives a "Victorian butt caning" (huh?) of 30 strokes. Next it's Betty's turn again, frontal whipping, 30 lashes (on the legs, mostly). Vicky again, getting 20 whip lashes on her tits and another 20 on the front of her legs. Finally, Betty gets her pussy pierced with two fishing hooks. Yikes!

This is intense stuff. Marks, screams, tears, plenty of "I can't stand it!" pleas... I was too lazy to calculate how much money the two activists had made by the end of the story, but in a perfect world, it ought to be a substantial sum after this kind of abuse. Then again, if we lived in a perfect world, they wouldn't need to raise money to save the planet, anyway, right? And we wouldn't get to watch all this vicious torture. Ah well...

Best Reactions:
Betty Sweet, of course. During her back whipping.

Best Line:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have gathered together here today to stand up for saving baby seals." Not a brilliant line in itself, but the experience of hearing it uttered in a CP movie is just... What is the word? An augmentation of "surreal"? We need a new adjective.

Nice Psychological Touch:
One overly jealous participant of the auction accuses Betty of "laying eyes" on her husband. She requests that the girl should make tea for them - with tea bags fixed to her breasts with wires and nipple clamps while her bottom is being caned! And if she flinches and spills as much as a single drop, she should be whipped with the single tail. You have to admit, that's pretty inventive cruelty. Needless to say, Betty can only stand 11 strokes (hence the unusual number) before her reflexes terminate the strange tea ceremony... All under the gleeful gaze of the angry wife.

How Good Is It Really?
A pretty straightforward gonzo torture flick, this one. But the premise is so wacky that I felt I had to give it a review. And even though her appeal has faded somewhat for me, I'm a Betty Sweet completist. For old times' sake.

What You Learned:
I'm quite a greenie myself, but honestly, there are things I wouldn't do to save the environment. Like, insert fishing hooks into my genitals. That's taking the cause a bit too far I think! See, you can tell: I switch, but I'm a top at heart, not a bottom. Besides, whatever happened to natural selection? Let the stupid seals take care of themselves...


Paul said...

Ludvig, how about uber-surreal.
Not a lot baby seals can do against the fur hunters.
I certainly agree with you about cosmetic disfigurement, far stranger than a spanking fetish.
Warm hugs,

Anonymous said...

I'll spare you any mechanics jokes about having blown a seal and plunge straight towards the obvious question of saving the planet. The question is...;which planet? 3000 years from now, when the aliens find silicon cushions in every second grave, they will devour them with great relish and sell them throughout the galaxy at exorbitant prices as a rare delicacy. Perhaps that is why we were put here in the first place! All speculation on the meaning of life aside, it sounds like an excellent training video for wannabe Green Peace commandos. If nothing else, it ought to deter the lightweights. If your not willing to put fish hooks in your genitals, how can we trust you to motor your zodiac inflatable between the harpoon cannon, TV cameras and the Eskimo children's protein supply?