Global Day of Delurk 2021

This is a little bit of a strange day for us, since this year on LOL Day, we not only say hello and thanks to our silent and not-so-silent readers, but kind of delurk on our own blog as well. I haven’t published a post since May, not even on my blogiversary in August.

But as the long-time readers among you know, this occasion is very important to Ludwig and me. LOL Day in 2008 was the first time I left a comment on this blog, which at the time was written solely by Ludwig. Actually, it was my first-ever comment on any spanking blog or any blog at all. I was a total newbie to spanking. While I’d had spanking fantasies for as long as I could remember, I didn’t know what these things I was fantasizing about were actually called and that there were many others like me. Only a short time earlier had I stumbled upon erotic spanking-related content for the first time, and a short time later upon this blog.

I remember how excited and nervous I was when I read about LOL Day and finally decided to write a comment and come out of the dark. It was wonderful to see how happy Ludwig was to hear from new readers. A short time later, I started exchanging e-mails with him. It was great to talk about “those fantasies” to someone who understood me. I started trusting Ludwig so much that I eventually asked him to meet in person and find out whether the chemistry was right for him to introduce me to the world of spanking.

Well, it was... And so, I did not only experience my first erotic spanking in a wonderful and very geeky Klingon initiation ceremony, but also found a boyfriend in Ludwig. The next years were full of new kinky and vanilla experiences. We met fellow bloggers and readers of our blog, visited spanking parties and made a few spanking videos. We wrote many blog posts, discussed ethical questions, shared our private exploits and kinky pictures.

We also wrote openly about some of our flaws and problems. For instance, about my commitment phobia. But despite the trouble that came especially with my anxieties, Ludwig and I became “Mr and Mrs Rohrstock-Palast” and parents, too. That changed our lives drastically. Today, I try to write this post on the fly with two vocal kids in the background.

Of course, now that we are parents and have many other new responsibilities as well, our lives have  been centered around other things than kink and erotic fun during the last few years. But still we kept this blog alive until May this year.

What happened then had nothing to do with our kids. Ludwig and I have another big project that had already started last year and which we had been looking forward to. But this spring many things started going wrong. Things that were partly out of our control. Suddenly we were having trouble with people we had hoped to get along with, there were new financial challenges thanks to Covid and the increasing prices, and the time schedule didn’t work out as planned, either. Ludwig and I tried to get things right. We worked even harder, we did even more than we had already done before. Part of the things we were able to handle, especially the costs and the time schedule. We know that we can be happy, because our jobs weren’t affected negatively by Corona and we didn’t lose any family members to it. But the emotional trouble and the stress with some people because of our project escalated, and all of our attempts to calm things down were to no avail.

It got so bad that I started having panic attacks again. Ludwig was very close to a burnout, too. That was when I stopped writing on this blog, because I didn’t even have enough energy left for a singe Kaelah's Corner post a month. Or for answering e-mails (my apologies to those of you who have written to me and didn’t get a reply, I’m still planning to get back to you sometime in the future). My job, the kids, our project, looking after a family member who is suffering from health problems, and trying to work on my own health was as much as I could handle. Moreover, my libido was down to almost zero and there weren’t any kinky thoughts on my mind. So, what could I have written about, anyway?

The situation is slowly starting to get back to normal again, but it probably won’t be fully resolved until autumn next year. I hope I will be able to resume blogging earlier, but I don’t know when exactly this will be.

Still, Ludwig and I definitely wanted to use this occasion to say hello to all of you and tell you we are still around and that we will be back, too. Until then, we hope you are well and enjoy kinky fun or at least kinky erotic fantasies despite the pandemic and the still dramatic situation all over the planet.

Global Day(s) of Delurk 2018 (Day 2): 1 + 1 = 4

This is the second day of this year's LOL Day event, and today's post will be the most personal and intimate one ever on this blog - which is saying a lot. As I explained yesterday, LOL Day 2008 was the very starting point of our relationship and of Ludwig's and my crazy kinky and vanilla journey that finally resulted in our marriage.

Since then our blogging has become rather infrequent, though. There were several reasons for this. After years filled with lots of kinky experiments and experiences, that part of our life had become less important. Plus, our vanilla life was very busy – job responsibilities, household chores, time with family and friends, a few minor health issues and even medical emergencies in our family.

But that wasn't the whole story. This blog has always been first and foremost about kink. In addition to that we have shared a few things about our development as a couple. It never was and never will be a vanilla couple's blog, though. We don't write posts about the two of us doing laundry together. And while we are very open about our kink, our erotic exploits and our relationship, we are very careful to protect the privacy of our vanilla environment.

That's why Ludwig and I were pondering for a while whether we should share this very special, intimate thing with you or not. But since it might actually be the most important step in our relationship, and since it explains why we have hardly had any time for kink or blogging, we finally decided to let you in on this very personal development. In a recent series of posts, I wrote about a special and rather painful event that altered our life. Some of you already figured out what I was writing about.

Here is the solution of the riddle (which will hopefully also explain why I left out a few details in my account): As the long-time readers among you might remember, I always wanted children. I already pondered the question how to handle our kinkiness with little ones being around long before Ludwig and I were even married. Ludwig wanted kids, too, and our dream has come true. As a matter of fact, today we already are parents of not only one, but two wonderful little ones, a  girl and a boy!

We ask for your understanding that we won't share any more information about the two for the reasons mentioned above. But we hope that the revelation of our parenthood helps you understand why kink and erotic adventures don't play such an important role in our relationship any more, at least for the time being, and why keeping up this blog has been so difficult in the recent past.

I hope that you feel happy for us, despite the negative effects on our blogging. And I can only encourage the silent readers among you who ask themselves whether they should take the plunge and follow their kinky dreams and fantasies to sincerely consider doing so. As you can see, it can lead to things you might never have thought possible, which go far beyond erotic adventures. Or at least you might very probably find some kind new friends here in the spanking community. You are definitely very welcome to write a comment on our blog, share your experiences and ask questions anytime! A Happy LOL Day to all of you and thank you for reading!

Your Questions Answered (Part 2)

This is our the second set of answers to the question posed by our readers. You can find the first Q&A instalment here. Thank you very much to our readers who came up with all those intriguing topics!

Our Bottoms Burn (Bogey) asked: "Would like to know your thoughts while you are spanking your husband."

That depends on the situation! Since Ludwig doesn't switch that often, many of the times I got to spank him were for video clips. In that case I am usually very much focussed on the creative process, the scenario, the camera angles, the speed, my aim, Ludwig's reactions and the marks. I don't really enjoy the spanking while it happens, then, but rather enjoy the result afterwards.

Sometimes I also spank Ludwig (often spontaneously) in private. Then I am usually focussed on teasing and pushing him a bit and on creating reactions which I enjoy immensely during the spanking. I suppose I am in full sadist mode then. Of course not in a way that I want to harm Ludwig. I only love provoking reactions and creating marks to an extend which I know is fine for Ludwig as well. Ludwig relishes being spanked the most when the spanker genuinely enjoys it as well. And he likes me to be in a demanding toppy mode when I spank him.

I also had some rare experiences when spanking Ludwig got me into a special flow that was almost meditative. In that state I am rather focussed on the rhythm of the spanking and on myself. Of course a part of me still has an eye on whether Ludwig is fine, but my main focus is on the act of spanking and how it feels for me. I wrote about such an experience in my post about the video clip which we filmed together with Leia-Ann Woods.

Spearthrower asked: "How do you manage the sound of spanking in the apartment and particularly when traveling?"

Well, our first advantage here is that both Ludwig and I aren't exactly noisy when being on the receiving end of a spanking. So, the only problem that remains is the sound of the spanking itself. At home that isn't really a problem because the walls are thick enough for the neighbours not to hear. When travelling it can be more difficult. Since we normally don't do very prolonged scenes, though, we usually rely on the hope that those who might coincidentally overhear the swishing sound of a cane or the clapping sound of a hand spanking won't be able to guess what it is and won't really care, either. I can't remember any incident when we for instance switched on the TV or played music in order to disguise the sound of a spanking as I have heard others sometimes do.

Svetlana asked: "If (a) either of you individually and (b) both of you together could make an under-cover visit to the past for one day to either observe or experience historical corporal punishment, what place and time would you choose?"

We are going to answer that question separately.

Kaelah: That's a very difficult question! At first I thought about, for instance, the punishment of a navy cadet in the 19th century or a school punishment or something like that. But I have the following problem: While I find certain formal historic punishment scenarios erotic as kinky role-play fantasies, I find the real thing morally wrong and disgusting and don't want any part of it!

So, the only kind of real CP I can imagine myself to watch is consensual CP between adults. I don't know for which historical scenario that would be given, but I know one place were that kind of consensual CP still happens today. The form of “CP” (if one can even call it that) which I am talking about is something I came across in a documentary some years ago which thrilled me. I am talking about a stick being used as a motivational instrument during a sumo training session.

In Japanese the rather rough treatment of new recruits at a stable is called "kawaigatte" which means "to treat lovingly". One might think that this is irony, but it is not meant to be, because the harsh treatment is indeed supposed to make the new rikishi work as hard as he possibly can and therefore find his way to the top.

I guess that is a kind of spanking that would have an erotic appeal for me although it is real and no erotic play. But it would only be okay for me if I had the feeling that the recruits involved have really voluntarily chosen to become a sumo wrestler, knowing about the training methods. And if I had the feeling that the trainers really care for their protégés and don't overdo it. So maybe I would indeed choose a historical scenario involving one of the rikishis at the receiving end who later became successful sumo wrestlers. Since I was a huge sumo fan and watched sumo very regularly about fifteen years ago, that would probably be someone like Musashimaru, Kotonishiki or Wakanohana.

Ludwig: I have the same problem as Kaelah. Because I'm against real (i.e. non-consensual) CP, I don't believe I could eroticise watching it, no matter how much I might enjoy seeing the same scenario acted out as a role-play by a couple of consenting kinksters. Moreover, I find that my CP fantasies are often based on good CP porn videos I've seen rather than on actual reality, and these videos themselves are only very loosely based on reality. To name an example: as I mentioned several times on this blog, I like the Headmaster's Study series by Lupus Pictures. I might incorporate a scene like that into my fantasies. However, when you think about it, the action being shown there is not realistic at all. Did you ever hear about a female pupil being tied to a CP bench, totally naked, and given 50 hard cane strokes? Things like that never happened, not even in 19th century Bohemia.

In short, I tend to build my fantasies out of things I've seen in film rather than first-hand historical accounts. I suppose I can answer your question like this: I would not be interested in observing historical CP, but I would have loved being a fly on the wall while the filming of some of my favourite CP videos took place.

Your Questions Answered (Part 1)

In my last Kaelah's Corner post I invited you to ask Ludwig and me questions. I wasn't sure whether anyone would have any questions at all, but to my surprise five of our readers came up with very interesting ones. Since the topics you raised could each have been the theme for a separate post, our detailed answers will be published in two posts. That also gives those who haven't posed a question, yet, but would like to do so a few more days to write a comment. So here are our answers (which I have written in cooperation with Ludwig) to the first two questions :

Michael M asked: "Now that you have been together for so long has the interest in spanking each other tailed off a bit?"

Yes, it has. There are several reasons for this, I think.

First of all, I guess it is quite normal that new couples engage in sexual activities more often than couples who have been together for a long time. Having sex (and spanking for us is a part of that) is a way of getting to know each other and of being close to each other at a time when one's partner is still almost a stranger. This becomes less important when the partners know each other very well and share their daily life which involves lots of activities other than sex that bring the partners closer.

In addition to that, during our first years together, Ludwig and I were in a long-distance relationship. We saw each other only about every two weeks and when we did, we were in a holiday mood. So, spanking also was a way to bring us closer and enjoy a weekend off when we only had a rather limited time together and no shared obligations. Today we have a busy daily life with lots of vanilla responsibilities which makes it more difficult for us to get in the mood for planning and doing a spanking scene.

Then for Ludwig, spanking was always the most interesting in combination with making videos. Even when we started out as a couple, Ludwig was perfectly happy with private scenes to remain rare. His kinky mood usually heightened when we were in the stage of planning a video shoot or at least other kinky activities for the blog. Now we have realised almost every video idea that was important to us and it was clear from the beginning that our kinky activities would decrease once this state was reached.

As for me, I was absolutely new to spanking when Ludwig and I played for the very first time. As you can imagine, I was like a kid in a candy shop back then and wanted to try out many different things. Since then, I have done a lot of scenes that intrigued me, created videos, wrote blog posts, read blogs and spanking stories, watched kinky videos and so on, and the initial focus on kink to the exclusion of everything else has gone away.

Last but not least, when we came together, Ludwig was already an experienced top and I was the newbie who let him guide me into this strange new world. Later, when I felt ready, we switched places from time to time and I was allowed to top the man who was mostly a top himself. Both premises made it rather easy to come up with scenarios and imagine each other in opposed kinky roles. Since Ludwig and I now organise so many things as a team, though, and know each other so extremely well, it has at least for me become less easy to get into a toppy or bottom mindset with him or to imagine Ludwig as a fictional character for a role-play scenario. Today it's sometimes easier for me to see us for instance topping others together at a play event than to get in the mood for a scene that has the two of us on different sides of the game.

Simon asked: "If you are punished by or punish someone else how is it different to punishing each other?"

I hope it is okay that I'll translate "punish" as "spank" because, as you know, we don't do real discipline spankings and even most of our role-play scenarios aren't punishment scenes, either.

I think the difference is that spanking play between Ludwig and me is usually more intimate than spanking play with others. Often the spanking will lead to vanilla sex, something we don't share with others.

The exception from that rule is when we make a video clip together, because then others are involved through the camera. When we make videos, we are very much focussed on the creative process and the final clip. One of our last video clips together (the new professor) was the first time Ludwig had enjoyed the build-up and the caning while it happened and not only later when he watched the film material we produced.

Playing with others, on the other hand, makes it easier for us to engage in role-play scenarios. The reason is that there is at least a certain distance between us and the other participants, as they are acquaintances or friends at most and we don't share our daily life with them and don't know them as extremely well as we know each other. That makes it a lot easier to imagine them as a certain role-play character and to get into a role-play character, too. It also makes it a bit easier to experiment with things, because if something doesn't work out as planned, the disappointment doesn't afflict our relationship as much as a failed scene between the two of us might.

Playing with others can also give us a special thrill in the sense that, for instance, getting naked or telling the other to strip is different with a stranger. Between the two of us it of course isn't such a special thing anymore, since we have seen each other nude hundreds of times and as lovers don't feel strange being nude in front of one another at all.

Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2016): On Being Mr and Mrs Rohrstock-Palast

Yes, it's true, folks! Ludwig and I are finally married. While other couples split up after seven years, we decided it was a good time to take the next step.

As you can imagine, I am not the princess type. So, there were no white horses, no carriage, no heart-shaped balloons (or white doves) or any of that stuff. Just a little ceremony followed by a party with family and friends, involving good food, lovely conversation and lots of (progressive) rock and metal music.

I didn't wear a white wedding dress, either. First of all, I don't see why I should spend so much money on a dress which I only wear once in my life. Second, white is a colour that doesn't suit me. And third, wearing a white wedding dress (the colour of innocence) simply would have been a lie! :-) So, I wore my Chinese wedding dress which harmonized wonderfully with the bridal bouquet in warm colours that Ludwig had chosen. Ludwig wore an elegant suit and looked very handsome.

Some of you might remember that I have written about my commitment phobia a while ago. We took that into account by tailoring the event according to our needs and to who we really are. No vows to love each other forever (don't get me wrong, that's of course the plan, but I don't think it's something one can promise to another person), no talk about how we can't stop thinking about each another or about wanting to be together 24/7 (a horrible idea) or about how futile our lives would be without each other (we both wouldn't want to be with a person whose only sense in life comes from being with a partner).

Instead we made a little funny, tongue-in-cheek presentation about our history and years together and the time to come. Well, at least about those parts one would want to tell one's granny about! ;-) It was a very relaxed day, much more than we had expected. And we got the most wonderful compliment that I can imagine by several of our guests. Apart from telling us that they enjoyed the party and felt very comfortable and welcome, they said that they had rarely seen a bride and groom who were so relaxed and easy-going on their wedding day!

Let's hope that this is a good omen for our upcoming years together as Mr and Mrs!

500 Posts!

Yes, indeed, this is our 500th post! But that's not all. In only a few hours' time we will hit the 2.5 million page views mark. And I am quite confident that with your help we will make it to 5,000 comments soon as well (we already have over 4,900 published comments right now).

Since we definitely won't make it to 1,000 posts before closing down this blog, we decided that 500 posts is a number worth mentioning and celebrating. And another chance to thank you for following us and making blogging worthwhile!

Looking back, it is exciting to see how the blog has changed over time. In 2008 Ludwig started out as a solo-blogger. In his second post, titled What's On the Menu?, he explained his approach as follows:

Actually, humour (the black comedy, politically incorrect, hopefully non-lame kind) will be one of the main themes here. If BDSM isn't fun and a little tongue-in-cheek, something is wrong. Mind you, I take our kink awfully seriously – it's dark, obsessive, edgy and highly erotic. But at the same time, all these delightful fantasies of ours (the sassy schoolgirls, military tribunals and damsels in distress) are also ripe for some good affectionate lampooning. So I hope to add my own contribution to that.

It will offset the lengthy theoretical ramblings somewhat, which I also aim to provide. To me, spanking goes beyond the mere immediate turn-on, it is utterly fascinating on a psychological and philosophical level. And it leads to all kinds of tantalizing questions about us as human beings, individuals and members of society. There is a danger for these explorations to get all analytical and lose sight of the eroticism. Avoiding that, though, and keeping it in balance, they can be just as much of a kick.

Above all, BDSM and erotic corporal punishment is an artform to me. Both the "performance" itself and the "artifacts" we make, the films, images and stories. I've always been particularly intrigued by movies because they are a sort of hybrid - "slice of life" and yet a "permanent item". Naturally, being a film buff makes me a spanking film buff as well. Notwithstanding the fact that the genre as a whole is inherently goofy (as it should be), I view the good spanking movies as genuine works of art. So that will be the third theme of the blog, reviews and armchair criticism.

These three themes indeed proved to be vital parts of this blog – as of today we have 36 posts labeled as spanking humour, 30 philosophical ramblings and 55 movie and website reviews.

In 2009 Ludwig's happy little world got turned upside down, though, because Kaelah turned up and we became a couple. In 2010, Kaelah started writing about her thoughts on this blog as well, at first only in her monthly personal guest column Kaelah's Corner. Today we have 69 posts under this label.

At the same time, Ludwig (and later Kaelah as well) started to venture into the world of kinky porn, with both amateur as well as the professional videos. And so there are 20 posts about making art on this blog, plus 18 posts about our videos. Since Kaelah also loves taking photos, there are 69 posts labeled as our pictures, too.

The main change that happened, though, is that as a couple we also started to write more about our own kinky play and our relationship. In other words, this blog almost turned into one of the lame couple blogs Ludwig always disliked. You can read about our boring adventures under the label which has the highest number of posts so far – the private exploits label with 89 posts. This way, a lot of our development as a couple over the past years is reflected in our posts.

But not only our life and our blog have changed, the kinky online and blogging community have changed as well. Yesterday Ludwig reminded me of the time when a rather big group of (British) spanking models had their own rather active blogs. There was a lot of back and forth between, for instance, Niki Flynn and Adele Haze, who had a very lively commentership as well. Those blogs are gone and so are many fellow bloggers and commenters we interacted with throughout the years. But of course new people have come, too, and it is still a great event for us when a new commenter shows up on our blog to say hello.

So, this post is in memory of all the fellow kinksters who have come and gone during our time here in the kinky community. Thank you for having shared your thoughts with us! We would also like to encourage those silent readers who are still unsure whether they should say hi. The spanking community is very welcoming and it is a lot of fun to participate. And don't be afraid of being the newbie – the online community changes rather fast. Today you may be the new commenter / blogger, in a few months you are already considered an experienced community member!

Oh, and how do you think should we celebrate? Maybe a 500 strokes spanking? I am not sure whether we have ever done such a long scene, since Ludwig prefers shorter, more intense ones. Any other ideas? You are very welcome to share them in the comment section!

Ludwig and Kaelah

Happy Holidays, Busy Holidays

Kaelah and I would like to wish all of you happy holidays and a "guten Rutsch" into the year 2015. We had a nice Christmas dinner yesterday (as you may know, Germans celebrate on the 24th) and an altogether lovely start to the holiday season. Now, we are going to spend the final days of the year meeting family and friends, but also enjoying time together with just the two of us.

Unfortunately, we do not have a Christmas present for you this year. Not an audio story like last year, not a set of pictures as in 2012, and not a video clip as in some of the years before that. Sorry about that. Then again, given that we published our Office Discipline video only a month ago and some Santa Claus-themed pictures in early December, maybe you will find it in your hearts to forgive us. It is the season of love, after all.

The upside: the reason why we do not have a present this year is not that we are slacking off, but quite the contrary. I've been busy editing the severe 50 stroke caning scene which Kaelah and I filmed back in 2009, which we aim to finally publish before we close the blog next spring. The preview picture we posted is one of our most popular pictures ever. I intended to have the video ready for publication by today, but it turned out to be a very complicated editing job and simply too much work for the time available (trying to cut down several hours of "documentary footage" we shot so that the video contains all the interesting bits without becoming overlong and indigestible). So I have to postpone it until January. We also have some other videos in the pipeline, including the two shorter ones left over from our LOL day vote and some great and yet unpublished stuff we filmed years ago with Pandora Blake.

Moreover, we might use the holidays for some additional CP action for you to see. For one thing, I still have a bare bottom flogging coming to me from our betting on the Football World Cup, and Kaelah a hand spanking. You will get to see pictures of the results before too long.

Oh, and lastly, here is something I've been meaning to do for some time. Actually, maybe you can regard it as a Christmas present of sorts after all. I have added a new Our Pictures tag to all our picture posts which we have published over the years. While I'm the video buff, Kaelah is the photography buff among the two of us and it is past time to give all the beautiful photographs we have made (most of which were her idea and her work) a tag of their own so that you can find them more easily.

Happy holidays, everyone!

The Final Countdown

Normally, this would be the time for another (belated) Kaelah's Corner post. However, we are going to delay that one for a few more days still and use today's post to make an important announcement. "We" is indeed the correct pronoun to use because the two of us are writing this short text together.

We have decided that we will close down this blog next spring, shortly after celebrating the next blogiversary of Rohrstock-Palast in late January. We feel that, after what will then be more than seven years of blogging and more than 500 posts, the time will be right to call it quits.

We are entering a new chapter of our lives both as individuals and as a couple, and we feel that we will be content to end this blog and let it become a thing of the past. We are very happy with the things we have done here, the adventures we have had and the thoughts we have shared with you. But, as Kaelah's mother used to say, everything in life has its time. We have decided that the time of this blog is coming to an end.

One reason is that kink isn't as important to us as it used to be. We will still have it in our lives, but probably not as prominently and certainly not as publicly as it was these past years. Keeping up a kinky blog while not being in the right mindset can be a strain, and this is one aspect of being a kinky blogger which we will gladly leave behind. Another, equally important reason is that we feel we have already done (almost) everything we wanted to do here. We have pretty much covered all the topics, shared all the stories, written all the philosophical ramblings and shot all the pictures and videos we ever wanted. Sure, there are always more ideas one could pursue, but we won't be missing out on anything hugely important if we stop now.

We have made some good, dear friends in the kinky community with whom we will stay in touch. And who knows, we might still visit the occasional party or leave the occasional comment on someone else's blog. In all likelihood, we won't disappear from the Scene completely. But we are looking forward to going into retirement from blogging and making videos.

Closing down the blog not immediately, but in about three months' time will make for an even sadder farewell, in one way. At the same time, we think that it will be nice to have a final countdown instead of a sudden, sharp stop. It will give us time to say goodbye to you, our readers, properly, and you will have the time to say goodbye to us as well if you like. Moreover, we have a set of topics, picture posts and videos which we would still like to share with you. The blog will be much more active in its final few months than it has been recently. We plan on going out with a firework!

As we move into the last, exciting stretches of our journey, we would like to thank you, our readers, for having come along with us this far. It would not have been nearly as much fun as it was without your feedback, your support and your own kinky experiences which you shared with us. We hope that you will stay on for the remainder of the ride and enjoy it as much as we will. We're looking forward to giving Ludwig's and Kaelah's Rohrstock-Palast a magnificent, final hurrah!

Kaelah and Ludwig

The Perfect Whipping Bench

 

(One doesn't need a bench for a beautiful caning position. Picture courtesy of Restrained Elegance.)

I assume that I am not the only spanko for whom not only the storyline, the implement(s) and the dynamic of a spanking are important but also the environment in which the scene takes place and the position of the spankee. The latter is greatly influenced by the device on which the spanking takes place.

Of course one doesn't necessarily need any special furniture for a spanking scene. The spankee can, for instance, simply bend over a table. That can make for a very beautiful position, as the above picture of Amelia Jane Rutherford shows. It is also possible to use a simple chair, either for an OTK spanking or for the spankee to bend over and place their hands on the seat of the chair. For more intimate scenes the spankee can also bend over a bed, kneel on it or lie down, maybe with the bottom raised by a cushion. And of course a couch can serve similar purposes.

(A normal bed can do the job as well. Picture courtesy of Dreams of Spanking.)

Ludwig and I have tried all the variants mentioned above. I mean, what would spanking be without some variety? We have also created a kind of bench for our first very severe caning scene. Since we didn't own a "professional" bench, we had to improvise, though.

 

I wanted a real whipping bench for some time. The ones one usually gets at BDSM shops are usually rather big, though. And I didn't want to lose too much space. In addition to that those benches can be very expensive.

(The benches used by some video producers are obviously self-made. One that Ludwig likes. Picture courtesy of Mood Pictures.)

 

Finally, many of the benches looked too BDSMy and too cold for my taste. I am not so much into steel and leather, I prefer wood. I also think that wooden benches somehow look more formal which fits my kinky fantasies and reminds me less of a dungeon.

One can of course use certain pervertibles as whipping benches, too. When it comes to spanking devices which are (at least partly) wooden, gym horses are a variant one may be able to find from time to time on online selling platforms. I like them visually, but there is still the problem that they are rather huge and that it is difficult to explain to others what the thing is doing at one's home, in case one doesn't have the space to put it somewhere where it is hidden from the sight of visitors.

(The famous Lupus whipping bench. Picture courtesy of Lupus Pictures.)

 

So, buying a whipping bench didn't seem like an option that would work. I came to the conclusion that I had to build my own bench like many fellow spankos do. But how was the bench supposed to look like? That was the easy part because there is a lot of inspiration out there and I soon had a clear idea which kind of positions I wanted and how the bench had to be build to suit these ideas.

Like many others, Ludwig liked the famous Lupus Pictures bench very much. I definitely wanted a bench which allowed for a bend-over position like the Lupus bench, but the bench was a bit too chunky for my taste. Another bench used in some Spankingserver videos already came closer to what I had in mind.

But I didn't only want standing positions to be possible, I also wanted kneeling ones like the one I had tried on our friend Peter's bench. One huge advantage of his self-made bench was the fact that it looked like a normal sitting bench when being folded. Still, Peter's bench wasn't suitable for any standing positions.

(The Spankingserver bench which I like. Picture courtesy of Spankingserver.)

 

So I came to the conclusion that I needed a bench consisting of two parts. One part which was supposed to look like the Spankingserver bench and a smaller stool which could be put in front of the bench to kneel on it. For a standing position the bigger part could be used alone. When both parts where used, the spankee could kneel on the small stool and either put the elbows on the upper part of the bench or place the hands on it or bend over the upper part. Finally, the stool could also be used alone to bend over in a kneeling position.

My idea still held the problem that the bench would most probably not pass as normal furniture, but at least the two parts would be easier to move around and to put away than a huge one-part bench. The real problem was that I don't have any experience with building furniture. That wouldn't have kept me from trying, but the project would have been rather time-consuming and I would have needed help from friends.

(A position which was supposed to be possible with my bench. Picture courtesy of Spanking Central.)

It turned out that all the work wasn't necessary, though. Because some weeks ago, I unexpectedly stumbled over "my" bench in a furniture store. Well, of course it wasn't supposed to be a whipping bench. But now it is one and Ludwig and I have already tried it out for our LOL-Day clip! I'll tell you more about how I found the bench and show you how it looks like in another post.

 

For today, I would love to hear your thoughts on whipping benches. Do you have any interest in whipping benches at all or do you prefer "normal furniture" or maybe even spankings without any furniture at all? If you like whipping benches, what material do you prefer? Which positions should be possible? Can you tell how your perfect whipping bench looks like? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.

Facing the Darkness

When the first wave hit me, I was almost unprepared. Though I shouldn't have been. Instantly, I began to sweat. I tried to calm myself down. Controlled breathing can be helpful, but it didn't work this time. Every time I thought it might be over, it started again.

I signalled Ludwig what was going on and that I had the feeling I couldn't take it anymore. He listened and calmly talked to me. The communication helped me to focus and to believe that I could make it through. But then another stroke hit target and another one and another one. My whole body was covered with sweat and I was shaking uncontrollably. Several times I started crying. For a moment I thought that this might be going on for the rest of my life and that I might be losing my sanity.

And then it was over. I don't know how long it lasted exactly, maybe one hour. Afterwards I was totally exhausted, my body still shaking. I told Ludwig that I could manage alone now, though. For a while I listened to some music and eventually laid myself to sleep again. It was about 6 o'clock in the morning.

I hate anxiety attacks. My experience with them surely is one reason why I don't want to be pushed over the edge in my spanking play and why I don't seek any loss of control (at least not in the context of dark scenarios). I think accompanying someone during such an experience is much more difficult than leading a spanking scene as a top. The basic dilemma is quite similar, though. One can try to offer a safe environment as well as encouragement, but ultimately it is the one experiencing the situation who has to deal with the challenge and make it through. In contrast to a top in a spanking scene, someone accompanying another person during a panic attack doesn't even have the power to control or stop the process, though. That's what makes it much more challenging.

I have experienced (luckily not very many) anxiety attacks on a few different occasions in my life, for instance when I started living on my own or after my mum had died. I know the background, the triggers and that the feeling of anxiety becomes less frequent and finally disappears once I get used to a new situation. The important thing is that running away is not an option. Trying to reduce the pressure – yes, taking good care of oneself – most certainly, but avoiding certain life challenges because of the fear only reduces one's personal freedom in life and makes it all the worse.

Right now I have to deal with new challenges caused by several current and upcoming major changes, and the fact that I was very tired and exhausted and Ludwig was going to leave the next day led to the recent anxiety attack. Ludwig did the only right thing to do, though. He left the next day as planned, but offered to be there on the phone, should I need someone to talk. We both know that I have to face my anxiety on my own if I want to quickly get back in control again. This is how I handled previous situations like this one as well. Which is not to say that support from family and friends and maybe even professional help to find out more about the background and the triggers when the anxiety first comes up isn't important to have. Still, no one can take away my fears. Only I can.

The "trick" is to go through the situation and to confront the anxiety, to adjust the elements that can be changed and to accept and get used to those parts of the challenge that can not or from a long-term perspective should not be changed. Again there is a parallel to spanking. A very severe scene can easily break a bottom who is unprepared and starts panicking, having the feeling of not being able to take it. But, if one manages to adjust some parameters to fit one's personal limits and if one gets used to the intensity of the strokes and begins to believe that one can take them, even a severe, painful beating can be a very empowering experience.

When Ludwig left, it wasn't easy for me. I couldn't eat more than just a few bites that day. But we had a wonderful walk (physical exercise is crucial when fighting a depressive mood) during which we talked about our future which gave me a new perspective and hope. I managed to send Ludwig on his way without shedding a tear. Even though I neither slept very well nor very long, I made it through the following night without calling Ludwig. We only exchanged e-mails because he arrived at home very late at night and we only talked on the phone more than 24 hours after Ludwig had left. Despite of my physical state, I also managed to fulfill all my job duties and I didn't have another anxiety attack since then. I am proud of this because it tells my that all the work that I put into learning to know myself and my needs better finally starts paying off. I will most probably have to deal with anxiety time and again for my whole life. But chances are good that we are only talking about certain (and hopefully short) periods here.

After my anxiety attack the night before he left, Ludwig mused that for some "daddy" tops the idea of taking care of such a shaky, tearful, helpless-looking bundle like me at that time surely would have a great appeal. To be honest, I am happy that Ludwig is not one of those tops. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if my vulnerability in such a moment has a certain appeal for Ludwig and I don't mind if it awakens his protective instincts. But I am glad that Ludwig is the kind of guy who understands that I have to stand up for myself and confront my fears and that I should not rely on him to take care of everything for me in such a situation. I don't need a white knight in shining armour who solves the issue for me. I need a companion who helps me put on my own armour and improve my own fighting techniques. I think that's a huge challenge because in my view, men are usually trained to "solve" a problem rather than remaining passive and lending an ear for difficult and long talks.

Ludwig willingly accepts that challenge, though, and I am both very lucky and glad to have a man like him. I am also happy that I am feeling better right now. But I am aware that the fears will most probably come back from time to time during the upcoming months. If that happens, it will feel like the darkness is going to last forever. But it won't. And one day the anxiety related to the current situation will be gone for good. I hope that day will be soon and I am confident that I can make it happen.

In the meantime you might hear a bit less from me since I am extremely busy and sometimes rather tired. Ludwig offered to support me by blogging more regularly, which will be great for the blog. I already very much enjoyed his post about the prisoner's dilemma.

Apart from that, all that can be done is laughing about certain aspects of this situation. Because some of the ideas on how to deal with anxiety attacks are actually really hilarious if one imagines that one would follow them in a public environment, for instance at work. For example, one advice is to touch an object that has a pleasurable and soothing haptics. I couldn't help imagining what co-workers might think of a business colleague who suddenly starts cuddling and petting a stuffed animal at work! Another advice which made Ludwig and me laugh: Turn on some music, clap your hands to the rhythm of the beat and sing along. Doesn't that sound like a great advice for a business meeting?

The truth is, anxiety sucks. But a good laugh is what makes life worth living!

One final thought: Today is Mother's Day in Germany. Yesterday I put red and white roses on my mum's grave. Her much too early death was the most horrible experience in my life so far. As I already told you, my mother was a wonderful woman. She also was very strong and she taught me to believe in myself and to accept myself the way I am. It's incredibly sad that she is gone and I miss her immensely. But I am lucky in that she helped me to become strong enough to even be able to live without her being around (at least not physically, she will of course always be in my heart). So, let me end this very personal post by saying: Thank you, Mum, for having been such an incredible person and mother!

Kinky Slogans

Some time ago, Hermione introduced a very interesting tool on her blog. The so-called Sloganmaker turns any word into a catchy advertising slogan. Of course I had to try it, using kinky words. Not all the standard ones, though, but certain aspects of kink which are especially important to me. Sloganmaker created some really funny results. Here are a few of them (together with some additional comments from me):

Don't play with fire, but play with canes. - Where exactly is the difference, at least for the one on the receiving end?

Bondage - The place of happiness for everyone. - Well, maybe not for everyone, but at least for me.

Visualize perfection. Visualize tops. - Isn't that sweet? I am sure that some tops even really believe that one!

Switching - Your personal entertainer. - Indeed, what could be more entertaining than getting it all?

M/M the real dream. - Yup, I often dream of M/M!

And, last but not least, my personal favourite:

There is no life without domcat. - And this lucky little dachshund is very happy to share her life with her beloved domcat Ludwig.

So, how about you? What is your very personal kinky advertisement slogan (created either by Sloganmaker or yourself)? Please share your slogans in the comment section if you like!

Your Questions Answered

March is Q & A month in blogland and so we asked our readers for questions in this post. Thank you very much to everyone who participated! Here are our answers to your questions:

Joey asked: Kaelah, What is on your kinky bucket list? And, have you shared your desire with Ludwig?

Kaelah: One thing on my bucket list is a role-play that involves cross-dressing and in which I am being spanked as a boy / young man. Preferably in a naval setting by a commanding officer, either with a cane or with a whip. This is one of my most precious fantasies. There are two problems, though: First of all, we would need the right outfit. Secondly, Ludwig and I are not very experienced role-players and thus I am a bit scared that the role-play couldn't live up to my high expectations. Ludwig knows about my fantasy, but we decided to wait until we have enough time to prepare such an elaborate scene properly.

Prefectdt asked: You both travel or are travelled to in order to play. Do you find that this lessens or heightens the desire to play? Which of you two prefers to be the traveller, when you get together to play?

Kaelah: I think living in a long-distance relationship rather lessens my desire to play. The reason is that when Ludwig and I get together, having the chance to play is far from the most important thing that is on my mind. We don't travel in order to play, we travel in order to share our lives with each other. During the times that we have together, we try to do all the things that other couples share on a daily basis. Talking about our daily life and our future, going on excursions, eating together, sleeping next to each other, cuddling, visiting friends and family members, watching TV, listening to music and all that kind of stuff. Kink is just a very minor part of that, and since our time together is limited and almost everything has to be planned in advance, I often find that I haven't got enough room in my mind to, for instance, plan any elaborate spanking scenes as well. Of course it depends on the general stress-level and mood, though. Sometimes not being able to see each other on a daily basis can also heighten the anticipation, especially when we manage to plan a more elaborate scene on the phone in advance.

Ludwig: I feel similar to how Kaelah does. I don't think that being in a long-distance relationship lessens or heightens the desire to play as such. But it means that, because you have less time together, you don't have as many opportunities to give in to the desire when it spontaneously arises. Most of the bigger play sessions Kaelah and I do together are planned in advance, and when it comes to those, being in a long-distance relationship can actually heighten the anticipation.

Julia asked: Trying not to be a buzzkill, but do you guys worry about people recognizing you? Or posting pics of you in general? That is what I am constantly worried about. Like my picture being downloaded from all around the world is kind of a scary thought. And Ronnie added: I was thinking the same as Julia. Do you worry about being recognised?

Kaelah: The short reply to the question is: Yes, I do worry about being recognized, at least from time to time, as I already mentioned in my post A Past and Future Secret. But for me, the positives of shooting and posting pictures and clips by far outweigh the risks. First of all, Ludwig and I met through his clip-making activities. Secondly, I get a lot out of posting pictures and clips and the positive feedback that we get. I very much prefer pictures and clips in which I can see facial reactions, and so showing my face is the only way for me to do this the way I want to. I don't know whether I would have decided to show my face, though, if Ludwig hadn't already done that when we met. But since he had, I wanted to be a full part of this, which also meant showing my face.

Ludwig: Publishing pictures and videos was a choice I made very early in the life of this blog. I knew that it entailed certain risks, but I consciously and willingly took those risks because for me, they were outweighed by the joy of doing something creative and exciting together with friends from the Scene like Niki Flynn. When Kaelah and I met and we became a couple, she consciously and out of her own initiative made the same decision, because she wanted to fully share in what I did on the blog instead of being the faceless girlfriend. I don't worry too much about being recognised. There are spanking models whose pictures and videos have been seen by many more viewers than ours, and to my knowledge, nobody has ever been recognised by a random stranger on the street.

Lea asked: What is your favourite flower?

Kaelah: I don't have a favourite flower, although I like roses very much (who doesn't?). If I can choose, I prefer a mixed bouquet, for instance roses, gerbera daisies (preferably in red, orange and yellow) and some green plants as fillers.

Ludwig: I don't have a particular favourite flower. I like the colourful variety of flowers on a wild meadow that has been left to itself, with no human meddling.

Lea's second question was: Have you ever run into a vanilla acquaintance at a kinky event? If so, how did you handle it?

Kaelah: I haven't ever run into a vanilla acquaintance at a kinky event. The closest I came to it was when a vanilla (or maybe not so vanilla) friend who knew that I was into some kind of fetish, but did not know exactly which one, suddenly asked me whether Ludwig and I would visit the Bound Con, too. Finding out that my friend was going there as well was a nice, if unexpected revelation! We have never actually managed to meet each other at the convention, though, since we always went there on different days.

Ludwig: My circle of vanilla acquaintances is pretty small, as is my circle of kinky acquaintances. In both realms, I value quality over quantity. As well as that, Kaelah and I don't go to many kinky events. So, the chance of me running into a vanilla acquaintance at a kinky event is almost zero.

Annapurna asked: How do you handle unfair criticism from readers?

Kaelah: We are fortunate in that we usually don't have to deal with unfair criticism from readers. In the few cases in which unfair criticism comes up, we try to politely clear things up. Because often things turn out to be simple misunderstandings. That can easily happen in written communication. In the rare cases when people misinterpret our politeness as weakness and become even more aggressive, we still try to remain calm but draw a clear line at the same time. Like I did in my post I'm Not Gonna Take It. Fortunately, we haven't ever experienced a situation like that again after I had written that post.

Ludwig: We have a very classy core readership on our blog. On the rare occasions when we have trouble with someone, it is almost never a regular commenter, but a passerby who obviously does not know the blog very well and is only looking to do some trolling and pick a fight. These people disappear as quickly as they appear, and I do not waste my time thinking about them.

MasonPearson asked: Kaelah - are you finding that your kink is increasing/reducing or evolving in any particular direction? can you imagine going back to vanilla?

Kaelah: I think my kink is evolving in the direction that I enjoy switching more spontaneously and topping Ludwig in smaller scenes which aren't planned much in advance. Which doesn't mean that my bottom side becomes less important, though. I very much enjoy the balance of the two. As for going back to vanilla: I can't imagine doing that because I have been kinky for as long as I can remember. I just didn't live out my kinky fantasies because I hadn't found the right partner, yet.

Bob S asked: I have to believe the mood is very different when you are by yourselves and when you are being filmed. Am I correct?

Kaelah: Yes, that is indeed correct. Our private play is more intimate and often more sexual than what we do on camera. The camera makes the setting more formal, which I enjoy very much as well, though. But when we are being filmed (or filming ourselves), the focus is more on creating a good film and less on enjoying the scene while it is happening. On the other hand, the creative act of making a clip adds a different kind of fun and excitement that definitely makes up for the loss of intimacy and direct erotic pleasure.

Ludwig: The mood is different mainly in that there are more things to keep track of when filming, and thus more things on your mind. Handling the equipment, having a look at the footage we just filmed, maybe repeating a shot of us talking - that kind of stuff. During the spanking action itself, I find that the mood, at least for me, is not all that different from what it would be like if we were doing a spanking in private. It's the stuff around that, when we are handling the equipment, that is different.

Donpascual asked: I once had a spanking partner I met on weekends. I had to travel 700 km roundtrip. We kept this up for two years. Question: How far have you, respectively Ludwig to travel?

Kaelah and Ludwig: We actually have to travel more than that! We take turns travelling, so that neither of us has to travel several times in a row.

BDSM - Erotic Spanking - DD

In the newest edition of her Monday Morning Fika, Ana welcomed Fabian Black (aka Libby), author of M/M DD fiction as her guest. As you know, I am always thrilled to read about the topic of M/M on a blog which isn't exclusively for male gays, since I am of the opinion that the spanking community isn't inclusive enough when it comes to M/M.

In her guest article, Fabian Black raised a very different question, though, which was also discussed vividly in the comment section. I wanted to write a comment, too, but finally decided to publish a full blog post about the topic instead. It deals with the question about the relationship between BDSM, erotic spanking and domestic discipline.

Among other things, Fabian Black wrote: "In my opinion, which doesn’t stand for much I grant you, stories featuring DD tend to get less respect and have a lower profile than almost any other kind of fiction. It doesn’t matter what the pairing is, be it M/F, M/M, F/F or F/M, if it contains domestic discipline then it’s viewed with a faint derision. BDSM is considered the pinnacle of power exchange fiction. It gets a much higher profile and is somehow legitimised by its clear sexual focus and content, perhaps because society as a whole is more sexualised than it has ever been. Sex sells. BDSM has lots of sex. In comparison DD stories seem to be considered not just as a poor cousin to BDSM, but a relative so far removed they might as well be in exile."

I find Fabian Black's comment about the different profiles of BDSM and DD stories very interesting, because I often have the feeling that in parts of the spanking and in the very big DD blogging community, it is exactly the other way round. Spanking as a matter of discipline or at least pure discipline and erotic spanking is fine whereas BDSM is something people don't want anything to do with because it has a negative connotation for them, supposedly being all about strange fetish sex and leather and chains. That is just a side note and not the main point of today's post, though.

In the final paragraph of her post, Fabian Black concluded: "I don’t consider myself to be a writer of erotica, and maybe there are other authors of DD that feel the same way. I write literary fiction that just happens to feature elements of discipline and while it has some sensual elements it doesn’t fit the recognised criteria for erotica and certainly not for BDSM. If a reader finds a book listed under BDSM or spanking erotica then they’re going to expect certain things, such as leather scenarios along with whips and chains and other toys, and sex, lots of it, in amazing detail. BDSM is sex oriented, erotica is sex oriented. My stories don’t fit in those boxes because they don’t focus on sex and nor can they be crammed into the straightforward vanilla romance box, because of the discipline element. DD is kind of out on a limb. It’s a shame. There’s BDSM, there’s erotic spanking and then there’s DD fiction. Each has their own merits, but they’re essentially different things and deserve their own niche."
 
Renee Rose also highlighted the difference which she sees between BDSM and spanking / DD in her comment: "so great to read about M/M DD and I also seek to distinguish spanking from BDSM fiction. I find sometimes that BDSM readers don’t “get” discipline. As a spanko, I find it strange to hear that there are spankos out there who struggle with discipline vs erotic spanking. I’m way more turned on by discipline, but that’s the funny part isn’t it? I’m more *turned on* by it, so there’s pretending it isn’t sexual."

The thing is, I am a spanko who (in a certain way which I am going to explain in more detail) doesn't "get" the discipline aspect, either, and feels closer to the world of BDSM than to the world of DD. In my view, erotic spanking and DD are two very different things, not necessarily when it comes to the fantasy aspect, but certainly when we are talking about real life concepts. Like Renee Rose, I enjoy those fictional scenarios the most which are purely formal and don't contain any vanilla sex. Like her, what I enjoy about the stories or videos, though, is that they turn me on. So, in the end, it is all about sex. Which is not (necessarily) the case when it comes to real DD (not fun discipline role-playing), as Fabian Black pointed out in her post.

Now, first of all, even my fantasies usually don't involve domestic discipline. I normally prefer my fantasy characters to have a rather formal relationship, like teacher/student or captain/cadet. And I like the power exchange to be only temporary. For instance, the captain who disciplines a cadet once was a cadet himself, and subjected to the same kind of discipline, and he knows that some day in the future his protégé will be a leader in charge of the next generation of cadets. When it comes to couples and spanking, I prefer erotic spankings or scenarios which involve switching rather than a permanent power dynamic. So, even my spanking fantasies don't really fit to the typical DD scenario, even though I like formal scenarios and discipline settings.

When it comes to the real thing, the gap gets even wider. Because the idea of real life discipline in a partnership has about as much appeal to me as, for example, the idea of a real school in which consenting adults are subjected to CP for discipline reasons. The concept of consensual CP for real transgressions and discipline reasons in a love relationship completely escapes me, given my own needs, preferences and view on love relationships. I plan to write a separate post covering that subject in more detail one day. But in short, the idea of suffering in order to be released from feelings of guilt doesn't go together with my personal ideal of unconditional self-love and self-forgiveness which I am trying to achieve. And since I am highly intrinsically motivated, I can not relate to the idea of needing to be externally motivated to do things which are good for me through the threat of punishment, either.

The different attitudes also show when it comes to the typical male and female roles in relationships (or stories) which feature a (male) head of household. There was another post on Ana's blog a while ago about feminism and (M/F) DD, written by Cara Bristol. Among other things she wrote: "But getting back to M/F couples, even those spouses with the most egalitarian marriages still follow some traditional gender roles. Look at couples driving down the highway. Who’s usually behind the wheel? The man. Which gender usually stays home with a sick child? The woman. Who is considered the primary wage earner? The husband. What does the bride get at her shower? Gifts for the home or sexy lingerie. What does the groom get at his bachelor party? Drunk. When a woman has a high-powdered, high-paying career she usually marries a spouse with the same. She does not seek out a trophy househusband. […] And even though I’m a feminist, I like strong, macho aggressive men. And I damn sure like reading about them. As a fantasy, being swept off one’s feet by and surrendering to a strong, macho guy ranks pretty high on the list. Because a little tiny part inside wants to be cared for. Wants that Cinderella story."

I had to smile when I read Cara Bristol's little list because not a single point she mentioned (which, as I agree, are still quite common even today) applies to Ludwig and me. And I am neither into macho men, nor do I dream of being Cinderella. That said, I very much like the idea of having a strong, highly intelligent, independent knight at my side. It's just that I don't want to be the princess whom he rescues. I want to be his companion. I definitely expect my partner to catch me if I fall. But I want that to be mutual. That's why neither the stereotypical M/F DD fictional story nor the accounts written by real life M/F DD couples have all too much in common with my life or my kinky fantasies.

The same goes for the F/M variant, because I absolutely can't imagine to live in a relationship in which I am in charge all the time. I want a partner who follows his goals and treats me kindly without any need to be externally motivated. I neither want to be a permanent caretaker, nor do I want a man whose biggest pleasure is to serve me and submit to me.

That's why I, as a fan and practitioner of erotic spanking / CP, feel closer to the wider world of BDSM than to the world of (real life) domestic discipline. Of course I know that there are many spankos who practise both, erotic spanking and real life discipline, and I often have fantasies and interests in common with them. But the world of pure domestic discipline doesn't seem to have much in common with my very personal world of erotic spanking. While they both involve spanking / CP, the philosophies as well as the fantasies and / or life-style choices behind them are very different in my view.

Catspace And Dogspace

(Kami looks like she is in subspace in this scene. Maybe the top is in topspace as well? Picture courtesy of Northern Spanking.)

In the kinky community, there is an ominous thing called subspace. The term refers to a state of mind which some bottoms reach after an intense scene that goes along with an endorphine rush. Those who have been there describe subspace as a place of bliss, happiness and lightness, of being at peace with the world and oneself. From what I have read, for instance on Erica's, Alex's or Lizzie and Craig's blog, it seems to me that the most common way to enter subspace is a long scene which reaches a certain level of intensity, at least in the end.

Since I am a control freak and since Ludwig prefers rather short scenes, I have never been there. I think the closest I got to subspace was during our very first play session and after my two severe canings. Ludwig usually does rather short but severe scenes as a bottom as well, and he is as much a control freak as I am, so he has never experienced subspace, either. I would love to try it, though, and asked Ludwig for an intense scene involving a one hour spanking with increasing severity, like the ones others often write about. Ludwig told me that he is fine with the idea, as long as I am okay with him reading a book while he is spanking me. Har har!

Which brings me to another question. Do you think that there is something like topspace, too? As I already said, the prospect of dishing out a long spanking using a variety of different implements doesn't hold much appeal for Ludwig. He enjoys short sharp shock scenes, but he doesn't think that he would go into any kind of topspace during a longer scene. It would just become repetitive and boring. The closest Ludwig ever came to an endorphine high as a top was at, or rather, after his Mood Pictures shoot and during our first play together. This obviously wasn't so much due to the action scenes, though, at least not due to the action alone. At the Mood shoot, it was the whole surreal experience of shooting a severe spanking video for an Eastern European producer that caused an endorphine rush. In our scene, it was the long preparation paying off, and the whole beautiful atmosphere and personal chemistry.

For me, the idea of a long scene as a top holds a certain appeal, though. And I think I can reach a certain state of mind when topping which could be called topspace. The first time I topped Ludwig on camera together with Leia-Ann Woods, I went into a very calm and at the same time positively excited state of mind during the whipping. And when I topped Pandora Blake in "Psychic Weapon C", a part of my mind went into the deliberating mindset of the soulless goon I was playing. This wasn't so much due to the action, though, it was due to the role I was playing. And of course, one part of my brain always remained focussed on Pandora's well-being, the interaction with Ludwig, Tom and Pandora and the camera.

(Catspace. Picture found on Wikipedia.)

There are two more states of mind, though, which are so genuinely linked to our personalities that Ludwig and I can enter them almost effortlessly. It only takes very simple triggers for us to get there. Ludwig's favourite relaxing headspace can be called catspace. I can get him there either by offering delicious food (then Ludwig gets that dreamy "tomcat got milk" look on his face) or by massaging his head. The latter makes him purr instantly. My natural relaxing headspace is the dogspace. Of course, good food works here as well. What is even better, though, is being tickled and groomed, especially when the attention is focussed on my arms, back, legs or feet. That gets me into happy dachshund mode (including happy dachshund sounds) within seconds.

How about you? Have you ever experienced subspace? What does it take for you to get there? Do you think that there is a thing like topspace as well? Have you been there? And do you have another special relaxing mindset, too? How would you call it? We are curious to hear about your experiences!

(That's how fast I run when I see a chance of being tickled and petted. Picture found on Wikipedia.)

On a side note: We might not be able to publish your comments as quickly as usually during the next week, so please be a bit patient. Enabling the moderation function was necessary because the spam attacks became so intense that more and more spam comments made it on the blog. With the help of the moderation function we can avoid that while at the same time making sure that you don't have to deal with any captchas when commenting.

Freedom of Choice

A few days ago, I had a very strange dream. I was going to school again. The school didn't look anywhere like the real schools I went to, though, and I was still the person I am today with all my experiences and knowledge. But the strangest thing was the sports test which awaited me at that school. It consisted of a 15 strokes caning which one had to endure with a peeled rattan cane! Each stroke one took led to a better final mark.

Now, in a way one could say that this must be a dream scenario for me. An at least semi-consensual scene (one could of course refuse to take a single stroke and instead accept a bad mark), and not about punishment but about endurance and bravery. My mind didn't process the scenario like a kinky fantasy, though. Instead, it felt to me like a real vanilla incident. There was no real action in this dream, either. I just saw the cane lying there and contemplated what to do.

I wasn't always good at sports, even though I tried very hard. So, my first thought was of course that I had to take all 15 strokes in order to get a good mark. Besides, I had done much more challenging 50 stroke canings. And I couldn't let my vanilla classmates beat me in my very personal discipline, in my personal lifestyle. The first strokes couldn't be so severe, anyway, I thought - after all, they had to assume that the recipients had never been caned before.

Despite of all these motivating thoughts, however, I was scared. This was nothing I really wanted to do. I had to do it in order to avoid a bad mark and the feeling of having screwed it all up. Theoretically I had a choice, but not accepting the caning would have had negative consequences. I knew that I would do it because the consequences of not doing it seemed worse than the potential negative experience which the caning could bring. I also knew that I might not stop it, even if the experience should turn out worse than I thought. Because giving in would have made me feel worse than pushing myself through the negative experience. Knowing that I might not respect my limits because of the pressure that was put upon me from my environment and, even more, the pressure I put on myself made the situation even more scary.

Of course my dream wasn't realistic at all, but it reminded me of some situations which we can come across in the kinky community where the question of whether one is really giving one's free consent is more complex than it might look like at first sight. Situations in which we theoretically have the freedom of choice, but social or personal pressure does make saying no difficult because there might be negative consequences with that decision.

Let me just mention a few examples to illustrate what I am talking about. Probably the most common situation is when someone is asked to play at a spanking party, but doesn't really want to, for instance because of having played so much already and being tired or maybe because he or she doesn't feel completely comfortable with the person who is asking or with the kind of play that person prefers or maybe just because not being in the right mood for play right at that moment. How easy is it to say no in such a situation? Especially if the person in question isn't any kind of weirdo, but maybe a very nice person whom one likes on a personal level and whom it has taken a lot of courage to ask that question.

Or how about a play situation in a group of friends, during which one of them suddenly realizes that this isn't going in the right direction and starts feeling bad while the others seem to be enjoying the scene a lot. Adele once wrote about that topic in the context of using safewords. Who would really plug up the courage to safeword in such a situation and potentially ruin the scene for their friends? Joining a spontaneous scene at a party and suddenly realizing that a person one doesn't want to play with is joining in as well could be another critical situation.

Situations like that can not only occur at parties or during scenes with friends, though. They can also happen in relationships. The situation one can most easily think of is when one partner is in the mood for kinky play and the other is not. Or when one partner realizes during a scene that he or she doesn't feel good with how the scene turns out. There is another example, though, about which I have been thinking for quite a while now. I am planning to discuss the following example in more detail in a separate post one day, but I want to give it a short mention here because in my opinion it fits very well.

When I read M/F domestic discipline blogs, what strikes me is that it often seems to be the women who come up with the idea of establishing a head of household. They often seem to be the ones who tell their husbands that they need a strong leader and want them to take over. Now, Ludwig has been in the role of a mentor with a kinky friend once for only about half a year and he told me that having to be in control all the time was eating up all his energy after a while. Which fits to my observation that there are lots of complaints by women living in M/F domestic discipline relationships about their husbands not managing to keep up the role of the always-in-control head of household all the time and not being consistent and consequent in their behaviour. Now, my opinion is that no one can be a leader 24/7 without suffering from burn-out sooner or later. Still, many men seem to accept becoming the head of household at their wives' request, even though that position seems to cost them a lot of energy. The question that comes up then, is, how big is their freedom of choice here really? I mean, which husband who truly loves his wife would refuse to help her when she tells him that she needs him to take over (often in order to save their relationship)? Especially since many women in M/F domestic discipline relationships admit to losing their respect for their husbands when they don't act like the head of household, a role which in several people's opinion is a "natural" or maybe even "God-given" one. In my view, this puts a huge social pressure on men to accept this role, even if they wouldn't have chosen it on their own.

And last but not least, there is of course the professional spanking and film-making business. How about a model who absolutely isn't in the right mood for a certain scene at the day of a shoot? Or a professional spanker or spankee who has a session with a client and finds out that she (or he) absolutely doesn't feel comfortable with that client? At which point does one cancel a professional contract?

I guess one can think of many more possible examples. My dream was very realistic in one way. I am very scared of getting into a situation kink-wise where I don't really feel up to a certain kind of play or experience, but can't easily say no. That's why I, for instance, generally inform people in advance that I usually don't play with anyone except Ludwig at parties. That way I can take my time without disappointing anyone's expectations. And on the rare occasions where I am in the mood for a group play, I can still join in later if the others are okay with that. The fear of having to do something kink-related which isn't my cup of tea or without being in the right mood also affects my video-making. It is one of the reasons why I could never become a paid spanking model and why it is very important for me to talk about all scenes and limits in advance on the rare occasions in which I participate in making planned spanking clips that are more than just private fun clips featuring Ludwig and myself only.

How about you? Is freedom of choice as important for you as it is for me when it comes to spanking and kinky experiences? And have you been in a situation where it was difficult for you to say no? I am curious to hear about your opinions and experiences!