Kaelah's Corner (Nov 2019): An Unexpected Finding

I'm still in the process of sifting through my parents' legacy. With the two little ones, my job and all the other regular duties it will probably take me two or three more years to sort everything out properly and decide what to do with every little piece.

A few weeks ago I looked through old papers, from medical bills to old sports club magazines dating back to the Seventies. There was a kind of yearbook from an advanced training course, too, made by the participants as a memento when the course was over. I screened through the magazine and saw that it contained some cartoons about life as an office worker, too.

One of them caught my attention. It was definitely kinky (plus M/M!) and I absolutely hadn't expected to find something like that. I've scanned it in order to show it to you:

It says: „You're late again, Mr Bachmann. Now I have to make an example of you!“

I thought it was a cute little finding! And of course I wondered who had decided to put it in the yearbook. Maybe a like-minded kinkster?

Sucking the Boss Cock

Recently we had a music industry scandal in Germany, involving a music award and some rappers. I don't want to go into any details here, but the reason I am telling you about this is that it inspired Ludwig to look at some German rap lyrics (he doesn't usually listen to that kind of music).

He told me later how dumb he found many of them. There was one line which was so ridiculous that he kind of liked it, though, because it made him laugh. In one of his songs, one rapper fantasized that his bitch (or however he might choose to call the love of his life) should suck the "boss cock" (which apparently is the nickname for his little willy).

The line was so over the top that it sounded quite funny. What made it even weirder was the fact that the line itself was in German, but contained the wonderful phrase "boss cock" in English! For me it would be really hard to take a guy seriously who talks like that, but I am afraid the creator of this line might actually believe that it sounds ultra hard and cool...

However, his discovery obviously triggered Ludwig's fantasies. When we were about to have some fun one evening, he told me in his tongue-in-cheek way: "So, come on now, suck the boss cock! I bet you would enjoy that, wouldn't you?"

That was the point were the difference between rapper fantasy and reality set in, though! Because his words did not, actually, result in the desired action, but in me pulling Ludwig over my knee, taking down his pants and spanking his naked bottom with my hand, making him squirm. I love that I can create reactions from him with a hand spanking, given that Ludwig can take a severe caning rather stoically! He always tells me that he doesn't know why my little hands (I really have to take children's sizes when I buy gloves) feel like iron. I took my time and continued until my hand hurt quite a bit as well.

After I was done and Ludwig's backside had a nice red glow (just like my hand), I made of course sure that Ludwig got some pleasure, too. After all, I am no big mean rapper lady who refers to her private bits as her boss pussy and believes that her guy should only serve her. But unfortunately for Ludwig (to be honest, I think he is quite happy about that), I am not very submissive, either, and so I prefer to give my husband pleasure under my conditions and not because I'm told to suck the boss cock.

Kinks That Don't Fit

Ludwig and I were both in the bathroom after a busy day. We were standing at the sink in front of the huge mirror. As he sometimes does when we are both exhausted and preparing for bed, Ludwig began to gently scratch my shoulders and back. I really love that (I have to admit that being softly scratched and tickled for me is almost better than sex) and instantly began to purr.
 

"You are my little tickle slut, aren't you? You'd do everything for me when I am scratching your back, right?" Ludwig asked. Then he grabbed my hair and neck with one hand while still gently scratching me with the other. "Look in the mirror and see how I am scratching you," Ludwig commanded, "look closely, do you see it?" "Oh, yes," I replied in my best spanking porn voice, "I love it when you pet me so dominantly!"

That was the moment when we both burst out laughing. "Okay," I stated, "it seems that some kinks don't fit together very well." - "But," Ludwig replied, "if we can think of it, there is a chance that someone is actually into doing it." I don't know how big the probability is of meeting someone who is into being petted in a dominant way, but I guess Ludwig is right and there might indeed be kinksters whose core fantasy is exactly that.

Still I think it's a difficult combination. Ludwig and I at least don't manage to combine gentle scratching (which makes me melt and relax) with kinky dominance (which makes me hot if it is the right kind of dominance)! But it was really funny to play with the idea! It made me wonder if there are other funny kinky combinations one might think of.  Ideas, anyone?

It's No Fun

It's no fun. But what would our children think of us otherwise?

As this cartoon which I have found on Spiegel Online shows, life has become tough for vanillas nowadays. Of course this is just a funny exaggeration. Still, I have to admit that I indeed preferred the times when kink was simply something for those who were really into it...

Laughing About Fanaticism

This might be the strangest combination of labels that we had on this blog, ever. Because today's post is a follow-up piece on our post Nous Sommes Charlie which contains both a more personal comment from me on freedom of speech and some dark kinky humour.

I have to admit that I am a bit reluctant to say about myself that I am Charlie Hebdo, because I am not as brave as those who died in the recent dastardly attack driven by ill-will and blind hatred. The news shocked me and made me incredibly sad. As Ludwig and I already wrote in our recent post, we consider freedom of speech one of the most important human rights and yes, even though some people don't like it, that freedom of speech includes blasphemy.

Unfortunately, this isn't the reality in Germany. We still have a blasphemy paragraph in the German Criminal Code which says: Who insults the content of religious or ideological beliefs publicly or through dissemination of writings in a manner that is likely to disturb the public peace, shall be punished with imprisonment up to three years or a fine. This paragraph means that the caricaturists of Charlie Hebdo could theoretically have been imprisoned according to German law, if only there had been enough religious people going nuts because of their cartoons. As critics have pointed out, this law confuses perpetrators and victims - it defines as the "disturbers of the peace" not those people who respond to religious satire with violence or threats of violence, but the people who created the satire. This is sick and wrong! I hope that this medieval relict will be disposed as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I don't think that this will happen. Conservative politicians in Germany even called for a tightening of the law not too long ago.

On the other hand, fortunately freedom of speech is usually rated higher than claims of blasphemy in the legal practice. For instance, German stand-up comedian Dieter Nuhr was accused of revilement of creeds and religious societies by a German Salafi because of his critical satirical statements about Islam. The public prosecution department decided not to bring a charge against Dieter Nuhr. They stated that what Dieter Nuhr does can easily be recognised as satire and that his works lack any signs of xenophobia.

On the day we published our post about Charlie Hebdo, I once more became aware how lucky I am to live in a land which grants people freedom of speech (even though there is still room for improvement) and where I can write a blog without the fear of being persecuted. Because on that very same day, Saudi Arabian blogger Raif Badawi received 50 whip lashes for "insulting Islam". His "crime": He created an online forum on which people could critically discuss Saudi politics and Islam. His verdict: 1,000 whip lashes, 10 years in prison and a fine of about $ 267,000. The whipping is carried out weekly, so he still has 19 whippings to come, death in small increments.

But, what can we do about oppressive regimes and terrorists? I realised that as someone who lives in a country where I have the important human right called freedom of speech, I shouldn't take it for granted. The first thing I can do is exercise this right and voice my opinion on the matter. For instance, I've already signed Amnesty International's petition for Raif Badawi. Defending freedom of speech also means trying to defend other people's right to put forward their opinions - not just in cases like this, but also and just as much so in cases were I disagree with the opinion being put forward.

The second thing I can do is to see the fanatics for what they are, bullheaded and ridiculous people. When I looked for material for our post about Charlie Hebdo, I was reminded of a clip I wanted to share with you, anyway, because it is a great caricature of the stupidity of terrorism and it even has a brief reference to kink. I think one of the best things to do in times of horror is to laugh into the face of those who try to take our smile away. So, here is a Jeff Dunham video for your enjoyment. If you don't know Achmed the Dead Terrorist already, you can find his introduction video on YouTube.

For those of you who aren't into morbid humour: You are of course entitled to your preferences and opinion. Please don't watch the clip and look for something else that makes you happy! Time is much too short to waste it on things one doesn't like.

Lost in Translation

I recently and purely by accident discovered a Chinese BDSM picture gallery. Well, the pictures are taken from Western BDSM sites, but they were apparently uploaded and shared in a free gallery by a Chinese person. Kaelah and I have been to China, you can read our posts Kinky China (Part 1): The Forbidden City and Kinky China (Part 2): The Great Wall about the (mildly) BDSM-related aspects of our trip. I have always had a great fascination with the country's history and culture, which are among the oldest on the planet. Moreover, it is good to know (and not at all surprising) that there are spanking and CP enthusiasts among the Chinese, too.

The garbled English phrases accompanying the pictures inspired me to write this post. Some of them are short, to the point and entirely correct, like "secretary was punished". Others are unwieldy, but quite understandable, like "the females having their bodies caned". Still others are utterly outlandish and hilarious. I wanted to share my favourites with you, together with the assorted pictures. The pictures are small, but I decided to leave them at the resolution in which they were posted. I will give credit to the original source where I know it.

I would like to point out that it is not my intention to mock this Chinese guy or make fun of him in a mean way. His English is certainly droll, but it is way better than my Mandarin (which only consists of "hello" and "thank you"). So any arrogance on my part is unwarranted. Given how different the languages are structurally, given how difficult it is for the Chinese to learn English (and vice versa), I commend anyone who tries. The aim of this post is to put a humorous spin on language differences and the accidents of translation, not to be mean or condescending towards any nationality or person.

Here are the pictures with the original text in bold and my comments underneath:

"The blonde gets bloody excommunication."

Picture originally from Mood Pictures. I don't recall it having a religious theme. That said, "Bloody Excommunication" is a neat expression. Sounds like it should have been the title of a 1970s exploitation film starring Laura Gemser.

"Calumnious outdoor bullwhipping."

Picture originally from Paingate. I must admit, I had never heard the term "calumnious" before. According to my dictionary, it is synonymous with "defamatory", "slanderous". It certainly does not sound like a word normal human beings would use in conversation. Chinese BDSM picture galleries and obtuse academic treatises are the only places where you will see it. Wait a minute - I don't think normal human beings use the term "obtuse", either!

"Pretty girl restrained over a desk to acquire a brutal hitting exceeding her bared nuisance."

It's not a desk, it's the famous Lupus Pictures bench. Wish I had one. And I have no idea what "exceeding her bared nuisance" is supposed to mean. Exceeding her bare annoying bottom? Exceeding her pain threshold? Anyway, the "pretty girl" in the picture is Niki Flynn in the film Crime and Punishment, reviewed on this blog.

"Spreading shrunken babes pussy for heavy punishing away from whips coupled with crops."

At first sight, that reads like a dish on a Chinese restaurant menu. Shrunken babes pussy! In a hot stew accompanied by tasty crops! Only 30 yuan!

"Hot blonde brutally caned on her unending ripe arse - wise cane stripes."

Well, actually, her arse begins below the lower back and ends above the upper legs, as most arses do. So it is not unending. But I like how that adjective is used as a term of praise here. I also love the "wise cane stripes" - as opposed to, what, "foolish cane stripes"?

"Brutal pompously for a fabulous murk upstairs all fours."

Another Lupus Pictures photo. I can't for the life of me figure out what a "fabulous murk" is supposed to be. If you have any suggestions, let me know. And what does "pompously" have to do with it? And what is going on upstairs? This gets weirder all the time.

"Most severe ass whipping torture for juicy denuded brunette fixed in the whipping bar."

Probably from Paingate. Another wonderful application of an unusual adjective, "denuded". Hey girlfriend, come over here, let's get denuded! On a sidenote, I think "The whipping Bar" would be a great name for a BDSM club.

"Wrapped in tight hemp rope and manufactured to cum."

This reads like product advertising or a description of an industrial process. I like the attention to detail, though: "hemp rope". Not silk, not polyester, but hemp! See, the material is important.

"Juicy blonde is lion-hearted roped mistresses whip smashes into will not hear of in flames swollen clit."

I believe this picture is courtesy of Paingate. I do not see a blonde on it, though, nor a clit, swollen or otherwise. Perhaps that is what the author of the text imagines is about to happen.

"Real fantastic open-air bullwhipping of a hanged up leafless beauty with no keep off non-native someone's skin insulting strokes."

Open-air bullwhipping! What a delightful phrase. Coming to think of it, it sounds so much more exciting than "outdoor". "Skin-insulting strokes" is pretty neat, too. I don't know what "leafless" is supposed to mean here, however.

I must say, the pictures have inducted me into the mood for a brutal hitting on the ripe unending arse of my juicy blonde lion-hearted girlfriend the next time we are together. I want to denude her and keep her in tight hemp rope. Maybe she will return the favour and give me some wise cane stripes as well in the whipping bar, who knows. Then fabulous murk upstairs.

Kinky Places

Hello everybody, I hope you had a wonderful April so far. Ludwig and I shared a quiet, relaxed time  last week, going for walks, eating outside in the sun, chatting and meditating. There was a bit of kinky activity, too, but not all that much.

During one of our day trips to the countryside, though, we were unexpectedly reminded of our kink when we came across the street sign shown in the picture above. I wouldn't have thought that there was a "Kink Lane" anywhere in Germany! That's not all, though. An internet search revealed that there are several streets in Austria named Kinkweg, too. So the one we stumbled upon isn't even the only one of its kind. And obviously Austria has more people following the kinky path than Germany...

Wouldn't it be funny to live in a city or street with a kink-related name? The idea made me look for more street names and town names in Germany and elsewhere which refer to spanking in one way or another. And there are many of them! Here is a short selection of what I have found:

The first category of street and city names in Germany and Austria referring to kink contains words that mean spank, hit or beat. Here we have, for instance, Kloppenburg ("Beating Castle"), Schlagenweg ("Hitting Lane") and, my personal favourite, Prügelgasse ("Thrashing Alley").

Then there are the street and city names referring to implements, such as Stockstadt ("Cane City"), Peitschenweg ("Whip Lane") or Rutesheim ("Birch Home"). They all sound like nice places to live in, don't you agree?

The translation of the town name Gertewitz is bit tricky. Literally it could be translated as "Crop Joke" because Witz in German means joke. In this case the ending -witz has a different meaning, though. It's a Slavic suffix for town names indicating that the town is named after its founder or an important person related to the town. So, apparently, there once was a guy named Gerte ("Crop") after whom this town was named.

My personal favourite in the second category is Rohrstock Weg ("Cane Lane"), though. I wouldn't have thought that there was any road by that name! But, of course, it's the Austrians again who have made this possible. Maybe we should move to Austria? I am sure Ludwig would love to live in a lane named after his favourite implement!

There are two more German language names that I found which are related to kink in a slightly different way. The first one is the name of a city in Austria which is called Strengberg ("Strict Mountain"). And the second one is the name of a German island. It is called Rügen, which also happens to be a wonderful old verb meaning "to reprimand". I am not sure how many Germans have that association when visiting Rügen, but I certainly would have.

Of course, German-speaking countries aren't the only ones with kink-related city and street names. There are quite a few Bottom Streets in the US, there is Birchwood near Manchester in England as well as Whippingham on the Isle of Wight. And, finally, New Zealand even has a Spanking Stream! In other words, our kink is everywhere.

How about you? Would you like to live in a place with a kink-related name? Or would you be afraid to blush every time you have to tell someone your address? And have you come across any funny spanking-related street or city names which I haven't mentioned here? Maybe even in languages other than German and English? Please feel free to share your findings in the comment section!

Looking for...

These are advertisements for a health campaign here in Germany. For those of you who don't have a clue what is going on, the pictures show people looking for their vaccination record.

But honestly, is that the first thought that crosses your mind when looking at the pictures? I certainly have associations of a very different kind...

A nice collection of good-looking female and male bottoms, isn't it? Oh, and the dog is of course cute, too.

Who says that health campaigns can't be fun and nice to look at?!

Kinky Football Training

When Ludwig and I surfed the internet a few days ago, I suddenly spotted a good-looking female bottom covered in beautiful panties somewhere on a news site full of articles. "Wait, what was that?" Ludwig, who had already opened another page, returned back to the main news page where I had seen the picture. And indeed, my eyes hadn't betrayed me.

We took a closer look and it turned out that the picture was part of a short video clip. It shows a special training session of a football team from Belgium which in my opinion is rather kinky. And there's even some M/M action at the end of the clip as Ludwig correctly pointed out. I've found the clip on YouTube and you can watch it below. I find the girls very attractive and think that they provide a good motivation for the team's aiming practice.

Maybe the English national team should use that training method, too? It might increase their chances in penalty shoot-out situations. Alternatively, they could replace their keeper with a sexy British girl for the next penalty shoot-out. Maybe that would entice their opponents to hit the girl's butt with the ball instead of scoring a goal? The training methods of the Tottenham Hotspur youth team don't look really promising, though, methinks. But see and decide for yourself...

Innovative Kinky Equipment Available

I recently came across this wonderful IKEA spoof. KLOPPE (I guess a fitting English name would be something like SMÅCK) is advertised as an "opinion enhancer". The headline asks: "Are you still discussing or already convincing?" KLOPPE is made of solid beech, untreated. It is 70 cm long and has a diameter of 4 cm. In case you have no idea how to use it, the instruction manual below shows you how.

Now that's a helpful piece of furniture, is it not? Plus, there's no difficult installation process necessary and absolutely no danger of any missing screws in the package.

KLOPPE is not the only offer I found which might appeal to kinksters, though. Obviously, IKEA also offers more complex pieces of furniture for kinky play. I have to admit that the colour is not exactly my cup of tea, but it's a great idea nonetheless.

(Image found at Planet Calypso.)

If someone is asking for me, I'm off shopping. My new discoveries have convinced me that IKEA is simply an acronym. I'm sure it stands for "Innovative Kinky Equipment Available".

Red Meat

Red Meat by Max Cannon is one of my favourite comic strips (not a huge accomplishment in itself because I only know a handful of comic strips, but this one is definitely great). It features characters with abnormal personalities telling a weird or disturbing anecdote. My favourite among them is Bug-Eyed Earl, a crazed guy dressed in black and described by Cannon as an "overly-enthusiastic pundit of borderline reality":

Another character is Ted Johnson, a middle-aged man, "devoted husband, father and ardent latex enthusiast". Cannon has said that Ted is based on his own father (must be an interesting family):

However, the comic strip that inspired me to make this post is the following one, which should directly appeal to us as spanking / corporal punishment fetishists. It took me a moment to realise that it is not an original creation of Max Cannon, but fan fiction by an author calling himself The Light In Chains. Here is Earl again:

Yep, that one gave me a chuckle. There are quite a few people making their own comic strips like that with the Red Meat Construction Set, which the original author is apparently happy with. So, if you are feeling creative, why not give it a try (I won't, because comic strips probably aren't my forte and I have too much respect for the discipline to throw together something mediocre).

"The Punishment Room is My Hunting Ground"

Today's post is not for the faint of heart. There is some really ugly stuff ahead. First, I am going to write about football, and then it will get worse. You have been warned.

Football is a subject that seems to come up about once a year on this blog, even though, as I keep affirming time and time again, I am not a football fan. And it's true, I really could not care less about football. One reason is that I don't watch a lot of sports in the first place. Another is that, when I do watch sports, I prefer individual sports to team sports. Yet another is contrariness - the cliché is that all Germans are crazy and knowledgeable about football, so I make a point of being neither. And don't even get me started on the lost football bet that led to me getting thrashed by Kaelah and Leia-Ann Woods...

Having said all that, I don't actively dislike football. It does not interest me, but I don't disdain it, either. Every two years when there is a European Championship or a World Cup, I watch a few matches of the German national team out of a feeling of patriotic duty. Until they inevitably lose in the semi-final or the final, an experience the English fans never have to make because England always goes out earlier.

Because I only watch football every two years, the following tidbit of potential kinky interest had never occurred to me until recently: the penalty area, the rectangular area in front of the goal within which... special rules apply*, is called "Strafraum" in German. Which literally means "punishment room". Even though I am not a football fan, I should have picked up on this earlier. "Punishment room"! How did I manage to miss the obvious kinky vibe of the term for all these years? I have no explanation.

(* In the penalty area, the goalkeeper may handle the ball and a penalty is awarded for a foul by the defending team. I just looked it up, and yeah, I actually knew this. I thought that more extra rules might apply in the penalty area, but apparently, it is only these two.)

What finally made me notice the "Strafraum" thing was reading the newspaper the other day. There was a humorous article about footballers turned singers, a subject as ripe for ridicule as few other human endeavours. I mean, it is such an obvious, easy target, it is almost unsportsmanlike to mock it. Almost, but not quite! So here we go: do any of our British readers remember Head Over Heels in Love by Kevin Keegan? Yes, you guessed right, that is a collaboration with Smokie. It even got to number 10 in the charts in Germany. Who says we Germans don't have a sense of humour? Well, maybe we just have really bad taste.

Actually, that bit of 70s soft "rock" might be pretty bland, but it isn't as outrageously, puke-inducingly bad as some of the other stuff by footballers who could not suppress their lack of musical talent any longer. Franz Beckenbauer's Du bist das Glück ("You Are Happiness") and 1:0 für die Liebe ("1:0 for Love") are proof that even Der Kaiser is capable of the worst blunders. German Schlager music is sappy, sentimental tosh at the best of times, but when sung by a footballer, it becomes a crime against humanity. Do not listen to both songs from start to finish, it will give you brain cancer. Let's move on to something not quite as horrifying. When Jean Marie Pfaff was the goalkeeper for Bayern Munich back in 1984, he put out this little gem: Jetzt bin ich ein Bayer. The music, as one would expect, is utter crap, but the lyrics have some redeeming qualities:

Ich war ein Belgier und jetzt bin ich ein Bayer

Ich trinke Bier und esse Leberkäs' mit Eier

(I was a Belgian and now I am a Bavarian

I drink beer and eat Leberkäse with eggs)

I actually think that is kind of cute. I, King Ludwig of Bavaria, approve this message! But I have tortured you long enough, so let's get to a song that can at least be misconstrued as kinky: in 1997, Austrian striker Toni Polster teamed up with an all-female German pub rock band named Die Fabulösen Thekenschlampen ("The Fabulous Bar Sluts") to record Toni, Lass Es Polstern. The song title is difficult to translate. "Polster" means "pillow", and "polstern" is a new creation of a verb that could be translated as "to pillow". So, you could translate the title as "Toni, let it pillow", or less literally as "Toni, let it rip". Either way, the implication is clear: Toni is not just dangerous on the football field, but with the ladies in the pub as well...

In one line of the verse, he sings: "Der Strafraum ist mein Jagdrevier" ("The penalty area punishment room is my hunting ground"). To which the chorus of the Fabulous Bar Sluts replies: "Komm, Toni, bitte jag mit mir!" ("Come, Toni, please go hunting with me!"). If that isn't kinky, then I don't know what is.

Enough with the punishment. If you have read this post all the way to the end and clicked on more than two of the song links, you are officially a masochist. Congratulations.

Kinky Slogans

Some time ago, Hermione introduced a very interesting tool on her blog. The so-called Sloganmaker turns any word into a catchy advertising slogan. Of course I had to try it, using kinky words. Not all the standard ones, though, but certain aspects of kink which are especially important to me. Sloganmaker created some really funny results. Here are a few of them (together with some additional comments from me):

Don't play with fire, but play with canes. - Where exactly is the difference, at least for the one on the receiving end?

Bondage - The place of happiness for everyone. - Well, maybe not for everyone, but at least for me.

Visualize perfection. Visualize tops. - Isn't that sweet? I am sure that some tops even really believe that one!

Switching - Your personal entertainer. - Indeed, what could be more entertaining than getting it all?

M/M the real dream. - Yup, I often dream of M/M!

And, last but not least, my personal favourite:

There is no life without domcat. - And this lucky little dachshund is very happy to share her life with her beloved domcat Ludwig.

So, how about you? What is your very personal kinky advertisement slogan (created either by Sloganmaker or yourself)? Please share your slogans in the comment section if you like!

Catspace And Dogspace

(Kami looks like she is in subspace in this scene. Maybe the top is in topspace as well? Picture courtesy of Northern Spanking.)

In the kinky community, there is an ominous thing called subspace. The term refers to a state of mind which some bottoms reach after an intense scene that goes along with an endorphine rush. Those who have been there describe subspace as a place of bliss, happiness and lightness, of being at peace with the world and oneself. From what I have read, for instance on Erica's, Alex's or Lizzie and Craig's blog, it seems to me that the most common way to enter subspace is a long scene which reaches a certain level of intensity, at least in the end.

Since I am a control freak and since Ludwig prefers rather short scenes, I have never been there. I think the closest I got to subspace was during our very first play session and after my two severe canings. Ludwig usually does rather short but severe scenes as a bottom as well, and he is as much a control freak as I am, so he has never experienced subspace, either. I would love to try it, though, and asked Ludwig for an intense scene involving a one hour spanking with increasing severity, like the ones others often write about. Ludwig told me that he is fine with the idea, as long as I am okay with him reading a book while he is spanking me. Har har!

Which brings me to another question. Do you think that there is something like topspace, too? As I already said, the prospect of dishing out a long spanking using a variety of different implements doesn't hold much appeal for Ludwig. He enjoys short sharp shock scenes, but he doesn't think that he would go into any kind of topspace during a longer scene. It would just become repetitive and boring. The closest Ludwig ever came to an endorphine high as a top was at, or rather, after his Mood Pictures shoot and during our first play together. This obviously wasn't so much due to the action scenes, though, at least not due to the action alone. At the Mood shoot, it was the whole surreal experience of shooting a severe spanking video for an Eastern European producer that caused an endorphine rush. In our scene, it was the long preparation paying off, and the whole beautiful atmosphere and personal chemistry.

For me, the idea of a long scene as a top holds a certain appeal, though. And I think I can reach a certain state of mind when topping which could be called topspace. The first time I topped Ludwig on camera together with Leia-Ann Woods, I went into a very calm and at the same time positively excited state of mind during the whipping. And when I topped Pandora Blake in "Psychic Weapon C", a part of my mind went into the deliberating mindset of the soulless goon I was playing. This wasn't so much due to the action, though, it was due to the role I was playing. And of course, one part of my brain always remained focussed on Pandora's well-being, the interaction with Ludwig, Tom and Pandora and the camera.

(Catspace. Picture found on Wikipedia.)

There are two more states of mind, though, which are so genuinely linked to our personalities that Ludwig and I can enter them almost effortlessly. It only takes very simple triggers for us to get there. Ludwig's favourite relaxing headspace can be called catspace. I can get him there either by offering delicious food (then Ludwig gets that dreamy "tomcat got milk" look on his face) or by massaging his head. The latter makes him purr instantly. My natural relaxing headspace is the dogspace. Of course, good food works here as well. What is even better, though, is being tickled and groomed, especially when the attention is focussed on my arms, back, legs or feet. That gets me into happy dachshund mode (including happy dachshund sounds) within seconds.

How about you? Have you ever experienced subspace? What does it take for you to get there? Do you think that there is a thing like topspace as well? Have you been there? And do you have another special relaxing mindset, too? How would you call it? We are curious to hear about your experiences!

(That's how fast I run when I see a chance of being tickled and petted. Picture found on Wikipedia.)

On a side note: We might not be able to publish your comments as quickly as usually during the next week, so please be a bit patient. Enabling the moderation function was necessary because the spam attacks became so intense that more and more spam comments made it on the blog. With the help of the moderation function we can avoid that while at the same time making sure that you don't have to deal with any captchas when commenting.

Spanking Haiku

Winter is the perfect time to take a foray into the realms of poetry. Mindful of our educational mandate, Ludwig proposed that we should rejoice our highly esteemed readership with a collection of contemporary haiku, composed by none other than your merry blog hosts themselves:

Frosty winter night.
Young lady by the fireplace -
bottom glowing, too.

New Year's party fun.
Drunk husband tumbles home late,
meets her frying pan.

Domcat majestic,
august ruler of his realm,
drinking tasty milk.

The end of the year,
fireworks illuminating
the whip in your hand.

Last, but not least, a slightly critical view on modern mainstream spanking art:

Naughty boys smoking,
hot female teacher turns up -
ouch, the swishing cane.

With this, today's excursion into the world of spanking haiku comes to a closure already. If any of our honourable readers would like to regale us with their own works, we would be delighted!

Fun With Spam

Since it's almost Christmas, I thought it was time for some lighthearted fun on this blog. So, I've decided to take something that's usually quite annoying – the spam filling our spam folders -, and turn it into something to laugh about, as Hermione already did a while ago. Of course, most spam comments aren't funny (and the amount of spam has become worse, as Our Bottoms Burn recognized, too), but in the context of being posted on a kinky blog, some of them get some very interesting unintended meanings. So, here we go (I left the wording of the comments as it was, including all the mistakes).

At first there are the people who obviously share their kink very open in their families, with friends and even colleagues. Like these guys:

Thanks to my father who stated to me on the topic of this website, this webpage is in fact remarkable. Commented on: Kinky Fantasies: Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler. To be honest, I would be a bit disturbed if my father recommended a kinky website to me, but hey, kudos to the openness in your family!

Wow, this piece of writing is nice, my younger sister is analyzing these things, thus I am going to inform her. Commented on: Hostel II: The Revelations of Guard #3. Okay, so what exactly is your younger sister analyzing: Kinky judicial punishments or the production of spanking porn? Anyhow, she seems to have very fascinating topics of interest and a very open older brother...

Hello there, You've done an excellent job. I'll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I am sure they'll be benefited from this web site. Commented on: Kaelah's Corner (Dec 2011): A Past And Future Secret. Great idea! I mean, whose friends wouldn't benefit from some kinky fun?

An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was performing just a little analysis on this. And he in truth purchased me breakfast due to the fact I located it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to talk about this, I feel strongly about it and love reading much more on this topic. If feasible, as you grow to be expertise, would you mind updating your weblog with much more details? It's highly helpful for me. Massive thumb up for this blog post! Commented on: Kaelah's Corner (Nov 2012): Time Passes By. Okay, your work colleague really performed an analysis on kinky couples (it's fascinating to hear what all those people seem to be analyzing, right?)? And he invited you for breakfast because you told him about this post? Yep, that sounds totally believable, I guess.

Hello there! This blog post couldn't be written much better! Looking through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept preaching about this. I am going to send this post to him. Fairly certain he'll have a great read. I appreciate you for sharing! Commented on: Movie Review: Stalin. Ahem, now I am a bit scared. Your previous roommate really preached about Stalinism? Or was he just a fan of Lupus Pictures? The latter would really put me at ease.

And then we have the people who seem to be very impressed by our blog and our posts. Isn't it nice to get so enthusiastic comments on one's writing?

I love what you guys are up too. This type of clever work and exposure! Keep up the great works guys I've incorporated you guys to my personal blogroll. Commented on: A Blogiversary Spanking. Clever work and, not to forget, a bit of exposure – I would say that's a combination which describes the ambition of our spanking blog quite well (especially regarding a post that includes a kinky video)!

I'm impressed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog that's both equally educative and engaging, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something that too few folks are speaking intelligently about. I'm very happy I found this during my search for something regarding this. Commented on: Where No Man Has Spanked Before. Well, hit is the right keyword, but actually not the nail on the head, just my bottom with his hand. You are right, though, we definitely need more people who talk intelligently about their first-time erotic spanking experiences (especially since we have to make up for some awful BDSM-related trashy literature that has definitely been read by too many people).

Excellent beat ! Ι wish to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could I subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea. Commented on: Holly's Severe Caning. To be honest, I have no idea what the heck you are talking about. But Holly's severe caning definitely was an excellent beat!

Having read this I thought it was extremely informative. I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this informative article together. I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile! Commented on: The Massage Brush. Yes, there is nothing more informative than a post about pervertible massage brushes, is there? I am sure this was definitely worth your time and I hope you will have lots of fun with your own massage brush soon.

Wonderful work! This is the type of information that are meant to be shared across the internet. Disgrace on Google for no longer positioning this publish upper! Come on over and talk over with my site. Thanks =) Commented on: Kaelah's Third Blogiversary. You are of course absolutely right! My blogiversary is such an important event, it should be shared all across the internet. Shame on Google!

It's a pity you don't have a donate button! I'd most certainly donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i'll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group. Talk soon! Commented on: The Final Test: Preparations. You really want to donate money so that we can prepare more kinky porn shoots? Aww, that's sweet. Especially when it's coming from a law firm. Not that there is anything legally wrong about making spanking porn. But still, I don't know many law firms that so openly support the production of kinky porn.

And finally, there are also helpful suggestions for enhancements of our site. Here a typical example:

I believe what you wrote made a ton of sense. However, think about this, what if you composed a catchier title? I mean, I don't want to tell you how to run your blog, but suppose you added something that makes people want more? I mean "Subject: Humiliation" is kinda boring. You ought to peek at Yahoo's home page and watch how they create post titles to grab people interested. You might add a related video or a related pic or two to get people excited about what you've got to say. In my opinion, it could bring your posts a little bit more interesting. Commented on: Subject: Humiliation. Thanks for your wonderful advice! You are of course right, humiliation alone is indeed boring. Would "Humiliated Spam Smart-asses" be catchier in your view? Anyhow, I absolutely agree with you, there is nothing better than a video or some pictures to get readers of kinky blogs "excited". Thank you!

So, that was our little excursion into the world of funny spam. I hope you had a good laugh! I think especially in the hectic time so shortly before Christmas there are lots of things every day which can potentially be annoying. Just like being flooded with spam, as we have been in the recent weeks. I wish all of us that instead of being angry we can take a step back and laugh about the potentially annoying things we are all confronted with every day. Hey, if nothing else, annoying incidents can at least give us fodder for kinky fantasies! I wish you all a relaxed and peaceful preparation of and for the holiday season.

Are All Drummers Kinky?

In order to resume my movie reviews, I obviously need to (re-) watch a movie or two that come under consideration for a critique. This week, I don't have the opportunity to do that in peace and quiet, so I'm going to write a quick, light-hearted post before I get the reviews going again in October.

The in-between post today is one I've been meaning to do for some time, anyway. You see, I'm a fan of The Muppet Show. Especially of Statler and Waldorf, the two grumpy old geezers who heckle the other muppets (and each other) with their spiteful remarks from the balcony. And they always have the last laugh, too. Actually, people who know me have compared me to Statler and Waldorf. But they are being unkind - I am not nearly as grumpy as those two guys. Then again, I am not nearly as old, yet.

But I digress. The trouble is, how do I accommodate The Muppet Show on a spanking blog and make it look at least somewhat on-topic? It took me a while to find a scene which I could deliberately misconstrue as being kinky, but I finally found it. It stars Animal, another one of my favourite characters, and Puerto Rican singer Rita Moreno doing a rendition of "You Give Me Fever". Animal keeps disrupting Rita's composure with his drum fills, until she has finally had enough.

I think it's a hilarious little clip. Anyone who has ever played in any band with any drummer can relate to it. And, yes, I do find that there are points of kinky interest in it. Behold the nice scolding lecture given by Rita to Animal halfway through the clip. It's in Spanish for the most part, a language that in my view has great potential for kinky interaction, with its blend of elegance and fire. Do we have a Spanish-speaking reader who can translate what she is saying? Then, in the end, Rita hits Animal with the clash cymbals, to which he replies: "That's my kind of woman!" Very suspicious. I mean, it could just be an expression of Animal's love for all things drum-related, but maybe there is more to it. Is Animal a kinkster? Kaelah thinks so. Actually, she told me: "All drummers are kinky!" Which is speculation, because she doesn't even know any drummers except the ones I know. None of whom are kinky, to the best of my knowledge.

Are there any drummers among our blog readers who can confirm or disprove the proposition that all drummers are kinky? Well, if you are reading the blog, it means that you are very probably kinky yourself. Otherwise, what are you doing here? But maybe you can comment on other drummers you know.

Six of the Best Search Terms: Volume II

Hi, folks! Time for another look at the strangest search terms which led people to this blog. The first instalment was published quite some time ago and in the meantime, interesting new search terms have shown up. Let's take a look at six of them:

naval cadet spankings floggings canings
Oh yes, in that order please!

darth vader bdsm
That person was obviously wrong on our blog. It's Star Trek, you know? Star TREK, not Star WARS! Sigh. Star Wars is over here.

esthetic spanking blog
This person has obviously found the right place! - What do you mean with "arrogant"???

gluteus maximus spanking
This reminds me of the educational responsibility that goes along with writing a kinky blog or making spanking porn. So, how about changing the vocabulary in kinky stories and clips a bit? Like: "I'm going to flagellate your gluteus maximus with this terginum until you accept me as your prefect!" No?

fuditätsch
A true example for the educational mission and the international flair of this blog! It's a Swiss term related to spanking which was explained by Ursus Lewis in his comment on my post Spanking Terms Around the World. I'm not sure, though, whether being threatened with "fuditätsch" would scare me or make me laugh. The Swiss language is really unique!

why do guys look at spanking porn
Good question! So, welcome to the newest edition of: Ask Ms Kaelah!

Dear Ms Anonymous,
it is indeed quite common for men to look at spanking porn, which means you don't have to worry that anything is wrong with your partner if he is doing it. That your partner watches spanking porn most probably only means that he is a harmless kinky pervert. Try to find out what he likes, exactly, and you might have a lot of unexpected fun in bed (or wherever)! And rest assured that your partner's porn watching activities are neither a threat to your relationship nor a sign that you are in any way imperfect as a woman or lover.

So, just … excuse me for a moment! Ludwig, what the heck are you doing there? Watching one of those five skinny 20-year-old "I don't care about hanging my tits into the camera and showing my private parts" girls in 30 minutes videos from Mood Pictures, huh?! What? Yes, of course, you are just watching it because you promised to write those $%&§!?# movie reviews for the blog again. Hard work, huh? Verbally maybe. Am I not enough for you? What do you mean, I'm hysterical? I AM NOT HYSTERICAL!!! I am only having a bad headache. And this is going to last at least one month, my friend, I can promise you that!

Uhm, where was I? Yes: So, just embrace your partner's openness for sexual kinky adventures. Show him that you don't judge him for watching porn. Only self-conscious, egocentric women would do so. Instead, use your newfound knowledge about your partner's fondness for kinky sex in order to start a new exploration together. Everything will be okay!

Yours sincerely,
Kaelah

Kinky Zoo

A while ago, Ludwig and I visited the local zoo. It was a nice, sunny day and we had a lot of fun, leaving the stress of our everyday life behind. When I read the displayed information about the baboons, the following excerpt caught my attention: "They show a very interesting social behaviour: Pair grooming, yawning and exposing the corner teeth as well as flattening the ears with lifted eyebrows as threatening gestures and the ritualised presentation of their behinds as a welcome gesture and a gesture of submission."

Does that sound familiar to you? The last part I mean. Yep, it seems that baboons and kinksters somehow belong to the same family. Which bottom wouldn't like to walk around with such a nicely coloured behind? The only problem: The poor baboons have bottoms that look like this naturally. So, there is no dedicated spanker needed to make it look shiny red. Which means that the baboons miss out on all the fun.

These monkeys seemed to be very bottom fixated, though. While one of them laid down presenting its behind provocatively, the other couldn't keep its eyes and hands off this fascinating area. Also a quite common behaviour among spankos, isn't it? But apes and monkeys don't seem to be the only kinky animals. Or how would you interpret this posture?

Others animals obviously prefer vanilla sex. Turtles for example. The guy on top gave a very enthusiastic performance, though. I wouldn't have assumed that turtles are capable of showing so much passion!

Who said the zoo is for kids only? Luckily, not all animals are purely sexually driven or even filthy perverts! So, for those of you who are shocked by today's shameless and explicit pictures, here is something especially for you. An innocent little baby duck...

My Favourite Headmaster

When I talked about spanking terms around the world, I told you that I would introduce you to my favourite British headmaster sometime. Despite a famous cliché about Germans, I actually think that many Germans have lots of humour. At least I am a British comedy addict, and so are several of my friends.

Thus, my favourite British headmaster is none other than Rowan Atkinson. So, here it comes. I have to warn you, though. It's very dark British humour and it's not for the faint-hearted. If Pythonesque is rather a warning label for you than a quality indicator, then you better shouldn't watch. You have been warned! Everyone else, please enjoy.

I have the DVD from which this clip is taken at home, and I love all the sketches! In my very first post I already quoted some sentences from another sketch that is part of the same DVD. This one is not about spanking but I am going to share it with you, nontheless, because what is a day without a good laugh or at least a little smile? In my opinion Rowan Atkinson is a genius.

Last but not least, for those of you who are looking for a real spanking clip instead of comedy: Emma Bishop has informed me that her first spanking film in more than two years has been launched. It is called „The PA Presents“ and Emma does not only play the main character, she also produced and directed the film. You can read more about it here.