Bonding in the Kinky (Online) Community

Due to sad recent events, both Mija and Indy have written very interesting posts about the question of ways and rituals to express one's sympathy in the online community, especially when an online friend is grieving for a close family member. When my mother died, I didn't write about it here because I have made the decision to blog about spanking-related topics only. But I e-mailed with some kinky friends about my situation and my feelings, especially with Indy and Peter. And the conversation with both of them meant a lot to me, even though they were far away and we couldn't get together so easily for a personal chat or hug. So, the hugs may have been virtual ones, but the words, the thoughts and the feelings were real. Which is all that matters in my view.

Some time after her death, my Mum played a prominent role in one of my posts, in the context of a philosophical rambling. She had been such a wonderful support at the time I got to know Ludwig and started exploring my kink that I felt she deserved a special post here on the blog. And so I published Does Your Mother Know?, a post about the question whether to tell family members about one's kink. The post was mainly about the special relationship which I had with my Mum and about how she trusted me and supported me in my new explorations, even though the idea of erotic spanking didn't make any sense to her.

I got some very touching comments on that post, some from people with whom I had exchanged lots of thoughts before, like Ursus Lewis, and some from people whom I hadn't ever heard of earlier, like Tina. All of those comments meant a lot to me. And then, for reasons that I don't understand until today, I found out that my post had been Chrossed. I am not sure, but I guess the topic of how much to tell one's family and friends about one's kink somehow raised Chross's interest. Whatever it was that made Chross post a link in his "Spankings of the Week", the fact that lots of people would read about how wonderful and special my mother was moved me a lot.

This all made me think about the more general question of how bonding in the kinky (online) community works and what we are expecting from people whom we meet here. I guess for me the answer is that I only see a very small number of people in the kinky community as really close friends. They are those with whom I not only communicate via blog comments, but also in private e-mails. They are those whom I have met in person, even if long distances make these meetings rare. They are the ones with whom I also exchange more than just kink-related information and thoughts. For me, these are only very few people, though, and I find that absolutely okay. My life consists of so many parts, like work, family life and vanilla hobbies, and kink is only a very small part of it. My life also involves many people, for example my mate Ludwig, my family, work colleagues, vanilla friends and lots of acquaintances, so that my time and energy don't allow me to build up and maintain close friendships with dozens of people in the kinky community.

But still, the people whom I meet through the blogosphere mean a lot to me. I love to exchange thoughts and have fun with like-minded people in the kinky community. That's what I am mainly here for. Most of the people I am in contact with in our community might not be close personal friends but what I would rather call acquaintances. People with whom I exchange thoughts on an irregular basis, mostly in a purely kinky context. People whom I often haven't ever met in person. But that doesn't mean that our talks are meaningless. Quite the contrary, sometimes I can be deeply touched by a comment or a post, even if I don't know the person who has written it very well. And if someone in the community whom I know, even if it is "just" through blog comments, is having a sad time, then every supportive comment or e-mail that I write is heartfelt.

In my opinion, one can only have so many people to whom one feels especially close. At least this is true for me. But that doesn't mean that emotions towards other people are insincere. If I write about something that touches me on this blog, I don't expect others to stop their lives because of it. I don't even expect them to spend lots of time thinking about it. But it still means a lot to me if someone takes a moment or two to write a short reassuring comment or to share his or her own experiences. That's what I am here for.

How about you? What are you looking for in the kinky (online) community? Is it all just about kink and fun? Do the people matter at all? If so, how close are your bondings to your fellow kinksters? Are they close friends or rather acquaintances? And, are your relationships in the kinky community an addition to your vanilla social network or is the kinky community the main network in your life? I'm looking forward to hearing from you!