(The four monkeys. Originally, the three wise monkeys represented virtues in Asia. In the Western world, though, they have become a symbol for turning a blind eye. Picture courtesy of Wikipedia.)
Last Friday, the Russian Lower House, the State Duma, passed with big majority a draft bill at the first reading which is supposed to ban "gay propaganda" towards minors. The law not only constitutes a de facto ban on any public demonstrations for gay rights, gay pride parades, gay film festivals and the like. It means that even giving a health information brochure or an academic textbook mentioning homosexuality to a minor might be viewed as an offence. Conceivably, even a kiss in public could get a gay couple into trouble (after all, there might be children somewhere within viewing distance).
So, the bill is disguised as a measure supposed to protect minors. What it really is about becomes clear when one takes the following numbers into account: a study in 2010 revealed that 74 percent of the Russians who were interviewed deemed homosexuality immoral respectively a mental illness. A study from 2012 showed that 86 percent of the respondents were in favour of a bill against "gay propaganda". The orthodox church plays an important role in the matter, preaching of homosexuality as being sinful.
The Russian enclave Kaliningrad Oblast already has a law that bans "gay, bisexual and paedophiliac propaganda" not only towards children, but in general. The conflation with paedophilia already shows how homo- and bisexuality are seen here, and how they are being criminalised. As if there were no difference between consensual sex among adult men or women and the abuse of minors. Of course, there is no clear definition of what "gay propaganda" even means. Thus, homosexuals can't know what, exactly, could get them into trouble. Two men holding hands in public might lead to an arrest. Not to mention the general risk of being physically attacked by homophobes.
The legal situation in Germany is very different and there is generally a higher acceptance of homosexuality. Even our foreign minister is gay, as is the mayor of our capital city, Berlin. But still, until 1969 homosexual acts between men (it's always just homosexuality between men that seems to be the problem!) was liable to prosecution. And it's only since 1994 that the legal age for sexual acts is the same as for heterosexual sex. Furthermore, the situation seems to be getting worse again in recent years, especially among young people. "Schwul" ("gay") is the most common swearword among German pupils, often used as an adjective in the sense of "bad". Especially young male muslims have prejudices against homosexuals. But it's not only them. Many young homosexuals are scared of outing themselves and of showing their homosexuality in public. Stupid and hurtful comments are common reactions, and sometimes physical violence against homosexuals happens as well.
(My favourite M/M video producer, Spanking Central, recently published a new instalment of the great "Dojo Discipline" series. Picture courtesy of Spanking Central.)
As an avowed fan of M/M spankings, I am convinced that the situation in our community isn't any better. I already wrote a huge post about a discussion on Chross's site about x/M spankings where lots of homophobia showed and about Chross's wonderful decision to open his discussion board to x/M spankings despite of the vocal protests of some readers. In my opinion it is always the same pattern when it comes to M/M and homophobia, only that usually there isn't anyone like Chross who decides to be inclusive despite the protests. When it comes to M/M, you've always got a small but very vocal homophobic minority screaming: "We don't want that! Get it out of this forum / blog / website!" Then you've got some more people who pretend that they aren't homophobes, but support the "We don't want that!" approach arguing that it just isn't their personal preference and that the M/M fans should find another place which is explicitly for M/M spankings. And then there is the huge majority of people who simply watch silently because they don't care about M/M either way.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've said this several times and I say it again: I don't expect others to like M/M spanking or watch M/M clips, never mind participate in M/M play. Everyone has their personal preferences and that's okay. But there is a huge difference between 1) simply having personal preferences and leaving other people to theirs, and 2) campaigning to rid discussion boards or link lists of anything that doesn't match one's personal preferences. The homopobes of the spanking community aren't just not interested in M/M material; they don't want any of it anywhere on the sites they visit.
Kelley recently wrote about a new M/M spanking video producer she likes. The site is called Straight Lads Spanked and features formal spanking scenarios between straight men. Of course, her posts about the site caught my interest because it's always nice for me to see M/M spankings featured on other blogs. In one of her posts, Kelley admitted that she liked the site's approach of using straight guys for formal M/M spankings. One reason she gave was that she isn't sexually interested in gay men and they wouldn't be interested in her, which makes it more difficult for her to relate to them when watching a clip. Another reason Kelley mentioned was that she wants to see asexual discipline scenes and finds those easier to imagine with straight guys. I have to admit that several of Kelley's arguments don't make much sense to me. For instance, the asexual discipline argument would mean that formal M/F scenes should only be filmed with gay and lesbian actors, because only then could you make sure that they aren't into each other. I have never heard anyone suggest that. But still, we are only talking about personal preferences here.
What made me sad, though, was a comment written by Bonnie. She wrote in reply to Kelley's first post about the new site: "You will hear no complaints from me about photos of cute young men. I wasn't aware of this site. As you say, most M/M spanking sites, at least the ones with pictures, seem to progress rather rapidly from spanking to gay sex. Not that that's necessarily bad, but my readers tell me they don't want to see it." And that's exactly the difference between personal preferences and the point where people try to exclude others because their preferences are different from one's own. It doesn't come as a surprise to me that the line is drawn when it comes to sexualised spankings between men, the point when the spanking becomes clearly linked to gay sex.
Now, I have already admitted earlier that I generally prefer formal spanking scenarios without sex, especially in videos, no matter which gender constellation we are talking about. But Bonnie's link list includes lots of blogs and Tumblr blogs with very explicit pictures and stories of heterosexual action as well. No one seems to have a problem with that. I have to admit that some Tumblr blogs are very difficult for me to bear, not only because of the pictures, but also because of the oftentimes dumb "Bend over you whore slut pussy!" comments they are accompanied by. I would never ask Bonnie to delete these blogs from her link list, though. I just don't look at them! But apparently, the same level of tolerance can't be expected from others when it comes to M/M sex. I mean, we are neither talking about pictures or posts which are actually on Bonnie's blog, nor do any pictures show up in her link list. All we are talking about are a couple of links and maybe the first two or three sentences from the linked blog post being visible in the list. That's all! But apparently, the danger of stumbling across gay sex between men by clicking the wrong link is too horrifying a prospect for some people. And so they demand that such links be removed altogether, even if they constitute only 5 percent of the total, if that.
Spanking Tube is another example. Ludwig and I had a very lively discussion with Mija and Paul quite a while ago because Spanking Tube hides M/M videos under a separate label and doesn't include them in the "Newest Videos" and "Favourite Videos" lists which are the most favourite search options. The four of us agreed that this treats M/M videos and their fans as second class citizens of the site. The part where our views differed, though, was whether given the homophobia in our scene featuring M/M videos at all was already an improvement compared with other sites which don't allow M/M spankings in the first place (Ludwig's and my view), or whether this was maybe even worse because Spanking Tube is making more money by also including M/M videos but at the same time treats M/M fans as second class citizens who should be kept out of sight (Mija's and Paul's view). I don't know whether my assumption was correct that, given the homophobia in our community, featuring M/M even in a separate corner entails a higher risk of losing viewers than a chance of making more money, but Paul has written a new post only a short while ago about Punished.net, a new site of the same company which also owns Spanking Tube, on which M/M is now completely banned.
Of course, there are positive news as well: Dreams Of Spanking has been voted Most Improved Spanking Site of the Year on The Spanking Spot, a pure x/F site. From several reviews, I know that for many viewers the M/M scenes which are featured on Dreams Of Spanking are a downside because they are not interested in them. Still, the mixture obviously does not scare away too many people and did not prevent the site from winning a democratic vote on an x/F site. Furthermore, Pandora has just published pictures from her latest M/M shoots and I'm looking forward to watching the final clips. Pandora's partner Tom, who is a heterosexual man, tops other guys in the clips. Ludwig just told me that he would be fine with doing a M/FM video for me as a top if I wanted it. And Donpascual, who already wrote about M/M spankings from a heterosexual man's view in a guest post, told me how naturally M/M spankings were handled at some of the kinky events he had attended, no matter which sexual preferences the play partners involved had. Kelley wrote about her liking of M/M and introduced a new M/M site featuring interesting formal scenarios, as I already mentioned above. Dana Kane has published a vote on M/M spankings and while M/M spankings of course don't cater to everybody's taste, it seems like she didn't get an overwhelming amount of "that's horrible because it is gay" comments so far.
So, what's the conclusion? And what does this have to do with BDSM and adult consensual spanking in general, if anything? Well, Pixie recently answered the question whether she thinks that spankos will have to be closeted forever or whether our kink will one day be fully accepted by society on her blog. Pixie was rather cautious concerning the aspect of full acceptance. The conclusion of my post is that I fully agree with her.
Maybe it's because Ludwig, the university trained historian, and I have now been a couple for almost four years. Maybe I have become as pessimistic as he is on many of these issues. But the truth is, in my opinion there will always be a lot of stupid people out there. People who are scared by sexuality in general and everything that's different from the statistical norm and from their personal preferences in particular. People who are too dumb to distinguish between homosexuality and paedophilia. People who can not distinguish real violence and abuse from BDSM and consensual adult spanking. So, I don't think that our kink will ever be fully accepted. Heck, even in our spanking community, where one would expect people to be a little enlightened about such issues, there is effectively just as much prejudice and intolerance as in our society as a whole.
I am lucky because I live in a country where different sexual preferences are widely accepted. A country where I don't have to be afraid of prosecution because of my fetish. I have friends to whom I can talk openly about who I am, including my kink. I think that's all I can ask for. But full acceptance in society as a whole? I don't believe that this is ever going to happen.
What made me sad, though, was a comment written by Bonnie. She wrote in reply to Kelley's first post about the new site: "You will hear no complaints from me about photos of cute young men. I wasn't aware of this site. As you say, most M/M spanking sites, at least the ones with pictures, seem to progress rather rapidly from spanking to gay sex. Not that that's necessarily bad, but my readers tell me they don't want to see it." And that's exactly the difference between personal preferences and the point where people try to exclude others because their preferences are different from one's own. It doesn't come as a surprise to me that the line is drawn when it comes to sexualised spankings between men, the point when the spanking becomes clearly linked to gay sex.
(Straight Lads Spanked, the new producer Kelley wrote about. Picture courtesy of Straight Lads Spanked.)
Now, I have already admitted earlier that I generally prefer formal spanking scenarios without sex, especially in videos, no matter which gender constellation we are talking about. But Bonnie's link list includes lots of blogs and Tumblr blogs with very explicit pictures and stories of heterosexual action as well. No one seems to have a problem with that. I have to admit that some Tumblr blogs are very difficult for me to bear, not only because of the pictures, but also because of the oftentimes dumb "Bend over you whore slut pussy!" comments they are accompanied by. I would never ask Bonnie to delete these blogs from her link list, though. I just don't look at them! But apparently, the same level of tolerance can't be expected from others when it comes to M/M sex. I mean, we are neither talking about pictures or posts which are actually on Bonnie's blog, nor do any pictures show up in her link list. All we are talking about are a couple of links and maybe the first two or three sentences from the linked blog post being visible in the list. That's all! But apparently, the danger of stumbling across gay sex between men by clicking the wrong link is too horrifying a prospect for some people. And so they demand that such links be removed altogether, even if they constitute only 5 percent of the total, if that.
Spanking Tube is another example. Ludwig and I had a very lively discussion with Mija and Paul quite a while ago because Spanking Tube hides M/M videos under a separate label and doesn't include them in the "Newest Videos" and "Favourite Videos" lists which are the most favourite search options. The four of us agreed that this treats M/M videos and their fans as second class citizens of the site. The part where our views differed, though, was whether given the homophobia in our scene featuring M/M videos at all was already an improvement compared with other sites which don't allow M/M spankings in the first place (Ludwig's and my view), or whether this was maybe even worse because Spanking Tube is making more money by also including M/M videos but at the same time treats M/M fans as second class citizens who should be kept out of sight (Mija's and Paul's view). I don't know whether my assumption was correct that, given the homophobia in our community, featuring M/M even in a separate corner entails a higher risk of losing viewers than a chance of making more money, but Paul has written a new post only a short while ago about Punished.net, a new site of the same company which also owns Spanking Tube, on which M/M is now completely banned.
Of course, there are positive news as well: Dreams Of Spanking has been voted Most Improved Spanking Site of the Year on The Spanking Spot, a pure x/F site. From several reviews, I know that for many viewers the M/M scenes which are featured on Dreams Of Spanking are a downside because they are not interested in them. Still, the mixture obviously does not scare away too many people and did not prevent the site from winning a democratic vote on an x/F site. Furthermore, Pandora has just published pictures from her latest M/M shoots and I'm looking forward to watching the final clips. Pandora's partner Tom, who is a heterosexual man, tops other guys in the clips. Ludwig just told me that he would be fine with doing a M/FM video for me as a top if I wanted it. And Donpascual, who already wrote about M/M spankings from a heterosexual man's view in a guest post, told me how naturally M/M spankings were handled at some of the kinky events he had attended, no matter which sexual preferences the play partners involved had. Kelley wrote about her liking of M/M and introduced a new M/M site featuring interesting formal scenarios, as I already mentioned above. Dana Kane has published a vote on M/M spankings and while M/M spankings of course don't cater to everybody's taste, it seems like she didn't get an overwhelming amount of "that's horrible because it is gay" comments so far.
(Preview picture for one of the new M/M clips on Dreams of Spanking featuring Thomas Cameron as the top. Picture courtesy of Dreams of Spanking.)
So, what's the conclusion? And what does this have to do with BDSM and adult consensual spanking in general, if anything? Well, Pixie recently answered the question whether she thinks that spankos will have to be closeted forever or whether our kink will one day be fully accepted by society on her blog. Pixie was rather cautious concerning the aspect of full acceptance. The conclusion of my post is that I fully agree with her.
Maybe it's because Ludwig, the university trained historian, and I have now been a couple for almost four years. Maybe I have become as pessimistic as he is on many of these issues. But the truth is, in my opinion there will always be a lot of stupid people out there. People who are scared by sexuality in general and everything that's different from the statistical norm and from their personal preferences in particular. People who are too dumb to distinguish between homosexuality and paedophilia. People who can not distinguish real violence and abuse from BDSM and consensual adult spanking. So, I don't think that our kink will ever be fully accepted. Heck, even in our spanking community, where one would expect people to be a little enlightened about such issues, there is effectively just as much prejudice and intolerance as in our society as a whole.
I am lucky because I live in a country where different sexual preferences are widely accepted. A country where I don't have to be afraid of prosecution because of my fetish. I have friends to whom I can talk openly about who I am, including my kink. I think that's all I can ask for. But full acceptance in society as a whole? I don't believe that this is ever going to happen.
13 comments:
Kaelagh, thank you for this.
I’m a long time lurker of this, and other spanking blogs, precisely because I am a gay man and, outside of expressly gay blogs, I feel the spanking community – and the greater kinky community – is a very very hostile place for us (which is made more fraught by many of these same kinky places claiming the label “queer” while being homophobic).
Most sites do not want any mention of us or any presence. It’s extremely depressing that the step up is viewed as Spanking Tube (a site I now avoid) that decides we’re ok so long as we’re in a corner not bothering the “normal” people. Most real life spanking parties are the same unless expressly designed for gay men exclude us and the few I’ve found that didn’t made me very very very uncomfortable (tops who had an inordinate fondness for using anti-gay slurs, for example. Or thought all gay men must bottom all the time. Or were… lapse with their safety words and limits).
It also saddens me that when the mainstream spanking blogs or community does, on rare occasions, speak about m/m spanking, it’s always as a topic of the female gaze – for straight or bisexual women. Like gay and bisexual men don’t exist and are not part of anything. Similarly, when there is m/m spanking there’s also a very very very very narrow tolerance for what it can be. No sensuality, must be a discipline scenario and must not even have any clips on the same site of sensuality or gay sex mixed in or nearby; even when the same site has sensual spanking with f/f, m/f and f/m scenes. Like, we can have m/m if we must but it MUST be “de-gayed” as much as possible. Again, to the actual scene, the few mixed I went to objected most strenuously if we touched or kissed – despite opposite sex couples and female/female couples could do the same.
I can totally understand things that are not to people’s taste. F/F and M/F does absolutely nothing for me. But there’s a difference between not seeking it out and running screaming like the clip is posting acid in your eyes.
It gets you down and, in the end, I just pull away from spaces that aren’t gay.
Years ago, when I had not really thought about the issue at all, I viewed the strict separation of the straight spanking community and the gay spanking community as simply normal. I assumed that, just as there are quite a few people in the straight community who do not want to mingle with gays, there would be quite a few people in the gay community who do not want to mingle with us hetero folks. It really was a very naive and unthoughtful view I held! But I just assumed that both communities would want to stay "among themselves". It never occurred to me that gay people might feel excluded or that they would be unhappy about the separation (neither did I really reflect on how illogical it is that most "hetero" porn sites feature plenty of lesbian sex, but gay male sex is kept strictly out of sight).
It took me a while to realise that, yes, gay people do feel saddened and offended by this apartheid. As obviously they would, because it is simply an expression of homophobia, when you come to think about it. I do get the impression that the majority of gay people would be happy and just fine mixing with straight people (there might be a few individual exceptions, of course), but sadly, the same cannot be said with confidence about the majority of straight people.
I would have to agree with Kaelah about a significant number of people in the BDSM / spanking community being just as prejudiced and intolerant as a significant number of people in the average population. When I first started exploring our community, I thought in my naivety that I was entering a community exclusively made up of highly enlightened, fair-minded people! But of course, that is not the case at all. The exclusion of the gay spankos is one glaring example of the intolerance of (straight) spankos, but there are other examples as well. In discussions on spanking forums, there was no shortage of users calling me a "psychopath" or a "sick, sick man" because I made some hard caning videos with producers like Mood and Lupus.
I don't think that the narrow-minded and the intolerant actually make up the majority of the community. I think they are a minority, but they are more numerous than the groups they want to exclude, and they are very vocal and demanding about it. With the majority of the community usually just wanting peace and quiet and choosing the path of least resistance, the advocates of intolerance tend to get their way.
I must say, I am proud of the fact that, from the very beginning of this blog in January 2008, I had some links to M/M sites on my link list, like Spanking Central and another, now defunct Czech site. I'm a straight guy, but I do like what these good M/M sites are doing. The videos are competently filmed, and the male models are good-looking and decent actors, which is an utter contrast to the cheap, clumsy garbage spewed forth by most F/M spanking sites. While M/M obviously doesn't do for me what M/F or F/M does, I do appreciate the clips from an artistic point of view and I even find them mildly erotic.
That was even before I met Kaelah with her great fondness for M/M videos. Now that she is my mate, I have more personal involvement in the issue myself, because I know how annoyed she is with the homophobia and the exclusion of M/M material on almost all "regular" forums and blogs. Maybe with an occasional post about the issue, we will encourage some people to reflect on this intolerance and the fact that it really does not speak well for the spanking community.
But for the great scheme of things to change significantly, society as a whole would first need to change significantly, and as any historian knows, that is extremely slow going and any progress is far from irreversible. Pessimism, however, should not stop us from trying altogether. If nothing else, it feels good to try and help others every now and then.
In my local BDSM community, all sexual orientations are welcomed to events and parties. Sunday, I saw a M/M suspension bondage scene by a well known local rigger. A couple of months ago, there was a M/M intense interrogation scene.
I am less concerned with the blogosphere as long as there is acceptance at local events. However, I do not think there should be censorship or filters.
joey
As I have previously stated in comments on your blog about this issue I am a heterosexual man who has tried M/M spanking. Prior to that experience I was one of those people who shunned any stories, pictures and videos involving M/M c.p.. Since then I have realised that although it may not be to my taste it is a valid expression of the spanking experience which presumably those of us reading your blog are all interested in.
I think a lot of the dislike some men have of M/M is down to a concern similar to that felt by me before my M/M experience i.e. "what if I enjoy it, what does that mean for me". Obviously I can only speak for myself when I say that any enjoyment I felt came from my enjoyment of punishment scenarios in general and not from some sudden change in my sexuality. It broadened my horizons in terms of what I was prepared to read and also in terms of my acceptance of other peoples tastes. M/M may never be popular with some people but it exists, it is a valid expression of some peoples desires and should therefore be represented within blogs etc. If you are unhappy with it than just ignore the occasions when it does crop up. It shouldn't lead to an outpouring of vitriol and personal insults.
Your own words, Kaelah:
"Heck, even in our spanking community, where one would expect people to be a little enlightened about such issues, there is effectively just as much prejudice and intolerance as in our society as a whole."
That pretty much sums up your very comprehensive view on M/M activities: If our own brand of kinky people is intolerant within the narrow confines of our kink, how can we expect to find tolerance in the general public?
Unfortunately, things don't get better, even in our own community. How many of us have to worry about outing themselves!
Presently, we witness an ugly campaign in France against marriage between homosexuals and even artificial insemination of lesbian women. How narrow minded can you get? And, of course, its all for the protection of innocent children; big laugh!
Following this drama in France, our M/M discussion gets a relatively minor status. Dumb people will stay dumb and intolerant. If you are lucky enough - as I am, you mentioned it - to whack a male naked butt once in a while in the midst of a crowd of straight people of both sexes, you should simply enjoy your privilege, never mind missionary impulses to change this miserable world in general.
By the way, a few good friends of mine are gay, I am not.
@ Sparky:
Welcome to our blog and thank you very much for your comment! It makes me sad to hear that you don't feel welcome in those parts of the spanking community which aren't exclusively for gays. What shocked me even more was that you obviously made experiences with tops who didn't respect safewords and limits!
Being a heterosexual M/F couple, Ludwig and I can't present M/M spankings (or F/F spankings) from a gay point of view on our blog. Except for our private exploits, we also generally focus on asexual spanking scenes (no matter which gender constellation), because that's our personal preference when it comes to spanking fantasies. But our aim is for our blog to cover all gender constellations in our posts, and our readers are very welcome to share their views and experiences, including sex. All we can say is that our comment section is open for everyone and that we love to hear from you. I have no idea whether other gay (or bisexual) men read our blog as well, but if so, it's up to you to take the plunge and participate in the discussions. What we can guarantee is that we don't allow any insulting comments.
Maybe you can help me with something, Sparky. It seems to me that your own blogs aren't focussed on spanking, but maybe you know a good spanking blog that is written by a gay man or couple for our link list. It should meet the following requirements: It should be primarily about erotic CP, because this is what our blog is all about. This excludes, for instance, pure DD blogs and blogs with lots of posts which aren't related to erotic CP. Secondly, in order to qualify for our blog roll, a blog should be more than just a collection of pictures. It should offer a greater variety of topics like, for example, philosophical ramblings, discussions, private exploits, witty posts and creative stuff. I haven't found any M/M blog which meets these requirements, yet, but I would be more than happy to find one. And I hope to hear more from you in the future as well.
@ Joey:
It's nice to hear that your local community is so inclusive!
I don't think that gay men feel really welcome at most of the big spanking parties, though. For instance, I have taken a look at the SCONY site because Lea and you talked so positively about the group and I thought about visiting one of the events should I happen to be in New York one day. The "About" site which explains the objectives of the SCONY group clearly states: "To prioritize the needs of of heterosexual spankers. Although we make no judgements on anyone’s sexual orientation or preferences, SCONY is an organization aimed primarily at the needs of heterosexual spankers. As such, we encourage good will and respect toward all interests in the scene and ask the community to respect our right to fulfill a very specific need of our own." The funny thing is, there are F/F pictures on the site, but I don't think that there are any M/M ones. Of course, every group has the right to focus on a special sub-segment of the spanking community, but the thing is that time and time again gay men are the ones who are explicitly excluded. And even if they are not explicitly excluded, I think it is still not so easy to feel welcome. For instance, at the Shadow Lane party Ludwig and I visited, the only play constellation we didn't come across at all was M/M. Which didn't come as a surprise to me, since Shadow Lane produces M/F, F/M and F/F clips, but not M/M. So, if I were a gay man, I guess I wouldn't go to one of their parties because I wouldn't be sure how the other party guests might react. I haven't heard of any M/M play at one of the other big party events in the US, either, so I guess it's a common pattern.
As for the blogging community, I think it is important how welcoming and inclusive we are. Because in my opinion, it is scary enough to go to a party or play event for the first time, even if you have already made friends online. But without having met like-minded people online and without feeling welcome there, how can gay men feel like it would be a good idea to go to a live event where they have to interact with others face-to-face?
@ Simon:
Thank you very much for your comment and for sharing your experiences!
I think you have got a very good point here. Prejudices held by heterosexual men against gay men and against M/M spanking or sex surely sometimes originate in the fear of being turned on by another man and becoming confused about one's own sexual preferences. But, as you said, even engaging in M/M play and enjoying it in a certain way doesn't mean at all that a heterosexual man suddenly turns into a bisexual or maybe even homosexual one. I've made the same experience with F/F play. Since I am monogamous, I prefer any spanking play that includes others than just Ludwig and me to be playful and asexual only. Playing with other women ensures that for me. I can find other women attractive, I can enjoy their friendship and trust, I like the fun of private scenes and I enjoy the creative act of making videos together. But I am not sexually interested in the women I play with. I am not sexually interested in the female spanking models I see in video clips, either, but I can enjoy F/F videos nonetheless if I like the storyline and the people involved. And while sexual spanking videos aren't my biggest preference, lesbian sex doesn't scare me away, either.
Unfortunately I think that it is not only scared heterosexual men who have prejudices against gay men. Many women seem to have similar prejudices as well. For some, the fact that gays have a different sexual orientation than the statistical majority already seems to be enough to be scared and prejudiced. Religious beliefs play a role here as well. But of course, there are also religious people who are not prejudiced against homosexuals at all and there are people whose homophobia doesn't originate in any religious beliefs.
@ Donpascual:
I didn't know about the campaign in France, how sad! I am always happy to hear that M/M play seems to be integrated so well at the spanking events in which you participate. But I absolutely agree with you, I don't think things will get much better in general. And yes, I think that we as spankos have to be careful about outing ourselves or being outed. In my opinion, all we can do is try to make a difference in our own small environment and to be inclusive and welcoming here. We won't change the world that way and we won't convert the stupid, scared and prejudiced ones, but if we can make a little change in our immediate environment, that's probably as good as it can get.
I'm of the "if you don't like it, don't watch it" mindset. On Fetlife, for example, there are all sorts of things beyond my comfort zone that pop up in my feed every day. So I just don't click on it to view any further.
From my observations, the spanko scene is generally more conservative and aimed at M/F compared to the broader BDSM scene. At BDSM parties I've attended it's very common to see men playing with men. Gay or straight, it doesn't matter. If they went with me to a spanking party and saw that no M/M was going on anywhere, they'd probably find it quite bizarre. It's just not something BDSM-ers seem to think twice about. Or think "that's gay" because two men or playing. And I agree that nobody tends to bat an eye at F/f play. In fact it tends to attract a crowd.
I'm a female bottom and I tend to play with men. Other orientations don't personally affect me because of that. But I'm well aware that many other preferences exist and think people should be able to practice kink however they want. It's a shame that people can't focus more on talking about the things they DO like rather than trying to stop the things they don't.
I have to add another comment, Kaelah:
On www.wellredweekly.com I read a very comprehensive article about M/M and F/M sites and videos. This author mentioned practically the same sites, models and tops, I am finding halfway acceptable and they are few.
As far as male models are concerned we both agree on the famous Leda star David who could be accepted as physically attractive and authentic as a youngster to be spanked for typical adolescent transgressions.
Models in most videos with M/M content lack even basic role playing skills cannot even follow silly plots and there are many technical shortcomings. Of course, Pandora is trying hard to improve on these shortcomings. At least her male models and tops are well chosen.
I had a short look on "straight lads spanked". Learning that a monthly subscription of 35 $ will only allow you one download every 48 hours, I bought one video (for about 9 €) to test the waters. Well, another of these terrible proofs for classical rip-offs. A veritable oaf with tattooed muscle packs who easily could mop the floor with his spanker, ridiculous plots and a silly Mr X as the resident top running about with a ski mask over his head. I had to laugh all the time. The production is British, I suppose. Where do they get their "models" from? Jails or the military?
The only possible use for these guys are videos about brutalities in jails or military discipline, all else is impossible,in my view.
One more screwed up project, Kaelah. They keep us waiting.
@ Lea:
I think you've got an important point here. There might indeed be a difference between the spanking community and the broader BDSM community. To me it also seems like (especially in the US) the spanking community is more conservative than the broader BDSM community. The experiences Joey wrote about also back up that assumption. I absolutely agree with you, I don't expect people to like everything or to be interested in everything, but it would be much nicer if they simply talked about the things they like instead of trying to stop the things they don't like.
@ Donpascual:
As you know, tattoos don't usually irritate me that much (even though I am not a big fan), but I absolutely agree with you in that I didn't like the ski mask thing. I want to see both the spanker's and the spankee's faces when watching a clip. Only one download in 48 hours doesn't sound too good, either. As far as I know, Spanking Central is also very expensive. But I think that you can at least download as much as you want and they offer material from several years now. The preview photos from Sting Pictures also look good, but they only seem to sell DVDs which are quite expensive, too. The pictures from MancSpank Productions look nice as well, but they also only seem to sell videos in a Clips4sale store. And then there is a site called Reluctant Young Men. They even seem to offer a monthly subscription. But again I don't know how good they are. I guess there are several other producers as well. So, there seem to be some possibilities, but I guess one would have to take a closer look to see which site (or video producer) is really worth the money.
I don't want this to become an advertising campaign for M/M sites, Kaelah, but I might add a little to the sites you mentioned. I have bought a few full length videos from Sting Pictures. Models and content are all right; good value for the money.
I just jumped the hurdle and took a subscription to Spanking Central. You can download as much as you want and also get behind the scenes footage. The content is heavy on the hard side, no hanky panky :-). Models are quite acceptable and young enough to make believe a senior to junior scene.
Reluctant young men is the next one, I am going to test. I am not put off by gay content. What I don't like (that applies to most M/M sites) that they seem to be the "property" of one single mostly elderly top with a pot belly. That is also the case with Spanking Central, but that guy is at least presentable. Several tops of all ages are featured by sting pictures for a change.
@ Donpascual:
Thank you for sharing your experiences with the different producers of M/M spanking videos! I have planned to buy a subscription for Spanking Central once I have a bit more time (I prefer to subscribe to a site with several clips instead of buying single videos, but I will keep Sting Pictures in mind). I would like to review the site. You are right about the downside of only having one top. At least he is indeed presentable, has a good aim, comes over as being a nice guy and is able to play different basic roles like the sports teacher of the father. And what I like about him is that in the very first clips he is the bottom (the only clips with another top). So he doesn't seem to be one of the Lord Sir Master Domly Mc Domlysons who believe that switching makes a top less toppy. I am curious to hear about your experiences with Reluctant Young Men. Somehow from the previews the site doesn't appeal to me as much as Sting Pictures or Spanking Central. But maybe the clips are much better than they look to me from the very first impression.
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