Dr. Painlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Safeword

Time, place and conditions had been settled beforehand. I was already very nervous as I climbed the stairs. I had told myself that it would be over soon, but I felt a bit shaky nonetheless. I pushed open the door and stepped in. For a moment I stood there rather lost, until a woman came to greet me. I reported to her why I was there and she asked me whether I had prepared myself for the things to come and brought everything with me as requested. I confirmed both.

Before long I was brought into a sterile room with a bench. The room had a small changing room attached. I was handed a pair of strange white knickers and was told to strip off my pants, change into the shirt I was supposed to bring with me and the knickers I had been handed. I did as I was instructed. When I came back into the room, I was told to climb on the bench. After some preparations I was left there alone.

The implement had already been laid out. It was long and definitely very flexible. The tail was thicker than I had expected. Maybe my memory was wrong, or maybe there were different types of these things? As it lay there only a few steps away from me curled up like a sleeping black snake, it somehow looked innocent and threatening at the same time.
 
I could see the minutes passing by on the clock on the wall. I was sitting there, in these strange white knickers, my shirt covering my modesty. My anticipation heightened with every minute. I hadn't eaten anything all day and was feeling weak. I tried to calm myself down. After all, this wasn't the first time for me. Yes, it had been painful the last time, but I had made it through. And the feeling of accomplishment afterwards had been great. Plus, this all served a higher purpose.

Then they came for me. There were three of them. The male boss and his two female assistants. In a way, they seemed friendly and sympathetic, but at the same time it was clear that they meant business. Without further ado, I was told to turn around. Unceremoniously, my knickers were ripped open. The boss picked up the implement and positioned himself. I was told to relax as much as possible. The more accepting I was, the less painful it would be. I knew there was no way back now. They would definitely bring their job to an end, no matter how. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, just like the last time. After all, I knew exactly how much I had coming. It didn't take me long to find out that this was much worse than the last time, though. This clearly wasn't my best day.

I had been told about my safety option beforehand. I knew that I was able to stop the pain immediately. I just had to say the magic word. But I was determined to make it through without. I am a control freak and I want to do things on my own conditions. So, I gritted my teeth and clutched the side of the bench with my hands. At times I thought that the pain was getting less and I might be able to deal with it. But then it became worse again, much worse. The two assistants tried to hold me in position as well as they could and I tried to be as obedient as possible. I was asked whether I wanted it to stop, but I shook my head with determination. The idea of giving up control seemed worse to me than the pain. I asked for a short break which was generously granted, and then it went on.

We were almost there, I knew it. But then, the pain became unbearable. I was struggling to keep the position, my mouth was dry and my body drenched in cold sweat. The assistants had problems holding me in position. And finally the point was reached at which I couldn't take it any more. I even did something very unusual for me, I cried out in pain. When I was asked again whether I wanted the pain to stop, I swallowed all my fears and my pride and said yes.

A short time later, I found myself in another room, dressed again and wrapped into a cozy blanket. I was surprised how good and fit I felt. Using my safeword had definitely been the right decision. Only that I should have done it earlier. I realised that my fears of the consequences had been completely unfounded. Soon I was able to get up again and face my tormentor. "That was embarrassing", I said as I sat down, thinking about my struggle and my stubbornness. "Not at all", he answered, "we were nearly through, but somehow I didn't manage to easily get into the last passage." He showed it to me on a picture. "The good news is, everything is fine. We took a few tissue samples, as we always do. See you again in five years."

I was relieved. This was what the whole procedure was all about. No colonoscopy can ever be as bad as finding out about colon cancer when it is too late already. And now I even know that the sedation isn't horrible at all and that one doesn't feel confused or shaky afterwards. In five years, my next colonoscopy will be completely painless.

So, even if you aren't into medical play, interrogation scenarios or judicials, that's no reason to skip those kinds of preventive medical examinations. Cancer sucks and regular check-ups increase your chances of not having to deal with chemotherapy, or worse, the diagnosis of being terminally ill. And if you are as strange as I am, you might even smile about the fact that you can take a pair of ripped kinky white knickers home with you as a souvenir and use your experience to create a perverted little story, knowing that you are well and fit and not having to worry about an (almost) invisible enemy.