Kaelah's Corner (Apr 2010): I Don't Want To Get Hurt

(Not a picture to show your vanilla friends?)

Last month Kaelah's Corner was about the question whether to tell vanilla friends about one's kink. I told you that I'm usually very open about my kinky life and have talked to many friends about my journey. But of course there are also some friends who don't know, either because they aren't that close or because they might be irritated being confronted with my rather uncommon sexual preference. As I also wrote last month, today my urge of sharing my kinky journey with my vanilla friends has become less strong, since I now have Ludwig, some kinky friends and still some close vanilla friends to talk to.

But a bit less than one year ago, when I was just about starting to write my first blog post, that was still different. And so, my enthusiasm for my kinky journey and my usual openness got me into real trouble one day. Actually, it was the first time (and the last one so far) Ludwig was very angry at me. Which finally led to my first (kind of) domestic discipline spanking. So, what had happened?

There was a party at my place involving about twenty friends of mine. Ludwig had met some of them before, with others it was the first encounter that day. The situation wasn't too easy for him, given how strictly he separates his kinky from his vanilla life, knowing that some of the people knew exactly how we met while others just knew something about common interests and internet chats. But the party went well and I was happy to see Ludwig getting along fine with my friends.

Two of the party guests were Eileen and Neil, a sweet and very open vanilla couple, with whom we had done my first-ever private sexy photo shoot a few days earlier [note from Ludwig: Eileen and Neil are not into BDSM, but I'd say that they are comfortably beyond vanilla!]. We had taken hundreds of pictures, among them the ones Ludwig and I later used for the Where No Man Has Spanked Before post. When I had looked at the results, it had been the first time in my life when I felt like an attractive woman. So, I was very eager to show the pictures to some other friends whom I had told about the shoot. Suddenly I had the "great" idea that I could quickly show them the photos on my computer, which was in another room, so none of the other party guests would notice. So, the tragedy took its course...

When I asked those I had in mind for my photo presentation whether they wanted to see the pictures, others heard it. "Oh, you've made nice photos? Can we see them, too?" they asked. I knew that Eileen and Neil probably wouldn't have a problem with showing the photos to others. I talked to them and they said it was okay. They're not kinky, so their pictures were sexy and involved some fetish props, but I didn't associate them with spanking. Unfortunately, I forgot about two things: First of all, we hadn't only shot pictures of Eileen and me. Ludwig was on some of the photos, too. Secondly, Ludwig's and my pictures weren't only about sexy dresses. Some of them showed explicit spanking scenes! But in the enthusiasm of the moment, I had forgotten about those. So I agreed, glad to get the chance to show the "innocent" sexy pictures I was so proud of to even more people.

Within a few seconds the story about the photos spread among all the guests and suddenly twenty people were following me to my computer. Ludwig sat in the party room, completely stunned. On our way to the computer, Eileen asked me whether it was okay with Ludwig that I showed the pictures. I, still not seeing the trouble I was about to get myself (and, even more importantly, Ludwig) in, answered with a smile: "Well, at least we don't show one of his videos." Again, I must have spoken quite loud, because one of the guests following us turned around and asked Ludwig: "What kind of videos is she talking about?"

Everyone who knows Ludwig and his paranoia concerning the separation of his kinky and his vanilla life a bit can easily imagine the state of mind he was in by now! Today, we can both laugh about it, but at the time he was equally stunned and outraged. It took him a few moments to overcome the first shock and to follow us.

Meanwhile, I was sitting in front of the computer, surrounded by curious party guests, trying to open the folder containing the pictures. Some of my friends, who knew what kind of photos I was about to show, had also realised the possible threat by now. They tried to stop me by asking whether I was really sure I wanted to show such "personal" pictures to all of the guests. Still I didn't see any problem with my guests seeing photos of me dressed up in sexy clothes. Then Ludwig entered the room, not saying a word. But I immediately realised that he was incredibly angry. I was shocked by the intensity of the anger I sensed. It took me a few more seconds until, while still trying to open the folder with the pictures, I began to see the danger. But how could I get out of that situation?

Fortunately, my old computer rescued me. It simply needed incredibly long to open the folder which, as I already mentioned, contained hundreds of pictures. I used the time to tell the people around me I had just realised that some of the pictures might be a bit too explicit and that there were too many of them, anyway. I asked them to leave me alone for a few minutes, so that I could prepare a slide show for them containing a few different good photos.

When the guests where gone, Ludwig sat next to me, still very quiet. "You are very angry, aren't you?" I asked him. "I just wanted to show them the pictures I'm so proud of. Okay, some of them are fetish photos and the people might also realise that they've got something to do with spanking. But, you know, most of them know about it, anyway. And I'm not ashamed of my kink. Don't you want me to show those sexy pictures of me to my friends?" "They are our pictures. We've made them together. And you've just passed me over", Ludwig answered. "And do you really think it is a good idea to show explicit spanking photos to all of the guests, even to those who aren't such close friends of yours? Are you absolutely sure they wouldn't gossip about it? Are you sure all of them could deal with it?"

I wasn't. Only then did I realise that many of the pictures showed Ludwig and me and that this wasn't only about me, it was about us. I wasn't used to the fact that my decisions now also affected my partner, and I was suddenly very sorry for having passed Ludwig over. Moreover, I was very sad that one of my rare attempts to be more spontaneous and not to miss out on all the fun by planning too much turned out to be that stupid!

[Note from Ludwig: I was 99% sure that all of the party guests were okay, that there wouldn't be any negative repercussions down the road from any of them, even the more puritan ones. Of course, in my philosophy, 1% of remaining doubt still means that it is better not to show the pictures, period. Beyond that, I was angry about the fact that my consent hadn't been asked for, that I was passed over. That hurt.]

I selected some of Eileen's and some of my pictures, sexy ones, but none containing any spanking props. Then I called the guests and showed them the slide show. I think they liked the photos, but found them quite harmless and not worth the chaos. It didn't matter too much to me in that situation, anyway. I just wanted Ludwig to forgive me, to take me into his arms and to tell me that he still loved me. Sweet Neil suggested that Eileen and he could take care of my guests, so that Ludwig and I could use the time for some "reconciliation sex". That sounded good, but I knew it wouldn't work. I had to wait until after the party.

So, I sat next to Ludwig, hoping for his anger to fade. He behaved quite normally, chatting with the guests, and no one would have suspected that anything was amiss. But I could sense how outraged he still was under the surface, and it hurt me and made me feel very insecure and afraid. One by one the guests left. Finally the party was over and Ludwig and I were alone.

It was late and we went to bed. But I couldn't go to sleep like that. I'm of the opinion that one should never go to sleep with an unsolved quarrel with one's mate. One never knows, maybe one of the partners doesn't wake up the next morning, and the one left behind has to live with that situation for the rest of his/her life. I told Ludwig about it and that I felt his anger and that I was very sorry. I said I never meant to hurt him, that I had just been happy about the pictures and wanted to be a bit spontaneous and to share a part of my new life I was so happy about with my friends. Ludwig reassured me that he still loved me. He didn't want to be unfair because of the anger still boiling inside him and told me he just needed some time to calm down. So, we went to sleep.

The next day I had an emergency in my family. Ludwig was at my side and we had a busy day. Then, in the evening, we cuddled on the bed and talked through the events of the day before. Ludwig explained to me that he had been angry for two reasons: First of all, I hadn't asked him whether it was okay to show our pictures to the party guests. Secondly, and even worse from his point of view, I nearly got myself into trouble with my spontaneous idea. I told him how sorry I was and that I didn't want to hurt him. And Ludwig reassured me that his anger had already faded and that his love for me was as strong as ever.

After everything was cleared up verbally I was a bit unsure what to do. As I wrote in my Anderswelt post, I'm absolutely not into domestic discipline. On the other hand, since we are a kinky couple and since Ludwig likes to connect kinky play to real life events, not using the events for a spanking scene seemed somehow wrong. Ludwig showed a great sense for what I needed by asking me what I thought would be a proper "punishment". (I'm using the quotation marks because for me, despite of the real life background, we're not talking about a real punishment but about kinky play.)

[Note from Ludwig: I'm not into domestic discipline, either, but indeed, this was too good to pass up. Also, from what I remember, it was you who suggested that you should get spanked for what happened at the party. I didn't insist on it.]

The number forty occurred on my mind. Everything less seemed ridiculous, everything more seemed impossible to take. "There have been two misconducts", I finally said, "and there were twenty people involved. Two multiplied with twenty is forty. So, I think it should be forty strokes." Ludwig agreed and started to think about which implement he should use. Two implements seemed to fit: The cane and the dreaded flogger that hurts very much but doesn't produce a lot of marks. Since I had an appointment with my dermatologist only a few days later Ludwig thought about delaying the "punishment" spanking until after that. But I desperately wanted to get that spanking out of the way and asked him to get over with it right now. Ludwig agreed and decided to give me twenty strokes with each of the implements in question.

Before we got up Ludwig told me: "I somehow would prefer to just cuddle with you right now, you know." This reassured me that Ludwig still loved me and cared for me. Nevertheless I was really scared when I prepared myself for the spanking. Ludwig usually spanks quite hard, anyway. How bad must it be now that I really had done something that made him feel upset? Would I be able to deal with it, given that real background?

We went to a room in which we had never played before and Ludwig told me to strip. I did as I was told and soon stood there completely nude. Ludwig ordered me to take a position in front of him, bent over, hands on the seat of a sofa. He started with the flogger. Twenty strokes for passing him over. The strokes were hard but bearable. Then came the cane and the twenty strokes for getting myself into trouble, the offence that was even worse from Ludwig's point of view. Between the strokes Ludwig constantly talked to me, telling me that he wanted to protect me and that I should be more careful and think twice the next time. The constant verbal contact meant a lot to me and reassured me that Ludwig was very much concerned about my well-being. The way Ludwig enforced the "punishment" made me feel very safe and cared for.

At one point Ludwig asked me whether I thought that the spanking would help me to remember to be more careful in the future. I honestly replied I didn't believe that a spanking worked for me that way, but that it was the talking that was essential for me. After fourteen cane strokes (again hard, but not over the top) Ludwig told me that he had taken everything into consideration that spoke for a not so hard spanking - the stress I had had, the emergency in my family, the appointment with the dermatologist etc. But the last six strokes would be severe in the hope to remind me to think twice the next time, even if that wasn't something I considered a spanking to be good for. And he wanted me to count them. Again, I obediently followed the instructions. The last six strokes were really harder than the previous ones, but still bearable. When it was over, Ludwig sat down on the sofa and I laid down next to him, the upper part of my body resting on his knees. He held me and petted me and I was very grateful that the "punishment" was over and that Ludwig knew so well what worked for me.

I'm still not into real life domestic discipline. As an adult and a self-reliant woman I neither seek/need someone to educate and control me, nor do I think that getting spanked for misconducts is the right way of seriously dealing with them. Concerning my mistake, talking it through and apologizing for me is the adult way of handling that. That's why I could only do that "punishment" spanking scene after Ludwig had already told me that he had forgiven me and that he still loved me. Because then it wasn't a serious way of making up for my mistake, instead I saw it as the kinky equivalent of "reconciliation sex". It was the final step of our reconciliation process, it showed me how much Ludwig cared for me and my obedience showed him how sorry I was. And it was also the proof that everything between Ludwig and me was okay and normal again.

There might not be a big difference between our scene and the way others live real life domestic discipline. But I think the way I see it and feel about it is a bit different. That way "punishment" sessions and "domestic discipline" really work for me - and I'm very glad to have a partner who has a similar point of view and instinctively knew how to treat me in that special situation when I felt very vulnerable!

Movie Review: The Godfather

Producer:
Lupus Pictures (released in 2010)

Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:

Don't mess with the Russian mob

Victim Appeal:
Five Czech dívkas get their bottoms soundly punished in this newest (as of spring 2010) offering from Lupus Pictures: Ester Slaba, their redhaired long-time star, plays a sadistic schoolteacher who at the end of the story receives a taste of her own medicine. Sara Ronheim, a blonde who I see for the first time here, plays the other main female part, a schoolgirl with a "well-connected" father. The remaining three appear as extra schoolgirls: Michaela Trmotova, with white blonde hair partially dyed pink, Veronika Bartakova, a brunette, and Martina Vavrova, dark-haired and a bit on the chubby side.

The main appeal for me in this one is to see Ester Slaba switching. Aside from bending over for her usual werewolf-style caning (how many has she had on film by now? did anyone keep count?), Ester also tops a great deal here, and she does it very well. Actually, because this is one of those "role reversal" films, one could say that it also includes an MM/M scene. The headmaster of the school, played by Timur, also gets his comeuppance in the end. And although the abuse Timur suffers is (mostly) simulated, the headmaster's fate is even worse than Ester's...

Gratuitous Sadism:
A Russian mafia boss (Alfi Grovio) whose wife has been murdered by rival gangsters fears that his daughter, Lenocka (Sara Ronheim), will be the next in line. To get Lenocka out of harm's way, he enrolls her at a small boarding school for girls. The headmaster and his wife (Timur and Ester Slaba) assure him: "We have a friendly, informal, almost family-like environment." The father, on his part, tells them that he is an entomologist about to go on an expedition. So, he has to give Lenocka into their care in the meantime.

Once he leaves, it quickly becomes clear what the school's definition of "family-like" is: beatings and sexual abuse. We see a scene where Martina Vavrova, fully naked except for her socks and bent over a wooden horse, is caned by the headmaster. Forty vicious, welt-raising strokes are shown on-screen, but it is implied that the thrashing goes on for much longer. Lenocka hears the screams while she is being escorted to her room. She starts to realise what kind of place her unknowing father has left her in.

When the girls are in class writing a test, Ester uses a pretext to punish three of them, including Lenocka. One after the other, they have to bend over the teacher's desk while Ester whacks their behinds with a wooden paddle. The headmaster helps to hold them down. Michaela Trmotova gets 43 strokes, followed by another 43 for Veronika Bartakova (why that number, I wonder?). Sara aka Lenocka is last. After 26 whacks, she jumps up, throws a major screaming fit and refuses to continue: "Leave me alone, you swine! I'll tell my father!" They take her to another room and tie her to the wooden horse, naked down to her socks. The headmaster gives her 42 fast-paced cane strokes and then rapes her from behind (the beating is real, the penetration isn't).

Later, in her schoolgirl uniform again, Lenocka sneaks into the classroom at night and manages to call her father with a mobile phone which she finds in the teacher's desk. She begs him to rescue her. There follows an extended scene where Ester tortures Lenocka and two other girls by making them perform knee bends. They are nude during the gymnastics and Ester has a leather tawse in hand, but she is not using it much except for the occasional "motivational lash". The exercise is demaning enough as it is. Just when Ester has exhausted the girls to the point where they are literally collapsing to the floor, the mafia boss and his henchmen storm the school.

Cue revenge, terror, excruciating pain. The headmaster and his wife find out, the hard way, that the father of their latest victim is no entomologist after all. Ester is violently stripped of her clothes and has to go over her own desk. The mafia boss gives her 53 hard cane strokes while Lenocka cheers him on. Once Ester's bottom is covered in welts, the henchmen go to work on her husband in the next room while Ester has to listen. They tie him to the horse, naked, and burn him with a blowtorch (it's simulated, of course, and mostly happens off-screen). Then they shoot him, and when the crime boss and his daughter leave, it is implied that the henchmen will rape Ester before they leave as well.

Best Reactions:
No one among the spankees shows the restrained, defiantly suffering reactions I like so much. Which is excusable, I suppose, given that the beatings have the usual Lupus-style severity - Ester really leans into it with the wooden paddle, turning the schoolgirls' bottoms a very deep shade of red, and when she gets caned herself at the end, some blood is drawn. I suppose I liked Michaela Trmotova's reactions best. She is fairly hysterical like everyone else, but... nicer somehow. More pitiful, more arousing. I dunno. Watch the movie for yourself.

Best Line:
When the mafia boss instructs his henchmen to take the headmaster to the next room, he tells the poor guy: "Now your ass will taste the Middle Ages!" Actually, they didn't have blowtorches during the Middle Ages as far as I know. But we understand what he is trying to say, don't we?

Nice Psychological Touch:
While the movie's title is obviously inspired by Francis Ford Coppola's timeless masterpiece, I was reminded even more of Dogville by Lars von Trier: daughter of crime boss gets abused and abused and abused even more, until an apocalypse of revenge comes over her tormentors at the end. On second thoughts, comparing this flick to Lars von Trier is probably a bit far-fetched. But it allows me to show off my supreme taste in cinema.

What I'm really trying to say is: I like role reversal stories in spanking movies. This one was done well in terms of premise, and even better in terms of execution. Good stuff.

How Good Is It Really?
Another enjoyable offering from the Czechs. The acting during the quiet scenes is a bit lame and the locations are ordinary (how many times have we seen a classroom in a spanking film?), but this is more than made up for by the sheer intensity of the good parts: The Godfather is a nasty, violent, darkly comical film, even by Lupus standards. While it is definitely not for everyone, fans of the company and their trademark black humour will like it. The frantic finale where the mafiosi storm the school is quite a treat. The CP segments are fairly good throughout. I'm not a huge fan of the wooden paddle myself, but if you are, and if you want to see some really hard whackings with that implement, this is the movie for you.

What You Learned:
This is the first time that I've seen Ester Slaba as a top, and I must say, she is quite formidable. She seems to enjoy the job, her demeanour and tone of voice while bossing around the girls are convincing, and she really dishes it out during the action scenes, too. It shows once again that spanking models are wicked when given the opportunity to switch - obviously, after experiencing as many severe thrashings as Ester, you're not going to be squeamish when you wield the instruments yourself... It's also good to see that she takes her responsibility seriously and manages to be on target, unlike some other Eastern European tops I could mention.

The Kink of Fasting

In March 2008, only two months after having started my blog, I wrote a post for Easter titled Penitentiam Agite!, which I described as "a little BDSM ode to the Church". A year later, I followed it up with Monks and Roses, about the novel The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco, the movie based on it, and the subject of kinky "monks and nuns" fantasies in general. (Those of you who are familiar with Eco's book will notice that I had already taken the title of the 2008 post from it. The line "Penitentiam agite!", Latin for "Do penitence!", plays an important part in the story.)

As I keep saying, I'm an agnostic and I don't have any strong religious convictions. So I can only attribute my fondness for such "Easter posts" to my historian's interest in religions as cultural phenomena (among them, Christianity has shaped our Western culture the most), and to the aforementioned kinky fantasies which were always among my favourites. Also, when I was a kid, I loved the Jesus films which they showed on TV during the Easter holidays. I still do. Epics like The Greatest Story Ever Told, Ben-Hur, Quo Vadis and The Robe. As silly, heavy-handed and historically inaccurate as they often are, there is a grandeur and a gravitas about them that I just like. It's one of my guilty pleasures. (Mind you, my favourite Jesus film of all is Martin Scorsese's controversial and thought-provoking The Last Temptation of Christ, because it is one of the more intellectually interesting ones. Of course, they never show that one on Easter!)

In the real world, of course, away from Hollywood epics and monks-turned-detectives novels, the Church has been heavily in the news this year in a much more somber context. After other countries like the United States or Ireland, Germany now has its own full-blown Catholic sexual abuse scandal. Hardly a day goes by without one of the local papers printing an article about it, with new horror stories coming to light and new victims stepping forward claiming that they were molested by a priest or beaten at a Catholic school years ago. Corporal punishment is great when it happens between kinky, consenting adults, not so great when it comes in the form of real abuse against minors. So, needless to say, I've been following the news with as much sadness and anger as anyone else.

I might actually do a separate post about it sometime. Even though there is a world of difference between a consensual spanking and a non-consensual one, it is an interesting question how we spankos are supposed to feel about and deal with such real abuse cases. Pandora Blake wrote about it not long ago, under the title CorPun.com, and uncomfortable fantasies. Good stuff as usual from Pandora. I might follow it up with a post about my own thoughts on the matter. But not today. I want this year's Easter post to retain the "lighter", fun feel of its predecessors instead.

I'm a little late for Easter, anyway (I only recently returned from a holiday trip with Kaelah, on which I will elaborate next week, because there are some stories to share). And truth be told, I have to stretch the limits of imagination to come up with something that is both on-topic (i.e. at least vaguely kink-related) and fits into the time. After last year's post, I was already worried about running out of Easter ideas. I had written one post about inquisition-inspired kink in general, one about The Name of the Rose... What was I going to do in 2010?

Well, Kaelah gave me the idea. She is a practising Christian. One who has the occasional atheist anxiety attack, but as I keep telling her: "Doubt is a part of belief." Anyway, in the weeks leading up to Easter (what is called Lent), Kaelah fasts for forty days, as many Christians do. She did that last year, just around the time when we started meeting more regularly and our relationship blossomed, and she was going to do it again this year. So I decided to join her in fasting, as a sort of voluntary agnostic gesture of solidarity. Kaelah's reaction was: "Oh, you really don't have to do that..." But I insisted. "I want to give it a try" I said. I thought it might be an interesting experience for me.

Kaelah's form of fasting is that she abstains from sweets - no sweets, no lemonades, no sugared foods or drinks whatsoever. That wouldn't have been a meaningful sacrifice for me, though. Unlike Kaelah, I don't have a problem not eating sweets. The tough thing for me would be quitting meat. I love meat. I probably eat it much more regularly than is healthy. If you've read my answers to the seven deadly sins meme, where I cracked a joke about "lame-ass hippie vegetarians", you already know that (I really don't like vegetarians much, because they use up all the food for my food). So, in order to make this a proper fasting period, something I would find hard to do, I was going to join the lame-asses and the hippies for forty days.

The very first day, I almost slipped. Not out of meat craving, but out of sheer absent-mindedness. I was at the train station and had just missed a train, so I was going to have to wait 20 minutes for the next one. Ah crap, I thought, I'll just grab a turkey sandwich to pass the time. But as I walked up to the nearest snack stand, I remembered, wait a minute, today is the first day of fasting. Does turkey fall into the meat category as well? Of course it does. I had a mozzarella and tomato sandwich instead.

I was never in danger of forgetting it again. Actually, it turns out that I didn't find it very difficult to give up meat. It was surprisingly easy. I think my usual stubborn nature helped me. I had given up smoking a couple of years ago, going from two packs of cigarettes per day to zero, over night. Through willpower alone, without acupuncture or nicotine patches or any of that nonsense. Now that had been hard. But I pulled it off. By comparison, going meatless was almost a cakewalk. Also, it helps when you have someone to share the experience with (or compete against, if that's the way you look at it). Kaelah seemed to have a harder time without sweets than I did without meat, and that obviously pleased me a great deal.

Truth be told, it did get a bit more taxing as time went on. After two or three weeks, you start thinking about how tasty a nice medium-rare steak would be. Or some lamb chops. Or just a slice of salami for breakfast. You really start missing that. Still, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I got to know a lot of new vegetarian recipes that I wouldn't have tried otherwise, and I looked forward to Sunday every week, that special day when you are allowed to interrupt the fasting. I think that was the main effect on me - as Kaelah said, fasting means that you learn to appreciate the things you normally take for granted. It makes you a bit more thankful and aware, I guess.

Other than that, I can't really say much about it now that it is over. Was it a spiritual experience? I wouldn't say that. Interesting, yes, but not an epiphany of any kind. And seeing how it wasn't all that difficult, it is not something I regard as an achievement to be proud of, either. All that said, I think I will do it again next year.

So, it wasn't spiritual, and I don't think I can deliberately misconstrue it as in any way kinky. That is not how it felt at all. However, on an abstract level, it lead me to the following observation: when you come to think about it, you could divide kinky practices into two broad categories. On the one hand, you have practices that center around giving something to another person (like, a jolly good spanking). On the other hand, there are many practices that center around depriving another person of something. Take bondage, for instance - essentially, it means that you deprive someone of the freedom of movement. Or take erotic asphyxiation, for the crazy freaks among you who are into that - you deprive someone of breath. Or take forced chastity, orgasm deprivation. That is very popular with some kinksters as well (I know my old friend Josephine was into it, although we never tried that kind of play together).

None of the "deprivation kinks" mentioned above is really my thing. I have a certain interest in bondage when it is combined with CP, but not so much on its own. As for erotic ashphyxiation or forced chastity, they don't attract me at all. Generally speaking, when I look at myself as a top, I suppose that I see myself as a "giver" rather than a "depriver". Which is not to say that I can't selfishly enjoy what I am doing - I certainly do that. I greatly enjoy spanking, whipping or caning a woman. But my kink centers around this kind of giving (giving pain, giving stripes), not around taking something away.

Of course, you could argue that CP also involves "taking something away", as in taking away someone's state of comfort or state of "painlessness". You could also argue that bondage, erotic ashphyxiation and forced chastity involve giving, as in giving someone that kind of experience. So it is always a matter of personal interpreation, of how that particular practice feels to you. The point I wish to make is that, to me, CP feels like a predominantly giving activity while the other practices I mentioned feel like predominantly depriving ones. That is my self-image of what I do, and of what I want to do.

I'm not sure what that says about me, if anything. As of yet, my thoughts haven't even coalesced into what you could call an armchair theory. But the fasting got me started, gave me the idea about "giving" versus "depriving" kinks, and I think it is an interesting distinction to examine. Maybe we can tell a fair bit about us as people by looking at which kind of kink we prefer, and why that might be. In any case, I'm not postulating that one is in any way superior to the other. The term "giving" might sound nicer to some people's ears than "depriving", which might sound vaguely wicked. But this is not an association I wish to create. As we all know, giving someone a caning can be a pretty wicked thing... I use the terms in a purely descriptive manner.

All that as it may be, I'm glad that I can eat steaks again. I am also glad to be back at blogging. Blogging wasn't among the things I planned to abstain from during Lent, but it somehow turned out that way (I'm sure you were well entertained by Kaelah during my absence, though). I am still figuring out how to balance my academic work, my relationship and my public kinky existence. It's great to have all three in my life now, but things were certainly a bit less cramped when I only had two.

Also, to be honest, my motivation for writing hasn't been all that high in recent weeks. If there was one thing I didn't want to start the new blogging year with, it's another long-winded debate about the morality or immorality of Eastern European spanking videos. The debates here and elsewhere were certainly necessary in light of the events in video land, they were fairly interesting and (to me) surprisingly civil for the most part. But I've done it all before, you see. I suppose we have to go through it once per year for people to reiterate their viewpoints and vent their feelings.

Well, that topic is ticked off for the time being (I will keep you updated about the Mood affair if I hear any news). There are other things I have in the pipeline now, things I originally wanted to post during the spring season, and I trust that it will be worth your while. Stay tuned.

In closing for today, and coming back to the subject of fasting: I recommend you try it sometime. It wasn't exactly a kinky experience for me, but it might be for you. At the least, it might give you some interesting new impressions. Try giving up sweets or meat or alcohol for forty days. Whatever is hard for you.

Now, of course, the really tough thing for all of us perverts - far tougher than anything else - would be to abstain from spanking. Could you do that? For forty days, breaking the abstinence only on Sundays? it wouldn't be easy, but I probably could - I have phases when I'm not feeling particularly kinky, anyway. A few days here, a week there. So, let's go one better: let's give up spanking for forty straight days. I'm talking about no play, no video watching, no blog reading... And no other, "substitute" kinks of any kind, either. Surely, that would be a major challenge.

On the plus side, think about how good the first indulgence would feel on the forty-first day. What a newfound appreciation it would give you for all that you've been missing. Maybe that would be the Kink of Fasting.

Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2010): Does Your Mother Know?

One question many spankos ask themselves is whether they’re going to tell their families and vanilla friends about their kink. In Ludwig’s and my case this topic raised special challenges, especially for Ludwig, because before we met and even today we deal with that question differently. Ludwig usually strictly separates his kinky from his vanilla life. When I started exploring the world of spanking, I was fascinated by all the new things I found on the internet. Since I didn’t have contact to any spankos at the time, I decided to tell family members and vanilla friends about my journey. Not all of them, but actually a lot of people. Some of them even not so intimate friends of mine.

Their reactions were remarkable. None of them was really shocked. Most of the people I told about the kinky world were genuinely interested and asked for more information to understand what it was all about. Although the majority of my friends couldn’t imagine why being spanked should be sexually stimulating, they didn’t make fun of me. And many of them told me very exciting intimate stories about themselves in return. So, I’ve learned about Kama Sutra, threesomes, anal sex and fetishes for stockings. I’m very happy that my friends trust me like that and I’m very thankful for all the mind-opening insights they’ve given me.

The “most negative” reaction I got was someone telling me that knowing about my kink was okay, while more detailed and intimate information would be a bit too much. The same person helped me to find a kinky book when we went to a book store together, though. So, as you can see, there wasn’t really a big problem there.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell everyone whom I would have liked to include into the members circle of “those who know”. Actually, I think that I can distinguish two main categories of people, those whom I expect to be able to deal with my kink and those who, to my mind, can’t. The first group can be divided into very close family members and friends and those people who aren’t that close. The former are the ones who knew from the very beginning and whom I talk to about my kink till this day. Some of the latter might also know that I’m a spanko, but today I usually don’t talk with them about this topic any more. That’s not because I’m ashamed of my kink. But, first of all, I now have Ludwig and other spankos to talk to. And, secondly, my kinky thoughts today are usually related to Ludwig and I have become more selective – not everyone has to know about our intimate stories!

The group of those I’m afraid couldn’t deal with knowing about my kink can be divided into three subgroups: People I wouldn’t call friends, friends, and those people I feel especially close to. I don’t bother about the first group at all, I simply don’t tell them and I trust those who know not to tell anyone else. And I also simply don’t speak about these intimate erotic topics with the friends who might be disturbed if I told them about my kinky life. That’s because I don’t see why I should unnecessarily irritate them. I don’t lie to them, either, they know for example that Ludwig and I met each other via internet and that we were chatting about very personal topics. But I spare them the details and they don’t ask for further information. I recently realised that some of them even seem to have quite a good guess on what kind of personal topics I mean. They seem to be absolutely okay with it, which makes me very happy. But still, I’m of the opinion that knowing the whole story would be a bit too much for them, so I just keep it that way.

The ones I’m really sad about are those I feel very close to, but who I think couldn’t deal. There are very few of them, but there is at least one person. I’ve thought about it for a long time and sometimes I still list up the pros and cons in my mind. But at the moment I’m quite sure that the possible positive outcome doesn’t outweigh the risks. If someone I love were deeply shocked because of my sexual orientation, what do I win? Okay, I could speak openly about something I consider to be an important part of my life. I could talk about my kinky friends, the blog and how Ludwig and I met. But if that resulted in someone fearing for me, not knowing how to treat me and maybe even thinking that Ludwig might do me harm, is that a price worth paying? I’ve made the decision that from my point of view the price is too high. And I also don’t want the people I love to pay such a high price for just a bit of knowledge. My kink doesn’t make another person out of me. It’s a sexual preference, something very intimate most adults don’t share even with their closest family members and friends. I don’t know such intimate details about some very close persons, either, and I don’t have the feeling that I have to know. Of course, in my case, other things I do are related to my kink and I can’t talk about them 100 per cent openly, either. I think that is the most difficult part.

The two things that really bother me about not telling close people are that they might hear about it from someone else or that I might regret not having told them after they’re dead. In the first case, having told them from the very beginning and taking them with me on my journey step by step might have caused less harm than them being told about my whole exploration by someone else. And someone might feel betrayed realising that less close people knew about it. In the second case it would be too late to change my mind and I might have to live with regrets for the rest of my life.

I’m very aware of the finite nature of our lives at the moment, because I’ve just lost three very close family members within ten months. One of them is my mum. She was a wonderful person, a loving and caring mother and my closest confidant. She fought a very brave fight against illness and I tried to support her as best as I could. But finally, all I could do was to make sure that she was surrounded by her beloved ones, hold her hand and tell her that it was okay to let go and come to rest.

My mother knew EVERYTHING about my kinky journey and I’m very glad she did! When Ludwig and I started exchanging mails I read my mails to her on the phone asking whether everything was clear and good the way I had written it. She couldn’t imagine how being spanked could be an erotic experience, but she completely trusted and supported me. The singing bowl Ludwig and I used in our first play was a present I got from her. I’m not sure whether I’ll ever be a mother who is at least half as great and supportive as she was. I miss her so much! I’m very sad, but also incredibly thankful for all the things she taught me, the wonderful time we had and the fact that nothing between us is left unsaid. I think she really deserves to be on this blog. So, this is for you, Mum, thank you for everything!

Movie Review: Drug Patrol

Producer:
Pain4Fem (released in 2005)

Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:

Drug smugglers receive spankings and enemas from the cops

Victim Appeal:
After Bordello Patrol, this is volume two of Pain4Fem's "police stories", a series chronicling the exploits of Austrian policeman Karl Schwenk and his female assistant in the seedy underground of Vienna. Naturally, Schwenk is portrayed by company owner Peter Schober, and the female assistant this time is lovely Dominika, one of P4F's main stars. Alas, she only acts here and doesn't get spanked. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. As kinky videos go, she's not a bad actress.

The two female victims go by the names of Nina and Sandra. To my knowledge, this is their only appearance ever in a spanking flick, with Pain4Fem or anyone else. Red-haired Nina is obviously a native German speaker. It's the first time that I've seen a German working with P4F. She also seems a bit older than their average model, probably in her early thirties. Sandra is Czech, blond, and somewhat on the chubby side. I like her looks, and Nina's too. While they aren't quite as eye-candyish as some others I could think of, it's nice to see two women in a spanking flick for a change, rather than "girls".

Gratuitous Sadism:
The movie opens with the same intro as Bordello Patrol: Mozart's "Eine kleine Nachtmusik" plays over travelogue shots of Vienna, then the music morphs into a typical police thriller theme and we see Peter Schober doing his best cop impression, pointing a gun at the camera. It's cheesy stuff alright, but fun. Actually, "cheesy" is the word of the day here. I've seen plenty of ridiculous scripts in CP films, but Drug Patrol really takes the prize: the "Most Whacky Excuse for Giving Out a Few Spankings and an Enema" award.

As you can imagine, Sandra and Nina play drug smugglers. In their attire, they look more like hookers, but never mind. (How does a drug smuggler look, anyway? I don't know. Coming to think of it, I don't know any hookers, either.) The two of them get arrested by Schwenk and his assistant while they are hanging around at a children's playground, of all places. How's that for fear-mongering stereotypes perpetrated by - not against - kinky videos!

From then on, it's interrogation time at the police station. First off, they tie Sandra to a bench and Schwenk canes her. I don't know if this is supposed to be standard, legal procedure in the parallel universe depicted here, or police brutality. Who cares? She whimpers nicely. By my count, Sandra gets 45 strokes - this doesn't seem to be one of the P4F titles where they repeat strokes from different camera angles. In the end, she confesses that the drugs are hidden in her partner's rectum. Thank God she confessed! They probably would never have found them otherwise!

So, Nina is next. Schwenk puts her in the diaper position and thrashes her bottom with a wooden spoon. Apparently, he does this to get her to confirm where the drugs are. Why does he need confirmation? Why doesn't he just look? I gave up trying to make sense of the plot by this time. After a merry three minutes with the spoon, Nina admits: "I have them in my arse!" The cops give her an enema to "flush out" the drugs. Would that really work? Actually, I don't want to know. For the grand finale, they tie Nina to the leather-clad bench, her arms and legs spread in all four directions, and Schwenk gives her a severe caning that covers her newly drug-free arse with dark red stripes. After 32 strokes, he switches to another, heavier cane for 6 more.

In both Sandra's and Nina's caning scenes, Schwenk stops from time to time to spray some "salt water" over their welts. I find it theatrical and a bit silly, but I suppose it should be lauded as a flash of creativity nonetheless.

Best Reactions:
The Pain4Fem website states about Drug Patrol: "The extreme severity of the canings during the interrogation may make your skin crawl. This video is not for the fainthearted." In this case, there is some truth to the bombastic advertising lingo. While the film doesn't reach the viciousness of the other Eastern European producers, the scene with Nina is among the hardest which Pain4Fem have ever done. Her blood-curdling screams make for the most enjoyable reactions in the video, too.

Best Line:
When Schwenk gets frustrated with the first drug smuggler he interrogates, the Czech woman, he announces that a round of "special treatment" (read: a thrashing) is in order, and adds: "You will talk, believe me. Even in German. You will speak every language!"

Nice Psychological Touch:
In the opening scene, Schwenk is shown sitting around in the police station, reading a Mickey Mouse comic book. I'm still trying to figure out what that is. Product placement? Self-deprecating humour? An unexpected artistic statement of some kind?

How Good Is It Really?
I have mixed feelings about this one. It is not a bad spanking video. Actually, it has quite a few things going for it. Peter Schober is a natural at playing the brutal cop. Nina seemed to be into her role as well, and Dominika looked gorgeous standing in the background. The action scenes are good. All in all, a very solid effort.

I guess my complaint about Drug Patrol is that, given the potential, it could have been a lot better still. They had a German model, someone who speaks the same language as Peter Schober. But they didn't do much with it - in terms of story and dialogue, the film is uninspired, even by spanking porn standards. The final caning scene, while hard, is also a bit disappointing. It is just too slow and too talky. Sure, it's nice to see a thrashing where the players aren't totally mute, but their repetitive exchanges of "Where are your drug suppliers?" and "I can't tell you!" get boring fast. The gimmick of rubbing "salt water" into the spankee's welts is overused, too.

What You Learned:
The more I watch Pain4Fem's "police stories" series, with its illegal immigrant prostitutes and drug smugglers who hang around at children's playgrounds, the more I realise that Peter Schober is for spanking films what Ted Nugent is for rock music. I mean, the guy should have been a policeman. Or a judge. Or a law-and-order politician. Or, better still, all of those at the same time, so that he can combine executive, judiciary and legislative powers in one person. That would be awesome. Well, in a movie, not in real life!

To Everything There Is A Season

So, this is it. The last day of winter! No more lonely walks in the snow. No more breathing the cold, clear winter air. What’s better than enjoying the sight of a peaceful landscape lying quietly under a white blanket glistening in the sun?

Following the tracks of rabbits, squirrels and deer into the woods. Becoming one with nature. No other people around. Except maybe for that strange guy who is living here in the woods all alone. Well, at least that’s the story being told in the village. But that’s just a legend, isn’t it???

When you find out the truth, it is of course much too late! He’ll grab you from behind, fight you down, rip off your clothes and shred them into pieces. A few minutes later you’ll find yourself tied to a tree, completely naked and cold. At first you might try to get him on your side with a shy smile.

But that won’t impress him at all. He’ll walk around you, inspecting his prey from every side. And he’ll enjoy your shivering and that special expression on your face, once you realise that no one will hear you scream, except maybe for some rabbits, squirrels and deer.

And then he’ll step behind you. When you turn around you’ll recognize the single-tail in his hand. And you'll know that you’re going nowhere, until he decides to let you go…

Well, thinking about it, spring is a nice time of the year, too, isn’t it? ;-)

Kaelah's Corner (Feb 2010): In The Mood

When I first heard about the Mood Pictures / Elite Pain (Mood/EP) raid, I didn’t think anything of it. Actually, I already saw the storyline for Mood’s next film after the whole affair would have been cleared up, maybe titled "Extreme Porn". The story would have been like this: Two beautiful, young but starving girls answer to a newspaper advertisement, promising them good money for an erotic photo and video shoot. They end up in the arms of a vile film crew (consisting of three equally beautiful and young girls) who abuse poor girls for the production of extremely hard spanking movies. Once in the studio the two girls are immediately tied down and thrashed with a strap and a cane. But help is already on the way in form of a SWAT team (a man and two young dommes in oversized uniforms) storming the building and taking the sinister film crew down. They decide to give the film crew a taste of their own medicine. And so the movie ends with three more severe beatings and justice is served once again…

But then it became more and more clear that this obviously wasn’t just a little intermezzo. It rather seems to be the end of the company. I haven’t taken part in the discussions that followed the news about the raid, yet. However, I wrote down my thoughts three weeks ago. At first I planned to post them as a comment on Ludwig’s Mood Pictures Raided By Police post. But I had so many things on my mind that the final text was much too long for publishing it as a comment. I finally decided to post it as the next edition of Kaelah’s Corner, although the discussion has almost ended by now. But it’s a very personal piece of writing and posting it is important for me. So, here it goes:

I’ve been reluctant to take part in the discussion about the Mood/EP raid, not because it doesn’t move me, but because I have so many thoughts on my mind and I’m deeply emotionally involved in the whole affair. So, my comment will be very personal and not only analytical and impartial. Since my position is neither 100 per cent pro Mood/EP nor against them, I’m afraid that people on both sides might misinterpret my statements. But the topic dominates my thoughts so much that it keeps me from doing other things which are more important from an objective point of view. So, I finally decided to write down my ideas on the topic and to sort out my mind. I’ll try to separate personal thoughts about Mood/EP’s products (which to my mind might influence my point of view in the discussion and therefore should be mentioned, but can’t be a base for judging the current case) from the moral/ethical and legal issues (which are the really important points of the discussion).


My personal relationship and thoughts about Mood/EP:

I have to admit that this company was one of the reasons I’ve shed lots of tears during the last year. I don’t know how often I cried about Mood/EP related issues, but I’m very sure that I’ve shed x-times as many tears as all the girls together in one of their films. The reason for that is quite simple: While Ludwig is a (albeit critical) fan of especially Mood’s work, their newer movies are far beyond my personal limits concerning the severity of the beatings and the marks. So, when I watched the trailers of Inmates part one and two, the movie in which Ludwig worked as a top for Mood Pictures, it made me cry heavily. The same happened more than once, when I read one of Ludwig’s reviews highly praising a certain scene and then looked at the pictures going along with it. My gut feel told me that this looked too extreme, but since I hadn’t done such a severe scene myself, I knew that I wasn’t in a position to judge the movies.

And a lot of facts didn’t support my bad feeling, for example the medical aftercare and Ludwig’s first hand experiences of the girls making jokes after the spankings were over. I desperately wanted to understand (and preferably even share) Ludwig’s enthusiasm, but instead I just felt very sad when I read something about the films or saw some pictures. I couldn’t even watch Inmates, because I knew I would end up crying and choking. Even worse, I also felt threatened by the movies. While Ludwig has been critical about certain aspects about Mood/EP, some of their (especially older) movies contain some of his favourite spanking scenes on film. In his reviews he often complimented the girls for their beauty and erotic reactions. So, from my point of view, those girls gave my boyfriend an erotic stimulation I wasn’t able to give him. It made me feel inferior to those girls and caused a lot more tears, although Ludwig always told me that our sexual experiences were completely different from and much more important than watching a movie and that whether or not I would one day do such a hard scene wasn’t important for our relationship as mates.

Still, all those different thoughts and emotions remained there. So, I finally decided that there was only one way out of the dilemma: Doing a Mood-style fifty strokes caning myself. Only that way would I be able to judge the movies based on personal experiences instead of a vague gut feel, maybe reduce the problems I had with the movies and at the same time give Ludwig a very special present and hopefully feel equal to the models afterwards. I did the scene December last year and wrote about it in the January edition of Kaelah’s Corner. My first hope did come true, I now feel much more capable of judging the severity of the movies.

Unfortunately, aim number two and three weren’t achieved. First of all, my reactions weren’t as sexy as the reactions of some of the girls starring in the movie scenes Ludwig likes best. The whole scene from his point of view was as sexy as those scenes. But still, my reactions were (partially) not as sexy as those of some models. Well, given the fact that Mood/EP have made hundreds of scenes and I had just one shot this isn’t much of a surprise, is it? But still, the feeling of the movies remaining threatening didn’t fade. The thought of Ludwig telling me about a new scene in one of the movies that blew him away or guest-starring in another Mood film scared me to death. And the problems I had with the bad gut feel about the films? Well, after having done my own severe scene I watched both parts of Inmates. And I didn’t cry once during the whole movie! Unfortunately, I cried like mad afterwards… The only difference is now, that I can clearly distinguish the parts that have to do with my personal taste from those parts that have to do with moral issues I have with their practises. So, time to change to that more objective (and concerning the current issue only important) part of the discussion.


My appraisal of different moral/judicial aspects concerning Mood/EP:

Employing vanilla models:

To my mind, this is neither a legal nor a moral issue. We are talking about the production of a spanking porn movie, aren’t we? In my opinion this is nothing but a business. The girls are hired by the producer for a job that’s specified in a contract signed by both parties. Having fun isn’t part of a business contract, as far as I know. It sure isn’t in the contract I have with my employer… Of course I can understand that many people find spanking movies with kinky models much more interesting. And it would also be easier for me to have a good feeling about the films if I could tell myself that the girls were enjoying it because they were kinky. But I don’t see any moral issues against hiring vanillas. And, by the way, not every kinky girl would enjoy such a hard scene, either. I certainly didn’t enjoy that fifty strokes caning! I even was afraid that in case it turned out to be a very negative experience it might influence my whole kink and my sexual life negatively. Luckily, it didn’t turn out to be that bad, but it could have happened…

Financial situation of the models:

This is a point Ludwig is very concerned of. He even asked Pedro about the reasons why the girls worked for Mood/EP and whether they desperately needed the money, before he decided to work for them as a top. Pedro told him that most of the girls didn’t need the money to earn their basic living, they used it as some extra money. I have to admit that I wouldn’t even have objections against hiring girls who haven’t a huge financial background as long as they don’t do it out of the combination of a) starving and b) having no alternative job they could do in order to earn their basic living. As long as the girls have a real choice whether they want to do a job like that or not I don’t have any moral objections against hiring them.

Informed consent:

This is one of the most important aspects in my view. To me informed consent requires two things: The girls have to be told and / or shown precisely what they sign up for and they must have the chance to quit any time they want. I think the first point is widely agreed upon, but the second point has been discussed from different points of view. The question was: Is it okay when the girls sign a contract explicitly excluding the use of a safeword or, in other words, can they consent to a certain number of strokes in advance without being given the chance to stop the whole thing during the spanking. I’m of the opinion that, talking about a job for a company, the answer must be no!

Again, we are not talking about a private BDSM-session, in which a bottom wants to make a special experience by playing without a safeword. We are talking about the production of commercial spanking porn. In this context the only reason for not using a safeword would be to protect the producer from not being able to use a scene because the girl decided to quit. And to my mind, the safety and the freedom of choice of the employee in this case is more important than the business interests of the company. I’m of the opinion that a company has to take more care for the safety of their employees than people might do in a similar private situation. This also applies to all the different businesses in the world. For example: When I decide to clean my windows using an old rickety latter that’s my free choice. But a window cleaning company using the same method could be sued for not providing their employees with safe equipment.

But, how have the practises of Mood/EP really been? When Ludwig worked for them, he was told that they didn’t have any safewords. Instead, they had a nurse looking after the girls’ condition and stopping a scene if necessary. From my point of view, this is morally objectionable, because the nurse can’t really see the mental state of a girl she doesn’t know and therefore the girls must have a chance to stop the scene.

In practice, of course, the girls did have the chance to stop a scene, as Ludwig experienced. They just had to talk to the producer out of character and the scene was interrupted. That happened several times during Ludwig’s shoot. No moral objections, then? I don’t think so. After having done a Mood-style caning myself I can tell you that for me it was a very extreme situation, both physically and mentally. Short message to all the guys out there rambling about Mood/EP not being extreme because there are even more extreme films out there: Please, go to the dominatrix next door and try it yourself before shouting your mouth off! The same applies of course to all those who condemn Mood/EP without having a clue what they are talking about.

I am kinky and I had been spanked before (I even had tasted a few equally hard strokes before), but 50 very hard strokes is something completely different. I wasn’t able to predict my reactions and mindset, and I guess that the reactions and mindset can also differ very much at different times. The situation was so demanding that I wasn’t able to communicate my physical and mental status in a differentiated manner, like I can under normal circumstances. That’s why I am of the opinion that there must be a very clear and very easy to remember safeword to protect the models.

Maybe 99 per cent of them won’t need it because they are very well capable of calling the name of the director when they need a break. But, again, I have moral objections against low safety standards, especially in an environment where the models make themselves that vulnerable. There even was one situation during Ludwig’s shoot which proves my point of view: Tammy, the second girl he was caning, asked for a break several times by starting a discussion with the director. A few strokes before the caning was over she shouted “Stop!" again. This time she didn’t directly start a discussion out of character, though. She remained silent afterwards. It wasn't clear that she really wanted to interrupt the scene. So, the assistant director gave Ludwig a sign to continue, and he gave Tammy the last couple of strokes.

We discussed that topic a long time ago and I told Ludwig that to my mind it wasn’t okay to continue in that unclear situation. He agreed and also wrote about the change in his point of view in several comments already. Obviously, the girl was alright afterwards. She did a second movie with Mood a short time later. But still, I have moral objections against company practises that lead to such borderline situations.

The current accusations are very different from Ludwig’s experiences. The woman says that she hadn’t been informed accurately of what was laying ahead of her and that a safeword which both sides explicitly agreed upon was ignored. I don’t know the Hungarian laws, but I’m quite sure that if those accusations are true, it isn’t only a moral but also definitely a legal issue. The thing is, however, that although I’m very critical about Mood/EP, it doesn’t seem to be very realistic. As I’ve written above there have been borderline situations which I already find morally objectionable, but there has been a chance to get a break or to quit (one of the girls at Ludwig’s shoot quit after only a few strokes). Well, according to Pedro’s mail the scene as well as an interview that was made beforehand are on tape, so it should be quite easy to reveal the truth!

Safety:

I already mentioned the models’ safety in the context of safewords. There are more aspects belonging into that category: Cleanliness, medical care and the risk of permanent harm. From Ludwig’s report about his shoot it seems that concerning the first two points Mood has been exemplary. Canes weren’t allowed to lie on the floor because that would have increased the risks of one of the models getting an infection. And there was the nurse who looked after the girls and applied medical aftercare when a scene was over.

But concerning the risk of permanent bodily harm I have objections against Mood’s practises. First of all, the insecurity and inaccuracy of some of their tops caused a higher risk of strokes hitting delicate spots like the kidneys. That was also one of Ludwig’s strongest critical arguments concerning Mood’s practises. And they did severe whippings on the lower back and things like that, which to my mind caused unacceptable risks for the models. These safety issues in combination with the safeword discussion are the reasons why I have been of the opinion that Mood/EP shouldn’t be allowed to continue to produce movies the way they did.

In the current accusations these safety issues don’t seem to be mentioned. We’ll have to see how far these things are used in the trial in favour or against Mood/EP. It seems that the presence of a nurse has already been mentioned negatively: "They were so brutal, they even needed a nurse." I definitely have a completely different view on that point, for me it is one of the things that speak for Mood/EP.

Legal situation in Hungary:

I have to admit that I don’t know the legal situation concerning the porn production in Hungary. Is producing severe spanking porn legal in Hungary? I think the trial will give us an answer to that question. I don’t want to speculate on that point without the knowledge that would be necessary for that discussion.


My personal conclusions:

Given my personal taste and thoughts about Mood/EP and the moral issues I have with their work, I should be one of the happiest persons in the world now that they seem to be history. However, I am not! I would have been very glad if someone had checked their practises and given them additional requirements in order to increase the models’ safety and reduce the risk of one of the girls suffering harm. Furthermore, I had hoped that they would have reduced the severity of their movies at least a bit in the future (to the severity level they had a few years ago). My biggest aesthetic issue was that the beatings had become constantly more severe (leading to heavier, bloodier and longer lasting marks) without rewarding the higher suffering of the girls by putting more effort into producing a high quality product concerning the shoot of the action scenes and the surrounding story. But, as I already said, that is just personal taste. Due to the moral and especially safety aspects discussed above I didn’t approve of Mood’s current practises and was of the opinion that they shouldn’t be allowed to go on like that. But had I been sure that the models’ safety was intensely taken care of, then I would have preferred Mood/EP to exist as long as they would have liked to.

The main reason I’m not happy now is that it seems to me that this isn’t about objectively inspecting Mood/EP’s practises as producers of spanking porn, like did they do enough for the safety of their employees, did they give them the free choice to quit whenever they wanted and so on. The accusations, the TV-team accompanying the SWAT team, the contradictory records, Pedro’s mails – it all doesn’t really fit. If the accusations are true then to my mind it is completely okay that Mood/EP are history. But somehow I’ve got the feeling that Mood/EP have already been found guilty even before the evidence is secured and checked. So, I’m sitting here with a very bad gut feeling and some personal and some moral issues, this time against how the case "Mood/EP" is dealt with…