Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Jun 2018):

This is just a short post to let you know that Ludwig and I are okay and to say sorry for not having published your comments in the past weeks. The reason why there haven't been any new posts is that we had another medical emergency in our close family, which sadly led to the death of a loved one this time. Ludwig and I haven't even had much time to grieve, yet, because we are buried in the organisational stuff that comes with losing a family member. In the upcoming weeks we won't have much time to catch our breath, either, so my next Kaelah's Corner post probably will be the first occasion on which I will be able to write another post.

I will definitely moderate your comments in the coming weeks, though! The problem was that Blogger for some reason decided to not send any notification mails about new comments anymore, neither to me nor to Ludwig, even though we hadn't changed anything in the settings. I checked my mails regularly, but didn't see any new comments awaiting publication. So I thought there weren't any. My explanation was that my last Kaelah's Corner post was the first in a series, so maybe our readers would wait and only comment on the later posts.

It was Gustofur's mail that alarmed me and made me find all the unmoderated comments on Blogger. Thank you very much, Gustofur! And thanks to Stephen.sir99 for having created a nickname and for not having given up commenting. I will reply to your comments in more detail, as soon as I find the time, but I want to use this post to at least already say thank you to those who shared their thoughts and own experiences on my last post – Gustofur, Steven.sir99, Canelover and Val. And to the anonymous commenter who informed me about the video clips that don't work anymore: thanks a lot for the notification. Ludwig and I will re-upload the clips as soon as we can, but due to all the work we have here, it might be a little while.

So much for now. Sorry about the silence, and please stay tuned! By the way, the comment notification seems to be working again now. I found out that it was a general issue with Blogger which many other users experienced as well, but apparently, it can be fixed by deleting the email adresses in the settings and then re-adding them. I've tried that and hope it really works (I've already got my first notifications)!

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Mai 2018):
New Horizons

In my last Kaelah's Corner posts, I wrote about stretching my boundaries in the field of how much I show of myself on this blog. Today I would like to start another series of posts on a related topic, another field in which I have defined my limits new and gained so much from it that it can hardly be expressed accurately.

There has always been one form of kinky play about which I have read accounts with great interest, but always knew that it wouldn't be for me. What I am talking about are scenes without a safeword. Now, as Adele Haze once aptly explained on her now-defunct blog, strictly seen there is no such thing as kinky play without a safeword. Because as soon as one participant says something along the lines of "I herewith withdraw my consent. Everything that happens from now on is harassment," that means the scene has to stop immediately, no matter what was agreed upon beforehand.

But nonetheless many fellow kinksters have taken part in spankings or related kinky activities where no explicit safeword was agreed upon and where it even was the understanding of all participants that safewording was not expected to happen. For some this is the setting when it comes to real life discipline. Others also do play scenarios which are explicitly declared as having no safeword. For instance, Emma Jane wrote a report about such a scene here several years ago. Those scenes are usually very dark, designed to take the bottoms to their limits and beyond.

When I read about scenes like that, a part of me always asked why someone would put themselves up to anything like that, given that in real life there are enough dark and sad situations where we don't have much control, anyway. But I understood that there was a difference between those dark scenes and reality. First of all, the participants trusted the tops they played with to make sure that no real harm was caused. And from the description of the bottoms it became clear that they weren't really broken after the scene was over. Instead they seemed to be flying, getting stronger from having survived the experience. And they were caught by the tops who, as soon as the scene was over, pampered them and made sure they were okay.

That was the part that always somehow intrigued me. I knew that for me, setting myself up for such a dark scenario would do nothing good. I would simply be broken and not flying afterwards. And I have made too many experiences with panic attacks in real life situations where I only had limited control for experiences like that to have any appeal for me. Still, I always wondered whether there could be a scenario in which I would experience something similar and gain the same feeling of strength and happiness.

Today I know that this scenario really exists. I have been through it and it resembled nothing I had experienced in my life until then. It was of course different in some ways from what my fellow kinksters described in their play reports. But when I thought about it afterwards, it came to me in how many regards my experience resembled what I had read from others.

In my next posts I will write more about what happened. And I think you are going to understand what I am talking about. For now, I would like to ask you how you feel about kinky play “without a safeword” and about real-life events that require giving up control. Under which conditions would you be willing to set yourself up for either of them? Have you ever gained a lot by doing it? I would be very glad to read about your thoughts and experiences in the comment section!

Monday, May 21, 2018

Sucking the Boss Cock

Recently we had a music industry scandal in Germany, involving a music award and some rappers. I don't want to go into any details here, but the reason I am telling you about this is that it inspired Ludwig to look at some German rap lyrics (he doesn't usually listen to that kind of music).

He told me later how dumb he found many of them. There was one line which was so ridiculous that he kind of liked it, though, because it made him laugh. In one of his songs, one rapper fantasized that his bitch (or however he might choose to call the love of his life) should suck the "boss cock" (which apparently is the nickname for his little willy).

The line was so over the top that it sounded quite funny. What made it even weirder was the fact that the line itself was in German, but contained the wonderful phrase "boss cock" in English! For me it would be really hard to take a guy seriously who talks like that, but I am afraid the creator of this line might actually believe that it sounds ultra hard and cool...

However, his discovery obviously triggered Ludwig's fantasies. When we were about to have some fun one evening, he told me in his tongue-in-cheek way: "So, come on now, suck the boss cock! I bet you would enjoy that, wouldn't you?"

That was the point were the difference between rapper fantasy and reality set in, though! Because his words did not, actually, result in the desired action, but in me pulling Ludwig over my knee, taking down his pants and spanking his naked bottom with my hand, making him squirm. I love that I can create reactions from him with a hand spanking, given that Ludwig can take a severe caning rather stoically! He always tells me that he doesn't know why my little hands (I really have to take children's sizes when I buy gloves) feel like iron. I took my time and continued until my hand hurt quite a bit as well.

After I was done and Ludwig's backside had a nice red glow (just like my hand), I made of course sure that Ludwig got some pleasure, too. After all, I am no big mean rapper lady who refers to her private bits as her boss pussy and believes that her guy should only serve her. But unfortunately for Ludwig (to be honest, I think he is quite happy about that), I am not very submissive, either, and so I prefer to give my husband pleasure under my conditions and not because I'm told to suck the boss cock.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Apr 2018):
Out Of Control?

In my last two Kaelah's Corner posts I explained why I had decided not to show my boobies in my pictures when I started blogging and publishing kinky photos of myself and why I have become more open in that regard nowadays. One of the main issues which I discussed in these posts was the factor of trying to keep control.

I think that having control is often just an illusion when it comes to our lives in general. That becomes painfully obvious when a loved one suddenly gets seriously ill or we unexpectedly lose our job or when we are confronted with crime, terrorism and war. But in my opinion not being able to control everything in our life doesn't mean we shouldn't have dreams, make plans and try to give our life a direction we like.

I think it is wise to take into consideration that things might not always turn out as planned, though, and to stay open-minded. In that regard, I believe that being aware that we can't always be in control actually gives us more control because we stay open enough to recognize unexpected chances and to use them. For example, take a woman who sadly loses her job, but suddenly realises that this is her chance to go into a different field of work that always appealed to her but seemed too big of a leap as long as she had her old, well-paying job. Or a man who becomes very ill and starts thinking about the things he hasn't done, yet, but would love to do. And after fighting the illness he decides to go on a trip around the globe because he has realised that this is something he wants to do from deep within his heart.

And then there are those things in life where we have to deliberately give up control in order to gain something we really want. Giving birth is such a situation. In order for the child to be born, the mother has to open up and hand over control to her body. And all future parents voluntarily jump into a situation that is completely new to them and where they can't control beforehand which challenges they will be confronted with or how that will make them feel. But the wish of having a child is so strong that it seems worth taking the risk.

When it comes to kink, control of course is an important factor, too. As a top, I like the aspect of being in control. Not in a way that I really want to have control over someone who wants to give up responsibilities. But in the way that I like to have control in a setting with a clearly defined framework that was agreed upon beforehand. And with that control I love to provoke reactions, not only reactions to pain, but also – in my intimate play with Ludwig – reactions of arousal.

As a bottom I am a person who openly admits to top from the bottom. I am not interested in letting another person do something to me which I don't enjoy or don't have agreed upon beforehand. That said, both in my more BDSM-centred fantasies as well as in my sexual play with Ludwig, I love the idea of giving up control in certain ways, for instance by being bound. But that's not because I enjoy the feeling of being helpless. Quite the contrary: Being the passive part allows me to completely focus on myself and my own pleasure instead of being in charge of organizing things for myself and others as I usually am.

And what about publishing kinky pictures and videos? As I wrote in my last Kaelah's Corner posts, I had to accept that it is impossible to keep control of what others do with the photos and clips. And I think that I would most probably never have published any kinky pictures of myself if Ludwig hadn't done it before. In the beginning, the only reason I decided to show my face in pictures and videos was because I didn't want to remain Ludwig's faceless girlfriend here on the blog.

Initially, the fact that I couldn't control what others said about or did with my photos and clips scared me. In a way, it made me feel helpless. But I also came to realise how much I enjoyed creating beautiful pictures and bringing to life kinky fantasies. So I became more open over time, despite the lack of complete control.

When I posted a nude picture showing my breast in my last Kaelah's Corner post, an anonymous commenter wrote in a very thoughtful comment: "Did you feel like you were giving up control or more like you were gaining it? In the photo it seems like you are completely at ease and have full control. Maybe ironically when we think we lose control is when we most gain it?"

I think the observation is correct and we often gain more control by accepting to give it up in certain regards. I still have my personal boundaries when it comes to the questions which pictures I publish and I think that is good and important. But accepting that I can't control how others use my photos has made me feel much less helpless and therefore given me more freedom to publish the pictures I like without having to ponder the question what others will think, say or do with them.

And having jumped into the whole adventure in the first place most certainly made me gain more than I could possibly lose through the pictures I've posted. Because the creative process itself and the compliments I have received on the finished photos and clips have made me feel more womanly, sexy and self-confident than I would ever have thought possible. So, I want to take this chance to wholeheartedly thank all of you for that!

How about you? What role does the issue of control play in your life, your kink and your behaviour as a member of the kinky online community? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Ten Per Cent Is Not Nothing

A few weeks ago, Ludwig and I had a little discussion. We had to pay a bill and the question was who would pay how much of it. As you all know, we are married. But we still haven't thrown all of our money together. Instead, we share the costs for our daily lives and the things we buy depending on what it is. Sometimes it's 50/50 (travel costs, for instance), sometimes only one of us pays (because it's something only one of us uses), sometimes we share costs according to our current respective income (living expenses), and so on.

I suggested that we should share the costs of said bill 50/50. Ludwig suggested a different formula which he considered to be more fair given how much each of us had used what we were paying for. "Hey, you just want to save money!" I jokingly complained. "According to that formula, you'll end up paying far less than half!" Ludwig maintains that I said "you'll end up paying almost nothing", but I disagree. In any case, we didn't discuss the topic in more detail or make a final decision, as we had other things to do. The sum concerned was small and it wasn't such a big issue, anyway.

Ludwig couldn't resist using the situation for a scene, though. A bit later he called me into the bedroom and put me over his knee. As he spanked my bottom, he asked me what the highest number of strokes which I ever got with a cane was. I replied that it was 50. So, he asked me, ten per cent of 50 is how much? I said something about being blonde and not knowing the answer. He didn't buy it and spanked me more. So, I finally answered that the correct tally was five.

Happy with my profound maths skills, Ludwig announced that he would give me five strokes with the cane to show me that "ten per cent is not nothing". I protested that I had never implied that he wanted me to pay the whole bill. I had just said he obviously wanted to pay less than half of it. Quite frankly, I was of the opinion that according to the formula he had suggested, Ludwig would have had to pay more than ten per cent, maybe about twenty. But of course I didn't tell him that, given the situation I found myself in...

I couldn't argue Ludwig out of his plan to cane me, though (surprise!), and so I hesitantly followed his order to fetch a cane after he had let me stand up. There were only unpeeled, crook-handled ones in the wardrobe, and so I took out one of them. It was a thin dragon cane. Big mistake, since I don't like sting! I bent over the bed, still grumpy because it was all so unfair, and Ludwig told me to pull down my pants and knickers.

I did as I was told and Ludwig took aim. With a crack, the first stroke hit the target. I moaned and hissed and bent my knees under the stinging pain. We hadn't played in a long time and I wasn't used to the pain anymore. I told Ludwig that. He didn't seem to mind (which top doesn't enjoy getting some reactions for his hard work, right?). But he gave me time to recover before the next stroke hit my poor bottom. I struggled through that one and the next two, feeling a bit sick from the pain, even though the strokes were only moderately hard.

Ludwig and I talked throughout the caning and he told me that I could be happy to have been given a warm-up. And I was! Still, I mused whether I am not really kinky anymore, or at least not a real bottom. Some years ago the caning would probably have made me horny, which might have made it easier to deal with the pain. That said, I was never really good with the first cane strokes, and moderately hard ones were never much easier to take for me than severe ones.

Anyhow, I had made it through four of the five strokes! Only to be reminded by Ludwig that the last one is always the hardest and that he had been quite nice so far. So I prepared myself for the final stroke which produced a hot burning stripe on my derriere. Again I groaned with pain and struggled to deal with the breathtaking fire on my bottom.

Ludwig really seemed to have enjoyed himself (in contrast to me). Of course he couldn't resist closing the scene by asking me what I had learned today. Well, I might have been beaten, but obviously I wasn't beaten - if you know what I mean. Because despite the risk that came with my answer, I replied: "I've learned that ten per cent of 50 is five!" Ludwig and I both cracked up laughing.
"Hey, are there any stripes to see?" I asked. "Yes, indeed!" Ludwig replied. I looked in the mirror and saw five dark red lines on my bottom. Now my kink returned. While I might not enjoy being spanked that much anymore, I still like taking pictures of spanking marks. "Let's take a picture for the blog," I told Ludwig. As I already said, we had lots of other things to do, but Ludwig agreed nonetheless and fetched the camera. Thus I can not only tell you the story of the spanking, but you can see the resulting marks as well.

The marks were visible for a few days, but fortunately not for too long, because I had a doctor's appointment. Well, I suppose I have learned even more from that day. Not only is ten per cent of 50 five, but one should also always be very careful about which cane one chooses - especially when being out of proper practice as a bottom!

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Mar 2018):
Boobies? (Part 2)

This is the second part of my post about boobies and the question whether to show them in pictures or not. In part 1 I explained why I had decided not to expose my breasts in the photos posted on this blog when I started blogging and sharing pictures. As an anonymous commenter observed correctly, it all comes down to keeping at least a certain amount of control while already sharing a lot about myself and therefore making myself vulnerable.

Today's post is about what has changed in the meantime and why I am comfortable with showing my breasts today. And I will also answer the question of how much my personal boundaries have really stretched and where my limits are now.

So, let's start with looking at the changes that have taken place during my now almost nine years as a blogger. I'll take the same categories that I already used in my last post when I explained the reasons why I didn't want to show any frontal nudity at first:

My own ki
nky preferences
Those haven't changed much over time when it comes to frontal nudity. I still am not too fond of frontal nudity as a viewer of spanking porn. But there are mainly two scenarios in which I find frontal nudity or full nudity interesting. The first one is an erotic spanking scene. I've seen a few of those over the years which I've really liked. In such a scene full nudity is okay or even attractive for me because it fits the context and the dynamics between spanker and spankee. There is even one concrete scenario in this category which Ludwig and I want to publish on video. In his comment on my fun post about kinks that don't fit Canelover said that in his opinion severe spankings and sensual scenes don't go together very well. While I generally agree, there is one scenario that has a high attraction for me which combines exactly these two things: a severe caning embedded in an erotic sensual scene. After having done my first severe caning as an experiment without any additional storyline and my second hard caning within a consensual, empowering but formal, scenario, this is the scene which is still missing in Ludwig's and my view. And for this scene being nude seems to be the most fitting choice. The second scenario is the one depicted in the photo accompanying this post. As some of you might remember this picture belongs to a set of nude pictures in the snow that I published way back in 2010. I love taking erotic photos outdoors, but so far Ludwig and I always made sure that only pictures not showing any frontal nudity were published. While I still have my limits concerning that aspect, I don't mind posting pictures depicting a part of my breasts anymore. That allows for different beautiful positions and perspectives. When it comes to nudity in nature, I think getting a glimpse of a breast can complete a picture and make it more sexy and natural while still being subtle. And so with this post you get to see a photo that was initially meant for our private collection only.

Fear of objectification
Over time I have learned that the readers of our blog, those who really care about the person behind the picture, won't objectify me or think I am available for at least mental (ab)use. Showing frontal nudity won't change anything about that. And those who are just looking for pictures for a quick gratification aren't a threat to me, either. First of all, that doesn't mean they see me as an object. And secondly, even if anyone had fantasies about how to use "that girl in the picture" in a way I wouldn't be comfortable with, this has nothing to do with me as a person. It is just the image that is used, not me.

Keeping control of how the pictures are used
To keep it short: I've found out that this is impossible, no matter how hard you try. I can for instance post a kinky picture showing my bottom with marks from a consensual, empowering scene, together with a clear description what that scene was all about. And I can still find that very photo in another place accompanied by a comment about how that submissive slut in the picture has just been punished by her husband for being negligent in her household chores and how she is now ready to suck his cock and be buttfucked. Not showing any frontal nudity doesn't mean that people can't put a picture in a very explicit sexual context or in a context that makes me feel uneasy. However, interpretations of strangers again have nothing to do with me as a person. Still I have to admit that seeing one's picture being set in a completely different context can be unsettling, even more so when it depicts oneself in a vulnerable, intimate way.

Not wanting to be reduced to my private bits
Again, after so many years of blogging, I don't fear that this could happen just because I post a picture showing my breasts from time to time. Writing about my kink and my thoughts will always be the central focus of this blog and my pictures won't be just about private parts, either. So I don't think there is any risk of being reduced to private bits, at least not by our readers. And if someone comes across one of my pictures elsewhere and is only interested in the intimate parts, then again this isn't about me as a person, so it doesn't really matter, either.

So much about how my views and fears concerning frontal nudity have changed. But how much have my boundaries stretched?

When I searched for a picture to accompany this post, I realised that I obviously still have my limits when it comes to frontal nudity. While I am comfortable with showing more of my breasts, I still don't want them to be the main focus of the picture. I like to publish kinky photos and photos combining nudity with nature, but I still want them to be subtly erotic only and not to focus on private parts. Maybe it is still about the fears mentioned above, maybe it is still about keeping a bit of myself private, most possibly a combination of both. Now matter why, the limit is still there.

Plus, I've found out that I am still not very keen on prominently showing my nether regions. I think I would be okay with them being slightly visible in a picture taken from the side or something like that, but I came across several pictures that showed me directly from the front which I didn't feel comfortable publishing, even though Ludwig considered them more beautiful. I'm not sure whether this boundary might be stretched a bit, too, some day in the future. But until that happens, I will stick to what Bob S's advice in the comment section of the first part of my post and only show as much of myself as I am comfortable with. And I sincerely hope you'll enjoy what you see!

Friday, March 23, 2018

Have You Got A Cane With You?

Ludwig and I usually don't watch much TV. But in the recent weeks I have zapped a bit through the channels in the evening when I was too tired after a busy day to do something more productive. Some days ago I came across an older German hospital TV series called Für alle Fälle Stefanie.

It's basically a feelgood show, not as dramatic as many of the American hospital TV series. Instead, you are watching doctors and nurses with good hearts who not only cure their patients physically, but also help to solve family quarrels, bring people together and so on. Just the right thing after a stressful day when one's head is already dull.

So I watched a bit and relaxed. There were several patients whose stories were told in the episode I watched, one of whom probably was (I didn't watch the beginning of the episode) a single father who put his life at risk because he refused to quit smoking even though his lungs were in bad shape. Every time he had the chance, he went outside to secretly smoke a cigarette.

One evening when his roommate seemed to be sleeping, he went out on the balcony in front of the room and lit another cigarette. His roommate, who had quit smoking a few years earlier, saw him, though, and pushed the button to call a nurse.

Now, we all know that the plot and dialogues in this kind of series aren't realistic, but I really didn't expect what happened then: First of all, it wasn't one of the nurses who came into the room, but the doctor who had already tried, unsuccessfully, to convince our unreasonable single father to quit smoking. The roommate pointed to the balcony and made a gesture to indicate that someone was smoking again. The doctor signaled him to remain quiet and tiptoed to the balcony.

Then came the really unexpected part as the following dialogue occurred between the doctor and his patient:

Doctor: "Mr Leiser, I will have to fetch a fire extinguisher!"
Patient (throwing away the cigarette and swallowing the smoke): "What a beautiful moon tonight."
Doctor: "You are very ill. If I ever catch you again..."
Patient: "Have you got a cane with you?"
Doctor: "... I'll have to report you and then you'll have to pay for the whole party. There will always be someone who snitches on you, okay?"

Now I was awake! Did I really get that right? Did the guy really ask the doctor out of nowhere whether he might cane him? There was no mistaking he meant, because he used the German word "Rohrstock" which is the kind of cane used for whipping someone. The words for a walking cane and the like are different.

Well, I checked the online media centre to make sure that my tired kinky mind hadn't played a trick on me. It turned out that I had heard correctly. Who would write such a strange dialogue, I wonder? A fellow kinkster? I mean, the episode was aired for the first time in 2003, not in the sixties! And would anyone really ask a doctor that kind of question, kinky or not? I suppose I wouldn't. Would you?

Anyhow, it was a funny discovery. The thing is, there are famous scenes with spanking references in several movies and series which most of us know. And there are the kind of series and films where I would suspect that a kinky reference might come up. But in this case it caught me flat-footed.

By the way, of course the father did quit smoking in the end after he had found out his son had started smoking, too. So, they both promised each other to never smoke a cigarette again. And they lived happily ever after...

What I would like to know: have you ever had a similar experience with an unexpected spanking reference? In which movie or series? And what was it about? I would love to hear your stories. Please leave a comment if you like!