Friday, November 2, 2018

Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2018):
Crossing the Line

This is the third part of my series of posts about a very special, painful event which I decided to put myself through with Ludwig's support and which in my opinion altered my life. You can find the first two parts here and here. Today I want to tell you about the experience itself. I won't write much about the exact setting, location and action, though. I will leave that to your imagination. My focus will be on my thoughts and feelings throughout the experience instead. You will learn more about what happened in my next post which will be the final one in this series.

In my last post about the anticipation before the event I told you that I only knew a certain time range when it would take place, but not the exact date and time. I thought that it would most possibly start quite early in the time range, but at first nothing happened. The knowledge that it definitely would happen anytime soon made me nervous, though. It was a time in which I was very busy and I had the feeling that I wasn't ready for such a big event, yet. So I focussed on the stuff I had to do and tried not to think too much about what might or might not happen and how I would deal with the situation.

One evening I had finished yet another important task and I told Ludwig that now it seemed that the event could take place because all the big points on my current to-do-list were finished. When I woke up the next morning, I promptly got the signal that this would be the day. At that point Ludwig almost seemed to be a little bit more nervous than I, knowing that all he would be able to do was to be at my side. We packed the things we were supposed to bring and waited.

We were soon fetched by a van and driven to the location. Ludwig was in the front and I in the back. There were no windows for me to look out on the street, but I knew approximately were the car was. I had been to the location as part of my preparation, so I knew where we were going. The last time I had been there I was very nervous because I was very aware that the next time I would enter the place there would be no way back.

The drive wasn't too long. The van stopped and Ludwig and I were escorted into the house. At first we were guided to a preparation room. A staff member checked in with me and told me that she would be the one to guide me through the first part of the experience. I should explain that this wasn't supposed to be a dark experience. Long-time readers know that I am not into that and that I would most probably never set myself up for an event that is not only physically challenging but contains dark psychological elements as well. Instead, throughout this experience I always had the chance to ask for the help of a kind of mentor to support me mentally and to help me let loose.

A few preparations were done and Ludwig and I were informed that it might take some time for the experience to start. I was nervous, but I also really wanted it to start now that there was no way back, anyway. I took the chance to grab at least a little bite to eat since I hadn't had breakfast and probanly wouldn't be able to eat for a while during the event.

It started sooner than I had feared. At first, I managed to deal with the pain quite well, although it was different from what I had expected. The action was faster than I had thought and there were fewer breaks for me to recover than I had hoped. For a while I managed quite successfully not to fight the pain, instead letting myself fall into it and using it to open up. But after a while I struggled more and more and I started to panic because I had the strong feeling that I couldn't deal, especially considering that this was supposed to be a rather long experience and the worst part was still yet to come.

So I asked my guide for help. I knew that I had the chance to ask for the staff to help me ease the challenge. But that was under two conditions: First of all, the request could only be fulfilled with a time lag. Secondly, it came with the downside of most probably prolonging the event. And of course the aim was to let the experience unfold with as little intervention as possible. Having that in mind my guide tried to convince me to try other ways to help me cope with the situation. Ludwig, who thought that I was very tough and still coping rather well, agreed.

I wasn't really convinced, but I gave it a try, only to realise after a short while that it didn't work out. I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn't deal with such a high impact for what was supposed to be a few more hours! So again I asked for help.

As a result Ludwig and I were brought into another room with a new guide to support me. I was nude now, but interestingly that didn't make me feel vulnerable. The pain became worse and worse, though, much faster than I had expected from what I had heard and read, until it almost seemed like a single steady impact which only increased and decreased a bit over time. That was the moment in which my new guide told me that her advice would be to go through with the rest without any intervention because it would soon be over, anyway, and interfering might stop the process of letting go and make the experience much longer than it would be otherwise.

At first I cursed, feeling that I should have requested help earlier, but then I realised that this held a big chance, too. So I agreed and tried to focus on my final goal to let go completely. My guide suggested new positions which helped me and allowed Ludwig to help me through the final stage. And suddenly it happened. The pain seemed to ease up. Again it came in waves now and I just took it as a kind of impulse to ride the pain and let it help me to let go.

For a moment I thought about the marks the experience would leave. But I knew that no permanent damage had been done, so I pushed the thought aside and focussed on my breath and riding the waves instead. The last ones were announced and I really managed to let go completely. Then it was suddenly over. I was happy and relieved. I had more endorphins in my body than ever before, but unlike others I wasn't flying. That didn't surprise me, though, since I have never been flying from a kinky or any other experience. But I felt very calm and proud.

I got the chance to lie down, covered by a blanket. Ludwig was at my side, telling me how proud he was. Someone came to take care of my wounds. My guide looked after me as well. I got the confirmation that the experience had indeed been shorter and faster than most of the times. It was okay for me. My guide told Ludwig that we should take our time and he could get us something to eat. When he came with bread and other little snacks I realised that I was as hungry as a lion.

At night in our bedroom, Ludwig and I talked about the experience. About what had happened and how we had felt. It had been so intense. We didn't sleep a single hour that night, knowing that it had indeed been a very special event. And regardless of how hard it had been throughout, I already knew that the outcome had been worth it and that I might even do it again. Still, we had no idea at that point how life-altering the experience really would turn out to be. But that's a story for another post...

7 comments:

Midwest Reader said...

Congratulations!

Kaelah said...

@ Midwest Reader:
Welcome, and thank you! :-)

Gustofur said...

Very professional. You left me anxiously awaiting the rest of the story. And without knowing the complete story, all I can say is that you are truly an adventurous woman.
Respectfully,
Gustofur

HardKnight said...

If this is what I think it is then .. congratulations are most definitely in order.

stephen.sir99 said...

Hi Kaelah & Ludwig,

Thank you for this update.

We definitely get a sense that this was an important event in your growth as a couple and that you want to tell this story.

I would say that in the telling of the story though there is still a risk that the couple is not really giving up control at all and the reader is being given a very partial picture of what happened and is unable to form a view.

It almost seems like important elements have been left out on purpose to blur the effect and meanings and give you both a way to back out.

For example, why was Kaelah in the back of the van and Ludwig in the front? Was it a normal van?

At what point was Kaelah required to strip? You say nothing about this. We know that Kaelah often prefers not to hide parts of her body. Stripping seems to be an important psychological barrier. Are you leaving this detail out because it feels intimate or embarrassing or for another reason?

One idea could be that the whole thing was a trip to a hospital for a small planned operation. Could the assistant be a nurse? The van could be an ambulance? In that case it would be far from kinky.

Were others present at this event? What kind of physical pain was it? How did Kaelah's behaviour change as she cross the line? Did she show her emotions to Ludwig and to others? Did she cry and scream?

There are so many unanswered questions and details omitted that it is hard to feel that the reader is not being teased. In that case the joke would be on us.

I for one hope that the purpose of this long build-up is to explain something important in your development development and dynamic as a couple but based on what I have seen so far I am unconvinced.

I have not lost hope however and I will read your next update with interest.

Anonymous said...

Readers have to fill the blanks of this kinky report with something - otherwise we would die of prolonged anticipation. At the moment MY blank filler is some kind of paintaking tattooing session.
I'm looking forward to learning (and perhaps seeing?) the truth!

Kaelah said...

@ Gustofur:
Thank you! The solution of the riddle is online now. I am very sure that you will never do that thing I did (perhaps only in Ludwig's position), but not because I think you are less adventurous or brave than I am... ;-)

@ HardKnight:
Welcome and thank you so much! I suppose your guess is absolutely correct. :-)

@ stephen.sir99:
You've made some very correct observations. The reason why I left out some details is not to mock you, though. You are right that this is not exactly what it seems to be at first sight, but it most certainly was what I said – a very important and very personal life-altering experience! I've just published the solution of the riddle and I hope it explains why I've left out a few details. And the reason why I've connected this experience to a more general discussion about kink is that it indeed taught me a lot about my kink and how it differs from other people's kink that might involve edgier experiences than mine usually does. I intend write a bit more about that in my next Kaelah's Corner post which will be the final part of this series.

@ Anonymous:
Thanks a lot for sharing your guess! The solution is online now and I hope you like it and aren't disappointed because unfortunately I can't share any pictures.