Recently, I was asked a very interesting question concerning my kink. I am not sure whether all of you are familiar with the concept of our "inner child". For those of you who aren't, here is what Wikipedia says about it: "In popular psychology and analytical psychology, inner child is our childlike aspect. It includes all that we learned and experienced as children, before puberty. The inner child denotes a semi-independent entity subordinate to the waking conscious mind."
Well, I was talking to someone about the things I have experienced and learned in my childhood and how these experiences influence the person I am today. Suddenly I was asked the following question: "In your kink, who are the ones who are spanked and spank, your inner child or the adult part of your personality?" For a moment, I was stunned by that question.
My reply then was that the one who gets spanked certainly is the adult part of me. Because first of all, being spanked is something that is closely related to my sexuality which in my opinion is an adult activity by nature. Secondly, being spanked usually makes me feel strong, a feeling that is connected to being a self-dependent adult in my view. As for spanking others, I had the feeling that this might be partly an adult thing and partly an activity for my inner child, a way to fulfil the wish of the more insecure part of me to "play with the big ones" and be accepted as a leader.
My explanation was accepted unchallenged and so the conversation continued. I realised that the idea of a connection between my inner child which means my childhood experiences and the part of me who wants to be spanked scared me, though. Needless to say, Ludwig and I do not condone the spanking of children - spanking is great as BDSM play between consenting adults, but utterly wrong as an educational measure. Even thinking about my inner child in the context of BDSM felt weird, but the question persisted. Could there be any kind of connection after all? And if so, why would my inner child want to be spanked? Maybe to get rid of a bad conscience. But I was Miss Goody-two-shoes as a child, so there was nothing to regret or feel guilty about. Or maybe a child might want to be spanked in order to get its parents' attention. But my parents were very caring, so there was no need for that, either. Anyway, I didn't like the idea that there might be any connection whatsoever between my inner child and the wish to be spanked.
A while later the conversation came back to the topic of spanking. This time I was asked how the erotic spanking kink will fit into Ludwig's and my lives should we become parents one day. "I guess it will play an even less important role than it does today", I said, "because then we will have even more responsibilities than we already have today." And I added: "I guess it will be something just for the two of us as a couple when the child or children aren't around. A time of adult fun when we can just enjoy things and don't have to be responsible parents." - "Then spanking is an activity for your inner child after all", was the reply.
I hadn't expected that conclusion and needed a moment to think about it. But then it came to me that it might indeed be true. Maybe erotic spanking play is an activity for my inner child, no matter whether I am bottoming or topping. A time during which I can just have fun, just be and just feel. A time when I can let go and don't have to fulfil responsibilities. In that regard, being spanked might be even closer to my inner child than spanking others because I can let go even more in that position. I guess from that perspective it also makes a lot of sense to talk about spanking play. Because that's what erotic spanking is, right? Play. Of course it is an adult game, but still a game.
In the sense explained above a connection between my kink and my inner child feels alright to me. Of course there is one important precondition for that: I can only play this slightly edgy game because I am a responsible, self-reliant adult. I can let myself fall because my inner child can be sure that there is always a strong adult in the background who takes care that she won't get hurt. I would never delegate that responsibility to my play partner(s). Of course I want a person with whom I play to pay attention whether I am okay, especially when I am on the receiving end. I only play with people whom I consider being responsible and safe. But I will always take care of my well-being, too, and make sure that I don't cross any lines. And so my inner child can safely play and have fun on that special adult playground.
What about you? Would you consider your spanking play to be connected rather to the adult part of your personality or to your inner child? I am looking forward to reading your comments!