Kaelah's Corner (Jan 2010): 'Til The Bitter End

(The day after. Yes, that's my blood on the cane!)

Remember when I wrote in my Anderswelt post that I'm not into severe spankings?! Well, that hasn't changed. But I also wrote that I might try a severe scene once in order to overcome the problems I have with the edgy spanking movies produced by some of the Eastern European producers and as a special present for Ludwig. It has finally happened now and as you can easily guess I have survived.

The scene was the main part of a bigger, more complex project I set up under the working title "Das Experiment" ("the experiment"). I got a 50 strokes caning from Ludwig that was as severe as the hardest caning he had ever dished out (as a warden in the Mood Pictures film Inmates). I had arranged the setting and the whipping bench we used for the caning. There was no role-play involved, no characters, no storyline. Just a room with a whipping bench, Ludwig, me and the cane. The caning was designed to be taken fully naked and I was supposed to count the strokes. Both of us could stop the caning any time we wanted or considered it to be necessary. In contrast to the movie scenes, I wasn't tied down because I wanted to show also optically that taking the caning was a free choice of mine. And there was another difference to the caning Ludwig did as a part of his video shoot: the strokes were delivered in two sets which consisted of 25 strokes each, separated by a short break that was part of the experiment design.

I'm going to give you a detailed report on the experiment in the June and July edition of Kaelah's corner. There are three reasons for the delay. First of all, I already have different topics for the editions from February to May. Secondly, since I'm not into such severe scenes, I made myself very vulnerable by trying this and I need time to think about it all, before I feel ready to give you the full story. And, last but not least, it will simply take some time and effort to go through all the material we've produced throughout the experiment.

But I would like to tell you about the caning itself today. And I would like to ask you some questions that occurred afterwards.

Doing such a hard scene raised a lot of fears on my part. For instance, I was afraid of having to quit, of showing very strong reactions that I don't find sexy, of ending up with marks I found too heavy or of disappointing Ludwig in some way. Actually, there were just very few positive pictures in my mind. Only in case I would be able to go through the whole caning and in case I could do it in a manner I found "appropriate", then I might be able to connect the scene to my heroine-fantasies. I knew from previous experiences with less hard canings that this scenario wasn't very likely and that there was a high chance that I would find the whole scene rather unerotic. I just hoped that the experience wouldn't be too bad and that the outcome would outweigh the costs.

Unfortunately, I was in a rather suboptimal mental and physical state on the day the caning was due to happen. Ludwig had always told me that I didn't have to do it, in case I wasn't sure whether it might do me harm. And he asked me again that day whether I really wanted to do it. Although I was in a rather bad mood and the negative pictures dominated my thoughts, I didn't want to back out. Not trying it would have been even worse than the negative experiences I could possibly make during the scene.

So, I finally climbed on the whipping bench and told Ludwig I was as ready as I would ever be. But I already felt shaky, sick and a bit dizzy before even a single stroke had fallen. Today, I can proudly state that, despite my negative mindset, I managed to take the full number of strokes! And I'm not completely unhappy with my reactions, either. Looking back, I can even say that I find the scene partially erotic (it surely didn't feel erotic during the caning!). But the pain exceeded my tolerance level by more than just a few per cent. In combination with my fears and negative mindset this led to rather strong reactions I wasn't prepared for. They weren't as strong as I had feared, but stronger than I had hoped for and different from what I had expected. So, looking back, my feelings towards the scene remain partly negative and I'm not completely happy with it.

I talked to Ludwig about it and we raised some interesting questions. First of all, Ludwig fortunately didn't find the part that went "wrong" from my point of view unerotic. While he prefers restrained and controlled reactions, the most important thing for him is that the reactions are genuine. And my reactions obviously weren't so much over the top that he would find them annoying. I told Ludwig that I didn't feel brave enough because I didn't really know how to deal with the pain which made me feel very helpless and somehow lost. Ludwig is into brave girls and I was afraid that he would also be of the opinion that I wasn't brave enough.

Instead, Ludwig raised the question whether it is braver to do such a scene when one can take it easily and without struggling, or going through it until the bitter end despite not knowing how to deal with it and struggling a lot? Thinking about it, I have to agree with his thoughts. Interestingly, in case someone else would have made and told me about the scene, I wouldn't have interpreted the reactions as a sign of weakness. But in my own play, not knowing how to deal with the pain, struggling a lot and showing stronger reactions doesn't fit to my heroine-fantasies.

So, the question is: What is bravery??? As you might already have realised, I haven't written how the scene unfolded exactly. Instead, I have written down five possible descriptions of the scene. They all contain reactions / events I would have been unhappy with. Based on the descriptions I would like to hear some suggestions and thoughts on the topic of bravery from you. For all the tops, who are into brave bottoms: How much would the five different scenarios attract or annoy you? How do you define bravery? Which reactions do you find particularly interesting / sexy / annoying? Comments of all those who aren’t living out their kink but watch kinky films are very welcome, too! And to the bottoms who like the thought of being brave: Would some of the events described make you feel like a wimp? What makes you feel brave? Do you judge your own scenes differently than those of others?

Here are the five possible descriptions of the scene:

Story A:

When the caning started, the pain of the first strokes already drew my breath away. With each stroke, I had less breath to count out loud. I felt more and more dizzy, which increased the panic inside me, but I didn’t want to quit. I hoped that I would somehow make it through the first 25 strokes. Fortunately, Ludwig was more reasonable than me. He stopped the caning after 17 strokes because he realised the state I was in. Ludwig told me to take deep breaths and brought me something to drink. I was completely frustrated. I didn’t even make it through the first 25 strokes! Ludwig tried to calm me down. After a few minutes of rest I felt less shaky, but I was still sad. Nearly fainting surely wasn’t a sexy reaction!

Despite Ludwig's suggestion to stop the scene, I was adamant that I wanted to continue. Ludwig told me to focus on my breathing and we finished the first set of strokes with some louder reactions but less dizziness on my behalf. After another short break, we started with the second set of strokes. At first it went quite well. But then the strokes were getting more severe and I started gasping and moaning. It was getting harder and harder to control my reactions. Several times Ludwig reminded me to breathe. Then it happened: I lost my count. Since we didn’t do any role-play, Ludwig simply gave me the right number (37) when I asked him. Angrily, I focused on the rest of the fight and managed to go through the last strokes with some suppressed moaning and some wincing but no stronger reactions otherwise.

Still, I was a bit frustrated about the unplanned break during the first half and having lost count during the second half. But Ludwig told me that he liked my otherwise suppressed reactions (given the severity of the caning). And of course, he was quite happy about my little counting problem, too. After all, I can’t make fun of his miscounting in the Comeuppance clip any more…

Story B:

When the caning started, the first strokes already burned like fire. I found myself gasping, moaning and cursing even at the very first strokes. This was definitely beyond my normal limits. Again, the thought about possible severe marks and bloody welts occurred in my mind. I started to panic which resulted in louder moans, more gasping and a feeling of dizziness. Ludwig asked me if I wanted to quit. I refused and managed to go through the first set of strokes.

During the break I tried to deal with the shock about the amount of pain and the fears about going too far. Then I made a mistake – I caught a glimpse of the marks on my bottom, dark red welts with some bloody spots. The bad feeling of playing beyond my limits became more intense. But I didn't say a word. My stomach clenched when we started the second part. I managed to go through the first strokes with some moans and gasping. But when Ludwig increased the force after stroke number 35 the fears broke lose. After stroke number 38 a started crying, and the moaning and crying became heavier after each stroke. I didn’t quit, but when the caning was over I had a tear-stained face und was shaking heavily. Breaking is definitely a reaction I don’t find attractive at all! Ludwig soothed me and calmed me down. After I had told him what had happened, he also managed to reassure me that the marks weren't too heavy and would be healed soon.

However, I was frustrated about the crying, knowing that Ludwig is into restrained reactions and those weren’t restrained at all! But Ludwig told me that he also loves a good build-up of a CP scene and that the increasing intensity of my reactions beautifully matched the increasing severity of the caning. And he was proud that despite of my fears and the crying I didn’t quit. Which, as he said, means that I wasn’t really broken…

Story C:

I’m not into cold canings and I hate the kind of pain the cane produces. Ludwig’s first strokes weren’t full force, but already very hard. After a few strokes I started to panic. I managed to keep my position for some more strokes, but after 11 strokes I started flinching. Something I normally don’t do! I tried not to move, but my reflexes were stronger than my mental control. Ludwig had more and more problems to hit the right spot. At stroke number 23 ,I even kicked my leg and nearly got my foot hit. Ludwig stopped for a moment and told me to keep still. “I really try!” I replied, nearly crying out of frustration. I managed to finish the first set without wriggling too much.

During the break, Ludwig told me that he had reduced the force of the strokes because he was afraid to injure me. He didn't want to go on with the second part, because from his point of view it was too much for me. That frustrated me even more. I definitely didn't want to quit, and I felt strong enough to go on with part two. So, I suggested tying me down for my own safety. At first, Ludwig was against it, because for him restraints are just a decorative element. But I insisted on trying it, and knowing how important the scene was for me, Ludwig finally agreed. I told him not to hold back in part two. The caning went much better being tied down. I struggled against my restraints and during the last ten full force strokes I also got louder. But I managed to go through it without crying or yelling.

Still, I was frustrated that I hadn’t managed to hold still and needed the restraints. Ludwig on the other hand was very relieved that it obviously was the right decision to go with part two. And he liked the mixture of visible struggling and rather suppressed vocal reactions…

Story D:

During the first strokes I realized that I had no plan how to deal with the pain. I managed to control my upcoming panic for a short time, but after stroke number five I suddenly started to hyperventilate. I frantically tried to control my breath (not knowing that I would have had to reduce the amount of oxygen), but it didn’t work. Panting like a dachshund after a long sprint definitely wasn’t sexy! Even when Ludwig stopped a few seconds after stroke number ten, caressed me and told me to breath calmly, I didn’t manage to calm down. Since I somehow still managed to count the strokes in a quite clear voice, Ludwig decided to go on. But I felt more and more dizzy, my mouth went try and then suddenly my hands and feet started going numb. That didn’t help to reduce my panic. But I made it through the first part of the caning without fainting. By the end, my forearms were numb, too, and my hands were cramped. I hang limb over the whipping bench breathing like mad, trying to regain my composure and struggling with the feeling of passing out any time soon.

Ludwig looked after me and brought me something to drink. I stood up and it took a while until the numbness in my hands and feet and the dizziness were gone. I wasn’t sure whether I would be able to go through the second part without another break. But quitting wasn’t an option. So, despite of my fears, I finally climbed on the whipping bench again. Ludwig asked me (twice!) whether I really wanted to go on and I said yes. This time, I wanted to keep my composure. At least for a few strokes. I focused on my breathing and managed to remain calm besides some suppressed moaning, hissing and wincing. After stroke number 35 Ludwig increased the force again and it became harder to deal with the pain. I fought with every new stroke. Realising that this time I had a chance to win the battle, I grew stronger and stronger. The last ten strokes were full force, but I wasn’t willing to lose control again. And then it was all over and I felt relieved that the second part went much better than the first part of the caning.

However, the first part was a rather bad experience for me and to my mind also very unsexy! But Ludwig told me that he liked the combination of the two different reactions very much. And from his point of view, I already had been brave during part one and very brave during the second part…

Story E:

After only the second stroke I was shocked about the wave of pain surging through my body. I howled out in pain and clawed my hands into the whipping bench. During the next strokes I frantically tried to retrieve my composure and to become more quiet. At the same time, I tried to keep my position, count the strokes and not to start crying. Of course I wasn’t able to focus on all these tasks at once, so I panicked even more and my reactions got louder and louder. After stroke number 15 I was completely exhausted and despaired and told Ludwig to stop. He stopped immediately and tried to soothe me.

I felt like a wimp and was totally frustrated. It took a while until Ludwig managed to calm me down. He reassured me that my vocal reactions didn’t annoy him and that they were pretty normal given the severity of the caning and not as loud as I thought. He told me to let go instead of suppressing the screaming. After a few minutes I felt ready to start again, and we finished the first set of strokes, again with some quite loud screams and howls on my behalf. During the break I just hoped that I would manage to remain a bit more controlled in part two. And it worked - at least for the first ten strokes. Then Ludwig started increasing the force from hard to almost full force and my screaming got louder again. During the last eight strokes I nearly screamed from the top of my lungs. Then it suddenly was over. I felt quite dizzy and again very exhausted. Now I knew what Ludwig meant when he said that much louder reactions were possible. At least I hadn’t started crying.

Still, I was very frustrated about the screaming and feeling so helpless because I couldn’t control it. But Ludwig told me that he liked how my reactions reflected the increasing force of the strokes. Had I screamed my head off during the whole caning it might have annoyed him, but the decreasing loss of control and composure going along with the increasing intensity of the caning and distress was something he found quite attractive…

So, these are five possible descriptions of my caning. I wouldn’t have predicted what really happened. But as you might already have guessed, on of the five descriptions tells you the real story. If you like, you can make a guess which one is true! I’ll post the correct answer in about two weeks.

Oh, one last question: We’ve shot a few pictures of the marks right after the scene. What is your opinion: Shall I post one of the pictures in two weeks, when I’m going go solve the little riddle, or shall I wait until the detailed account on the experiment in June and July? Any suggestions?

Second Blogiversary

Two years ago, on the 25th of January 2008, I launched this blog. Today is my second blogiversary.

In retrospect, it feels as if the second year passed even quicker than the first one did. It's hard to believe that Rohrstock-Palast, this oddly named creation of mine, has been around that long. But it has - the dates don't lie. So first off, a thank you to all of you who left comments over the past year or corresponded with me by email. You are the ones who made this ride as inspiring and entertaining as it was, and I hope that you will continue to do so.

On my first blogiversary, I noted how intriguing it is to see a vision take shape - to compare my original plans for the blog with how it turned out. This is even more true after the second year. Two things happened in 2009 that really stand out, both featuring prominently in my writing here. One, I did my first professional spanking videos, "Inmates" with Mood Pictures and "Garden Party" with Lupus Pictures. I'm proud of both of them and of how they differ - a gritty, claustrophobic "women in prison" pseudo-documentary versus a light-hearted, visually sumptuous comedy. Topping in a professional, full-length spanking film was a lifelong dream of mine and the experiences are now immortalised in the Mood behind-the-scenes report (four parts) and the Lupus BTS report (three parts), which in my opinion contain some of the best writing I've ever done.

The other, and even more significant event of last year was that I found my mate Kaelah (actually, it is more accurate to say that she found me). That one came totally out of the blue - having someone to share my life with was another lifelong dream, but one I had kind of given up on already. Which, one could argue, was a prerequisite for its fulfilment. That as it may be, meeting Kaelah was as beautiful and fortunate as it was unforseen, and it had a profound impact not just on my life in general, but on the blog as well. I can't say enough good things about her. The story of how we met is recorded in Where No Man Has Spanked Before, which also ranks among my best pieces of writing. Kaelah has her own monthly column on the blog now, called Kaelah's Corner and received very favourably by the readers. Currently, we are working on the story about our first spanking play - two parts published here and here, the third one to follow shortly.

So here I am, suddenly writing one of those "kinky couples" blogs. Quite a change. I can only wonder what is in store for me in my third year of blogging. You'll notice that none of my predictions from one year ago came true - on the first blogiversary, I mentioned that I wanted to do more interviews, more book reviews and more philosophical ramblings. Well, I conducted Niki Flynn's last interview in September, which turned out great. But apart from that, no additions to any of these three categories. All of them take vastly more time than the average post, time that I usually didn't have during the rollercoaster ride that was 2009. When I did, I was busy catching up with more immediate topics.

So, I'm reluctant to speculate too much about the blog's future. I have all sorts of plans, but they will undoubtedly materialise in somewhat different forms and in a somewhat different order than what I envision today. First off, Kaelah and I will post the final part of our "first spanking play" trilogy - it should have been out weeks ago, but 2010 didn't start smoothly for me, hence the delay. Then, in February and March, I'm going to overhaul some of the blog's features, as I announced it here. Beyond that, we will see! You will hear more about Kaelah and me, that is for sure. You will read the usual movie reviews and website reviews. There might be more movie shoots, and who knows, there might even be a long-overdue return to my philosophical ramblings!

In rock music, they say that it is a band's third album that "makes it or breaks it" .The first album is your debut, usually well-received. The second one is a sophomore effort that builds on the first. But it's the third album that really, really counts. Does the same apply to spanking blogs? I'll approach my third year as if it did.

Movie Review: Martial Law

Producer:
Mood Pictures (released in 2004)

Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:

Court martial and CP for sadistic female sergeant

Victim Appeal:
After Rival Girls, this is the second (and last) Mood Pictures production starring bleach blonde vixen Kate Lust. Kate was (perhaps still is?) a small-time pornstar and webcam model from Budapest. It's a pity that she only ever did two spanking films. Like most Mood models, she was a mere "hired hand" (not really kinky), but she had a little bit of talent as an actress and brought some personality to her roles. There was a certain something about Kate Lust, an appealing nastiness, for lack of a better term, that simply made you want to spank her severely. I like the way she snarls when she plays the stereotypical "evil girl" character.

The other spankee in the video is Adrien Dark, a black-haired model who was apparently an acquaintance of Kate and got taken along to the shoot (at least that is what Kate implies in her behind-the-scenes interview). Hey, what are friends for?

Gratuitous Sadism:
As you can guess from the title, the film has a military setting. Actually, it must be some kind of war, because there is talk about "enemy soldiers". A cold war? A hot war? A guerrilla war? It is never specified who is fighting whom. All we know is that the female soldiers wear rather oversized uniforms and nobody seems to have any rank insignia. But I don't want to nitpick. Seriously, who cares what kind of war it is? My inner adolescent geek boy just loves the sight of babes in combat gear. It looks cool, no further justification needed.

Kate Lust plays a sergeant facing court martial because she tortured a captured enemy soldier, and it turned out that the captured soldier was actually an agent working for her own side (see, the plot is just as silly as the costumes...). She is brought before a tribunal and we see the torture in a flashback scene, which naturally involves the prisoner (Adrien Dark) getting caned by Kate. 25 strokes are given while the victim, with her camouflage trousers pulled down and her hands tied behind her back, is kneeling on a chair. It's a very light scene by Mood Pictures standards, with barely any marks appearing. Adrien's reactions are pretty strong, though, she cries and sobs audibly.

Of course, the sergeant is sentenced to corporal punishment for her transgression. The tribunal decides to make an example of her - she will receive 100 cane strokes, tied up, fully naked (yum!). Two things are noteworthy about the ensuing scene: first, the contraption they used to restrain the spankee is one of coolest devices Mood have ever come up with. It looks somewhat shoddy, but it makes for a highly sexy caning position, with the girl kneeling on a platform, bending forward, her hands tied above her head, her back forming a delicious line and her arse sticking out.

Secondly, the domme playing the female "CP Executioner" is pretty good. She goes by the name Mercedes Mercy and this, to my knowledge, is her only appearance with Mood Pictures. The lady has presence and the right looks for the role: thirty-something, pretty, but not too pretty. I like how she swaggers around the room. Moreover, she knows how to use a cane. While Mercedes places a few too many strokes on the back of Kate's legs for my taste, she isn't as woefully and dangerously inaccurate as some of the dommes Mood employed in later years. She has a good rhythm and makes the long scene work. The caning is harder than Adrien's, but not over the top.

Best Reactions:
I liked Kate Lust's punishment the most, even though I don't usually care for 100 stroke canings. I just find them too long and drawn-out to "hold together" as a filmed scene, and once you are past 50 or 60 strokes, you merely prolong the action instead of adding to it qualitatively. It gets boring. In this case, however, the suspense of the scene does hold together because they divide it into several segments - after every 25 strokes, a medical doctor (played by Betty Shy, in a ridiculously short white coat) performs checkups on the spankee. It also helps that Mercedes Mercy varies the intensity of the strokes somewhat, instead of hitting full force all the time.

Kate's reactions are enjoyable throughout. She throws her head back after every stroke, grimaces in pain and counts the numbers between gasps and sobs of anguish. Like the beating itself, the reactions are strong, but not extreme. The one thing I didn't like about the scene was the fact that, after stroke number 73, Kate fell unconscious and had to be reawakened by the doctor - the script makes a lot of noise about how soldiers getting caned "usually faint" at some stage. Obviously, the fainting episode was scripted, and I just thought it was unnecessary - silly sensationalism that contributes nothing to the scene and instead detracts from it (as a sidenote, Kate ends up getting a total of 102 cane strokes, because some are repeated after she faints).

Best Line:
Even by spanking porn standards, the dialogue in this one is excruciatingly lame. Take the following exchange. CP executioner: "The instrument has been set up for the caning." Sergeant: "Oh my God, am I gonna be tied up?" Or how about this line from the sergeant, while she defends herself in front of the tribunal: "I didn't think she was a spy! She looked so innocent!"

The least worst line comes during the sergeant's punishment, which is being watched by the tribunal. One of the officers complains that the caning is too harsh. His superior snaps at him: "Do you want me to demote you? We're not the Salvation Army!" At least that was mildly entertaining.

Nice Psychological Touch:
Connoisseurs will notice that the film follows the same arc as "Rival Girls". First, Kate Lust is cruel towards another girl, who gets thrashed as a result. In the second act, justice is done and Kate gets thrashed herself. I like how Mood play out the role reversal in both films. In "Rival Girls", the other girl is caned by a male top (the schoolteacher) after Kate gets her in trouble. When the intrigue is discovered, the girl is allowed to cane Kate in revenge. In "Martial Law", Kate tortures the spy, and when she gets her punishment later on, the spy is sitting on the tribunal and watching it. In each case, we are not dealing with a literal role reversal (the girls don't literally switch places to spank each other), but with a more indirect and, in my view, much sexier form.

How Good Is It Really?

I retain a certain fondness for these early Mood Pictures titles and "Martial Law" is no exception. Back then, Pedro and Pablo made much smaller and more amateurish films - shorter running time, fewer spankees, smaller cast overall, more basic locations and props. However, the films had a freshness and an individual charm to them that gradually got lost over the years - which is perhaps inevitable when you are churning out one video after another. In any case, it's nice to take a look back at the old days once in a while.

In terms of story, "Martial Law" is just another spanking film about military discipline, but it executes that scenario well. Kate Lust is great to watch, Mercedes Mercy also does a pretty good job as the CP executioner. Sadly, neither of them returned for another production. The main caning scene, while not exactly light, is more moderate than Mood's later work. Consequentially, it should appeal to middle-of-the-road viewers who want to see nice and proper beatings, but are put off by blood or graphic welts. In addition to the main feature, the DVD includes a behind-the-scenes segment and a four minute interview with Kate Lust, both of which are fairly interesting.

What You Learned:
Debbie Ulan Ator, the Asian girl with the hilarious model name, plays the sergeant's aide in the first caning scene (she also appears as a prison guard in Guilty Wives). Did you know that Ulan Bator is the capital city of Mongolia? I did, but what I didn't know is that the name translates to "red hero" in English. I just looked that up. Isn't it amazing what you can learn from spanking films?

Kaelah's Corner (Dec 2009): Tiger and Dragon

This is part two of my account on Ludwig's and my relationship as mates. Part one covered the beginning and the development of our relationship. Today I would like to write about our present life and what having found my mate means to me.

Our relationship today is based upon the values we already used in our first play scenario. We are very open and honest with each other – even to a point where it sometimes really hurts. Living several hundreds of kilometres away from each other doesn't make that any easier. Have you ever discussed your intimate desires, feelings and fears on the phone – eleven hours during the night? But I need that very special openness and honesty to grow from the things I learn about myself and us and to completely and absolutely trust Ludwig. Sometimes it hurts – bit it doesn't kill us, it makes us even stronger as mates.

With Ludwig, I also started to understand what kind of partner and relationship I have always been seeking. I used to pretend it was highly important for me that a partnership shouldn't reduce my personal freedom and self-dependency. Today I'm still sure this is right, but it's not the whole truth. I also need a partner whom I see as the very special one person I have always been looking for and who sees me as the very special mate he wants to exclusively share his life with. Two like-minded people standing by each other and – if necessary – fighting together against the rest of the world. With a partner like that it is also okay for me to be weak sometimes and to ask him to protect me and to catch me if I fall. Surprisingly (at least for me), with Ludwig, asking for shelter doesn't feel like I'm losing my self-dependency. It feels like I'm gaining something special I have always been looking for. Someone who is open and honest with me face to face and doesn't avoid conflicts if necessary, but who never carries those conflicts out in front of others and instead backs me up. And, of course, my image of an equal partnership includes that I want to do the same thing for Ludwig.

The picture I have about that special partnership is also correlated to my kinky fantasies. They are usually about two people who have a very special, unique connection. That was what struck me like thunder when I started to explore the internet on the topic of spanking and came across the stories of Mary Catherine and Dean Andrew Michaels. They had exactly that special kind of relationship I had been looking for. While in my fantasies the top might be in charge and might even act very dominantly in a one-on-one situation, like in my "Klingon Sex" scenarios, I love the thought that both, top and bottom, stand as one and equally protect each other in front of other people. That's one of the reasons why the idea of playing in front of others bothers me. There is a high risk that I would feel betrayed and used (in a negative way ;-) ). Only very special scenarios could work for me there. I think I'll write a detailed post about that topic some time in the future.

Fact is, I know that Ludwig won't ever betray me and that he'll always treat me with openness, honesty, love and respect. And it's the same vice versa. I could go on for another 2000 words about what our relationship and having found my mate means to me. It would surely involve words like great gratitude, act of divine providence and feeling at home. Instead, I'm going to leave you with a poem I've written on the topic. I'm going to post the original German version as well as an English translation.

By the way, in case someone was wondering about the title of today's post: You're right, the title isn't entirely correct. You don't see what's wrong with it? Well, the correct wording should be "Tigress And Dragon". Why? Because those are two of the nicknames Ludwig and I use for each other. :-) Two strong animals, not in need of a partner, deciding to continue their journey walking side by side...


Gefährten

Gemeinsam auf dem Weg -
Seite an Seite.

Ehrlichkeit und Offenheit -
Grundsteine unserer Beziehung.
Die Ehre als Basis
für gegenseitigen Respekt.

Blindes Vertrauen -
sich fallenlassen ohne Angst.
Verantwortung behalten und übernehmen,
für sich selbst und für den Anderen.

Mut, es gemeinsam zu wagen,
trotz aller Risiken.
Freuden und Schmerzen teilen,
die das Leben bringt.

Führen und geführt werden,
nach Situation und nach Kraft.
Nicht immer gleichrangig
und doch stets gleichwertig.

Gegenseitige Fürsorge -
füreinander da sein.
Gegenseitige Stärkung -
füreinander einstehen.

Sich selbst niemals aufgeben,
aber sich gemeinsam neu entdecken.
Sich individuelle Freiheit gewähren und bewahren,
gemeinsame Sicherheit als Partner entwickeln.

Sich wärmen und kuscheln,
festhalten und loslassen.
In der örtlichen Distanz
Nähe durch Stimme und Worte.

Eine Furcht, sie ist neu,
war alleine nicht bekannt.
Sie ist gestiegen,
die Angst vor Tod und Verlust.

Unendliche Liebe -
Elixier des Lebens.
Das Leben ohne den Gefährten -
nur halb so viel wert.


Mates

On a common journey -
walking side by side.

Honesty and openness -
cornerstones of our relationship.
Honour as the base
for treating each other respectfully.

Blind trust -
falling and letting go without fear.
Remaining responsible for oneself,
assuming responsibility for one another.

The courage to set off together
into an unknown future.
Sharing pleasure and pain
life brings.

Leading and being led
depending on the situation and energy.
Not necessarily co-ordinate
but always at eye-level.

Mutual care -
being there for each other.
Mutual strengthening -
standing by each other.

Never giving oneself up,
but discovering new traits together.
Allowing each other great latitude -
providing security as partners.

Cuddling and keeping each other warm,
holding tight and letting go.
Feeling close in the distance
through hearing your voice and your words.

One thing deeply scares me,
didn't know it when I was alone.
Fears have risen,
fears of death and loss.

Infinite love -
elixir of life.
Without you as my mate
life isn't worth even half as much.

A Klingon Shopping Tour

(This is part two of the story of Kaelah's first ever spanking. You can read the first part here. My text is in normal format, Kaelah's comments are in bold text in square brackets.)


The backdrop for Kaelah's first spanking had to balance various considerations. Point one: we wanted to be ourselves, not characters in a role-play. At the same time, it was a truly special occasion, so a simple "I'll put you over my knee and show you how it feels like!" was out of the question - we wanted an extended, elaborate ritual and a ceremonial mood. Point two: to help her overcome her insecurities, Kaelah had to have a clear idea of what lay ahead of her, and she needed a fair degree of creative input. At the same time, I didn't want to give up the element of surprise entirely, because I thought that knowing everything in advance would take away not just Kaelah's fears, but also some of the positive excitement she could have. Neither of us wanted to turn the whole thing into a "topping from the bottom" affair.

[For me, it was important to develop and to plan the whole ceremony around the spanking. But it was okay for me to hand over control to the top once the "main part" started. I think we had agreed that I wanted to try different implements and that we would start with the hand and end with the cane. The rest was up to the "master of ceremonies". Of course I would never do something like "topping from the bottom"! Any bottom who would ever consider doing that? ;-)]

So, we came up with the "Rite of Spanking". It was patterned after Klingon rites of passage from the Star Trek universe, which Kaelah is a fan of. Because the Klingons themselves are modelled after the samurai culture of feudal Japan, we took some stuff from there as well. [Hey, Klingons aren't "modelled" after anyone! As a matter of fact, our culture obviously did not just influence England (the adaptation of the Klingon drama Khamlet) but also Japan...] While we did not actually role-play Klingons or Japanese, we used them as templates and sources of inspiration. I was going to be a "master of ceremonies", without further description, Kaelah a "student", and we were going to perform this rite together where I introduce her to the practice of spanking.

Before the spanking itself, we would have a Japanese tea ceremony, and another one afterwards. [It was a Klingon tea ceremony. While I'm very interested in the Japanese culture, I don't have the knowledge necessary to perform a Japanese tea ceremony.] Around this basic concept, we built a fairly elaborate procedure [WE???] that involved Kaelah's Tai Chi suit, a "ring" of candles on the floor, a mirror, a few torches, and a set of inscriptions on the wall naming the virtues which the student is supposed to attain. [Don't forget to mention the singing bowl. It wouldn't have been the same without the singing bowl!]

After some deliberation, we found a good place to do our ritual. The only drawback was that the room had previously been used for storage, so it had to be cleared out. Kaelah even enlisted some vanilla friends to help her, telling them that she needed the room for a "Klingon tea ceremony". Given that she already had a reputation among her friends for being, shall we say, somewhat eccentric, the story didn't raise much of an eyebrow. Still, I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing. "Couldn't you just have told them the full truth, that we're planning some perverted sex games in the room?" I joked to Kaelah. "That would have been less embarrassing!" [Well, actually some of my friends knew about the perverted sex games we were planning. And I remember that you didn't feel too comfortable with that prospect, either! ;-)]


When I arrived at Kaelah's for the big weekend, the first thing we did was cuddle on the sofa. Even though it was very innocent and happened on Kaelah's initiative, I felt a tad "unprofessional" for doing it - what had happened to the detached, experienced top and counsellor? [Wait a moment, I have to clarify that thing before someone believes I somehow bewitched that poor, innocent, strictly professional guy! I just brought a woollen blanket while we were sitting on the sofa and just wanted to sit next to you. The next thing I remember is that I was lying on the couch in front of you (fully clothed, ye perverts!) because a certain someone wanted to show me his favourite cuddling position!] However, it all served a purpose, as it added another way for Kaelah to confirm that the chemistry was right. In this case, the physical chemistry.

The next day, we went to the local home improvement store for our shopping tour. I think we ended up with one of the weirdest item collections they had ever sold to a pair of customers: First, two big metal stands. I have no idea what they were originally designed for, but we would use them as holders for the torches (Kaelah had already received the torches by mail-order). Two, a sack of flowerpot earth, which we would fill the holders with so that the torches could stand properly. Three, some cushions for the tea ceremony. [Yes, I wanted the cushions for my knees. I can still remember your comment: “You're really strange. You want your bottom spanked, but then you insist on a cushion in order not to hurt your knees.” Well, I didn't say my behaviour is always consistent, did I?] Four, a full-body mirror. [Not my idea. I didn't know what exactly this was for.] Five, a fire extinguisher.

In its own way, the hunt for the right equipment was just as much fun as the scene itself. I remember it fondly, and the clerks at the checkout are probably still wondering what we were up to. [Still, this part of our shopping tour wasn't as strange as the part not meant for the ceremony. It was the time of carnival and I needed a dog collar for a punk costume. Of course the best place to buy a dog collar is a pet shop. Fortunately, we found some sweet collars. But I didn't now my size, so I had to try them on. Guess which size fitted me? You're right, the fitting size was "SM"... ;-)]

The torches were proving to be a problem. They would provide a magnificent atmosphere for our ritual, but also suck the oxygen from the room at an alarming rate. Kaelah discovered during her internet research that accidents were pretty common where people used torches indoors, quickly passed out, and then suffocated. It would have made for a wonderfully lurid news story in our case: man and woman found dead, one of them partially naked, in a room filled with spanking paraphernalia and Klingon inscriptions... [I have to admit that the idea seemed somehow fascinating. That's what I call going out with a bang!] But we decided not to go down that way! Instead, we reduced the number of torches from the six Kaelah originally wanted to two. Moreover, we would not keep them burning for the entire duration. We would light them briefly before the spanking session itself, with the windows open, and again afterwards. We also had the fire extinguisher in case something went seriously wrong.


Because Kaelah had such a creative input (indeed, creative leadership) in regards to the framework of the scene, the tea ceremonies, the props and so on, she felt sufficiently comfortable and in control to make the big jump. At the same time, she left the central segment, where the actual "initiation" would take place, entirely up to me, the "master". It was an elegant arrangement. On my part, I had decided that we would start with a classical OTK hand spanking and end with a caning - the two things Kaelah was most curious about after the stories she had read and the videos she had seen. She was less interested in other implements, but open-minded about trying out some. So I added a leather paddle for the middle part, a nice contrast and a build-up to the cane.

That was it - hand, paddle, cane. A standard progression, but a good one. Three implements were enough to create a dramatic arc, without overburdening Kaelah or the confines of the scene. Of course, Kaelah was left in the dark about the exact choice of instruments, the progression and the other things I might have in mind. But she could probably make a good guess.

Then came the day of the ritual. In the afternoon, Kaelah had an anxiety attack. All the fears came up again, about maybe having to back out during the scene, maybe not being able to handle the pain, disappointing me... [It was not just the fears coming up, it was more than that. When I'm opening up that way, I'm able to get down to deeper emotions that are normally covered up. Which means that I can feel joy and sadness more intensively than usual. So, I did not only feel the fear, I also suddenly felt the sadness about certain other events in my vanilla life.] She was pretty mad at her half-Klingon side: "Typical Kaelah! First, she comes up with these grand ideas. And then, when the time comes and I could really use her bravery, she leaves me alone!" [That's one of the downsides of being half-Klingon. The impulsive Klingon part usually gets you into some kind of trouble and then the rational human part has to face the music.]

We cuddled some more on the sofa and I assured Kaelah that, no matter what happened, I would not be disappointed. She had shown great bravery by coming as far as she had. In my view, she had passed the most important test already, and everything that followed was simply a bonus. Also, I could honestly say that I had never had this much fun just preparing for a scene - our emails, the creative collaboration, the shopping tour. What a ride it had been. Now, we would just take it easy and see how things developed. Without any undue pressure. [I think that time of cuddling was one of the keys that turned my first spanking into a really good experience! It made me feel being taken seriously, safe and cared for. And it showed me that you were interested in me as a whole person, not just as a playing partner.]

Kaelah calmed down, took a bath, listened to some music. An hour or so later, right at sunset [5.51 pm] as we had planned, we went to the ritual chamber.


(to be continued in the third and final part)

Movie Review: The Warlock's Revenge

Producer:
Lupus Pictures (released in 2003)

Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:

Princess gets caned to lift wizard's curse

Victim Appeal:
In this sequel of sorts to The Fairy Tale, one of my favourite movies from the old Rigid East label, the Czechs (who had by this time renamed themselves Lupus Pictures) undertook another excursion into the realm of whimsy medieval fantasy. They spared no expenses whatsoever this time and rented a real castle for the production. We also get to see a proper dungeon, complete with iron shackles, a display cage for the prisoners and a torture rack. Together with the usual nice costumes and props from Lupus, it provides a magnificent stage for the cast to showcase their skills (and their bodies).

The princess (obviously, there has to be a princess!) is played by Terezie Vesela, a brunette girl who brings an appropriately quiet-yet-defiant demeanour to the role. The video also features Adela Valkova, another brunette, as a chamber maid, plus classic Lupus star Katerina Tetova as a "wanton", a lascivious woman who has been imprisoned for her... well, lasciviousness. Katerina's face is hidden behind an iron mask throughout the entire film - I didn't realise it was her until I read the credits. I'm not sure whether this constitutes a terrible waste or a pretty cool casting choice. Probably both.

Gratuitous Sadism:
"The Warlock's Revenge" shows a fairy tale kingdom in decline. A wizard is infatuated with the king's daughter, but she refuses to marry him. Enraged, the warlock (played by Michal Valášek) decides to deprive the old king (Pavel Stastny) of his most favourite pastime - eating. He casts a dark spell over the land that causes all food to lose its salty, sour and bitter taste. The king and his court are forced to dine on nothing but sweets, which gets rather redundant. "I'd kill for a herring!" he cries out. "Salty potatoes..." However, the warlock will not lift his curse until the princess is disciplined (i.e. caned!) for her defiance and marries him. The princess, on her part, holds steadfast in her refusal.

Because the king can not persuade his daughter to make the sacrifice, he and his crafty advisor come up with a ploy to fool the wizard. The wizard resides in a magical portrait and can only see things that happen in front of it. So, they are going to spank a different girl, make her scream in pain, and pretend that it is the princess! The poor chamber maid is handed over to the king's hangmen (among them Pavel Stastny in a double role) for a session in the dungeon.

The incompetent hangmen use their standard interrogation techniques (rack, water torture) until the advisor storms in and explains to them that the maid is not supposed to confess anyting, they simply have to make her scream. They tie the girl up and whip her with birches, but she stays silent (42 lashes are shown on-screen). A flogging is also ineffective (17 lashes shown). Finally, a caning in the diaper position (25 strokes shown) produces the desired sounds. However, the wizard does not fall for it.

The king tries another ruse. This time, they use the wanton prisoner with her iron "bridle" mask, hoping that the wizard will mistake her for the princess. The woman is brought into the castle yard, sat astride a wooden horse and given a hard birching on her buttucks and her back. It's a long, quickly paced beating and I counted 152 lashes. The whole thing happens in front of the warlock's eyes (or rather, in front of his portrait), but again, he does not believe that it is the princess being disciplined.

Having run out of tricks, the king flatly tells his daughter that she must do as the warlock demands, there is no other choice. She is tied to a wooden bench and the chief hangman whips her bottom with a switch. After 50 painful strokes, when she begs for mercy, the warlock steps out of his magic portrait - he is now in the scene together with the other characters - and instructs the hangman to stop. He grabs the switch himself and gives the princess a handful more strokes, light ones, to drive the lesson home. The story then ends with a typical Lupus surprise twist, but I won't spoil it for you here.

Best Reactions:
The caning of the princess, Terezie Vesela, is the dramatic highlight of the film, and I also liked her reactions the most. She's a defiant girl, writhing and gasping heavily, trying very hard to suppress any sound of pain. After about a dozen strokes, she starts crying. The bindings on her hands are loose enough to allow her to wipe away her tears, which Terezie does frequently, with an exquisitely angry motion.

Best Line:
The chief hangman is a lot of fun to listen to while he does his dirty work. At one point, he reminisces to his assistants about the good old days: "Well, he was a true master, I tell you. 27 executions in one day! In the capital, in the main square. Big applause, of course."

My favourite part, though, is when he examines the switches for the punishment of the princess: "Are they fresh? Good. My grandpa hanged himself when his tool broke at a public execution."

Nice Psychological Touch:
I liked how the king repeatedly tries to spare his daughter, his "sweet one", from being caned. Futile, but cute. They also did some amusing things with the "magical portrait", which consists of a recording of Michal Valasek on a monitor, "interacting" with the other characters.

How Good Is It Really?

In terms of action, I have seen better movies from Lupus. The birchings and canings in this one are okay, but not great. The visual backdrop, the humour of the plot and the inventive little details are the real reasons to watch "The Warlock's Revenge". Michal Valasek and Pavel Stastny turn in great, wacky performances as the warlock and the king. The special effects used for the magical portrait are simple, but fun to watch. And the castle location is just spectacular.

As a bonus to the regular CP, fans of medieval torture get some interesting scenes, like the hangmen forcing water down the maid's throat with a funnel (a predecessor of waterboarding) or the wanton girl riding the uncomfortable wooden horse.

What You Learned:
The iron yoke worn by one of the girls in the dungeon, where her neck and hands are locked with a hinged board, is known as a "shrew's fiddle".

Rites of Passage

In my Christmas post last year, I wrote that I hadn't really celebrated Christmas since I was a child. Being an agnostic, my habit as an adult was to simply have a nice dinner on the evening of the 24th.

Well, now that I am happily involved with Kaelah, that has changed quite a bit - like so many other things in my life. She is one of those pesky Christians. [At least I have made my decision instead of being stuck in the middle.] Even though she's pretty cool as Christians go. [Most of the Christians I know are pretty cool.] Also, Kaelah is more family-oriented than me (coming to think of it, 99% of the population are more family-oriented than me...). [No comment!] So Christmas this year was rather more extensive than what I'm used to. [Just trying to save your soul.] It was nice enough, but I'm still recovering. [And I already spared you a part of the Christmas-related appointments and responsibilities. Christmas light for newbies, as I would call it...]

On the plus side, because of Kaelah's charitable influence [Do I sense a subtle ironic undertone here?], you are getting not just one, but two Christmas presents this time. The early one was a picture and a write-up from one of our recent play sessions. And now, as the late one, we bring you the long-awaited account of the very first time we ever played. I've been promising you the full story ever since first introducing Kaelah, and after numerous delays [A certain someone is the king of procrastinators!], we were finally able to do it as a Christmas gift for you.

One of the reasons why we took so long is that we wanted to give you both perspectives, so we worked together on the whole thing. [Read: Ludwig wrote his account and then generously allowed me to add some comments.] My majestic monologue is in the normal text format, and Kaelah is going to make some annoying interruptions using bold text in square brackets. [First of all, I'm not making annoying interruptions. I'm just adding the zest that turns good food into a delicacy. Secondly, I'm quite sure that they already got the bracket thing, Ludwig.] Predictably, because we are both so powerfully eloquent [Some would call us verbose smart asses!], the write-up ended up being a wee bit longer than planned. [As I already predicted days ago.] Instead of doing it in one post, we're doing it in three. However, they will come at shorter intervals than usual.

Without further ado, the tale of Kaelah's first ever spanking... [Don't worry, we won't really get to that part in the first post!]

Losing one's spanko virginity is such a Big Event. For most of us, it is bigger and more life-changing than losing our "vanilla" virginity. It certainly was for me. [Yes, I agree. Although today I'm of the opinion that, with the right partner, “vanilla” sex can be almost as ... ahem ... satisfying as a good spanking.] The same weighting of importance applies for me when it comes to the helping-to-lose part: I never obsessed over "deflowering" a girl (an ugly term, in my view!), the way many men apparently do. [That said, you didn't seem too unhappy at the time it was due to happen...] However, being the first to spank a girl was an idea that held immense appeal, both as an erotic fantasy and in terms of more general values and emotions. Being the first to chastise her with the dreaded cane, my favourite implement, was an alternate fantasy that seemed almost as good.

If you asked me to state, in one simple sentence, what I really want as a top (in private play, not in filmmaking mode), I would say: "To give a special experience to the spankee." Well, what more special and memorable experience could you possibly give someone than their first ever spanking? Conversely, what greater gift could you receive than the trust that you are the right one to administer it? Granted, not all first spankings take place after such careful considerations (in other words, not everyone is a perfectionist control freak like Kaelah and me). [Perfectionist? Control freak? Me?] But many do, and there is something romantic about the idea.

First times are life-changing, but not always in a good way. They are delicate moments. A lot of potential joy can be ruined, or even worse, a lot of long-term damage can be done if things go wrong somehow - if it turns out that that you were with the wrong person after all, or if the circumstances are not what they should have been. So, giving someone their first spanking is also a challenge for the top. As the top, even more than usual, you want everything to be just right, just about perfect. You want to reward the trust that has been given to you.

In several years of exploring my kink, I had done quite a few things already. I had played as a top and as a bottom, I had corresponded with and met various people, I had started the blog, I'd had a play relationship with Josephine, I had shot video clips with Niki Flynn. But I had never helped anyone to lose their spanko virginity, or even their virginity with any particular type of implement (the one downside of being friends with veteran kinksters like Niki is that you are unlikely to ever be first at anything...). I admit that, whenever I read exuberant stories about "my first spanking" or "my first caning" in the blogosphere, I felt a surge of envy for the top. Envy is my favourite deadly sin, anyway.

Then, in the last days of 2008, Kaelah sent me her wonderful "looking for unknown top x" mail (see Where No Man Has Spanked Before for the full quasi-mathematical breakdown). She wrote that her resolutions for the new year included getting her first spanking, that she had decided to definitely try it for real - and that she wanted to get to know me in person, because she felt that I was probably the right x for the task. [You wouldn't believe how nervous I was after I had sent that mail. Usually, I don't ask complete strangers to meet me and to introduce me to any kind of sexual practise. Thinking about it, I'm quite sure that most people don't do that very often, right?] Predictably, I was delighted at the delicious prospect. From our previous correspondence, it was clear that Kaelah was a smart, interesting girl, a fellow science fiction geek, and judging from the photographs she had attached once, also quite attractive. Being the one to initiate her, of all people, was an even hotter fantasy than usual.

But more than excitement or gleeful anticipation, I just felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility. Above all, I was flattered by Kaelah's trust and openness. I wanted to be absolutely sure, probably even more than she herself, that it was justified. I was going to meet her, and if I had any doubts that I was the right guy, I would back out. Rare as these opportunities might be, I was going to do what was good for Kaelah and place my self-interest strictly below that. [Believe me, I did everything one could possibly do to make sure I would be choosing the right guy for the job. Okay, I am a control freak! Remember the control phone calls I got from my family and friends when we met for the first time?! ;-)]

When you accompany someone through their first spanking experience, you are faced with one dilemma to begin with: to a certain extent, you have to give contradictory impulses. On the one hand, you have to try and take all the self-applied pressure away from the spankee and make them feel comfortable. All the more so with someone like Kaelah, who is Ms. Self-Applied Pressure personified. [Hey, I'm already so much cooler and more relaxed than I was ten or fifteen years ago! You should ask my former classmates how I look like under real self-applied pressure...] I would reassure her that there was no hurry and no foregone conclusion, that she should take her time to think everything through, and that it would be perfectly alright if she changed her mind at any time before or during the spanking.

At the same time, I would point out that, if she really wanted to find out, then sooner or later, she would simply have to make the jump - with me or someone else. You can prepare, plan and deliberate, you can build self-confidence and trust, you can listen to the stories of others for months or even years. But ultimately, there are no guarantees and you just have to try it for yourself one day. Only then will you know whether you like spanking and CP for real, whether the reality matches fantasy. Careful preparation is all fine and necessary, but one mustn't fall into the trap of eternal postponement, as some would-be-spankees do. [Hmmm, I think about eight months between reading about the concept of erotic spanking for the first time and trying it for real isn't too long, is it?]

When Kaelah and I met for the first time, I spelled out these contradictory advices to her, and why I felt that they were both sound. We also heeded them in practice: we talked about potential scenarios, implements, limits and so on in concrete terms, because I wanted to get to know Kaelah's preconceived fantasies, insofar as they existed, in as much detail as possible. At the same time, we only spoke in the subjunctive mood, because that made it all a bit less daunting for her. "If we were to play together, what would we do?"

So, we established that - if we were to play together! - some kind of "initiation ritual" would probably be the best way to go. Without actual role-play, but with the two of us being ourselves in front of a ritualised, festive backdrop. [Yeah, that conversation was really strange! Can you imagine how it feels like to have a man whom you just met for the first time sitting on your couch and asking you for what exactly you would like to be punished? ;-) That question was the weirdest one you asked me because I suddenly realised that I didn't want to be punished at all. I just wanted someone experienced at my side to lead me through my first spanking.]

We established that Kaelah was especially curious about the cane, which pleased me a great deal, even though I was too discreet to say it aloud at the time. [Yes, the cane. It looked so elegant, but after all I had read about it I wasn't sure whether I could take even a single stroke.] And we established that she didn't have a problem with nudity. "Getting it on the bare is the whole point of a spanking, isn't it?" she said, and when I asked whether she could imagine being fully nude, she added: "Possibly... After all, I go to the sauna!" I thought that was a droll reply.

[Well, actually I didn't want to be spanked on the bare only because it was such a hot fantasy. I never thought about doing it with the clothes still on because I thought it would be much safer, especially for an inexperienced bottom, if the top could see the marks and possible damage. And the question about full nudity caught me flat-footed! Then I thought about the sauna and that being nude in front of others was something completely natural there. So, why not? Actually, since it was one theoretical question among many others, I didn't expect you to go that far right at the first time, anyway. Yes, I am a bit naïve sometimes!]

Fundamentally, we found out that the personal chemistry seemed to be fine. A few weeks later, Kaelah repaid my visit and came to Munich, where she wanted to get to know me in my "home environment". We talked some more and the initiation ritual idea began to take a more concrete shape. "Do you want me to stop talking in the subjunctive?" I asked her. She smiled and shook her head: "No, keep it for the time being..." [I already had some very concrete ideas in my mind at that point. But I remember that it was still strange to tell you about them because while there already was a quite detailed scene in my head I still wasn't 100 per cent sure whether I was ready to try it for real.]

Later on, Kaelah showed me some Tai Chi exercises with a martial arts-type folding fan she had brought along. She was extremely graceful and the performance seriously tested my professional, unselfish detachment. Damn it, I thought while I sat there watching, wouldn't it be a pity if she decided to back out after all this? I couldn't keep my mind from wandering off and picturing how great she would look bent over [with all the distracting clothes removed], for the cane.

As it turned out, Kaelah decided to go ahead. We exchanged some more emails, fixed the last details of our chosen scenario and targetted late February for the date. If everything worked out as planned, Kaelah would start a new occupation then, one that required responsibility and leadership skills. So it made sense to schedule our spanking initiation ritual around the same time - it paralleled the other development in Kaelah's life, gave the ritual a sort of grounding in reality, and provided us with a definite time frame to prepare for.

Then, the new occupation failed to materialise. It was no fault of Kaelah's and she wasn't even very disappointed in the end, except for the fact that we had lost the "real" background for our play. However, as she told me on the phone that evening: "We will do it, anyway. I'm not calling it off now!" It was one of those cases where you plan to do something one way, you end up doing it another way - and somehow, with hindsight, it all fits together.

[That was an interesting development. At first I needed that real-life event as a kind of fortune wheel to take the final decision on when to make the jump away from me. “If and when the new occasion comes that'll be the time to perform the ritual and I won't have any excuses to back out...” But when the situation changed I realised that I already had made up my mind and didn't need any event to confirm my decision any more. The train was running and there was no way to stop it...]

(to be continued)