Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Kaelah's Corner (Jan 2017):
An Appointment

As our avid readers know, spare time has become less and less over the past years for Ludwig and me. This affected many aspects of our life, one of them being our sexual and kinky play. Lots of duties and only little time to recharge the batteries means that we now have less time and energy for sex and kinky fun than when we first met in 2009.

That isn't much of a problem for us, though, since we are close to each other on so many levels nowadays that having less erotic time together isn't such a huge loss. Of course, we still desire each other on a sexual level, just less frequently – after a stressful day, a nice dinner and a hot bath together can be the more tempting option!

Still, it can be challenging to find a time when we both have a few hours off, enough energy and are both in the mood for some sexual fun. Which finally brings me to today's topic: It seems to me that making explicit appointments for sex could be a way for us to fix this problem. So this is the theme I would like to discuss today.

Scheduling dates for sex is something which a couple who are friends of ours do. They are still very much in love and still have an active sexual life after many years of marriage. I don't know the details, but I think they have at least one date per week. And it seems to work out very well for them.

If you had asked me about the concept a year or so ago, I would have said that appointments for sex weren't for me, though. Because it would have set me under pressure that I must be in the right mood for sex at a time that was agreed upon previously.

That was not only a problem for me concerning vanilla sex with Ludwig, I had the same problem with kinky events and especially kinky video shoots that involved people other than Ludwig and me. After all, spanking is a very intimate thing for me, too, even if less intimate than vanilla sex. So I was always scared that I might not be in the mood for a kinky scene at the time of the event or shoot, but would have to go through with it nonetheless because the others involved counted on me. Fortunately, that never turned out to be a huge problem, but it was always on my mind.

Today, I am much more relaxed about the concept of scheduled erotic events, not only kink-wise, but also concerning vanilla sex. The reason is that I am not so much caught up in the idea anymore that I have to fulfil other people's expectations.

Concerning appointments for sex, that means those appointments would be made in order to give Ludwig and me both a good time. Nobody can guarantee in advance to be in the mood for sex at a given time. So, having made an appointment between lovers wouldn't mean that either of us would have to deliver a certain performance.

It would only mean that we would set aside time for each other and for being close. And then everything would be possible, but nothing a must. Kinky roleplay, vanilla sex, a handjob for one partner and a nice massage for the other who isn't in the mood for sexual stimulation, cuddling, taking a hot bath together and much more. It would just be a matter of communicating one's mood and one's needs openly and honestly, something which Ludwig and I are really good at.

We spontaneously had a kind of appointment for sex a few weeks ago, which brought up the whole topic I am writing about today. Ludwig was in the mood for sex one evening, but I was much too tired. After thinking for a short moment, I realised that the next day was filled with fewer activities and therefore would be a good day for some intimate time together. So this is what I told Ludwig. And while we didn't really make an appointment by setting a certain time or even agreeing that it would definitely happen, we indeed had a great erotic time together the next day. It involved a spanking, too, so I will write more about it in another post.

I am not sure that I would want to have a regular appointment for intimacy on a certain day of the week at a certain time. But taking a look at possible timeslots for an erotic time together from time to time might indeed be a good idea.

When I contemplated the topic, it came to me that appointments are indeed quite common for spanking play, especially when we are talking about kinky events, group roleplay or play partners who aren't a couple. And I guess many couples plan and schedule more elaborate scenes beforehand, too. After all, for many kinksters, the anticipation is a huge part of the fun!

I suppose that explicit appointments for vanilla sex are less common, though, especially for couples. And at first, the idea sounded much stranger to me than planning and scheduling a kinky scene in advance. Somehow, making a date for vanilla sex only seemed to be necessary for people who want to have sex with someone they are not in a relationship with. But today, I don't find the thought so strange anymore. And I think there could be advantages similar to those of scheduled kinky play, like looking forward to a time of closeness and relaxation. So maybe Ludwig and I will try this out more often in the future.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic! Are your kinky scenes scheduled in advance? How about vanilla sex or a mixture of kinky play and vanilla sex? Can you imagine scheduling that in advance, too, or have you actually made experiences with that already? Does it work out? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.


Our Bottoms Burn said...

Our work life in the decade of our thirties left little time to come up for air. Not even weekends were guaranteed to us. We did know if we were going to free on Saturday a few days in advance and we planned our how spankings would take place on that day.

Now, we can play just about anytime we want. Bacall, especially, likes to plan a spanking date a day or so in advance. That gives her time to wrap her mind around whatever kinky play she has in mind. She likes to get into a submissive state and for her that takes a little time.

Robbie said...

Actually the idea of dating my wife, in the sense of having an appointment to have sex with her, was a horror vision. Not romantic enough, not spontanous enough.

But then we became parents and this changed everything in life, really everything.

And so we had to decide, whether we live on sexless or try to create free time for us, which is in fact nothing but a "sex appointment". But since that time, I accepted this as a necessity, my mind has changed and I am glad to have sex with my wife and yes, I think I know, what you mean with "prickling anticipation". ;-)

Kaelah said...

@ Our Bottoms Burn:
It's good to think that one day in the future we will have more time for spontaneous spankings and other pleasant activities again! From your posts I know that you still love to schedule spankings in advance in order to enjoy the anticipation, though. I absolutely agree that anticipation can be a nice and important aspect when it comes to spanking. Ludwig enjoys it even more than I do!

@ Robbie:
Welcome and thanks a lot for sharing your experiences! Becoming parents indeed seems to change a lot. And it's of course great that scheduling sex in advance didn't remain a horrible necessity for you, but that you managed to make something good out of it!