“That was indeed very impressive, honey. You recall the story almost literally. That goes to show how much it meant to you at the time and still today.” Although I can't see her for I am facing the wall, I am sure that Veronica is sitting at her computer and has been comparing my words to the original story.
“That's true,” is all I reply. The story I have just recited is the very first spanking story I ever came across online six years ago. It was a revelation. Suddenly I knew what my strange fantasies had been all about. And I was reassured that I was not alone.
“It's how it all began, right?” I simply nod. “Yes, Ma'am.” - “At first we didn't take the easy road, though, did we?” I blush and nod silently. What followed directly after my discovery is nothing I am proud of.
Veronica and I had been married for 26 years at the time and had never had anything else but vanilla sex. As a matter of fact, after those 26 years we didn't have much sex at all anymore. Instead of telling her about my new discovery and my life-long fantasies, I pulled even further away from Veronica. I was convinced that she would be shocked if she found out. After a while, I even believed that she would judge me a pervert and file for divorce.
And so I kept it all to myself and began to explore this newly found world in secret. It started out pretty harmless. At first I just read more online spanking stories, a few blogs from those who actually lived the lifestyle and watched some spanking porn. My new hobby became more and more time consuming, though, and finally I reached the point where I wanted to try this out for real, no matter at which expense.
I started visiting professional dominatrices. At first infrequently. Then more and more often. Living out my fantasies with them was a dream come true. And the cause for a very bad conscience towards Veronica and a growing fear to lose her. I began to lie about where I was and what I did. I went to work early and came home late, telling her something about important projects and after-work pints with my colleagues when what I really did was hanging out at internet cafes and visiting Lady Georgia, Mistress Samantha and Madam Lucille.
Veronica and I argued more and more often. She would for instance ask me whether we could go to the cinema in the evening to watch a movie. The dialogue would unfold like this: “Honey, we haven't been out together for such a long time. How about going to the cinema this evening? They show a new funny movie called xxx.” - “No.” - “Why?” - “Because I said so.” At that point Veronica would silently retreat and I would quickly leave the house. I still loved Veronica as I did when we married and still do today, but I had no idea how to handle the situation which got more complicated and out of control with every day that went by.
We talked less and less and just passed each other on our separate ways. That was until the day on which Veronica confronted me with the fact that she knew it all. And I confessed. I told her everything from my early fantasies as a young man to that spanking story I had found online and what followed from there. Veronica was both angry and very sad. But not because of my kink. No, all the judging I had expected didn't happen. But she was angry and sad because I hadn't trusted her enough to tell her. And had betrayed her instead. Almost like the heroine of my favourite spanking story. That was the irony.
Veronica told me she needed time. She went on a short holiday trip for the weekend, alone. And I sat at home crying because I was sure I had destroyed our marriage. After three days Veronica returned. And we talked again. For hours. It was painful but at the same time cathartic and liberating. The following week we spent all evenings together talking. The more we spoke to each other, the more the mood lightened. On the second day we laughed together at one point. On the fourth day we drank wine while talking. And on the seventh day we went out for a walk and ended up sitting next to each other at the riverside watching the moon and the stars.
It was clear that the wounds caused by my betrayal would take time to heal. But contrary to my worries Veronica wasn't willing to give up on us. And what came like a shock to me – our conversations revealed that she had gathered a lot of information about erotic spanking on her weekend away and the days after in order to understand me better. In addition to that she asked me hundreds of questions which I tried to answer as best as I could.
Our life got much better from that point on. It was okay for Veronica that I read about spanking online and watched spanking porn, but she didn't want me to go to a pro domme. Being able to dwell on kinky sites without the fear of being caught and without having a bad conscience was wonderful. Sometimes, Veronica would sit next to me and read what I was reading or watch what I was watching. At first, it felt a bit strange and I was slightly uncomfortable when she did that. But over time I got used to it and even appreciated it because it usually led to a nice conversation.
About three months after my confession there was another life-changing day. Veronica came to me and told me that she had done something behind my back as well. In the past three months as she had learned more and more about my kink, she had realised that the idea of spanking me gave her a thrill. She wasn't sure, though, whether it was just a stimulating fantasy or whether she would also enjoy it for real. Since she didn't want to raise a false hope on my behalf, she didn't tell me about her thoughts and instead contacted one of the dominatrices I had been to. Lady Georgia offered training courses for spanking newbies and Veronica went to one of these without telling me. As she revealed to me afterwards on that special day, she had actually enjoyed it and was willing to introduce erotic spanking play into our life!