“That was indeed very
impressive, honey. You recall the story almost literally. That goes
to show how much it meant to you at the time and still today.”
Although I can't see her for I am facing the wall, I am sure that
Veronica is sitting at her computer and has been comparing my words
to the original story.
“That's true,” is all
I reply. The story I have just recited is the very first spanking
story I ever came across online six years ago. It was a revelation.
Suddenly I knew what my strange fantasies had been all about. And I
was reassured that I was not alone.
“It's how it all began,
right?” I simply nod. “Yes, Ma'am.” - “At first we didn't
take the easy road, though, did we?” I blush and nod silently. What
followed directly after my discovery is nothing I am proud of.
Veronica and I had been
married for 26 years at the time and had never had anything else but
vanilla sex. As a matter of fact, after those 26 years we didn't have
much sex at all anymore. Instead of telling her about my new
discovery and my life-long fantasies, I pulled even further away from
Veronica. I was convinced that she would be shocked if she found out.
After a while, I even believed that she would judge me a pervert and
file for divorce.
And so I kept it all to
myself and began to explore this newly found world in secret. It
started out pretty harmless. At first I just read more online
spanking stories, a few blogs from those who actually lived the
lifestyle and watched some spanking porn. My new hobby became more
and more time consuming, though, and finally I reached the point
where I wanted to try this out for real, no matter at which expense.
I started visiting
professional dominatrices. At first infrequently. Then more and more
often. Living out my fantasies with them was a dream come true. And
the cause for a very bad conscience towards Veronica and a growing
fear to lose her. I began to lie about where I was and what I did. I
went to work early and came home late, telling her something about
important projects and after-work pints with my colleagues when what
I really did was hanging out at internet cafes and visiting Lady
Georgia, Mistress Samantha and Madam Lucille.
Veronica and I argued more
and more often. She would for instance ask me whether we could go to
the cinema in the evening to watch a movie. The dialogue would unfold
like this: “Honey, we haven't been out together for such a
long time. How about going to the cinema this evening? They show a
new funny movie called xxx.” - “No.” - “Why?” - “Because
I said so.” At that point Veronica would silently retreat and I
would quickly leave the house. I still loved Veronica as I did when
we married and still do today, but I had no idea how to handle the
situation which got more complicated and out of control with every
day that went by.
We talked less and less
and just passed each other on our separate ways. That was until the
day on which Veronica confronted me with the fact that she knew it
all. And I confessed. I told her everything from my early fantasies
as a young man to that spanking story I had found online and what
followed from there. Veronica was both angry and very sad. But not
because of my kink. No, all the judging I had expected didn't happen.
But she was angry and sad because I hadn't trusted her enough to tell
her. And had betrayed her instead. Almost like the heroine of my
favourite spanking story. That was the irony.
Veronica told me she
needed time. She went on a short holiday trip for the weekend, alone.
And I sat at home crying because I was sure I had destroyed our
marriage. After three days Veronica returned. And we talked again.
For hours. It was painful but at the same time cathartic and
liberating. The following week we spent all evenings together
talking. The more we spoke to each other, the more the mood
lightened. On the second day we laughed together at one point. On the
fourth day we drank wine while talking. And on the seventh day we
went out for a walk and ended up sitting next to each other at the
riverside watching the moon and the stars.
It was clear that the
wounds caused by my betrayal would take time to heal. But contrary to
my worries Veronica wasn't willing to give up on us. And what came
like a shock to me – our conversations revealed that she had
gathered a lot of information about erotic spanking on her weekend
away and the days after in order to understand me better. In addition
to that she asked me hundreds of questions which I tried to answer as
best as I could.
Our life got much better
from that point on. It was okay for Veronica that I read about
spanking online and watched spanking porn, but she didn't want me to
go to a pro domme. Being able to dwell on kinky sites without the
fear of being caught and without having a bad conscience was
wonderful. Sometimes, Veronica would sit next to me and read what I
was reading or watch what I was watching. At first, it felt a bit
strange and I was slightly uncomfortable when she did that. But over
time I got used to it and even appreciated it because it usually led
to a nice conversation.
About three months after
my confession there was another life-changing day. Veronica came to
me and told me that she had done something behind my back as well. In
the past three months as she had learned more and more about my kink,
she had realised that the idea of spanking me gave her a thrill. She
wasn't sure, though, whether it was just a stimulating fantasy or
whether she would also enjoy it for real. Since she didn't want to
raise a false hope on my behalf, she didn't tell me about her
thoughts and instead contacted one of the dominatrices I had been to.
Lady Georgia offered training courses for spanking newbies and
Veronica went to one of these without telling me. As she revealed to
me afterwards on that special day, she had actually enjoyed it and
was willing to introduce erotic spanking play into our life!
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