Kaelah's Corner (Apr 2016): Locomotive Breath

The process of moving in together is now almost complete, seven years after Ludwig and I became a couple. A few days ago, I left Ludwig's old place for the very last time. Being the sentimental person that I am, this was an occasion which made me very sad.

I walked through the rooms one more time, remembering all the events that took place here. One thing that comes to my mind when I think about Ludwig's place is my first visit, shortly after we had seen each other in person for the very first time. How I looked around excitedly and a bit nervously, recognizing a cane lying in one corner of the room we sat in and wondering which kinds of kinky implements Ludwig might possess other than canes and whether he would show them to me.

I also tried to find out more about who Ludwig was and remember that I was of course curious to see, for instance, which kinds of books were on his bookshelf. We talked almost the whole time during the two days I visited Ludwig and did some sightseeing as well. I was so overwhelmed that I got a stomach-ache when we ate dinner at one of Ludwig's favourite restaurants before I left on the second day. At that time, most of our conversation was about kink, since that's how we had found each other and since I was thinking about making my first spanking experience with Ludwig.

Another important memory is of the day when we fell asleep together in one bed for the very first time. We hadn't planned for that to happen. At that time we were still just friends and Ludwig had put up a separate sleeping place for me. But then we went to sleep together in his bed, cuddled around each other.

I also remember the uncountable times I arrived for a weekend together either by car or by train, in which case Ludwig always came to the station to welcome me. The many days we were having breakfast and supper together, sitting at the dining table, talking about kink and vanilla topics, getting to know each other better and better. Coming to Ludwig always meant a few days off for me, a time for walks, little excursions, evenings with friends and relaxation.

Of course there were difficult times, too. I also remember the afternoon when we were cuddling on the couch, both being very sad, because we talked about splitting up and it wasn't clear whether I would ever return after leaving at the end of the weekend. Later, Ludwig quickly packed away the extra sheets on the bed before I had even left because, as he told me, he wouldn't be able to stand the sight of them after I was gone, not knowing whether I would ever come back to use them again.

And then there were our first sexual and kinky experiences together, some of which we shared in this place as well. Some were immortalised on photo and of course we have vanilla pictures and videos of the place, too. But still it makes me sad to know that I won't be able to simply walk in there anymore and relive some of the memories from the beginning of our relationship.

On the day I left, the weather was warm and the sun shining brightly. Ludwig and I went for a last walk along one of the routes we had walked so often over the years. One of the cats from the neighbourhood came over to say farewell. And then it was time for me to leave.

I think it was good that I was travelling by train this time. Because otherwise I might a) not have been able to force myself to leave (having had to catch a certain train made it easier), b) have been a danger to others driving a car, given how tearful I was when I left and c) have cried even more driving through the town for the very last time, slowly but steadily getting further and further away from the place I called my second home for seven years.

Ludwig brought me to the train station and we said goodbye. He was staying behind to settle a few more things before the place would be handed over to its next inhabitant. I went to our new place alone, of course knowing that Ludwig would follow me, soon.

You know, the strange thing is, that of course rationally everything is fine. Ludwig and I will live together, not having to travel between his place and my place anymore, but calling our new place our common home. We are married. And we look forward to a new time in life with great new opportunities and adventures lying ahead of us. We even managed to have our closest family members nearby at our new place!

But still I was sad when I gazed at my train ticket which looked like so many I had bought before, showing the destination that had always meant visiting Ludwig and sharing a few days off with him. It reminded me of the song Locomotive Breath by Jethro Tull, one of my favourite bands. I thought about the question what home means and about origin and roots. And I wrote this post on the train, tearing up more than once, using this as a way to process what was going on.

One thing is certain, life constantly changes and there is no way to stop or slow down the train. What we can do, though, is see the chances and opportunities which are awaiting us at every station along the way. And keeping the happy memories from the past in our hearts.

I know we will come back a lot for holiday weekends to visit friends, enjoy relaxing walks and go for little excursions. We might even be more mindful knowing that we won't be there every other weekend. And we will build us a new home together, OUR little home.
 

In any case, it's not like everything from our old life is gone now. Many of our books, some of the furniture and of course the kinky implements have moved with us. I think we should be able to feel at home like that.