I recently and purely by accident discovered a Chinese BDSM picture gallery. Well, the pictures are taken from Western BDSM sites, but they were apparently uploaded and shared in a free gallery by a Chinese person. Kaelah and I have been to China, you can read our posts Kinky China (Part 1): The Forbidden City and Kinky China (Part 2): The Great Wall about the (mildly) BDSM-related aspects of our trip. I have always had a great fascination with the country's history and culture, which are among the oldest on the planet. Moreover, it is good to know (and not at all surprising) that there are spanking and CP enthusiasts among the Chinese, too.
The garbled English phrases accompanying the pictures inspired me to write this post. Some of them are short, to the point and entirely correct, like "secretary was punished". Others are unwieldy, but quite understandable, like "the females having their bodies caned". Still others are utterly outlandish and hilarious. I wanted to share my favourites with you, together with the assorted pictures. The pictures are small, but I decided to leave them at the resolution in which they were posted. I will give credit to the original source where I know it.
I would like to point out that it is not my intention to mock this Chinese guy or make fun of him in a mean way. His English is certainly droll, but it is way better than my Mandarin (which only consists of "hello" and "thank you"). So any arrogance on my part is unwarranted. Given how different the languages are structurally, given how difficult it is for the Chinese to learn English (and vice versa), I commend anyone who tries. The aim of this post is to put a humorous spin on language differences and the accidents of translation, not to be mean or condescending towards any nationality or person.
Here are the pictures with the original text in bold and my comments underneath:
"The blonde gets bloody excommunication."
Picture originally from Mood Pictures. I don't recall it having a religious theme. That said, "Bloody Excommunication" is a neat expression. Sounds like it should have been the title of a 1970s exploitation film starring Laura Gemser.
"Calumnious outdoor bullwhipping."
Picture originally from Paingate. I must admit, I had never heard the term "calumnious" before. According to my dictionary, it is synonymous with "defamatory", "slanderous". It certainly does not sound like a word normal human beings would use in conversation. Chinese BDSM picture galleries and obtuse academic treatises are the only places where you will see it. Wait a minute - I don't think normal human beings use the term "obtuse", either!
"Pretty girl restrained over a desk to acquire a brutal hitting exceeding her bared nuisance."
It's not a desk, it's the famous Lupus Pictures bench. Wish I had one. And I have no idea what "exceeding her bared nuisance" is supposed to mean. Exceeding her bare annoying bottom? Exceeding her pain threshold? Anyway, the "pretty girl" in the picture is Niki Flynn in the film Crime and Punishment, reviewed on this blog.
"Spreading shrunken babes pussy for heavy punishing away from whips coupled with crops."
At first sight, that reads like a dish on a Chinese restaurant menu. Shrunken babes pussy! In a hot stew accompanied by tasty crops! Only 30 yuan!
"Hot blonde brutally caned on her unending ripe arse - wise cane stripes."
Well, actually, her arse begins below the lower back and ends above the upper legs, as most arses do. So it is not unending. But I like how that adjective is used as a term of praise here. I also love the "wise cane stripes" - as opposed to, what, "foolish cane stripes"?
"Brutal pompously for a fabulous murk upstairs all fours."
Another Lupus Pictures photo. I can't for the life of me figure out what a "fabulous murk" is supposed to be. If you have any suggestions, let me know. And what does "pompously" have to do with it? And what is going on upstairs? This gets weirder all the time.
"Most severe ass whipping torture for juicy denuded brunette fixed in the whipping bar."
Probably from Paingate. Another wonderful application of an unusual adjective, "denuded". Hey girlfriend, come over here, let's get denuded! On a sidenote, I think "The whipping Bar" would be a great name for a BDSM club.
"Wrapped in tight hemp rope and manufactured to cum."
This reads like product advertising or a description of an industrial process. I like the attention to detail, though: "hemp rope". Not silk, not polyester, but hemp! See, the material is important.
"Juicy blonde is lion-hearted roped mistresses whip smashes into will not hear of in flames swollen clit."
I believe this picture is courtesy of Paingate. I do not see a blonde on it, though, nor a clit, swollen or otherwise. Perhaps that is what the author of the text imagines is about to happen.
"Real fantastic open-air bullwhipping of a hanged up leafless beauty with no keep off non-native someone's skin insulting strokes."
Open-air bullwhipping! What a delightful phrase. Coming to think of it, it sounds so much more exciting than "outdoor". "Skin-insulting strokes" is pretty neat, too. I don't know what "leafless" is supposed to mean here, however.
I must say, the pictures have inducted me into the mood for a brutal hitting on the ripe unending arse of my juicy blonde lion-hearted girlfriend the next time we are together. I want to denude her and keep her in tight hemp rope. Maybe she will return the favour and give me some wise cane stripes as well in the whipping bar, who knows. Then fabulous murk upstairs.