Monday, September 24, 2012

Six of the Best Search Terms: Volume II

Hi, folks! Time for another look at the strangest search terms which led people to this blog. The first instalment was published quite some time ago and in the meantime, interesting new search terms have shown up. Let's take a look at six of them:

naval cadet spankings floggings canings
Oh yes, in that order please!

darth vader bdsm
That person was obviously wrong on our blog. It's Star Trek, you know? Star TREK, not Star WARS! Sigh. Star Wars is over here.

esthetic spanking blog
This person has obviously found the right place! - What do you mean with "arrogant"???

gluteus maximus spanking

This reminds me of the educational responsibility that goes along with writing a kinky blog or making spanking porn. So, how about changing the vocabulary in kinky stories and clips a bit? Like: "I'm going to flagellate your gluteus maximus with this terginum until you accept me as your prefect!" No?

fudit├Ątsch
A true example for the educational mission and the international flair of this blog! It's a Swiss term related to spanking which was explained by Ursus Lewis in his comment on my post Spanking Terms Around the World. I'm not sure, though, whether being threatened with "fudit├Ątsch" would scare me or make me laugh. The Swiss language is really unique!

why do guys look at spanking porn
Good question! So, welcome to the newest edition of: Ask Ms Kaelah!

Dear Ms Anonymous,
it is indeed quite common for men to look at spanking porn, which means you don't have to worry that anything is wrong with your partner if he is doing it. That your partner watches spanking porn most probably only means that he is a harmless kinky pervert. Try to find out what he likes, exactly, and you might have a lot of unexpected fun in bed (or wherever)! And rest assured that your partner's porn watching activities are neither a threat to your relationship nor a sign that you are in any way imperfect as a woman or lover.

So, just … excuse me for a moment! Ludwig, what the heck are you doing there? Watching one of those five skinny 20-year-old "I don't care about hanging my tits into the camera and showing my private parts" girls in 30 minutes videos from Mood Pictures, huh?! What? Yes, of course, you are just watching it because you promised to write those $%&§!?# movie reviews for the blog again. Hard work, huh? Verbally maybe. Am I not enough for you? What do you mean, I'm hysterical? I AM NOT HYSTERICAL!!! I am only having a bad headache. And this is going to last at least one month, my friend, I can promise you that!

Uhm, where was I? Yes: So, just embrace your partner's openness for sexual kinky adventures. Show him that you don't judge him for watching porn. Only self-conscious, egocentric women would do so. Instead, use your newfound knowledge about your partner's fondness for kinky sex in order to start a new exploration together. Everything will be okay!

Yours sincerely,
Kaelah

10 comments:

Val said...

Outstanding, great analysis. Not to mention that I am relieved to find out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
--- What are you saying, honey?! Of course I am on line searching Peonies for your autumn planting, what else do you think I am doing...?! (And for a few lengths of rattan while I'm at it ;-)) ---

Lea said...

Search terms crack me up. I wonder what people are thinking sometimes when they open up Google. Oh, I can assure you that when Ursus Lewis says anything in Swiss German, the reaction would be scared, not laughing.

Olli said...

Kaelah, you are so great!
Thanks for that nice post, you made my day...!

Underling said...

Hello Kaelah - and thanks for such an entertaining and, yes, educational post. I keep meaning to sign up for Google Stats or whatever it is that shows you all your search terms - the small number listed on my Blogger dashboard are usually disappointingly predictable.

Mind you, every now and again I'll notice that something completely unrelated to the kink has brought someone to the site. When that happens I always feel a little guilty about subjecting them to this pervery!

Thank you again for writing about my game, by the way. You (and others) made my week! :)

ronnie said...

Search terms really make me laugh. Naval spankings, flogging and caning mmmm. Thanks Kaelah.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Ana said...

Oh, Kaelah, I love your wit.

YES! Star TREK!!!! Everyone knows that ST is the best.

Our Bottoms Burn said...

I was in the Navy, tho not a cadet. Was never flogged. Too bad I can no longer get into my jumper and bell bottoms, so I could bend over a gun for you to thrash me. LOL

Respecting Mistress said...

Surely 'kissing the gunner's daughter' would have been a sub-section under naval floggings? Love your research!

Emen said...

Oooooohhhh Mood. Gotta love Mood. Did you see the one where.... Sorry.

Kaelah said...

@ Val:
;-)

@ Lea:
I take your word for it! :-) Still, the Swiss language can have a very sweet sound for German ears. I like that, but some terms sound so lovely that it is very hard to mentally connect them with something scary.

@ Olli:
Thank you for having made my day with your comment! :-)

@ Underling:
I only use the Blogger dashboard search terms. The interesting ones sometimes show up when I take a look at the current search terms. The ones which are used more often and show up in the daily or weekly overviews are indeed quite predictable. Thank YOU for having created that wonderful little game. Not only had I fun playing it, it also gave me a great topic for a post. And I think it deserves all the attention it can get. :-)

@ Ronnie:
Yummy, isn't it? ;-) Thanks for stopping by!

@ Ana:
You are of course right! (especially TNG) ;-)

@ Our Bottoms Burn:
I guess a real-life thrashing wouldn't have been much fun. But the kinky version? I definitely have to do a role-play scenario one day which features "kissing the gunner's daughter". :-)

@ Respecting Mistress:
A very appealing sub-category indeed! ;-)

@ Emen:
I saw the one in which MY boyfriend played a guard. And I don't see how any other Mood film could top that experience. ;-)

Hey, maybe I'm sexist, but I prefer men on the receiving end when it comes to severe scenes. Well, actually I am fine with rather stoic women as well (but then I am really jealous) or with women who write about their experiences and confirm how much they loved it (especially if I know them personally). Oh, and it depends on the storyline! :-)