(Unfortunately I can't post pictures from the
original scene. This was my outfit, though.)
In my last post Mind Going Blank I wrote about a recent scene that didn't go as planned due to me having been in a rather angry and moody state of mind. Of course these things can happen when strong emotions are taking over during a scene. I don't know about your experiences, but being in an emotional state can also be a driver that makes me crave spanking and sex, though. So, being in a rather emotional mindset can have its positive sides as well. To my mind it is a matter of how strong these emotions are. When I'm in a completely moody state or the stress factor is really high, my desire for kinky play and sex decreases. As long as the stress and the emotions are still manageable, though, they can lead to an even bigger desire for spanking and sexual pleasure than usual.
Depending on the situation and the mood I'm in, the cravings can be very diverse. Sometimes I simply long for diving deeply into the joys of pure sexual pleasure. At other times I crave a sensual stress relief spanking. Or I just want to give up control for a little while and focus on what Ludwig does to me and the images it creates in my head.
This time it was different, though. This time I was in the mood for taking over control, for being on top. I'm not sure whether my toppy mood had something to do with the fact that my own pain threshold was so low that it was difficult to play on the bottom side. I assume that it had something to do with the anger that was brewing inside me beyond the surface and the feeling of not being in control of the things that determined my current life. What I sought was a positive counter-experience. Ludwig told me that being slightly angry or annoyed can put him in a very toppy mood, as long as the emotions aren't too strong (if you are really angry, you should not top, obviously). The same seems to be true for me.
I had been teasing Ludwig the whole weekend, slapping and squeezing his bottom whenever I got the chance to do so. Now, as you all know, Ludwig is predominantly a top who only switches on rare occasions. But when I'm in a genuinely toppy mood, the idea of bottoming sometimes develops a certain appeal for Ludwig as well. Which was exactly what happened this time. So, he agreed to take a severe 20 strokes caning from me, simply to let me practice the wielding of that implement.
I only had the chance to cane Ludwig once, so far. At that time my technique only allowed me a medium high severity level, not because of the accuracy (which was always fine) but because I only managed to reach a certain maximum velocity. Since then I had practised a lot, though, and changed my technique so that it enabled me to hit harder.
For video clips Ludwig has been caned twice, one time by Niki Flynn and a second time by Leia-Ann Woods. When we shot the football bet clip with Leia-Ann, Ludwig and I agreed that I would only be her co-top for the back-whipping and not for the caning, because I wasn't experienced enough with the cane. Ludwig thinks about doing one last very severe caning on camera, though, and as you can imagine, I want to be the one who administers it. But, since we usually don't play with others and since Ludwig doesn't want to switch regularly, I won't get the chance to practise very often. Which means that my only chance is to be a fast learner.
So, when Ludwig agreed on letting me cane him, this was my chance to see whether I could do it. Pandora wrote a wonderful post about a shoot for Spanked in Uniform in which she got to cane the beautiful Amelia-Jane Rutherford. In that post Pandora wrote about the experience of wielding the cane: Topping or bottoming, I’m confident with the cane. […] That confidence carries over when I’m the one wielding it. I love practising my skills, the rush of delight at a stroke well delivered. It feels a bit like showing off, but in the best possible way.
Even though I'm not as confident with the cane as Pandora when I'm on the receiving end, it is my number one choice as a top. Two important reasons for that are the elegance of the cane and the beautiful marks that it produces, the main reasons why I like being caned as well, even though I don't like the kind of pain that canes produce. Another important reason is that a cane needs skill to be wielded accurately and the idea of mastering this difficult implement and being a safe caner is a very attractive and powerful one. Last but not least, the cane is Ludwig's number one implement of choice, on the giving as well as on the receiving end. And that increases the appeal of using it on him even more.
I refrained from topping Ludwig as long as I didn't feel relaxed enough, but after we had talked a lot of things through on that weekend and my emotions had calmed down, I reminded him of his offer. I knew exactly how I wanted Ludwig to be positioned during the spanking and prepared the room accordingly. Knowing that this would be a rare opportunity, I also decided to set up a camera for a private little clip. Unfortunately I had only one camera available, so I decided for a perspective that would allow me to see the developing marks as well as at least Ludwig's physical reactions and to analyse my caning technique.
I hadn't practised for a while and so I did a few test strokes. I didn't have much space but it worked. The sound of the cane striking my training blanket echoed through the room and I was quite happy with my accuracy as well. But the question remained: Would I be self-confident and accurate enough to administer a severe but safe caning to Ludwig? For some reason I didn't really doubt that and so I went to the bedroom in order to change into fitting clothes for the scene.
Then I called Ludwig and told him to take a position on all fours over the whipping bench, completely naked. He did as he was told. I caressed his back and then took my position on his left. I took a safe stand, aimed, drew back my arm and the first stroke landed on Ludwig's bottom with a crack. The stroke was on target. And it elicited a nice, very restrained by still audible reaction from Ludwig. A second stroke followed. Both strokes hadn't been soft, but not too severe, either. The third one was harder. I took a look at the first results of my handiwork. Three accurate lines so far. The last one ended a little bit closer to Ludwig's right hip than the previous two because of the higher velocity. I decided to take a little step back, not wanting the strokes to wrap around Ludwig's hip.
And then I laid down stroke after stroke, taking a break from time to time in order to admire my handiwork. Some of the next strokes went a bit high. They were still on Ludwig's bottom, which was why I thought at first that they were still on target. But they had landed on the upper part of Ludwig's bottom, which involved a theoretical risk of hitting the spine, at least in the position Ludwig had taken. Not one of them caused any unintended damage, but after Ludwig's feedback I decided to aim a bit lower. I didn't want to hit the legs, but it was still better to take the risk of hitting too low than taking the risk of hitting too high.
Since the scene was designed as a training session, I didn't do much in terms of psychological topping. But I tried several little things like varying the speed and teasing Ludwig that it was his own fault that the caning was more severe than the previous one he had received from me, since it had been him who had told me to practise. Watching stripe after stripe appear on Ludwig's bottom was a wonderful and satisfying experience. And I enjoyed his beautiful reactions. They were restrained but still visible and audible. It was obvious that Ludwig was indeed feeling the strokes and that they challenged him, though he stayed of course on top.
After an especially hard last stroke the caning was over. When I inspected the marks, running my fingers over the welts on Ludwig's bottom, I felt very happy. The marks were beautiful and the feeling of being able to administer a caning at such a severity level so accurately and safely was very satisfying. I know that I'm a very lucky woman, having a partner who from time to time sacrifices his bottom for me. Ludwig didn't enjoy the pain of the caning itself, but I hope that he can appreciate the resulting pictures and our private little clip at least half as much as I do!