Topping for Lupus

(This is the third and final part of my behind-the-scenes report on Lupus Pictures. The first two are The Company of Wolves and A Dragoon's Life.)

One popular question I get about spanking video shoots is: "When you met the girls who were to be caned, what were they like? What was their demeanour, how were they feeling?" Some readers seemed very curious about that after my first film, and I already had one or two mailing me about it after the Lupus shoot. It's basically the mirror image of the "How did you feel?" question which the models themselves get all the time - as long as they have a web presence. The Mood and Lupus models usually don't, so I get asked in their place.

It is self-evident why this would be such a focal point of interest. I enjoy wondering about it, too, as a viewer. Spanking fetishism is all about empathy, the identification with the feelings and experiences of others. Your own fulfilment and your own "kick" are really rooted in how the other person feels. This may not be true for all spankos, but I believe it is true for a great many of us. It could be the pleasure of connecting with someone and sharing an intimate erotic experience ("I want to know your fantasies and fulfil them!"). It could be something more self-centered, like good old-fashioned sadism ("I want to inflict pain!"). It could be a mix of both, or something else entirely. But in one form or another, empathy is often at the center of the kink.

It is also part of what makes these behind-the-scenes reports enjoyable. In addition to what happened, you also - and really - want to know how people felt. I already wrote a lot about how I felt in the previous two posts. Adele Haze wrote about how she felt in her own shoot report (parts one, two and three). And even though I can't speak for Ester Slaba and Vera Vranova, the two Czech "professional victims" in the film, I'll write about my observations and impressions in regards to them. Now that we are getting to the "CP action" part of the shoot, the insight (however accurate it may be) should be all the more exciting...

Victimology or "a little dark art"

I didn't really know anything about Vera Vranova before the shoot. I had noticed her in the previews of some newer Lupus films and I knew which girl Thomas Marco was talking about when he mentioned her, but I hadn't actually seen a video. I had seen quite a few videos with Ester Slaba, though, who started in 2003. As I wrote in the last part, I'm a fan and she is in fact one of my favourite Lupus models (had no idea she would be in "A Garden Party" - what luck, eh?). First off, Ester is a sexy girl. All the more so because she is not the stereotypical supermodel type - she's the "skinny redhead with a long face" type, and I find that very hot indeed. More importantly, she is interesting.

(Ester Slaba on the set of "A Garden Party",
smoking one of approximately 300 cigarettes.)

It is no secret that many spanking models are "vanillas" who do it only for the money. Virtually all Mood Pictures models are (even though a handful of exceptions exists), Lupus have a few, and the phenomenon is not unheard of with Western production companies, either. Now, I have no moral objections against thrashing vanilla girls as long as there is no exploitation, no desperate poverty involved - and contrary to the "starving Czech girls" legends on some forums, there isn't. I don't have any fundamental aesthetic or emotional objections, either: even when the models are mere "hired hands", it can still make for a good video, and I can still derive the same (self-centered) sadistic pleasure from it that I would from thrashing a kinky girl. When it comes to that part of my kink, there isn't really a huge difference (interestingly, I wouldn't want to be spanked by someone who is not into it, but I have no problems the other way around).

However, when it comes to the other elements of my kink, such as connecting with people, getting inside their minds, exploring fantasies together and making art, it is of course much more satisfying to work with genuine spankos. It also usually makes for a better video, at least if you want to see more than just the beatings. (It took me some time to fully come to grips with this distinction. I was initially a bit mystified after the Mood video: "Wow, I really enjoyed caning these vanilla girls - more than I expected. How can this be?" Now I understand that it is not a contradiction to the other parts of my kink. They are merely separate parts, or different levels, if you prefer.)

Ester Slaba falls somewhere between kinky and vanilla, I believe, and this is what makes her interesting for me. She doesn't really like spanking. At the same time, she doesn't work with Lupus purely for the money. She does it for artistic reasons, and she enjoys the friendships with people from the company and other kinky individuals. "I am fascinated by all of this, it gives me a lot of joy and experience" she wrote in an online interview in 2004. In it, Ester comes across as someone with a genuine interest in the videos as art ("I like psychological and little dark art, movies and literature"), as fairly idealistic, and as a self-described "complicated girl". She may not be a spanko, but she is definitely not "vanilla", either (in the sense of "ordinary").

This impression was supported by the vibe I got from Ester at the shoot. I'm afraid I still don't know much about Vera Vranova, other than that she seems like a nice person and was fine to work with. I didn't talk to either of the girls too much. When you are at a shoot, it's a job and usually a very busy schedule - you don't have long, intimate conversations with people. Also, there was the Czech-English-German language barrier. But I chatted a bit with Ester when I could, and the "anthropological observer" in me had his eyes on both of them.

We introduced ourselves to each other first thing in the morning - you shake hands with everyone, say hello, the usual thing. Not long afterwards, Ester and I were doing the love scene at the manor wall together, the first scene of the video to be filmed. We both burst out laughing when Zbysek, the director, gave us our instructions and demonstrated the "A dragoon needs a proper ride!" gesture I was supposed to make. Ester didn't talk too much herself. She seemed more like the quiet, introverted type of girl, a bit shy perhaps (as you might imagine after reading the interview). At the same time, I got the impression that she was in a good mood, fairly relaxed, and enjoying the filming.

Vera gave off a similar vibe. There certainly wasn't any crippling anxiety from either of them, and with two veteran Lupus models, you wouldn't expect any. The professional chemistry was okay, too, I think. In my opening scene with Ester, the only difficulty we had was technical - during the first one or two takes, we had trouble with her 19th century-style parasol when I turned her around (she keeps holding it in her hand while we are having simulated sex-from-behind, which I think is as cute as it is implausible). During the garden party itself, the girls had little to do except sitting around and later suffering the "examination" from the druggist. Ester had a couple of pouting "But grandma...!" lines (she's great at pouting), but that was pretty much it.

("But grandma, no...!" The maid looks unhappy, too.)

During the lunch break, Ester was sitting at one table with the "foreign contingent", that is Adele, Mr. Haze, Kaelah and me. I don't remember her saying a word, but you could tell that she was listening to the English conversation and understanding it all - she smiled at all the appropriate moments. She never joined in or gave the impression that she wanted to, though. Maybe she was just content listening, maybe it was shyness. As with many Czechs, Ester's listening comprehension of English is probably much better than her speaking skills. It's the same for me with French - I can follow most simple conversations, but I have real trouble even ordering a meal!

We didn't really encourage her to talk, either. Today, I regret that I didn't chat a bit more with her. But again, a shoot is work and during lunch break, you are mostly just trying to relax a little. We only sat together for ten, fifteen minutes. Then I went off so the makeup assistant could put my fake moustache back on, which had come loose during the eating... (Funny, yeah. I know. Har, har.)

When the time came to do the CP scenes, while the crew were setting up the equipment, I quickly walked over to Ester and Vera. By now, they were naked down to their socks (and smoking a cigarette, as they did during every other break). I told them not to worry - that I was an experienced caner and pretty accurate, that they were in good hands. I thought I should do that since I was new to them, and since they probably didn't know anything about me as a top. I also mentioned that I knew what a severe caning is like "from the other side", so I had this insight into what I'm doing as well. Ester's eyes widened in surprise, as if I had just told her that I was an astronaut who had recently returned from the International Space Station. "Oh! Really?" After a moment's pause, she asked: "So... Did you like it?"

Before I could give an answer (along the lines of "Well, yes and no!"), Zbysek called us all over. They were ready for action.

Thrashings, werewolf-style

The girls had each received a brief hand spanking during the "examination" scene, a spontaneous punishment from the grandmother (actress Tereza Tomaskova). They were reasonably hard hand spankings, but for a seasoned Lupus victim, that is probably child's play. As well as that, I couldn't see any of it behind the changing screen - I only heard it! So the birching and caning was the first real CP to be filmed, as far as I was concerned.

The birching part was done by the grandmother as well. Ester was first, then Vera. They were kneeling on the ground with their elbows on a garden bench. Tereza dished it out fairly hard - not over-the-top, bloody terrifying hard, but what I would call a nice and proper "warmup" in Lupus terms. Twenty-five lashes each, with quite a bit of whimpering from the girls, half-acted, half-real. The birch was completely torn up by the end. They always are, aren't they? Even at "Lupus warmup" level.

Ester and Vera were visibly marked, but again, not excessively so. I was very happy about that. Ever since reading the script for the first time, when I discovered that I was going to do the second part of the scene, I had worried that the girls would be heavily marked already, that my "contribution" wouldn't be clearly visible. I must have driven Kaelah insane with my constant moaning about it in the weeks before the shoot. I never moaned to Lupus, though - hell, I was thankful and proud just to get the opportunity to work with them. I was going to do whatever they needed. Do a love scene, do the second half of the CP, shave the beard... If they had asked me to hop around like a chicken, and if I had thought that it makes sense in the context of the story, then I would have done that, too. It's your goddamn job as an actor: to be a good soldier and serve the film!

(Adele Haze and Lars Moebius. The most emotive scene of the film.)

I insisted on choosing the type of cane I wanted, though. When we went through the Lupus collection, at the costume trial on Thursday, I told Thomas that I preferred a cane without a crooked handle. I can use them well enough, but I just find the crook irritating. No problem at all, he said. However, at the shoot, they first gave me a crooked one. So I did moan a bit there. "You know, like I said, the crook..." Thomas gave me a remembering smile: "Oh, sure!" He grabbed the implement, fetched a saw that happened to be lying around on the set, sawed off the crooked end and handed the cane back to me. I nodded: "Yeah... Uh, thanks!" They sure know how to find quick solutions, these producer types.

(As a result, there is a small continuity error in the film. In the earlier scene where Adele is bringing the cane, it has a crook. When I'm using it, it doesn't!)

The one thing I didn't anticipate at all was the caning position. The script talked about a "bench" and I had always assumed that it would be a caning bench, like the one from the Headmaster's Study films (hey, I love that series!). But of course, it turned out to be the wooden garden bench, with the girls just lying on it, flat. Not only did this make a lot more sense in this setting, it was also a position I had never practised for - and that made me feel quite uncomfortable. I was annoyed at myself, too. Mad King Ludwig again! Obsesses about all the details of the cane right down to the type of wood. But in months of email correspondence with Lupus, it never once occurs to him to ask about the exact position of the spankee. He just assumes he knows. Ass-umes.

While the crew tied Ester to the bench (she was first again) and I stood around, silently brooding over what a dork I am, Thomas walked over to me. "You could see that the birching was pretty light for us!" he said. "So now, the caning has to be hard. These girls are experienced, they know what to expect. You can be really hard, it's okay!" I told him I'd do my best, but added that the position was unfamiliar and that I would need a moment to find my aim.

Like the birching, the caning would be 25 strokes long. But this time, the girls would not count aloud. Thomas asked me if I wanted to count aloud? I thought about it for a moment and didn't like the idea: "Naw...!" It seemed out of place for the top to do that. Thomas nodded, and I would soon come to regret my decision.

Ready, cameras roll, action. I started pretty tenderly. Just find your aim, get used to the position, then go harder. The aim was fine. I was even more focused on it than usual. The only trouble was, I was so focused on it, I immediately lost count after the first few strokes. Six, maybe seven...? Oh, for fuck's sake! This was getting worse all the time. I never, ever lose count as a top. Of course, it had once famously happened to me while switching, in the Ludwig's Comeuppance video with Niki Flynn. And now it had happened again! On the top side! At Lupus Pictures! I could see the reader comments already. Good old Ludwig. Not much of a mathematician, is he?

While all this was going through my mind and I was frantically trying to figure out what number I was at, my cane strokes were getting even more tender. Zbysek put me out of my misery. He waved and called out: "Ahm... ahm...!" Zbysek was a very polite director. He wouldn't just shout "Wait!" or "Hold on a second!", he would usually prefix it with "Ahm... ahm...!", as if to verbally tap you on the shoulder. "What?" I yelled back. The annoyance in my voice was directed at myself, not at him.

(Vera Vranova after the CP. She got nicer cane marks than Ester.)

Zbysek was gesticulating at me while he spoke. "Please... You need to go harder!" Thomas nodded in agreement: "Harder, harder...!" Before I could say anything, there was a shout from Ester: "NO!" She was laughing, but it was a pretty serious, indignant laugh, if you know what I mean. "Not harder!" As pissed off as I was at Ludwig the Mathematician and everything else, I couldn't suppress a grin. This was funny (in a mildly sadistic way, too). "Sure, I'll go harder!" I said, and added casually: "We were at ten strokes, right?" That was my best guess.

Thomas and Zbysek looked at each other. "It was... about six strokes!" said Thomas and grinned. Of course, that was wrong. It was definitely more than six, I knew that much. But Thomas was trying to make a point, and I understood it: "I see!" Ester yelled something at him in Czech, with the same indignant laugh. Undoubtedly something to the effect of: "It was more than six, you dumb fucking bastard!" Thomas' grin became wider. He corrected his estimate: "It was probably less than three!"

I started over at six, and harder. The aim was still good and Ester's cries, which had been mostly acting so far, suddenly sounded rather more genuine. She had some real pain to "help her along" now! The cane marks developing on her ass were evidence of that, too. Good, I thought, I may yet be able to salvage this scene. I went a bit harder still. And I made damn sure that I kept the count this time. Nineteen more strokes! (After watching the scene on video, I now know that the cut came after 9 strokes. They left them all in, and the total number is 28. So, I guess I got the second part right at least.)

They untied Ester, then Vera was next on the bench. I was somewhat used to the position by now and more confident, so there were no cuts this time and no admonitions to get serious. The caning was roughly as hard and accurate as the previous one, minus the half-hearted beginning. Vera got more vivid welts, but I believe it was mostly because she just marks easier than Ester. Oh, and wouldn't you believe it, I had a slight miscount again - 24 strokes in total instead of 25! You know, all joking aside, this really can happen. Silently counting up to 25 is the easiest thing when you have no distractions. But when you do it at a movie shoot, on camera, while what you are really thinking about is your aim, it becomes surprisingly difficult. I stand corrected. I'll count aloud next time, or I'll let the spankee do it...

I was never fully comfortable with the lying flat position. In each of the two canings, I tried to place a few strokes high, to cover the whole bottom, but they ended up too high. Ester and Vera didn't mind at all, but I did. Damn, you hold back more than you want to, and you still can't get on target. When it was all over and the crew were packing up, I walked over to Thomas. "Well, that was crap..." I grumbled. I wasn't looking for reassurance, I really meant it. But Thomas smiled and shook his head: "No, no! I liked it. Trust me, I've seen it on the monitor, it was good scene."

Having seen it now, I agree - it's good! The canings are a bit lighter than the Lupus average, but they aren't disappointing. They are fairly hard by any other standard, Ester and Vera certainly didn't enjoy them, the sadist in me is happy enough, and the movie critic in me thinks that the light-hearted tone of "A Garden Party" only benefited from me not beating the living daylights out of the girls! (Of course, it still means that I have to go back someday and do a proper Lupus caning...)

(Poor, starving Czech girls being exploited
by the ruthless werewolves from the East again.)

There was one more little scene for me to do. Ester, still naked and freshly chastised, would hand me a plate with a cake. I would take a piece, bite into it and thank her. It was one of those wonderful wacky Lupus ideas. "Say something in German, like 'my darling'!" Zbysek instructed me. My mind was racing. I had to find something which Kaelah wouldn't mind. Hey, I'm Mad King Ludwig, but there are limits even to my powers - if I had called Ester "my lovely mate", as in Klingon mate, Kaelah would have killed me on the spot. I eventually came up with "mein Täubchen", a German term of endearment that means "my little dove". I knew Kaelah wasn't into doves. In the end, it didn't matter, anyway. We had no microphones nearby when the scene was filmed and you can't hear a bloody thing I'm saying!

To truly wrap things up, we took some posed photographs with Ester, Vera and me. I was standing there with the cane, and they were kneeling in front of me, heads hanging, backs towards the camera, with the cane welts on their asses (it'll probably surprise you after everything I've written on this blog, but I confess to liking this picture). Then I could get out of the uniform and back into my street clothes. Adele's caning and whipping was the last scene to be filmed. She wrote about it in her own account, so I'm not going into any detail here. Kaelah and I watched it live with everyone else, and it was clear immediately that it would make for a great scene in the video. It was the most dramatic in terms of the story, Lars Moebius and Tereza Tomaskova were the tops, and all three players did a fine job. Thomas was beaming afterwards: "I liked that one! Very emotive!"

Aftermath

And that's what it was like - topping for Lupus! Just like in my first video shoot, I felt no kinky "thrill" or enjoyment during the CP scenes at all. I was focused on trying to get the job right, which is how I like it and how it's supposed to be in my view. The movie comes first, my personal enjoyment while making it comes second. Mind you, I had a great time at the shoot! There was plenty of excitement and fun, and I treasure the memory of that day. All the more so because I'm happy with what came out of it.

Thomas Marco, Zbysek Podhajsky and Jan Zacek went to dinner with the four of us from the "foreign contingent" afterwards. Everyone was in a good mood. Including Adele, who couldn't sit very well, but was joking around. "So, how long do you think it'll take until someone claims the canings are fake?" she asked Thomas. He didn't hesitate with an answer: "Three days!" We all broke into laughter. "You know, I sometimes look at these forums, too, like British Spanking" Thomas said. "You come back two years later and some people are still having same stupid discussions." Grinning and a bit mystified, he added: "And it's still exactly same people...!"

Kaelah and I had one more lovely day in Prague. Among other things, we visited the "Museum of Medieval Torture". Not very erotic, actually - I may be a CP sadist, but I'm not into breaking bones or crushing heads! Certainly an interesting exhibition from a historical point of view, though. Then it was time to go home. I remember the peaceful, immense feeling of contentment glowing inside of me on the journey back. I had my own little part in werewolves-from-the-East history now. And I remember how glad I was that Kaelah was with me.

(The cast of "A Garden Party". Love those old-fashioned
family photographs!)